


Touched by Fate

by SpiritLock



Series: Redemption [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Chess, Consensual Sex, Cullen's coin, Distractions, Dragons, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Fate & Destiny, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Humor, Light Bondage, Lion of Ferelden, Memories, Misassumptions, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, PTSD, Past Relationship(s), Plans, Promises, Redemption, Revelations, Scars, Second Chances, Slowish Burn Romance, Some Explicit Language, Spanking, Surprises, Wicked Grace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:05:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 214,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5786260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritLock/pseuds/SpiritLock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai Trevelyan knew about Cullen, about Kinloch, about Kirkwall. Getting involved with someone like Cullen would not be just a quick dalliance, and it wouldn’t be fair on him. Plus she was still in love with someone else.</p><p>Cullen was best left alone, for both their sakes.  </p><p>Fate did not agree with Kai Trevelyan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eravalefantasy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eravalefantasy/gifts).



> This story will follow the major events of the game, but AU version of the Cullen/F!Trevelyan relationship. It will draw on DAO and DA2 in a minor way.
> 
> Features some in-game dialogue.
> 
> With heartfelt gratitude to Eravalefantasy whose advice, inspiration, encouragement and good humour pushed me forward. Thank you!  
>  

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and her companions prepare to rescue their soldiers from the Fallow Mire and then meet with the mages in Redcliffe.

Kai was with Cassandra in the makeshift War Room in Haven waiting for Cullen, Leliana and Josephine. As usual she was peering at the map and markers spread over it. It was becoming increasingly her decisions about what to do, where to go, that they followed and she wasn’t sure that was always a good thing. She recognised the Inquisition was on a war footing, but she wasn’t the sort of person who could be a leader in battle. Acquiring a mark on your hand did not mean you automatically became something you had never been before.

Negotiations, alliances that she could do, had been doing for some years now, on behalf of her family. Josephine had been over the moon when Kai bought in a raft of potential alliances based her personal connections across Nevarra, the Free Marches and even Ferelden. 

After her own arranged marriage fell through due to her fiancé’s death, and an accident that left her unable to bear children, there wasn’t much left for her to do. Her parents couldn’t arrange another marriage, as she couldn’t provide heirs. But Kai did have charm, wit and was perceptive when it came to reading people. She became the Trevelyan unofficial ambassador/matchmaker travelling around their distant relations and other families, trying to arrange more alliances. 

But now she was the Herald, a figurehead, an icon, and expected to be a fighter. If she had truly been sent by the Maker, he must have had a warped sense of humour to foist her upon the Inquisition. She was the last person they should have been lumbered with. They needed someone more militarily minded, without the penchant for humour and the unconventional, she had. Of course she had basic weapons and combat training, all Trevelyans did, but until the Inquisition, had never employed her skills to any great extent.

Finally they arrived, and the meeting went the same as always, reporting on missions completed, and planning for those to be undertaken. Towards the end when an update on the general status of the Inquisition took place, her mind began to wander. Again.

“Herald!” she heard Cullen call, breaking into her daydream.

“Sorry, Cullen. Did I miss something?” she said, attempting an apology. 

“You recruited mercenaries and bandits? It’s enough that you bring a Red Jenny into the Inquisition,” he said wearily. “Couldn’t you recruit people more...” he groaned looking for an appropriate word.

Kai knew he’d long given up on reprimands. She simply ignored him. It was more a formality to point things out now. She smiled as she always did. Kai knew she shouldn’t, but she could never resist prodding Cullen gently about being conventional and serious. 

“Conventional, perhaps? Were not exactly fighting a conventional war, maybe unconventional is the way to go. Besides the Chargers have a good reputation, I can personally vouch for them. And the Blades of Hessarian will be fine, it will be good to have eyes and ears on the Storm Coast.” she replied lightly. 

“However...maybe you have a point,” she saw him look at her in surprise.

“Maybe...I need a more conventional companion, with all due respect to Cassandra. Would you be up for that Commander, perhaps you could fill that role?” she joked.

Another groan, this time from Cassandra, Cullen just shook his head.

“I give up. I suspect you’re not taking this seriously,” he replied, with a slight frown. Josephine and Leliana were suppressing smiles. They’d long got used to Kai poking at Cullen. 

Cassandra snorted. “The Herald had a sense of humour, that’s what they will say about you. I suspect that is what you will be remembered for.” 

“Cassandra, come on. Laughter is good. Isn’t it bad enough without us all being so serious? A little levity goes a long way,” she lilted, winking at her. “I mean, even Cullen smiles now when he sees me,” she added, looking back at him.

“No Herald, that’s a grimace,” he replied, a tiny smile now evident.

“And see, he has rediscovered his sense of humour too,” she laughed, hearing the others join in, even Cullen. “Well, if we’re done now, shall we reconvene after we return from Redcliffe?” She heard a chorus of affirmation.

With that Kai nodded and went to head out, only to feel a hand on her arm as Leliana pulled her to one side while the others left.

“Kai, you really should be a little more careful. One of these days, Cullen may take you up on your teasing. It could be construed as borderline flirting,” she grinned.

“Are you telling me as my friend, or as the ‘dark mistress of intrigue’?” Kai asked mockingly, patting her hand.

“Ugh...you take nothing seriously. But perhaps this time you should,” she smiled.

It was Kai’s turn to snort at that suggestion. “Leliana, I am fully aware of Cullen’s finer qualities. Who wouldn’t be? I know enough about him remember, enough to realise I’m not his type. He wouldn’t know what to do with me. He needs a nice, steady, sensible girl. Plus I’m a noble, and you know he’s not keen on nobles. I tease him because he blushes so prettily, although now it seems to be less. I guess he’s getting used to it.” 

Kai looked at the betrothal ring on her hand, serious now. “Besides, you know there’s only one person I will ever really love, and he’s gone.”

“Kai, you can’t carry a torch for him forever. You will have to move on eventually. It’s been ten years now, isn’t that enough?” Leliana’s voice was softer now, as was her expression, watching Kai’s face turn pensive. 

Ten years ago he’d died, the one man in her life she had truly loved, Aedan Cousland. Sometimes it seemed so long ago, and sometimes like only yesterday. To Kai, he was just Aedan, the man she adored, not some distant icon they chose to call the Hero of Ferelden. He had a wicked sense of humour, sometimes a short temper, and he loved her. 

But he had to go and sacrifice himself, and of course he would do that. Part of her had been angry that he did, leaving her behind. The sad, grieving fiancée, according to the romantic lore surrounding his life. Bullshit, there was nothing romantic about losing the love of your life. She had grieved though, distraught at never having had the chance to say goodbye. Now it was just a faint sadness.

They had been promised to each other as part of an alliance between their families, an arranged marriage. Amazingly they had fallen for each other. One of those rare things where two people know they are meant to be together. There were so many loveless marriages based on cementing alliances. For Aedan and her to have a connection, they were lucky.

He died killing the Archdemon, but it wasn’t until afterwards that she heard about his death. He’d asked Leliana to take his diary to her, because he knew he wouldn’t make it. It was through that she and Leliana became friends, and remained so even though they rarely saw each other. It was Leliana that had convinced them Kai wasn’t a threat after the Conclave blew up, and she was found falling out of the Fade. Outside of her bow and blades, Kai was no more a threat than a nug. 

“Until I meet someone who means more to me, he will be the only one. I guess it does sound weird, but...” she sighed. “...this ring stays on my finger as a reminder of what love can be. I refuse to accept second best in the vain hope it might get better.” She smiled at Leliana, who shrugged.

“Doesn’t stop you getting into bed with people though,” she raised an eyebrow.

“Leliana, I’m nostalgic, I haven’t taken vows. Sex is not love. Sex is simply...a distraction. Anyway, it’s rare and I select carefully,” she proclaimed, a smirk on her face.

“Kai, you have an answer for everything, and are far too open,” Leliana laughed, as they both walked through the Chantry.

“I know,” Kai answered. “I can’t be anything other than I am.”

“You may well have to be, you know this won’t be easy. There are things we have yet to find out, what is behind all this. We may all be called upon to make compromises.” Leliana was more sombre now.

“You’ve changed Leliana, you’re sometimes darker than I remember you being. Perhaps you have seen too much, more than one person should see,” Kai said sadly.

She was concerned her friend wasn’t the same, that bright storyteller was less evident now. Only occasionally would she peek from behind the curtain. It seemed to be only with Kai or Josephine, people who knew her before she became the Left Hand of the Divine.

“Perhaps that is why I need my friends as I do, to keep me anchored to who I am. But you can’t have seen, and done what I’ve had to and not be changed.” Her voice was almost wistful. 

“Well, don’t worry about that, I’m always here for you as you were for me. If I recall, Sera isn’t the only one who can come up with ingenious pranks.” Kai knew what sort of things Leliana could imagine. She heard Leliana laugh, the sort of laugh she used to have, bright, light and airy. “Aha, there you are!” she giggled.

“Ugh, go and do your preparations. I have work to do,” Leliana said wandering back to her tent, a shout of “Chantry boards!” following her. She smiled and sat down to the reports from her agents.

Kai headed back to her cabin, to get her equipment ready. This would be a longer trip, travelling to the Fallow Mire, and then swinging back through Redcliffe to meet with the mages.

Bogs, Avvar, and soldiers held hostage. Maker, you couldn’t write this stuff. Well, maybe Varric could. Still, they had to get their soldiers out, and she had decided to take Bull with them. Cassandra was good, but having only one frontline fighter in the squad put too much pressure on her back in the Hinterlands. It had worked much better in the Storm Coast when Bull joined her. Solas made up the fourth member of the squad, working with Kai in the back ranks. It was a good balance. 

She had toyed with using Blackwall after they had gone back to the Hinterlands to find him, but Bull was stronger and he made her laugh. Not the best reason she knew, but morale was just as important as a strong team. Kai wasn’t a natural leader, but she had a good sense of how to bond people. Solas had been a little prickly with Bull at first, mainly because he disapproved of the Qun, but few people could not warm to Bull as a person. She’d liked him from the minute they met back in Nevarra; she liked his sense of fun.

Checking her blades, Kai saw they needed sharpening. Cullen had a good sharpening stone; she just needed to remember to take it back this time. She smiled, he really did think she was quite eccentric and she loved playing up to that. Every time he groaned, it gave her more impetus to rib him. But maybe Leliana was right about one thing, she could end up on the receiving end one day. She didn’t mind, Kai enjoyed a bit of verbal sparring. She went off to find him.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai headed to the training ground assuming Cullen would be there, he almost always was, but not this time. She wandered around the area searching for him, but it wasn’t until she was at the edge of the training ground that she spotted him wandering across the frozen lake. Although the ice was quite thick, still a tad risky she thought, he must weigh some in that armour.

Walking down the path towards him, she waved, and saw him catch sight of her. He began strolling to meet her. Her boots were a little slippy on the ice and she caught herself a few times to stop sliding.

Cullen reached her, apparently having no problems walking on the ice. 

“Ah Herald, I was just going to come and see you. I wanted to let you know another group of Templars arrived; rank and file, no officers. This group actually left Therinfal, preferring to come and join us. Leliana will see what information they can provide, but I would guess it won’t be much. From what we’ve gathered already the Order has become very secretive, well more so, should I say. Anyway, I thought you’d like to be kept informed,” he reported. 

Of course Cullen wanted to keep the Templars uppermost in her mind. She would have a say in which group they chose to work with to close the Breach. And he wanted to choose them. Leliana and Josephine suggested the mages would be better. It wasn’t the Mage-Templar war, but it was the same division between the two. If she had the option, she would have them both. Who knows what might happen when they closed the Breach, or attempted to close it. 

“Thank you Cullen,” she replied. “If there is new intelligence, please let me know. I prefer to have as much information as possible. Once I’ve met with Fiona, we’ll have a clearer idea of which way to take this matter.” 

She would have already gone to see her, but the problem with the Avvar had come up, and Kai wanted to deal with that first. She didn’t want a repeat of what occurred with their soldiers on the Storm Coast. Also, as Varric put it, she hoped they understood the concept of hostages.

She saw Cullen watching her curiously. Had she said something? Why was he staring at her like that?

“Cullen? Something the matter?” she asked.

“Just then... you seemed less...flippant than usual.” He paused. “More serious perhaps,” he added, now smiling.

“Me, serious? Perish the thought, Commander. I think you’re confusing me with someone else,” she laughed.

“Hmm, perhaps you’re right,” he answered, still smiling. “That wouldn’t quite fit in with your persona now, would it?”

“You know me Cullen, I don’t take anything seriously. Perhaps I’m just a little more sensible at times. Besides, if I need serious I can just come to you for advice,” she gave him a wide silly grin to prove her point.

“Of course,” he replied. “I’ve obviously got the two confused.” Kai saw him raise an eyebrow, still smiling.

Well, Leliana did say she may get some comeback. And to be fair, she’d dished it out enough. 

“Easy mistake to make Commander, no harm done,” she joked and turned to go back. Before she got two steps forward, she was down, her bottom on the cold ice now. “Oops,” she giggled.

“Need a hand?” Cullen asked, stretching out his gloved hand to her.

“Why? Did you have one to spare?” she retorted, laughing at her own joke. She heard Cullen groan as she took his hand, and got herself up. “Sorry, couldn’t resist that one. The old ones are the best,” she added.

“If I suggest that I help you get back, are you going to make a joke of that too?” he asked suspiciously, still holding her hand. 

“No, that would ungrateful, Cullen. I would just say thank you,” she smiled gently.

As he held her hand, she noticed how large his hand was, and how strong his grip was. Not surprising, but she felt secure as he walked her back onto the snow, with just one small slip. Almost as a reflex, she squeezed his hand before she let go. 

“Thank you, Cullen” she said, “that was kind of you.”

He cocked his head, evidently waiting for the joke, but then smiled when none came. “My pleasure,” he replied, looking down briefly, before speaking again. “However, I may not always be there to help you when you fall on your arse,” he smirked.

Kai burst out laughing. “I shall have to make sure I only fall on my arse when you are around then.” 

Cullen shook his head. “Was there something you needed? You did come looking for me I take it, or was it just a social call?” he asked.

“Your sharpening stone, could I borrow it again? I need to sharpen my blades, they do seem to blunt quickly.” 

“Have you tried using your wit instead, it may leave your blades sharper?” 

Kai’s mouth opened in surprise, when had he become so quick? Her comeback was definitely slow as her mind tried to process a response. 

“Nothing to say? I think that’s a first for you, Herald,” he grinned.

“I’m somewhat stunned, I truly am. You are full of surprises, Commander,” she nodded her appreciation in reply.

As he turned, presumably heading to get her the stone, she could have sworn she heard him mutter under his breath “You have no idea.”

Right then Kai began to wonder if maybe she had underestimated him, and perhaps Leliana was right, she should be a little more careful. Kai knew about Cullen, about Kinloch, about Kirkwall. She knew that getting involved with someone like Cullen would not be just a quick dalliance as she was now used to. It wouldn’t be fair to him, however handsome he was, and however much she fancied seeing underneath that armour. Equally, she didn’t experience that powerful punch of emotion with him she expected to have if she fell in love. No, Cullen was best left alone, for both their sakes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai picks up an ally to help with facing Alexius, as the Inquisition prepares to meet him again. Kai's plan to be careful around Cullen slips a little.

It seemed that Kai was not the diplomat or conciliator she thought she was. The Fallow Mire not only had been one of the most miserable places she’d ever visited, it was one of the most frustrating and miserable missions to date. The peace between Solas and Bull was just a hiatus in their fractured relations. Kai resolved never, ever to take them on a mission together again.

This time it had ended up in a full scale argument about the Qun, what else. Even Cassandra’s patience, which was fairly limited at the best of times, broke, adding to the yelling match that ensured. At that point Kai ditched diplomacy and screeched at them in her loudest, harshest voice, telling them to shut up. It didn’t make for the best mood after, but it least it was quieter, and everyone concentrated on rescuing their troops, which was the point in the first place.

But Redcliffe had been just plain disturbing. A Tevinter magister, Gereon Alexius, indenturing all the mages who had taken refuge there sounded worrying enough, only to discover he used time magic to get there soon after the Conclave was destroyed. Then there was the Venatori, a Tevinter cult, added to the mix, who had an unhealthy fixation on her. Not to mention they were occupying Redcliffe Castle, driving out Arl Teagan, as well as people from the village. Problem heaped upon problem. 

Maker, if Alistair knew what was going on in Redcliffe, he would send his soldiers to clear them out, or more likely come himself to do it. If Arl Teagan had gone to him, it was only a matter of time before Ferelden forces arrived, and she wasn’t sure how they would cope with the time magic now in Redcliffe. So far there had been just the two rifts surrounded by time distortions. And she was the only one who could close rifts. Kai understood the Inquisition had to deal with this. 

They had picked up an ally willing to help them, a Tevinter mage working with Alexius' son, Felix. Dorian Pavus was certainly self confident, cocky touching on arrogance, but Kai sensed he was genuine in his wish to aid them. And he was funny, always a bonus for Kai. Not a sure way of establishing whether someone was a good person, but it helped. And apparently they were related, somewhere the dark distant past. 

As they crossed the bridge and rode back into Haven, Leliana was waiting for her. 

“Kai, we got your message,” Leliana talked to Kai as she dismounted. “And an invitation to the castle for you from Alexius. We should go to the War Room. The others are already waiting for us.” She then saw Dorian. “Is that the one you told us about?” she whispered.

“Yes, and he’s keen to help. He knows enough to aid us.” Kai replied, standing in front of Leliana, replying equally quietly. “I wouldn’t say I completely trust him...yet. But for what we have to do, we need him.”

Leliana looked directly at her. “I take you’ve decided on the mages then. What does Cassandra say?” She wanted a read on who would support choosing them.

Kai was well aware Leliana would back her, as would Josephine.

“Cassandra doesn’t like the idea of a Tevinter magister with a foothold in Ferelden. You could say she’s pretty pissed off about it, in fact. I would go with a yes from her.” She was sure, after the complaints from Cassandra during the journey back.

Kai wondered what Cullen would think though. She had to check, but Leliana was ahead of her.

“Cullen is still inclined toward the Templars, but even he can’t ignore the political fallout if we leave the situation as it is. The Inquisition wilfully ignoring the presence of a foreign power in the very place the King grew up in. Even I couldn’t ease that problem if we failed to address it.” She indicated towards the Chantry. “We should go.”

Kai nodded. “I’ll bring Dorian.” Realising what Leliana was now thinking, she quickly explained. “Not for our discussion, but for after the decision. He can give us information. Don’t worry; I’m aware a delicate hand is needed. I know how touchy Cullen is about mages, let alone one from Tevinter.”

Leliana sighed. “Kai, he’s not so bad anymore. Not that he would welcome them with open arms, but he has changed. He’s not the same man he was ten years ago, you should see that. What he did in Kirkwall, after Meredith, was remarkable. Why do you think we wanted him for Commander?”

She was right. Even knowing what Cullen had done, sometimes the man she read about in Aedan’s diary got in the way. True, he was older, seemed more assured, but how do you live through torture and not have it mark you in some way. 

“Yes, you’re right of course. Let’s get this moving then. I’ll catch up with you.” She watched as Leliana nodded and then left. Kai went to gather up Cassandra and Dorian.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cassandra went on to the War Room, while Kai explained the situation to Dorian. As Kai pushed open the large heavy door, the discussion was already in progress, and not quite as animated as she thought it would be. She heard Cullen as she walked up to the Table, not as reticent as she assumed he would be, actually quite practical. Leliana was right.

“Redcliffe Castle has withstood thousands of assaults, getting in will be no easy matter. A large force couldn’t take it down, let alone what we have.”

Josephine stepped in, waving her pen. That gesture always meant she was emphasising her point. “We can’t use our forces, we would seen as no better than an invading army ourselves. However we do this, it can’t be by force.”

“However we do this, it must be done. Redcliffe cannot be left in the hands of this magister,” Cassandra was adamant.

There was a way in, Kai knew it and Leliana knew it. She tried to catch her attention, but to no avail. This needed a prod. “Is there no other way in? I mean, most castles have some form of secret whatever. We had one, a hidden passageway allowing escape.” 

Her parents would probably never forgive her for revealing that, but she was sure it was safe in the present company.

She saw the light go on as Leliana remembered. “There is a secret escape route for the family, through the Mill. We used it to get in during the Blight. It’s narrow, but we could send people in that way. But we will need a distraction.” Leliana was now pointedly looking in Kai’s direction.

Of course, she was the distraction. Kai sighed. “What it is to be so sought after.”

There were some smiles, but no laughter. Kai didn’t expect that, even she understood her life was yet again on the line. But when wasn’t it these days. 

Cullen’s gaze was now on her, stern, but also she thought she saw a hint of something else. She couldn’t make it out. “This means you will be the bait to spring the trap, and while they focus on you, we send in the agents. It’s risky, but it’s your choice. We can’t force you to do this.”

“Alright, I’ll be the bait. It seems that wherever I go, someone or something wants to kill me anyway, and I’m not exactly inconspicuous with this,” she said, holding up her hand. “Maker, the only place I’m safe is in Haven.”

Josephine’s next comment did produce wider smiles, only for the fact it was a running joke. “Ah, don’t forget Chancellor Roderick is still here.”

“So, if we are going with this plan, I believe I have some extra help for us.” Kai called in Dorian. While she briefed him on their idea, out of the corner of her eye, she saw an air of disdain cross Cullen’s face. 

“Alexius will have the place locked up tight with magic. If you have any chance of getting your people in, you’ll need me to go with them. And I do rather like the idea of surprising him,” Dorian said, glancing around at everyone. She could see him weighing up the people there, something she would have done in his position. He was potentially on enemy ground here, offering them aid, but conscious he was suspect.

Kai assumed Cullen might protest, but it was Cassandra who was still suspicious. 

“And why should we trust you, he was your mentor after all. This could be a ruse,” she huffed.

“Maker, there’s already a hole in the sky, without ripping apart a hole in time too. Look, right now we all have to put aside our prejudices, and concentrate on the real threat. And that would be stopping Alexius, wouldn’t you agree? Yes?” Dorian was quite emphatic, not leaving much room for doubt about his motivation.

“Agreed,” she answered, somewhat reluctantly.

Kai decided it was perhaps a good time to end the meeting. “I sure we can finalise the details before we leave tomorrow. It’s late now, and I for one am grubby, tired and hungry after several days on the road. Can we call it a night...please?” she pleaded.

Everyone nodded and filed out of the War Room. She caught Dorian before he left.

“Haven’s a little crowded, not much room left for bedding down. We can offer you a tent...” the look on Dorian’s face said it all.

“I really have landed among barbarians, haven’t I? If I must,” he groaned. “If we survive, can I put a request for a bed at least? Some tiny semblance of civilisation would be welcome. The cold and damp is bad enough. How do you people cope?” 

Kai laughed. “I’ll see what we can do, I make no promises. Go and see the quartermaster, tell Threnn Kai sent you. Then she’ll know it’s a request from me and you’ll get a better one.” she replied, hearing another groan.

Dorian paused. “Wait...I thought your name was Katarina?” he queried.

“It is, and it’s horrid, as are the other two my parents not so kindly gave me. Katarina Alana Isabella.” Kai made a yuck face. “Hence, Kai. Only my parents call me Katarina. And if you do, lack of a decent sleeping place will be the least of your worries. Yes?” she finished mimicking Dorian’s yes to Cassandra.

“Yes, understood,” he laughed. “And you do the voice rather well, if a little high. I think we’re going to get along splendidly.”

Kai watched him wander off. Maybe we are she thought. She walked out after him, only to be caught by Cullen as she made her way to her cabin.

“Ah Herald, I hoped I could have a quick word with you.” He had that same look, but this time she realised what it was. The sternness had masked it before.

“Sure Cullen. Did you want to come in?” she offered, indicating to her cabin.

“No, thank you. I just wanted to ask you to...be careful...” Kai heard the hesitation in his voice and saw the worry on his face.

“Cullen, I do believe you’re worried for me,” she smiled.

Cullen’s hand reached for the back of his neck, a movement that signified nervousness or confusion. She’d seen it often enough. “Well, yes...If we lose you, we lose our only way to close the rifts, not to mention the Breach,” he answered.

He began frowning, and his hand went from the back of his neck to his forehead. He appeared to be in some discomfort.

“Cullen, are you alright?” she asked, now the one concerned.

“Just a headache,” he replied dismissively.

This wasn’t the first time she had seen this, and she’d never heard him complain about it. His position could be difficult, and she knew his history, even so he had more headaches than she thought was normal.

“Maybe you should see Solas, he could give you some pain relief, he‘s very good. Trust me I know,” she smiled. 

“It’s fine, it’ll...”

Kai didn’t let him finish. “Cullen, as a personal favour to me...please...go and see him.” She thought he was still unconvinced. 

Kai was tired, had she been more aware, she would have stopped the words that tumbled out of her mouth. Too late, it occurred to her what that might sound like. “Commander, you wouldn’t want to think of me having a sleepless night, worrying about you, would you?” she trilled.

“No, I wouldn’t want you to lose sleep over me.” It wasn’t the words that held her when he looked up. 

His eyes locked onto hers, and she couldn’t tear herself away from his gaze. She never noticed his eyes were such a deep amber colour before, looking more vivid now as he stared at her. They weren’t standing close; someone could have easily walked between them. But Kai could swear she felt his breath on her. The whole thing was making her a tad nervous and she swallowed involuntarily.

Luckily Bull came past with a “Night, Boss,” breaking the moment.

She had to go, get back to her cabin. “I should...go...” she fumbled. 

“I should...too,” he said, his voice no more secure than hers. “Goodnight, Herald.” He left, going down the steps.

“Night, Cullen,” she replied, practically bolting for her cabin. She shut the door behind her, leaning against it.

Sweet Maker, Kai! The idea was to be careful, not encourage him. Ugh, what is wrong with you? She shook her head, trying to dispel the image from her mind. Wash and sleep was what she needed. She wasn’t hungry anymore, that could wait until the morning. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

After breakfast the next morning, Kai, Cassandra, Bull and Dorian, along with their agents were getting their horses ready to go. Last minute details were done and their plan was good to go. Kai hoped this would work; there was too much riding on it to fail. 

Kai wasn’t a believer, but that didn’t stop an ‘Andraste watch over us’ slipping softly from her lips. Cassandra noticed this and smiled at her. Kai smiled back. Well, it never hurt to ask for help if you needed it, she thought. 

When she looked up, she caught Dorian staring at Bull. Mindful of the problems between the Qunari and Tevinter, she wandered over to have a word.

“Is there a problem?” she asked quietly.

“I gather he’s coming with us?” he asked in reply.

“He being The Iron Bull, you mean. Yes, he is. As I asked, is that a problem?” Kai had to be aware if they were going to have a repeat of the Solas/Bull issue. It was too late to change team members, so she needed them to be clear that this mission was more important than personal issues.

“Not for me, but I can just imagine their faces when he walks in.” Dorian turned around, now smiling. “I heard you were a negotiator. What kind of negotiator are you, wandering into a Tevinter stronghold, with a Qunari attaché?

Kai smiled; relieved it was going to fine. “A flexible one when needs must. I find...a firmer approach is sometimes required.” 

Dorian sniggered. “I suppose that’s one way of putting it. Deliberately pissing people off might be a more appropriate description.”

“And that is why you’ll never make one, Dorian. One must be open, but never too blunt,” she instructed in a slightly sing song voice.

Dorian rolled his eyes. “You sound like one of my nannies. Please don’t do that again. It’s scarily strange hearing that tone from someone so young.”

Young, wow. She hadn’t been called that in a long time. “I’m hardly that, but thank you for the compliment.” She nodded slightly, receiving one in return. 

Kai wandered back to her horse. He was right though, she had ulterior motives in taking Bull, and Bull was well aware of the effect he would have on the Vints as he called them. Even if she hadn’t explained, he would have guessed. 

As they saddled up, Leliana, Cullen and Josephine were walking over to them. Kai saw Leliana’s slight smirk and knew what was coming.

As they reached them, Leliana spoke, still smirking.”We know how important this mission is. So...we came to wish you luck.”

Kai could hear Cassandra making the disgusted noise, even before she did.

“Ugh, Leliana, must you encourage this silly ritual...” she said despairingly.

“What’s this?” asked Dorian.

“Boss’ little good luck charm,” Bull laughed. 

Kai saw them all watching her. She grinned broadly. “Thank you Leliana. But I don’t need luck...I have arrows,” she replied pausing a little for effect.

Cassandra groaned. Kai looked at Leliana, mouthing a silent thank you, seeing her blink in reply. As she looked around at the other two, Josephine was smiling and so was Cullen. Then just before she turned to move off, she could have sworn he winked at her. She swivelled her head back to check. No, he was smiling as normal. She must have been mistaken. In fact, he looked much better this morning, maybe he had been to see Solas after all. 

Kai turned back and they all rode out heading for Redcliffe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (a tiny nod to ME3 at the end)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 Future Redcliffe
> 
> Kai and Dorian are sent into the future at Redcliffe, learning the consequences of Kai's disappearance in their own time. Kai makes a promise to Cullen.
> 
> *Contains descriptions of the results of experimentation*  
> .  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heaps of thanks to Eravalefantasy for allowing me to borrow the concept of Cullen in future Redcliffe. It inspired part of this chapter. 
> 
> The source was Cullen Rutherford:A Witcher in Thedas. A beautifully woven, jewel of a story.  
> .  
> .  
> .

“Well, that was unexpected,” Kai said, almost to herself. Dorian was busy walking around, and talking to himself, muttering about the nearest confluence of arcane energy.

One minute, they’d successfully sprung and defeated Alexius’ trap, and the next they were in a dungeon, knee deep in water. Alexius had opened up some kind of portal and here they were. Wherever here was...

“Dorian, might you have an idea of where we are?” she asked, resigned to the possibility they were screwed. This was definitely not part of the plan. 

He muttered some more, then, “Ah not just where, but when. I think we’re still in the castle, but Alexius has moved us in time.” He smiled at his own brilliance.

This just keeps getting better, she thought cynically. “Forward or back?” she sighed, looking at the dank walls around them covered in red lyrium. It may be wet, but at least it was warm, a creepy warm maybe, but nevertheless warm.

“Excellent question, I’ve no idea. Perhaps we should explore and see if we can find out?” he replied, smiling.

“What about the others?” she asked, walking forward through the cell door.

“I suspect still back where, and when they were. The rift looked too small to bring everyone through. We were the closest to it.” 

Finding a flight of stairs they headed up them, figuring up was in the right direction. Dungeons were normally underground or lower ground, so logically if they kept going that way they should find a way out. What they came across was a junction and guards, easily despatched between the two of them, before they could raise the alarm. There were only two ways to go, the third was not possible. Kai chose left.

“Why are you going that way?” Dorian asked. “The other could be just as good.”

“This place is a maze, and I always go left through a maze, and it always gets me out,” she grinned. It was as stupid a reason as any.

“Do you have an answer for everything, however absurd?” he smiled.

“Mostly, yes. Absurd leaves people confused or bemused, giving me time to think,” she added, heading through another doorway. 

Damn, more cells, she thought. But there was a door at the end; maybe they could push their way through the blockage. Passing the cell doors, she noticed one of them was occupied. What she saw there, took the smile off her face. Grand Enchanter Fiona, trapped, with red lyrium growing out of her.

“Dorian,” she called, pulling him beside her. “Look.”

“Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed. Somehow that reminded her of Cullen, he said that a lot. She always thought it a Templar thing. Maybe not.

“Fiona?” she called hesitantly. Was she even aware? 

Kai saw Fiona turn her head, and her eyes opened wide in shock. “We thought you were dead, that Alexius had destroyed you sending you through the rift.”

Kai went to answer, but Dorian dived in. “Can you tell us the year, we need to know,” he demanded.

“Harvestmere...9.42 Dragon,” she replied, her voice croaking. “Your friends, your Spymaster and Commander are still here. Find them, before the Elder One learns you’re here. He rose after you were gone, more powerful than the Maker.”

“A whole year?” Kai exclaimed. Talking was becoming a struggle for Fiona, and there was nothing they could do to help. She looked back at Dorian.

“If I can get the amulet Alexius used, I may be able to get us back. We can stop all of this happening,” he said hopefully. “Or it could turn us into paste.” he added, less so. 

“We have to try, Dorian. We also need to find the others, and hope they can help us get out of here,” she insisted.

Her first thought was for Leliana; her friend was alive at least. But in what state, she wondered after seeing Fiona. And Cullen, how did he always end up in the worst situations. Ferelden, Kirkwall, now this. If the Maker had a sense of humour with Kai, he was being a total bastard where Cullen was concerned. 

But what were they doing here? Cassandra and Bull, she could guess why they were might be. But how did the others end up at Redcliffe?

They had to find the others, which now meant hunting through the rest of the dungeon. Heading back out, they made first for the other side of the junction. Go left, maze rules she thought, seeing the number of doors they were presented with at each section.

They eventually found Cassandra, locked up with red lyrium everywhere around, but not in her cell. She looked infected, a crimson hue coming off her, and her eyes were no longer brown but red. When she spoke it almost sounded like a tight echo, her voice bouncing into itself. What were they doing to her?

The same astonishment Fiona showed was mirrored in Cassandra’s response to seeing her and Dorian, as they released her from the cell.

“Maker forgive me, I failed everyone. It must truly be the end if the dead have returned to us.”

There was a pattern here, Kai thought. “I didn’t die, we just...”

“We got sent forward in time. If I can find Alexius and the amulet, we might be able to return and prevent all this. Sounds good, yes?” Dorian interrupted.

Cassandra’s usual recalcitrance was missing in the person Kai saw before her. “After you died, we could not stop the Elder One from rising. Empress Celene was murdered, and the army that swept in was a horde of demons. Nothing could stop them.”

The more they discovered, the worse it became. Paste or not, they had to get the amulet, get back to their own time, and try and stop all this from happening. But they also had foreknowledge now, of this Elder One and his plans. They knew what his intentions were.

Moving on and back through the doors they passed, they found Bull with the same crimson hue and red eyes, and strange sounding voice.

“You’re not dead. You’re supposed to be dead,” he stated, more confused than surprised, as they released him. He went over to Cassandra, nodding a greeting.

“I know, I’m getting that a lot today,” Kai sighed, scratching her head. “Rumours of my death are a little exaggerated. I’m no more dead than you are.”

Bull grunted. “So dead, and not dead, are up for debate now. Wonderful.”

Dorian groaned. “This conversation has taken a turn for the moronic. Look, we got sent forward in time, and are off to fight Alexius. We find the amulet; we get back to our own time and stop all this. Good enough?”

“Kill Alexius, that’ll do. Got any weapons?” Bull asked.

“Not...yet. There has to be an armoury somewhere...we hope,” Kai replied watching Bull frown.

Bull looked at Cassandra, and back at her. “So what do we do in the meantime, use bad language?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest.

“Why not? Just shout...Vishante Kaffas at them, the confusion will make them pause at least,” Kai replied, shrugging her shoulders.

“Where did you learn to curse in Tevene?” Dorian laughed.

“You know, you pick things up here and there. I have a few choice phrases in reserve, different languages. Just in case they’re needed,” she smiled.

As they returned again to the junction, there were a couple of guards pouring out of the now open third exit. Before she and Dorian could make a move, she heard Bull yell ‘Vishante Kaffas’. Maker, it worked, allowing them a few precious seconds for Dorian to prime the Fire Glyphs and her to start firing, taking them down.

“Told you,” she remarked, watching another frown on Bull’s face. “Never underestimate the power of words.” She knew she was bluffing, but would he.

Heading up, they found the Guard Barracks. Please let there be weapons she thought. If they actually came across proper resistance, their poorly armed party would not last long. Searching around, Cassandra found a locked door.

“I think this might be what we’re looking for,” pointing to the sign saying Armoury. “We need to get it open,” she added, looking at Kai.

Shit, her lockpicking skills were rusty, but she had to get this door open. Kai got out a pick and tension wrench and began, her ear to the lock. She heard the first lever go, eventually. Then the comments started.

Cassandra snorted. “We should have bought Varric with us.”

“Nah,” Bull replied. “Sera’s quicker, she could have had three doors open by now.”

Dorian sniggered.

Kai growled, “Well, you’re stuck with me, so unless you want to learn more curses to throw out, I suggest you put a sock in it, and let me get on with this lock.”

Silence, blessed silence. Three more levers and the door opened. She had to practice more, this was embarrassing.

Kai got up and moved away. “Knock yourselves out.” 

As Bull and Cassandra searched for suitable weapons, Kai went looking for a bow for Leliana, and then remembered. “Cassandra, can you pick up sword and shield as well, please.” She saw Cassandra nod. Kai guessed she knew who those were for.

If they’re still alive she thought, please let them be. And not just because she needed their help. 

Leliana had been with Kai after her accident, had talked with her, told her stories and taught her skills that helped Kai later on. She gave Kai impetuous to continue when she saw no point in going on. Leliana had quite literally saved her life, and she would do no less in return. 

And there was no way she’d let Cullen suffer more than he already had. 

Finally they were ready to move on, all weaponised. Now they just had to find where Leliana and Cullen were being held. Upwards they went reaching a clearer corridor, clear from lyrium at least. But the whole place smelt just...wrong.

Kai heard Leliana’ voice, or more precisely her laugh first, a fierce angry cackle, not the soft airy one she loved to hear. “He’ll have to get used to disappointment!” she shouted.

Found her! Kai rushed in, to see a Venatori with a knife at her friend’s throat. He turned to see who it was as Kai readied her bow, but Leliana was quicker, wrapping her legs around the man’s neck, before snapping it. 

“You’re alive!” Leliana was surprised, but didn’t express the shock she’d seen with the others. 

Kai rushed forward, grabbed the keys off the dead guard and released her friend. “And you’re impressive,” she replied, now seeing her properly. Leliana was thinner, her clothes frayed; arms scarred by cuts, and her face dark, pitted and sallow. She looked like a living corpse.

“Maker, what have they done to you?” Kai wanted to hug her, so pleased to see her, but worried she might break something if she did. She tentatively put her arms out and Leliana did the same. She gently held her, before they broke away, a lump rising into her throat.

“Did you bring...” Leliana gave a tiny smile as Kai produced the second bow and a quiver.

“Are you sure you can do this?” Kai asked trying to smile back, worried if she had the strength to help them. 

“Kai, they just made me angry. You know me; it would take more than their efforts to break me.” She squeezed Kai’s hand.

Kai shook her head, “I know,” she said quietly. 

“I take it you’re after Alexius. He’ll be in the throne room. He never leaves it now.” Leliana strapped the bow and quiver to her back.

Dorian tried to explain how they ended up there, but Leliana silenced him. “Stop talking,” she growled. “If you can stop all of this, that’s all I care about. I used to stand up for mages...until this, until you destroyed the world. No one should have this power.”

Dorian went to speak again, but Kai glanced back mouthing a NO at him.

“Leliana, where’s Cullen? Fiona said he was here too.” Kai hoped to distract her, and the venom she was building up.

Leliana nodded her head towards the corridor. “The room opposite. They bled him earlier. He...may not be strong enough.”

“Wait...they did what? Is this what they did to you? Why?” 

“We were both resistant. Alexius is trying to find a way to stem the Blight, using our blood and flesh.” She rolled up her sleeve to show red patches where her skin had been removed, some older, some still looking raw. 

“There were others, but they died. He wants to save his son, and we pay the price. To him...we’re just animals to be experimented on. He keeps us alive just to be of use.”

Kai remembered Dorian’s words back in the Redcliffe Chantry when she asked about Felix. Lingering illness, Dorian had said. So that’s what he meant, Felix was infected with the Blight. And Leliana and Cullen were paying with their bodies so Alexius could find a way to what, cure it, delay it?

Kai couldn’t mask the ire in her voice when she faced Dorian. “This is for Felix, all this...” there was no word strong enough to describe it. “Your former mentor is a fucking inhuman monster, and he is so dead after you get that amulet. No arguments. Someone who does this does not deserve to live. Are we clear?”

Dorian nodded, raising his hands “No arguments from me.”

“Good,” she affirmed. Kai began to calm herself. She needed a clear head to deal with the rest of this mess. “Now we see to Cullen.”

But she dreaded what she would find. The man she left back at Haven was healthy, looking better the morning they left. What she saw when she opened the door was not that man. His armour was gone, his tunic and trousers cut away leaving residual red patches, where they had removed his skin. For a moment she thought he was dead, until he lifted his head hearing the noise of the door opening.

When he saw her it wasn’t surprise or shock, it was panic. “No, you’re dead. You died, you can’t be here.” He closed his eyes and opened them again. 

Kai hesitated, feeling someone come up behind her.

“Cullen, she is alive. It is her.” Leliana’s voice was now stronger. Cullen glanced at Leliana and then back at Kai.

“Maker, I thought...” his voice quieter now. 

Kai knew exactly what he thought. She walked over to him and undid the shackles holding him in the chair. His face was gaunt, marked, eyes sunken and hollow. A beard covered the lower part of his face, hiding the little scar above his lip. His body was thinner, just like Leliana’s. There was a fresh cut on his arm, probably where they drained his blood from.

She smiled gently. “See Cullen, it only took you to make me serious.”

“You’re still joking though,” he replied, his eyes watching her.

“Maybe a little, but not at you,” she said softly.

Kai crouched beside him and laid her hand gently on his arm. He had never looked as frail as he did right then, and a tiny part inside of her broke at seeing him like this. He wasn’t going to be able to come with them, she could see that. There was no possible way he could hold a sword, let alone fight.

She looked in him straight in the eyes and began to explain. “We didn’t die; we were shifted forward in time. And now, we are going to find Alexius and the amulet to fix this so it never happens. And you can continue to pick me up again if I fall on my arse.”

A small smile crossed his face. “Alright,” he replied.

Kai went to get up, but he shifted his arm taking hold of hers with his hand. “Wait.”

She crouched down again. He looked back at Leliana indicating her to leave. She stepped back, out of the doorway, moving the others with her, and pulled the door to. 

“Right pocket, there’s something there,” he instructed. “I managed to hold onto it.”

Kai reached in and pulled out a coin. “This?” she asked, holding up a silver coin, watching him nod.

“Take it for luck, a present from me.” His other hand moved to cup her cheek, his thumb stroking it gently. “I...I didn’t realise until I thought you were gone.”

Kai could see in his eyes what he meant.

“Cullen...I...” she sighed. How she could tell a dying man she wasn’t sure she would love him. Evidently the coin was important to him, something more than just a good luck charm.

“All I ask is...if I have the sense and courage to do something, just give me a chance, nothing more.” He gave her a slight smile, and she smiled back at him.

She looked at him for a moment, seeing how he waited for her response. “Alright, a chance then. I promise that,” she answered. He was only asking for a chance, and even that may never happen.

He drew her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “Now, go and save the world, and maybe I’ll get that chance,” he smirked.

Kai laughed. “That’s sneaky, Cullen.”

“Perhaps a little, but I like a challenge and you are definitely that.” The smirk was still there.

“You were right, Cullen. I did have no idea and I did underestimate you,” she said, shaking her head. “And you got a bonus for making me laugh. Did you work that one out too?”

Cullen just raised an eyebrow, still with that infuriating smirk. Kai rolled her eyes, groaning.

“I have a world to save,” she announced. “If I’m excused that is.” He nodded and let go of her hand.

As she got up to leave, she heard...

“Good luck.”

Kai bit her lip, and grinned as she said. “I don’t need luck, I have arrows.” This time there was definitely a wink.

Kai slipped the coin into her pocket. Turning to the door, she straightened her tunic and face, and left. But inside she was smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 Future Redcliffe
> 
> After facing off against Alexius and returning to their own time, Kai meets an old friend. Returning to Haven, the briefing does not go as she hopes. 
> 
> Kai's feelings about Cullen begin to shift.  
> .  
> .  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains some brief, graphic descriptions of violence.  
> .  
> .  
> 

Kai was slotting in the red lyrium shards they’d collected, into the enormous door, the last obstacle between themselves and Alexius. And the amulet, the one thing they desperately needed to get back to their own time. Maker, she hoped he still had it. They had no idea what they would face on the other side, and this time they were on their own, just the five of them.

What they’d seen on the way here was beyond disturbing, it was a waking nightmare. The Breach was no longer just a gaping hole into the Fade, it spanned the entire world. The Fade bled in everywhere, rifts and demons around every corner. The smell she sensed before became stronger the closer to the open they got. It was the smell of despair and hopelessness.

Whoever this Elder One was, he was willing to destroy the world to become a god. And she wasn’t about to let the bastard get away with it. If there was any hope of reversing the damage, she’d seize it. Leliana told her that Inquisition and Ferelden forces had tried to take back the castle. But Cullen had been right, it was too defensible, both armies had been broken against the walls. It was an act of desperation, a last chance.

As the door opened and they walked in, Kai could see Alexius in practically the same place she last saw him, by the throne. It was hard to miss the figure crouched on the floor beside him. Felix. Or what was left of him. She quickly scanned the room, but could see no-one else there. Her anger had passed; her sole focus was the amulet. Kai summoned her best persuasive tone.

“Alexius, what you’ve done here...is indefensible. But help us put this right. Give us the amulet.” 

“It’s too late, it’s doesn’t matter anymore. All we can do is wait for the end. The Elder One will come for us all.” His voice was that of a broken man, past caring, a man waiting to die.

It was then that Dorian saw Felix, and he wasn’t as measured. “Maker’s breath, Alexius, what have you done to him?” he demanded angrily.

“He would have died Dorian, I had to save him,” his voice almost pleading.

“And you call that living? All this, everything you’ve done, it’s monstrous,” he fumed

“I know, all I’ve wrought is ruin and death,” he replied, resigned to what he had done.

Kai put her hand on Dorian’s arm to quieten him. She had seen Leliana moving to come up beside the dais. Kai stepped forward to distract Alexius, and in that moment Leliana grabbed Felix, holding a knife to his throat.

“The amulet, give us the amulet, Alexius,” Kai demanded. 

This wasn’t what she would normally do, it ran counter to all her instincts, holding someone hostage, but stopping this nightmare overrode that. Leliana had been right, she was making compromises, Maker help her. 

Alexius evidently didn’t care about himself, but he cared for his son, his face showing fear and alarm at seeing Felix threatened. 

“I’ll do anything you want, just don’t hurt my son!” he begged.

“I want the world back,” snarled Leliana.

Then Kai watched, horrified, as Leliana slit Felix’s throat. No, Maker, not like this. She should have known, she should have realised, she should have stopped her. How can you live through so much torture and not want revenge. And what more effective way than to hurt the person they cared about most. As the blood poured from Felix’s throat and he crumpled to the floor, Alexius screamed and launched his attack, flinging Leliana backwards.

He then focused his rage on the rest of them. As Bull and Cassandra moved to take him on, Kai could hear their rage vocalised. This future was poison, corrupting everything in it. Anger, hatred, fear, torture. 

Now it was a question of killing Alexius and getting the amulet, so they could return to their own time. Kai looked around for Leliana; she was up and firing, anger driving her. Five of on them on Alexius, and he was fade stepping all over the Hall. Trying to get a bead on him was increasingly a problem. It was easier for her, Dorian and Leliana as they fought from a distance, but for Bull and Cassandra it meant constantly chasing him down.

And then, Alexius opened a fade rift. Kai had never seen anyone able to that, but in this dark future the place was littered with them. They had to get rid of it, quickly. 

“Rift!” shouted Cassandra.

“I know!” she yelled back.

Kai ran forward stealthing, and drew on the rift with the mark, weakening it, and demons at the same time, a trick she’d learnt back in the Hinterlands. It was dangerous, but during one particularly bad rift near the farms, it meant the difference between success and death, just. Luckily, there was a camp nearby where they could tend to their wounds.

The first wave was now dealt with, and the second on its way. She stealthed again, used the mark and the second group were dispatched in the same manner. Kai closed the rift, her hand throbbing now. 

So many rifts in such a short period of time made the mark hurt, like opening and closing a wound. The residual itch was always there, but Kai had become accustomed to that. No sooner had they moved back to deal with Alexius, he opened yet another rift. Again she moved to counter it, the discomfort becoming more painful now, the mark tearing at her hand. Again they managed to close it.

All their focus was now on Alexius, and she prayed he wouldn’t open another rift. Drawing her bow was difficult with the pain, so Kai switched to her daggers and stealthed, moving behind him. Bull and Cassandra had him distracted, with Leliana and Dorian flanking him. He was weakening, his movements slowing, his barrier slipping. Now at his back, she plunged her blades into his neck crossways and sliced, severing his spinal cord. Alexius was gone.

Dorian crouched next to him, searching for the amulet.

“He wanted to die didn’t he,” he said sadly, removing it from a pocket.

“He was too far gone, but maybe the one back in our time can be reasoned with,” Kai replied. Even after all Alexius had done, it couldn’t have been easy for Dorian, having to kill someone he’d known so well.

“Maybe,” he sighed, examining the amulet. “This is the same one we made back in Minrathous. Give me an hour to work out the spell, and I think I can get us back.”

Suddenly the ground shook as it if there was an earthquake, accompanied by an unearthly howl.

“The Elder One,” said Leliana, looking at Kai. “He knows you’re here. You have to go now!”

Cassandra and Bull turned to each other, and nodded. “We’ll go out front and hold them off for as long as we can,” Bull declared. “One last fight.”

“Just like old times,” added Cassandra.

But there was little emotion in either of their faces.

Kai didn’t want them to go, didn’t want them to sacrifice themselves. But understood, that if she and Dorian were to have a chance, there was no other choice.

“We’ll fix it, we’ll stop all this from happening,” she promised, as they left the Hall and the huge doors shut behind them.

Dorian was back on the dais, priming the spell. Kai looked at her friend and took her hand.

“Stop this. Stop the Elder One. You know what’s at stake now. Promise me, Kai. Promise me you’ll do that, whatever it takes.” Leliana was insistent.

“Ok, I promise,” Kai sighed, knowing that this promise was darker. 

Whatever it takes; there was no limit on what that could mean. Compromises might the least she would have to do. All this was such a long way from what she was used to. Did she have enough steel in her to be able to do whatever it took?

As Leliana let go of Kai’s hand and stood before the enormous doors, Kai returned to Dorian. He was still priming the spell when the doors were flung open, Venatori and demons storming in. For someone who had been tortured for possibly the best part of year, Leliana fought like she was unstoppable, taking down several of the enemy, before sheer numbers overwhelmed her. 

Kai’s instinct was to save her, but before she got two paces ahead, Dorian yanked her back. “You can’t help her, and we have to go now!”

The rift was open, and as they passed through, they were back in their own time. But not before Kai saw her friend being killed, torn apart by a demon.

“You’ll have to do better than that,” Dorian quipped, staring at Alexius.

Alexius was on his knees. He had failed to carry out his part of the Elder One’s plans, and had no choice but to surrender. Kai had seen what could happen if he had succeeded, and had watched her friends suffer and die. Right now she couldn’t bring herself to talk to him. She called to the Inquisition soldiers in the Hall.

“Take him away,” she ordered, watching as he was led away, Felix following, a man much braver than his father.

But her work wasn’t over, and her next decision would be controversial. The Advisors had sent her to recruit help from the mages and that’s exactly what she would do. The conciliator in her was aware that offering a full alliance would also offer a chance of redemption. Based on the incalculably bad decision the mages had made in signing up with Alexius, she was sure they would be more than eager to prove their worth in helping the Inquisition, if she offered that. There is no one so grateful, as someone offered a chance to redeem themselves willingly.

The doors to the Hall were flung open a second time, but now it was the Ferelden royal guard marching in, rather than Venatori and demons. And that meant only one thing. King Alistair was here, and as he came in, she saw Queen Anora with him. Shit, both of them here could signify trouble. Luckily for her, it was Fiona they were unhappy with, for abusing their offer of help and allowing their people to be driven out. Evidently, Arl Teagan had reached them after all.

Kai liked Alistair; he was the most unkinglike king she’d ever met. Kai had first met him at the ceremony for unveiling the statue raised in Aedan’s honour. But as the monarchs talked with Fiona, he was every inch a king. And Anora, well, Kai couldn’t ever recall seeing her step back from being on duty. She wasn’t pretentious, but the role was her life.

Now they were throwing the mages out of Ferelden, this was her cue.

“But where will we go? We have hundreds who need protection.” Fiona sounded desperate.

Kai walked over, and briefly bowed, acknowledging Alistair and Anora with “Your Majesties” before speaking to Fiona.

“Well, we did come for your support. We would welcome the mages’ assistance in closing the Breach...as allies of the Inquisition,” Kai offered soothingly. 

Cassandra was never one to keep quiet. “We’ll discuss this...later,” she grumbled.

Fiona looked at Cassandra and then back at Kai, who had on her best diplomatic smile. “We accept your offer. It would be madness not to. I promise you we will do our utmost to help you close the Breach.”

And there it was; gratitude at being offered a lifeline, a chance. As Fiona left to organise her people, Kai turned to Alistair.

“You were always a smooth one, Kai,” he smiled.

“Hello Alistair,” she turned. “Queen Anora,” she nodded, getting a nod back. Kai was always careful to use the title with her. Anora moved away allowing Kai to talk with Alistair.

“Just thought we’d take them off your hands, especially after all this,” Kai smiled generously. 

“You were the last person I thought would be involved in this Inquisition. Stepping off the sidelines, not your thing I would have imagined,” he queried.

“Trust me, it isn’t. But I didn’t get a choice in the matter,” she replied holding up her hand. 

Alistair stepped forward peering at the mark. “Very luminous...in a creepy sort of way.” That was his favourite word, creepy.

“And that’s the last time I do a favour for my parents,” she bemoaned. “Just attend the Conclave for us they said, represent the family, you can use your skills and offer help. This is not the help I imagined I’d be offering.” Kai sighed. 

“Aedan didn’t imagine where he would end up either,” Alistair replied gently, taking her arm. “Try not to get yourself killed. The Blight was bad enough, but I don’t like what we’ve been hearing. I’ll send what information we have to Leliana.” He leant closer and whispered, “And try not to litter my kingdom with too many Inquisition camps, Anora’s getting twitchy already.”

“I promise we will show due consideration, your Royal Highness,” she nodded, a soft smile on her lips.

“Maker’s breath!” he groaned. “Please speak normally. I have enough of that nonsense as it is.”

Kai smiled. “Understood, I promise we’ll keep it to a minimum. How’s that sound?”

“Better,” he answered. “Now, as this problem is sorted, I assume you’ll be wanting to get on your way.”

“Why Alistair, I do believe you’ve just thrown us out,” she asked, eyebrow raised.

“You assume correctly,” he smiled, kissing her on the cheek. “And take care of yourself.”

Kai bowed, watching him roll his eyes. She did the same to Anora on their way out. As they left, Dorian sidled up to her.

“So, on first name terms with royalty now?” he inquired nosily.

“Long story, I’ll tell you about it when we get back. If you’re still planning on staying that is?” She glanced at him.

His face was serious now. “This is what some of us have been fighting against for aeons, this arrogance and madness. It’s my duty to stand with you, to make sure the future we saw never comes to pass.”

Kai put out her hand. “Welcome to the Inquisition,” she said, watching him take it to seal the offer. “Now let’s go home.”

As they mounted their horses, Dorian called out “About that bed?”

“We’ll see. No promises, mind” she replied, sighing. 

Kai had made enough promises today, this was just one too many.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arriving back at Haven, they were met by one of the messengers.

“The Advisors are waiting for you and Lady Cassandra in the Chantry. They would appreciate your presence at your earliest convenience,” he parroted. It sounded like Josephine’s words.

That meant now. Her earliest convenience would be after a wash, some food, and a nap too. Her message had been deliberately vague about the arrangement with the mages. But knowing Leliana, they probably were already aware of the nature of the offer. Nothing escaped her, especially as she had agents in Redcliffe. Although Leliana was her friend, she had a duty to the Inquisition and Kai understood that.

As she entered the War Room with Cassandra, Kai quickly scanned their faces; Leliana impassive as ever, Josephine with a slight smile, and Cullen with his darkened face. They knew.

Cullen didn’t hold back, his voice furious. “What were you thinking? Turning mages loose with no oversight? The Veil is torn open!”

Normally Kai would have replied gently, diplomatically, but for the first time she bristled at his words. Her tone barely veiled her annoyance.

“We need their aid. It’s not going help us if we make enemies of them. I believe conscripting them would do that,” she shot back.

“I know we need them, but they could do as much damage as the demons themselves. You should have consulted us before making this rash arrangement.” His voice was louder.

Kai chose her next words deliberately, her voice even louder, and firmer. “I understand your concerns, but I felt they deserved another chance. People often say or do the wrong thing when they are scared for their lives. And my understanding was that you wanted the situation dealt with. Well, it has been. There is no longer a foreign presence in Redcliffe, and we have support to close the Breach.” Kai stared back at Cullen.

Cullen’s jaw clenched as he glared at her. She knew her words had hit home, but not in the way she hoped. Instead of making him see, she’d only angered him more. He looked over at Cassandra.

“You were there, why didn’t you stop this?” he demanded.

“I may not agree with the decision, but I support it. Gaining the mages’ aid was one of the goals of this mission and we have achieved that. Closing the Breach is all that matters,” she replied calmly.

Josephine spoke in a placid tone. “We cannot change the terms of the offer now, without looking incompetent or tyrannical. We have no choice but to honour it.”

Kai could feel Cullen’s concerns being brushed aside, and felt responsible. She had misjudged how he would take her words, and probably insulted him to boot. 

“I saw what would happen if we failed,” she insisted.

As Kai detailed what she and Dorian had seen in the dark future, and the consequences, she saw they realised the magnitude of what the Inquisition faced.

“We need to find out more of these plans, what you saw in this dark future. A demon army and the assassination of Empress Celene,” said Leliana, now troubled.

“One battle at a time,” Cullen growled. “First, we need to organise our troops and the mage recruits to close the Breach.”

Kai tried to make amends. “Krem may be able to provide some advice about fighters and mages working together,” she offered, her voice gentler. Bull had suggested it on the way back.

He shot a quick, stern look at her. “I’ll talk to him.” His reply was equally short and sharp.

“Perhaps we should reconvene again tomorrow morning, and look at this in more detail,” suggested Josephine. She was the conciliator Kai should have been.

As they filed out, Kai stayed behind, leaning on the War Table, looking at the markers, the missions still underway. All she could think of in that moment was that she was in danger of breaking the first promise she’d made, the one to Cullen. And it bothered her, made her feel bad. 

Kai heard the door click shut behind her and felt someone approach her, quietly. Leliana walked so softly, it was only the gentle swish of her coat that gave her away, and only if you knew what the sound was.

“So, when did you get emotional with Cullen? That was a first.” Kai saw the raised eyebrows and look of curiosity on her face. “You’ve never had a reaction to him like that. You always placated him, or ignored him with a smile...”

“Maker, I should apologise. I was out of order; how could I have completely misjudged him?” Kai groaned. “I should go and talk to him, explain.”

“And when did you stop thinking clearly? You need to let him calm down, otherwise it’ll be a continuation of the spectacle we just had. Kai, you and I need to have a serious talk, and I want to know everything that happened.” She paused. 

“Anyone would think you’re beginning to care about him,” Leliana teased, smiling.

Kai could not have looked guiltier if she had tried. Nearly all the way back she had thought about him, about how vulnerable he’d looked, and how she wanted to see him as he should be, normal and healthy. Instead of being happy to see him, she’d fought with him. 

Leliana’s smile intensified. “Sweet Maker, you are!” she exclaimed.

Kai groaned “It’s not funny. I have to work with him and...” she sighed, “...I honestly don’t know what I feel. All I know is that it’s different, and he got under my skin tonight when he yelled at me.”

“We’ll talk first, you can apologise to him later. You need to calm down too. He was no grumpier than he has been before. It’s you that’s seen him in another light. Come on, we’ll go to your cabin for some privacy.” She took Kai’s arm and guided her out of the Chantry.

As they approached the cabin, Kai could see Cullen talking to Varric, his back to her. Leliana grasped her arm tighter, moving her forward as Kai’s footsteps stalled a little. She fingered the coin in her pocket, glancing at the back of his head.

They reached her cabin and both sat on the bed.

“Right, now talk. And I want everything,” insisted Leliana.

Kai sighed heavily and began.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her talk with Leliana, Kai visits Cullen to apologise. Things don't quite go as planned...  
> .  
> .

Kai told Leliana everything, including the details she had omitted in the War Room. They were largely to do with Cullen. But some were about Leliana. Her sacrifice had allowed Kai and Dorian time to escape.

Kai thanked her, to a response of “Pfft, one small life for a second chance at history, I always loved a bargain.” Leliana said.

“But it was still noble, and amazing,” she acknowledged, hugging her. Again she owed her life to her friend.

“Kai, how many times have you laid your life on the line for the Inquisition?” Leliana proposed. “Well?”

“But I’ve not done it alone, Leliana. It’s always been with help. It truly isn’t the same,” she explained. She wasn’t sure how she would behave if it was just her. Kai had never been tested, truly tested. 

“Always with an answer,” Leliana shrugged, sighing.

Leliana sat peering at the silver coin resting on the bed between them.

“So...he never actually said he loved you?” she inquired, flipping it over.

“No, I just presumed that was what he meant...shit, maybe I misunderstood?” Kai scratched her head. “Maker, the more I think about this, the weirder it becomes.”

Leliana laughed. “Let’s see. You didn’t want to get involved with him, thinking you wouldn’t fall for him, until you meet in the future where he implies he’s fallen for you. But only after he assumes you’re dead. Seeing him vulnerable touches your heart, and thinking that he loves you, leads you to start thinking about him. You develop feelings for him, but back in this time, he’s not conscious of how he feels. Because you’re still alive.” She shook her head.

“Don’t forget the promise, not to mention the coin. Now there are two coins in this time.” Kai replied despairingly. Maker, could it be any more convoluted?

“I know, we just tell him you’re dead, and everything is resolved,” Leliana grinned.

“Maker’s mercy, no! Look, I do care, but I don’t know if I love him. Dammit, I should have just seduced him weeks ago and then worked through the aftermath. It would have been much simpler. I only avoided it because I thought it might...cause complications.” Kai placed her head in her hands and groaned.

“Perhaps you should sleep with him?” Leliana was sniggering now.

“Please stop trying to help. It actually isn’t helping,” Kai lamented, groaning again, hearing more sniggering. 

“Do you feel calmer now though? Calmer enough to go and apologise?” Leliana asked slyly. 

Kai lifted her head to see a smirk on her friend’s face. “You are enjoying this far too much!” she scolded. “Actually I do feel less irritated, just more confused now I’ve described it to you.”

“I think you should go and say sorry. Put on your best face, apologise and then leave. What could be simpler? You know he’s usually up late, working.” Leliana made it sound so straightforward.

Had Kai been less tired and thinking more clearly, she might have sensed the trap lying underneath that simple proposition.

“You’re right, I’ll get it over with,” she agreed, picking up the coin, and popping it back in her pocket. Kai changed her boots and slung on a tunic.

As they left the cabin together, and Kai headed off in the direction of Cullen’s tent, she missed the smirk on Leliana’s face and the jaunty step as she wandered back to her tent to work.

\--------------

Kai could see the flap on his tent half open at the bottom, and a light still showing. Doubtless he was working as Leliana suggested. Kai was aware of the odd hours he kept.

Apologise and leave, simple, she thought. Kai bent under the flap and stepped into Cullen’s tent with a greeting.

“Hello Cul...” was as far as she got. For a few seconds Kai stood there, her mouth open, before turning around rapidly and apologising profusely. “I...erm...I’m really sorry, I thought...um...you were working.” 

Cullen hadn’t been working; he was in an advanced stage of undressing. Clad only in his smalls, with one leg still in a pair of breeches he was in the process of removing. In those few seconds Kai had a pretty decent eyeful of his body, trying not to linger on a specific part of his anatomy. That would be just plain rude, even though she was curious. 

“I think perhaps I should go,” she added, her sense functioning now, and she bent down to leave.

“Wait...just let me get some clothes on,” he responded, huffing. He must be trying to get dressed, she thought, considering the noises.

“Alright.” Kai stared at her feet, noticing the scuff marks on the toe of her left boot. She always dragged that foot a little more now. She puffed out a breath.

Suddenly she heard Cullen curse, accompanied by a crash of something falling, then what sounded like him falling. Kai spun around to see Cullen sprawled out across his cot, one leg of his breeches halfway down his leg, and the other leg of his breeches twisted around his foot and ankle. Her hand flew to her mouth trying to stifle a laugh. He’d landed legs in the air, and as he rocked back and forth on the cot, Kai could see he would struggle to get up without help.

She approached his prostrate form, biting her lip to restrain the giggles threatening to break free. But when she reached him and saw his face, she couldn’t hold back. He was frustrated and embarrassed in equal measure. When she chuckled, his face took on a scowl.

“I’m so sorry, I know it’s rude of me, but it is funny,” she confessed. Kai cleared her throat in an attempt to hold back the mirth.

“Need a hand, Cullen?” she asked, holding out her hand, and trying to keep her eyes focused on his face. 

The scowl changed to a slight smile as he evidently remembered her slip on the ice. 

“I might need two, if you have another one to spare,” he smirked.

She offered her other hand as well, and he took hold of both. Maker, he was heavier than he looked as she pulled and he tried to raise himself. Kai pressed her legs against the frame to try to get better leverage as she tugged. As the pair of them struggled, their movements shifted the legs of the cot which now collapsed. As Cullen went down with it, he took Kai with him, both of them now in an inelegant heap on the floor.

And of course, she had to end up on top of him. He let go of her hands and she rolled off to the side, breathing a sigh of relief. Maker, that could have been tricky. Much as she wondered what lay underneath his armour, this was perhaps not the best time to discover more than she’d seen earlier. 

As they glanced at each other lying on the flattened cot, both of them burst out laughing. Kai couldn’t resist a joke.

“So, is it my turn to help you off your arse now?” she quipped, seeing him smile widely.

“Perhaps it is,” he acknowledged. “If you could extricate my foot, that might help.”

Kai got up and knelt by his feet. She managed to get the leg of his breeches untangled, allowing him to get himself free. As he got up, she sat back down on the collapsed cot. She watched as he finally got his breeches back on, along with a shirt, then came and sat next to her.

“Thank you,” he said, still smiling.

“You’re welcome. Just don’t tell anyone I got you out of your breeches,” she snickered.

His hand flew to the back of his neck. “Yes, well. I doubt I’ll be reporting that one.” 

They remained in silence for a moment or two, looking ahead. She thought she’d be nervous just sitting there with him, but she didn’t feel that at all. It was comfortable.

Cullen spoke first. “You came to see me, did you need something?”

Kai raised her legs up slightly, knees bent, propping her hands on them. “I...wanted to apologise for earlier. I shouldn’t have snapped. You were just being...”

“Grumpy?” he ventured.

Kai looked at him, he had that lopsided smirk thing going on. She always found it rather cute, but now it turned into more as her gaze locked on it. She dragged her eyes away, conscious she was gawking.

“Maybe a tad,” she smiled. “But you did have a point.”

“I’m sorry too. I recognise I overreacted.” Cullen sighed. “I won’t endanger the alliance; my sole concern is everyone’s safety. You’re right...about what people can do...when they’re afraid.” Kai saw him looking down at his hands. She realised what he must be thinking.

She was torn between telling him that she knew about Kinloch, and keeping quiet. How would he feel if he realised that she was aware of his history all along? Maker, it was either too much knowledge or none at all. And she didn’t truly know him that well, not as he was now. 

“It was tonight when I realised you knew...about the Circle Tower, the way you looked at me. I had wondered why you never asked. I mean you inquired about everything else but that.” His voice was soft, but he had shifted to look at her.

“Cullen, I’m sorry...I...” She exhaled. He had allowed her the opportunity to come clean. 

“When Aedan died, he left me a diary of his travels, thoughts, people he met,” she was watching him as she spoke. “Including when they rescued you. What I know is from there. I know Leliana was with them, but she never told me the story. She knows I know if you understand what I mean.”

There was a brief flicker of anguish in his eyes, and then it passed. “I prefer not to drag it up again if I can avoid it. It still haunts me. Not as much as before, but it isn’t gone.” 

Kai laid her hand on his arm. “Cullen, however much I teased you, I would never press you if something was upsetting or uncomfortable. You know that,” she replied gently.

She could feel how warm he was through the fabric of his shirt, and how solid his forearm was. In fact what she had seen of him was pretty firm and muscular, a little more than she imagined.

He cocked his head. “Do I detect seriousness there, Herald?” he inquired, lifting an eyebrow.

Kai mimicked his action. “Call me Kai and I’ll give you an answer.”

Again with the smirk. Maker, that smirk would be the death of her. 

“Alright, Kai...so?” 

“Maybe...a little. Perhaps you’ve rubbed off on me, Cullen. I blame you,” she asserted, with mock defiance.

“Well, I’d call that an achievement. I would assume it’s more than anyone else has managed to do,” he retorted, chuckling. 

Kai shook her head. “You could be right there,” she admitted. 

There was further silence for a minute or two. The vision of Cullen in future Redcliffe rolled into her thoughts, even then she had still joked a little. But he probably had done more to smooth away her levity than most anyone else. Leliana was right; it was his vulnerability that had touched her. Cullen spoke, breaking her train of thought.

“I likewise have an admission, and a question,” he conceded. “If you don’t mind?”

She gave a slow blink as confirmation. “Go for it.” Part of her was slightly nervous now as well as a little curious.

“I did ask Leliana about the ring and whose it was. She told me. What I wondered was...why you still wear it?” He sounded a tad hesitant about how she would react. 

It was rather a personal question for him. Cullen didn’t ordinarily ask for information that was personal. He must have been thinking about it. Was this the realisation, or was she simply making more of this than was meant? And her hand was still resting on his arm. Maker, she was all but brandishing the ring under his nose.

Cullen saw her pause. “You don’t have to say. I’m sorry if I was...”

“It’s fine, honestly,” she interrupted. 

Kai swallowed before continuing. This was a fine line she had to tread, because she didn’t want to discourage him anymore, she wanted him to know he had a chance, even though he may not have feelings for her yet. Well, if it took her death for him to become aware, the whole thing could end up pointless anyway. Irrespective, she needed to tell him the truth as well.

“Our betrothal was planned as a marriage of alliance, but when we met we fell in love. I loved him so much, it broke me when he died. I swore then that I wouldn’t accept any less, and the ring was to remind me of that promise. Only when I found someone who meant as much, would I stop wearing it.” 

Kai was staring ahead, but could sense his eyes on her. What she said next, only a handful of people knew, and she didn’t understand why she felt the need to tell Cullen right then. He hadn’t asked her, but she wanted him to know.

“Normally, my parents would have arranged another marriage...but...I had an accident.” She swallowed again, harder this time. “It left me...unable to bear children. Not much good if you need to produce heirs. So that’s how I ended up doing what I did.”

She shuffled her knees higher, now removing her hand from his arm, and hugging her arms around her knees. “And...I have no idea why I told you that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” she apologised. 

What took place next, she didn’t foresee. 

Cullen put his arm around her, tenderly drawing her against him. “Maybe I should be, but I’m not. My older sister, Mia, never had children. She never disclosed why, but I have wondered if it was the same for her.”

In his embrace, Kai felt comfortable. His body was warm against her, and he was being kind. This was a side she’d only glimpsed briefly before. But then, she spent more time joking than getting to know him. This was the first time they’d talked in any great depth.

“Thank you,” Kai replied.

“What for?” he asked.

“For being kind, especially after I teased you so much. I would have taken it out of my hide long ago, for being such arse to you.” She had poked at him a lot.

He laughed. “You were never unkind, Kai. Irritating sometimes maybe, but never unkind.” He lent his head lower, whispering now, “But do it again, and I may be tempted to do just that.”

Kai glanced up, he was smirking again. Was he serious or just winding her up? She really couldn’t tell.

“Are you...?” she inquired.

“Am I what?” he asked back.

“Nothing, never mind,” she replied looking away.

“Did you want to know if I meant it?” he questioned. Kai looked back up and nodded.

“Well, I think that’s a conversation for another time. You and I should both get some sleep,” he responded enigmatically. Cullen took his arm away, and stood up, then extending a hand to help Kai. 

He pulled her up, resting his hands on her shoulders. “Do you want me to walk you back?”

Kai rolled her eyes. “Cullen, I’m a grown woman. I’ve killed demons and Venatori, and Maker knows what else.”

“I didn’t ask if you needed me to, I asked if you wanted me to,” he replied, staring into her eyes.

His eyes, his amazing amber coloured eyes. Last time he stared into her eyes like this it made her twitchy, nervous. Now as he did it again, a flutter flicked through her chest as her heartbeat stumbled over itself. Her mouth, her lips were dry, so she swallowed and licked her lips to regain some moisture.

“Oh, ok. Then yes,” she breathed. 

He let go of her and put on a tunic and boots. The walk back to her cabin was no more than a few minutes. All that way he just walked beside her, with no further contact between them. As they arrived at the cabin, for a split second as he stepped forward, she thought he was going to kiss her, but he didn’t. A slight involuntary sigh escaped from her lips.

He nodded slightly, smirking again. “Goodnight Kai,” he said softly.

“Night, Cullen,” she smiled, biting her lip.

Cullen then just turned and strode away, leaving Kai standing there, scratching her head. She shook her head, still smiling and went inside. There was minor tightness, tension in her sternum, and her hand absentmindedly rubbed over it. 

In the space of a few hours, she’d moved from wanting to see him, to disagreeing with him at the War Table, and now...well now, she absolutely did want to kiss him and more. Evidently he felt something for her, but not the deep emotion he professed back in future Redcliffe. 

What she felt for him wasn’t that powerful punch of emotion, but she did care for him more now. She was doubtless further down the path than he was; she had to wait and hope he would catch up with her. Perhaps, after they closed the Breach, when everything was settled, things might develop. 

Maybe this time he would give her a chance.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following day does not exactly go well for Kai.  
> .  
> .

Kai woke up the next morning still tired, with a groggy head and a rumbling stomach. She really hadn’t got enough sleep, having spent at least of couple of hours thinking about Cullen, before finally nodding off. And Kai did not cope well without enough sleep. 

Food would help, she’d feel a little better with something to eat. The breakfast ration wasn’t a lot, but enough to keep body and soul together. And right now she wasn’t sure whether her body and soul were.

The food shortage they previously experienced, improved once they’d implemented a ration system to ensure everyone got something to eat. That was Mother Giselle’s idea, and like many of her ideas, incredibly practical. Even though they had more supplies now, there were also more people arriving.

Kai found some clean clothes and got dressed. She planned to see Sera after breakfast. As proved in Redcliffe, her lockpicking skills were abysmal; she required more instruction to bring them up to scratch. Kai reckoned Sera would be the best one to approach; she likely had more experience being a Red Jenny. 

Halfway to the door, she remembered the coin. It was valuable to Cullen, so she made a promised to herself to take good care of it. She picked up her pants from the day before and checked the pocket. Not in that one, maybe the other one. It wasn’t there either. She grunted. She’d probably dropped it when she got undressed. Kai started to search the floor of the cabin. 

By the time she went through all the possible places it could have ended up, she realised it wasn’t here. She must have either dropped it outside or...shit, when Cullen’s cot collapsed. Maker, it would just be typical if the coin ended up in his tent, and he discovered it. But if he already had, he would have come to see her. So either it wasn’t there, or it was and he hadn’t found it. She had to investigate there first, just in case. This whole business was muddled enough already without him knowing of the coin. Not dissimilar to the state of her this morning, she thought wearily.

Kai headed to Cullen’s tent.

As she got to the training ground, she could see the troops already practising, and there was Cullen in his customary spot. All she needed to do was make it to his tent without him noticing her. As she sneaked around behind him, it dawned on her that if the troops were here, she might have missed breakfast. Wonderful, could this day get any better. Luckily his tent was set aside from the training ground and so not in full view of it. Finally she managed to slip into his tent and headed for the cot, now back up. Kai crawled underneath and started searching.

It would have been simpler if she could have shifted it, the light coming in wasn’t that good and the cot itself shaded the ground underneath even more. Kai would need to rely on mostly feeling her way through. And her stomach was rumbling louder now. Maker, this day had fallen apart before it even started. A dried crust of bread and two dirty socks later, she finally touched something metallic, coin shaped. 

As she grasped it, she heard a voice. 

“Herald...what are you doing in my tent...under...my cot?” Cullen asked in a mystified tone.

Startled, it made her jump, and she knocked her head on a cross bar on the underside of the cot. Maker, she was so busy searching, she hadn’t bothered to listen out for him.

“Oww, for fuck’s sake,” she cursed. 

“Are you alright?” he crouched down, now staring at her, still under the cot.

He’d discovered her, so now she had to come up with an explanation. She backed out, while rubbing her head to alleviate the pain. Kai put on her best face and sweetest smile she could muster in the circumstances.

“Yes, I’ll be fine, thank you. I apologise for just wandering in, I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t want to interrupt your training. I...think I might have dropped something after our fall last night.” 

She needed to see if what she had was the coin, and that meant he might see it. It was a risk, so she had to be ready to bluff her way out if she could. She opened her fist, holding her fingers slightly raised to obscure his view. From what she could see it looked like the one.

“What is it?” Cullen inquired, looking at her.

“A good luck charm. You know how it is when you have one, it’s awful to think you’ve misplaced it,” she smiled.

Then came the words she dreaded. “Can I see it?”

Kai lowered her fingers, allowing him a quick peek, before closing them. “I know it’s silly to have such things, but I’m rather attached to it.”

Cullen stared at her quizzically. “Is that a Ferelden coin?”

“Yes it is. It was a Ferelden that gave it to me,” she grinned boldly. 

Now came the bluff and the misdirection. She needed him to think Aedan gave it to her, but she couldn’t outright lie and claim he had. Knowing her luck that would bite her back if she did.

“I’ll leave you to guess who gave it to me,” she added as she pocketed the coin. “Oh and I found your socks too. What is it about men leaving their socks under the bed?” she quipped, holding them up.

As he took his socks from her, Kai could see he was a little embarrassed, but thankfully it also distracted him from the coin. She breathed a tiny sigh of relief.

Cullen cleared his throat. “Well...next time just ask. I would have been happy to search for you.”

“I promise and thank you. I feel much happier now,” she beamed, and stood up to leave. Her stomach rumbled again, noisily, and she patted it. “I think I’d better go and eat,” she sighed.

“You realise you’ve missed breakfast,” he advised her.

“Oh...well...I suppose I’ll just have to wait until lunch now,” she replied wistfully.

“Wait, I have some sweets left. Josephine gets them for me. I don’t know if you’ll like them, they are rather plain. Just butter and sugar,” he offered, hesitantly. 

She guessed he probably thought she would find them too ordinary. But Kai knew exactly the ones he meant, Aedan got her hooked on them. They became difficult to obtain them once she started travelling, and it had been ages since she had any. 

Kai looked at Cullen with a huge childlike grin on her face. “Cullen, I think I know which ones you mean, and I absolutely adore them. Are you sure though?”

“I’m sure,” he laughed, looking pleased.

As he picked up the box on the table, she could hardly stop her hands from snatching at it. Even though Kai was tired, hungry, with a bump on her head, she became like a child waiting for a Satinalia present, giggling with excitement. As Cullen opened the box, and she dipped in picking up a few sweets, she could see the grin on his face watching her enthusiasm. She just had to devour them there and then.

“Oh Maker, they are so wonderful.” She hummed with pleasure, eating each one.

She saw Cullen’s eyebrows rise and his hand move to the back of his neck, and only then realised what she must sound like. 

“Oops, sorry, I got a little carried away,” she apologised, snickering. “But it’s been so long,” she drawled.

His eyes now opened wide, and the smirk emerged. Oh crap, that was even worse. 

“Ah, since I had one of these sweets, I mean...” she floundered, now blushing. 

“Why Herald, I don’t think I’ve ever known you blush before,” he mocked.

Kai groaned. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? It’s payback for you.”

Cullen folded his arms, still smirking. “Perish the thought, would I do that to you?”

Kai narrowed her eyes. “Yes, you would Commander,” she scolded, before sighing, “And I can’t blame you. I dished it out enough.” 

Cullen laughed. “That you did. But I have to say blushing becomes you. We should see it more often.”

“Oh...just...sh” she began, and then rolled her eyes, groaning again. She couldn’t tell him to shut up after he’d put up with her for so long.

“Yes? Just...what?” He was now grinning, relishing this opportunity to taunt her, seeing her scowl.

Kai gathered herself. “Just...thank you for the sweets, Cullen. I should go,” she relented, smiling.

“You’re welcome, Herald. Anytime you want another sweet, just let me know,” he chuckled.

And that was when she flipped over into devilment, sensing an opening. She planted her hands on her hips and gazed at him, “Why Commander, anyone would assume you enjoy hearing me moan,” she mock simpered, with a smirk.

The grin vanished from Cullen’s face, replaced by stunned surprise, and then a laugh. Kai winked and sauntered out of his tent. It must have been the sugar rush, she thought. But she knew teasing meant a possible comeback from Cullen. Later, she’d deal with that later.

Right now Kai had two objectives, see Harritt and find Sera. She needed a safer means of keeping the coin, and to work on her lockpicking skills.

\-----------------------------------------

“You want what?” said Sera, cocking her head.

“Tips, help, anything. I haven’t done lockpicking for years and I need to get better,” Kai pleaded, smiling.

“Practice, do it more. Get it wrong, then get it right,” she sighed.

“Could you show me how you do it? I’ll pick up your bar tab for say...two days?” she offered. Kai knew her technique needed improvement, and although Sera was correct about practice, she wanted to see her method.

Sera mulled this over, chewing her lip. “Call it three,” she bargained.

Kai smiled and offered her hand. They shook sealing the deal. “Done” she agreed.

They headed off to the basement under the Chantry where the cells were, where Kai was kept when she stumbled out of the Fade, before Leliana got her out. It wasn’t the happiest of memories. Kai was conscious Alexius was down here, so they stuck to the room at the top of the passageway.

Sera got out her gear and started working on the lock. Kai watched her attentively. Sera wasn’t listening so much as feeling for the resistance as she worked through the levers. And she was finished.

“Maker, you’re fast!” exclaimed Kai. “Can you do twice more, just so I can see?”

“Alright,” Sera replied. “You get two more and then you do it.”

By the third time, Kai worked out how Sera did it. She realised her own approach was what slowed her down. Sera locked the door and gestured for Kai to start. Kai kneeled and got a pick and tension wrench out. She closed her eyes and felt her way through the levers. At first it seemed odd, but after the initial lever, it became easier. When she finished the last lever, she recognised it was quicker. Kai opened her eyes and glanced up at Sera.

Sera tutted, but with a smile. “Slow, but like I said, just practice. You’re fine.”

Kai grinned. “Thank you. Your technique works much better. Just tell Flissa to see me for the tab. But Sera, don’t get totally rat-arsed. We might need you.”

Sera cackled. “Rat-arsed, I like that. You coming back to the tavern?”

“Yeah, why not? This is the only thing that’s gone smoothly today,” Kai sighed. “You go ahead, I need to see Harritt first. Get me a mug of Ferelden ale please, and yes, stick on the tab.”

“It’s mid morning! Even I don’t start until lunchtime,” Sera scolded.

“Normally neither would I. But it’s been that sort of day.” Kai replied, shrugging her shoulders. 

Sera rolled her eyes. “Ok, see you there,” and wandered off. 

As Kai packed up, she could hear a muted coughing coming from the cells. Alexius. She knew there were no windows there, and even with what he’d done, it couldn’t be pleasant not having daylight. She would talk to the Advisors and see if he could have some time outside, even just an hour stretching his legs.

Kai left for the forge, picked up her package, put on the necklace, and set off for the tavern.

\----------------------------------------

One mug of ale turned into two. As the ale warmed inside her stomach, her head became fuzzy and very, very tired. She laid her head on the bench just to rest her eyes, and fell asleep. It wasn’t until she became vaguely aware of movement and voices around her, that she realised she’d nodded off.

“Is she drunk?”

“Two mugs is what she’s had.”

“Nah, Boss can do more than that easily.”

“She said she’s not eaten.”

“We should take her to her cabin. She can’t stay here.”

“I’ll take her, you get the doors.”

“You two need me?”

“No, we’ll put her to bed.”

“Ha, rat-arsed.”

“Maker’s breath.”

She was being picked up, and then there was swaying and cold air hitting her face. But Kai was so tired, her eyes didn’t open. Soon she was asleep again.

\---------------------------------------------------------- 

When Kai eventually woke up it was dark outside. There was a candle burning in her cabin, and some food and a bottle on the desk. She became conscious of feeling hungry and thirsty as well as her head being a tad fuzzy. She sat down and devoured the bread and cheese there, and polished off the bottle of juice. She would have to thank whoever it was that left her this.

Evidently they had brought her back here, and she had dozed through most of the day. She recalled the voices now, Bull, Cullen and Sera. She’d fallen asleep in the tavern, no wonder really. Drinking ale on an empty stomach, on top of tiredness, probably wasn’t the wisest decision. But she knew that very occasionally she had these blips. Evidently she was more stressed out than she was aware of being. Maker, and she was still tired.

Kai yawned and flopped back onto the bed. Then she remembered, they were due to have a meeting today. Shit, she was in trouble now. She would have to make her apologies tomorrow. Kai groaned and buried her head into the pillow, just as the door opened.

She glanced up to see Cullen there. Well, here was one of the people she had to apologise to, she might as well make a start. Kai sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. He shut the door and stepped past the desk, glancing at it before coming over to her. He didn’t look annoyed as she expected he would be.

“Finally awake I see,” he declared, folding his arms.

“Yes. Do I have you to thank for the food?” she inquired, smiling weakly.

“You do, and Bull for carrying you back here. Sera found us to let us know you were...indisposed,” he replied.

“Thank you. I just remembered we had a meeting planned this morning, and I’m so sorry for missing it. I’ll make my apologies to the others too,” she said, waiting for his response.

“Oh the meeting was cancelled anyway. A sizable group of mages from Redcliffe turned up and we’ve been dealing with their demands most of the day. Well, I say we; after harassing Cassandra and I, they eventually went to the Ambassador who I now believe has made arrangements to house them,” he reported, eyebrows knitted now. “It might have been nice for the Herald to be there as she was the one who offered this alliance.”

Kai groaned loudly and cupped her face in her palms, staring at the floor. “Maker, I screwed up and there is absolutely no excuse for my behaviour. All I can do is apologise and promise to do better in...” Kai trailed off as she looked up to see Cullen smiling. “Why are you...?”

“We did have the mages turn up, but it was fine. Josephine stepped in promptly and there wasn’t much you could have done anyhow. I would recommend you speak with them tomorrow though. They do seem particularly grateful to you for some reason. I can’t quite imagine why. Probably because they didn’t find you face down, snoring in the tavern.” He was still smiling as he spoke and then sat down on the bed next to her  
.  
“I was snoring?” she groaned.

“You were snoring,” he acknowledged, laughing now. “It was a rough, rasping sort of noise.”

“Rasping?” Kai looked intently at Cullen’s face. “Are you making this up?”

“Not at all, ask Bull or Sera...or even Flissa,” he suggested.

“Maker, she heard me on the other side of the tavern?” She groaned again.

“No, she sat with you, until we got there.” 

“Oh, that’s not quite so bad then,” she said slightly relieved.

Cullen became serious now. “We appreciate all of this is far beyond what you are used to, and how hard you work to do what is demanded of you. You seldom complain, and only then for a good reason. Leliana told us more of what you saw in the future. I don’t expect anyone could be unaffected by that.” He paused. “Having an off day is understandable.”

Kai sighed. “Cullen, I do try and get on with things the best I can. I don’t know, call a Trevelyan thing, it’s what we do. But today, well, I don’t know, it just ran away from me.” She stared down, swinging her legs. 

It was quiet for a few moments, and then Cullen spoke. 

“Ever since you came back...you look at me differently.” It sounded more like an invitation than a statement.

Kai turned her head slightly, looking across at Cullen, and could see his hand on the back of his neck. The tension was sitting at the base of her throat again, and she swallowed reflexively. Where was he going with this? She didn’t respond, waiting to see what he would say.

“I thought...maybe we could...” Kai was nervous and looked away, hearing him pause now. “...be friends,” he finished. 

As she turned back, he was smiling hesitantly, evidently waiting for confirmation from her that they could be. A slight wave of disappointment washed over her. Not what I was hoping you’d say, she thought. Kai mustered up a smile.

“Of course we’re friends, Cullen. I like being with you,” she acknowledged, smiling back. 

He was still watching her. She searched for something to say, and recalled his remarks as he arrived.

“So, Cullen, the telling off when you came in?” she furrowed her brow, but a slight smile passed over her face.

“Well, I did warn you last night. And after your remark this morning...” he was smirking now. “Obviously I wasn’t going to take it out of your hide literally. Perhaps you rubbed off on me as well.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess I’ll need to be on my toes now, won’t I?”

“Maybe you will, as I will I, I suspect,” he replied, smiling. “Anyway, I should go. Get some rest. Training the mages and soldiers starts tomorrow, with Krem’s help. He has some useful thoughts. I should thank you for recommending that. If all goes smoothly, we may be able to think about closing the Breach in a few days time. And you should prepare yourself too. That means food and rest.” He emphasised the last words.

Kai saluted. “Yes, Commander. I promise Recruit Trevelyan will be ready,” she joked.

Cullen laughed, shaking his head, and stood up to leave. “Goodnight, Kai,” he said.

“Night, Cullen” she replied, watching him walk out.

Friends, she thought sighing, oh well. She had hoped he was going to ask for something more. At least she wasn’t just the Herald to him now. Kai settled down on the bed. This time tiredness swiftly overtook her and she fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Breach is sealed, but the war has only just begun. Cullen and Kai battle to save the people of Haven.  
> .  
> .

Kai sat on the wall smiling, legs dangling, swinging. It was done. The Breach was closed. And she was still buzzing from the magic that had flowed through her. It was a weird feeling, like being tipsy and over sensitised, but with a clear head. There were celebrations going on all around her, dancing, singing, laughing, drinking and kissing. 

It caused her wonder why danger and sex were so closely connected. Overstimulation needing an outlet maybe? Or perhaps the sheer relief of still being alive. And judging by some of the goings on, there definitely looked to be a few outlets happening tonight. This only served to remind her, it had been a while since she’d had an outlet herself. Kai sighed. Then someone sat down softly next to her. She smiled.

“You look happy, and so you should,” Leliana grinned.

“You could say that. I’m just pleased we closed the Breach without blowing the whole sky wide open. It was an awful lot of magic. Not to mention I have still have a buzzing thing going on inside from it,” Kai replied, watching Leliana’s eyebrow rise. “Now, where did your mind go?” she smirked.

“My mind wasn’t going anywhere. What was your mind thinking about?” Leliana tutted, watching Kai.

“Outlets. Watching people kissing, it reminded me of how long it’s been,” Kai sighed. 

“Why did I even ask?” Leliana groaned. “You make it sound like a drain.”

“Alright then, sex. Is that better?” Kai asked.

“Much better,” Leliana nodded. “So, who do you have in mind, as if I couldn’t guess?” she sniggered.

It was Kai’s turn to groan, loudly. “You shouldn’t mock me like that, especially now when there’s virtually no chance of that happening. He wanted us to be friends, remember? I can live with that...mostly...sort of...well...I’ve no choice, have I?” The back of her boot connected with the wall. Kai stilled her feet.

“He has got you quite flustered, hasn’t he?” Leliana asked, her voice gentler, but with a slight smile. “Kai, tell me truly. Do you love him?”

Kai rubbed her forehead. She wasn’t certain what it was she felt for Cullen. “With Aedan, I knew, I just knew I never wanted to be without him, I never doubted for a minute. It was overwhelming at times. Honestly, I don’t know what this is with Cullen. I truly like being around him, talking to him, and he does make my heart stumble sometimes when he stares at me. And I would fuc...” Kai got a sharp prod in her ribs.

“Oww, what was...” she began, only to be shushed.

“Cassandra’s coming” Leliana murmured.

She was indicating behind her, with her eyes. Kai looked to see Cassandra approaching them.

“How do you do that?” Kai muttered. 

“Cassandra has a slight hitch in her step. I always know when it’s her. She not exactly quiet either,” she whispered.

“Hey Cassandra,” Kai greeted her. “What’s the word?”

“Solas confirms the Breach is sealed,” she declared, smiling. “The heavens are scarred, but calm.”

Kai was smiling now as was Leliana. There had been a concern the Breach may re-open again. They were dealing with the complete unknown, and no-one was absolutely certain if the sealing would actually take, but undoubtedly it had.

“That is excellent news. But we still need to discover out how the Breach came to be, and about this Elder One,” Leliana responded.

They heard Charter arrive. “Sister Nightingale, if you have a moment?” she requested.

“Of course, what is it?”

“One of our lookouts is missing,” Charter reported.

“I need to handle this, we’ll talk more later.” Leliana nodded to Kai and Cassandra and then left with Charter.

Kai sensed how glad Cassandra was. She was the one who had publicly taken the risk in the first place; defying the Chantry in calling the Inquisition, a body with no real power or influence early on, and limited resources and troops. As Cassandra sat down next to her, she couldn’t help but remind Cassandra of own her words back then.

“Well, Seeker, they won’t be calling you a madwoman or traitor now. Your instincts were correct,” Kai said gently.

Cassandra smiled. “Perhaps.” She turned to Kai. “Since when did when did you start using my title?” she questioned.

“Informality does not always denote lack of respect, as formality does not always indicate it. But in this instance, you lived up to your title; you were a Seeker of Truth. So I show the full respect due to you,” Kai bowed her head. 

Cassandra viewed her sceptically for a moment before smiling proudly. “Thank you. I must admit I was expecting...”

“A joke maybe? Not this time,” Kai assured her. “I can’t promise for the future though, you know how I am,” she grinned.

“Yes, that’s more like you,” Cassandra snorted. “Ever the humorist.”

“We are what we are. And if I recall, you said providence brought me here,” Kai replied, eyebrow raised.

“Yes I did. Evidently providence has a sense of humour too,” she joked, smiling.

Kai’s laughter was cut short by the bell clanging out an alarm.

Cassandra and Kai quickly stood up. She could see Leliana, Cullen and Josephine down by the gates. The celebrations now turned into a mass of hurry and panic. Civilians were running away and soldiers running forward.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kai saw one of the soldiers emerge from behind a cabin lacing up his breeches, with a lay sister following behind adjusting her tunic. A wicked thought popped into her head before being interrupted by Cassandra.

“We must get to the gates,” she insisted, heading for the steps. 

Kai followed. As they arrived, so did most of her companions. 

“So, celebratory drinks are on hold I take it,” Bull quipped. Kai suppressed a smile.

“One watch guard reports a massive force, the bulk over the mountains,” Cullen informed them.

As Josephine spoke to Cullen, Kai could see the wooden gates rattling and heard a voice calling out “I can’t come in unless you open.”

She rushed forward with one of the guards, to open it up. Outside, in the process of falling down dead was a Templar, revealing a slightly built young man standing there, bloodied daggers in hand. Other Templars lay spread around, all of them dead. For some reason, Leliana’s tale about Sandal in Fort Drakon came to mind.

Kai heard someone run up behind her. It was Cullen, now sword in hand. For a moment, she wondered if he had come to defend her from whatever was out here. But he knew her better than that. After months with the Inquisition, she was perfectly capable of handling herself.

As the young man dashed up to her, Cullen stepped forward, not entirely blocking him, but doubtless to be on hand, in case Kai was in danger. That protective instinct was strong in him.

“I’m Cole. I came to warn you, people are coming to hurt you. The Templars, they come to kill you,” Cole urged. 

“Templars?” Cullen exclaimed. “Is this their response? Attacking blindly?”

“The Red Templars went to the Elder One. You took his mages, and he’s very angry you took his mages. There,” Cole indicated to the top of the ridge.

Two figures stood there, a man and something else, much too tall to be a person. Around them were Templars, whole rafts matching forward. She couldn’t even begin to speculate how many there were, more kept coming over the ridge. Kai heard Cullen.

“Samson?” he said incredulously, now frowning.

“You know him?” Kai asked.

“Yes, but now is not the time to explain. Haven is no fortress and we have civilians here. We have to control this battle,” he insisted, every inch the Commander now.

“Cullen, you always have a plan.” Kai said expectantly. Everyone knew how meticulous he was in his planning, thinking ahead to what could happen. But the size of the enemy they were facing, no-one could have imagined.

He spun round to look at her, face determined, jaw set. “We use the trebuchets to bring down landslides on top of them. It won’t catch them all, but it should take out enough to give us a fighting chance. But they will need protecting while they’re reset and centred for firing. I’ll split our soldiers and some of the mages into three groups, two for the trebuchets, one to defend back at the Chantry. The wooden walls won’t keep them out for long. I would suggest you do the same with your companions.”

Kai listened to every word. The awkwardness he had around diplomacy, her strength, did not exist here. This was his world, his strength, and she couldn’t help but think how amazing he was right then.

“Got it!” she confirmed. “What would I do without you?” she shouted running off, missing the smile that passed over his face, and oblivious to having said I instead of we.

Kai split her companions into three teams as Cullen outlined. She left Solas and Varric back at the Chantry; Vivienne, Sera, Blackwall and Cole were assigned to the near trebuchet, and Kai took Cassandra, Dorian and Bull with her. As they ran to the far trebuchet, they heard the first shot go off, bringing down a sizeable avalanche. They could hear the cheers from their forces.

Before they reached their objective, one of the Inquisition soldiers met them on the path.

“They’ve overrun the trebuchet, we have to clear them before we can set it,” he yelled, struggling to be heard above the clamour of the battle. 

As her team arrived, she could see overrun was an understatement; the place was crawling with Red Templars. They desperately needed to get the trebuchet firing. One of Cullen’s groups arrived, so Kai fought through with her team to the trebuchet, while they dealt with the bulk of the enemy. 

“Right, I’ll crew it, Cassandra you’re up here with me just in case they come up behind us. Bull and Dorian, stay down there and keep us alive,” Kai ordered.

Bull stared at Dorian. “I’ve never run interference with a Vint before,” he shouted.

Dorian turned shouting back. “As long as you don’t hit me with your weapon. I’ll try not to fry your arse.”

Kai yelled at them in her best Auntie voice, the one she used for her nieces and nephews. “Please play nice boys, or I might use both your butts as pin cushions!”

They glanced back at her, at each other, and then readied themselves. Cassandra was near enough for Kai to pick up her groan. 

Kai centred and readied the trebuchet, and before long got a shot off. This one bought down a bigger slide, some of it probably loosened after the last one. More cheers. They’d done it, Cullen’s plan had worked. It wasn’t over by any stretch, but they at least had more of a fighting chance now. Kai allowed herself a smile and looked up to see Cassandra with the same thought.

It was then they became aware of how far from over it was. The same howl, the same unearthly sound they’d heard in future Redcliffe, now punctured the air. Dorian swung round to look at her, he recognised it too. As the heavy beat of wings approached, they saw what looked like a dragon, but not sounding anything like the dragon they had heard back in the Hinterlands. 

It took out the near trebuchet first. The screams were terrible, the defenders evidently unable to get away in time. 

Cassandra reacted first. “Back to the Chantry!” she called out. 

The mages and soldiers ran, followed by her team, barely missing being caught in the blast that destroyed the far trebuchet. As they headed to the gates, the dragon had circled around and was now burning its way over the inner compound. Reaching the near trebuchet, she saw the burning bodies. This was where she’d left Vivienne, Sera, Blackwall and Cole. Cullen and some of the soldiers were defending the gates as the group ahead raced back in.

As they reached him she shouted “Did anyone survive?” indicating the wreckage.

“Some, not many, but your team made it. They’ve linked up with Solas and Varric.” Kai breathed a sigh of relief as Cullen continued. “We need to get everyone back to the Chantry. It’s the only building that will hold out against that beast. I have soldiers sweeping the buildings for survivors, but we’re being overrun now. Help them hold back the Templars until we get everyone to safety.” 

As the gates shut, Cullen headed back up the steps towards the Chantry. She knew where he’d be, the last line of defence at the Chantry doors, protecting everyone seeking to get in. Kai found the rest of her people, splitting them into two teams, to help their forces. They worked their way back to the Chantry doors, holding off the Templars as best they could, giving the soldiers precious time to rescue as many as were still alive. She’d taken Sera with her team, giving the others another front-line fighter with Cole aiding Blackwall.

Her team made it back first, and as she waited with Cullen, she heard the resignation in his voice when he spoke.

“Our position is not good, that dragon stole back any time we might have earned.”

Before she could respond, the other team returned, with Cole and Blackwall supporting Chancellor Roderick between them. 

“He tried to stop a Templar. The blade went deep,” said Cole plainly.

The soldiers with them confirmed there was no-one else left, and they all retreated into the Chantry, bolting the doors behind them. Kai could hear muted crying, moaning from those injured, and the murmuring of scared voices. Everyone left alive was packed into the one small building. Wounded lay in the alcoves, but she guessed most of the civilians were in the basement or in the side rooms, keeping the wide corridor clear for the troops to move around. 

She heard Bull growl. “Argh, this is messed up, I need to find Krem.”

“In the back, last I saw,” Cullen replied.

Bull ran off to find him. 

Cullen came to Kai. His expression was serious, worried, and she felt whatever he was going to say wasn’t good. But the position they were in, cornered in the Chantry, was desperate. It was now more a question of when they would die, rather than if they would. 

“There are no tactics to make this survivable. That dragon...” Cullen began.

Cole interrupted. “I’ve seen an archdemon in the Fade. It looked like that.”

Cullen exhaled noisily. “Whatever it is...it’s cut a path for that army. They’ll kill everyone here.”

“The Elder One only wants the Herald,” Cole explained, staring straight at Kai. “He’ll crush, kill everyone to get to her, they don’t matter to him.”

“Why? Why does he want me?” Kai demanded. This Elder One, Red Templars, Venatori all after her. Form a bloody queue why don’t you, she thought.

“I don’t know, he’s too loud. It hurts to hear him,” he answered, glancing down.

Cullen’s tone was softer when he spoke again. “We’re dying, but we can choose how we die. Many don’t get that chance. We can turn the remaining trebuchet, cause one last slide, enough to stop the army.”

Kai’s eyes opened wide. “Cullen, you mean...” she couldn’t finish the sentence. He was asking her to sacrifice them all to break the Red Templar army.

“Better that, than the carnage that will take place. We have no means of escape,” he responded, bluntly. 

What she saw in Cullen’s face made her realise he was right. Cullen would protect to the end, even if that meant death. Better to die quickly than be slaughtered. Kai vaguely heard Cole talking, but it was Chancellor Roderick’s words that captured their attention.

“There is a way, a path out, the people can escape. It was whim that I walked it, it was overgrown. Andraste must have shown me. With so many in the Conclave dead, and to be the only one that remembers...” he paused. “If this simple memory can save us, this could be more than mere accident, you could be more...” he added, glancing at her.

Kai turned back to Cullen. “I can bury an army, stop them from following. But the dragon? That thing is flying!”

“It won’t stray from the Elder One. He’s here for you,” answered Cole softly.

Cullen looked at her, and she knew what he wanted to say. She may not come back this time.

“I know,” she stated softly to him, then took a deep breath. “Bait it is...again. I think I recognise this tune,” she joked, unsmiling.

“You can’t do this alone. I’ll come with you,” Cassandra insisted.

“As will I,” Dorian added, decisively.

They’d undoubtedly been listening. Two of the people who had been with her, back in future Redcliffe. It seemed apt. That was the first time they’d heard of the Elder One. From the tone of their voices, saying no wasn’t an option.

Kai smiled and glanced around. “I’d like that. Thank you.” 

“I’d like to help too,” Cole declared, standing up.

“You understand what...” was all she got out.

“Yes. I want to help you. Because you want to help them,” he acknowledged.

“Alright then. Thank you,” she smiled at him.

As one of the soldiers came to help him, Chancellor Roderick turned to her before he went. “If the Inquisition is meant for this, if you are meant for this, I pray for you.”

Kai nodded back respectfully. It would be churlish to express what she was actually thinking. Not about him, but about his beloved Maker. If he truly did exist why was he putting innocent people through this nightmare? Kai’s own faith had long since walked out, but what she’d seen with the Inquisition had firmly slammed the door on it.

As soldiers ran past her, and her team left, Cullen came closer.

“They’ll load the trebuchets. Keep the Elder One’s attention until we’re above the tree line,” he instructed.

“Understood,” she replied. “I have one request, ask Sera to shoot the signal.” Cullen looked puzzled. “Her arrows go further than anyone’s. And I will need to see it,” she continued.

“Alright,” he nodded. 

Kai stared at Cullen. There was little time, they had to go, but she wanted to say something, simply because she probably wouldn’t survive. But right then all her bantering, all her words, failed her. The one thing she wanted to tell him she couldn’t. If she died, and he realised, it could only be a burden. If she lived, it would just be an embarrassment for him. 

Sweet Maker, why it took this moment, this trial, for her to completely realise, well, it was obvious she was an idiot. 

Luckily Cullen stepped in. He placed his hands on her shoulders, as he’d done before. Kai smiled, remembering that night in his tent. 

“Good luck,” he wished her softly.

“I don’t need luck...I have arrows,” she responded gently.

As he let go, and she turned around, to head out the door, she silently mouthed. “I love you, Cullen.” 

Kai ran to join the others.

 

As Cullen watched her disappear, he wanted more than anything for her to live, so he could see her again. He didn’t care anymore that she just wished to be friends. That night in her cabin, he wanted to ask for a chance to find out, if there could be something more between them. Sensing how uncomfortable she was, he backtracked, offering her something she could settle for. 

It didn’t matter if she never knew how he felt about her as long as she came back safe. He’d take all the teasing she could give, just to see her laugh. She never made him feel foolish, even if he stumbled over his words, and that became less over time with her. And watching her tonight, he learned how brave she could be.

Why it took the prospect of losing her, to force him to realise how much she meant to him, he couldn’t explain.

“I love you, Kai,” he declared under his breath. Cullen turned and headed off to organise their escape.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Haven. Kai is alive, but injured, and everyone rallies around. Cullen is relieved she is alive, but his curiosity almost lands him in trouble.  
> .  
> .

Cullen was working, or the best attempt that he could manage at working. And he was plagued by another headache. They had escaped Haven thanks to Kai and her team, but since the avalanche there had been no sign of her. Cassandra, Dorian and their latest addition, Cole, had all made it to the camp. But not her.

Cullen had been too sharp with Cassandra when they arrived. Kai wasn’t with them, and he asked where she was. When told they were split up as the dragon attacked, his first response was to accuse them of leaving her behind. He reacted before stopping to consider what he sounded like. Cassandra was similar to him in that respect, so the exchange had become heated before they both calmed down. 

Kai had sent them away, shouted at them to leave. Even Cassandra had never seen her as forceful as she was in that moment. As they retreated, the last thing they saw was Kai caught between the Elder One and his dragon. She had managed to set off the avalanche, but they weren’t sure if she survived. Except for Cole who insisted she was alive. When Cassandra asked how he was so sure, he simply replied “Because she is.”

Cullen felt there was something odd about Cole; he had helped it was true, but he was too strange for his liking. And now he’d disappeared.

The chance that she could be alive though, the words gave him hope. 

Maker, he didn’t even know what it was about her. She wasn’t the sort of woman he was normally drawn to. She possessed that assured manner nobles had, and joked incessantly. At first, he had thought her glib and frivolous. But there never any of the malice or haughtiness he’d come across with other titled people. And initially her teasing had irritated him. It was only later he realised how she drew him out of himself. 

Kai somehow crept up on him, without him being aware. And that night in his tent, when they talked, and she looked at him, it was then he wondered if there could be more between them. But evidently it was just him thinking that. She obviously just thought him kind. Well, at least he hadn’t completely embarrassed himself, and her, by asking for a chance to see. If she was alive and came back, maybe...no, that was silly...

“Commander!” the watch guard called. “Two people sighted at the top of the ridge.”

Cullen ran back to the slope with the watch guard. He could see Kai being helped down the slope by Cole. How had he found her? He raced up to them, a smile breaking out on his face. She was alive. As Cullen reached them, he could see the left side of her face cut, a bump on her forehead and her eye swollen, almost shut. She was conscious, but not steady.

“Herald, what happened?” he exclaimed, the smile vanishing.

“I had an argument with a rock, the rock won. And I feel like crap, thank you for asking,” she joked. She tried to smile, and then he heard an “oww”. She tried to roll her eyes, but only one moved. 

It did look funny and Cullen grinned. Only she would try and make fun out of being hurt. 

“Is he smiling?” Kai asked Cole.

“Yes, he likes it when you’re funny,” Cole whispered, but Cullen heard him. 

How did he know that? Cullen could see her trying to smile again, with another oww. Her face did look as if it had taken a battering. Luckily the cut wasn’t too deep, but would scar. Not to mention the black eye she would be sporting when the bruise came out. It was more the bump that worried him.

Cole looked at Cullen, “Blurred vision, she can’t see you well.”

“It’s likely you have concussion,” he said, hearing Kai echo the last word.

“Yes, I remember it from before,” she sighed. “It’ll pass.”

“We should have Solas take a look at you, make sure there’s nothing else wrong,” Cullen insisted. 

Kai reached out her hand, and Cole brought her to Cullen. Nothing was said, but it was as if she’d asked him to do that. As Cole let go, Cullen put his arm around her shoulders to keep her steady, and she turned into him, laying her hand on his breastplate. Cole left them, walking back down the slope to the camp.

“I’m so glad you made it,” she breathed. “Who else would pick me up if I fell on my arse?” The words sounded like a joke, but the tone was one of relief.

“I’m pleased you did too,” he replied gently. Over the moon might be more appropriate, he thought. 

“Although it seems Cole may have got you off your arse this time?” he queried, only slightly joking.

“No, I was face down in the snow when he found me, couldn’t see properly and tripped over a fire pit of all things. I wonder who put that there.” There was a light taunt in her voice.

“Not me personally, but it was on my order, so I suppose you could say I was responsible,” he smiled. “It was meant to guide if you...”

“Survived?” she asked. She looked at him, squinting, probably trying to focus on his face. “It’ll pass,” she sighed, almost talking to herself.

“Yes,” he replied. Right then, as she tried to see him, and he stared back at her, he had an overwhelming urge to comfort her, to kiss her, to...he felt himself leaning forward. 

Kai spoke, bringing him to his senses. Maker’s breath, what was he thinking?

“Cullen, the cut, will it scar?” she asked. “Tell me honestly.”

“It looks like it might do I’m afraid,” he replied hesitantly. He hoped she wouldn’t be too upset, but it was the truth.

Cullen saw her try to smile again, with yet another oww. 

“Stop trying to smile, it’ll only keep hurting,” he scolded. 

That only made her try and laugh now, the oww becoming a whine of pain. “Well, don’t tell me off, it only makes me laugh,” she complained, her voice quieter. 

Cullen felt her slipping, and took a firmer hold. “We should get you to Solas,” he said, concerned as she started to blink slowly, and her head dipped a little.

“I just feel a little dizzy, it comes and goes,” she replied weakly. “It’ll...” and she fainted.

Cullen manoeuvred her so he could pick her up. “It looks like this time it didn’t pass,” he muttered.

As he carried her back to the camp, Leliana was coming to meet them.

Cullen pre-empted her question. “She was conscious, and then passed out. We need to get Solas. I strongly suspect she’s concussed, but I don’t like it that she fainted now. She may have a head injury. Her head hit a rock”

“I’ll get him, take her to my tent, there’s a cot set up there for her.” Leliana instructed, turning to leave.

Cullen frowned. “Wait, how did you know she might need it?”

“Cole said she wasn’t feeling good,” she replied, then raced down the slope.

Now Cullen was suspicious, how did Cole know about that, not to mention what he was thinking? And how did he know where to find Kai? Cole seemed to be focused on her, and although everything he had done was to help, it made Cullen uneasy.

When he reached Leliana’s tent, Solas was already there with her. Cullen laid Kai down on the cot. The last time he’d seen her like this was when they bought her back from the Temple. He hoped it wasn’t as bad this time.

As Solas crouched beside her, he touched her clothes. “Her clothes are wet, I would suggest we change them before we have to treat hypothermia as well. Do you have some dry clothes, Leliana?” 

“Yes,” she confirmed, heading for a chest.

Solas turned around. “Cullen, if you could lower the flap as you leave.”

“Of course,” he replied. 

“Oh, and can you fetch Josie as well,” Leliana called.

Cullen nodded and left, lowering the flaps and went to find Josephine. He hoped it was just concussion, that could be severe enough, but a head injury would be more serious. And he’d only just got her back.

\--------------------------------------------------

Solas had gathered the four of them to advise them of Kai’s condition. From what Cullen could tell, he didn’t seem duly concerned, but Solas did not often show extreme reactions.

“Well, the good news is, that it is just concussion. I can find no other injuries than the ones visible on her face. One of the healers has been dealing with the cut on her cheek, and that should start to knit together fairly swiftly. I’ve asked Vivienne to use her ice magic to help with the bump on her forehead, to reduce the chance of further swelling. And the eye, well I think the bruising will be gone of its own accord in a week,” he reported. 

“However, I would still suggest keeping an eye on the Herald for at least the next day, just in case other symptoms do present. Perhaps a rota shared amongst us all?” There were murmurs of agreement. “Excellent. If you’ll excuse me, I should get back to my patient.”

With that Solas left.

“I’ll set up something now and let her companions know. I’m sure everyone will be more than happy to help in her recovery. It is good news,” beamed Josephine.

“Something we sorely needed,” Cassandra remarked dryly. She was still a little annoyed.

The relations between the four of them had become fractured, with the uncertainty over the future of the Inquisition. Currently they had no base, no plan, and no way forward. Cullen was tired of all the arguing, so the distraction with Kai’s state of health was welcome. 

It did mean remaining camped there for another day, but both he and Leliana had lookouts posted. And so far there was no sign of the enemy following them. Another thing to be grateful for. They were in no shape to handle another battle, currently counting their losses, and having many injured. The healers and mages were working hard to help them. In fact not travelling might actually help some of the injured survive.

Cullen swore if they did find another base, this time he would ensure they were protected and better prepared. The Inquisition could not have a repeat of the disaster at Haven.

Before they could disperse, Mother Giselle arrived.

“Ah, I’m pleased to find you all together. Perhaps we can all go somewhere more private, and talk. I would like to offer a suggestion, something that may alleviate at least one of our difficulties,” she proposed with her usual calmness.

“Of course,” Leliana nodded. “Perhaps just outside the camp would be best.”

As they followed, Cullen thought, as long as the bickering doesn’t start again, I’ll be happy.

\--------------------------------------------

Cullen was in a hurry, he was slightly late for his turn on the rota. Who was he supposed to be relieving? Ahh, yes, it was Dorian. He rushed in, but before he could apologise, Dorian shushed him.

“I could hear you clodhopping from several paces away. We don’t want to wake her now, do we?” he whispered.

“No, but I wasn’t clodhopping, thank you. I was just a little louder than normal,” Cullen whispered back, glancing over at Kai. “And I haven’t woken her.”

“My, someone’s a little grumpy,” he shot back. Cullen shook his head.

Dorian was packing away a chess board. “You play chess?” Cullen asked.

“I’d like to, but as yet I’ve not found anyone to play against. So I’m resigned to having to play with myself.” Dorian waited for a moment, then looked at Cullen and sighed. “Well, that pun was wasted on you.”

Cullen groaned. “I play a little, so if you want an opponent to play against, let me know,” he offered.

“Any other games, Commander?” Dorian teased.

“Just chess, Dorian,” he replied smiling.

As Cullen walked over and checked on Kai, Dorian released a parting shot before leaving.

“Perhaps our dear Herald is more your cup of tea?” he sniggered.

Cullen turned and scowled, as Dorian left smiling and waving. 

The man was arrogant and vain, but he risked everything to help them, because he believed in what they were doing. He’d also seen how Dorian bristled when Cullen accused her team of leaving Kai behind. And he wasn’t wrong with his last comment, although Cullen wouldn’t admit to that.

Kai certainly had an ability to inspire commitment, even loyalty from people. He‘d seen her charm, cajole or sometimes outright scold them. But nearly always with humour. And that included himself.

Cullen sat down at the table Dorian had vacated, and began to write letters to the families of the soldiers they’d lost. He hoped there was enough left in the coffers to provide some form of compensation as well, but he’d need to discuss that with Josephine. He knew she would be doing the same for the families of the workers who had died, as would Leliana with her people.

++

Cullen finally finished, and he guessed there was a little time left before Cassandra arrived. When he checked again on Kai, he noticed she’d shuffled about, and the blankets had moved down to her waist. Worried she would get cold, he moved over to cover her. As he glanced down, he realised she was wearing nothing underneath the shirt she was dressed in.

For a moment or two, he couldn’t drag his eyes from the outline of her breasts rising and falling as she breathed. He eventually closed his eyes, reprimanding himself. Cullen Rutherford, you were bought up better than this, and certainly not to ogle at an unconscious woman. But Maker forgive him, she was beautiful and so were her breasts.

He opened his eyes and pulled up the blankets, but as he did, he noticed the necklace she wore. His hands still clutching the blankets, he bent down to take a closer look. That looked like the coin she was hunting for in his tent, the one he only got a glimpse of. And it looked eerily similar to the one he carried, that Branson gave him all those years ago. But she did say it was a Ferelden one. 

He knew his coin had a slight nick on the back across the edge. He’d done that, so he would know that was his lucky coin. For some unfathomable reason, he had to see the other side of the coin Kai wore. It might wake her, but it was now a compulsion to look. As he let go of the blanket with his right hand and reached down...

“Cullen!” Cassandra hissed sharply. “What are you doing?”

He reflexively yanked on the blankets before dropping them in shock. Now they covered her face as well. Maker, he had to pull them off her face before she suffocated. He folded them back slightly and turned around.

“Sweet Maker, I was only trying to put her blankets back, she’d wriggled them down,” he insisted, praying his face wasn’t blushing too badly. “You startled me.”

He caught sight of Leliana standing alongside Cassandra, her head cocked and eyebrow raised. Oh, could this get any worse, he thought cynically. He knew Kai and Leliana were as thick as thieves.

“Evidently,” Cassandra scoffed. “How could you not have heard us?”

“I was thinking,” he replied. Well, it was true.

He could have sworn there was a snort from Leliana, but he didn’t dare glance at her.

“I truly dread to ask, but about what?” Cassandra demanded, folding her arms.

“I noticed the coin she’s wearing around her neck and thought it looked Ferelden, I was just...curious.” Cullen wasn’t one to lie, but this was skirting the edge here. He already knew it was Ferelden. “Take a look,” he offered.

“Oh...I see. Well, in that case...I apologise. I assumed...wrongly.” Her face softened.

Leliana stepped in. “I think we can take over from here, Cullen. I’m sure you have other matters to attend to.”

Leliana moved over to the cot, and covered Kai’s feet, which were now bare, before adjusting the top of the blanket. Cullen decided it was time to beat a hasty retreat. He picked up the letters and parchments, and left, trying to look as if he wasn't hurrying. Only after he was gone, did he realise Leliana hadn't teased him. In fact, she seemed to be focused on getting him to leave. 

Cullen shook his head. He had to get a grip. He was letting too many small things worry him. There were far larger concerns than coins and teasing, and strode back to his tent.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Kai slowly came to. She tried to open her eyes, but only one opened. But what she could tell from her open eye, her sight had improved a little. It wasn’t as blurry anymore. The headache had eased too. She carefully pushed herself up into a sitting position.

“Someone’s awake,” a voice said next to her. “How are you feeling?” Leliana asked.

“Better I think or getting there.” Kai tried to smile, and this time it didn’t hurt so.

“So, you manage to survive the Elder One and his dragon, only to be felled by a rock. Sounds like you,” Leliana laughed as Kai turned to face her. “It’s always the small things that catch you out.”

“Go on, laugh it up. It was a very angry rock. I must have disturbed its nap. I’d have been pissed off at anyone who disturbed my nap,” she joked.

“Always with an answer,” she sighed. “You may joke, but what you did was very brave, Kai. Remember what you said to me after Redcliffe? This time you faced it on your own, and you didn’t falter.” 

From what Kai could see Leliana’s face was earnest, but soft too.

“Leliana, I know I joke and put on a brave face. But I was so scared, and just wanted to...” Kai felt the tears at the back of her eyes. She rarely cried, but she’d never faced fear like that, and was ashamed of her reaction. 

“...to run away?” Leliana pulled her chair closer and gently hugged Kai. “Everybody does. The test is whether you run, or stand and fight. You chose to stand and fight.” She paused. “When we faced the Archdemon, all of us were afraid, including Aedan. But we fought nonetheless, knowing what was at stake.” 

She kissed Kai’s head. “Aedan would have been so proud of you.” 

The tears came, hard. She was now sobbing, all the emotions inside her wanting to release. Kai felt her friend begin to rock her gently, whispering “let it go, let it all go.” Out it came, cascading like a torrent.

Leliana began to sing to her, the same song she sang to her all those years ago, when Kai was at her lowest and desperate. The one she loved, the one her mother had sung to her as a child. Kai understood the power of words; her previous role relied on her ability to use them. But these words were always special, they healed and soothed and gave her hope. 

♫ Shadows fall and hope has fled  
Steel your heart, the dawn will come... ♫

Kai let the words flow through her. 

When the song was over, Kai’s tears had subsided. She smiled at Leliana. “Thank you. You still have a beautiful voice,” she complimented.

“Better?” Leliana queried.

“Better,” Kai affirmed. She let out a deep exhale. “But my eye stings now,” she complained.

Leliana rolled her eyes. “Well, you shouldn’t go around having confrontations with rocks then,” she quipped.

As Kai tried to laugh, the pain in her face came back. It became a sequence of a half laugh, followed by an oww. The more she tried not to laugh, the more funny it got, making her laugh. By this time Leliana was almost in hysterics watching Kai. Eventually they both calmed down, wiping their eyes.

“You know we need a briefing from you...about what happened. Are you ready to tell us?” Leliana asked.

“Yes, you all need to know what Corypheus said, it’s important.” Kai saw the quizzical look on her friend’s face. “That’s what he calls himself.” She paused. “Fetch them and let’s do this now.”

Leliana left to gather the other three and Kai waited for them to return. At least now they had an answer for the Breach, but she still had gaps in her memory on how she ended up with the Anchor. Evidently she interrupted this ritual, but what happened after that? Try as she might to remember, there was nothing.

Leliana returned with Cassandra, Josephine and Cullen all filing in behind her. The smile she had morphed into a grin when she saw Cullen. It hurt a little, but was worth the pain. She briefly saw the smirk on his face, before Josephine grabbed her hand. Maker, she could just eat that smirk, along with the rest of his mouth.

“We are so pleased to see you looking...” Josephine hesitated, staring at Kai’s face, still puffed up and cut. “....seeming much better,” she finished diplomatically. She guessed Josephine’s enthusiasm came out before her mind found the ‘right’ words.

“Thank you,” Kai acknowledged graciously, seeing Josephine beam now. She turned to look at the four of them, standing watching her. “Well, I’ll tell you what I found out. It answers some of our questions, but not all.” 

Kai began detailing the encounter with Corypheus. As she finished, she waited for their questions. But before they got a chance, Solas came in.

“Ahh, I see you’re awake, excellent. I came to check on how you were.” He looked at her and then around at the others.

“Well, perhaps now is as a good time as any. I may have an idea on where we can go, a place where the Inquisition could resettle,” he offered.

It was Cassandra who voiced their thoughts.

“Solas, your advice has always aided us. Please, tell us more,” she replied, a nod inviting him to continue.

What Kai didn’t appreciate were the looks that flashed between the four of them. It would only be later that she understood the significance of those glances.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai is made Inquisitor against her better judgement. Cullen and Kai both come to the same realisation.  
> .  
> .

“Currently, there is a cessation of hostilities while a plan for peace talks is being negotiated. I understand the proposal is to hold the talks under the auspices of a grand masquerade. However, it seems that they have not yet been able to settle on a date, which bodes poorly. Leliana believes a group of elves is engaged in drawing out the civil war for their own agenda. 

We must deal with this threat to the Empress, Orlais holds Tevinter at bay. If we lose Orlais to Corypheus, we could lose the whole of Thedas,” Josephine reported, in her most impassioned tone.

Kai sighed. She’d only ever visited Orlais once, just a tourist really, wandering around Val Royeaux. Her role had never taken her there. And she wasn’t certain whether her type of diplomatic experience was any use for the ‘Game’.

“I will arrange for an invitation, Inquisitor, and advise when a date has been confirmed,” she continued.

“Thank you Josephine,” Kai acknowledged, and left to go and see Cullen.

Inquisitor. Kai still couldn’t get used to the title, never mind the notion that she was now the leader of the Inquisition. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Standing on the half turn of the stairs with Cassandra and Leliana, crowds below waiting, it was fortunate she had her back to the latter, because her mouth hung open like an idiot.

They’d sprung it on her, placing her in a position where of course she had to accept. But she knew precisely who had designed it that way, the same person who retreated before Kai could get away from the congratulations. When she did, she lugged the great two-hander all the way up the stairs to the Rookery. Charter was in the middle of a conversation with Leliana when Kai arrived.

She settled the sword firmly on Leliana’s table before turning to Charter.

“I apologise for the interruption, Charter, but the _Inquisitor_ would appreciate an urgent word with her _Spymaster_ ,” she toned deliberately, now swinging her gaze onto Leliana.

Judging by the way Leliana’s expression remained constant, she was expecting this. “Would you excuse us?” she said to Charter.

Charter was glancing back and forth between them. But her response was brief. “Of course.” 

They both went onto the small balcony outside the Rookery, closing the door behind them.

Kai folded her arms and stared sternly at Leliana. “Explain,” she ordered.

“We needed an Inquisitor,” Leliana simply replied. “And by the way, that tone is surprisingly good, you’re getting the hang of it already.”

Kai groaned. “Save the flattery, it doesn’t wash with me.” She sighed. “I know we needed an Inquisitor, but why me? You know this as far from what I am, what I can do, as is possible.”

Leliana fixed her with that gaze, the one she employed when she expected no argument. “I disagree, we all disagree. Cassandra explained it rather well I believe. Your actions meant we survived; we lived to carry on the war against Corypheus. Plus you are apolitical, not tied to the Chantry. You can open doors we can’t, and your diplomatic skills can help win us allies. And don’t overlook the fact that the Trevelyan name carries a lot of trust.”

Kai unfolded her arms and leant her hands on the wall, looking out over Skyhold.

“But it’s not just diplomacy is it? That I can do, I understand that. But I’m not a military person, and it is a war we’re fighting. I can’t be that type of leader.” 

Leliana’s voice was softer as she stood next to Kai. “We recognise that, and we’re not suggesting you do that. That’s Cullen’s role, he’s your Commander and he will advise you on what needs to be done. Listen to him, take his advice, that’s all you need to do where military matters are concerned. I will provide the intelligence you need and Josie will handle the wider diplomatic side. We’re all here to support you, you’re not on your own like before.”

Kai thought for a few moments, then shifted to look at her friend, now her Spymaster. She nodded. “Alright, as long as you all hold my hand as I get used to this. But I have one condition.”

“What’s that?” Leliana asked, now curious.

“I’m not dragging that huge chunk of metal around with me, either here or outside. Understood?” Kai was smirking now.

“Ugh, very funny. It is purely ceremonial you realise. Now, if you’ve finished, I have actual work to do. We can’t all be figureheads strolling around the place, chatting.” Leliana was grinning now, and turned to leave.

“Something just struck me, dear friend. As I’m Inquisitor, don’t you have to do what I ask of you?” Kai teased.

“If that’s what you wish to believe, please don’t let me dissuade you,” Leliana threw back, laughing as she walked through the door.

Kai laughed and shook her head. She would, Kai knew. She already had, even before she was Inquisitor. 

\------------------------------------------------------

As Kai entered Cullen’s office, she could see him leaning forward, hands on his desk, staring a box sat there. When she drew closer, she recognised it. She’d seen it before, her brother had one. It was a Templar’s lyrium apparatus and spare phial. Standard issue once they’d taken their vows. Kai never liked the idea of making them use lyrium, she was all too aware of what could happen later on in their lives, or if a Templar was expelled. The addiction was not pleasant to see. 

And there was constantly that metallic smell on their...Maker, how had she not noticed, she’d been close enough to him. Leliana’s remarks about the little things popped into her head.

Cullen stood up and faced her. “Now you are the Inquisitor, there’s something I need to tell you.” His tone was formal.

Kai realised what he was about to say, but bit her lip to avoid revealing that she guessed. 

“Well, I don’t have to explain about lyrium to you, your brother was a Templar.” He paused as Kai nodded. 

Cullen continued. “I no longer take it. After what happened in Kirkwall I couldn’t. I will not be bound to the Order or that life any longer.” He face looked tired as he talked. 

“How long?” 

“Since I joined the Inquisition, months now.”

Well, he was still alive, that was something. But it explained the headaches and the moods. He was withdrawing, and holding down an exceptionally demanding and arduous role. Maker, how was he managing to do it all? She saw him grasp the pommel of his sword.

“You can be assured I won’t put the army at risk, the Inquisition must always come first. Cassandra has agreed to watch me. If it becomes apparent I cannot fulfil my role, I will be relieved from duty,” he emphasised. 

Of course he would wish her to be persuaded of that. But how far would he force himself before reaching that stage? And that was the last thing she wanted him to do. She needed to identify how he was now. He did look a little vulnerable, but this time she could support him. 

Kai walked around the desk, standing near him. “How bad?”

“I can endure it,” he replied stoically.

“That wasn’t the question.” Kai sighed. He was going to brave this one out, she would have to push him. “Alright, I’ll ask, you tell me what fits.” She saw his brow furrow, but ignored it and pressed on.

“Headaches and general pain?” 

“Yes.”

“Craving?”

“Yes.”

“Flashbacks?”

He looked away and hesitated. Kai moved closer, placed her hand on his arm and asked again.

“Flashbacks?”

“Nightmares. They only occur when I try to sleep. Not when I’m awake. I think you can guess what they involve.” He turned back to watch her when he spoke the last sentence. The same flicker of anguish passed across his face as she’d seen back in Haven. She let go of his arm.

“Thank you. I can work with that. Now, let’s see,” she replied, one arm across her chest, the other elbow resting on her hand, palm against her face. She could see Cullen watching her, wondering what on earth was happening.

“First thing, you need to eat regularly and take a break at least twice a day. If you’re not sleeping, try taking a nap. Wait, do you get the nightmares if you nap?” she looked at him.

“Well, I don’t actually nap as such, but have nodded off...” he sounded slightly embarrassed. “But no, not then, not when it’s a brief amount of time,” he conceded.

“Good, for one break you can nap, and on the other maybe take a walk, or train, whichever works best. Secondly, Elan can concoct something to aid with the pain and headaches. And before you object, I know there are potions that can alleviate pain, they may require modification, but she’s good. The craving and the dreams will take time to cease. However, if your body is nourished and rested and the pain lessened, it’ll be less stressed. It’ll help the withdrawal go smoother and quicker.”

Kai stared at his desk and the pile of reports lying there. She started to work through them. “And lastly, Commander, learn to delegate. There’s too much of this and not enough of you.” 

“Guard rotations, delegate. Fortifications, delegate...” she began.

“Wait a minute,” he protested. “I need to know about these matters.”

“Yes, but do you need to _do_ them? I happen to know you have a particularly able second in command, not to mention some good junior officers. Surely they can actually do them and report back to you?” she asked sternly.

Cullen’s eyebrows shot up, before a smile broke out on his face. “When did you get so authoritarian?” he inquired.

“When you all determined to make me Inquisitor. Don’t put the power in my hands if you don’t expect me to use it to help people,” she proclaimed. “You get what you ask for.” 

The smile changed into a grin. “Do I get a say in any of this?” he asked.

“Of course you do. But if you wish to formally refuse, I can just order you to do it. Inquisitor, remember?” Kai was grinning now.

“I thought you were a diplomat,” he responded, stepping closer.

“Diplomacy takes many forms, occasionally a stricter hand is...needed,” she replied, stumbling over her last word, because now he was standing next to her. 

And his mouth and eyes were smiling at her, and Maker, he was beautiful...please don’t smirk, Cullen, because right now I will lose it and kiss you, she thought. And that would embarrass them both, because his smirk was starting to trigger other responses in her. 

“In that case, I will try and do as you ask. If you put that much care and thought into my welfare, how can I refuse?” he conceded, still smiling. 

“You can’t. Plus I have spies, well technically Leliana has them, but you know what I mean,” she blurted out. 

He laughed. “So I’d have both Cassandra and Leliana watching me then.”

“You could say that,” she chuckled. “But I think Leliana watches us all anyhow. I’d just have to ask for a little extra on you.”

“Alright, point taken,” he replied. His hand reached up to the back of his neck, and she thought he was about to speak, when the door opened.

“Cullen...ah, and here’s our newly minted Inquisitor too. Funny how I discover you two together,” Dorian announced smiling.

“Was there something you wanted Dorian, or did you just come here to make jokes?” Cullen asked, impatiently.

“Indeed there was, but the joke is a bonus. I came to inquire if you wanted a game?” he asked.

Kai looked puzzled. 

“He means chess,” Cullen said, in an aside. “I am actually having a meeting with the Inquisitor.” Cullen replied to Dorian.

Dorian’s interruption had given her a chance to get away before she did something she’d rue later. And she was supposed to find Varric too, and whoever his mystery friend was.

“Oh actually, chess sounds a like a suitable break for you Cullen,” Kai insisted. “Start as you mean to go on.”

“Are you sure?” he inquired, looking unsure himself.

“I am. Anyway, I assume your instructions are clear enough,” she teased, seeing him rolling his eyes.

“Right. It appears you have an opponent, Dorian. Inquisitor’s orders,” Cullen stated, glancing back at Dorian.

Kai heard Dorian mutter something, smirking now, but couldn’t make it out. “Oh yes, before I forget, you have children climbing the scaffolding again,” he advised them.

Cullen sighed. “Maker’s breath! How many times do I have to tell the guards to keep an eye out for them?

“Cullen, remember delegation? You can’t be there all the time.” Kai insisted.

“Yes Inquisitor, I’ll see to it...I mean I’ll ask someone to see to it,” he answered, correcting himself.

“I could hear the noisy brats back in the Hall, laughing and shrieking,” Dorian tutted.

“That’s what children do, Dorian. Anyway hearing children’s laughter is a positive thing. Especially after what we’ve been through,” Cullen said wistfully.

“Well, I will leave you two to your game. I need to go and find Varric. Bye both!” she announced brightly, hearing their goodbyes before she left, walking past Dorian out onto the walkway. He winked at her as she passed. 

Kai realised it wasn’t a little thing that she missed this time, it was a massive, glaring sore thumb of a thing. She hadn’t even thought about it until now, never in all her permutations.

Children. She’d never considered children. Future Cullen didn’t know that she couldn’t have children. She didn’t know Cullen had stopped the lyrium. Of course he would want a family now he was no longer a Templar or taking lyrium. The one thing she couldn’t give him. And he was sensible enough to avoid things escalating before either of them got hurt. That’s why he chose to be friends. She had been right that he cared, he cared enough to protect them both.

Sometimes, she was so short-sighted. Ten years it took for her to find someone to love again, and she managed to fall for the one man she could never be with. Fuck...she was so screwed.

\--------------------------------------------

Cullen was sitting at the chess table with Dorian, but neither his mind, nor heart, were truly in the game. He kept thinking about Kai, and how in a few minutes, she just reorganised his life to just to help him cope with the withdrawal. Perhaps it took someone else to look at matters more clearly. He didn’t mind at all, all her suggestions were eminently sensible and practical. 

When he saw her next he could call her serious. That would make her laugh. She would maintain it was his fault, and it doubtless was. Cullen smiled.

“So, what’s making you so cheerful today?” Dorian asked, breaking into Cullen thoughts.

“Nothing in particular, perhaps I’m just having a better day,” Cullen replied, still smiling.

“Well, whatever it, it’s ruining your game. I’m actually winning for once.” Dorian was grinning now. “Perhaps you should have more of these days, it gives me a fighting chance.”

“ _And_ you’re not actually cheating for once,” Cullen accused.

“Commander, to even suggest such a thing is outrageous,” he miffed. “I perhaps stack the odds occasionally, nothing more.”

“Never works though does it?” Cullen countered.

Dorian stared at him, pointedly. “I think our beloved Inquisitor is having an effect on you,” he replied, daring Cullen to refute it. 

Cullen huffed, but made no attempt to answer.

“Your silence speaks volumes.” Dorian became more thoughtful. “When are you actually going to do something about this?”

“Dorian, not this again. Please just drop it. We’re friends, nothing more. And since when did it become a concern of yours?” Cullen complained.

It started with that remark in the tent, and now it looked it be a personal crusade for Dorian. They had spent some time together playing chess, and he had found himself liking Dorian. But this preoccupation was beginning to irritate him.

“All I’m suggesting is, if you like the woman, then do something about it before someone else snaps her up.” Dorian sighed heavily. “You’ll regret it if that happens. Trust me, I know.”

Cullen knew Kai was careful from what she told him, she was waiting for something special. Someone who had waited ten years already was not likely to fall in love with just anyone.

“I doubt she will just get snapped up Dorian, she’s too careful,” he scoffed, not realising the trap he just stepped into.

“Has she told you that?” Dorian queried, stroking his chin.

“Yes, as a matter of fact she has,” Cullen insisted. 

“Really, that’s interesting,” he answered enigmatically, staring straight at Cullen. “You know, Cullen, for such an intelligent man, you can be such a fool when it comes to relationships.”

“I may not have an extensive range of experience, but I’m hardly stupid when it comes to women,” Cullen protested.

“Yes, you do have that rather cute awkward thing going on. Women do seem to go for that. Alright, let me re-phrase my comment. A fool when it comes to one specific relationship.” Dorian responded.

“Enough, Dorian. Are we playing chess or discussing my love life?” Cullen demanded, exasperated now. One more comment about him and Kai and he’d concede the game and go back to his office.

Dorian spoke more gently. “Cullen, I just think you need more than your work. All I’m proposing is that you think about what you else you need, and maybe who.”

Cullen glared for a moment, then sighed. “Alright, but can we talk about something else now?”

“No need, checkmate it is. I win,” Dorian boasted. 

“What? How did you...?” Cullen exclaimed.

“You weren’t concentrating enough, my friend,” Dorian smirked. “And I feel a celebratory drink is in order, and you’re buying. I think you owe me for the advice.”

“I have work to do, I’m certainly not coming to drink with you, “ Cullen objected, folding his arms.

“You don’t have to drink with me, just buy me the bloody thing,” Dorian retorted, rolling his eyes.

“Ugh, alright. Just this once, mind,” Cullen agreed reluctantly.

Cullen scanned the board quickly as they got up. Dorian was right, he’d completely messed up his game. The two of them headed for the tavern.

As they reached the courtyard just before going in, Cullen could swear he heard Kai laughing loudly. He took hold of Dorian’s arm.

“Wait a moment,” he said.

“What...” Dorian began, but Cullen shushed him.

There it was again. He hadn’t heard her laugh like that since Haven was destroyed. She’d been more subdued after. He searched around; he had to know what was making her to laugh that way. Kai had a rich melodious laugh, that sometimes hitched mid laugh. She was here somewhere. Cullen eventually looked up, and there she was on the battlements with Hawke, both of them leaning on the wall, close together.

Cullen frowned, too close together, for his liking. His frown deepened, until his brows almost met. Maker, did it have to be Hawke? He was charming and funny, and Cullen knew Kai warmed to people who made her laugh. It was a damn badge of honour with her. 

He wasn’t conscious of the scowl now forming on his face. He didn’t notice Dorian’s astonished expression, and then glance up to where Cullen was staring. 

“Ah...Cullen, I did warn...” 

Cullen interrupted him. “Not another word,” he growled. “I will buy you that drink, and have one with you.”

They both headed for the tavern.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

The Advisors were waiting in the War Room for Kai. She had called a meeting to report back on her discussion with Hawke. Cullen had bristled at the word discussion when he read the note; what he saw didn’t look like a discussion to him. 

As she entered, she was smiling, but that was her. He did notice her smile broaden when she glanced at him, but it invariably did. He, however, did not smile as broadly back and caught a momentary look of puzzlement cross her face. He appreciated it was childish as soon as he’d done it. Of course he had no hold on her, but the image of her with Hawke bothered him. If he was truly honest with himself, he was jealous, and not something he was proud of.

They listened as Kai detailed the information about Stroud and the Wardens, and the necessity to meet with him in Crestwood as quickly as possible. Leliana recounted the report from Harding about corpses rising there, from a rift submerged in the lake. Kai and her team would ride for Crestwood along with Hawke the following day. Hawke would head off to find Stroud, while they dealt with the rift, then all meet up.

Cullen could feel his jaw clench every time Hawke’s name was mentioned. As the meeting concluded, he saw Kai motion Leliana to remain. Now his curiosity got the better of him. The doors were slightly ajar and he slowed his walk, only afterwards realising it was a bad idea. Kai’s voice was a hissed whisper, but loud enough for him to catch it.

“Maker, why didn’t you warn me about Hawke? I thought it was Aedan standing there, I practically fainted from shock.”

Cullen quietly walked on. The possibility of Kai with Hawke was bad enough to contemplate, but the fact he resembled the man she was so in love with made it worse. His frustration turned to despair. No surprise she was so happy, laughing as she was. At least they would be away from Skyhold tomorrow, and he wouldn’t have to see the two of them together. 

Cullen realised he would have to take control of his emotions, put some distance between himself and Kai. It was the last thing he wanted to do, because he enjoyed being around her, she made him feel good. Better that, than end up doing something he would later regret.

Maker’s breath! Why did he have to end up loving the one woman he couldn’t have?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Crestwood, a celebration is arranged for the dragon slaying before they set off to the Westen Approach. Two unlikely allies plot to use it for their own scheme.  
> .  
> .

Kai could see the towers of Skyhold rising up ahead; it wouldn’t be long before they were home. Funny, she’d never considered Haven as home, but in some peculiar way Skyhold was.

Crestwood went well. Rifts closed, villagers saved from corpses, a keep procured for Leliana’s agents, bandits and Red Templars eliminated, and a wyvern and dragon taken care of. They did good work. But they were also tired and grungy. Normally they could locate a lake to bathe in, but the only one in Crestwood had corpses rising from it, and no one fancied taking a wash in it after that. Plus the ponds were too shallow for bathing. Kai sorely needed to get clean. 

As they arrived at the gates, the horn blew to announce their arrival. The six of them made for the stables to leave their horses there.

“So Boss, tavern tonight to celebrate our dragon?” Bull asked enthusiastically. He was hankering for a celebration after slaying the dragon. And when Bull wanted to enjoy himself, there was no holding him.

“Yes, tavern tonight, Bull. Try to scoop up as many as you can. This may be our last chance for a while. I’m off to see Cullen, I’ll let him know,” she replied smiling. 

The news from Stroud about the Wardens was disturbing, and they still had to investigate the Western Approach. Blood magic, Wardens hearing the Calling, and Corypheus. Of course, he had to be involved in it somewhere. Kai had proposed they return to Skyhold first and talk to the Advisors before travelling on. It was a lengthy ride even from Skyhold, so getting rest and picking up supplies was essential.

But for tonight they could take time off and enjoy themselves. She just had one task first before anything else. She headed off to Cullen’s office. They’d been away a week, and she needed to find out if he had stuck to the plan, and because she missed him. 

Kai ran up the stairs from the lower courtyard, along the battlements to his tower. In her haste, she rushed straight in. What she saw there stopped her dead; Cullen, his hand on Lysette’s shoulder, smiling gently at her. 

Kai’s heart lunched into her throat, and for a moment she stood there speechless. She’d never seen Cullen with anyone. Were they...? She collected her thoughts, as they faced her. 

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb your meeting. I just wanted to catch up with you. I’ll come back later, Cullen,” she said, not entirely calm, but enough to be convincing. The smile, however, was not as forthcoming. Kai turned to leave. 

“Of course, Inquisitor. I understand Josephine has scheduled a meeting for later on. Perhaps we could talk after that?” he enquired, his tone formal. When she looked back, he was still smiling.

Of course he was she thought, he had something to smile about. Whereas her positive mood ebbed away, leaving behind a stabbing pain in her guts. 

“Sure,” she responded, and made a hasty escape, realising she now had to trek back down through the lower courtyard to get to her quarters. A host of expletives ran through her head as she made her way there, the only pause being a request to have water and a fire rune brought to her room for a bath.

Kai rarely took up many of the privileges of her position. But bathing in peace was one she did. She experienced enough stares and whispers being so recognisable, what little privacy she could have was welcome. And right now privacy was what she wanted.

===

As the Inquisitor left, Cullen turned back to Lysette.

“As I pointed out, this is not something to be undertaken lightly. But if you choose to try, I am happy to offer what advice and aid I can. The decision is yours,” he said thoughtfully.

“Thank you Commander, I do wish to stop taking it. With what we’ve seen and encountered, I would rather pledge myself to the Inquisition than remain in the Order,” she explained. “And doubtless be the only one. But each individual has to come to that decision on their own.”

“That they do, but I would be happy to aid anyone who wishes to try,” he assured her.

“I understand. However breaking the tie won’t be easy for some. But thank you for taking the time.” Lysette nodded and left.

Word had got out among the Templars that Cullen had ceased taking lyrium, and Lysette came to visit him about wishing to do the same. He had severed the link, so how could he not offer help to anyone else who wished to do so. He explained to her the difficulties and dangers, but evidently she still wanted to try. 

During this last week he had stuck to the plan Kai outlined and felt better. She was right, taking better care of himself made a difference, albeit small at first. He could use that to benefit others too.

He needed to thank her when they met later. Even though he had sought to distance himself, he missed her being around. What he tried not to think about, was what might have transpired while she was away. But now he faced the prospect of seeing her with Hawke again. His jaw clenched slightly. Cullen picked up a report to distract himself, just as the door opened again.

“Ah Cullen, hard at work as ever I see.” Dorian waltzed in. “Well, I’ve come to disturb you. I trust you are coming to the dragon slaying celebration tonight at the tavern?” he invited, smiling.

“Hello Dorian, and what celebration?” Cullen sighed.

“Oh, did she not say? How odd. Kai wanted to issue the invitation to you personally,” Dorian replied, surprised.

“Well, I was in a meeting when she showed up, we planned to catch up later,” he heard an ‘ahh’ from Dorian as he spoke. Cullen paused. “Will Hawke be there?” he inquired suspiciously.

“My dear man, most of us will be there, though I suspect some of our more sniffy friends won’t appear. No loss there. But you, Cullen, should absolutely come,” he maintained. Dorian stepped up to Cullen, pointing at his desk. “Leave all of this, come and let go for a change.”

“I’m not certain I...” Cullen protested, somewhat loudly. He didn’t wish to see them together if he could avoid it.

“Maker’s breath! Just come along, you may enjoy yourself,” he raised an eyebrow, smirking. Dorian went to leave, but after a few strides, he glanced back, “Oh, and Cullen, put on something else besides that infernal armour of yours. Find something to show off your natural features.” 

“My what...?” Cullen spluttered as Dorian walked out laughing. He rubbed the back of his neck. Why was he so persistent? Cullen groaned. He didn’t want to go, but she plainly wanted him there. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Kai watched her Advisors as she recounted what Stroud had told them. She was wary about what information she sent back before they returned. With the death of Butcher, they discovered one of their agents had been turned by the Venatori, with promises of titles and riches. Leliana was angry when she found out; this was the second agent who had betrayed them. Four agents lost in total. Two turned and two slain.

Kai didn’t envy her friend’s position, having to be watchful all the time, but she understood now what pressure she was under. And how necessary it was not to let her become entirely cynical, which could happen. Kai was changing herself; her free and open nature was becoming a little more closed bit by bit. Compromises, that’s what Leliana had said. Kai hadn’t taken her seriously back then, but now her words were prophetic.

“So, that’s what we have. We’re heading to the Western Approach with Hawke and Stroud, to find out what they’re doing there, and then feedback to you. We need better information before we can formulate any kind of plan. Stroud mentioned there is an abandoned Warden keep there. I thought that might be advantageous to secure?” Kai waited for their reactions.

Leliana spoke first. “Harding is already on her way there. I sent her to scout the area to provide us preliminary intelligence on the general situation. She has instructions not to approach the tower Stroud mentioned. We will forward any information on to you, and she will brief you when you arrive.”

“Thank you.” Kai nodded.

“I will make certain our forces are ready, and depending on what you discover, we can then arrange for what we need to do. Securing the keep sounds useful. We can hold it as a permanent base in the area. But I don’t like the sound of blood magic; nothing good can ever come of that.” Cullen’s face and voice were gloomy. 

And she could guess why. Blood magic seemed to haunt the man, first Kinloch, then Kirkwall, and now the Wardens. 

“Thank you, Cullen,” she acknowledged. “Well, is there anything else?” A chorus of no’s answered her.

“In that case, just a reminder we’ll be in the tavern tonight drinking to the badass dragon that made Bull so cheerful,” she grinned. “Please come. I can’t guarantee decorum, Josie. But it will be fun,” she teased looking at Josephine.

“Raucous was what I was thinking, Inquisitor,” Josephine answered, glancing up from her board. 

Kai scratched her head. “Hmm, perhaps an apter description,” she admitted.

As the meeting broke up, she called Cullen over. “Do you have time to talk now?”

“Yes. Here or in my office?” he suggested, his face still sombre.

“We might as well talk here,” replied Kai, leaning against the War Table. 

She’d settled, but a slight knot of agitation remained in her belly. Besides finding out how he was, there was one other thing she needed to know. 

“So, did you stick to the plan and how have you been?” she requested, smiling. She noticed a slight smile show on his face..

“I did, and it is working. I should thank you for suggesting it, or maybe insisting should be a better definition,” he responded. He looked more rested from what she could see.

“My pleasure, Cullen. I hope that means you’re coming to the tavern tonight. I had wanted to invite you earlier, but you were busy,” she said, now regarding him carefully before she went on. She wanted to fish for information and needed to watch his face as well as hear the words.

“I’m sorry for interrupting earlier, I should have knocked. I recognise how irritating it can be when someone barges in on a meeting.” Her tone was throwaway, non-committal.

“Oh that, no it was fine. Word has spread among the Templars that I’ve stopped taking lyrium. How, I have no idea, but Lysette came to see me about wanting to do the same. I laid out the risks, but she remains eager to undertake it,” he replied. “And we can use your plan for her, and any others that may wish to try. Perhaps I should thank you on their behalf too.”

Cullen had hardly got part way through his explanation, when the grin appeared, wide now on her face, and the knot in her belly vanished. It was ridiculous she understood that, being jealous, being scared he had someone. But now she realised her assumption was false, she was so relieved, in fact slightly euphoric.

Kai stood up and ambled closer to Cullen. “I’m glad I could be of use, Cullen. You see, I am good for things other than being funny,” she quipped, jabbing his breastplate.

Cullen laughed. “Indeed, who knew you could be serious all on your own,” he observed. “What was it you said to me, full of surprises?” He was smirking now.

That smirk again, Kai sighed inside. Maker, that smirk was the death of her. That smirk, mixed with the euphoria, caused her to be reckless. She stepped right up to him and laid her hand on his breastplate this time. 

“Cullen...you have no idea,” she winked. Kai walked to the door and paused, glancing over her shoulder, “see you later.” She sauntered out, adding a slight wiggle to her stride, feeling his eyes on her as she left.

Cullen watched Kai as she walked away. Was she flirting with him? And that walk, with a slight exaggeration in the swing of her hips. He had seen her walking enough times to recognise that was clearly different. He grinned. Perhaps the tavern wasn’t such a bad idea. 

As he made his way back to his office, he couldn’t help but wonder what had taken place while she was away.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

As Kai looked around, practically everyone had appeared, with the notable exception of Vivienne and Solas, who she didn’t expect would come. They took up most of the tavern, with some of the Chargers there too. She thought Cullen would show up, but as yet there was no sign of him. Had she overdone the flirting? It was a bit much she thought afterwards, but couldn’t stop herself at the time. Maker, that smirk should be banned, it was much too dangerous.

As Bull filled all the mugs around the table, she saw Cassandra sniffing her mug, her face crinkling. 

“Bull, what is this? It smells terrible,” she grumbled.

A few others smelled theirs too, with an identical response. 

“Maraas Lok!” he announced. “You have to take it back fast.”

“Right,” he began, his voice booming across the room. “To badass dragons and awesome fights! Taarsidath-an halsaam!”

The mugs went up, the drinks went down, and the coughing began in earnest. Kai thought her throat was struck with glowing hot fragments. But once you got past that, it wasn’t too awful. 

“Bull, this is vile stuff,” Dorian tried to say, his voice faint and rough.

“Yes, it tends to wipe out most of the nerves in your throat, unfortunate side effect,” he chuckled.

“Unfortunate?!” exclaimed Josephine, still coughing. “Andraste preserve me! Bull, you may have ruined my whole career.”

“Don’t worry Josie, I’m positive your voice will return. Bull wouldn’t want to feel your wrath now, would he?” Leliana teased, croaking.

“I guarantee you’ll be fine later,” Bull replied smiling at Josephine. “But I wouldn’t mind feeling your wrath.” He winked at Leliana.

“Tiny, are you toying with the Spymaster? Very risky,” Varric tutted.

Leliana’s eyebrows lifted. “I’m not sure that would be prudent. You have no idea how wrathful I could be,” she said deadpan. 

Well, Kai knew Bull liked redheads. She saw Leliana wink at her, she was teasing him. Bull appeared to work it out too and turned aside. 

Sera tapped her mug on the table. “I’ll have some more.”

“Me too,” Kai added. “It’s fine once it passes your throat.”

Hawke, who was sitting next to Kai, piped up. “Not for me, but I would like to know what that expression meant. You shouted it when we were fighting the dragon.”

Kai liked Hawke; he was funny and made her laugh. After the initial shock of seeing him, they got on fine. She had thought perhaps him looking like Aedan might be off putting, but he was a different person, and now she just saw Hawke. And he had tales about Cullen. 

Hawke was sharp too, bluntly informing her she should do something about it if she liked Cullen that much. Until then, Kai had no notion she was that overt, but she did persist in wanting to learn more about Cullen and what he was like in Kirkwall. 

“Taarsidath-an halsaam? Closest translation would be ‘I will bring myself sexual pleasure later while thinking about this with great respect’.” He roared with laughter.

“Sweet Andraste! I was too busy struggling to keep away from the lightning rings it produced,” Cassandra shuddered. “The shock went right through me.”

“Did it tingle your bits?” Sera cackled. She was on her second mug.

“Did it tingle my what...?” Cassandra stared at Sera.

“You know, your lady bits,” she grinned.

Kai was also on her second mug. “Mine were most definitely tingled,” she disclosed.

Kai, like Sera, was becoming a little past tipsy. There was an abrupt silence and then laughter. “What?” she asked puzzled. “Sera asked a valid question, I gave an honest answer.”

Dorian stared at her, grinning, shaking his head. “I sure it was, but perhaps a little too honest.”

She could hear Leliana laughing. “Be careful you don’t give her too much to drink, she can be embarrassingly honest then.”

Kai glared at her friend, seeing her laugh more.

“Can she truly?” Dorian responded laughing, glancing at Hawke. 

Kai knew something was going on between the two of them ever since Crestwood. Dorian had drawn him aside one night, and they spent a lengthy time talking. She had thought Dorian had taken a shine to him, but that assumption crumbled as she saw Dorian leave Bull’s tent the last morning in camp before they got back to Skyhold. 

“Dorian?” she challenged. Kai eyed him suspiciously. 

“I’m just curious what you’ll say. I do love some entertainment when drinking,” he snickered.

“And at my expense it would appear. Well, I’m not drunk, so you’re out of luck,” she retorted, with a ‘so there’ nod. 

“Ah, the night is still young,” he came back, waving his hand.

Kai snorted and took another gulp from her mug. There looked to be more of this stuff in there than she recalled. 

“Did you put more in my mug, Bull?”

“Yes Boss, it looks as if it’s only you, me and Sera who want to drink this. Everyone else has given up.” he replied. “Looks like the three of us have a tougher constitution than the rest of them,” he continued, laughing. 

Drink only affected her if she was fatigued and hadn’t eaten as happened back in Haven. True she was past being tipsy, but she wasn’t drunk either.

All she had to do was keep her mouth under control. Leliana wasn’t wrong, a little too much alcohol and she could be much too open. 

“Ah...there he is. Cullen, we’re over here,” Dorian shouted, waving him over.

Kai turned around. The only outfit she had known him wear was his armour, and that coat. But not tonight. He was wearing breeches, boots, shirt and tunic left open at the front. All were a dark colour except the shirt which was white. He looked...awesome.

She realised her mouth had fallen open, and swallowed, hastily shutting it. She drew a long hard swig, finishing her mug.

“I’ve kept a chair for you, right next to me,” Dorian indicated the chair beside him. 

Right opposite Kai, who was struggling not to gawk as he sat down, but failing miserably. 

Bull passed over a mug to Dorian, who deposited it before Cullen. “Don’t worry we saved you some,” Bull called over.

“Some what?” Cullen looked baffled.

“It’s vile, but drink it down quick. To toast the dragon.” Dorian whispered. 

Kai smiled and waited for the reaction as Cullen drank it. The coughing followed. Bull was roaring with laughter again.

“Maker’s breath!” he eventually said, his voice faint. This is disgusting, he thought.

“Puts some chest on your chest, eh Cullen,” Bull joked. “Want more?”

“Thank you but no, I think I’ll have something less...” he began, trying to think of something other than disgusting.

“Revolting?” Dorian offered, smirking.

“Vicious,” Cullen finally added. 

He saw Kai sitting opposite, smiling as she looked at him. Her eyes were a little glazed, but she didn’t look drunk. What he could see was that the top few hooks of her tunic were open, revealing the leather cord of that necklace. The same curiosity he felt when he looked at it back in the tent now returned. 

She was sitting next to Hawke, but paying no attention to him at all. Her focus was solely on him. 

“It’s nice to see you out of your armour, Cullen,” she said smiling. Kai leaned forward and beckoned him. Cullen leant toward her. “It wouldn’t be the first time,” she whispered cheekily. 

He remembered well the night she caught him out of his armour. Had it been anyone else, the embarrassment would have been worse. 

Cullen groaned faintly. “I expected you might recall that somehow,” he murmured back, watching as she rested back in her chair, sniggering quietly.

Cullen became conscious of eyes scrutinising him from the side. Dorian was smirking. Cullen glared at him. Not this again.

“Cullen, it’s been a while,” Hawke said, looking straight at him. “It takes disaster to bring us together again. Just like old times.”

“Don’t remind me. Enough disaster follows you around Hawke,” Cullen shot back. 

“Yes, why is it always my fault in one breath, and then, ‘Hawke rescue us’ in the next? I can never work that one out,” Hawke sighed. 

“I can’t imagine,” Cullen replied sarcastically. 

“At least this time your boss doesn’t have a serious case of the crazies. Unless I’ve just not discovered it yet,” Hawke looked at Kai. “No, I think she’s fine.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the Inquisitor,” Cullen protested, somewhat irritated now. Hawke would never let him forget about Meredith.

“Oh I can absolutely see that’s true,” Hawke grinned, as he glanced at Kai from top to toe. “So, what’s stopping you?”

“What?!” Cullen was thrown now. This conversation had taken an altogether unexpected direction.

“Well, here am I with all these fascinating tales to tell, and what does she want to hear? Tell me about Cullen, always Cullen.” Hawke fixed his gaze on Kai, who was now slouching as deep in her chair as she could go. 

“Hawke!” she hissed quietly. “Shut up!” her face now awash with colour, as she shot Hawke a withering stare.

Cullen then heard Dorian. “Well, at least she talks. Push as I might, you can barely get him to say more than two words about her,” he sighed.

The colour flooded his cheeks, and he folded his arms. Cullen was now annoyed, not to mention embarrassed. “Dorian, be quiet or I swear I’ll...” was all that came out of the threat. 

He saw Kai gradually sliding downwards. Intentionally or by accident, he didn’t know, but she dropped onto the floor under the table, hitting it with a bump. He leapt to his feet and crouched down, seeing her sitting there, head bent down as she groaned. 

Cullen reached out to her. “Need a hand?” he asked.

She looked up, a light smile appearing. “Why? Do you have one to spare?” she quipped. Cullen couldn’t help but grin back. She grabbed hold of his hand, and he helped her out.

As Cullen helped her up, gripping her hand, Kai twisted her head to see everyone staring at them both, doubtless expecting something. She saw Leliana smirking and looked back at Cullen. 

“We should go,” she murmured.

“Come on,” he whispered back.

As they walked to the door, still holding hands, cheers and clapping ensued.

“Maker’s breath!” Cullen growled. “I’m going to kill them both.”

“Get in line, there’s already a queue,” Kai hissed back.

They made their way to Cullen’s office along the battlements. Once inside he locked the door. As Kai leant against his desk and Cullen leant against the wall, they stared at each other. For the first time between them, silence fell, not a pause or a natural break in conversation, actual silence. It was clear they had to talk, but neither of them knew quite what to say.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Kai finally talk and admit their feelings for each other, then get a little closer.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW at the end of the chapter.  
> .  
> .

Kai realised one of them had to say something, do something, or they would be standing there like statues all night. She took Aedan’s ring off, conscious of Cullen studying her movements, and placed it on his desk. Then, she reached into her tunic and pulled out the necklace with his coin. She noticed his stare become keener. Undoing the clasp, Kai took it off and strode over to Cullen, lifting his hand, and laying the necklace into it.

“Look at it...and ask whatever you wish,” she directed. “I’ll explain the best I can. Though to be honest I don’t entirely grasp it all. It’s...complicated.” Kai went over the desk and hauled herself onto it. They could be here a while and she needed to sit.

Cullen flipped over the coin and scrutinised it closely. There was a look of recognition in his face.

“This is mine, isn’t it?” he asked, he glanced at Kai and then back at the coin. His hand reached into his pocket bringing out his coin to compare them.

“Yes. Well, it belonged to future you, in Redcliffe,” she acknowledged. The future you that initiated this for me, she thought.

“What did I say when I gave this to you?” He looked back at her, his expression a mix of curiosity and concern.

“You gave it to me for luck. You said that you didn’t realise until you thought I was dead. And you urged me to give you a chance if you had the courage and sense to do something. I promised I would,” she responded, meeting his gaze.

“That’s all?” he questioned, watching her.

“Cullen, there wasn’t a lot of time and you were...well, not in the best shape.” Brutally tortured wasn’t something she was anxious to repeat. That vision of him still troubled her. “I figured out it meant a lot to you, to have held onto it through everything.”

“I see.” He was reflecting, glancing between the two coins. “And the reason you didn’t tell me before...?” he stared pointedly at her.

“I didn’t realise you felt the same, I thought...you wanted to be friends. It would just embarrass you if you knew that...” Kai took a deep breath, “...I loved you.”

Cullen sighed heavily, tilting his head back momentarily. “I only suggested for that because I thought that’s what you wanted. That night in your cabin, you looked away when I was going to ask you for a chance. I assumed you...didn’t feel the same and...I’d embarrass you.” 

There were times she could batter herself for her stupidity. She had failed in keeping her promise.

“I’m so sorry, Cullen. I was nervous, I didn’t realise that you...oh crap.” She rubbed her forehead in frustration and groaned. “Had I realised that was what...” Kai was swinging her legs without realising, a habit she had when excited or frustrated. 

“How long have you known?” he inquired. “I mean, how you felt.”

“It was that last night in Haven, as I stood there with you, I knew then,” she answered, with a slight smile.

“Same for me, I realised then. The prospect of losing you, I understood what you meant to me. I knew I loved you,” Cullen admitted, his eyes softening.

Silence fell again for a few minutes. 

Kai wanted to explain, make him see her reasons for not saying anything to him after she realised. 

“I assumed you were being practical by being friends, because I couldn’t have children.” Kai watched his face as she spoke. “When you mentioned you were no longer taking lyrium, I thought perhaps you wanted a family, something I couldn’t give you.” 

“If I’d previously told you how I felt, why would you think that would matter?” he responded, astonished.

“Because future you didn’t know, Cullen. It was only that night in your tent that I told you,” she urged. “Do you understand now what I mean by complicated?”

“Yes, of course,” he acknowledged nodding. 

Too much information or not enough, she thought. And where, and with whom did this start? The threads were intertwined so closely, which one of them began this journey was impossible to draw out. Who encouraged who?

As she looked at Cullen, she saw him glance at the ring on the desk. “So, you think you’ve finally fulfilled your promise?” he asked expectantly, glancing aside at her.

“Cullen, I know I have,” she declared resolutely. “The ring was a promise I made to my naïve eighteen-year-old self. I didn’t keep it just because Aedan gave it to me. Don’t forget noble families don’t marry for love, it’s for alliances. But because of what happened, I had that option. I could allow myself that luxury of waiting until I met someone I loved.”

Cullen walked over to her. “And this?” he inquired, indicating the necklace in his hand. 

“This is my promise to you,” Kai confirmed. “I was scared of losing it after I dropped it in your tent, so I had it made into a necklace to wear it. It was important to you, so I wanted to keep it safe.”

“Is it important to _you_?” he asked, looking into her eyes, awaiting her reaction. 

“Of course it is. _You_ gave it to me. Initially I looked after because it was for you, now I do because it means so much to me. In fact, I feel naked without it now.” She smiled nervously, her hand reaching for her neck. It seemed bare without her necklace. “You gave it to me for luck, and well, maybe it worked.”

Cullen grinned. “My brother gave it to me, before I left for Templar training. He claimed it was for luck, but it was just a coin in his pocket. It saw me through everything, Ferelden, Kirkwall, even Haven. I could have died in any of those places, but I survived them all.” 

He stepped closer and tenderly stroked her cheek. “I’m glad if it did the same for you,”

Kai closed her eyes and leant into his hand. This was the first time he touched her like this. His hand was rough, somehow making the sensation feel more. He’d held her in Haven, but she hadn’t felt the same then. 

“That feels nice,” she murmured, opening her eyes.

Cullen was smiling at her. She watched as he put both coins on his desk before returning to her. He reached out his hand, and Kai took it, hopping off the desk. As he stepped forward, he let go, placing his hands on her hips drawing her even closer. Kai grinned as she saw the smirk appear. Her belly was full of tension and warmth.

“Tell me again,” he urged, gazing into her eyes.

“That feels nice,” she quipped, knowing full well that wasn’t what he asked for.

“For once, Kai, please be serious,” he frowned slightly.

“I’m sorry. It’s a diversion. Your smirk has unintended effects on me, and damn...I’m babbling now because I’m nervous,” she blurted out. 

“You’re nervous?” he queried.

“Of course I am, I’ve thought of this and never expected it to really happen,” she replied. “And I’ve had a drink, and I tend to be little more open...and maybe I should just stop talking,” 

Kai could see Cullen shaking his head in amazement, as she exhaled calming herself.

Kai put her arms around his neck and smiled, telling him what he wanted to hear. “I love you, Cullen.”

“I love you, Kai,” he responded, bending down.

Kai was only a head shorter than him, so as her eyes closed she felt his lips on hers. The kiss was tender, almost innocent, and all too brief she thought as he drew away. Kai licked her lips, tasting him there, a blend of sweetness and Maraas Lok. 

Kai opened her eyes, humming. “Again, please?” she implored. Back came the smirk. 

“I thought you were nervous,” he retorted, his hands firm against her hips.

“I was, but that was before you kissed me,” she smiled invitingly. 

As he kissed her for the second time, his lips pressed harder on hers, and Kai flicked her tongue over the seam of his mouth, inviting him to open it. As he did, and she pressed into his mouth with her tongue, his tongue found hers, gliding against it. Kai gasped as he moved one hand around her waist and the other over her bottom, tugging her into him. 

She had thought of this as something she would never have, scared to allow herself to imagine too much. But in that moment, the touch of his lips, the feel of his mouth and his body held against hers, she fell in love with him. She loved him for weeks now, but as he was, his quirks, his foibles, and the many good things about him. 

The affection and caring were already there, blended now with passion and desire, to create one huge chaotic package.

The longer he kissed her, the greater the desire for more became. And it wasn’t only her. As her hand pushed up into his hair, combing it with her fingers, his hand slipped under her tunic stroking her lower back, the coarseness of his palm against her bare skin. Her heartbeat was practically sprinting now in anticipation.

Then a vexing thought wormed its way into her head, what she should ask, the subject they should discuss before going further. 

Kai pulled away as gently as she could, seeing the confusion in Cullen’s face. Both of them were breathing deeply. 

“What’s wrong?” He was concerned. “I’m sorry if...”

When she spoke her voice was a little breathless. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just...” 

Kai sighed, resting her hand against his cheek, focusing on his eyes. “I love you, and will give you everything I am. But I can’t give you children. You need to be certain this is what _you_ want; that later down the line you won’t resent the decision you made to be with me. I couldn’t bear it, and would rather face separation now, when we still respect each other.”

Her heart was still racing, but this time from apprehension. She was offering him the opportunity to walk away, no repercussions. It would hard, damn hard, but better that, than end up hating each other. 

“Kai, I gave up plans of having a family when I became a Templar. Yes, Templars can marry, but it’s rare, the calling is too exacting.” Cullen gently drew her head against his.

“But you’re not a Templar anymore. You have that option now,” she insisted. 

“I’m fully conscious of my choices, Kai, and I choose to be with you because I love you. And I understand and accept what it means for us.” Cullen kissed her forehead. “Why does it bother you so?” he asked. 

“I’ve seen what resentment can do, where it can lead, how it can transform people. Anger and hostility are merely a part of it. It’s seeing someone die a little each day, becoming bitterer, fearful, because there is no way out. The person they resent is no longer human, but a thing whose very breath is an offence.” Kai was holding onto Cullen as she spoke, her head now burrowed into his chest. “I never, ever, want to see you look at me in that way.” 

“Who are you talking about? I get the impression it’s someone you know.” he inquired gently, stroking her hair.

“My sister. Another marriage of alliance. Anyone who knew her before wouldn’t recognise the person she’s turned into,” her voice faltered as she thought about Lyssa. Kai loved her sister, but found it painful to see her, to see what she had become. 

He kissed her head again. “Look, no one can foresee the future, and this may sound cold, but with our roles, there is more chance of us dying than ending up in that position,” Cullen replied gently.

Kai smiled as she stared up at Cullen. “Trust you to take the practical view. Here am I obsessing over what might be, and you just put it into context. I knew there was a reason why I loved you,” she announced, patting his chest, before settling her hand there, brushing her fingers lightly over his shirt.

His smile was warm. “Maybe that’s what we both require, a counterbalance. Being with you, even being around you, I feel better.” Cullen rested his forehead against hers. “Perhaps even less serious...sometimes,” he joked.

“That’s because it’s rubbed off on me. You’ve simply switched it for some of my humour,” she snickered. 

Cullen sighed. “I swear you have an answer for everything.”

“Usually, but not always. Answers can distract as well as be informative,” she said tapping his chest slightly to emphasise her point.

“Yes, I recall being challenged to speculate on who gave you the coin,” he lifted an eyebrow.

“I thought I did rather well, considering you caught me on the hop,” she laughed. 

“A little sneaky perhaps,” he pointed out.

Kai laughed aloud, watching Cullen look baffled. “I’m sorry,” she finally responded, drying her eyes. “I accused you of precisely that in Redcliffe. You asked for a chance, and then told me to go save the world so you could have that chance.”

A grin emerged on his face, widening as she spoke. “Did I now?” he demanded.

“You did, and now you have that and more. So, where do we go from here?” Kai gazed into his eyes.

“I may have an idea,” he smirked bending forward, and grasping her rear.

Kai placed her finger on his lips, forcing him to pause. “Are you thinking of seducing me?” she teased.

“What would you say if I was?” he speculated, still smirking.

“I’m so glad I had a bath today,” she snickered, now stroking his stubble.

“Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed, rolling his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Kai cleared her throat and stilled her mirth. “I would say...” she paused watching his face show weary resignation. “...yes.”

His brows briefly furrowed as he doubtless expected another joke, before grinning. “Alright then,” he acknowledged, letting go of her.

Kai watched as he picked up both coins, pocketing them, before strolling to the ladder. He indicated for her to follow. She smiled and clambered up the ladder behind him. As she came to the top, Cullen helped her into his loft. Kai glanced around. Basic was an insufficient description of what she saw. 

She stepped forward, paused and peered more closely around the room, one arm folding across her chest, the other elbow leaning on her hand, palm against her face. 

“Kai, you’re doing it again,” Cullen remarked, sighing. “I can see it in your face, that same expression you had before.” 

“Cullen, there’s holes everywhere. I’m just concerned that you could either freeze to death or fall through the floor. I mean...” 

Cullen interrupted her. “Would you prefer we go to your quarters?” he queried, a tone of impatience creeping in.

Kai went to him, propping her hands on her hips. “It’s not that. I just don’t want to see you neglect yourself when it can so readily be fixed.”

She saw the reproving stare. “And...you didn’t bring me here to re-organise your bedroom...”

“No I didn’t, but you are welcome to make any recommendations at a later date. Right now...” he declared, pulling her against him, “...I would like to kiss you, _if_ you can focus your attention for a few minutes,” he scolded, smiling.

“Cullen, you have my full and un...mm.” She didn’t get to finish the sentence as Cullen had lifted her face in his hands and was kissing her.

For a moment, she couldn’t work out what to with her hands and ended up placing them on his sides. His very firm and muscular sides. True she’d seen his body in Haven, but had never managed to get her hands on it like this before. Kai slid her hands inside his tunic, over his shirt. That simply made her want to get them under his shirt and she proceeded to try to...

Cullen broke the kiss. “I suspect I have your attention now,” he noted, glancing at her hands struggling to push inside the sides of his breeches.

“I was just...” she began, her hands still there.

“Yes?” he stared at her. 

“...curious.” she smiled.

“About?” he smiled back at her.

“How firm you feel,” she answered, seeing his eyebrows shoot upwards. “Ugh...that came out badly. I meant...I wanted to get my hands inside your shirt.”

Cullen shook his head. “Why didn’t you just ask?” Cullen removed her hands and took off his tunic and shirt. 

“Well, that’s impressive,” she complimented. “I never got a good look before. Maker, all the scars you have...” she moved to place her hand on his chest, but he grabbed hold of it.

Kai stared at him perplexed. 

“An item for an item,” he smirked, “surely that’s only fair?”

“You just made that up,” she objected.

“Perhaps I did. Trying to get you to focus is challenging enough,” he groaned.

“Alright, I’ll play,” she answered, cocking her head and grinning. Kai took off her tunic and boots. “And I’ll raise you two items,” she added, removing her leggings and socks. “Your call, Cullen. I understood you liked a challenge.”

“You are the most impossible woman I have met,” he said rolling his eyes. Kai watched as his boots and socks came off. But he was smiling.

“Probably. But you knew what you were getting,” she asserted.

“That is true,” he conceded. “So what now? You have the advantage here. My last two items to your three.” He was smirking again.

“Not really, we’re two each,” she confirmed, watching his brows furrow quizzically as he stared at her in shirt and smalls. She saw the realisation suddenly come.

“Don’t you ever wear a breastband?” he asked pointedly, folding his arms across his chest.

Kai paused, observing him. “How did you know?” she quizzed, catching a faint blush appear on his cheeks, and his hand reach for the back of his neck. “Cullen?” she pressed him, smiling.

“After Haven, when you were unconscious. You shuffled your covers off and well...” he admitted.

“And you just noticed in passing...?”

“Yes, alright. I noticed,” he sighed. 

“I apologise, I shouldn’t have taunted you. I have to admit, it was all I could do not to gawk at you back in Haven,” Kai confessed. She glanced quickly downward and then up again to emphasise her point.

“Really?” he asked, suddenly less bashful. “Curious, I take it?”

“Maybe,” Kai smirked. “So last two items together?”

“Together,” he agreed.

Kai removed her shirt and smalls, as Cullen took off his breeches and smalls, both of them standing naked and grinning. He was so beautiful, every last bit of him. As she stepped up to him, she saw him turn and pick up something.

As he turned back, she noticed what it was, her necklace. Cullen motioned for her face forward.

“This time, _I’m_ giving you the coin,” he whispered as did up the clasp, before resting his hands on her shoulders, and moving her to face him.

“Thank you,” Kai smiled gently, as he brushed her face with his hand. “Can we get into bed now, I’m catching cold here.” she pleaded.

Cullen nodded and Kai dived under the bedclothes, followed swiftly by Cullen. She shuffled into his embrace.

He kissed her. “Being with you is certainly unusual. I’ve never gone through a preamble such as this before,” he declared.

“You started it, if I recall,” she reminded, watching him smile. “Anyway, no one said seduction and sex couldn’t be fun. It doesn’t have to be serious.” Kai traced her finger over the scar above his lip before kissing it.

“I suppose not. We’re not exactly strangers, are we?” he replied. She saw him peer at her left cheek, then reach out to caress it. “It did scar. Does it bother you?” he inquired.

“No, I like it. Adds character,” she asserted. “I like scars, they’re rather...beguiling.” 

Kai brushed her hand across his chest, then following it with her lips as she started kissing his scars. She raised herself up more and he lay back on his elbows, watching her. When she came to his nipples, she tongued them gently, hearing a slight moan. Something to remember, she thought. As she kissed and licked her way down his torso, he shuffled up slightly. 

“Kai, you don’t have to...” he started to say before she shushed him.

“I want to. Call me...”

“Curious?” he suggested, smirking.

That smirk. It triggered a flash of heat inside her, boosting what was already there.

“Curious,” she echoed, smirking back. “Now, unless there was something else...?” she inquired, taking hold of his erection and stroking him.

“No,” came out weakly and then a grunt as he settled back. Cullen was obviously a grunter.

As much as Leliana liked to tease Kai about sleeping with people, there hadn’t been that many. And she had learnt enough from those she had. She shifted the blanket, and positioned herself, so he could see. Even though she wasn’t looking at him, she could feel him staring. She deliberately took the whole length of him into her mouth, before closing her lips over him, hearing a faint “Maker” tumble from his lips. She smiled slightly.

With one hand wrapped around the base of his cock, she slowly moved her mouth up and down, gripping with her lips, and dragging her tongue over the shaft as she worked. His breathing became heavier, and as she picked up her pace, the grunts came. Small and quiet at first, then picking up in volume as his arousal got stronger. She sensed him twitch and squeezed with her hand, pausing for a moment.

As he settled, she started again, ever so lightly grazing him with her teeth when she pulled upwards. She heard him mumble something, and thought perhaps she had hurt him, but the grunting became louder. This was the first time she’d known him so out of control and she loved it. The temptation to straddle him there and then was powerful, but she eased it back. She could wait, knowing her turn would come. 

Kai wanted to look, she wanted to see him, so replacing her mouth with her hand for a moment whilst flicking her tongue around the tip of his cock, she risked a glance. He was flat on his back, his forearm across his eyes, his mouth open. Kai took him back into her mouth, feeling him buck up. It was unexpected, and she had to adjust quickly so as not to gag. Cullen was certainly formidable in size.

As she began, she felt another twitch, and gripped the base of his cock again, pausing.

“Don’t stop,” he urged heatedly.

Kai let her grip loosen, still holding him. Now she employed both her mouth and her hand, sucking harder and stroking him as her mouth moved upwards. It was no more than a few minutes before she felt him come, warm fluid in her mouth as his hips jerked and cock twitched, the grunt longer this time. She waited until he quietened before lifting her head away and swallowing. As she sat up, she could see Cullen’s chest rising and falling from the deep breaths he took. 

She crept back up the bed and noticed his face and chest flushed from the orgasm. She grinned and kissed him before wriggling under his arm.

“Curiosity sated,” she announced, with a mirthful tone.

“Not the only thing...” she heard him say, his voice quiet. 

“Rest a little, we have time,” she replied gently, stroking her hand across his chest. She began to hum softly and shortly heard his breathing shift into a rhythmic pattern. Hoisting herself up, she could see he was dozing. 

She would let him sleep a while, she could wait for her turn. It had taken them this long to get together, there was no hurry. Kai altered her position so she could watch him.

“I love you, Cullen,” she whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Kai spend the night in Cullen's loft.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW, with humour. Plus a bit of dialogue from the game (teasing Cullen at the War Table)  
> .  
> .  
> 

Cullen opened his eyes and stared up, seeing darkness and stars through the hole in his roof. Still night time, he thought. As he glanced down, he was greeted by a head of white blonde hair resting on the side of his chest. He smiled. Evidently he wasn’t the only one who had fallen asleep. The last thing he remembered was Kai humming, the sound and vibrations feeling soothing. Cullen had no idea how long he’d slept, but it was a good sleep.

Kai was curled up, wrapped in part of the blanket. He decided to move her into a more comfortable position and release his arm which was trapped between the two of them. As he extracted it, the action woke her, and she sat up.

She blinked for a few seconds before she recognised him. Kai’s smile lit up her face.

“I guess I might have fallen asleep,” she declared, drowsily.

“Not before you sent me to sleep,” he responded, smiling. “You should have woken me.”

“I would have, but I suspect your snoring made me drift off. It had a musical pattern to it.” 

“A musical...?” he frowned. 

“Yes, it had all of its own little...” A fit of giggles stopped Kai mid sentence as she saw his face.

Cullen shook his head and sat up, grabbing her, drawing her to him, forcing out an ‘ooo’ and more giggles. He shifted her onto her back and leant over her.

“You are incorrigible,” he announced, sighing.

“I thought I was impossible?” she queried, lifting an eyebrow, now grinning. 

“That too, trying to pin you down is pointless. I give up,” he chided.

Cullen caught her grin shift, as she chewed her bottom lip. When Kai looked into his eyes, her casual tone morphed into a teasing one. “Cullen...I would suggest you already have me pinned down. Question is...what’s your next move?” 

He guessed where this was leading to. As he smirked at her, her gaze fell onto his mouth and a slight sigh escaped from her lips. Cullen recalled her blurting out his smirk had unintended effects. He leant down to kiss her, and Kai curled her fingers into his hair, bringing him to her. This kiss was more intense, passionate. He felt himself harden again as she moaned gently, dragging his mouth tightly against hers.

He couldn’t blame her, she had placed her owns needs aside for him. He broke away, now kissing along her jaw and down her neck, and sensed her body shiver. He smiled, and then heard...

“You invariably have a plan?” Kai questioned, her voice breathy. 

“I absolutely have a plan,” Cullen confirmed, feeling her hum as he talked, his mouth pressed against her neck, his voice echoing into her. 

She sighed. “I knew there was a reason I loved you.”

Cullen drew back. “How many reasons do you need?” he questioned.

“Oh...I don’t need them, you just keep producing them,” she explained. “Totally unasked and unprompted.”

“Are you planning to chatter all the way through?” he challenged, peering up at her.

“That depends,” she smiled. 

He gave a resigned sigh. “Alright, on what?”

“How effectively you can keep me quiet,” Kai teased with a cheeky grin.

“Is that a challenge?” he inquired, smirking.

This time there were no jokes. Just a sigh and a smile. 

Cullen kissed and bit gently on her neck, hearing sharp intakes of breath as she trembled underneath him. 

He moved down her body, kissing, gently biting and drawing his tongue over her, hearing the deep breaths become soft moans of anticipation. Her hand would touch his head, threading her fingers through his hair and then pull away again. He moved between her legs, and stroking his hand up the inside of her thigh, slipped his fingers into her, feeling her push onto him. 

Then laying his mouth on her he licked and sucked, eliciting loud gasps as her body shuddered. He put his palm on her stomach to gently hold her still. Her breathing became more rapid, with gasps and moans blending together. He felt her muscles clench, and she let out a scream as her hips pushed up off the bed.

As she settled back down, he moved, pressing himself between her legs.

Cullen murmured in her ear. “I want to...” but Kai interrupted him. 

“You don’t need to ask, Cullen. Asking is for strangers,” she whispered breathlessly back.

He kissed her, sheathing himself in her, a groan falling from his mouth as a moan fell from hers. As he thrust into her over and over again, Kai’s hands clutched at his back, her fingers pressing into his skin. He felt her hands slide down forcing him deeper into her. As he pushed harder and faster, her body arched up to meet him on each stroke. His heart was racing hard now, the blood pounding in his head. He sensed she was close, her breathing heavier and her moans louder. Then, as her muscles contracted hard onto him and she screamed loudly, he couldn’t hold back. His body shuddered as he emptied inside her.

He leant on his elbows and buried his face into her neck, heavy breaths fanning over her. Her hands caressed his back gently, and she tucked her legs over his.

“Don’t move just yet,” Kai urged. “I’ll feel empty without you.”

It was such an honest, heartfelt appeal, and he understood what she meant. He felt the same.

“I won’t,” Cullen acknowledged, kissing her neck.

They remained together for a few minutes before he glanced at her and saw the nod in reply. He pulled away and settled beside her, drawing her into his embrace. Kai took his hand. Neither of them spoke, they didn’t need to. They just lay there together.

As he held her, he could sense her thumb rubbing his palm gently, and smiled. It was reassuring. But if she started humming again, he would definitely stop her. He needed to rest a little, but not sleep just yet. 

“Cullen...” she drawled.

“Yes, Kai” he acknowledged, wondering what was coming now.

“Do you have any of those sweets left?” she requested. “I have a hankering for one, right now,” she sighed.

“On the bedside table, I think there’s a few left in that box, but I’ve more downstairs.” 

Kai reached over and seized the box. He shook his head, watching the childlike grin on her face as she opened it. Her expression was the same as in his tent, the simple excitement and delight. Cullen had to remind himself this was the Inquisitor sitting there, slayer of demons, dragons, Red Templars; saviour of the people of Haven; negotiator and...

“One for you,” she insisted, presenting him one. He sat up, opening his mouth, and she popped it in.

“One for me,” she added, placing another in her mouth.

The image crumbled, and Cullen practically choked on the sweet as he laughed.

“So, what’s tickled you?” she inquired, rubbing his back, waiting for the coughing to stop.

“If anyone saw the Inquisitor now, they may question your formidable image,” he eventually explained, once he could talk again. “Sitting there naked, drooling over a box of sweets.”

Kai rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t drooling, merely savouring the thought.”

“Looked like drooling to me,” he teased.

Kai peered at him, then pulled the box against her. “So Cullen, I take it you didn’t want any more sweets?” she taunted, smirking.

“So that’s how it is? You reorganise my life, try to reorganise my bedroom, then requisition my sweets? Is there no end to it?” Cullen shook his head, glancing down.

He caught her incline her head, observing him, still smirking. He didn’t see her take out another sweet and eat it. What he did hear was the moan, deliberately accentuated.

He felt his cock twitch when he heard it and looked up at her. She was grinning, noticing precisely the effect it had on him. She took out another sweet from the box.

“Last one...” she waved the sweet.

Kai put it into her mouth, but didn’t bite. Putting the box down, she crept over to him, and pressed her mouth against his. As Cullen opened his mouth, she pushed her tongue in, passing on the sweet. There was something sensual about the way she did it. She broke away and stared as he ate it, waiting until he finished.

“I only requisitioned your sweets, Cullen. You requisitioned me,” she announced, gazing at him.

“Well, someone had to take you in hand,” he retorted, smiling, seeing a broad grin appear, and then seeing her laugh.

Her laughter was unfettered, rich and melodious, and he thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d known. All of her, every bit of her, and Maker, she made him feel good. Cullen reached for her, but she dodged his grasp, still laughing.

“Oh no, you’re not getting me that easily.” Kai wagged her finger at him.

He crawled after her as she backed away, up the bed, until he had her pinned against the headboard. Or thought he had. She ducked down and scrambled away. Cullen caught her foot, holding onto it, and worked his way up her body holding on as he did, until he was sitting astride her, and they faced each other.

“Surrender,” he ordered, smirking at her.

“That’s cheating,” she insisted, staring at his mouth. 

“Perhaps an unfair advantage...” he conceded.

“I think I can even the odds,” she grinned, and proceeded to ghost her fingers along his sides, tickling him.

“Hey,” he protested, flinching. He grabbed her forearms, holding them away from his sides.

“Well, it looks like we have an impasse,” she asserted, looking at him. He could see how dark her eyes were, the green in them now just a circle around the edge.

He let go of her arms and bent down, his lips brushing hers. “What do you say to both of us breaking it together?” Cullen hinted.

“Let’s...” Kai whispered back, 

She kissed him, her arms holding onto his back, tugging him against her. He could feel her breasts pushing into him, and his erection pressed against her. As Kai broke away, she glanced at him.

“Shame to let it go to waste,” she teased, as he smirked back.

Cullen didn’t need to be told twice. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

When Cullen woke up in the morning, Kai was perching on the edge of the bed, in shirt and smalls, getting dressed.

“Good morning,” he said, watching her turn and smile.

“Morning. I was going to wake you before I left,” she replied. “I have to go and prepare for tomorrow, and we have a briefing later. Don’t forget.”

Cullen couldn’t resist, he dragged her backward onto the bed and kissed her. As he broke away, he caressed her cheek. 

“So, tonight?” he queried, checking.

“Yes, tonight. My place, with a warm fire and food, and whatever else you can think of...” Kai kissed him. “...as well as more sex obviously.”

“I never asked...do you play chess?” he inquired.

“I’m not too bad if I say so myself,” she grinned.

“I call that a challenge,” Cullen said raising an eyebrow. “I’ll bring a board and pieces. We’ll see how good you are.”

“Bring some bandages...for when you pick up a pasting,” Kai taunted, getting off the bed.

Cullen leant forward and slapped her bottom.

“Hey!” she called out, twisting around.

“I didn’t hear you objecting last night,” he retorted, seeing her rolling her eyes.

“True, but I hardly need to be standing talking to Blackwall about the Wardens, with my lady bits burning, do I?” she admonished.

“Your what?!” he exclaimed.

“It’s Sera’s expression, lady bits,” she answered.

“Forget I asked,” he sighed. “One question with you leads to information I’m not certain I needed to know.”

He could hear Kai sniggering. “I should inquire what she calls men’s...”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” he interrupted.

“Indeed I do,” she responded. 

Cullen watched as she finished dressing. Kai sat next to him and kissed him again.

“I love you,” she declared, stroking his cheek.

“I love you too,” he replied, cupping her hand.

“Later,” she waved before going down the ladder. Cullen waited, smiling, as he heard her rattle the doorknob.

“Cullen...keys please,” she shouted up.

He threw down the keys to her. “Leave them on the desk,” he instructed.

“Will do.”

He heard her unlock the door and actually remember to leave the keys behind. Which reminded him, she never had returned his sharpening stone. Luckily he had managed to get another. It was invariably the small things that she missed or overlooked, he thought.

\------------------------------------------------------

As Cullen entered the War Room, Leliana and Josephine were already there. He was prepared to deal with any jokes or teasing after he left the tavern with Kai last night.

“Good morning Commander,” Josephine greeted him, with a nod.

“Good morning, Ambassador,” he acknowledged nodding.

“Good morning, Cullen,” added Leliana.

“Good morning, Leliana,” he answered.

And there was nothing else. He wasn’t sure whether to be reassured or whether to worry. Before he could ponder about it further, the Inquisitor turned up.

“Inquisitor we...” he began.

“...were eagerly awaiting your presence, some of us more than others,” interrupted Leliana.

“I wasn’t...I mean I was...we have work to do,” he stumbled.

“Of course,” grinned Leliana.

Cullen could hear the soft sniggers. The Inquisitor was attempting not to smirk before she collected herself. 

“Good morning all. I am happy to see you too. Now shall we go ahead...” 

It could have been worse, he realised. He appreciated what his fellow Advisors were capable of.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day before the march on Adamant.
> 
> Kai and Cullen finally see each other after a few weeks. He has been organising the preparations for Adamant, whilst Kai remained in the Western Approach organising resources for Griffon Wing Keep and clearing threats for the army's arrival.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW  
> .  
> .

Arriving at Griffon Wing Keep, Cullen was grateful to finally reach it. The journey had been a lengthy one with so many wagons carrying the trebuchets for the assault on Adamant. He used some of the rangers to scout out the state of the fortress, to give them an indication of how much firepower was needed. From the intelligence gathered it seemed likely the trebuchets would be enough; they wouldn’t require sappers to undermine the walls.

Although Adamant had stood since the second age, in recent times it was rarely in use and parts had fallen into decay. That would make it easier to breach. The large battering ram they had bought should be able to bring down the heavy doors guarding the entrance. He didn’t like any of what they had found out. Blood magic again, this time from Wardens, the people Thedas had looked upon as saviours. Two of who had saved him from the very same thing.

It would take the rest of the day to assemble and calibrate them, before the journey onward to Adamant. Moving them across the sand would be slow and probably take them the best part of the following day. But right now he needed to catch up with Rylen and speak to the Inquisitor. They needed to finalise the plan of attack and he needed to know what changes, if any, there had been since the last report they sent.

Finding out where Rylen was, Cullen headed to the top of the fortress. The Keep was still being rebuilt and modified, another place that had been abandoned to the elements. 

Rylen spotted him and came over. “Commander, good to see you again. How was the journey?” he asked smiling.

“Tortuous. You look well for a man stuck in this barren wasteland,” Cullen joked. Better than how he felt for sure.

“It’s not so bad now we’re set up with resources, and immediate threats dealt with. The Inquisitor isn’t one to sit on her hands, is she?” Rylen replied, with a look of admiration.

“No, she’s definitely hands on,” Cullen answered knowingly, remembering her reorganising him with a plan. 

A plan that had crumbled when Rylen was sent to the Approach, as well his best junior officer to the same. Tamsin was an ideal choice to carry out logistics here, managing the building works the Inquisitor had requested. But it had left him short-handed, and Cullen had clawed back some of their duties. With that and the planning for Adamant, more of his day was taken up with work. 

The breaks had slipped, at first just missing one, and then both as he worked harder. If it wasn’t for the fact he had food bought to him at least twice a day, he would have fallen on keeping himself well fed. He knew where that order had come from. She never said, but he knew it was Kai’s doing. The headaches returned in frequency with the increased pressure and lack of rest. If it wasn’t for the potions he now used, they would have a greater impact than they did, the potions helped keep the worst of the pain at bay.

“Speaking of which, where is the Inquisitor? The gate guard said she was out,” Cullen inquired. 

“She’s at the other end of the Approach with the Professor. They’ve gone to bait the Abyssal High Dragon. I understand that’s the official name for it. He wanted to study its behaviour,” Rylen replied, watching Cullen’s face darken.

“They’ve gone bait a dragon?!” Cullen said, a little too vehemently, his hand at the back of his neck. “Maker’s breath!”

Hands on wasn’t the term he would have used right now. Irresponsible, impetuous and plain stupid were more appropriate. It wasn’t enough she personally went to clear out darkspawn, varghasts and bandits, not to mention taking on Venatori, but now studying a blasted dragon too? 

He should have insisted she come back to Skyhold after securing the Keep, but she wanted to stay on and help set up for their arrival. ‘Be careful’ he’d asked her, ‘of course’ she’d replied. No wonder her personal letters were cagey about how much she’d done. He had to read the reports to find out exactly what was going on.

Cullen absolutely planned to have words with her now.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“More ice, Dorian!” Kai screamed. “Freeze its head!” 

The dragon was down and nearly gone, but thrashing around. Kai saw Dorian’s glare as he spun his staff with a flourish, spitting out the ice magic at the dragon’s head. Cassandra and Bull were hacking away at its chest trying to break deeper into the armour, but the dragon was swatting at them with its front foot. Seeing the head was moving less, Kai leapt up onto the dragon, and ran up its neck to the head. She could feel the cold through her boots as she climbed up and sunk her blades through the part of the skull with the least armouring. 

A few tremors later, it was dead, a final exhale of hot breath leaving the cavernous mouth. Their intention had been to tempt the dragon in for Frederic to study it, but of course it had other ideas. As Kai climbed down, she saw Bull pull out a dagger, busying himself in the dragon’s mouth. She had an idea what he was after, one of its teeth. As she walked over to him, he turned.

“Boss, you are the best,” he grinned.

“You may think so, but your kadan is a little pissed off right now. This may be your idea of fun, but I don’t think it’s his,” she replied quietly.

“Ach, he’ll get over it. He doesn’t stay annoyed for long.” Bull winked. 

Kai looked around to see Cassandra with a slight smile as she cleaned her sword. “That last burst of fire nearly roasted us, but...” she said.

“And you said you felt no great calling?” Kai questioned, smiling at her.

“I don’t as such, but what’s the alternative if it attacks,” she answered, setting her shield onto her back. “I have to admit, it does get the blood pumping.”

“I knew it!” yelled Bull, getting up, his prize finally claimed.

Bull had always felt there was a dragon hunter inside Cassandra, but she’d denied it. Two dragons later, and her refusal was becoming had to reconcile with the facts.

“Can we go back to our hovel now? I’m covered in dragon blood here and sorely in need of a drink. If there is anything left worth drinking in this Maker forsaken place,” Dorian complained. 

He was the most reluctant of them when it came to dragons. And hated being stuck in the Approach. Kai thought if it hadn’t been for Bull, he may have insisted on returning to Skyhold.

Before Kai could reply, Frederic appeared.

“That was wonderful; few academics I know have ever seen such a battle. Her aggressive posturing, the way she attacked, simply wonderful. I was too far away to see her as clearly as you did. I don’t suppose you were able to take some notes...” he trailed off as the four of them faced him, incredulous at the absurdity of the question.

“Perhaps not,” he replied. “But I would very much like to interview you all, at a suitable time of course.”

“Come back with us to Skyhold, I’m sure we can arrange something. You could join the Inquisition, we have access to numerous resources at other universities,” Kai offered. It was a half truth, they had some access, but Kai banked on her Ambassador’s velvet tongue to fill any gaps.

“Wonderful!” he enthused. “This monograph will be my finest work.”

As they all mounted and set off for the Keep, Kai noticed she was not only spattered with blood, but dragon brains, as well as a bit of blackening on her armour. She probably needed to clean up too. 

Cullen was due to arrive sometime today, and she was excited to see him again. But also, she needed to speak with him. His letters had got gradually shorter and shorter over time, and she worried what that might mean. With Rylen and Tamsin here, it took two of his best away, and knowing him, the temptation to take over some of their duties would be strong. 

She sighed. Cullen wasn’t a man to sit back, he had to be in the thick of it, had to be aware of all the details. He would rather he was in charge of a task and ensure it was done well, than risk a half-hearted attempt from someone else. Admirable qualities, but not necessarily the best ones for someone in the middle of withdrawal. And if he pushed himself too hard, that withdrawal would be longer and more difficult to maintain.

Approaching the Keep, Kai could see wagons parked outside, and soldiers unloading trebuchets sections. Cullen was already here. Her heart lifted and she smiled. As they dismounted, she heard Dorian.

“Someone’s going to have fun tonight. After weeks pining for her strapping Templar, finally he arrives,” he taunted.

“Fuck off, Dorian,” Kai smiled.

“You, my dear, have been hanging around the troops too long, picking up a barrack room mouth.” He shook his head in mock disgust. “I do hope you’ll at least keep the noise level down this time.”

That night in Cullen’s loft, she hadn’t been aware how loud she’d been. Dorian swore blind they could hear her as they passed under Cullen’s tower. What they were doing out there, he’d refused to say. 

“I refer you to my previous answer,” she replied, grabbing her saddlebag. “Besides, sex is a great tension reliever. Well, it seems to work for you.” Kai winked and wandered off.

“Always with an answer that one,” Dorian muttered as Bull laughed.

Kai saw Tamsin directing the work with the trebuchets. Cullen would be pleased to have her back, she was smart and level-headed, and Kai figured she wouldn’t stay long as a junior officer. 

“Tamsin, where’s the Commander?” she asked.

“With Knight-Captain Rylen, I believe he wanted to discuss plans for the march tomorrow,” Tamsin replied, keeping one eye on the work, another on her instructions.

“Thank you,” Kai acknowledged. 

She found one of the messengers and sent a message to Cullen to say she was back, and could he come and see her in her quarters when he was available. Well, her quarters being an alcove in the keep, the door being a piece of canvas. She did have her own cot, table and chair though. It certainly afforded her some privacy, and right now she needed a wash and change of clothes.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen was on his way to see the Inquisitor, determined to have it out with her. Taking on all these dangers; they had troops and rangers for this sort of work. And scouts to carry out investigations. But she had to be there, handling it all herself. Sometimes, he had to try and remember this woman was an ambassador before. He certainly couldn’t imagine Josephine ploughing in the way Kai did. For sure he didn’t want Kai to be ploughing in the way she did either, not for every little problem.

In his haste, and exasperation with her, he barged in, but before he could utter a word, the sight before him stopped him dead. She had her back to him, washing, naked but for her smalls. She turned startled at first, until she saw it was him. 

“Andraste’s arse, can’t you knock or something. You scared me half to death,” she chided, turning back.

“You don’t have a door,” was all he could come out with. 

Her curves were a little firmer now, but Maker, she was still so beautiful. Cullen was struggling to maintain control. The anger he came in with was altering into something else, and before he could stop himself, he was behind her, his face buried in her neck, kissing her. When he heard her gasp, he tugged off his gloves, one hand now firmly on her breast, the other slipping down beneath her smalls. She leaned back into him, and he heard her moan as his fingers teased her. 

She smelt of sand, sweat and sandalwood from the soap, but he didn’t care. All he wanted right then was to bury himself inside her, to feel better, to forget the tension. He wanted the comfort she gave him before leaving those weeks ago. He just needed her so badly he physically hurt from the need. 

The speed with which Cullen was on her made Kai drop her washcloth. His fingers arousing her, his hand playing with her breast. The flash of heat was so sudden, so deep inside she leant against him for support. His armour cold against her back, the his mane tickling her skin. The kissing now turned into soft bites, and any resistance she may have had slid away.

His hands still where they were, he walked her over to the table, and only then did he let go, pushing her down onto it. He tugged off her smalls, falling now onto the floor. She heard the rustling of his laces and breeches, and then her legs were pushed apart and he was inside her. It hurt, and she bit down on her hand to stop the yelp. They had only spent two nights together, but he had never been this forceful.

The urgency and ferocity with which he was taking her, she could feel the tension building inside. Her hand was still in her mouth to stop noise getting out. She didn’t mind, but somehow it seemed opposite to what she known with him before. At this pace and level of intensity, he wouldn’t last long and he didn’t, his hips driving against her buttocks as he came, a hushed grunt being the only sound he had made. 

Kai was rarely speechless, but this was one of those occasions. Before she could form her thoughts into some coherency, Cullen spoke.

“Maker, what have I... forgive me,” his voice a mixture of shame and embarrassment. Kai could hear clothes rustling again.

She heard the sound of his boots on the stone floor and the flap opening before falling back. As she raised herself from the table, she saw her smalls on the floor, one side ripped. In that moment, she knew two things for certain. 

First, there was something wrong with Cullen. If he felt guilty for what just happened it meant he’d lost control. It didn’t bother her, except for the ache between her legs and that was easily dealt with. What concerned Kai was what had happened back at Skyhold while she was in the Approach. Kai remembered the letter from his sister, the one she sneaked a look at on his desk, urging him to look after himself. Obviously this tendency to neglect his own needs wasn’t anything new. And she was fairly sure this is what occurred in these last weeks. 

Second, she only had one pair of smalls left here and those barely held up. When they came here, it wasn’t with much of a wardrobe. Well, if Cassandra could go without under her armour, so could she. At some point she would inform him he was definitely buying her a new pair, personally. But now was not the time. 

She needed to talk to him, the concern wasn’t just them, but could he handle the assault on Adamant, with all the worst things for him waiting there. Kai slung on some clothes and went to look for Cullen.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen was at the back of the Keep, out of sight he hoped, leaning on the wall looking out at the Abyssal Rift. He needed to be alone, to try and understand what he had just done. How could he have had so little restraint, and how bad had the desperation for comfort been for him to behave like that? And he had just walked out with a lame apology. She might not forgive him, but he had to apologise properly, when he could face her. He didn’t have Kai’s gift for words, and what he had to say better be...

“Cullen?” Kai asked gently.

She was standing right next to him; he’d not heard her approach as he was so deep in his own thoughts. Cullen looked ahead, unwilling to see her expression. Her voice was too soft, too caring and he didn’t deserve that. But he had to say something.

“I shouldn’t have done what I did, it was wrong of me. I understand if you can’t excuse it.” His voice faltered as he spoke, the shame bleeding in.

“What’s wrong, Cullen?” was all she said, still so gentle. Not, how could you, or what on earth were you doing. 

He saw her hand reach for his arm, but he pulled away before she could rest it there. When she spoke next, her voice was firmer.

“I told you, you don’t need to ask. I told you, I would give you everything I am,” she reminded him.

She had said that, but it was no excuse for his behaviour.

“Not asking is not the same as just taking,” he replied, his voice harsher now. He was becoming angry, at himself, but also her for being so...calm and understanding.

Her tone became insistent. “Cullen, what happened while I was away? Have you been taking care...” 

He interrupted “I’m fine,” he snapped, the irritation showing.

“That wasn’t the question, Commander,” came the response. 

From the authoritative tone in her voice, Cullen realised he was no longer talking to Kai, but the Inquisitor. As he turned, her expression said one thing, you will answer me. 

“If you’re worried about me, don’t be. I am perfectly capable of fulfilling my duties,” he responded as he would as Commander, his face set. There was no personal emotion now. “If there is nothing further...I should return to those duties.”

Her eyes searched his for a moment before she answered. “If that’s what you want...”

Cullen walked away. He thought he heard her mumble something, but was too faint to catch. What he did hear was a grunt, and then glass breaking below. As he glanced back, she was preparing to throw a bottle over the wall. He hadn’t noticed, but there was a whole row of them against the wall behind where he’d stood. Her face was angry.

He turned around and continued moving. He was angry, with himself, but with her too. He understood she was perfectly within the rights of her role to question his abilities. He just hated that she’d done that, pulled rank just because she cared, and that he had forced her to. 

Kai was about to lob her third bottle over the wall, when a hand grabbed her arm. She looked around to see Bull standing there. He watched her carefully.

“It won’t help and you’ll never reach the Rift from here,” he said quietly.

He let go, and Kai put the bottle back. She guessed he’d heard the conversation, and she knew why. She just hadn’t noticed him standing above, so focused was she on finding Cullen. 

“Ogling Dorian again, were you?” she asked.

“I just like watching him in the washroom, what can I say? The man has an amazing body, as well being quite sweet under all that bluster,” he admitted smiling.

“Yes, well, at least you two have worked it out. I did try explaining...to that...stubborn Ferelden...that I was fine with what...ugh...he won’t listen,” she groaned. 

“Give him time, he needs to calm down, as do you,” Bull advised with the same relaxed tone. “Then talk to him.”

Leliana had said the same thing to her, in a completely different circumstance. Cullen had got under her skin again. Bull was right, just as Leliana had been right. Kai sighed heavily.

“Just a word of advice, he’s a grown man, don’t fuss over him as if he’s a child. Just listen to him, and explain what you feel,” he pointed out. 

Kai’s shoulders slumped and she groaned again. “I know you’re right. You usually are,” she replied reluctantly. She leaned on the wall looking out, the same pose Cullen had when she found him.

“You can’t fix everything and make it all better. Sometimes, things just have to mend on their own. All you can do is be there, or not, if need be.” Bull’s voice was gentle now, as he leant beside her. “If you make him too dependent on you, you’re just replacing one addiction with another.”

“How did you...?” she began, then realising. “I forget sometimes. It’s the doing it without people realising you’re doing it...thing.”

“That was surprisingly ineloquent for you,” Bull noted, smiling at her.

“I had a trying day, excuse me for reverting to simplistic terms,” she retorted huffing.

“Now that’s more like you,” he laughed.

“Oh fuck off now,” she cursed. This was turning from a nice chat into a wind up.

“Dorian was right, a few weeks with your troops and see what happens,” he tutted, grinning. He leaned closer and whispered. “Maybe try it on Cullen though; it may bump you off that pedestal he’s got you on.”

Kai stared at Bull. “He hardly has me on a pedestal,” she objected. “He thinks I’m impossible, incorrigible and probably irresponsible after all we’ve done these last few weeks. He did ask me to be careful.” 

Bull stretched his neck, before looking back at her. “Well, we probably did more than was necessary, but I think it’s been good for you. Your skills are sharper; you’re certainly fitter and more confident with your role now you can prove you’re a fighter. That part always bothered you before I know. He hasn’t seen that change, remember that.”

Bull was right, again. Up until now, she hadn’t been as confident of her fighting skills, but did her best. Now it felt more natural, it flowed better.

“As for the pedestal, you intrigue him. I suspect...perhaps a bit of awe. You plough on where others may back away. Don’t forget most of his life had been planned, regimented, closed. In comes this woman, the complete opposite, open and unconventional, taking on all these challenges, driving through these decisions. I know you’re winging it most of the time, he may not always see it that way.” His face was serious, and when Bull was serious, she took notice.

Kai frowned, Cullen was the one person she didn’t want to see her as anything other than what she really was. It was still early on for them, and she wanted it as open as possible, no hiding, and no pretending. There had been enough misunderstandings already, enough incorrect assumptions. And they had to stop trying to protect each other, neither of them could foresee what would happen, all they could do was make the best of what they had.

Kai put her hand on Bull’s arm and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you,” she said gratefully, watching a warm smile in reply. She then whispered “Such a big softy under all that bravado.”

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t spread it around,” he responded, glancing away.

“Our secret, I promise,” she smiled.

As Kai left for her quarters, she saw Cullen heading outside the Keep, presumably to assess the progress with the trebuchets. It was then she had an idea. She just needed to wait a little while. She felt better after talking with Bull, but he needed a little more time to calm down.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen was busy with calibrating the trebuchets, when a messenger arrived.

“Commander, the Inquisitor has requested your presence,” she informed him.

Cullen sighed. He was calmer, but didn’t relish seeing her, their exchange had not been pleasant and he still felt bad for what had happened.

“Did she say when and what this is about?” he inquired.

“Now Ser, and she mentioned calibrations.”

He was confused. Why did she need to speak to him about the trebuchets? He decided it was better to get this over with, perhaps she just wanted a progress report. He could manage that.

“Fine, tell her I’m on my way,” he replied wearily, watching the messenger go back to the Keep.

He let Tamsin know where he was going and set off to see the Inquisitor.

This time he announced himself and waited to be called in.

“Cullen, thank you for coming,” she smiled. “I just wanted to check how the calibrations were going,” she asked. He noticed she was sitting on the table, playing with a small throwing knife, flicking it around in her hand.

“With Lieutenant Tamsin’s help, very well, quicker than I expected in fact. We should be finished by tonight and then ready for the march tomorrow,” he reported.

Cullen could see her still smiling, looking relaxed. 

“That’s impressive,” she replied, staring straight at him. 

The last time he heard those words was back in his loft, used now with exactly the same tone. She stabbed the blade into the table and hopped off, walking right up to him, hands behind her back. He wondered for a moment if she was going to try and pick up their conversation, something he really didn’t want to do.

“Cullen Rutherford, I accept your earlier apology and I forgive you. Now, I expect you to finish off the calibrations you left undone. You are not a man to leave a job half done, are you?” she inquired, completely straight faced.

For a moment, he wondered what she was...oh...this was not what he expected. She was completely serious, no condemnation, no questions about how he was.

“You want me to..?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Finish the job, or restart and finish it. I’m happy with either. I leave the choice up to you.” She stroked her finger down his breastplate, stopping at his belt before letting it linger there. “I will submit to your expertise. I know how good you are at...calibrating.”

He looked at her face closely. “You’re sure you want me to..?” he asked hesitantly. “I mean after..?”

“I’m sure some preliminary investigation will give you the answer you need, don’t you think.” She smiled now.

For the first time since earlier, he felt better. He smirked at Kai, saw the glance to his mouth and heard the sigh.

Seeing the smirk, she knew they’d got past it. Time for a proper greeting.

“Hello Cullen." 

“Hello Kai." 

He pulled her to him. “So, the message...why calibrations?”

She smirked. “I knew that would get you here, and I couldn’t very well say the Inquisitor wishes to fuck her Commander, now could I?”

Kai saw his eyebrows shoot up.”And what have you been learning?” he demanded.

“Just how to curse and how to fight. And I’m much better at both now,” she replied, putting her arms around him. “As to the rest, well, I missed you. Self calibrations aren’t quite the same,” she sighed.

“Self calibrations...?” he asked, before the realisation and an “Ohh,” came out.

For a moment, Kai thought she’d pushed the analogy a little too far as he just stood there. But then he grinned.

“You’ll have to show me later. Right now, we have something to restart and finish I believe?” he whispered.

As Cullen kissed her, she could feel his hands undoing the laces on her leggings. She smiled against his mouth feeling him smile back. Her hands reached for his breeches.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Adamant, the Inquisition rests at Griffon Wing before returning to Skyhold. Kai faces the fallout.  
> .  
> .

Kai watched the pyres blazing in the shadow of Adamant; the pungent smell of flesh being burnt away was so heavy it almost made her want to gag. All of them had dragged bodies from the fortress, including her. No one would be left to rot in that place. The Sisters were performing funeral rites for the dead, and she would remain until they were finished. She would honour their sacrifice, both her soldiers and the Wardens together. 

This was the true price of war, the cost in lives, men and women with families who would never see them again, all for the sake of a creature who craved to be a god. They had defeated Corypheus’ plan for a demon army and banished the Nightmare demon who controlled that army, but it didn’t feel like a victory. The only person who fought at Adamant who wouldn’t have a pyre was Stroud. Her decision had left him behind in the Fade, allowing her to escape with Hawke.

Another person she had condemned to death, or whatever dreadful fate awaited him stuck in the Fade. Another person added to the thousands who had died due to her action. She _was_ responsible for the explosion at the Conclave, with the simple act of picking up the orb knocked from Corypheus’ hand by the Divine. The Nightmare demon was correct, she was a fraud. 

Kai saw Hawke coming over to her. He’d remained to help before continuing on to Weisshaupt, to warn the Wardens there about Corypheus. That was his responsibility, he declared. She would miss him; he was the only other person who understood what it meant to have expectations heaped upon you.

“Still blaming yourself I see,” he said reprovingly.

“Who else’s action contributed to this?” she demanded sharply, indicating the scene before her. She stared at the Anchor. “This thing is a curse, not a blessing.”

“So you’d rather Corypheus had the Anchor instead of you?” he asked frowning.

“No, of course not, I’ve seen what that would lead to. Hawke, stop being awkward, you know what I mean,” she grumbled.

“Well, stop being so self pitying! Maker, there’s enough for you to do without breaking down over a crisis of conscience now. Like it or not, you have to carry on.” He was reproaching her, and he was right to do so.

“You’re right,” she conceded with a nervous smile. “You’re still an arse though.”

“As you keep saying. Strange how easy it is to recognise traits in others that one holds themselves,” he retorted, a slight smile on his lips.

“Well, if we’re finished with this mutual appreciation, I take it you’ve come to say goodbye,” she responded, walking over to him.

“Yes,” he replied. “I have just one favour to ask, take care of Varric for me.”

“I promise,” Kai affirmed. “And you be careful up there,” she insisted.

As he hugged her, Hawke whispered in her ear, “Stay strong, Kai.” He then left and she watched him walk away.

‘Stay strong’ was what he’d shouted at her when they confronted the Nightmare demon. It looked like a grotesque, monstrous spider and she froze in fear. Kai hated spiders, and this thing had freaked her out. His words had shattered the hold, and she then managed to fight.

As Hawke mounted his horse and disappeared, she noticed Cassandra and Cullen in a heated exchange. She didn’t go over to them; her presence would just inflame it. One or both of them would invariably find her later, and she would handle whatever it was when they were a little cooler headed. Fear and anger again she thought. She previously had a row with Cassandra because she allowed the Wardens to remain, and even invited them to help the Inquisition. An alliance, but under her direction. With Clarel dead and Stroud gone, they had no ranking officers.

‘Giving second chances again’ was the accusation Cassandra had levelled at her, and it was true. Kai wouldn’t condemn them over the mistaken judgment of one woman, a judgment they were coerced into making by deception. Clarel reminded her of Loghain. Someone so focused, perhaps even obsessed, with their duty, they couldn’t perceive the destruction they would unleash. Not until it was almost too late.

The Sisters were finished and Kai saw Cullen readying the army to march back to Griffon Wing. They would rest there before the long road back to Skyhold. Everyone was fatigued, but no one wished to remain here any longer than needed. Kai sighed heavily and went to locate her horse.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Someone was shaking her, calling her.

“Inquisitor!”

Opening her eyes, Kai saw she’d fallen asleep at her table, head resting on the report she’d been struggling to write. Still drowsy, she looked around to see Cassandra standing there. 

“Yes, Cassandra. Was there something you wanted?” she inquired, rubbing her eyes and coming to. 

Cassandra sat down on the cot, looking stern. Kai waited for her to speak. She learned not to joke when Cassandra was in this sort of mood. 

“There are matters I wish to discuss with you,” she said glancing at Kai. 

“I’m listening,” Kai replied. Was this the Wardens again, she thought. She hoped they’d put that one to bed.

“Firstly, you should be aware that Cullen has asked me to find a replacement for him. He thinks that he cannot continue to give his best without taking lyrium again. But he vowed he would not remain tied to that life. In his present state of mind he sees no other alternative but to step down.”

Kai could see the strain on his face at Adamant, but he battled through it performing admirably, organising the siege and the army. But at what personal cost? She didn’t want him to step down, but she was too tied to him emotionally to make an impartial judgement, she needed Cassandra’s opinion. 

“What do you think? You’re the one who was to watch him. Do you think he can cope?” she inquired.

Cassandra was reassuring in her answer. “Yes, I do and have told him so. If anyone can do this, he can. He has come so far, to give up now I believe would destroy him. But he’s stubborn and won’t listen to me. We’re too alike; it ended up as...an argument. You may be able to talk to him, convince him. You should be aware that he was hesitant for you to know, he feels he is letting you down after the encouragement you gave him.”

“I’ll talk with him,” Kai replied, watching Cassandra nod in response.

She had to see for herself first, but was assuaged by Cassandra’s confidence in Cullen. He had told Kai this was his chance to atone, and she didn’t want him to lose that if at all possible. He believed so firmly in the Inquisition and the work they undertook. 

Cassandra was still watching her. “I think you mentioned matters, as in more than just one?” Kai queried.

“I know what we found out in the Fade shook you, I could see it in your face and overheard your conversation with Hawke...” she paused seeing Kai’s face’s drop.

“Ahh that,” she said fidgeting a little. 

“You still consider you’re responsible?” Cassandra demanded.

“To a degree, yes. But I realise if wasn’t me who discovered them, it could have easily been someone else.” A small cynical laugh broke out. “Do you want to know how I ended up in that room?” Kai saw another nod.

“I got lost, and used my usual method of trying to find a way out. I just continued going left. Stupid, isn’t it? Had I gone another way, I wouldn’t be here now. I’d be among the bodies in the Temple,” she sighed.

“I am pleased you did survive, that the Maker brought you to us,” Cassandra insisted.

“Cassandra, please. It was just random chance,” Kai’s face mirrored her dismissive tone.

“Inquisitor, did you ever believe in the Maker?” Cassandra asked, honestly curious.

They had skirted around this issue so many times, Kai not wishing to admit her absence of faith and Cassandra wanting to believe Kai was divinely sent to them. It was a conversation a long time coming. 

“Once, yes I did. Not anymore,” she revealed. “I’m quite conscious the Herald of Andraste with no faith is an anathema, so I’ve kept silent. But we both know now it wasn’t Andraste, but the Divine helping me escape, and the Anchor is nothing but a misfired spell.”

“Why did you stop, what happened?”

“How does it ever happen? It’s inevitably loss. In my case, he ripped my future from me. But then seeing the suffering that was allowed firmly broke my faith. How many thousands of years of praying for absolution does he require to forgive one mistake? If there’s one thing I’ve learnt being Inquisitor is that when you have power, it comes with responsibility. And yes, I’m all for giving people a second chance. I don’t think he is, and I think he walked away from his responsibilities.” Kai’s tone became more strident as she spoke.

Cassandra was silent, watching Kai’s face. She reflected for a few minutes before responding.

“I understand, but I would say only one thing in reply. How many random chances did it take to bring you to where you are, to bring us all here together? In my opinion, too many for them all to be accidental. You have been what we needed, guiding us, making the difficult choices. I may not always agree with you, but I will always support you.” She paused. “The plan the Maker has for us may not be kind, but sometimes necessary.”

Kai watched as she stood up to leave. Neither of them had changed each other’s minds, but that wasn’t the objective. They were finally open with each other.

“Leliana has confirmed that she has a lead on the Seekers. I would be grateful if we could investigate when we return.” Cassandra’s face now showed concern.

“Of course we will. I appreciate how much this means to you. We will discover what happened to them.” Kai promised. 

“Thank you Inquisitor,” she smiled.

As Cassandra left, Kai prepared herself to see Cullen. Bull’s remarks came back to her. She couldn’t make the choice for him, it had to be his. But she didn’t want him to step down, nor did she want him to take lyrium again. 

\-----------------------------------------------

Kai approached his tent, and noticing the flap half open, stuck her head in before entering. It somehow reminded her of that night when she waltzed in and caught him undressing. That wasn’t a concern now; it was more whether he would wish to talk to her. Cullen was sitting on his cot with his Templar box open beside him, a lyrium phial in his hand. He was deep in thought and not conscious she was there.

“May I come in?” she asked.

“Yes,” he answered hesitantly, placing the phial back in the box. She could see his hand shaking as he did so.

Kai sat on the little stool facing him. There was no point hedging now, she would be honest with him.

“Cassandra came to see me,” she began, hearing the “ah” with a sigh.

“Then you know. You of all people should understand why this is something I should do,” he responded, his voice unsteady. 

He’d not glanced at her once, she presumed not wanting to see her disappointment, and he looked in pain. Kai resisted the temptation to inquire if he had potions with him. Right now, he didn’t need fussing over, and she learnt her lesson on that count anyway.

“If you truly feel this is necessary I would like to hear your reasons,” she explained calmly. This would press him, but this was something she should ask as Inquisitor.

He stared up at her, his expression one of anger and distress. Kai kept her face straight, no reaction and waited him out. When he spoke, she could sense the struggle within him.

“I wanted to be a Templar to help people, but looking back now perhaps I was too idealistic. What I encountered was torture, corruption and bloodshed. It changed me; I became more cynical, suspicious of all mages. But even after Kinloch, I still wanted to serve, to help, so they sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted Meredith and didn’t stand against her until it was almost too late. People died, innocent people, because I didn’t question enough. What does that say about my judgement?”

He hesitated, glancing down, his hand rubbing his forehead, before continuing.

“When Cassandra offered me this chance, I saw it as a way out. An opportunity to do something positive, to help, to atone. I told her I would do my best, and use the chance it offered me to leave that life behind altogether, break my link by not taking lyrium anymore. I wanted to try and find at least some of the person I used to be. But the memories from all those years continue to haunt me. Look at how many people depend on us, on the Inquisition. As I am I don’t know if I can do both, give my all to the Inquisition and keep my vow. I gave my best to the Chantry; I refuse to do any less here.”

“I wasn’t aware you were doing any less here. You do more than anyone else. There is no issue with what you have accomplished for the Inquisition...” she paused, but he didn’t face her.

Kai pressed on. “You assume lyrium made you perform better. It didn’t, it simply muted the feelings and emotions you would have experienced had you not been taking it. You are in withdrawal, it will hurt, it will be hard, but you’ve spent months now fighting it. Adamant was a stark reminder of the worst parts of your past, it was bound to have an effect. But that doesn’t mean it has to be a lasting one.”

She watched him shoot a glance at her before shifting his gaze downward again. The point obviously struck home.

“Cullen, you never lost that person, you always were that person. Perhaps a little frayed around the edges now, sure, and older. That core, that bit inside...” her hand on her heart now, “...that never altered. The future you I met in Redcliffe was severely mistreated. Yet he remained you, stubborn and kind, and even though I met him at his lowest, he nevertheless sought to make me laugh. I know you can do this, he showed me you can. But only you can decide what you want to do.”

Cullen looked up at her, the turmoil had abated, but the pain remained. He spoke only one word “Alright.”

She didn’t know what that implied, but smiled gently anyway. The decision was in his hands now. As she went to leave, she saw him pull out a potion.

Walking away, it struck to her how she had changed. There was a time even a small joke would have crept into her conversation with Cullen. After Adamant, her role and responsibilities weighed more on her than before. She didn’t want to be on her own, so decided to find Bull and Dorian. They were together most of the time now.

\------------------------------------------------

Kai eventually located them on the top level of the Keep, with Cassandra and a small group of soldiers and workers looking on. Cassandra was hitting Bull with one of the training sticks. Kai stood astonished for a moment before heading to Dorian.

“What in the Maker’s name is going on?” she asked, staring at the scene before her.

“Well you may ask. He claims it’s some form of Ben-Hassrath exercise to master your fear. I think he just enjoys showing off how tough his muscles are,” he responded with a flap of his hand. “He’s a worse attention seeker than I am,” he sniggered.

She knew the Fade had hit Bull hard, the ‘ass end of demon town’ he called it, highlighting his fear of possession, the fear of not having control. Her concern had been more for Dorian and Hawke. As mages they were more susceptible to possession than the rest of them. But they proved to be the strongest at dealing with being there. She had to smile when she remembered Dorian’s retort to the Nightmare demon on being informed he thought Dorian was his father. “Rather uncalled for,” he announced dismissively. 

Kai saw Cassandra put Bull on his back with a swipe of the training stick. He made the mistake of questioning her strength. She wandered over to Kai and gave her the stick.

“He wants more, and I’ve had enough.” She then murmured. “I think he requires another lesson on what women are capable of. Do that move you showed to me.” 

It was a move she created watching Bull whirlwind, but slightly modified using dancing lessons she’d been taught as a child. Not a proper fighting move, just something for fun. It wasn’t as powerful as Cassandra’s hits, but what lacked in power it made up for in speed. Kai stepped forward smiling.

“Alright Boss, your turn,” Bull was holding himself ready.

Kai stood, positioning herself and establishing her centre of gravity first. She spun and hit, then again, each spin speeding slightly as she raised herself up on the balls of her feet. She had to ensure she maintained her focus forward as she spun otherwise she would be falling over dizzy. It took a fair few hits before Bull finally gave in.

“Enough! I’m getting nauseous watching you spin around like a top,” he proclaimed, exhaling. “Next time, we’ll just send you in with a stick to confuse the damn demons.”

“Good idea. I’ll call that move the Demon Confuser,” she grinned, breathing heavily.

It took some concentration to perform and was tiring. Fighting was much easier. Kai could hear Cassandra and Dorian laughing as well as the other spectators. She bowed to Bull smiling and put the stick back in the rack. Kai headed back to her alcove to finish the report. Exercise was a great stress reliever too, she thought. And it was the first time that day she felt less heavy inside.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------

It was some hours later when Cullen came to her. Kai was lying down, reading Swords and Shields partly out of curiosity, but mainly as a distraction. 

This Adamant business had set her thinking about Aedan again. What she didn’t appreciate before was that the moment he undertook the joining, there actually was no future for them together. And what if it hadn’t been him, but Alistair that took the killing blow atop Fort Drakon? Aedan could have been amongst the Wardens they had been fighting against at Adamant. But had he lived, she may not have ended up here either, may not have been at the Conclave, and become Inquisitor. Her future was inexorably linked to the decisions Aedan made. Cassandra’s remark about how many random chances came to mind. 

But there was one choice she made which had been entirely in her hands. The question was, would she have made that decision if Aedan had survived, but been lost to her as a Warden? It was at this point she decided going down this road any further was not a good idea and sought to find a distraction.

Kai had borrowed the book from Cassandra. So far it read like a potboiler to her. Even Varric had admitted it was one of the worst things he had written. It was on the smutty side that was true. Ripped bodices, longing glances, that sort of thing. 

She’d just reached a rude bit, when...

Cullen coughed noisily. “Didn’t you hear me?” he asked.

Kai screeched in surprise. “Maker, you made me jump. I’ve lost my place now.”

“What are you reading?” he inquired, moving to see. 

“Swords and Shields. It’s racier than I thought.” She brandished the book, then realised. “Oh Maker, I’m sorry. You were looking for me,” Kai put the book down. 

How insensitive could she be, it was only earlier he was grappling with a major decision, and here she was reading smut when he evidently wanted to talk to her. She peered at him, he seemed calmer, his face more composed.

“How are you?” she inquired thoughtfully.

“Feeling a little better. I thought about what you said, about what I wanted, and I’ve reached to a decision. I’d like you to come with me, there’s something I wish to do. It’s purely symbolic and now I think about, perhaps it’s silly...” He sounded a tad embarrassed.

Kai spotted the lyrium box in his hand. 

“Silly is good, makes you remember life can be simpler.” She got up from the cot. “So, Cullen. Where are we going?” she asked, smiling.

“Outside, there’s still ample light,” he smiled back.

“Lead on, Commander,” she responded, indicating for him to show her, grabbing her blades just in case. The area around the Keep was usually clear, but periodically a hyena would turn up. Most of the more dangerous creatures kept to the far end of the Approach.

They left the Keep, and Kai followed Cullen to the edge of the Abyssal Rift. She had an inkling now, but waited for him. Cullen took one last look into the box, before closing it, and throwing it into the Rift. Kai slipped her hand into his, watching him.

“I’ve told Cassandra she won’t need to find a replacement for me. It won’t be easy, well it hasn’t been easy, but I need to do this to prove to myself that I can. If future me could bear more, then I should be able to bear this. When we return to Skyhold, I promise to try again, take better care of myself.” The determination shone through his words. 

Kai smiled and rested her head against him. “I’m glad.”

“No instructions, no threats of orders?” he responded smiling.

“No, you don’t need me telling you what to do. Only suggestions from now on,” she explained. “And you are quite within your rights to tell me where to stick them too.”

“I shall remember that,” he declared with a chuckle, letting go of her hand to put his arm round her. 

Kai leaned into him and they remained there quietly for a few minutes, both staring out over the Rift.

“When you fell into the Fade, I feared...I wouldn’t see you again. The thought I couldn’t protect you troubled me. But it’s always going to be like that isn’t it?” he said, more statement than question.

“Yes.” Kai sighed. “All we can do is make the most of what we have now. Who knows what Fate will throw at us? It’s already blindsided me enough times,” she said, her tone barely masking the resentment she felt. 

She didn’t see his worried expression. All she heard was his voice asking her gently.

“How are you holding up?” 

“Honestly, I’m terrified,” she confided.

He drew her against him, holding onto her, kissing her head.

All day she’d had control, keeping it together, making certain she remained steadfast. That one kiss dragged away the stopper on all the thoughts she had bottled inside her. What poured out was an angry, fearful rant, punctuated by small whimpers. 

“I don’t want to be part of a plan...being screwed with...fuck Fate...I can’t...it’s not fair...it went wrong, I should...” Kai gasped, realising what she nearly revealed. The shock bought her back to her senses. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...” she apologised.

“Shhh, it’s alright. I appreciate it can’t be easy for you either. You carry so much on your shoulders; it’s understandable to have doubts. Just know that I’m always here for you, whatever you need,” he reassured her softly. 

Kai clung onto him, feeling the cold of his breastplate contrasting with the warmth of his breath on her head. His gloved hand brushed her cheek soothingly. 

“It’s growing dark, we should return,” he proposed.

“Sure,” she replied.

Kai stood back, seeing him stare at her keenly. He wiped away the tears.

“Will you be alright?” he asked concerned.

“You know me, I always bounce back,” she replied reassuringly, with a small smile.

Cullen smiled and took her hand. As they wandered back, Kai was clear about one thing. She would have to tell him someday, it was just finding the right moment. Now was not that moment.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferelden Pt 1
> 
> Kai and Cullen go to Denerim to help a friend, but she also plans to call in a favour.  
> .  
> .

They arrived at the gates of Denerim; Kai, Cullen and two of their guards who he insisted come with them for extra security on the road. A small favour for Alistair she said, when she explained and asked Cullen to come with her. Alistair had reached out to them for aid in dealing with Venatori they suspected of infiltrating the Royal Palace. For anyone else she would have just asked Leliana to dispatch agents to handle it. But as he was her friend, a personal touch seemed more appropriate.

And Cullen was more than agreeable. He didn’t say, but she felt it was a chance for him to show his gratitude for the rescue all those years ago at Kinloch. It was only a few weeks since they returned from Adamant, but he had restarted the plan, the progress showing already. Kai knew it would be small steps, but now he’d chosen to remain and was committed to upholding his vow, he wouldn’t back away again. Too stubborn, she thought. She also had an idea, something else for him to concentrate on besides his work and her. Alistair owed her a favour, a favour she had arranged to collect on this trip. 

Miller was sent on ahead to determine who the infiltrators were and sent back word to Leliana. Kai was glad they had been able to help Miller escape from Val Chevin; she had proven herself more than amply afterwards. That was why Leliana had dispatched her to Denerim. Miller had established there were four of them, masquerading as kitchen servants, two mages and two fighters as backup. A small group, either not wanting to attract too much attention or precursors to more, Leliana wasn’t absolutely certain. The group had yet to take action against Alistair or Anora; she surmised they were planted ready for some plan to be unleashed later.

Leliana had formerly sent Argent into the Nevarran court to handle the Venatori there who had bewitched King Marcus. But that was carried out in secret; they could not operate openly in that situation. The Venatori seemed to be targeting royal houses as part of their plots. 

The Grand Masquerade at Halamshiral would take place in a few weeks after the warring sides had eventually settled on a date. Josephine was correct. Orlais was the principal objective for the Venatori, a bulwark standing in the way of any Tevinter resurgence. In the overall scheme of things attacking the other royal houses was merely a sideshow. They assumed the intention was to destabilise, weaken other parts of Thedas that may produce resistance to the Venatori plans.

The gates were closed, but in the ongoing climate this wasn’t unexpected. A guard came through the small door to meet them.

“State your business,” he demanded gruffly. 

“The Inquisitor and Commander of the Inquisition here to see King Alistair,” Cullen replied.

The guard scrutinised them. “You could be anybody. Prove it.”

Kai saw Cullen’s face take on a scowl, so she stepped in before he could reply, more than likely equally gruffly. What was it about Fereldens, she thought. She removed her glove, and brandished her hand, the Anchor glowing.

“Will that do?” she asked with a sweet smile.

The man stammered out an apology. “Forgive me Your Worship. We’ll open the gates for you.” He stepped back inside and unlocked the huge heavy wooden gates.

Kai whispered to Cullen. “Well it is a key, apparently to the gates of cities too.”

The scowl was replaced by a grin as they walked the horses into the city and through the streets until they came to the Royal Palace. Again there were closed gates, and another guard. Cullen repeated his statement as Kai took off her glove again. She saw the guard look at a noteboard, evidently checking to see if they were expected. As he looked back at them, she could see the hesitation. 

“I apologise, but it says here I need to request your full name, Inquisitor. To establish your identity,” he said nervously.

Kai would kill Alistair for this, slowly and horribly. He knew how she hated using her names, and had done this purposely, possibly for using his royal title too many times. 

She bit down a curse and calmly replied “Katarina Alana Isabella Trevelyan.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor,” he acknowledged gratefully, his face showing relief, and opened the gates.

She could hear Cullen sniggering quietly, but not quietly enough that she wouldn’t hear. He found out she disliked her names and discovered a source of amusement in occasionally ‘forgetting’ to call her Kai. He said Katarina sounded mysterious. 

Mysterious would be finding him face down in barrel of Ferelden ale, she had shot back. He told her he couldn’t take it out of her hide literally when she teased him. She huffed back saying she would rather he did. One thing led to another, and well, it wasn’t punishment anymore. So the name ‘forgetting’ went on.

“And _you_ are next on the list, after Alistair,” she hissed an aside at him. “You are both dead.”

“As you wish, Lady Katarina,” he chortled.

Kai gave an indignant snort in response. The more she objected, the longer it would go on. She gave in and they all walked their horses to the stables. Cullen dismissed the soldiers, allowing them to go and visit with their families in Denerim for the remainder of the day. For their mission, they could do without them, and there were enough royal guards in the Palace for protection.

A maidservant came out to greet them as they neared the main entrance to the Palace. That maidservant being Miller, who was every inch the sort of quiet, unassuming servant that people didn’t notice, who blended in with their background so well they were virtually invisible. Leliana had trained her well. The curtsey was just the right degree of deference.

“Their Majesties are engaged presently, but have asked me to show you to your suite and ensure that you are comfortable,” she announced, her head slightly lowered.

Maker she was good, Kai thought. “Thank you...” she paused, waiting for Miller to provide her name. 

Leliana told her it was best Miller first use it when Kai arrived, then the expectation would be convincing should her arrival be watched. They had made no secret of her visit, hoping it would rattle the infiltrators and force their hand, force them to make a mistake.

“Isabella, Your Worship,” Miller answered timidly, with another curtsey.

There were now three people to deal with Kai thought. This was developing into a conspiracy, how many times can we wind up Kai Trevelyan with her own names? Her face didn’t reveal the retribution she swore in her head. 

“Thank you Isabella. We would welcome a chance to freshen up after our journey,” she responded smiling.

She hoped Cullen wasn’t sniggering again, but his attention was elsewhere, and she had to drag it back before they went in. As they followed Miller, she found out what it was.

“They have kennels here?” Cullen asked.

“Yes, the Royal Kennels. _This is Ferelden_ , Cullen,” she rolled her eyes and heard a groan of disgust. That’s for the Katarina, she thought sneakily.

“Alistair has been working to rebuild their stock of mabari after so many were lost at Ostagar, but there’s still a lot of work to do before the numbers are anything like before,” she informed him.

“Could we, perhaps, visit them later?” he asked, a slight boyish tone creeping into his voice.

“Sure, I don’t think Alistair would mind. In fact, I’m certain he would very happy to regale you with tales of his hounds,” she smiled. 

For hours on end, she knew from previous experience, so proud of them he was. Initially it was a duty Alistair felt to Cailan until he actually became enthused himself. Anora didn’t appear to mind, she was busy with the University she’d founded. That was her dream. The two of them would never be in love, but had settled into an easier existence with each other over the years, giving the other space to pursue their own agenda. They made the best of a situation they had both been shoehorned into. Another of Aedan’s decisions.

“Good,” he replied, a smile on his face. 

Give a man a dog and see the child come out, she knew. For most men, anyhow. And luckily Cullen was that sort of man. 

As they reached the guest quarters, Miller showed them to the suite for visiting dignitaries. It provided privacy for discussions as well as not having to sneak into each other’s bedrooms later on. As Miller showed them in she offered to unpack their bags, a ruse to keep her there. Kai accepted. Quite ironic as she never had anyone unpack her bags since she was a small child. The door was closed, and their voices were barely a whisper when they talked.

“So, what news...Isabella?” Kai requested, with a knowing look.

The quiet unassuming maidservant then became Miller again.

“They’re nervous with the notion of you being here. One of them has been taking trips out, to send messages we think. They’ve also been less careful, before they wouldn’t spend too much time together, now it’s all secret meetings. Sloppy if you ask me. You don’t blow your cover just because you get antsy. They’ve got another one arranged for two hours time, behind the kitchens, small gardener’s shed. No one goes there much, it’s just for storage,” she reported. 

“Nice job,” Kai complimented.

“Inquisitor, there is the possibility they’ve shifted their target. To you I mean,” she cautioned, glancing at Cullen and back at Kai. 

“Well, I’m used to being bait. The Commander can verify that,” she quipped, seeing Cullen shake his head and groan again.

“That doesn’t mean you have to make a habit of it, Inquisitor,” he stated grimly.

“I think it would be better to catch them with their pants down first, so to speak,” Kai insisted. “This meeting sounds the best bet, wouldn’t you agree?” She saw them both nod.

“So...does King Alistair know this yet?” she inquired.

“Yes, just before you arrived,” Miller confirmed. “And...he wants to join in with whatever you’re planning. His words were, ‘I seldom get fun like that these days’.” Miller was smiling now. 

Kai almost sniggered as she saw Cullen’s face; his eyes wide open in dismay at the prospect of the King of Ferelden taking on a group of Venatori in his garden with them. Kai knew better.

“Please inform him we would welcome his help,” she consented, watching Cullen now stare at her in shock for agreeing with this insane idea. She continued. “Miller, I take it you are geared up?” she questioned, expecting a yes.

Miller glanced at Cullen. “Excuse me Commander,” she said before raising her skirt to her knees, showing the blades stashed in either boot, on the inside of her clothed legs where they weren’t instantly noticeable.

“I bet that’s a bugger when you crouch down,” Kai joked, seeing the surprise and then the mirth in Miller’s face. 

Most people didn’t use dwarven expressions often, but Kai had a rack of different curse words, expletives, and general naughtiness from other tongues and dialects.

“You could say that, Inquisitor,” she grinned cheekily.

Cullen, who had glanced away, now coughed. Kai loved how he leaned to shyness sometimes, and yet could be so gruff and commanding. 

“Sorry Commander,” she apologised, before talking again to Miller. “Is he able to catch up with us first?”

“He’ll meet with you in an hour,” Miller confirmed. “I’d better get back. I’ll bring some tea just before the meeting and brief you again in case of any change.”

Kai nodded and watched Miller morph back into the maidservant before she left. Then she heard it.

“Have you lost your mind? This is not some picnic outing,” he growled at her, but keeping his voice low.

“You do know who you’re talking about?” she questioned, lifting her eyebrows.

“I’m fully aware of his history, but he’s a king now. What if something...happened? Imagine the uproar it would lead to,” he cautioned. “Maker’s breath! I don’t know which one of you is madder than the other.”

“Cullen, if you’re that worried, just tell him no,” she smiled sweetly, walking closer. “Point out that you are concerned for his safety.” She fiddled idly with his mane.

“You’ve agreed already, how can I say no to him now?” he challenged, watching her.

“You can be very...persuasive...when you want to be, Commander,” she murmured, her hand gliding over his back, and onto his bottom.

“This is a distraction, isn’t it,” he sighed, seeing her shuffle closer.

“Is it working?” Kai smirked.

“No,” he maintained emphatically, frowning and folding his arms to make the point. 

“You’re so hot when you’re grumpy,” she sighed. Her voice now picked up a mock sultry tone. “I love it when your eyebrows knit together like that, and you clench your jaw, and stand there, muscles tensed, your body all firm and tough.”

Kai could see a smile tugging at his lips now. Making him laugh always worked as a distraction. 

“Did you know when you flex your muscles, your mane quivers?” she purred, fluttering her eyelashes a little too excessively.

“It does what?!” he exclaimed, looking incredulous.

Kai couldn’t keep her face straight and collapsed into gales of laughter. “I’m sorry...I just couldn’t keep it going anymore...you make me laugh too much.” She was nearly bent double now.

She could see a wide grin on Cullen’s face. “I think you overplayed your hand, Inquisitor,” he said. “And now let’s find out how hot you truly think I am,” he added suggestively.

Cullen hoisted her over his shoulder and headed for one of the bedrooms.

“Did you just play me, Commander?” she questioned.

“So...easily,” he drawled. 

Kai started laughing again when he threw her onto the bed, causing her to bounce. Cullen clambered on the bed next to her. He leant over to try to kiss her, but she was still chuckling away. Kai saw him shake his head and bend down to kiss her neck. A sigh broke into her mirth, but didn’t abate it. However, as he started to bite her softly, the laughter was replaced by gentle moans. 

Whenever he did that it completely tore down her defences. She tilted her head backwards allowing him better access and felt him pause.

“You were right back in Haven. I do enjoy hearing you moan,” he whispered, his voice lower in tone.

Kai’s legs clenched involuntarily as the heat coursed through her, and a gasp flew out. He raised his head to look at her, smirking now. She sighed, closing her eyes momentarily.

“Nothing to say?” he asked.

Kai shook her head, smiling.

“So easily,” he repeated before kissing her. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen watched as Kai spoke with King Alistair, or Alistair as she addressed him. It never ceased to amaze Cullen how comfortably she talked with just about anybody. That confident and easy manner he’d once thought glib came so naturally to her. But now he learned there was vulnerability there too, he saw it back in Haven and more so after Adamant. As with everything about Kai, it wasn’t hidden, rather another aspect that would just bubble up occasionally.

“I glad you warned me about the Calling, I had begun to wonder if my time was indeed up. I appreciate it will happen but I didn’t expect it that early,” Alistair said gratefully. “I mean, there’s so much more pomp to waste my time with. I wouldn’t want to miss all that,” he continued smiling.

“As soon as we found out, Leliana and I guessed you might welcome the information.” Kai smiled, “So many more dogs to breed too.”

“Very funny. I’m particularly proud of my kennels I’ll have you know,” he countered. “Typical comment from a _Marcher_ ,” he derided, shaking his head. He turned to Cullen “You understand the importance, don’t you Cullen?”

“Absolutely, Your Maj...” was all he got out before the frown. “...sorry...Alistair,” he apologised. 

Alistair had insisted Cullen call him by his given name. “We did meet before any of this was forced onto me. The fact that you are one of my subjects now is just a technicality,” he explained.

“Better,” Alistair nodded. “You see, Kai, it takes a Ferelden to appreciate mabari properly.”

“Yes, of course it does. My apologies, Your Royal Highness,” she replied with a nod of the head.

Alistair groaned and then chuckled. “You obviously enjoyed my little request at the gate then. Can’t resist a dig back, this one.”

Kai smiled. “Actually, Cullen expressed an interest in visiting the kennels later, after we take care of the bit of business first.”

Cullen saw a glance flash between them before Alistair answered.

“Of course, I’m afraid I will be in a meeting, but feel free to look around as long as you like,” he offered with a grin.

Cullen felt he had to say something about the business with the Venatori. He cleared his throat.

“Your...Alistair, are you sure it’s wise for you to accompany us? I’m positive the Inquisitor, Miller and I can take care of this,” he suggested tentatively.

However relaxed Kai was about Alistair joining them, he nevertheless wasn’t. If something untoward happened, Josephine would kill him for the political fallout. Cullen saw Kai try not to smile and glance aside.

Alistair fixed him with a stare. “Do you advise her not go out killing things?” he challenged.

Cullen’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Well, not as such,” he replied staunchly. “But her safety is part of my responsibility, and I would advise the Inquisitor similarly if I thought it was necessary.”

Cullen saw Alistair smile. “Then I accept your advice, Cullen. But I’m still coming along, and I think we can assume it’s definite now?” he asked Cullen pointedly.

“We can,” Cullen accepted, a little unwillingly, seeing Kai wink at him.

“Now that’s established, I’ll find you downstairs. Miller will maintain a careful eye on them in the meantime I expect?” he asked and Kai nodded. “This will be fun!” he added, enthusiastically rubbing his hands together before leaving.

Kai came over to Cullen, and sat astride his legs, grinning. “Going up against your monarch like that, wow. You are full of surprises, Cullen Rutherford. If I had a hat on, I would take it off to you,” she said approvingly.

“Really?” he inquired, smiling.

“Such bravery deserves a reward. I’m certain you can think of something appropriate for later.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Now we finish the tea and those cakes. Some clearly have my name on them.”

Cullen had a thought and grinned. It would annoy her a little, but he couldn’t resist.

“Actually,” he announced, slipping his hands around her waist. “I’ve already thought of a suitable reward for right now, and you did promise,” he insisted, smiling.

“Cullen, I meant...”

Cullen interrupted her. “I have first claim on the cakes,” he demanded.

Kai narrowed her eyes. “You sly sneaky...grrr,” she grumbled as he laughed loudly.

Cullen got up, lifting Kai off his lap and setting her onto her feet, a scowl still on her face. He grabbed a generous handful of cakes and some tea, then sat down munching his way through them, still smiling as she stared at him. He had left her ample, but evidently picked the ones she had her eyes on. Kai took some of the rest with tea and sat there eating, still with a slight glower.

“You seem upset, Katarina,” he mocked.

A cake flew at his head, which he caught before it struck him. 

“One more for me, thank you,” he acknowledged gratefully. He could guess what was coming next. 

“You are so dead, Commander,” she growled.

“As you wish, Inquisitor,” he grinned, continuing to eat. These cakes were really good he thought.

\------------------------------------------------------

“Well that was bracing!” exclaimed Alistair as the last mage finally went down. “They were tougher than they looked.”

Cullen noticed Kai and Miller chatting, standing arms crossed, watching both him and Alistair. They’d taken down the fighters easily with stealth kills and helped with the first mage, then leaving the second to them. It didn’t help this one used ice glyphs slowing their movements, as well fade stepping, forcing them to chase him down. Cullen shook, dispersing the last residues of cold, and the two women giggled.

He frowned at them, watching Kai shake hands now with Miller. He knew Kai had been undertaking assassin training and guessed Miller had similar expertise by their movements. Again he had to remind himself of Kai’s origins. It was clear when she first went on missions that she had good basic skills, but now she was more proficient. She could certainly take care of herself; that was unmistakable even in this small skirmish.

“Ah, I feel better about eating what comes out of the kitchens now,” Alistair declared. “But sadly I have a meeting about sewerage and drainage to attend. The tribulations of obligation,” he sighed. 

“I trust we’ll be seeing you all at dinner later?” he inquired.

Kai looked at Miller and then Alistair. “I understand Miller made previous arrangements and asks if she could be excused. I hope that is acceptable,” she replied diplomatically.

Alistair grinned. “Yes, I can guess what they might be. And of course,” he answered. 

Cullen could see Miller blushing slightly as she nodded in thanks.

“Right, I’ll see you two later then,” Alistair said before leaving.

Miller nodded to Cullen as she passed, going back inside.

As Kai came over to Cullen she confided. “She’s taken a shine to one of his personal guard, who wishes to take her out. Miller knew this mission took priority, so waited until today before agreeing. She told Alistair, and he is such a sucker for romantic stuff.”

Cullen smiled. “And you’re not?” he queried.

“No, not me. I like what you do. You’re more practical,” she smiled back.

“So...if I brought you flowers or spouted poetry...?”

“I would assume it was a wind up,” she giggled.

Cullen thought for a minute. Was she insinuating that he wasn’t...? 

“Wait, are you trying to tell me I’m not romantic?” he questioned, frowning. 

“A man who takes cakes away from a woman he loves, I don’t think that’s romantic. Especially as I have given you the last sweet before,” she proclaimed, lifting an eyebrow.

“I can be,” he huffed.

“I don’t need wooing, Cullen,” she grinned. “I need keeping in hand, remember?” 

“I suppose you’re right,” he acknowledged. “That’s a full-time post in itself, there would be no spare time for wooing,” he quipped.

For a moment she narrowed her eyes, before smiling again. “Don’t we have kennels to visit? I suggest we clean up and go and see the hounds. With my handler’s agreement of course,” she bowed with a flourish of her hand.

“You have my permission,” he agreed.

As Kai turned, Cullen glanced around to ensure they were alone, and then smacked her smartly on the bottom. He saw her shudder and heard the gasp, before her hand began rubbing the spot he slapped. 

He placed his hand on her shoulder and whispered in her ear. “Any more cheek, and there’ll be more of that.”

Kai turned around, with a grin. “Promise?” she urged, chewing her lip.

Cullen smirked and heard the sigh. “Oh, I promise,” he replied.

Kai sighed again. “So...easily,” she drawled and started to chuckle.

Cullen shook his head, laughing with her. This game would continue on, he realised that, but Maker, it was fun to play. He ushered her inside, so they could clean up. He was looking forward to visiting the mabari.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferelden Pt 2  
> .  
> Kai gives Cullen a gift, something else for him to focus on, but gets a shock in return. She also gets to use her diplomatic skills again to provide another second chance .  
> .  
> .

Wandering through the kennels, the noise of the hounds was much louder now. Kai knew mabari were smart, and understood a lot more of human speech than most dogs, but she always wondered how much they communicated with each other. They were also unusual as they didn’t fight with each other the way ordinary dogs did. Occasionally there would be facing off between the males, but there was never any actual physical harm. Handy when you kept so many of them together in kennels.

Cullen walked ahead with the Chief Kennel Keeper, an older man from Cailan’s time. He hadn’t gone to Ostagar, sending two of his assistants instead. What it did mean, was the knowledge he carried was not lost and could now help rebuild the kennels. She understood from Alistair he was a fussy breeder, only selecting the strongest to promote. Those that didn’t get chosen were given to suitable homes, with people the dogs selected as their partners, those they imprinted on. Mabari don’t have owners, they have partners, she’d been informed.

Cullen listened intently as Chief answered his questions about how they took care of the mabari, their habits, what they ate and their abilities and quirks. Kai had no doubts he would make a good partner. They arrived at the pen for the older pups, those long weaned, but not quite a year old. As Cullen looked over the fence, Chief turned to him.

“Would you like to come in with me, Commander? I give them some treats now and again, and it just so happens today is a treat day,” he offered.

“I would like that,” Cullen replied smiling. 

He glanced at Kai, and she waved him forward. “Go on, it’s fun. I’ve done this before. I’ll wait here for you.” she told him, now leaning on the fence. 

She stared at all the pups as they went in, trying to guess which one would take to him. He still had no notion of her plans, and she was glad. It was meant to be a surprise. Kai watched as they all flocked forward to Chief, milling around him. She noticed he didn’t give Cullen any treats just yet. They would be for after. 

Then Kai saw her, a young female, slightly smaller than the others, ignoring Chief and striding straight for Cullen. She was a somewhat darker tan than most of them. She approached from the back, sniffing the air first, before sitting down beside him and staring up. 

It was then Cullen noticed her, and squatted down to fuss her, rubbing behind the ears and stroking her head. The pup rolled onto her back wiggling from side to side and he patted her tummy. Cullen had a broad grin on his face, and his eyes lit up. This was the one. She recognised it as did Chief and he glanced over to Kai. She nodded, and he gave Cullen a few pieces of crunch. The pup took them eagerly from Cullen.

Chief smiled when he spoke. “Well Commander, it looks like she’s taken to you. I think you’ve got yourself a good one there. She’s sharp, watches and listens, but has plenty of spirit too. She’ll do you proud, a fine mabari for a man in your position.” 

Kai saw Cullen’s eyebrows furrow briefly in confusion, until he realised this was now his dog, his new partner. 

“She’s mine?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“Or more correctly, you’re hers,” Chief chuckled.

The child now emerged. The expression on Cullen’s face as he glanced at Chief then looked at the pup, that was the core, the centre that always remained true. In that moment all the suffering, the anxiety, rolled away, and she saw who he had been, and what he had held onto inside. When he twisted around to look at her, the beam on his face was so intense, so pure, she could feel her eyes moisten, and gulped to hold back. This was a happy occasion, not one to start shedding tears. She hurriedly wiped her eyes.

Cullen got up and strode over, stopping on the other side of the fence, his hands on it next to hers.

“What’s wrong?” he inquired, concerned.

“Nothing, I’m just happy for you. You look so...whole,” she replied, fumbling for a word. It was the best she could do.

“Was this your idea?” he smiled now.

“Guilty as charged,” she conceded, with a slight laugh. “I think you should remain with her a while. She’s imprinted, but you need to get to know each other. I’ll go back to the suite. Just make sure you allow yourself time to change before dinner,” she directed.

Cullen moved his gloved hand taking hold of hers. Normally they kept to their roles in public, but this was not a typical occasion. His eyes were full of light and Kai thought he looked younger, but just as handsome. She loved the lines, the slightly worn face, and especially his scar.

“Thank you,” his voice was tender and enthusiastic. 

“My pleasure,” she answered softly. 

The way he stared at her, his face full of delight, she could sense her emotions welling up again.

“Go play with your new partner. I need to go before I cry again. It’s your fault, Cullen,” she joked quietly, her voice breaking. “Now go!” she shooed him away, managing a slender smile.

“Alright,” he acknowledged, smiling back.

Kai watched for a moment as he returned to the pup, before going back to their rooms. Her heart felt light for his happiness, but heavy too from the emotions racing through her. It was as if she’d fallen in love with him all over again, this time with the part she hadn’t seen until now. The door now closed, she leaned back in one of the armchairs, folding her legs underneath her. This time she didn’t hold back and let the tears fall freely.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Kai was reading a book on the history of the Kings of Ferelden, wondering why historians wrote so dryly. She knew of stories which would have made such a book much more entertaining. The door opened, and she glanced up to see Cullen coming in. He looked happy.

“Hello,” she greeted him smiling, watching as he grinned at her.

Cullen walked over and reached out to her, and as she took his hand, he pulled her against him, kissing her, one hand now wrapped around her waist and the other around the back of her neck. The kiss was intense, but warm, and lasted for what seemed like ages. When he drew back, she hummed.

“Someone’s happy,” she declared, looking into his eyes.

“Someone is very happy,” he confirmed, grinning.

“I’m pleased,” she sighed, resting her head on his chest. 

He stroked her hair before planting a kiss on her head. Kai hummed again, closing her eyes. As much she loved bantering with him, she loved these moments too, just being close to him, hearing him breathe, watching him sleep, taking in his scent, or having his arms around her. She could ignore everything else and imagine it was just the two of them. That wasn’t the reality, but she could dream.

“What are you going to call her?” Kai asked.

“Well, they do give them names, but partners can change them. I want to keep her name, but wasn’t certain how you would feel about it,” he was hesitant when he explained.

“Why would I mind?” Kai inquired, peering at him.

“Well...” his hand went to the back of his neck. “...they named her Izzy, as in short for Isabella,” he replied cautiously, waiting for her response.

Kai stood there, just blinking, dumbstruck. This day had become bizarre to say the least.

“Kai? I can change her name...” Cullen was still watching her. “Kai, say something,” he was frowning.

She came to. “No, keep the name if you like it, Cullen. It’s fine. I’m just having a little difficulty processing the weirdness of it,” she replied flatly. “Perhaps I should sit down.”

Kai sat down on the couch and Cullen sat next to her. She stared ahead for a moment before speaking.

“It’s just...well...Aedan had a mabari, a present from his parents, before we were betrothed. He called her...Bella. We used to joke about the coincidence. And now...it’s happening again...I...huh,” she let out a heavy exhale. 

Cullen looked amazed. “Oh, I see,” he answered.

She faced him. “Honestly, if you want to call her Izzy, I’m good with that. I’m just a little unnerved right now; two coincidences are one too many.”

Two men she loved, one who saved the other. Two mabari with adjoining halves of one of her names. What in the Maker’s name was going on? She panicked a little, struggling to absorb some of the other things that had happened. Her mind was still whirring when she heard Cullen.

“Kai!” he was practically shouting to get her attention.

“I’m sorry, I was miles away,” she apologised, detecting a look of worry.

“Dinner, we need to get ready? We’ll talk about Izzy later,” he insisted.

She smiled. “Yes, of course,” she answered, not altogether normal, but enough to prepare.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Cullen was already waiting for her by the time she was ready. She had to procure a dress for this occasion, all her other clothes had been lost in the explosion, and she hadn’t got around to acquiring any new ‘posh clothes’ as she called them. She only had her armour and casual outfits. It was a plain, pine green velvet dress, Marcher style, cut somewhat lower at the front than Ferelden dresses. That, with shoes and some make-up, and she was good to go.

Her mind had settled thankfully, so at least she wasn’t going to sit there with half a brain now.

Cullen was wearing the same clothes she remembered from their first night together, more than smart enough for this occasion. Kai smiled when she saw him, he looked just as good now as he had that night. 

“Cullen!” she called out to him, seeing him turn to face her. “Will I do?” she grinned, twirling.

“Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed. “You look...” he stalled, just staring at her.

“I look...?” she inquired, peering at him, waiting for an answer.

“Ravaging...no...I mean ravishing,” he fumbled. “Ugh, it came out wrong,” he apologised.

Kai snickered. “Ravaging, eh? I rather like ravaging, sounds as if I’m about to lay waste with just my wit and a dress.” She placed one hand on her hip and tapped a finger against the side of her mouth thoughtfully. “I know...perhaps you should rename me the Ravager.”

Cullen was groaning and rolling his eyes. “I give up,” he muttered.

Kai walked over to him, sliding her arms around his waist. “Or perhaps, that was what you thinking of doing to me? Plundering my willing flesh?” she quipped, winking. 

Now she noticed a smile play on his lips. “Perhaps tearing off your dress later? That I will admit to.”

“Cullen Rutherford, there will be no tearing or ripping of the dress. This is the only one I possess,” she instructed firmly. “My body, however, is yours,” she offered, staring into his eyes.

“I accept your offer,” he responded, smirking.

The sigh came, spontaneous as ever. He rested his hand against her cheek, and she rubbed her face against the roughness of his palm, closing her eyes. Just being away from Skyhold and the Inquisition, it allowed them more time for each other. She would miss this when they had to return. It would be snatched time and snatched moments again. Kai opened her eyes, to see Cullen smiling now. 

“Much as I would rather stay here with you, I believe we have dinner?” he urged.

“We do. I understand it’s lamb for the main course. I shall enjoy reminding Alistair of his culinary attempt at a lamb and pea stew. Leliana said she never realised food could come out that colour before,” she sniggered.

As they left their suite, Cullen offered her his arm, which she accepted.

“Oh and by the way, I don’t have a stitch on underneath,” she murmured teasingly, seeing his eyes grow large as he stopped dead.

“You can’t go to dinner like that. Sweet Maker! What if you trip?” He looked and sounded shocked, more than she anticipated. 

“Well, better make sure I don’t then.” She tugged him forward. “Come on Cullen, we don’t want to keep their Majesties waiting, do we?”

“Andraste preserve me, you are the most impossible woman I know,” he groaned.

“Next time, my love, don’t come between a woman and her cakes,” she insisted with a straight face. 

He came to another standstill, staring at her. “You’re not serious...this is for...?” he grimaced.

Kai grinned. “So...easily,” she announced smugly. He now looked at her reproachfully, and she knew the question would come.

His voice became quiet. “So are you...wearing...?”

“Of course I am, I’m not that reckless or inconsiderate,” she tutted, seeing his expression turn to relief. “Anyway I’m confident you can come up with some suitable chastisement later,” she murmured.

“That I can, my lady...Katarina,” he quipped, chuckling

Kai snorted and then smiled. He was good, she thought. They continued heading down to dinner.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

“Anyway, after Meredith had successfully verbally emasculated me, in front of witnesses I’ll have you know, I eventually got to speak to Hawke. Maker, that was a shock in itself, he looked just like Aedan...” Alistair paused suddenly realising. “Oh...I...”

Kai stepped in. “Don’t worry, Alistair. Cullen and I have had this discussion,” she reassured him.

She was more concerned with him talking about Meredith, but Cullen looked fine. The story was to do with Orlais rather than what transpired in Kirkwall.

“Right. Same determination and cheek too, you know. I hoped Hawke could help with the problems with Orlais, with some of Celene’s relations wanting their ‘province back’. Sadly he couldn’t, but luckily, they were settled with Celene’s aid. Now I gather she’s having problems herself.”

He was referring to Gaspard, now engaged in a war against his cousin, the Empress. The same person who had arranged an invitation for them to the ball in Halamshiral. 

Alistair turned to Kai. “If you can help defuse this and ensure no one gets any further ideas about marching back into Ferelden, we would appreciate it. I know it’s been ten years since the Blight, but we don’t need the problems another invasion would bring,” he requested.

“Don’t worry, Alistair. I fully intend to make sure that the only war people focus on is the one with Corypheus and his forces. The last thing we need is for old grievances or conflicts to distract us now. That only plays into their hands,” she replied reassuringly. 

Kai grinned “I mean, we wouldn’t want them ‘swooping’ down on you, would we. We all know that...” 

She saw Alistair’s grin, Anora’s sigh and Cullen’s confusion. She was feeding him the prompt for one of his favourite sayings.

“Swooping is bad,” said Alistair, laughing now. “Ah, that one never gets tired.”

She whispered to a bemused Cullen, “I’ll explain later.” He blinked in acknowledgment.

It was then she saw Anora glance at Alistair, something passed between them, something prearranged, judging by the way Alistair changed tack.

“So Cullen, I hear you play a mean game of chess. I’ve yet to beat Anora, and wondered if you could give me some tips.”

“Of course,” Cullen agreed, following Alistair to the other end of the large hall, out of hearing.

Alistair was never very subtle, and Kai knew she’d been manoeuvred into being alone with Anora, but for what purpose, that was the question. Her relationship with Anora was formal, and Kai kept to that as she waited for Anora to speak first. 

“I would be grateful if we could step back from formalities when we talk. I know from your dealings with Alistair, you are discreet and in my position there are few I can turn to...to discuss delicate matters. I am also aware we have not actually spoken on a personal level, our histories perhaps preventing warmer relations.”

You mean like my fiancé killing your father, Kai thought. She had to admit to some resentment against Anora for allowing Aedan and Alistair to be arrested. And Anora would have surely harboured resentment over her father’s death, however practically she viewed the circumstances. The fact she appeared to have forgiven Alistair was the bigger surprise.

Kai spoke discreetly when she responded. “As you wish...Anora. I assure you whatever you wish to discuss will go no further. So, how can I be of help?”

Anora scrutinised Kai before she explained. “I need to ask a question of you, and please believe this is not intended to be malicious or intrusive, I simply would like to establish something first,” she said deliberately.

Kai nodded her assent. “Please ask.”

“Why did your parents not arrange another marriage for you?” Anora inquired.

Had Kai not braced herself that would have produced a reaction. She studied Anora for a moment before replying, collecting her thoughts. She had an inkling of where this discussion was leading now.

“An accident left me unable to have children, and as you appreciate, absence of heirs would be somewhat detrimental to a marriage alliance,” Kai stated straightforwardly.

“Thank you for your honesty. Believe me, I understand it could not have been easy to say. I find myself in a similar position for different reasons, and wanted to ask...” Anora hesitated, her normally controlled exterior betraying emotion now, “...how you came to terms with it.”

“Before I answer, could I inquire, are you certain?” Kai replied delicately.

“As much as I can be. I recognise that Alistair being a Warden is an unknown factor, but we have...made attempts. However, ten years as his wife and five with Cailan would suggest that perhaps the difficulty lies elsewhere.” Her hands were clasped together, doubtless to control any accidental leakage of nervousness. It was a trick Kai had learnt too.

She had never seen Anora so open before, and part of her warmed to Anora’s predicament. It was one she knew well. Kai answered honestly. 

“Truthfully, at first I didn’t. It took a good friend to show me that there was a way forward; that I should look on it as an opportunity to carve out a life for myself. To embrace the chance to take on a role where I had control. Of course I still have obligations to my family, the work I did was for them, but it provided opportunities I wouldn’t have had otherwise.” 

She went on. “My position is different from yours, for the two of you, it’s carrying on a bloodline. But...if it is the case, you have to accept it as a fact, but not a failure as some would have you believe. It is part of you, but needn’t define you. And you, Anora, have always been strong and always in control.” Kai paused. “I’m curious though, why did you ask me now?”

Kai waited for a response, seeing Anora sitting there utterly still. The reply when it came was the last thing she expected to hear, and she saw something she’d never seen Anora do, she blushed.

“I would like to give Alistair a child, not just because it would be an heir, but because...I have grown to love him,” she admitted reluctantly.

Kai’s mouth formed the O before the words followed. “Ohh...I see.” Her mind raced, thinking what else to say. In the end she went for straight up honesty. “Have you told him how you feel?” she inquired.

The shock on Anora’s face gave her the answer. “No!” she replied emphatically.

“Why not?” Kai asked bluntly.

“Because...we reached an understanding years ago...and it would only muddy matters,” Anora insisted.

“So you’ve never asked him how he feels?” Kai persisted.

“Certainly not,” another emphatic reply.

Kai began to get a sense of déjà vu now. What she was about to propose may be the biggest mistake, or a means to give two people some happiness. 

“What conversation does Alistair think we are having?” Kai asked.

“The one we were having, before this one,” Anora replied impatiently.

“Then perhaps you both should be talking to each other and admitting what you feel. If you can confide that much in him and he accepts you wish to discuss it with me, maybe it’s high time this understanding is reconsidered in light of changing circumstances.” Kai’s tone was gentle, but her words unambiguous. 

Anora’s eyebrows shot up, the look of surprise echoed in her face.

Kai tried again. “Anora, please trust me when I say this. It is too easy to assume that a situation will remain constant, that the understanding you came to is immutable. But people aren’t, people are mutable, feelings change. And this can be harder to see for two people together day to day, you slide into habits of being. All I’m proposing is, talk to each other.”

Kai watched and waited, imagining the battle going on inside Anora now. 

“Very well. I will speak with him,” Anora finally announced. 

Kai waved her hand towards Cullen and Alistair, seeing Anora watch her movement.

“Now?” Anora questioned, taken aback.

“What better time?” Kai insisted. “This is hardly an official dinner, we’re hardly strangers, and I’m sure Cullen wouldn’t mind you interrupting,” she encouraged her.

Anora stood up, seemingly uncertain at first, and then gathered her composure, walking over to where Alistair and Cullen were playing chess. Kai could see her talking to Cullen, who then got up and came over to where Kai was sitting. She was staring intently at the scene unfolding. Maker, she hoped she had read this right.

“Kai...” Cullen began.

“Shhh, I need to see what’s going on. We might have to make a run for it,” she whispered.

“What have you done now?” he murmured back, groaning.

“Either something wonderfully good, or something truly bad. Sort of the same as Dorian and Hawke did to us.” she confessed.

“Maker’s breath!” He sounded worried.

She suddenly saw it, the sign she was searching for, Alistair got up taking Anora’s hand and kissing her tenderly. She caught the smiles on both their faces. 

Kai let out a deep exhale. “Cullen, we live to fight another day,” she declared.

“A life with you certainly isn’t boring,” he announced, with a resigned tone. “Although occasionally a little boring would be fine with me.”

Kai now glanced at him. “You knew what you were getting,” she responded smiling.

“I think I’ve heard that before,” he sighed. 

She turned back to see Alistair nod, before they both walked over to her and Cullen. It was Anora who spoke.

“I wonder if you would both excuse us, my husband and I have matters to discuss.”

“Of course,” Kai replied, nodding slightly, in acknowledgement rather than deference. 

“We can talk more at breakfast,” Alistair added. “I’m positive there are still stories I haven’t told Cullen.”

Kai saw both Cullen and Alistair grin at that. Now she started to wonder what stories. They all wished each other goodnight, and the two of them left, still smiling.

Kai sighed contentedly. “I do love a happy ending.”

Cullen rested his arm around her waist. “I could have sworn someone claimed not to be romantic,” he teased.

“I’m not, I just like seeing people be happy, that’s all,” she claimed, settling her hand on his.

“If you say so,” he said, grinning as Kai looked at him tutting.

“So, does that mean we’re off duty now?” Cullen inquired, linking his fingers though hers.

“Yes, we are. Time to retire I think,” she smiled. 

“Good, because I recall an offer made to me earlier, an offer I intend to take up,” he said smirking. He moved his hand, now offering her his arm.

“What are we waiting for then?” she asked, taking his arm.

They made their way back to the suite. She was happy for Alistair and Anora. Whatever had happened in the past, everyone deserved a second chance. Kai had hers with Cullen, and she couldn’t be happier.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferelden Pt 3  
> Cullen and Kai get to spend some precious time alone together before their planned return to Skhold the following day. But the next morning brings news for Kai causing a change in plans.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW - explicit sexual content  
> .  
> .

As they entered their suite, Kai saw Cullen lock the door behind them. Not that they were likely to be disturbed, it was just his concern for privacy and security. But even a naked Cullen brandishing his sword and shield would look formidable, she thought, and couldn’t hold back a chuckle as the picture formed in her head.

“And what are you thinking about?” she heard him ask, coming up to her.

Kai cleared her throat; perhaps some things were better not shared right now. “I’ll tell you another time,” she smiled.

Cullen placed his hands on her shoulders, and Kai looked up into his eyes, his stunning amber eyes. The recollection of the first time he did this flooded back. She experienced that same nervousness, that same stumble of her heart, a little unusual as they had slept together since then. She swallowed and licked her lips, attempting to remove the dryness in her mouth.

“You’re looking at me that way again,” Cullen said softly.

“How am I looking at you?” her question a response to his.

“Realisation, perhaps expectation?” he smiled. “You looked at me the same way back in Haven.”

“Did I?” she breathed. 

Kai could sense her heart racing as Cullen gazed at her, and a wave of heat worked its way through her body, causing her to flush. Cullen smiled as he noticed her reaction, his hands moving onto her hips, his head bent so his lips almost brushed hers. Her eyes closed involuntarily for a moment, feeling his breath on her mouth. 

“Did you want me back then?” he asked his voice low.

“Yes,” she confessed, breathlessly. 

She could feel the smile as his lips found hers. As the kiss built in intensity, his hands slid onto her bottom, drawing her into him, and her arms folded around his neck, dragging him against her. The memory of that night in his tent was bleeding in, but the excitement was more now, the burgeoning tension flooding into her. If they weren’t holding each other, Kai was positive her legs would buckle and give way, even though they were only kissing.

In all their time together, she had never experienced such an extreme reaction to Cullen, and she didn’t understand why it was happening. Most of the time they laughed before, after, or indeed during sex, but right now she had no wisecracks or quips. Her only thoughts were of him, and how much she craved and needed him.

Cullen broke the kiss, but there was a delayed response in her eyes opening. She still felt his lips on hers, a lingering sensation of what had been.

“We should take this someplace else,” he proposed, and moved to let go.

Kai stumbled, causing him to catch her. “I’m not...steady,” she wavered.

Cullen smirked, lifting an eyebrow. That simply made the unsteadiness worse, forcing her cling onto him.

“Need some help?” he offered, seeing her nod. 

He picked her up, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I love you so much,” she whispered, her cheek resting against his.

“I love you too. I’ll always love you, Kai,” he murmured tenderly.

Pushing the door open with her feet, they entered his bedroom. Kai saw his armour neatly hung up, typical for a Templar she thought. All those militaristic tendencies drummed into them. This time he laid her onto the bed. Taking off his tunic, he climbed on and rested against the headboard next to her, gesturing for her to join him. She shuffled over clumsily, hitching up her dress, before sitting on his lap, legs astride his. 

The feel of his erection pressing between her legs, with just a few layers of material between the two of them, shot another surge of heat into her. She reached for his breeches, but he stayed her hands. 

Kai was confused. “But...” she began.

“Not yet,” Cullen told her. “I’ve never known you like this before. I want to see more first,” he insisted. 

He nuzzled against her neck, biting her softly. That was her weak spot, and he knew it, she could never refuse him when he did that. The moans were more marked this time with her sensations heightened. 

His hands shifted to the front of her dress, slowly unhooking the bodice, allowing him to slide it off her shoulders and down her arms, removing it to leave her naked from the waist up. Being partially clothed made her feel more exposed and she trembled slightly. 

“I should have guessed, no breastband,” he remarked, with a seductive tone in his voice. 

She gasped, her eyes closing and her head tilting backwards in anticipation. His hands clutched her waist, raising her up and closer to him. She felt his breath on her before he tongued her left nipple gently, and then took her breast into his mouth sucking hard, as hard as he was gentle with her nipple. The moan that tumbled from her mouth was loud and wanton, a moan that demanded more. 

“Maker,” she gasped, shocked at her reaction. She couldn’t believe how delicious it felt, and she didn’t want him to stop. The pain was trivial compared the pleasure coursing through her body. Her hands were on his shoulders, fingers almost digging into him. As he did the same with her other breast, the moaning became more fervent. Her smalls were now soaked with her arousal and she wanted him so badly.

“Cullen, please...” she begged.

“Not yet,” he ordered, his voice rougher, as he seated her back onto his lap

His manner and the roughness in his voice weakened her more. She caught a glimpse of his face before he kissed her, and his eyes were so dark, with just a hint of amber left in them. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed herself against him, her legs opening wider. The kiss was gentler, but no less passionate. 

The combination of gentle and forceful was becoming too much. How long would he push her like this? She wanted to tear off his breeches, force him to fuck her, as the ache for him became overpowering. And then his calloused palms were sliding up her thighs, his thumbs rubbing on the inside of them as he moved higher.

He wrapped the sides of her smalls around his hands and just...ripped them apart, tugging them off. His hand now moved between her legs, parting her, his thumb finding the sensitive spot inside. All she could do was whimper his name. The movements of his thumb pushed her through what she thought was her limit, and then further.

Her hands fell back onto his shoulders, her nails digging in hard now, her head and body arched back. She thought she would die if she didn’t come soon. The ache was a heavy, driving pain, bringing her to the point of tears. 

“Please...” she pleaded.

His other hand grabbed hold of her head and brought her mouth onto his, his tongue thrusting into hers. It was enough to break her through, her whole body clenching then shaking from the ferocity of the release. She whimpered again, this time the sound lost in their kiss. He gently drew away his hand. 

Kai slumped against Cullen, his arms the only thing holding her up now. 

“Curiosity sated,” he said slightly breathless.

“Not the only thing...” she responded weakly.

Then the tired laughter began, both of them strained from the emotions built up. Her heart rate settled along with her breathing, and feeling stronger, she sat up, back onto his lap, with his erection now barely contained within his breeches.

Kai couldn’t resist another hark back to their first night. “Shame to let it go to waste,” she smiled.

“I had no intention of that,” Cullen smirked. “But can we get undressed first?” 

Kai nodded and moved off allowing Cullen to get up and take off his clothes. She stood up gingerly before shimmying out of her dress. She noticed her ripped smalls lying on the floor. That was two pairs now he owed her. Kai crawled back onto the bed and saw him sitting, pulling off his boots, his shirt already removed. She crept over and knelt behind him, tracing her fingers over the scars on his back.

“I want to learn all the stories behind these, every single one,” she sighed.

“Maker, I don’t remember half of them,” he remarked. “Why are you so fascinated?” 

“Curious I suppose,” she chuckled. “What can I say, I like finding out things, learning new things.”

“So I gathered,” he responded with a laugh.

As he stood up to take off his breeches and smalls, still facing away from her, Kai couldn’t resist the temptation. She leant forward and bit his buttock, not hard, but sufficient for him to feel it. The shock caused him lose his balance and tumble back onto the bed, one foot still in his breeches. She shifted backwards out of the way. Kai burst out laughing, hearing the muttering about surprise attacks. He yanked the breeches off his leg and came after her.

This time she didn’t run, and let him pin her down on the bed, sitting astride her. But she was still giggling, watching him groaning now.

“You are...” he gave a resigned sigh.

“Yes?” she grinned.

Whatever he was about to say, she didn’t discover, because his expression shifted as he gazed at her. The slight frown turned into a smirk, prompting her to sigh. Resting on his arms he bent down, his face close to hers, staring straight into her eyes. 

“Mine,” he declared, still smirking

She threaded her fingers into his hair. “Always,” she confirmed. 

Then smirking, she whispered, “I remember a promise, something about taking me in hand?” She saw the look of recognition. 

“Turn over,” he ordered, lifting up, allowing her to move.

Kai grinned, chewing her lip and flipped onto her stomach. The first smack was invariably the mildest, but they built up, a little firmer each time. He was never heavy handed, never harsh, it was always the just the right side of pleasure. At first it was gasps, and as he continued, the sensations fed into the heat rising inside her, and the moans came. Her buttocks were warm and smarting a little now.

“Enough,” she advised, and he stopped. “Thank you,” she smiled as she glanced back to catch his grin.

He leant down and whispered in her ear, “For you, always,” and kissed her on the cheek.

As Cullen rolled off the bed, Kai lay on her stomach watching him, twirling her calves in the air. From their first night together she thought he was the most beautiful man she knew, from his broad shoulders, awesome bottom, to his muscular arms and legs. But that was merely the exterior; inside he was kind, stubborn, strong and vulnerable. And she loved him so much. 

She sighed as he stood at the edge of the bed watching her. He beckoned to her. She shuffled over to him on her knees, getting a kiss as she reached him. He traced his finger over her scar as she traced her finger over his, both smiling. He then indicated with his head and she got onto all fours at the edge of the bed.

He pushed her thighs apart and even that felt sensual, just that simple action. His hands on her hips, he started to press in gently at first, forcing another gasp as he pushed deeper into her, until he was fully sheathed. She heard the grunt as her muscles initially tightened onto him. He pulled halfway out and then thrust in again, and then again, holding his pace steady at first. 

The tension coiled tighter inside her as his movements became faster, and she could feel the heat cascading through her. In this position, his thrusts were harder; driving deeper into her, and as much as she loved the intense sensations, she missed seeing his face and the way he stared at her. It always caused her to shudder when she saw him.

She could sense him swelling, his grunting getting louder and realised it wouldn’t be long. And for her just the thought of how much he was turned on pushed her over the threshold, and she clenched hard on him, this time with a scream as the orgasm swept through her. That drove him to come, thrusting hard with a loud grunt as he released inside her. He waited for a moment before drawing away and flopping onto the bed.

Kai crept back up the bed to Cullen and rested her head onto his chest, watching him. She idly traced a scar on his abdomen, waiting for him to get his breath back.

“Am I wearing you out?” she teased. She saw the raised eyebrow and reproving glance, and snickered. 

“Maybe one day, when I’m older and less fit, but not yet,” he pointed out, a smile crossing his face. 

“Good,” she acknowledged. “I hope there are many more years of ravaging left in both of us.” She chuckled, hearing the exhale.

“You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?” he groaned, rubbing his forehead with his thumb.

“Definitely not,” she said cheerfully. “It’s just too perfect to cast aside.”

“Andraste preserve me!” he exclaimed.

He moved to sit up, and she lifted her head allowing to him shuffle back against the headboard. 

“Come and sit with me,” he said, indicating for her to sit on his lap.

Kai got up and checked she could before sitting down astride him. The soreness had subsided enough. Cullen took her face into his hands, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. His expression was thoughtful now.

“I want to ask you a question, and please, this once, no jokes,” he insisted, watching her.

Kai knew this look. “I promise. Ask,” she responded.

“Why the gift?” Cullen inquired.

“I wanted to give you a focus, besides your work and me,” she explained. It was true, but only partially true, and from his face he knew that.

“And?” he urged her.

“I...can’t give you a child, so I gave you a mabari,” she conceded, blushing. She saw him smiling at her.

“Thank you,” he said tenderly, bringing her face to his, resting his forehead against hers, before kissing her, a slow, smouldering kiss. 

Eventually he broke away. “So I have both you and a mabari now,” he observed, smiling again. “What can I offer you?” he inquired.

“I have everything I require, Cullen. But if you could make Corypheus and his minions disappear, that might help,” she smiled.

He let out a chuckle. “Sadly that’s not within my remit, but I would if I could.”

“I know. Corypheus falls within my remit,” she sighed. “But for tonight, sod him, his bloody dragon and his damn minions!” she declared, punching the air.

“Sod them all,” he echoed, grinning. 

“There’s only one thing I want to do tonight,” Kai smirked, gazing at him.

“And what might that be?” Cullen asked knowingly, raising an eyebrow.

Kai pressed her lips to his ear, whispering seductively. “I want to fuck my Ferelden.”

Cullen whispered back. “And who might that be?”

“Confidentially, his name is Cullen Stanton Rutherford,” she confessed.

She heard the slight hesitation before he answered. “How did you find out?” he sighed.

“My Ambassador can be a mine of information when my Commander refuses to disclose his full name,” she snickered. “Don’t blame her, I discovered her weak spot and shamelessly exploited it,” she admitted.

“And what was that?” he challenged, his arms wrapping around her waist, tugging her against him.

“Uh-uh, that would be giving away my advantage,” she tutted. 

“Perhaps I could...persuade...you?” he drawled suggestively, running his hand up her back, his palm rough on her skin. 

He nestled his face into her neck, biting her softly. Kai moaned.

“So...easily,” he teased, his voice reverberating into her.

They both enjoyed this game too much sometimes, she thought.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen woke, the sunlight striking his face as it streamed through the divide between the drapes. He shuffled to move out of its path, moving closer to Kai’s naked body lying on her side, her back to him. She was fast asleep, breathing slowly, her hair shrouding her face like a veil as always. It was longer now than the short style she’d had when they first discovered her. He knew it bothered her occasionally, provoking her to pin it up out of the way, but he liked it. Kai never said, but he presumed it was her compromise, between her liking it shorter, and him liking it longer, settling at a mid length.

He reached out and stroked her hair, seeing her shuffle slightly and hearing the moan before settling again. Cullen teased her for being impossible and incorrigible, but most of all he thought she was incredible. She was certainly no saint, prone to grumpiness and annoyance the same as anyone else. But she had no sharp edges; there was never cruelty or malice. And she would give freely without asking in return. 

When Cullen thanked Alistair for allowing him to have a mabari from the Royal Kennels, he discovered how it came about. It was a favour she earned for resolving a minor land dispute between two noble houses, something that had festered on and off for generations, with just charm and a little bluff. A favour she had not collected for some years, choosing to use it for him, to give him a gift.

He resolved to wake her up and had just the thing. In the past he’d tried kissing her or caressing her, but quickly realised stronger methods were called for when she slept more deeply. He slapped her lightly on the bottom and instantly heard the groans as she came to. She shifted and sat up, her hair still covering her face, her eyes searching the room for some minutes.

“Where are we, and why is there no tea?” she inquired sleepily.

He’d obviously broken into a dream about tea. “We’re in Ferelden,” he explained.

“Oh...don’t they have tea in Ferelden?” she yawned, glancing at him.

Cullen laughed and shook his head, deciding to wait until she was more cognisant. It was these moments that made him laugh, when she was confused on waking, when she sat naked eating his sweets. She was just as naturally funny as when she was intentionally witty. After a few more minutes, she swept back her hair, and smiled at him.

“Good morning,” he greeted her, smiling back.

“Morning,” she responded, moving over to him.

He raised his arm, and she snuggled up to him, humming. He drew her closer as he leant to kiss her head and heard her sigh. Cullen was glad they were able to have time together on this trip, conscious that when they returned to Skyhold, their roles would keep them apart more. Kai would be back out on missions, while he would continue looking after the army and security for the Inquisition. 

It was a fact of their life together, not ideal, but he hoped that when this was all over, maybe they could spend more time with each other. As long as she was the Inquisitor, and he was the Commander, they would just have to make the most of each moment. 

He smiled thinking of whenever Kai returned from a mission. The first thing she would do, however tired she was, would be to come to his office, politely usher out anyone who was there, and fling herself into his arms. Only after she had her welcome back kiss, would she then disappear off to rest. It had grown into such an established routine now, when he heard the horn blow, he would feel the excitement knowing she was back. 

The touch of her hand caressing his chest broke into his thoughts.

“I wish...every morning could be like this,” she sighed.

“So do I,” he concurred. “Maybe, when this is all over, we’ll have more time.”

“You can make me tea as well. You, and tea in the morning, and my life is complete,” she said contentedly.

He moved up slightly, now staring down on her, as she looked back at him. She reached up, wrapping a curl around her finger. “You have bed hair,” she laughed. “It’s all curly...Curly.”

Cullen reached for her sides, tickling her and hearing the giggles. “So, you’ve been talking to Varric as well,” he mock scolded, but not able to suppress the smile.

“Yes,” she chuckled, trying to wriggle away from him, but he held on. “But everyone knows your nickname.” 

As much as he sought to straighten his hair, that wretched nickname would never leave him. That, and with the teasing from his fellow Advisors, he’d given up fighting back.

“What about yours?” he quipped, now leaning on either side of her on his elbows. “Dopey?”

“Hmm, never sure if it was meant to be indicative of an opposite, like when he calls Bull Tiny, or he actually thinks I am,” she pondered.

“I expect he’s just seen you in the morning, in camp. You do look like that for some minutes after you wake up from deep sleep,” he replied grinning. “Eyes glazed, no expression. Add a few moans, and you could be one of the corpses that stumble round the Fallow Mire.”

Cullen saw her mouth open wide, and then she started to laugh. “Actually, that’s probably not far off,” she eventually replied, smiling. 

How could he not love this woman? Cullen kissed her, feeling her mouth open when he pressed his tongue against her lips. Her tongue met his, gliding over it. She threaded her fingers into his hair, as his hand drifted down the side of her body, onto her hip...

“Inquisitor!” called a voice outside the door. 

Cullen recognised the voice as being Miller’s. They broke the kiss.

“Yes, Miller?” Kai answered.

“Sorry for the intrusion, I had to let myself in. There’s an urgent message from Sister Nightingale,” she advised them.

“Could you leave it on the table, I’ll check it as soon as possible,” Kai replied.

“Of course,” Miller confirmed.

“Thank you,” Kai answered.

They heard the outer door close. Cullen pressed his forehead against Kai’s, sighing.

“We had better find out what it says,” he told Kai, seeing her nod. 

When she got up, he noticed her glance at his coat, then grin and slip it on. He shook his head as she twirled and laughed, before opening the door and going into the reception area. It was a few minutes before he heard her call him, and from the tone of her voice, he knew the news was bad. He leapt off the bed, hastily donned his breeches, and went to her.

He could see the distress on her face, and her eyes glinting. She handed him the note, “Urgent, Inquisitor’s eyes only’. He turned it over, and read the message.

 

_Kai_

_We have just received news from your father, and I am so sorry to have to tell you your mother passed on following a stroke. He has requested that you return to Ostwick to be with your family during this time. We can make arrangements to cover your absence, but we will need Cullen to return to Skyhold to lend assistance._

_I’m so sorry, my friend. I feel with you, your mother was a wonderful woman._

_If there is anything you need, just let me know._

_Leliana_

 

“Maker! I’m so sorry, Kai,” Cullen said gently, holding onto her now. 

He could hear the sobs as she shook in his arms. Cullen knew what it was like to lose a parent; both of his were lost during the Blight. Kai seldom spoke about her family, but when she did talk of her mother, it was invariably with warmth. His heart ached for her, understanding the anguish she was clearly feeling. He wished he could do more, but all he could do now was console her, and held onto her until she was calmer. She peered up at him, her eyes red and puffy. 

“I should...let Alistair and Anora know...then make travel arrangements,” her voice was breaking.

He kissed her to give her comfort. “I love you, and whatever you need, I’ll always be there for you,” he said tenderly.

“I love you too. Thank you,” she replied gratefully.

Cullen took her back into the bedroom and helped her dress, before getting dressed himself. Kai was more composed now as they headed out together to find their hosts, but he could see how this news had stolen the light from her. 

He recalled her words after Adamant, _‘All we can do is make the most of what we have now. Who knows what Fate will throw at us?’_

It appeared Fate was more than a little focused on Kai Trevelyan.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai returns from Ostwick after her mother's funeral. Although happy to be back, she faces family problems that need to be solved, problems that could affect her future with Cullen.  
> .  
> .

Cullen heard the horn blow and smiled, knowing the Inquisitor had been sighted. They received a brief message saying it was likely she would be back today, and he couldn’t wait to see her again. Izzy sensed his excitement and gave a short bark of acknowledgement as he looked at her. She had sent a letter, with some brief information, but mostly saying how much she missed and loved him. He presumed she was tied up with family matters, not allowing her the opportunity to write again. 

This time he wasn’t going to wait for her to come to him, this time he would go to meet her. Cullen rushed across the battlements and down the stone steps to the bottom courtyard of Skyhold, with Izzy hot on his heels, in time to catch her riding in with two Ferelden soldiers. 

Alistair and Anora had guaranteed her an escort to bring her back to Skyhold, on top of arranging a ship to take her Ostwick. He would have preferred to leave their own soldiers with her, but Kai had insisted he take them home with him. Eventually he relented once of assured of her safety. 

Kai spotted him, and a huge grin spread across her face when she realised he was waiting for her, smiling. Evidently she was just as overjoyed to see him. She glanced at Izzy and then back at him before dismounting and leading her horse to the stables. He followed her, but Izzy ran forward first, sniffing around her. Cullen watched as she crouched down, and stretched out her hand, allowing Izzy to take in her scent before stroking her head.

“Hello Izzy, have you been taking care of Cullen while I was away?” she inquired, tickling her under the chin.

Izzy gave two short barks before looking back at Cullen. Even though she sometimes wandered around Skyhold, if his mood was low or the headache started, she was invariably there. Sometimes just resting in her bed watching, sometimes sitting with him, or nuzzling his hand for attention. Now he couldn’t imagine what it would be like not to have her with him, just as he couldn’t imagine his life without Kai. 

“Good girl,” Kai praised her. “He needs someone to keep him in hand, doesn’t he?” she quipped. Izzy barked a few times in response.

Cullen rolled his eyes. “I don’t need both of you ganging up on me. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” he retorted, seeing Izzy cock her head at him. He could swear she looked as if she was grinning with her mouth hanging open as she panted.

“You’re siding with her now?” he groaned, hearing Kai laugh.

Izzy came back to him, sitting by his legs. “Well, at least you remember who you report to,” he declared, as she barked her affirmation.

Kai smiled as she raced up the stairs to the upper level, gesturing for him to follow. 

“Wait for me Izzy,” he directed, as she began to amble about the lower level when he went upstairs. 

Blackwall was there, but quickly left after Kai spoke to him, brief acknowledgements of ‘Cullen’ and ‘Blackwall’ as they passed on the stairs. Kai held out her hand, and he took it, turning them both into a corner, out of view.

“Hello,” she greeted him, hugging him as he held her.

“Hello to you too,” he beamed, kissing her head, now resting against his chest.

“Maker, I missed you. How have you been?” she inquired, peering up.

“Me too, and I should be asking you that question,” he replied, smoothing back her windswept hair.

“I’m alright really, well mostly. Sometimes it just creeps up on me a bit,” she sighed. “But I’m ready to catch up. How’s it been?”

Cullen didn’t want to tell her everything, but his hesitation gave him away. “Well...” he began

“On second thoughts don’t tell me. Just talk about you,” she urged, looking a little disheartened by the prospect of what might be waiting for her.

“It’s been busy preparing for Halamshiral, but I’m fine. Better now that you’re here.” He could see her scrutinising his face as he spoke, seemingly assured that he was fine. He didn’t mention the dreams had been a little more frequent, likely owing to the workload. He recognised now that would occur, and afterwards it would settle again.

“But we can catch up more tonight. I thought dinner maybe, in your quarters?” he proposed. “My humble loft may be too basic after the more salubrious surroundings you’ve experienced,” he laughed.

Kai rolled her eyes. “You’ve never seen our home, old and cold. So your loft would not be out of place. However, I won’t say no to a warm fire and your company later,” she smiled.

“And chess?” he inquired, watching the smile turn into a grin.

“Ah, Commander, such a sucker for punishment. Don’t forget the bandages,” she answered, winking.

Cullen smirked, seeing her gaze fall on his mouth and hearing the sigh. “Don’t assume you’ll win, Inquisitor,” he countered. “You have been known to lose.”

“True, but we’ll see...” her hand caressed his lower back. “Do I get a kiss before I go?” she looked at him invitingly.

Cullen kissed her, the intensity of it reflecting their need for each other after time apart. It was more than a few minutes before they broke away. 

“Can I have more of that later?” she requested, eyes closed and humming.

“We’ll see...” he teased, noticing the smile. 

Kai opened her eyes. “If I told you I loved you, would that sway you?” she questioned coyly.

“Perhaps,” he suggested, shrugging, feeling Kai pinch his bottom. “Hey!” he protested.

“Well...the correct answer was yes,” she insisted, smirking.

“Alright then...yes,” he conceded. “Happy now?”

“Happy,” she affirmed, kissing him. “Can you arrange accommodation for Alistair’s soldiers?” she requested.

“Of course,” he assured her.

“Thank you. And I will see you later,” she smiled and stepped down the stairs.

Cullen grinned. He was undeniably happy she was back. He made arrangements for the Ferelden soldiers before heading back to his office with Izzy. 

\----------------------------------------------

Kai had just finished unpacking when Leliana arrived. She had dispatched a message asking to her come as soon as she could, she needed her friend. Seeing Cullen had brought everything into sharp relief. 

Leliana smiled when she saw Kai and hugged her. “How are you?”

“Not so bad now. I know haven’t seen Ama in months, but just thinking she was constantly there and we could write to each other was a comfort. But now she’s gone...” she sighed.

“I understand,” Leliana sympathised. “I received your letter, but I presume there is more than you mentioned in it?”

Kai nodded. “It’s a shambles, without Ama there, the family is falling apart. She was invariably the glue that held them together. Now without her...Maker, I tried to mediate, but now I’m just as much a complication as everyone else.” Kai gave a heavy sigh. “The only one who isn’t affected is Alex and only because he’s in the Chantry, head in the clouds as ever. I envy his ability to divorce himself from reality.”

“Kai, focus please. Tell me what happened,” Leliana said gently.

Kai sat on the couch and Leliana joined her.

“Well, you know Wilhelm and Papa had already been arguing again before I arrived,” Kai saw Leliana nod. “At least they managed to be civil and present a unified front at the funeral. Oh, don’t let me forget to tell you about that, it was certainly...unusual.” 

She cleared her throat seeing Leliana’s raised eyebrow, and realised she was digressing. 

“Afterwards, I eventually got them to sit down together, I offered to be arbitrator, and determine if we could arrive at an understanding. But the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, not to mention Papa never disguises his scorn for Habren. To be honest, she is vain and self-centred, so I can’t blame him. Had Elena not died...well, his three children have an excellent nanny at least.” 

Kai paused, realising she was meandering again. “Sorry. To cut a long story short, the arbitration ended up in a massive argument, and...Papa is now threatening to make me heir instead.” She looked at Leliana, noticing the astonishment on her face.

“That was my reaction. Gobsmacked I think is the most pertinent description. Wilhelm is now furious with me, Papa says good riddance, and I’m stuck with a potential millstone around my neck. I did attempt to point out this is something Wilhelm was raised for, not me. Do you know what he said?” 

Kai saw Leliana smile, she’d guessed already. “You’re in charge of an Inquisition?” she proffered.

“Exactly that. No matter how hard I sought to explain it’s purely with the aid of three talented Advisors, and a whole plethora of other people, he wouldn’t listen. Plus I can’t continue the line, so it would have to pass to Wilhelm or his children anyway. But...Papa’s being awkward and I don’t think he’s thinking clearly. He misses Ama. So you can appreciate how I’m now part of the problem. I need Josie to source a skilled mediator, someone impartial to sort this mess. My brother will be a good Bann and that’s his inheritance.”

Kai sat back, exhaling. Just speaking about it brought on that depressing feeling again. Her father and brother could be so ridiculously stubborn and incalcitrant.

“I’m sure Josie can arrange that, and that issue can be readily dealt with. But you mentioned in the letter, he wanted you to return anyway?” Leliana inquired.

“Yes, after we complete our ‘holy mission’, he says, I’m to return to Ostwick,” she bemoaned. “I appreciate I have obligations to my family, but...I don’t want to go back,” she revealed.

“I can understand why,” Leliana replied gently.

“I couldn’t drag Cullen into that way of life, he’d loathe it. And call me selfish, I love him and don’t want to be without him.” Kai hated the thought she may have to choose one or the other, recognising she had loyalties to both. “Leliana, to use the aptest term, I’m royally screwed.”

“Are you going to tell him?” Leliana asked her.

Kai stared at Leliana sadly. “I don’t know. Maker help me, I promised myself I’d be open with him, but knowing will just make him unhappy. Right now I can’t see a way out without upsetting someone.” 

Leliana took her hand. “Even if you can find an alternative, he will have to know sooner or later, Kai.”

“I know,” she exhaled. “But not just yet. We’ve got Halamshiral to negotiate first, and we all need to be at our best for that. Afterwards I’ll think on it some more and see if I can come up with something. In the meantime, I need to talk to Josie about a solution to the Bann thing.”

Leliana appeared deep in thought, and Kai waited for her. It wasn’t often she opened up revealing her deeper feelings or thoughts, so used to hiding them now. Not difficult as she was trained as a bard. That openness Kai knew before was buried away, with just her humour remaining. Kai was thankful at least part of what Leliana used to be was still there. When she spoke, her tone was a little sad.

“Being the Left Hand, I sacrificed much to support Justinia. We were so close, it wasn’t just a role, it was working jointly for a shared goal, helping people, my duty being to protect her. I owed her that and more. I know you don’t think I failed her, but I nevertheless wonder if there was more I could have done.”

“Leliana, I didn’t know her as you did, but from her message, I think she felt the same. The things you had to do to keep her safe, the burdens you took on,” Kai squeezed her friend’s hand.

Leliana sighed. “Believe me, I have no regrets for choosing that path, but...sometimes I have speculated what my life would be like if I hadn’t. Where would I be, what would I be doing?” 

She faced Kai. “Cullen is a good man, even after everything he has been through. It’s clear you are both good for each other. All I would suggest to you is, honour your duty if you must, but not at the expense of your chance for happiness.”

“Thank you,” Kai replied. She gently tapped Leliana’s forehead. “If your immensely clever head comes up with any ideas, I’m all ears,” she smiled. 

“I promise,” Leliana smiled back. “So, you mentioned something about the funeral being unusual?” she asked.

Kai let out a chuckle. “Yes, unusual is one way of describing it. Ama became rather friendly with a Sister in the Chantry, an older woman, whose mind wandered a little, shall we say? I met her once, she was amusing too. Probably why Ama liked her. Well, Papa asked Alex to organise the funeral and Alex, in his wisdom, arranged for her conduct the service, knowing Ama was friends with her. It was...well...I’ve not usually heard muffled titters at a funeral service before.”

Leliana looked intrigued, and a little puzzled. “Muffled titters? Explain please.” 

“She was reciting Transfigurations as part of the service, and well...not as one typically would. It’s perhaps best if I show you. Let me see if I can recall the little missteps.” Kai cleared her throat, put on an older, slightly croaky voice and went ahead.

“Many are those who wander in sin,  
Despairing that they are lost forever,  
But the one who repents, who has faith  
Unshaken by the darkness of the world,  
And _roasts_ not, nor gloats  
Over the misfortunes of the weak, but takes delight  
In the Maker's law and creations, she shall know  
The _peas_ of the Maker's benediction.  
The Light shall lead her safely  
Through the paths of this world, and into the next.  
For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water.  
As the moth sees light and moves toward flame,  
She should see fire and go towards Light.  
The _Veal_ holds no uncertainty for her,  
And she will know no fear of death, for the Maker  
Shall be her _bacon_ and her shield, her foundation and her sword.” 

By the finish, Kai was struggling to maintain a straight face, and Leliana had her hand over her mouth, covering a small grin. 

“You mimic voices rather nicely, my friend. By any chance, was she originally from Denerim?” Leliana asked, the full smile now pushing its way out.

“Yes, Sister Theohild. She moved to Ostwick after the Blight. You know her?!” Kai exclaimed.

“We met her in Denerim during the Blight; she was reciting the stanza like that back then too. Evidently it became established in her head in that form. I remember Alistair said he preferred her version of the Chant,” Leliana informed her, still smiling. “What did your father say?” Leliana asked.

“Annoyed would be an understatement. Alex was summoned for a dressing down about how he’d embarrassed the family at such a sombre occasion. I admired his response. ‘Ama would have loved it, and wasn’t it her funeral after all?’ he declared, utterly mystified at the fuss. He was right, she never looked at death as something to be sad about,” she responded.

Kai smiled at the memory, Ama would have been laughing the loudest, funeral or no. What was it Mother Giselle had mentioned about some seeing laughter as antithetical to the Chant of Light? Her mother never saw it that way, to her laughter was essential, especially laughing at one’s self. Something she had tried to remember, ‘if everyone takes you seriously, take yourself the least seriously’. 

But repeatedly, the threads led back to Aedan again. Whereas before it was a consolation, a tie between them, now it was taking on a somewhat uneasy feeling. So many coincidences were too many to be just coincidences, and she truly did not like what that might infer. Kai refused to believe in destiny, or fate, or predetermination, because that meant no choice, no free will. The notion that no matter what you did your path was already laid before you, was too disconcerting. She refused to be just a chess piece on a board, moved at the whim of some higher power.

Kai wasn’t conscious she was frowning. 

“Kai? Are you alright?” Leliana was peering at her anxiously.

“Sorry, just wandering in my thoughts. I’m fine,” she reassured her.

“Good. I should get back. There’s still intelligence I need to co-ordinate for our meeting tomorrow, and you should see Josie. I know she will be happy to see you. There’s also something she needs to talk to you about. But I will leave that matter between you and her. Come and see me afterwards though.” Leliana hugged her again before leaving.

Kai stared at the stack of paperwork on her desk and decided Leliana was right, she should visit Josephine first.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first thing Kai noticed was the flowers on Josephine’s desk. Her desk was generally meticulously neat to the point of austerity. These were prominently on show.

“Nice flowers,” she smiled, touching them lightly, watching for the response.

“Has Leliana told you?” Josephine sighed, glancing up.

“No. Why, should she have?” Kai questioned, still smiling. “So, who is it?” 

“If you must know, they are from Blackwall,” she admitted cautiously, still writing. Kai marvelled how Josephine could maintain a discussion and scribble away at the same time.

Kai’s eyebrows shot up, she hadn’t seen that one coming. “So, are you and he...?”

Josephine put down her pen. “Alas, no. There are too many differences between us in station. It is ‘la splendour des coeurs perdus’. When a passion is known but cannot be consummated even though the would-be lovers wish it with all their yearning. Leliana tells me he slips out and hikes to the high slopes above Skyhold to where these flowers grow. They are delivered to me anonymously.” 

Kai could see how wistful Josephine looked. She understood the concept, but always thought it unfair on those who experienced it. To not be able to be with the one you love because of class, it was pain borne of social pretension. 

“So, perhaps Cullen and I should not be together for the same reason?” she challenged. It was pressuring her a little, Kai knew.

“That is entirely different, Inquisitor. He is the Commander of the Inquisition, a worthy position,” she responded adamantly.

“Josie, he’s a farmer’s son. He would not have that rank if there was no Inquisition,” she argued. “And I wouldn’t care either way.”

“You have the luxury of not needing to care. You are not the heir to the head of your house,” Josephine answered decisively, making her point.

“Ah well, you may be mistaken there, and that’s what I came to talk to you about,” she sighed now catching an expression of surprise on Josephine’s face.

“The prospect of being designated heir to the title of Bann Trevelyan is currently a nasty little threat sitting over my head. Please could you find me a patient, extraordinarily able arbiter to mediate between my brother and my father, to make this problem go away? And I would be grateful if this remains between us. Leliana also knows, should you require any information from her, and of course whatever they may need from me.”

“Oh...I see. I’m certain I can locate someone appropriate for the task. Please leave it with me and I will update you as soon as I have a suitable candidate.” Josephine became her usual reassuring self.

“I appreciate that, thank you,” Kai nodded gratefully. 

“There was another matter, Inquisitor. I...” Josephine hesitated, uncertain, something Kai rarely saw. 

She rose from her desk and came over to her. “I informed you previously of my family’s history. Well, the financial position is more precarious than I indicated. We have, in fact, been in debt for over a century.” She sighed heavily, hands clasped together. “I had hoped to reinstate us as landed traders in Orlais, with that we could rebuild. But Leliana informs me the carriers taking the documentation to Val Royeaux have been murdered, and the documents destroyed.” 

“Maker, Josie! Who would do that?” Kai queried, astounded.

“I don’t know, but we have a lead. Comte Boisvert, a nobleman in Val Royeaux claims to have information on who was behind this. He has requested that you accompany me when I go to meet him. He will use us, but if it can help us discover why this happened, I would ask that we indulge him.” She looked pleadingly at Kai.

“Josie, consider me your escort to meet this Comte Boisvert. It will have to be after Halamshiral I presume? We could travel on after the Ball?” Kai offered, seeing Josephine’s face smile in gratitude, before reverting to its normal calmness.

“Thank you Inquisitor. Yes, that would be best. I will make the necessary arrangements,” she agreed and returned to her desk.

Kai had a thought before leaving. She remembered a fancy lingerie shop in Val Royeaux, and someone still owed her two pairs of smalls. After briefly considering dragging Cullen along with them, she dismissed the idea. Even she could not tease him so. But he would damn well pay for them. Fancy undergarments, she thought, smiling as she stepped out into the Great Hall, heading off to see Leliana.

\--------------------------------------------------------

“What sort of move is that?” Cullen asked, looking bemused.

“The sort to produce precisely that reaction,” Kai laughed, hearing the groan. “Follow the potentials rising from it,” she hinted, taking another swig of ale.

She reached over into the basket for another pastry, adjusting her position on the rug. Lying on the floor wasn’t as comfortable, but it was warm in front of the fire, and there was room to sprawl.

Cullen stared at the chess board, running through the permutations. She could see his hand go to pick up a piece, then pause and retract it to reflect further. This continued for a few minutes before he smiled. He confidently picked up a piece and moved it. 

“Right, let’s see what you can do with that,” he grinned. He now reached into the basket, snagging a pastry.

Kai scrutinised the board, working through the potential moves left. He was going to win, that wasn’t in doubt, but she could stretch it out a little more. She moved another piece, noticing the frown now.

“Cullen...” she drawled.

“Bottom of the basket,” he answered, not glancing up.

“How did you know?” Kai inquired.

“It’s the way you say it, it’s the tone you use when you want the sweets,” he responded, peering at the pieces before taking a bite of the pastry.

“So...I’m predictable, is that what you’re suggesting?” her tone inquiring, but challenging him too.

He looked up, finishing his mouthful. “I wasn’t...I mean...ugh...it’s just the tone I recognise,” he conceded. “Can we just play this game,” he continued impatiently.

“Sorry,” Kai apologised, taking out the sweets carefully from the bottom of the basket. She hummed and popped one in her mouth.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s just you seem to be so focused on potentials and predictable tonight. Where is this all coming from?” he was staring at her, puzzled.

From a long line of what if’s and maybe’s, she thought. Varric had set her off again when she wandred around checking in with her companions. It was the expression he used about her either being guided by some higher power, or having the worst luck. Nevertheless she did like his idea about her saving the world with a song. If only it was that simple.

“I’ve been reflecting a lot lately about how I ended up where I am, wondering how many things happened, or had to happen, or didn’t happen, to arrive at this position. And where did it all start?” Kai exhaled out a deep breath. “It’s just...I don’t know...ugh...words are mush,” she huffed.

Cullen laughed. “Now that’s an admission I never expected to hear. You’re struggling for words?”

Kai rolled her eyes. “Just shut up and open your mouth,” she directed, shuffling over to him with a sweet in her hand.

“Wait, how can I do both?” he teased.

“Now you’re being obstreperous,” she scoffed. “I’ll eat it myself.”

“I’d rather you do that move again,” he beamed.

Kai grinned, and put the sweet into her mouth, then pressed her mouth onto his. As he opened his mouth, she slipped the sweet in with her tongue. Backing up to kneel, she watched him eat it, smiling as he did.

“What if I hadn’t given you the sweet? What if I had eaten it?” she asked sighing, dipping her hand back into the box.

“Kai, this is developing into a fixation now. Please can we just finish our game?” he appealed.

“I suppose I am overthinking this, maybe a little,” she admitted, placing another sweet into her mouth. Before she could chew, Cullen grabbed her, drawing her to him.

“Another, please,” he demanded, pressing his mouth against hers. Kai gave him the sweet in the same manner.

“I thought you wanted to finish the game?” she insisted.

“I do, but maybe I would like to kiss you first,” he smirked, moving her onto the floor, before leaning over her.

She threaded her fingers into his hair as he kissed her. She could still taste the sweetness in his mouth mixed with a bit of ale. But he always tasted of something sweet because he had a shockingly sweet tooth as she had discovered. Much more than hers, and she was decidedly partial to sweet things. 

Eventually they broke the kiss, but before he moved away, Cullen whispered in her ear. “There’s something else in the basket you might enjoy.”

“What would that be?” she murmured back, kissing his jaw, hearing the slight groan.

“Blueberry pastries,” he announced, watching the smile break out on her face.

“Why are we still lying here?” she asserted, pushing him up.

“Spurned for a blueberry pastry,” he claimed mock dejectedly.

“One must have priorities,” she retorted, copying Dorian’s manner, and seeing the chuckle. 

Kai crawled over to the basket and sifted through the contents until she located the box, opening it. She felt Cullen behind her, his arm slipping around her waist, and snickered.

“So this is the competition,” he quipped, peeking over her shoulder. 

“Mine too, don’t forget,” she nudged.

He reached over and snatched one, backing away with his prize. Kai had the other, and there they sat like two children filling their faces with sweet pastries. At least this time she got something she wanted too. 

“So, shall we conclude our game now,” he suggested, licking the sugar off his fingers.

“You do know, this game is yours,” she advised him, doing the same.

“Yes, but I’m having fun watching what you do to drag the game out,” he laughed. “You assumed I wouldn’t notice, didn’t you?”

“Maybe...” she admitted coyly, before smiling widely.

“I don’t mind, I can wait. The reward is mine anyhow,” he smirked, catching the look and sigh.

Kai cocked her head. “Can I presume from that remark you like seeing me on my knees, Commander?” she asked suggestively.

“Only in certain circumstances, Inquisitor,” he pointed out, smiling, moving a piece on the board. “Besides, I believe your tally of rewards rank higher than mine. This is merely evening the score.”

“This is true,” she observed, moving one of her pieces. “Cullen?”

“Yes Kai?” 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Kai saw Cullen move his piece into checkmate and glanced up to see the smirk again. A sigh came before she got up and went to him. He stood up and kissed her, drawing her to him. She could feel him as she pressed her body against his. Breaking away, she pushed him against the wall, wetting her lips, before kneeling down, watching as his hands loosened his breeches.

It didn’t actually matter who won the game, the reward worked both ways. As it did with most things between the two of them, whatever they were. Kai knew she had to figure out a solution, because she couldn’t, or more precisely didn’t wish to imagine her life without Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Chant of Light is taken from DA and belongs to Bioware  
> .  
> .


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halamshiral Pt 1
> 
> The Inquisition attends the Grand Masquerade at Halamshiral, to prevent the assasination of Empress Celene. Kai meets another figure connected to Aedan, and perhaps a chance to learn something that has puzzled her.  
> .  
> .

Kai heard the superiority in the voice as the female figure made its way down the stairs; recognising her from the description she had. Evidently she had been in the Library, although it looked clear as Kai walked through returning to the Ballroom. 

“Leader of the new Inquisition, fabled Herald of the faith. Delivered from the grasp of the Fade by the hand of blessed Andraste herself!” Morrigan strode up to Kai with a smile and light mocking tone.

Half of Thedas probably knew who Kai was. She was resigned to the fact she had very little privacy in public anymore, and not just because she was the Inquisitor. There was renewed talk about her involvement with the Hero of Ferelden, and theories about how this one woman was connected with two such significant events in the history of Thedas. She wasn’t the only one with those connections, but the wild ideas floating around focused specifically on her, from Andraste’s Herald to the Maker’s Chosen One. 

_Focus Kai, you have too much to do right now, she thought._

What Morrigan didn’t appreciate was that Kai was perfectly aware of who she was. The stories that emerged around Aedan barely alluded to Morrigan, unlike his other companions whose names were well known. Leliana had warned her before they arrived that it was Morrigan who was Celene’s occult advisor. Kai knew Leliana mistrusted her, considered her scheming and ruthless, and was suspicious of how Morrigan had inveigled herself into the Orlesian court and the Empress’ circle. 

Kai had turned to Aedan’s diary, something she seldom read now. She knew that Morrigan had quit the party in Redcliffe before they marched to Denerim, but only that. There was no reason offered, and no further mention made of her. She just disappeared, and not even Leliana knew why. Alistair had asked Aedan, but he was given no reason either. It was a puzzle, and Kai had always been curious why she departed so abruptly.

Now she had an opportunity to discover what occurred, but was conscious she had to be careful how she approached Morrigan. She was cunning that much was clear, but she could also be arrogant, and perhaps that could be exploited. However, right now locating the assassin took priority. Maybe later a chance would present itself.

“Hello Morrigan,” Kai replied smiling, observing a brief flash of disquiet pass over her face.

“Ah of course,” Morrigan said, now composed again. “I should have deduced your Spymaster would have informed you of my presence here.”

Kai was quite content for her to labour under the illusion Leliana was the sole source of information she had. 

“Indeed she did,” Kai confirmed. “So, shall we skip the pleasantries and get down to business? You evidently sought me out for a reason.” She was still smiling.

“Direct I see,” Morrigan responded, now smiling back. “Very well.”

Kai listened patiently as Morrigan detailed finding a Tevinter agent in the palace, how she’d been forced to kill him, and then retrieved a key from his body. She could guess where the key might lead. The servant’s quarters she presumed. The whispers from the Elven servants indicated something was wrong in there, those that entered never reappeared. Kai’s attention was drawn back to Morrigan, who was now regarding her attentively.

“You are not what I expected,” Morrigan observed.

“What were you expecting?” Kai inquired, her face serenely calm. 

“Someone less composed, less pragmatic,” she explained, awaiting a reaction.

More how I used to be, Kai thought. Funny how ten years, and people seeking to kill you wherever you go, can transform you. There had been discussions about Kai between Aedan and his companions, she learned that from Leliana. 

“Sorry to disappoint,” Kai smiled, pocketing the key. 

“It was purely an observation, Inquisitor, nothing more,” Morrigan replied, still scrutinizing her. “‘Tis often hard to detect the individual under the title and its trappings. And you and I are both aware where any information would have come from.”

“Perhaps we are at that,” Kai confirmed. And you’re fishing, she thought, but I’m not biting. 

Morrigan waited a moment before turning to leave. “I look forward to seeing the outcome of this evening, Inquisitor. If your reputation indicates anything, it shall be most interesting.” And with a flourish of her voluminous skirt she was gone.

And that was one thing Kai was thankful for, that they had dress uniforms rather than having to wear the overblown contraptions most women in the court favoured. Apart from all the sashes, it fitted reasonably well and would be easy to remove for armour, should they have to engage in combat. Not to mention Cullen looked particularly captivating in his, and she would have fun peeling him out of it later. She smiled, distracted for a moment, before returning to the Ballroom to check in with her Advisors.

Leliana was in conversation with one of the nobles, so Kai continued to Cullen instead. He seemed in need of rescuing, so she interrupted and took him out onto the balcony.

“Maker’s breath! A moment of peace, finally. These people just won’t leave me alone,” he complained. His shoulders relaxed from the rigid stance he adopted inside.

Kai couldn’t resist teasing him. “Commander, has anyone ever told you that you have the most remarkable eyes,” she parroted in an Orlesian accent, a smirk playing on her face.

The scowl she received in reply was enough to force out a laugh. “I’m sorry,” she apologised. “But she did make an accurate observation. You do have remarkable eyes,” she smiled.

Cullen rolled his eyes, but he was grinning now. “I see. Is that all?” he inquired, glancing around before taking her hand.

“Cullen, are you asking me to massage your ego now?” she tutted, interlacing her gloved fingers through his.

“It’s not my ego I was thinking of,” he responded, smirking.

This time the sigh was supplanted by a choke as a laugh and cough tried to break out at the same time. “Just when I assume I know you, you surprise me, Cullen,” she admitted, clearing her throat. “That was...unexpected.” 

He tugged her closer and whispered. “You’re not the only one who can be suggestive you know.” 

Certainly unusual in public she thought, although he was considerably less inhibited in private now. Kai smiled.”So it would seem. What have I unleashed here?”

“That, you will discover later,” he murmured, leaning forward to kiss her. 

The tone of his voice sent a ripple of warmth through her. “Will I now?” she purred.

Their lips had almost met when there was a forced cough. They saw Leliana and Josephine standing there, grinning at them both. Kai glanced to see Cullen’s cheeks redden a little, doubtless wondering how much they had heard. They let go of each other’s hands and stepped apart.

“You wished to speak with me, Inquisitor?” Leliana asked.

“Actually all of you,” Kai answered. “But I didn’t want to _interrupt_ , Leliana,” she continued, with an arched eyebrow to emphasise her meaning. 

She guessed Leliana might have spotted her escaping with Cullen and dragged Josephine along just to catch them. As much as they had sought to be discreet in public, sometimes they simply weren’t capable of being so. It wouldn’t be the first time they had been caught kissing by Leliana or Josephine. Thankfully this time, it wasn’t quite as heated.

“Oh it was fine, Inquisitor. I was simply catching up with an old acquaintance,” she said nonchalantly.

“Right. I just wanted to advise you I think I have a key to the servant’s quarters, courtesy of Morrigan,” she declared, pulling out the key. “I’m going to grab the others and investigate. There’s clearly something going on there, let’s see what we turn up.”

“Please come and find us after you do. Perhaps there will be information on our would be assassin? I’m also disturbed about how the talks are progressing, or not,” Josephine indicated to the table inside where Celene, Gaspard and Briala all were. She was positioned close by, surreptitiously watching their discussions. “At least they are still talking,” she sighed.

“Just be vigilant. Morrigan always has an ulterior motive,” Leliana warned. 

Kai nodded. “Trust me. I take nothing at face value, certainly not here,” she replied. “Besides, caution is my middle name,” she grinned.

Cullen cleared his throat noisily, and Kai turned to stare at him. “Something to say, Commander?” she questioned.

“Just a dry throat, Inquisitor, nothing more,” he responded.

“Perhaps you should accept one of those drinks your followers keep offering you,” she retorted, noticing the frown appear.

“Don’t remind me,” he grumbled, as the three of them tittered. “I’ll just be grateful if they could keep their hands off me.” 

Kai bit back a remark, he’d endured enough already without her adding to it. “I’m certain your fellow Advisors can drag you away to confer with them from time to time, couldn’t they?” Kai looked pointedly at Leliana and Josephine.

“Of course we could, Inquisitor,” offered Leliana. “Although it does seem a little unfair to deprive them of their lion,” she remarked.

“Their what?!” Cullen exclaimed.

“I overheard two of them comparing you to a lion, with your blonde hair and amber eyes,” Leliana trilled. 

The expression of surprise turned into a grimace. “Andraste preserve me!” he groaned loudly. “Is there no end to this nonsense?”

Kai pressed her lips tightly together surpressing a laugh. “Well...actually,” she began before being interrupted by the glare she saw Cullen give her. “Perhaps I should be elsewhere,” she coughed.

“I’m starting to wonder which is worse, suffering at the hands of these nobles, or enduring the taunts of my colleagues,” he complained, leaving to return to his position.

“Leliana!” Kai hissed, grinning.

“Pfft, I’m confident you can assuage his annoyance later. Maybe still the beast?” Leliana threw back before disappearing, both her and Josephine giggling now.

This time it was Kai’s turn to blush, Cullen wasn’t the only one subjected to teasing. She groaned and headed off to round up her companions.

\------------------------------------------------------------------ 

It was a good job they’d taken their gear with them, it turned out they needed it. The servant’s quarters, not to mention the grand apartments, were literally crawling with Venatori. That, and bodies of dead servants and a Council of Herald’s attaché stabbed with Gaspard’s dagger, signified quite plainly that the assassination attempt would take place tonight.

They also encountered Briala, coming to investigate what happened to her people. She had suggested a possible alliance. Cassandra was increasingly exasperated at the whole affair, deploring the corruption endemic in Orlais.

“More politics and double dealing. Is there anyone here who is not corrupt?” she moaned indignantly.

Dorian sighed. “So much conniving and back stabbing here. Makes me homesick,” he lamented, smiling at the disgusted noise from Cassandra.

“Briala’s right about one thing, Boss. Judging by what we’re uncovering, I suspect you will be dragged into these negotiations,” Bull told her. 

Kai stuck her hand into her pocket, feeling the Elven locket there. They discovered it in a private vault of Celene’s. What purpose it might serve she wasn’t certain, but she took it on the off chance it could help. She learned from Leliana that Celene and Briala were rumoured to have been lovers in the past. As yet it was just another piece of a bigger puzzle. But Bull was correct, they were becoming increasingly embroiled in this whole affair, more than simply stopping an assassin.

“We should get back and let my Advisors know. But be ready, I suspect we’re not finished yet,” she warned as they headed back in.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

It was Leliana who noticed the Inquisitor coming back in, only to be accosted by Grand Duchess Florianne, both of them now heading for the dance floor. She came over to call Cullen away and as they leant on the railing, she gestured for Josephine to join them. 

“Look at the Inquisitor’s face,” Leliana pointed out quietly. “She holding herself well there, not giving anything away.”

From what Cullen could see she just looked serene, but she held that expression most of the time he’d seen her when on show. A trick she’d evidently learnt from Leliana. Before they arrived, she’d spent time with both Leliana and Josephine, learning how to behave, how to play the Game. He knew how much she detested this falseness, yet had no option but to play along. 

“Why is Florianne so interested in her? We must find out what they are discussing,” added Josephine. “The negotiations have stalled, and I’m not confident they will resume. It does not look promising.”

“If it ever was, Josie. I think an outside influence may be called for to impose a solution, or we will lose Orlais completely. And that will play in Corypheus’ hands.” Leliana insisted.

Cullen understood what she meant. “If we can ensure a strong Orlais, we should be able to obtain the aid of their army. That could make all the difference if we have to face his forces again. I agree with you, but...you know she won’t like that.”

Leliana faced him. “Just because she doesn’t like the idea doesn’t mean she won’t do it. She just needs the proper incentive.”

“You want her to drive them together?” Josephine asked.

“No Josie, she needs to choose which one will lead Orlais,” Leliana answered decisively.

“Are you serious? It should be Celene,” Josephine insisted.

“I’m not so sure, let’s see what we find out first,” Leliana replied. “Look, here she comes.”

The three of them converged on the Inquisitor as she came to meet them, moving to a corner out of earshot.

“What did you find out?” inquired Leliana.

“Where do I start? Well, Venatori everywhere, so they definitely have inside help; Gaspard’s dagger in a dead Council of Herald’s envoy; and Florianne has just sought to persuade me Gaspard is the traitor. She says the captain of his mercenaries is in the Royal Wing. But...it’s all a little too pat for my liking,” she notified them.

“So the attack will happen tonight,” Cullen replied, seeing the Inquisitor nod.

He knew his men were nearly all in. Leliana’s agents were smuggling them in a couple at a time. He already heard remarks about there being more Inquisition honour guards now, and recognised they had to be discreet about the number on show.

“Celene won’t leave if we warn her. Even though the peace talks are crumbling, that would admit defeat,” Josephine told them.

“Then maybe we let her die,” Leliana remarked.

“We came here to prevent that!” the Inquisitor hissed back sharply.

“Listen to me,” Leliana’s tone became commanding. “In order to thwart Corypheus, someone must emerge victorious, only if the Empire remains strong will we have a chance against him.”

He agreed with Leliana. “She’s right. It doesn’t have to be Celene,” he echoed. 

Only Josephine was against this, but that was evident from their previous discussion. “Do you realise what you’re suggesting, Leliana?” she exclaimed.

Cullen could see the Inquisitor’s face darken. She looked at each of them in turn. “You are asking me to choose aren’t you?” she challenged, frowning.

“Whatever happens here tonight will impact all of Thedas,” Cullen insisted.

“We need a decision, you must chose someone to lead Orlais,” added Leliana.

“Then we should choose Celene, she is the rightful ruler.” Josephine appealed to them.

“I say Gaspard, providing his sister is wrong about him,” Cullen offered.

“I say Briala, with Gaspard as her mask. She could bring peace to the Empire and the Elves.” Leliana suggested.

The Inquisitor looked stern, her arms folded. “I never walked into a negotiation without as much information as I could get, let alone what you’re charging me to do.” Her tone was reluctant.

“You _must_ make a decision, Inquisitor. Even inaction is a decision. The future of Thedas hangs in the balance here.” Leliana was pressing her hard.

The Inquisitor paused for a moment. “I want to talk to them all first, and then investigate the Royal Wing. Cullen, get your men into position, and Leliana get me access to the Royal Wing.” She glanced at all of them. “You’ll get your decision, but I’m doing this my way,” she stressed forcefully, before striding away.

She wasn’t thrilled, Cullen knew. But if there was one thing he learnt about the Inquisitor, once she was set on a course of action, she would see it through. Whether it was her, or as she often cited a Trevelyan thing, she’d pursue it to the bitter end. Cullen appreciated they each suggested people who they considered best based on their own prejudices. She had to sift through and make her choice. He didn’t envy her, whatever decision she reached would have a lasting impact, through Corypheus and beyond. If they defeated him. Knowing her, she would have one eye on the future as well as the present. 

Cullen saw Leliana smile. He looked quizzically at her. 

“She will make a choice now, the best she can with all the information she gathers. But she will stick with it no matter what anyone else suggests. You just have to nudge her occasionally, show her there is no alternative,” Leliana said knowingly. 

“You should remember that, Cullen,” she added enigmatically, before wandering away.

He shook his head. He assumed it applied to Kai and himself, but sometimes he wished Leliana would just say it straight. Cullen reluctantly returned to his position, bracing himself for the renewed onslaught. Only a little longer, he hoped.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Kai had managed to speak to Briala, Celene and Gaspard, carefully teasing out the information she needed to know. Gaspard was unquestionably an old school Orlesian, seeking to use the throne to extend the borders of Orlais. She’d used the Elven locket with Celene and Briala, confirming what they had suspected. In the Royal Wing they discovered more information establishing Celene and Briala had been lovers. An Elven servant they rescued from a Venatori assassin was eager to testify in return for protection.

But it was discovering one of Gaspard’s officers shackled naked to a bed that provided the most hilarity. Even with all the dangers they encountered, this had be one of the funniest things she’d seen that evening. He’d given up Gaspard’s plans in return for favours from the Empress. Favours he most definitely did not get. Celene had played him with the oldest trick in the book. “Classic honeypot” as Bull put it. Apparently Celene wasn’t averse to getting her own hands dirty, or she would have never survived all these years on the throne.

Kai got the impression the three main players were all being manipulated, and had her suspicions as to who was behind it. However, it was Bull who voiced it.

“This whole situation seems contrived, Boss. The clues are too clumsy. I guess she’s too wrapped up with this damn Game to figure out people from outside will see it differently,” he declared.

“I had the same thought Bull,” Kai replied as they advanced further into the Royal Wing. “Dangerous machinations, my...” but before she could finish, her mark flared indicating a rift nearby.

The four of them looked at the door, picking up the sizzle of a rift behind it.

“I’m thinking trap, definitely trap,” remarked Dorian.

“I’m thinking more Vints to kill. This party is looking better already. Maybe I won’t be wearing someone’s skull as my fancy little mask after all.” Bull was smiling.

“Can we just get on with it? The sooner we deal with this, the sooner we can get out of here,” Cassandra grumbled.

“With pleasure, Cassandra. My suggestion, lets employ violence,” Kai grinned.

Bull laughed. “I’ll go with that suggestion, Boss.”

The crashed through the door, to find themselves facing Venatori archers, an unopened rift and Grand Duchess Florianne with a smug smile on her face.

“Ah Inquisitor! I wasn’t certain you would attend, you’re such a challenge to read,” Florianne announced.

“I’m afraid I’m rather busy at the moment if you were looking for a dance partner,” Kai quipped.

“So I see, such a pity,” she replied. “You’ll miss all the excitement. Corypheus insisted Celene die tonight, and I’d hate to disappoint him. And no one imagines I would be the one to kill her. I shall relish the look on Gaspard’s face when he realises I’ve outplayed him, not that it will last long though.”

Kai remembered Leliana’s observation that the easiest place to strike, was from Celene’s side. Well, you couldn’t get closer than family, not to mention the least acknowledged, least regarded member of the family.

“Why are you doing this, what’s in it for you?” Kai inquired.

“The world of course. When Corypheus ascends to godhood, I will rule all Thedas in his name,” she proclaimed.

“How many people has he promised this to? He’s going to need a colossal throne to seat all these arses on,” Dorian whispered wryly.

Kai controlled the laugh wanting to break out, but couldn’t stop a smile. “I thought Corypheus would be used to disappointment by now,” Kai replied, the smile still on her face.

“So foolish. You don’t recognise when you are out of your depth, Inquisitor. Kill her and bring me the marked hand as proof,” Florianne instructed as she turned and left.

The archers fired, and they all dodged, then Kai opened the rift before they could fire again. It meant that they had demons to contend with too, but so did the Venatori. Demons weren’t finicky about their targets.

As the four of them ploughed in, Kai heard Bull.

“Did I mention I love hitting things!” he yelled.

Once or twice Kai thought as she stealthed and drew on the rift.

\-------------------------------------------------

They were waiting for the Inquisitor to return, but she was away longer than they hoped she would be. Cullen started to worry when an Elven servant turned up requesting protection. From her story, the Inquisitor had rescued her from a Venatori agent in the Royal Wing. Where there was one Venatori, there were invariably more. Cullen got one of the soldiers to take her to their camp for safety. 

The three of them moved to wait for her by the door to the Ballroom, and he was more than glad to escape his ‘followers’. The Empress was due to make a speech, and it appeared she would announce the peace talks had broken down. If the Inquisitor did not return shortly with a solution, the ceasefire would be over and the civil war would likely resume. They would lose Orlais and perhaps even Thedas. And there was still no word on the assassin. His men were in place, but without information on a target, they were working blind.

He could see Briala waiting, ready for the speech and Florianne and Gaspard making their way to the front of the Ballroom, when the Inquisitor appeared, along with Cassandra, Dorian and Bull.

“Thank the Maker! We were beginning to worry what happened,” Cullen declared, Josephine and Leliana standing beside him.

The Inquisitor smiled at them. “I have what I need. And if you’ll excuse me, the Grand Duchess and I have some unfinished business,” she replied.

“But the Empress is about to begin her speech!” Josephine exclaimed.

“Oh, I think she may forgive me for the interruption,” she added, stepping past them.

As the Inquisitor strode across the dance floor, Cullen could see the court taking notice. The chatter ceased, as all eyes followed her. 

“What happened in the Royal Wing?” inquired Leliana.

“Boss found your assassin and is just about to carry out our mission, prevent an assassination,” Bull told her as the Inquisitor stepped up to the Grand Duchess.

They, along with the court, watched as the Inquisitor outed Florianne as the traitor, seeing her crumple to her knees, sobbing, before being taken away by the guards. 

“Oh, Orlesians,” sighed Dorian. “The only people where public humiliation ranks worse than death.”

Then they heard the Inquisitor. “Your Imperial Majesty, I think we should speak in private, elsewhere,” she requested. She strode out onto one of the balconies, accompanied by Celene, Gaspard and Briala.

“Well, she made a decision,” Leliana assumed. “Let’s see who we will be working with.”

“I’m just glad there was no assassination,” Josephine replied, relieved. 

“Let’s wait and see before we call it over,” Cullen cautioned. “There may be still Venatori around.” They wouldn’t know if it was clear without a full sweep, but that was the job of the Orlesian guards. The Inquisition had no jurisdiction here.

Leliana was satisfied with the information discovered, and Josephine with the acclaim gathered, but what he was particularly grateful for, was that Kai had made it through the evening, alive and in one piece. He was quite conscious he couldn’t shield her from what she had to face, but each time she came back, he thanked the Maker. 

As they waited for news, they saw Gaspard being led away by guards. Looks flashed between them all. 

“Maker, both of them?” Josephine gasped. “We have to speak with the Inquisitor as soon as we can. We need to know what she discovered and how deep this goes.”

It was barely a few minutes later when the Inquisitor, Celene and Briala appeared, all smiling. They conferred briefly before Celene addressed the crowd. The startling part of the Empress’ announcement was that Briala was now Marquise Briala of the Dales. When the speeches were over, the Inquisitor came to find them.

“Interesting choice, Inquisitor,” noted Leliana.

“I assume you want to know the reasons for my decision?” she inquired. “You requested a strong Orlais, you’ve got one. An Empress with no challenge to her throne, and a...friend...who brings with her an extensive spy network to bolster her rule,” she advised them. 

“And Gaspard?” asked Cullen.

She sighed. “Gaspard was plotting a coup; more than enough to be charged with treason. He had...expansionist aims, and I made a promise to an old friend that he wouldn’t need to worry about Ferelden being occupied. I presume you wouldn’t like the prospect of your homeland being a province again?” She studied him inquiringly.

Cullen shook his head. After their conversation with Alistair, he could understand her decision. 

“But we have what we require to fight Corypheus. And if you’ll forgive me, I feel the need for some fresh air,” she said wearily. “Perhaps we could talk more later.”

A chorus of confirmation came from the three of them. Cullen sensed the tension in her, after keeping it contained all evening she needed to release it. He watched as she walked out onto the balcony, leaning over it, her shoulders slumping a little. He knew that sometimes she needed time alone. They both had moments when they wanted peace from everything, even each other. Kai would find him when she was ready.

Cullen had to get some of their soldiers out before the Orlesians realised how many they had slipped in. However indebted Celene felt to the Inquisition, finding that out might not aid relations. He set off after Leliana.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Kai heard the swish of a skirt behind her and groaned inside. Not another Orlesian, she thought, twisting around to see that this time it was Morrigan.

“Inquisitor, hiding from the congratulations of the nobility?” she questioned.

“Admiring the beauties of Halamshiral,” Kai answered, forcing a smile. “How can I help you, Morrigan?”

“Ah, the Empress wishes to offer you any and all aid in your quest to defeat Corypheus, including mine,” she announced, waiting for Kai’s reaction.

“I see. Is that what you want, to join us?” Kai met her gaze. 

“I am not joining you, merely a liaison. Another tool in your arcane arsenal, to assist in your fight against Corypheus,” Morrigan declared.

Kai studied her for a moment. “Then I welcome both hers, and your offer of assistance,” she smiled and nodded.

“A most gracious response,” Morrigan smiled.

“I only have one request,” Kai said, still smiling.

“And that would be?” Morrigan asked.

“That this time you stay the course, Morrigan,” she insisted, the smile gone, replaced by a resolute stare.

A brief flash of confusion passed across Morrigan’s face, followed by an equally brief scowl, before her expression cleared and she responded.

“Corypheus threatens us all, myself included. You will not find me unwilling to see this through to its conclusion,” she answered with a lingering trace of annoyance. “I will meet you back at Skyhold.” With that Morrigan left. 

Kai knew she had probably ruined any chance of finding out what she wanted to know, but after the strains of the evening her patience was stretched a little thin. One thing she didn’t need was this woman running out on them as she had with Aedan. 

Kai stood back from the wall; she’d spent enough time out here. There was just one person she wanted to see right now. She smiled, however much she was the Inquisitor when they were working, in his arms she was always just Kai. Tonight that was all she wanted, to be in his arms and be herself. And now he had a new title. It would likely bother him a tad, but he’d get over it, or reprimand her, which could be fun. 

Kai went off to find the Lion of Ferelden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For information there is a particularly beautiful song called the "The Lion of Ferelden".
> 
> https://youtu.be/-oA-OvP3vME


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halamshiral Pt 2
> 
> Lost tempers, confessions, nightmares and comfort.  
> .  
> Some NSFW  
> .  
> .

Kai searched around for Cullen with no success. The festivities were still ongoing, and her search was disrupted by nobles accosting her to offer congratulations. In the end, she figured he might have gone to his room to escape, so made her way to the wing they were housed in. Now her need for respite and comfort was a little more pressing. 

Going from ‘that Marcher’ to ‘Hero of the Hour’ proved how transient and fickle these people were. As much as Orlais was glamorous and beautifully presented, it was also desperately shallow. The members of court were like actors on a stage, playing their pre-arranged parts, all within a script no one could deviate from. That was the Game they were locked into. And she loathed it.

All she wanted was reality again, messy reality. And her Lion, so she could stop playing the role of Inquisitor, even if only for a few hours. Two people kept her anchored, Leliana and Cullen, and she was immensely grateful to have them both. But right now, it was Cullen she needed.

Bounding up the stairs, she wandered along the corridor to his door and noticed it was ajar. With everything that had occurred tonight, she was wary. Taking a small blade from underneath her tunic she carefully opened the door wider, peering in before entering. What greeted her inside was the last thing she expected to see.

Cullen was pressed up against the wall by one of the nobles who had hovered around him during that evening. Well, she supposed it was one of them, but some were so similarly dressed she couldn’t be certain. Then she heard the voice, it was the ‘remarkable eyes’ woman, her hands clutching for his tunic as he sought to hold her back.

“Commander, taken does not mean married. You should allow yourself occasional pleasures,” she crooned.

All evening Kai had remained steady and smiled, endeavouring to protect these ridiculous people from bloodshed, and here was one of them molesting her man. It was too much. All the stress and irritation boiled up. Kai’s patience, already worn thin to the point of transparency, snapped. Her temper surged and exploded, and all her usual restraint was ripped away. 

As she marched angrily into the room, the blade heralded her presence, flying into the floor, burying itself next to the offending woman. Not near, but sufficiently visible to declare Kai was there. The woman paused and turned slowly with a shocked expression on her face, to see Kai bearing down on her, eyes blazing, jaw clenched. Grabbing the woman’s forearm tightly, she yanked her bodily away from Cullen. 

Kai wasn’t the most powerfully built woman, but much stronger and fitter than she’d been before, and certainly more than capable of dragging the slightly built Orlesian across the room and throwing her out of the door into the hall, before slamming it shut behind her.

Her heart racing and breath rapid, she glanced back to see Cullen’s astonished face. This was a side of her he had never seen, a side that even startled her. She so rarely lost her temper she could count the number of times on one hand. The immediate menace dealt with, her body instantly started to settle and embarrassment flooded in, reflected in her face as she blushed and her jaw unclenched.

“I...” she began, uncertain what to say. 

Cullen was staring at her, still silent. Nervous of what he must think, and mortified by her behaviour, she figured it was better to just leave. Don’t make a bigger fool of yourself babbling now, she thought. Let the dust settle and then...

Kai opened the door and hurried to her room. Letting herself in, she perched on the bed, frustrated and annoyed with herself for overreacting. She had a sufficient grasp of vocabulary to have forced the woman to leave without resorting to throwing blades. Shit, what was she thinking?

And Maker knew what Cullen would think now, a wild eyed mad woman perhaps. Well, from her behaviour, he wouldn’t be mistaken. Another bloody blip, she reflected cynically. That’s what comes of too much pressure, and too strong a trigger. A randy Orlesian attempting to seduce the man she loved was an immensely powerful trigger. She groaned aloud, her palms cupping her face as she replayed it in her head. She should apologise to him, it was outrageous.

There was a knock at the door, but Kai ignored it. A minute later another knock, this time louder, and the door opened. Cullen looked in, spotting her sheepish expression as she met his gaze.

“Well?” he questioned, arms folded, standing in the doorway.

Kai groaned plaintively. “I’m so sorry. I just...lost it when I saw that wretched woman pawing at you...it was too much after everything else today...I...don’t normally behave like that...uh...” She stalled, glancing down shamefaced.

She could hear his footsteps walking across the carpet towards where she sat. Then seeing his boots as he stood before her she lifted her head, noticing the blade in his hand.

“I believe this is yours,” he declared calmly, handing her the blade. “You put some power behind that throw. It left quite a gash in the floor.”

Kai scrunched up her eyes momentarily before accepting it from him, blushing as she laid the blade on her bedside cabinet.

She faced him, intending to apologise again, but hesitated seeing a bemused smile appear on his face. “Why...are you smiling?” she asked mystified.

“No one has come to my rescue quite like that before, and I must admit you had me somewhat stunned. You’re quite a force of nature, you know that,” he acknowledged, sitting next to her.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought it was you at the door, until she came in. Then I couldn’t get her to leave. These people really don’t like to take no for an answer do they?” 

No they don’t like to be told what to do, she thought. 

“Even so, I should have behaved better. Maker, I truly am a wild eyed mad woman, aren’t I,” she groaned, with a nervous smile.

“Oh, I would have phrased it differently,” he chuckled, glancing aside at her, a grin on his face.

“Really, what would you have called my embarrassing lapse in sanity?” she questioned, sighing, expecting a joke.

Cullen cupped her cheek in his gloved palm. “I was thinking more like...beautifully fierce, passionately protective,” he announced, brushing his thumb against her face. 

Kai’s jaw dropped. This was not the reaction she was expecting. Was he serious?

“Nothing to say? It appears I have a gift for silencing you,” he smirked. 

Kai was too bewildered even to sigh.

“Just remind me never to get on your bad side,” he laughed.

That made her laugh too, breaking the tension she felt. She glanced down, scratching her head absentmindedly.

He leant forward, his lips against her ear. “And maybe a little hot?” he whispered.

“Oh...” was all she could say before he lifted her chin to kiss her. 

It wasn’t long before the kiss became more fervent, and his hand drifted down her body gripping her hip hard. Her blood burnt as he drove her backward onto the bed, his legs pushing hers apart. She hoisted her leg over his hip, forcing him tight against her. Judging by the hardness in his breeches as he pressed between her legs, she wasn’t the only one aroused.

Suddenly she felt something strike her sternum, a short sharp pain. She flinched, an ‘oww’ tumbling from her mouth into his.

Cullen pulled back. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I don’t know, something just...hit me,” she explained, rubbing the sore spot.

Kai looked down and saw a metal button resting on her tunic and then noticed one of the buttons on his tunic was missing. She picked it up and presented it to Cullen. 

“Point blank calibrations, Commander?” she quipped, smirking.

He peered down at his jacket, grumbling. “Damn, I knew I should have had this jacket let out before we came.”

Kai giggled. “Too many sweets, perhaps?” she teased.

Cullen arched an eyebrow. “This came off the chest, not the stomach,” he corrected. 

“Oh, I see. Too much training then?” she retorted with a grin.

“I have to maintain my stamina to handle your demands,” he shot back, smiling.

“My...what?” she questioned incredulously. “Since when do I make demands?” she huffed.

“When you look at me like that, with those eyes,” he claimed, his tone lower. “Tell me that’s not an invitation. Well?” 

“I...” Kai paused, trying to figure out a comeback as he stared at her. Not aided by the heat flowing into her face. “An invitation is not a demand,” she eventually said.

“Always an answer with you,” he sighed.

“Then maybe...you should shut me up,” she whispered suggestively, winking.

Cullen smirked again, this time prompting a sigh. “Now that’s a demand,” he teased.

Kai’s groan was cut off as he claimed her mouth, their lips kissing and teeth nipping as the embrace became more heated. Maker, she was becoming awfully hot in this uniform and was just about to suggest they get rid of their clothes, when she felt Cullen pull away. He backed up and got off the bed, indicating for her to follow. 

“Cullen?” she queried, confused.

He caressed her scar. “Do you trust me?” he asked, scanning her eyes.

Kai didn’t need to think about her response. “With my life,” she assured him, seeing him smile.

“Will you place yourself in my hands?” he requested, and she nodded in reply.

He removed his gloves, the sashes and belt, and took off his tunic, before doing the same with hers. She noticed the grin and the head shake as he realised she was sporting a breastband. 

“Now you wear one?” he laughed.

“Josie insisted. She was a little horrified at the prospect that I would be naked under the tunic, you know, in case something happened,” Kai confided. 

“Perhaps she considered a bare breasted Inquisitor a little risqué,” she quipped.

Cullen laughed louder this time. “That wouldn’t be the word I’d use,” he smirked, gazing into her eyes.

Her body answered with a slight shudder. Cullen grinned seeing it, and sat her down, tugging off her boots and socks, and then stood her up. He loosened the laces on her pants before sliding them off. Now she was standing in just her undergarments, while he was dressed, albeit only from the waist down. 

Maker, he looked better like that than when he was fully dressed. She bit her lip and sighed. Cullen picked up two of the smaller sashes.

“What are you up to?” she inquired, cocking her head, curious.

“It’s a surprise,” he replied.

“Oh...OHH, are you...?”

“Are you going to chatter?” he interrupted, giving her a steady stare. 

Kai opened her mouth to speak then reconsidered and closed it, smiling and shaking her head.

“Good,” he smiled. 

He used one of the sashes to blindfold her and raised her chin with his finger to kiss her. 

“I think I shall enjoy taking this one out of your hide,” he murmured against her mouth. She gasped as he slipped his finger under her breastband, running it over her breasts before taking it off. 

He buried his face in the juncture of her neck and chest, biting softly, as his palm cupped her breast, caressing it. She moaned, clutching his shoulders as her legs clenched, and her head tilted backward. Not seeing, just feeling, made it more intense. His hands stroked their way down the sides of her body onto her hips, under her smalls, forcing them downward until they fell onto the floor. 

She was naked before him, completely in his hands and subject to whatever he planned to do. Maker, she was so turned on right now. He took her hands from his shoulders, and she sensed silky fabric being wrapped around her wrists binding her, the action forcing out a deep anticipatory inhale. This was new; he’d never done this before. 

“Thought you might like this,” he murmured in her ear, his tone low and seductive.

“Yes,” fell out, barely a whisper. Like was an understatement, her body was responding way more strongly than like. Reaching forward, she stroked his chest as best she could with her hands tied, needing to touch him. He gently withdrew her hands and doubtless seeing the confusion, reassured her.

“You’ll have your chance later,” he soothed, picking her up.

She felt him twist and sit on the bed, putting her onto his lap, then flipped her over onto her front, stretched over him, her hips resting on his thighs. The anticipation was exquisite, and her fingers and toes wiggled reflexively as she shivered. There was a gentle laugh when he obviously spotted this.

“You know there’s something quite illicit about seeing you naked and bound lying across my lap,” he admitted, his voice a tad rougher, as he stroked her bottom.

“Sweet Maker, how do you think I feel,” she exclaimed. 

“I think I can hesitate a guess,” he answered.

The tone of his voice blending with the touch of his calloused palm against her skin, made her want to beg him to quit teasing her, but she held fast, waiting. The first smack drew out a gasp, and as he continued, moans accompanied each subsequent one. This time the sensations were more powerful, her breath ragged, the tension in her core tightening, her cheeks rosy and tingling, and the top of her thighs now slick with arousal. 

She heard Cullen calling her. “Kai?”

“What?” she panted, her head fuzzy.

“You’ve haven’t said enough. I think I should stop,” he cautioned with concern in his voice.

“Ok,” she conceded, still breathless. Her buttocks felt hot, but right now every part of her body felt hot. 

“Let me help you up,” he offered, lifting her into a kneeling position.

Kai sensed the bed rise as Cullen got up. She supposed he was removing the rest of his clothes now, but still couldn’t see. And her arms were still bound. Kai waited and then felt the bed dip as he sat back down. 

“Take my hand and come with me,” he instructed.

She could hear him climbing up the bed and shuffled after him.

“Come and sit with me,” he said. “I have a pillow here for you.” Cullen’s hands grasped her waist, helping her to move closer.

“Thank you,” she smiled, as he seated her onto the pillow in his lap, her legs astride him. Her hands reached for him, finding his chest, her fingers following his body along his neck to his face. She shuffled forward, opening her arms to hook over his neck, drawing her closer to him.

“Are you planning on keeping me bound and blindfolded?” she purred, her lips finding and kissing his jaw as she spoke. She caught a groan as she followed the kisses with her tongue.

“What do you...want?” he asked, his voice stuttering a little.

There was only one thing she wanted. She pressed her breasts against his chest. Maker, he wasn’t much cooler than her. Her mouth met his, and she nibbled his lower lip. “You, I want you,” she insisted, her voice sultry. “Take the pillow away.”

“Kai, it’ll hurt,” he warned, doubt in his voice.

“Doesn’t matter,” she breathed. “Do it.” 

“I’m not su...” he began, but she silenced him with a kiss. 

Forcing him to open his mouth to accept her, the kiss became passionate and feverish, his arms now wrapped around her waist holding onto her. She could feel his heart racing, the speed matching her own. She knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him. 

She pulled back. “Do it,” she repeated and felt the pillow slip away.

His hands moved back onto her waist, lifting her up into a kneeling position. She felt as he readied himself with the top of his cock sliding in slightly, before he held her again seating her down onto him. They both groaned as he thrust deep into her. There was some discomfort as her buttocks hit his thighs, but the ecstasy as he filled her to the core overwhelmed the pain.

Instinctively she rolled her hips on him, and his hands gripped her waist as he plunged into her, both moving as one, over and over again. She didn’t know where she ended and he began anymore, both of them lost in their need for each other. Their pace became fiercer, faster, the tension pushing them on, bodies burning, groans and gasps falling from their lips. Her fingers were clutching onto his hair, his hands tightening onto her body, fingers digging into her flesh. She couldn’t ever remember it being this urgent, almost desperate, before. 

Her body felt as if she was immersed in tension and heat, and finally she crashed through, the release surging through her. She screamed out his name, shaking now.

“Maker,” he grunted loudly as her muscles reflexively tightened on him. 

She felt him swell and pulse as he came, jerking her down hard onto his thighs as he shuddered under her. They slumped against each other, breathing laboured, hearts still sprinting. Only then did she become conscious again of the discomfort in her cheeks. But she honestly didn’t care, she had the man she loved, and that was all that mattered. 

“Are you alright?” he asked breathlessly.

“I’ll be fine,” she replied equally breathless. “Don’t worry.”

Cullen took off her blindfold. He was grinning, looking as happy as she was. Kai brought her hands back over his head, and he loosened the sash holding her wrists together, before lifting her off him and shifting the pillow back underneath her. It was when she glanced back at him she noticed his hair, totally dishevelled now. 

“You have bed hair,” she snickered.

“I’m not surprised, the way you were tugging at it,” he laughed. “I half expected to see clumps of it in your hands,” he added, shaking his head. 

“Oh Maker, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise,” she apologised.

“I suspected as much. You did seem a little wild,” he smirked. “Maybe we should get you angry more often?” he teased, his hands caressing her.

“Hmm, maybe not. I’m not altogether sensible, as you discovered earlier,” she sighed.

He smiled and kissed her, and she kissed him back, and then again. This continued for a few minutes, both of them laughing, refusing to quit. 

“Enough,” he finally said, still laughing. 

Cullen saw Kai smiling, chewing her lip as she stared at him. She laced her fingers into his now loose hair and brushed her lips against his ear.

“My Lion of Ferelden,” she purred. 

Cullen groaned. Maker, not this. “Kai, really? You too?” he protested. 

He wished she’d never heard that ‘lion’ comment now, she would play this for all it was worth. Probably payback for all the times he called her Katarina.

“Cullen, you misunderstand,” she responded, facing him.

“Do I?” he challenged, folding his arms across his chest, eyebrow lifted. “Explain to me how.”

“I appreciate it started as a taunt, but I’m serious now. To be called a lion is a tremendous compliment. They represent bravery, courage, and strength in overcoming adversity. All things you are and things you do.” Her face was earnest as she spoke. “I couldn’t be prouder of you, the man I love, the man I want to always be with.” She brushed his face with the back of her hand, her gaze locking onto his.

Cullen uncrossed his arms, and held her face in his hands drawing their foreheads together. Kai had turned something ridiculous into something heartfelt and poignant. 

“I love you,” he declared.

“I love you too,” she replied. Kai touched her fingers to his lips. “I never want to be without you,” she added wistfully.

“Well, notwithstanding what we yet have to face, I have no intention of being without you,” he stated resolutely.

A frown passed over her face before she glanced away. He brought her back to face him, recognising something was wrong. When she became quiet and pensive, something was invariably on her mind, or upsetting her. 

“Kai, talk to me,” he said softly. “Whatever it is, I’m here.”

Her eyes scanned his for a moment, and then she sighed heavily. He was now worried, there were no jokes, no lightening the mood, none of her natural levity. She reached for his hands, tugging them down and holding them in front of her, more tightly than normal. When she spoke, watching him, he could sense the strain in her.

“I had intended to wait until I discovered a solution before telling you, but...perhaps you should know. It’s only fair.” She sighed again, her thumb rubbing his hand as she held it. “My father has asked me to return to Ostwick after we defeat Corypheus...well, presuming we discover a means to achieve that...anyway...I’m to go back and take up my duties again. But...I don’t want to leave you, and I know you would hate that life.” 

She breathed out slowly before continuing. “What I’m trying to say is... a life without you wouldn’t be a life for me anymore.” Kai stared at him pleadingly.

“Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed. His impulse was to rub the back of his neck, but that would mean letting go of her hand, and he couldn’t break their connection. 

“There’s something else too,” she continued. “He wants to make me heir, but I think that can be sorted more easily. Josie is sourcing a mediator to help bring him and my brother back together. My father...is struggling to cope without my mother and...he’s just overreacted. I’m sure that can be settled.”

That Cullen could understand, he couldn’t imagine being without Kai. He’d never considered them being apart, not like this anyhow, and here he was confronted with the prospect of losing her, not in battle, but to her family. Of course she had obligations to them, but he could see how much she wanted them to be together. She let go of his hands and he drew her to him.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” he inquired gently.

“I didn’t want to worry you. You have enough to endure, and I didn’t want to make things worse,” she confessed. “I’m sorry,” she added quietly.

“Maybe you should stop trying to carry everything and let me worry about you a little,” he answered, his fingers stroking her hair. 

“Coming to my rescue now?” she asked with a weak chuckle.

“And why shouldn’t I?” he challenged. “You’ve always been there for me, with me, accepted me for who I am. Why shouldn’t it be my turn now?”

How many times had she given of herself, never asking for anything in return. It was his chance now, and although he wasn’t sure how yet, he knew two people eminently qualified to help him with a problem like this. Cullen certainly wasn’t going to give Kai up without a fight. 

She was smiling at him, her eyes bright. “You’re so determined when you decide on a course of action. I mean, I’ve seen it before, but never quite like this,” she enthused. “I accept your kind offer.” She nodded in acknowledgement.

“I wasn’t aware you had a say in the matter,” he teased, watching her grin and then laugh.

It was more muted than her usual laugh, but nevertheless comforting to hear. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll find a way, together,” he reassured her.

She laid her head against his chest.

“Now what?” he inquired.

“I’m listening,” she responded, smiling.

“Alright, I’ll ask. To what?” he sighed.

“To kindness and strength,” she explained, raising her head and replacing it with her hand. “You never lost them, ever.”

“Who knew, you are a romantic after all,” he announced, grinning.

“I...what...? I was simply...being...honest,” she floundered, blushing.

“Of course you were,” he replied, smirking. “I obviously got the two confused,” he added, seeing her look at him curiously. 

“You said that to me before, when we...”

“I remember,” he interrupted. “And now, I suggest we get some sleep,” he insisted. “Do you need help?”

“I’m good,” she acknowledged, moving off him.

As Cullen got comfortable, Kai waited for him. He lifted his arm, and she shuffled into his embrace, resting her head on his chest. He smoothed his thumb lightly across her forehead, listening to her hum for a few minutes, before it ceased. Her breathing was rhythmic now, and he realised she was asleep. Closing his eyes, he could feel her breath flow onto his chest and fairly soon sleep caught up with him too.

 

**  
Trapped in the cage, pressure weighing him down and pain driving through him. Images, horrific images in his head and dead, distorted bodies around him. He struggled to explain, but they didn’t listen. Why do they never listen? Can’t save them, too late, blood mages everywhere, their corruption polluting everything. His angry, fearful eyes watch them climbing the stairs to the Harrowing Chamber. 

Another voice in his head, “Cullen.” 

No, no, no, not again, no more “Leave me,” he cries.

He senses a presence and looks up from where he is kneeling, praying for release. A woman stands where the four were just a minute ago, a green veil masking her face. She looks human, but he’s been deceived with that trick before, never again. 

“Leave me!” he cries louder. “I will not listen to your lies,” he shouts. He prays harder, closing his eyes, rocking in pain and fear and anger.

Movement. He hears the swish of her dress coming closer. He opens his eyes in a slit seeing her walk to him. The cage snaps away as she crosses the threshold. The pressure releases. His hand reaches for his sword; he must kill her before she hurts him. He can take no more of this torture.

“Cullen,” the voice speaks again. 

Soft, soothing, like a cool palm on a fevered brow. He wavers, unsure.

She is standing next to him, hand outstretched. “Let me help?” she offers, this time the voice sounds clearer and somehow familiar. 

His body reacts to her offer before he can think, his larger hand now gripping her smaller one. He sees the glove is gone as her skin touches his. In that moment the pain, anger and fear are forced aside to the margins like a bubble expanding. He recognises they are not completely gone, but he feels free, he feels himself again. He looks up. She is bending down, still holding his hand. 

“Stand up,” she instructs, firmly but kindly. 

This time he thinks she is speaking aloud, but cannot see under the veil. He stands up, the heaviness falling away as his Templar armour falls away with it, replaced with leather, lighter armour and a maroon coat with a mane. He is no longer in the Tower, but standing in his office. He sees who he is now.

He hears a soft chuckle “There you are,” she lilts. She squeezes his hand, before letting go, and turns to walk away.

He sees who she is now, he knows her so well, but why is she veiled? “Kai, why do you hide?” he asks, his hand reaching for her arm.

She turns back, but as she does, he can hear another voice, faint, distant, calling his name. As the image starts to fade, he hears her voice, this time she sounds sad. “It went wrong, I should...”

**

 

Cullen woke up to see Kai’s concerned face watching him. He sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“Another bad dream?” she asked, sounding worried. “You were moaning and writhing in your sleep. I wasn’t sure at first whether to wake you.”

Cullen knew why, occasionally he was confused in that initial waking up phase and could lash out, unsure whether he was still dreaming. Luckily for Kai her reflexes were sharp, and she dodged that first time. She was invariably more careful after he explained what he saw in his dreams, and why he could react that way. But this one was unusual; Kai had never shown up in these dreams before. 

He understood what some of it represented. She had done more than anyone to give him a foundation, to give him certainty and support in his life, allowing him to recover. What he couldn’t understand was why he saw her as veiled, hidden, nor what her final words might mean. It felt like he’d heard them before, but couldn’t recall where.

“Yes,” he answered. 

She shuffled closer and held him. 

“I didn’t mean to worry you,” he said, his hand stroking her back.

“Oh, I think I’m allowed to worry about you a little,” she replied gently, kissing his forehead. “You don’t get a monopoly on that, you know.”

“Alright,” he conceded, smiling.

She smiled back at him. He gazed into her face, deep into her eyes, as she looked at him. Kai was still open, even though she had become more serious, more considered, after becoming Inquisitor. That change was understandable. But he couldn’t help wondering...

“Maker, Cullen. Are you trying to stare into my soul now?” she asked laughing, her eyes darting away, before looking back at him. 

There was a slight blush in her cheeks, and Kai was fingering his coin on her necklace. Cullen knew her well enough to see she was a little nervous; maybe he’d worried her more than she admitted. Even though the dream was different, he knew what soothed them both afterwards.

“I was just wondering how much time we had before breakfast,” he smiled, seeing her hand still and the grin come.

“What did you have in mind?” she smiled broadly, arching an eyebrow.

“I place myself in your hands this time,” he offered, watching her pupils widen as she leant forward.

“It might be more than my hands you get, but I don’t think you’ll mind,” she purred, drawing her tongue along his jaw line.

“I wouldn’t...complain,” he stuttered. When she kissed or drew her tongue along his jaw, he could imagine how she felt when he bit her neck.

“Didn’t think so,” she teased.

She pressed him backward onto the bed and started to kiss and tongue her way down his body. Just thinking about what she could do to him with her mouth, her hands, her tongue and even her teeth, made his body respond. He groaned when she took him into her mouth, his hands clutching the bedclothes. 

Even though her focus was on Cullen now, what he called out in his dream, not to mention the way he stared at her afterwards bothered her. Maybe she was mistaken, maybe it was something else. There was enough to contend with as it was; they needed to sort out how they could be together first. One thing at a time, Kai, she thought, one thing at a time.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Val Royeaux  
> Kai goes with Josephine to see Comte Boisvert. While they wait for Leliana, Dorian and Bull in the plaza, they see something that shocks them all.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter uses some game dialogue, and mixes the canon a little.  
> .  
> .

“A contract is a contract, Inquisitor! Orlesian businesses live and die by their reputations. The entire Guild’s welfare would be endangered if an agreement was tossed aside on a whim of time or fate,” Josephine insisted.

Of course it would, Kai thought, sighing to herself. That’s why they were sitting, taking tea with Comte Boisvert, discussing an assassin’s contract on Josephine’s life as if they were considering a trade agreement. No matter that the individuals who had taken out the contract out were long dead. Poor Josie, all she wished to do was improve her family’s financial status, and now here she was under sentence of death.

Kai could sympathise with that, numerous groups wanted to see her dead. But that was part of what she accepted as Inquisitor, and Herald before. Kai knew Leliana had her constantly shadowed in Skyhold, there were so many new people arriving daily, an assassin could readily slip in. Checking the backgrounds of everyone was an immense task, and it wasn’t feasible to sift out infiltrators quickly, as happened with Bull, when the Ben-Hassrath sent assassins after him. Fortunately, his training paid off that time.

But no one had imagined that for Josephine. Even though there were threats made in the process of her negotiations. As Josephine had declared herself, they were chiefly bluster.

“I assume you have an idea, Josephine,” Kai inquired.

“The du Paraquettes still have descendants under the common branch. If we elevate them to nobility, they could annul the contract on my life,” she proposed.

“That will take time, Lady Montilyet. During which time the house of Repose will be obliged to hunt you,” he warned her.

They both turned to Comte Boisvert, but it was Josephine who spoke, narrowing her eyes. “Will they now?”

“A bit of subterfuge. This contract on your life is an ugly business, one the House of Repose deeply regrets. But this is Orlais, even an assassin’s word is his bond. The contract on your life was so unusual, we felt the courtesy of an explanation was in order,” he declared.

“It is appreciated, Monsieur,” Josephine thanked him. 

Kai admired Josephine’s capacity to remain civil in the circumstances. Evidently this ‘Comte’ was not ‘the Comte’. Well, this was novel, she thought, assassins warning you they were planning to kill you. Maybe she should propose that to her enemies, politely give her notice when they intended to come after her next. 

“Your idea to seek out a du Paraquette is an interesting one, I wish you luck,” the assassin replied, bowing as he rose from his chair and left.

It was only after he was gone she saw Josephine’s shoulders sag a little and heard the exhale. “Well, I didn’t expect our encounter would end like this,” she stated, with a resigned tone.

“We should get you back to Skyhold,” Kai replied frowning. “At least, Leliana and Cullen can protect you better there,” she added, although she was well aware even Skyhold was not entirely secure. But at least it was better than being here in Val Royeaux. 

“I have some thoughts on what can be done. But yes, I would prefer to return to Skyhold.” Josephine said as they went to leave.

Kai took her arm gently. “Whatever you need, Josie, the Inquisition’s resources are at your disposal. You have my full permission to employ them as you think fit.”

“Thank you Inquisitor,” she responded smiling a little now. “Perhaps we should make our way back to the plaza to meet the others?”

“Of course,” Kai said reassuringly. An open area worried her, but equally it was public, and an assassin could be more readily caught there. She didn’t know how soon an attempt would be made and hoped her assassin training would stand up to scrutiny should she need to use it.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Neither Bull and Dorian, nor Leliana were there when they arrived at the plaza, meaning they would need to wait around for them. She hoped at least Leliana would be there, but her business at the Grand Cathedral might be detaining her. Leliana tagged along after receiving a notification to meet one of clerics there. And Bull and Dorian, well, if Dorian was still shopping, they could be a while. 

This worried Kai and she sought to keep an eye out for potential trouble. Not made easier by Josephine wandering away towards a large crowd that had assembled at one edge of the plaza. Kai followed a few strides behind, sufficient to see ahead and be conscious of anyone seeking to move between them.

As they neared the crowd, it appeared a public hanging was shortly to take place. The way people flocked to these events always seemed distasteful to her. But then again, she had publicly removed Erimond’s head with her ceremonial sword, with most of Skyhold watching. He was the only person she had executed. Kai tried wherever feasible to identify an alternative, or allow people a second chance, an opportunity to atone, but with him, she couldn’t. The only alternative choice with Erimond was to make him Tranquil, and that would have delivered the wrong message to all the mages who had pledged themselves to the Inquisition. Execution was the only suitable punishment left to her.

Josephine started to move into the throng, but Kai held onto her.

“Josie, stay on the fringe. I can’t protect you adequately if you’re hemmed in,” she whispered, warning her.

“Oh...yes of course,” she replied, stepping back. “It was just the names I heard, the Callier family. It was an infamous crime some years ago. The entire family were murdered by Orlesian soldiers, and they’ve never caught Captain Rainier, the man in charge. I think this might be one of his men.”

Kai was only half listening. Her attention was principally concentrated on their surroundings and looking out for potential risks. She had minimal weaponry on her, but it had to make do until her friends arrived. Plus she didn’t care for the sight of someone swinging from the gallows, whatever they’d done. Hanging could end up as strangulation if not carried out properly, and that was extremely unpleasant to witness. Better a quick, clean death.

Because of all the commotion, she didn’t pick up someone approaching until they were close, but luckily the gentle swish of the coat told her who it was.

“Hello Leliana,” she addressed her.

“You’re getting better,” Leliana lilted. 

“I have a good trainer, and I don’t mean Heir,” Kai replied turning momentarily to face her.

“How did it go with the Comte?” Leliana inquired, now standing next to Kai.

“Oh, that’s a story and a half. Josie has the House of Repose after her, so keep your eyes open. We can both explain when we get her somewhere quieter and less public. Do you still have your contact at the cafe?” Kai whispered.

“Yes, perhaps we should take her there?” Leliana suggested, seeing Kai nod.

Kai touched Josephine on the shoulder gently so as not to startle her, so focused was she now on the scene ahead. 

“Josie, we should go,” she announced.

“No, not yet. I wish to see why Blackwall is there,” she maintained, pointing to the hangman’s platform.

Kai and Leliana looked to see Blackwall standing on the platform, near the guards. Josephine shuffled forward into the crowd, out of Kai’s grasp, struggling to draw nearer. Kai groaned as she and Leliana followed, seeking to maintain a defensive barrier around her. But now Kai was curious too. What in the Maker’s name was he doing here?

They reached the front just as they heard Blackwall shout...

“Orders were given and like any good soldier, he obeyed them. He should not die for that mistake.”

“Then find me the man who gave that order,” the guard yelled back.

Kai saw Blackwall look down at them, especially at Josephine, who now was staring intently back.

“Blackwall?” Josephine asked quizzically.

His face looked pained and there was a slight waver in his voice as he replied, almost as if he was just speaking to Josephine. “No, I am not Blackwall. I never was. I assumed his name to hide like a coward. But I’m done hiding.”

He turned to the crowd announcing in a louder voice. “I gave the order, the crime is mine. I am Thom Rainier.”

There were loud exclamations from the throng, but merely a suppressed one from Josephine, who was still looking up at him, her hand covering her mouth. As the guards took him away, Kai could see him glancing back towards Josephine.

She and Leliana looked at each other. “Well, shit...” was all Kai could say; stunned would have been an understatement.

“We have to get her out of here,” Leliana whispered under her breath. 

Kai nodded. “Take her to the cafe. I’ll find out where they’re holding him,” she answered in kind. 

Leliana nodded back and grabbed Josephine, hurriedly pulling her aside from the crowd. Kai could see her eyes glinting before they turned and made their way to the cafe. Leliana would see her safely there and console her. They were closer friends than she was with Josephine. Shit, this was one almighty mess, and the worst possible day for Josephine. First she discovers she is on an assassin’s hit list, and now, that the man she loves not only isn’t who she assumed he was, but an infamous criminal too. Kai couldn’t imagine what must be running through her head now.

Kai watched the two of them leave and then spoke with the guard, finding out Blackwall/Rainier been taken to Val Royeaux prison. On her way to the cafe, she found Dorian and Bull. Shopping had been her idea too, but circumstances had conspired to give up that one. She hastily described what had transpired with Blackwall, but also mentioned Josephine, without the details she knew Josephine would wish to keep private. They both needed to be conscious she was in danger.

“Well, damn. I didn’t see that one coming,” announced Bull. “I thought he was a little cagey, but all Wardens seem to be that way. They don’t like to give too much away. Most I’ve ever found out was at Adamant.”

“To be honest, I’ve never spoken much with the man. We didn’t get further than trading a few insults. He thinks I’m a spoiled prince, and I called him a hairy lummox. That’s the extent of our interchanges,” Dorian added dismissively. 

“Well, he’s no Warden, that’s for certain. But now I need to work out what to do about him,” Kai groaned, puffing out a breath, and scratching her head. “This job certainly has its moments.”

“I sure they don’t pay you enough, my dear. Ask for a raise.” Dorian quipped.

Kai had to smile; it was her first one since earlier that morning. “A vacation would be better, Dorian,” she joked. “Could you conjure one up for me?”

“If I could do that, the first one would be for me I’m afraid,” Dorian smiled. “Along with this one,” he pointed at Bull.

“Ahh, he does care,” laughed Bull. “And there I thought he was just after my body. You sly dog.”

Dorian groaned. 

Kai laughed, placing her palm on her chest. “You two are so sweet it warms my heart.” 

They both stared at her grinning.

“What?” she quizzed.

“We’re sweet? The way you and Cullen look at each other is tooth-rottingly cloying sometimes,” Dorian laughed. 

Kai scowled at Dorian. “I have work to do,” she declared decisively.

“Maker, she even sounds like him now,” Dorian replied, winking at Bull.

Kai groaned and strode away, hearing them both snigger. She would have typically come up with a witty retort, but somehow her repartee failed her today. Right now, sorting out this mess took priority and Maker knows what Josephine must be going through now. Kai knew what she would be doing; putting on a brave face, carrying on.

The three of them headed to the cafe. Kai found out from Leliana’s contact they were in the back, conveniently out of sight. She left Dorian and Bull out front, not wishing to besiege Josephine. She was sitting with a large brandy in front of her and smiled weakly as Kai came in. Only four people were aware of the situation between Josephine and well, Rainier, she supposed they should call him now. Somehow because they didn’t truly know each other, what they had was an ideal, and ideals rarely matched reality, and certainly not in this instance.

“How are you doing, Josie?” Kai inquired gently.

“Frankly, aghast. I never imagined...this. But I have more immediate matters to handle such as a contract on my life. I would obviously like to get back to Skyhold now. There is much to do,” she explained, straightening her posture as she talked.

“Do you mind if I borrow Leliana for a few minutes?” Kai asked her.

“Not at all, Inquisitor,” Josephine replied, shaking her head. 

The two of them went back into the cafe and found a secluded corner. She needed to discuss this with Leliana as well as find out what occurred at the Grand Cathedral. The clerics were still suspicious of the Inquisition, some giving hesitant acknowledgement; others hostile, but secretly, behind the scenes. They couldn’t publicly attack the Inquisition anymore, it had achieved so much that any criticism would only backfire. But both she and Leliana knew these individuals were just waiting for something, anything, to go wrong.

When they spoke, both whispered.

“I’m sorry, when I investigated him, it was based on the fact he was Blackwall. Had I known...anyway...I shall make sure I am more attentive in future,” Leliana promised. 

“Look, none of us saw this one coming. His identify may have been false, but the man himself was always sincere. There was nothing to suspect,” Kai assured her. 

“What do you want to do about Black...Rainier?” Leliana asked.

“They’ve taken him to the prison. I’m going to see him; I want to hear what he has to say before I come to a decision.” Kai paused. “But I also want to know what happened with you.”

She saw Leliana reach into her pocket and take out a letter, handing it to Kai. Unfolding it, Kai noticed the seal of Divine Justinia, and her eyes opened wide. It was addressed to Leliana, but there was no date. As she read through, there were some more personal passages which she skipped over. What caught her eye was a paragraph towards the bottom, asking Leliana to visit a Chantry in Valence, and three clues to something that Justinia had left hidden there for her. 

Kai looked up at Leliana. “Maker’s breath! Are you alright?” she inquired, placing her hand on Leliana’s. 

It couldn’t be pleasant for her friend receiving this now. She recognised how close the two of them had been, good friends as well as colleagues. Justinia was a mentor for Leliana, and she still missed her advice and comfort. Sometimes Kai thought it was a relationship slightly mirrored between the two of them, but in reverse. Leliana, being older, was more of a mentor to Kai.

Leliana smiled, patting her hand. “Yes, thank you, but I am. And you should avoid picking up habits from Cullen. There’s nothing more revealing than using each other's expressions.”

“Shit, I said it didn’t I? Maker, I don’t normally, but I didn’t think with you,” she sighed.

“I’m glad, I would hate for us to turn into people who have to measure every word with each other,” Leliana said reassuringly. “And it’s because I trust you that I would like you to come with me. I don’t know what we will discover there, and I might not be the only one searching. I need a friend with me.”

“Of course I’ll come with you. You assume we might encounter...problems?” Kai inquired.

“Let’s just say, I would be extremely surprised if I was the first one to see this letter after it was written,” she replied deliberately. Leliana glanced around discreetly. “The fact it was handed over to me now I likewise find curious. Perhaps it was simply...released. We shall see when we get there. It’s not too far from here.” 

She then adopted a normal tone. “But now you have other matters to attend to. Once you have arrived at a decision, we will need to let Cullen know.”

Other matters being a visit to the prison. Kai exhaled. “It really is becoming that sort of day, or in my case more than the one,” she said almost to herself.

She saw Leliana’s quizzical expression. “I’ll explain more on the road to Valence,” she sighed. 

Leliana cocked her head. “I look forward to hearing about it,” she confirmed.

Kai watched as Leliana returned to Josephine, then let Dorian and Bull know before setting off for the prison.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

There he was, sitting in a dark, dank cell in Val Royeaux prison. The man they had come to know as Blackwall looking smaller than he ever did at Skyhold. This was the man that carved toys for the children there, smiling as he looked at their faces when they played with them. Often the refugees arrived with just the clothes on their backs, and perhaps a couple of pots and blankets. A small carved wooden toy was more than most of the children had seen in weeks. 

This was the same man who had ordered the murder of an entire family, including four young children. Kai had difficulty reconciling those two facts. The man she had known for months could be gruff, testy even, but never cruel. She needed to know why he had committed that dreadful atrocity. And because of who she was, the guards allowed her to talk to him alone.

Kai stepped up to the bars of his cell.

He spoke, but didn’t face her. “I didn’t take Blackwall’s life, I traded his death. He wanted me for the Wardens, but there was an ambush. Darkspawn. He was killed. I took his name to stop the world from losing a good man. But the man he was wouldn’t have let another die in his place.” He halted and shifted to face her. “Why are you here?”

“That depends on what you say,” she answered, matching his stare.

His demeanour now became agitated. “I gave the order to kill Lord Callier and his entourage. I lied to my men and when it came to light I ran, leaving them to pay for my treason, while I was pretending to be a better man. But all I am is a murderer, a traitor...a monster.”

Kai stood her ground until his tirade ended.

“I don’t think you were pretending, not anymore at least. Certainly not from what I’ve seen. But I need to know everything and this time the truth. You owe me that much,” her voice was resolute.

He rose up and faced her. The story he told could have readily been from the court. A chevalier, a supporter of Gaspard, Robert Chapuis, had enlisted him to get rid of a one of Celene’s supporters. But when they carried out the assassination, the man was travelling with his family, not just his guards. His men carried out his orders to the letter, kill everyone, and they did. His motive was greed, he did it for money, but his men paid the actual price.

Cassandra’s angry words came to mind, about how the Orlesians just saw murder, intrigue and corruption as amusement. Kai had played the Game herself, cementing Celene’s authority for the sake of their war against Corypheus, allowing Gaspard to be condemned to death so he wouldn’t threaten Ferelden. The only difference was she hadn’t done it for money, but people would die from her decisions. 

All for the greater good, she reflected cynically; such a well worn, utterly misused reason. Kai thought making compromises was a step down the path of moral ambiguity before, but now, she was truly doing what it took. Just as Leliana had urged her to do back in future Redcliffe, back when she would have baulked at what she would do now. Blackwall was a pawn in the Game, but Kai had advanced to player, and her choices influenced the fate of nations. 

As Kai left him, she made her decision. She returned to Leliana.

\------------------------------------------------------------

“Send word to our underworld contacts, offer a contract for getting him out and brought to Skyhold.” Kai instructed Leliana. “Ordinarily I would have recommended a negotiation, but I don’t want Josie involved in any of this. If anyone finds out, I’ll accept the responsibility.” 

“Understood,” confirmed Leliana. “I’ll send word to Cullen and let him know the decision.”

“Thank you,” Kai acknowledged. “We should send Josie back to Halamshiral with Bull and Dorian. They can more than look after her until she reaches Cullen. He’ll make sure she gets to Skyhold safely. I presume you and he will make provision for her there?”

Leliana nodded. “Already in hand, Inquisitor,” she advised her.

“Good, then it’s just a trip to Valence next, I assume?” Kai inquired, observing the nod in response.

“But...you realise Cullen won’t be thrilled at just the two of us going.” Leliana added.

“We have no alternative here. Right now Josie needs the protection more than I do. And he can’t stay much longer at Halamshiral; we only received a limited extension on maintaining our soldiers there. Heck, I’m a target all the time, comes with the territory,” Kai replied.

“My contact can source us outfits less conspicuous for travelling, and weapons. Should help lower our profile,” Leliana offered. 

“Do it,” Kai ordered. “Maybe Cullen will give us both less of a lecture when we get back to Skyhold. Tell him I promise not to flaunt my key. He’ll understand what that means,” she smiled.

As Leliana went to talk to Josephine and make arrangements, Kai spoke to Bull and Dorian detailing the provision for getting Josephine back.

“Don’t worry, Boss. We’ll look after your Ambassador,” Bull replied.

“I couldn’t imagine her with anyone safer,” Kai said smiling. “Thank you.”

“So I gather you and Leliana have other plans?” Dorian ventured. 

“We do, just a short trip and we’ll be back at Skyhold, ready for our next mission. Harding says we need comfortable boots for that one,” she laughed.

“Remind me again why I joined you,” Dorian sighed. 

“Because you believed in our cause,” Kai answered.

“Yes, well. Could our cause visit more comfortable places, with basic necessities at least? Would that be too much to ask?” Dorian questioned, glancing at her.

“Probably yes,” she declared, smiling. “But there is running water I understand.”

“I refuse to rise to the bait,” he sniffed. 

“We should get moving soon,” Bull suggested. “Not often I’d say this, but we will probably be safer on the road.”

“Good journeys,” she wished them.

Kai turned and heard Bull again. “Cullen will be pissed with just the two of you travelling, you realise that.”

Kai was more than aware he would be. “I know,” she said, sighing. 

She’d handle the fallout when they returned. With four of them out on a mission, Cullen accepted that, because normally she had Bull and Cassandra, both powerful, and both warriors, just like him. She and Leliana were rogues, more lightly armed, less powerful, but faster. In his eyes that made them more vulnerable. It was old school, but so could he be, that was just the way he was.

Once the three of them were ready, Kai and Leliana watched them set off. A thought occurred to Kai, out of the blue.

“Leliana, those Warden treaties. Please tell me we didn’t use them,” she pleaded.

“No, you weren’t comfortable because it wasn’t a Blight,” Leliana answered. 

“Thank the Maker!” Kai exclaimed, exhaling.

“You don’t remember asking us not to?” Leliana looked puzzled.

Kai looked at her friend. “Leliana, with the number of things I have to consider or decide I’m doing well if I remember to put my smalls on in the morning,” she groaned.

Leliana giggled. “That’s if they’re still in one piece,” she nudged.

“Maker, don’t tell him you know about that. He’ll have a fit!” she chuckled.

They saw a woman appear with a package. Leliana indicated to the back area, and Kai followed her and the woman there. Now it was their turn to prepare and then be off to Valence.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

As they entered the Chantry at Valance, Kai noticed how silent it was. Usually someone was around whether it was clergy or one of the lay Sisters. This was awfully quiet for her liking, too deserted. She learned why this particular place had great meaning for Leliana. She’d come here to see Justinia, Mother Dorothea as she was then, for comfort and strength after Aedan died, before coming to see her. Leliana kneeled and offered a short prayer while Kai remained standing. It was over ten years now since she had offered a prayer to the Maker.

Leliana and Aedan had grown into good friends, and that was why he trusted her with his diary. Kai wondered if he had also thought they would become friends, maybe some solace for her too. If that was his intention, it worked. Kai resisted the temptation to speculate about threads of fate; that was a subject she had thought to death. All she ended up doing was chase her tail in a never-ending circle, just like her mother’s dog had the habit of doing. Cally was fascinated by her own tail, contributing to endless amusement amongst her siblings when they were growing up. But children laughed at the most absurd things.

As they glanced around, a figure appeared, a Sister. Kai saw Leliana go to greet her. “Sister Natalie! I thought you were in Val Royeaux,” she exclaimed.

As they embraced, Kai saw Leliana look at her over Natalie’s shoulder, as the young girl was talking. The very slight shake of the head and narrowed eyes told Kai be suspicious. Whoever had sent this girl was doubtless expecting her innocent looks would fool Leliana. Kai held back, waiting to see what Leliana would do. She introduced them, and Kai could see Natalie’s eyes widen in dismay. 

“The Inquisitor! You brought the Inquisitor here?” she questioned, eyes large, before kneeling to apologise for not recognising her. 

Kai smiled kindly. “Don’t worry, it’s nice to not be recognised,” she replied, encouraging her to get up.

This evidently confounded the poor girl. Unlike some of the Mothers who liked deference, and even though Kai had the title of Your Worship, people kneeling before her was embarrassing.

As Leliana stepped forward and began to talk with Natalie, Kai moved away. Still close enough to hear, but not to encroach. The gently enthusiastic tone Leliana employed with this girl was the one she adopted for gathering information from people. It was one she had taught Kai too. The three of them wandered through searching for the clues Justinia had referred to in her letter.

Kai hung in the background as Leliana encouraged Natalie to aid her, gaining her confidence. Each clue found yielded a secret mechanism, until ultimately the last clue and last mechanism opened a concealed door. Leliana then pounced, drawing a knife, holding it to Natalie’s throat. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” she sneered. 

A shiver ran down Kai’s spine as she remembered Felix Alexius back in future Redcliffe. But this was not that Leliana. When she talked, Leliana’s manner was controlled, with merely a slight threat in her tone. It appeared Natalie was sent by one of the few remaining Grand Clerics, Victoire, to discover what Justinia had hidden there. 

But it was Natalie’s reaction that surprised Kai. “The Inquisition has turned Thedas away from the true Chantry. It must be stopped.”

Leliana let out a fierce chuckle. “Stop us? You must be joking.”

“The Inquisition has more enemies than you know,” Natalie insisted. 

Sadly for Kai this was not news. The fervour with which this young girl spoke showed how convinced she was that they were some evil force out to destroy the Chantry. No doubt implanted by this Mother she was associated with. Young impressionable girls, she sighed. And this one almost expected to die for her faith judging by her words. Leliana did have a sinister reputation from when she was the Left Hand. Some of it was warranted, but Kai always suspected some of it was deliberately accentuated. 

“I am not afraid to die for my beliefs. I still know what I believe,” Natalie claimed defiantly.

Kai stepped in. “Release her, Leliana,” she ordered. She recognised her friend would let the girl go, but it was just Kai’s lingering worry that made her a tad uneasy. 

Leliana stepped backward and fixed her with a glare. “The Inquisitor has spoken. Go, Natalie. Tell your mistress she has a choice. The Inquisition is coming.”

They observed Natalie as she bolted through the Chantry and out the door. Leliana turned to face her. “Great tone,” she commended. “So, shall we see what awaits us?”

Kai looked at Leliana. “The Inquisition is coming?” she asked, cocking her head. “You make us sound like a travelling show. Perhaps we should use banners to herald our appearance?”

“Very funny.” Leliana rolled her eyes. “She evidently thought it was intimidating enough,” she tutted, stepping into the shallow secret compartment. 

Inside was just a small intricate box. She examined it before opening the box, a startled ‘No!’ escaping. “It’s empty,” she bemoaned.

“Check again, maybe in the lid or bottom?” Kai offered.

“Wait, a message carved in the lid, _the Left Hand should lay down her burden_ ,” she read.

Leliana swung around, realisation on her face. “She’s releasing me...a thousand lies, a thousand deaths, her commands, but my conscience that bore the consequences. She must have been afraid she was using me.” Her tone was wistful.

“What she said in the Fade, Leliana. She apologised.” Kai insisted. 

“She needed me, no one else could have done what I did,” she responded, staring into the box again.

Justinia was instructing her to let go, but Kai could see Leliana struggling. So much of her life was tied to Justinia, Kai wondered if she thought letting go of the burden was in fact breaking their tie to each other. It didn’t have to be like that, she realised.

“Leliana,” Kai called to her, watching her swing back. 

“It’s time to let it go, let that part of you and her go,” Kai soothed, holding her hand. “It doesn’t mean you can’t remember her as your friend.”

She smiled. “You once said to me _‘you can’t carry remorse forever lest it break or poison you’_. Now I’m saying it to you.”

Kai saw her smile. “You remembered after all this time?” Leliana asked.

“Of course I did,” Kai replied hugging her. “That was my turning point.”

“Maybe I should take notice of my own advice,” Leliana admitted.

“Maybe you should,” Kai agreed. “And maybe...we should go home now.”

“Yes, maybe we should. We have a long journey ahead, and time to talk,” Leliana smiled.

“Sounds good to me,” Kai smiled back.

She was pleased that at least there was a positive outcome for Leliana. And sometimes all you needed was one good thing to happen, to turn things around. Kai took Leliana’s arm, and they started on their journey back to Skyhold.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and Leliana return to Skyhold, to be thrown straight back into work. Kai talks to Morrigan, receiving a revelation that makes her come to a decision.  
> .  
> .

The horn blew as Kai and Leliana rode in through the gates of Skyhold. However, on this occasion she wished their arrival hadn’t been announced. It would give Cullen time to prepare for the reprimand she was sure to receive. They dismounted taking their horses to the stables. Kai lingered a little more than usual, slowly removing her saddlebags, trying to ready herself for his ire.

The journey back had been a great one, allowing the two of them time to talk about each other and all manner of subjects from past to present. Lots of wonderful memories had been shared, as well as considerable amounts of laughter. They had discovered a beautiful lake to bathe in, splashing and playing like a pair of young girls, a world away from their duties. They were just two friends travelling and reconnecting, something their roles had not given them time to do. And the best thing for Kai was seeing the old Leliana start to emerge again. For that alone she was glad. 

Just as Cullen had started to rediscover himself, Leliana was too. The bright storyteller had never actually disappeared, only been submerged beneath the dark mistress of intrigue. Kai hoped that the two could more easily co-exist now. Two people she loved to see remembering who they were, rather than just being what they did. Kai was thrilled for them both.

As they left the stables, Kai glanced up to the battlements, to see Cullen standing there, arms folded, face set in a fixed stare. He briefly looked to his side, and she guessed Izzy was with him.

Kai gave a slight groan. “He’s got the face on. Guess I’d better get this over with. Knowing him, he was probably worried as well as angry.” She glanced at Leliana. “You’re likely next,” she cautioned.

“Well, he can try,” Leliana grinned. “Though I suspect you’re likely to receive the brunt of it. He may never even get to me if you can soothe his angry brow.”

Kai was struggling to keep her face straight. “Maker, don’t make me smile now. I can’t walk in there grinning, it’ll only irritate him more.” 

Luckily Cullen had turned away and was walking to his office. She let her face relax as her friend stood there sniggering. Leliana leant forward.

“I’m positive you can still the beast,” she taunted.

“Will you quit saying that!” Kai hissed, hearing laughter greet her protestation.

“It stopped you grinning, didn’t it?” Leliana quipped. “Anyway, I can’t stand here with you all day, I must be going. There is a bath with my name on it before I return to work. Come and visit me later.”

With that she strolled away waving, still smiling. Kai straightened herself, brushing off some of the dust from the road, and made her way up the stairs, walking along the battlements to Cullen’s office. He had left the door open, doubtless expecting her. She suspected this time she wouldn’t receive her welcome back kiss. Before she reached the doorway, Izzy ran out to her, and Kai crouched down to fuss her.

“Is he mad at me?” she murmured to her. Izzy cocked her head, offering a whine in reply.

“Oh, that bad,” she acknowledged quietly, hearing two short barks now.

Kai got up and continued into his office, Izzy following. He sported the same face with arms folded, glancing at her as she stepped in.

“Shut the door,” he instructed gruffly.

Kai closed the door and greeted him. “Hello Cullen.” Well, she would maintain some politeness at least.

“Inquisitor,” he responded, his tone sharper now.

Shit, he was mad, she thought. That tone of voice with her title boded poorly.

“Cullen...I know...” she began wearily, but he cut her off.

“What were you thinking? No, what were the two of you thinking?” he barked at her. “The Inquisitor and her Spymaster, on the road, alone, with no back up should anything happen. Did either of you even consider the consequences for the Inquisition if something had happened? Let alone the repercussions for the war against Corypheus and the future of Thedas. Maker’s breath! If you were one my soldiers, I’d have you charged for reckless behaviour.”

“We took precautions and were careful, Cullen. This was not some jolly, and we weren’t reckless,” she assured him patiently, mindful not to exacerbate the situation. Kai knew he needed to get this out and then they could talk.

“Oh, I beg to disagree. The fact you didn’t have someone stronger with you smacks of recklessness to me. You can’t always run, or stealth your way out of danger,” he growled.

“No we can’t, you’re correct. I appreciate we took a risk, but it was a considered risk, and no more that I would have done with anything else. Cullen, this was important to Leliana, and I agreed to help.” she explained, her voice still soft. “This allowed her to move on, just as you have been doing. She’s my friend and her welfare is important to me too.”

Kai saw his face relax, processing what she meant. She hoped telling him might encourage him to understand, judging Leliana wouldn’t object to the little she gave away. He unfolded his arms and his hand reached for the back of his neck, rubbing it. 

“Did you even think about...how I’d feel if you had...” his tone now revealed more concern than anger.

“Died?” she suggested quietly, walking up to him.

“Yes,” he admitted hesitantly, glancing aside.

Kai took his hand, seeing him wrap his hand around hers closely. “Of course I did.” 

She stroked his hand with her thumb. “But even on a mission, we could be overwhelmed, no matter who came with me. Cullen, the prospect of me dying is constantly there. We both know this. We both agreed to accept this. I will never be truly safe until all of this is over,” she reminded him gently.

Cullen tugged her to him. “I understand that, believe me. This just seemed...impetuous,” he responded, holding onto her. He exhaled heavily. “But I can understand you wishing to help Leliana, she is your friend.”

“Thank you,” Kai acknowledged, as he kissed her head. 

“Forgive me?” she inquired, raising her head to watch him.

He sighed and brushed her face with the back of his gloved hand. “Do you even have to ask? Just...please try to be more circumspect in future. Promise me?”

Kai smiled. “I promise.” She squeezed his hand. “I knew there was a reason I loved you,” she remarked.

This prompted a smile from Cullen. “Another one?” he queried, arching an eyebrow.

“Cullen, you keep producing them, and I’ll keep accepting them,” she quipped, winking.

“You are undoubtedly the most impossible woman,” he proclaimed, shaking his head. “But I do love you. Why I do, I have no idea,” he grinned.

Kai laughed. “Well, if you do find out, let me know,” she responded, settling her hand on his bottom. “For me, I guess it’s because you have a cute arse,” she joked.

“I see. Is that the extent of my appeal for you?” he challenged, mock frowning.

“Well...” she began, seeing the stare now. Kai chuckled and gazed into his eyes. “Not just that, but you do have a cute arse,” she winked. “Cullen, I love all of you, every bit. Even when you’re grumpy with me.”

She paused, now smiling again. “Can I have my kiss now?”

Cullen smirked, drawing to a sigh from her. “I may allow that,” he blinked, his hands sliding onto her hips.

Kai hummed, draping her arms around his neck and kissed him. The kiss was deep and needful rather than lustful, but no less passionate as they were pressed together, neither of them wanting to break away. It was the door opening that disturbed them.

“Oh!” came a startled voice. It was one of Cullen’s messengers. 

“Out!” Cullen yelled loudly, glowering at the poor man. He certainly could look fierce when he tried.

“I...err...sorry,” he stumbled, backing out the door, closing it as he went.

Kai couldn’t help herself and giggled, her forehead settling against his chest. 

“What now?” he asked wearily, lifting up her chin.

“Commander Grumpy Face,” she snickered.

“Maker’s breath!” he groaned. “Don’t say that in front of my men.”

Kai snickered again. “Oh Cullen, I’m positive that’s nothing compared to the names soldiers have for their superiors. I’ve heard much worse.”

Cullen rolled his eyes. “If you’re referring to Sera’s name for me, I’ve heard that one. Well, at least she uses the rank if nothing else.” he sighed.

She caressed the back of his neck, seeing the smile come. “So, dinner as usual?” she asked expectantly.

“I think I can manage that,” he smirked. “Yours or mine?”

“You chose,” she insisted.

“Here then. I assume it’s up to me to source provisions?” he grinned knowingly.

“Of course it is, you’re the one that can wangle the blueberry pastries,” she chuckled, tweaking his cheek. “That smile and your winning charm always works with Cook.”

“Does that go for you too?” he inquired, raising an eyebrow as his hands grasped her hips tighter.

“Doubly so,” she smirked, a slight wave of heat running through her. 

He leant forward, his lips against hers. “I may even win tonight,” he murmured.

“Hmm, I have a feeling I may win tonight,” she hummed.

As they kissed this time, it was decidedly more lustful, and a slight moan slipped from her mouth into his. Kai felt a chuckle low in his throat as he sensed it. He broke the kiss, laying their foreheads together.

“Save the rest for later,” he directed, grinning.

“As my Commander wishes,” she laughed as they separated, and Kai turned to leave.

“You doing as you’re told? That’ll be a first,” he retorted.

She glanced over her shoulder. “Oh Commander, I’m _always_ obedient for you,” she lilted teasingly.

Cullen shook his head, laughing. “Yes, and I’m the King of Ferelden, Inquisitor.”

“Maker, don’t tell Alistair,” she responded and walked to the door before halting. “Then again, he might welcome the rest,” she threw back laughing as she opened the door, hearing Cullen groan as she left.

Like Leliana, she too had a bath with her name on it. Just a quick check in with Josephine first.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai lay soaking in her warm comfortable bath, avoiding the paperwork on her desk, and trying not to think about the encounter she just had, and the woman she had yet to talk with. Right now, her freedom on the journey back was swiftly turning into a hazy memory.

Her visit to Josephine ended up in an exchange with one of the Chantry Mothers who had seemingly been waiting for Kai to return. The woman was forcibly pressing Kai to release Leliana and Cassandra from the Inquisition so she could whisk them off to the Grand Cathedral. The Grand Consensus wanted them as candidates for Divine. 

Kai had made the mistake of snorting at the request, only to be met by a glacial glare. Suggesting she give up either of them while Corypheus was yet on the loose smacked of the usual insularity of the Chantry. Kai refused to release them, but fortunately Josephine stepped in and calmly mollified the Revered Mother.

At least Josephine was some way to settling her trouble with the House of Repose, thanks to Cullen’s aid. Or more precisely, four of his soldiers, now in the infirmary recovering from a hunting trip with the judge who agreed to sign off her papers. Fortunately there had been no attempts made on her life as yet, but Josephine was not her normal self. 

Morrigan had requested that Kai speak with her and according to Josephine, it was urgent. What it was about she had no idea, but Kai aimed to meet with her after talking with Leliana. 

Maker, she couldn’t wait for dinner with Cullen later, it would be time away from all madness that the Inquisition had turned into. Kai slipped further down into the tub, dipping her head under the water for a moment. It was something she used to do as a child. She would lie there and listen to her pulse thrumming in her ears. As she surfaced, she could hear footsteps running up the stairs.

Shit! Had she forgot to lock the door? Kai quickly tucked up, so at least her lady bits weren’t on display. Luckily it was Leliana. 

“Andraste’s arse, you startled me!” she exclaimed. “Did I not lock the door?”

“Yes you did, but we have keys remember,” Leliana replied, brandishing them. “Are you still lounging in the bath? Some of us have been working,” she added disdainfully.

“Some of us got detained, badgered by Mother Frosty Face,” Kai tutted.

“Inquisitor, for shame. You are talking about a Revered Mother,” Leliana grinned, sitting on the bed.

“My apologies. Revered Mother Frosty Face,” she corrected, grinning back. “But perhaps I should be more...circumspect...saying such things to the woman who could be our next Divine.” 

She saw Leliana roll her eyes, before becoming more serious. “I would have laughed at the idea before, but it illustrates how desperate they are. To even consider Cassandra or myself means the deadlock must be bad. The Chantry could be on the verge of foundering. However flawed it is, it’s the one thing that unites the disparate nations of Thedas. Take that away, and we could return to the chaos before the original Inquisition.”

“Leliana, would you want to be Divine?” Kai asked. “I’m being serious now.” She got out of the bath wrapping a towel around her and joined Leliana.

Leliana paused, thoughtful. “Honestly, I don’t know. Whoever takes up that role, will have a tremendous task trying to steer the Chantry through its present difficulties. But unless we defeat Corypheus, it won’t matter who is Divine, because as you saw, our world would no longer exist. He should be our principal focus. Only afterwards can we worry which of us should sit on the Sunburst Throne.”

“Well, assuming we do defeat him, whoever becomes Divine will have the support of the Inquisition, should they require it,” Kai affirmed.

“I would imagine whoever does would most assuredly require it,” Leliana replied. “But I didn’t come here to talk about that.” 

“So what did bring you here, interrupting my well earned bath?” Kai inquired. 

“Two things, actually. Firstly, Blackwall is arriving tonight; the group who accepted the contract are bringing him in secretly. You should be able to judge him before you leave.”

“Good, I’d prefer to get that out of the way before we head out for the Emerald Graves. Could you take Josie’s place for the judgement?” Kai proposed.

“Of course, I think that would be best for everyone,” Leliana confirmed.

“Thank you. You mentioned two things?” Kai replied, grabbing her robe and trading it for the towel.

“Morrigan, I went to see her,” Leliana said, with distaste in her voice.

“Well well, you actually spoke to her,” Kai remarked. “And?”

“She insists on talking to you; she claims to have an answer as to why Corypheus has been hunting for Elven ruins,” Leliana said, frowning slightly.

“Do you believe her?” Kai questioned. She trusted Leliana’s instincts where Morrigan was concerned.

Leliana sighed. “Much as I mistrust the woman, I think she may have something. But...as I said before, be wary of her. Whatever she offers, there will invariably be something in it for her. Morrigan always has a motive for being...helpful.”

“Understood, I’ll speak with her, once I’ve had a look through the documents on my desk,” she declared. Seeing the reproving look on her friends face, she grumbled. “Alright, I promise this time to try to clear the pile before I leave. Happy now?”

“I think that would be best, Inquisitor,” Leliana nodded. “We wouldn’t want a replay of the issue with the...”

“Yes alright, point taken,” she agreed, sighing. 

The tavern had come close to running out of ale because she had not signed a requisition. For four days ale had been restricted until supplies arrived. It was absurd that she had to sign off on that, but the minutiae of the Inquisition writ insisted on it for non-essential items. Apparently ale was a non-essential item.

“Right, I shall take my leave and let you prepare yourself for the Witch of the Wilds, Inquisitor,” Leliana quipped.

“Thank you, you’re too kind, Sister Nightingale,” she chortled. 

Kai was aware where the title came from. It made her laugh that Leliana still used it after all this while. She nodded and left. Kai went to her desk intending to have a quick comb through the paperwork and determine if she could drag out the more crucial reports. 

She spied a letter, recognising the handwriting, it was her sister’s. She dreaded opening it, it would half full of grievances about Anton and the rest well, whatever bizarre hobby Lyssa found this time seeking a distraction from her husband’s company. If Kai was particularly lucky, there may be a couple of paragraphs about her nieces. She placed it to one side, focusing on the reports first. She would read the letter afterwards.

\------------------------------------------------------

Stepping back through the Eluvian, Kai was stunned by what she had seen and learned, both the by the beauty and the danger of the Crossroads. If this was what Corypheus sought, the dark world she saw in the future was still a dangerous possibility. The sole saving grace was that he hadn’t discovered one yet, but from Morrigan’s remarks, this was his objective. Morrigan closed the portal, and the Eluvian looked just like coloured glass, no longer a doorway.

If they thought closing the Breach was the end of their woes, it was purely the start of much worse. Even after foiling his plans with the demon army and the conspiracy to assassinate Celene, they were still no closer to finding him, only nipping at his forces when they encountered those. It was undeniable, his designs had spanned years in their development and realisation. Only now were they picking up the strands he had woven.

Kai became conscious of Morrigan watching her as they stood there.

“Something you wish to ask, Morrigan?” Kai inquired.

“Yes, I am curious how you discovered this place. It is not something you would stumble upon,” she prompted.

“Solas knew of it and guided us here. We were rather lucky he did,” Kai answered candidly. 

It was common knowledge he was the one who suggested Skyhold as a home for the Inquisition, so she had no qualms about telling Morrigan.

“Fate is often mistaken for luck, as Mother was fond of saying,” Morrigan replied.

Kai groaned inside at the mention of Fate. Just when she had hoped that notion was put to rest, it reared its ugly head again. She refocused quickly.

“You mean Flemeth,” Kai remarked, seeing Morrigan’s face darken briefly.

“Inquisitor, is there some purpose to you seeking to goad me? I realise you did not want me here, that much is clear. But let me reassure you my purpose is to aid you in stopping Corypheus. Make no mistake, his desire to become a god threatens us all.” Morrigan’s manner was sharp and impatient.

Kai’s tone was direct when she spoke. “Please don’t misunderstand, I am grateful for your aid. In fact, I welcome any assistance in fighting Corypheus from whatever quarter. I don’t give a fig who or what they are, only that the support they offer is a genuine and steadfast commitment for as long we are fighting him. That is all I ask.”

“And that is what I am offering, Inquisitor. It pains me to have to reassure you repeatedly that this is the case. I have no intention of leaving before the task is accomplished. I am not in the habit of leaving something unfinished,” Morrigan emphasised forcefully.

“So...why did you leave the task unfinished ten years ago, when you walked out on Aedan? If it’s not something you do, why did you then?” Kai demanded, her stare firmly on Morrigan.

Kai could have sworn she saw Morrigan look momentarily uncomfortable before she recovered her composure.

“That is not a question I am inclined to answer, other than to say we had a difference of view. I wish it had ended better, and I do regret now not remaining until the conclusion. However, that time is past and cannot be altered,” she explained. 

There was indeed a hint of genuine regret as she spoke surprising Kai somewhat. Regret was not what she expected to hear. She had to nudge a little more, just to see if Morrigan would give up anything else. Kai had one card left to play, and if Morrigan didn’t bite, that would be that.

“He lied to you, you know, when he brought back the grimoire from Flemeth,” she announced quietly.

Morrigan puzzled very briefly until the realisation struck her. 

“They didn’t slay her?” she uttered. “The conniving...” she growled, her fists clenched. “I did not assume killing her would actually destroy her, but I trusted his word when he claimed it was done,” she spat out. 

She glared at Kai. “I hope you are not lying to me.”

“Morrigan, look at me. Do I look as if I’m lying?” Kai returned her glare, unfazed. 

“No, you do not. Very well, I will give you an answer, and then ask me no more on this matter. I require your solemn word you will not repeat this to anyone,” she sought.

“You have my assurance, Morrigan,” Kai confirmed.

“I presented an opportunity, a chance to slay the archdemon and live, but he declined. Now can I assume this is the end of the matter?” Morrigan demanded.

“It is,” Kai replied, her answer brief, simply because she didn’t know what else to add.

She stared as Morrigan walked away, leaving her standing alone in the room, frozen, shocked and dismayed. Of all the things she expected, this would have never been one of them. He could have lived, he didn’t need to die. 

_He could have lived._

All that pain, all that suffering she went through after his death, the choice she made...it didn’t have to be that way. 

_He left her when he could have lived._

Kai forced her foot forward to take a step, breaking the hold she felt. Then another and another until she was back in her quarters. She locked the door behind her, and made her way up the stairs to her desk. Opening the bottom draw, she picked up a box and took out her betrothal ring, holding it, staring at it. Even though they had been pledged to each other, he asked her to marry him...

 

The initial visit to Highever had been a brief one with her parents. She was just shy of her seventeenth birthday. The minute she laid eyes on him, she fell in love; he was handsome and intelligent, with raven black hair and the most beautiful pools of deep blue that were his eyes. He completely and utterly captivated her. They were given some time together, supervised of course, and when he talked, she couldn’t take her eyes off him nor stop listening to his voice. Maker, how could she be so lucky?

The second visit was longer, and Lyssa was tasked with being her chaperone on this occasion, as the negotiations were already in hand. This visit was to grant the two of them a chance to become acquainted. Lyssa often allowed them some time alone. Not sufficient to arouse suspicion, but enough to grant them some privacy. 

She learned how funny he could be, teasing her, but never unkindly. And she saw how fiery he could be, and the flash of temper in an exchange with Fergus. 

He took her to the gardens and knelt before her, saying he loved her and asking her to be his wife. He didn’t have to, but he wanted to, he declared, this was his commitment to her, separate from what their families arranged. He adored her; he wanted them to be together the rest of their days. 

_He promised to never leave her. He promised on his life._

She, of course, said yes, vowing to always love him. She would give him so many children, she laughed. Maker, she had only had a vague notion about how the whole thing worked. When he said that he would enjoy making them with her, the look in his eyes told her this might be fun. ‘Show me,’ she replied smirking. They arranged to meet that night, and she crept out once her sister was asleep. 

When he kissed her, and his hands and mouth explored her body, she thought her soul, let alone her body, was on fire. She wanted, she needed something, but didn’t understand what it was. He never pressured her, he actually asked permission. She answered yes, and he took her virginity, there and then in the gardens of his parents’ estate. She loved and wanted him so much, she made him take her again.

That night, she would have given him her life if he asked her. It was her perfect memory, and she clung onto it for so many years. She was angry that he sacrificed himself, but eventually accepted it. To learn now that there was another way...

_It was all a lie._

 

Kai palmed the ring, tears rolling down her face. She opened the doors and stepped out onto the balcony. Taking one last look at the ring, she threw it over the side, following it as it flew, arcing downward before it disappeared into the peaks around Skyhold. She was no longer that naive seventeen year old girl, and should have left this behind already. It was time to grow up. Kai took a deep breath and dried her eyes. 

Katarina Alana Isabella Trevelyan was the Inquisitor with a duty to defeat a darkspawn magister. She was fortunate to have three amazing Advisors and a plethora of people to aid her in that task.

She had a wonderful friend who had stood by her in her worst moments. She was with a man she loved and who loved her, messy and complicated maybe, but this time it was real, not some fantasy ideal.

Now she had to tell him what happened, he had the right to know. 

_Then maybe she could put her past to rest._


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai tells Cullen the story behind her accident, but his response is not what she is expecting. She also gets an opportunity two solve two of her problems, one from a source close to home.  
> .  
> .

Kai wanted to tell Cullen, but by the time she reached the door to the Great Hall, the bravery that led to this decision was threatening to desert her. What would Cullen think of her when he knew? Her stomach began to churn, the nausea rising. She had only told the story once, years ago, and here she was, about to tell it again. To Cullen. Kai swallowed down on the growing nervousness, drawing in several deep breaths. You have to this now, she said to herself, and stepped out, making her way through the Great Hall.

Nodding to Varric as she rounded to pass through Solas’ rotunda, he called to her.

“If you’re searching for Curly, he’s gone that a way,” he advised her, pointing towards the door leading to the garden.

“Oh right, thanks Varric,” she smiled weakly, and shifted direction.

“You alright?” he asked with a note of concern, peering at her.

“Sure, just a little tired, that’s all,” she assured him, broadening her smile. “Just trying to avoid Revered Mothers,” she joked. 

Varric had walked in on the end of her exchange with the Revered Mother, when he came to see Josephine. Her answer seemed to convince him as he smiled back. 

“Right. You have all the fun,” he chuckled.

“Don’t I just. Perks of the job, I suppose,” she smiled. “Catch you later.”

“Sure,” he acknowledged. “Oh, and by the way, thanks for getting Curly to send aid to Kirkwall. I realise they couldn’t actually do much, but it’s appreciated,” he added gratefully.

“No problem. Hopefully we’ll discover a means to prevent the red lyrium from spreading, but at least they’ve quarantined the Gallows for now,” she explained, watching him nodding, 

His expression became thoughtful. “Honestly, I never imagined finding that damn idol would come to this, never mind Corypheus. Sometimes things just come back to bite you in the ass,” he exhaled heavily, picking up a letter. 

“We never can foresee what consequences our actions have, Varric. Don’t blame yourself. Brooding over what might, or might not happened just stops you from getting on with fixing it,” she responded gently. She always sought to be sensitive with Varric about the red lyrium and Corypheus, appreciating how much he regretted being involved in unleashing both. He felt awful enough already. 

His tone was wistful. “I guess, but these things don’t get fixed that easily. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here now.” 

“Doesn’t mean we can’t keep trying,” she reassured him, watching a slight smile burst out.

“You always have an answer,” he remarked with a chortle. “Ach, never mind me. Go and find Curly, and put that silly grin on his face. The funny thing is, he doesn’t realise he’s doing it, and then tries to look all serious when you tell him.” 

Kai shook her head, laughing. Talking with Varric had settled her some. “He’s not as stuffy, or as grumpy, as you all make him out to be,” she emphasised.

Varric raised an eyebrow, coughing. “Maybe not with you, but you do seem to be able to tame the beast.”

“How did you....? Ugh...never mind, I think I can guess,” she groaned hearing Varric laugh.

“Let’s just say, word travels in Skyhold.” He winked and returned to his table.

Kai tutted and spun on her heel, heading off to the garden. If Cullen was there, he was either playing chess with Dorian, or in the Chantry room. There was always going to be gossip about them, they were high profile members of the Inquisition, not to mention a pairing of opposites. Well, perhaps initially, but now they seemed to be picking up each other’s traits. Cullen did laugh more and she could be more serious. 

Cullen wasn’t at the chess table, so she wandered to the Chantry room. He was there, praying. Unlike her, his belief was strong, and undeniably what got him through the trauma he’d experienced. Both knew each other’s position, but seldom talked about it, not because they evaded it, but because they accepted it. 

Kai leant against the doorframe, waiting for him to finish. After her initial exploration of Skyhold, she never returned to this room, there wasn’t any reason. Her mind drifted as she watched him. Remembering how hard she prayed, for the word of Aedan’s death to be a mistake and for the Maker to bring him back to her, and then for the Maker to deliver her from her suffering. None of it made any difference. And now she realised she’d wasted her time. 

Cullen rose and faced her, smiling. “I thought we were meeting tonight?” he asked, a tad puzzled.

Kai stepped in and clicked the door shut behind her, leaning on it momentarily.

“I...need to talk to you,” she began, scratching her head as she stepped a few paces towards him. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to explain to you.” The tension in her belly reawakened and her heart thumped a little quicker in response. She could almost feel the colour draining from her cheeks.

His brows furrowed in concern. “Kai, what’s wrong? You look pale.” 

“Just let me tell you. I have to tell you, Cullen. Please sit down and hear me out,” she babbled. This wasn’t a good start, she thought, and took a long deep breath.

“Now you’re worrying me,” he said, the furrow deepening. Cullen perched on one of the benches and waited, watching her.

 _You’re worried_ , she thought. Maker, if she didn’t take a hold of herself, she would mess this up. She decided to sit down else she would end up pacing. Kai sat on the bench with Cullen, and glanced at him before taking another breath. 

“Back in Haven, I told you about my accident...well, there’s more. It was an accident. But...it wasn’t what I intended to do...it went wrong,” she said hesitantly.

“It went wrong...” he echoed, “...you said that before.” 

“Yes,” she sighed. Kai stared at her hands, clasped together to quieten the trembling. Funny how old habits came back when you needed them. “After Aedan died, I had...difficulty accepting his death...and when I eventually understood he wasn’t coming back to me...I wanted to go to him.” 

When she glanced at Cullen, he was still watching her. “Go on,” he instructed.

She faced away, wary of seeing his reaction. “I planned to take my own life, had the details mapped out. At the time I wasn’t thinking clearly, the man I loved was taken from me, the things I’d dreamt about, hoped for, gone. All my life I’d been groomed for one purpose, marriage and children, accepting it may not be a union based on love. But suddenly, to have someone who I did love and to lose that, to lose him...” she swallowed, hard. 

“I never reached my destination that day. There are gaps, some bits I don’t remember. One minute I was heading into the stables, and the next, waking up against a stall door in severe pain, bleeding out, and seeing double. I tried to get up, but the pain was too much. I shouted, and one of the stable boys found me and ran to bring help.

Ama sent for a mage and healers; they stemmed the bleeding and saved me. The diagnosis was a fractured pelvis, internal injuries and concussion. The fracture wasn’t severe and would heal with rest. But the internal damage would leave me unable to bear children. The concussion, well...that’s why I recognised what it was after Haven. 

I know I should have explained before, I realise that, but I guess I wasn’t sure how to or when, and it just kept slipping back and...” the torrent of words cut off as she peered at Cullen.

He was staring at the floor, impassive, save for the muscles in his jaw clenching and unclenching and the tautness in his body. She waited for him to speak; she wanted him to say something, anything. She’d never seen him this silent before. 

“Cullen?” she inquired tentatively, wanting to touch him, but fearing how he would react. 

He didn’t respond and Kai looked away. She waited, hands still clasped, heart still drumming in her chest. The silence brooded over her. Tension became dismay, then trepidation. When he at last spoke, it startled her.

“Why would you...?” he asked, anxious and bewildered.

“I’m sorry...” she fumbled not knowing what else to say. 

Kai looked back at him. He was facing away, staring towards the door. She heard a sharp exhale before he stood up.

“I...need some time...” he said, his voice shaking as he strode to the door. Cullen opened the door and walked out, shutting it behind him.

Kai thought he would be angry with her. Perhaps, shock and anger even, but not distress. And he couldn’t even look at her. She had to allow him time, time to absorb it, she thought. Maybe they could talk more tonight. But another little voice was telling her _you’ve fucked it up now, it came back to bite you in the arse, didn’t it._

As the lump rose in her throat and the tears behind her eyes threatened to burst loose, she sat clenching and unclenching her fists to take back control. She could not break down, not now and not here. _Remember you’re a Trevelyan. It broke you all those years ago, but it doesn’t mean you turn into a fumbling, sobbing mess now. You just need to wait and see what happens._

As the desire to let go finally receded, and Kai regained her composure, she headed back to her quarters, and the sanctuary of her room. _You need to keep busy, distract yourself, read some reports. You promised Leliana to clear the stack of documents before you left, so get cracking._

Kai sat at her desk and saw the letter from Lyssa. Sooner or later she would have to read it, and decided now was as good a time as any.

The news inside was not what she anticipated. Lyssa informed her that she had left Anton, taking her two daughters with her, and was petitioning for annulment on grounds of adultery. The three of them had travelled to Ostwick and were residing with Papa. As predicted, Papa wanted her to return to Anton and patch things up. A marriage with a Penterghast was not something to be tossed aside, he urged. Kai knew she wouldn’t, this was precisely what Lyssa had been waiting for, a chance to escape him. There was no way she would seek to reconcile. Lyssa needed Kai’s support to convince Papa to relent and allow her to remain in Ostwick. 

As she sat there growling at her sister for her terrible timing, Kai suddenly realised this might not be such a bad outcome after all. She had an idea, such a sweet idea. Maker, it might even work. She just required a little traction on Lyssa to encourage her if need be, although she assumed she would likely be amenable. There were two people Kai needed to visit now, and maybe, just maybe, make two problems finally go away.

Her biggest worry was no longer in her control. That was up to Cullen, and he needed time. 

But what she could fix, she damn well would. 

\------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen sat at his desk, mulling over what she’d told him, attempting to understand. It would have been easier to be angry with her, but all he had was uncertainty and unease, and he didn’t handle either well. 

He assumed he knew her; she was open, nothing hidden. But she kept this from him. The person he knew, the woman he loved, he could never imagine she was capable of thinking of taking her own life, let alone planning it. It was only due to circumstance, or fate or luck that she didn’t die. When Kai was set on something, she would stubbornly pursue it to its conclusion. 

She could be vulnerable, he’d seen that. But invariably he thought her stable and strong, providing him with certainty and stability. Maker, how often had she let him lean on her, bolstered him when he needed it. With her he could be himself, she accepted him as he was. He was aware of her blips as she called them, where her normal control would fail her, never thinking anything much of them before. Now it made him wonder what could happen. 

How much pressure could she bear before she folded? What was she capable of given the right trigger? 

That’s what bothered him most, the possibility it could happen again. In Halamshiral she admitted that a life without him wouldn’t be a life for her anymore. What if they couldn’t identify a way for them to stay together, for her to not have to return to Ostwick? Would she behave the same way if she couldn’t be with him? Just the prospect caused him to feel physically sick. 

_Not for me. I could never, ever, forgive myself if she did that on my account._

Right now, he had no idea what to do, what to say to her. As it was, he was developing a migraine, and pressed his fingers against his temple to push back on the pressure building in his head. A wet nose nuzzled his hand and he saw Izzy staring at him, her head cocked. She placed her paw on the handle of the bottom draw. He had to smile.

“Hello girl, you always see, don’t you,” he said to her. She replied with two short barks.

Cullen reached in the draw for a potion, and drank it. It would stave off the worst of the pain, but when the migraines became this severe, it never totally left him. However, it made the difference between being able to function, or not.

“Happy now?” he inquired, getting another two barks in response, and what almost looked like a grin. 

She pushed closer, and propped her head on his thigh. Cullen took off his glove and fussed her; the connection gave them both reassurance. Knowing Izzy was there, it helped. She never judged him either, accepting whatever mood he was in. Izzy knew when he desired to be left alone and when he needed company.

Cullen decided to do the one thing he knew would distract him, he would work now, and think on it more later on. Although they had arranged dinner, he wasn’t ready to see her. She would be hoping for a response, anything, but he had nothing.

 _Forgive me, Kai. I’m not ready to talk with you, not yet._

Cullen wrote a note and found one of his messengers on the battlements outside. The same man he’d driven out earlier, now glancing at him anxiously. He was new, and Cullen should find out his name, but right now, his thoughts were elsewhere.

“Take this to the Inquisitor,” he directed.

The man seemed grateful not to be shouted at. “Yes, Commander. Should I wait for a reply?” he inquired.

“At her discretion,” he answered, walking back into his office.

Cullen sat back down and started working, focusing his attention onto the paperwork on his desk. This was something he could handle. Izzy settled her head back onto his thigh as he began.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai walked into Josephine’s office to be greeted by a more cheerful Josephine. 

“Oh Inquisitor, I was just about to send for you. I’ve succeeded in sourcing a mediator for you, Lady Ryla Helmi. She is extremely well regarded and should be capable of settling your little dispute. She comes with excellent recommendations.” Josephine was smiling.

“Josie, that is uncanny. I was actually coming to inquire how the hunt was going. Thank you so much, I am in your debt,” Kai replied, a small smile of relief passing over her face.

“Lady Helmi is arriving tonight and would like to speak with you. I do appreciate it is short notice, but I’ve just had word myself. She sympathises with the need to resolve this as a matter of urgency, so if you could discuss matters with her then, she will start her trip to Ostwick tomorrow,” Josephine informed her.

Tonight, oh...damn, Kai thought. She was due to have dinner with Cullen and really wanted to have a chance to talk with him, especially now. But this was important too; it meant a potential agreement between her brother and father. He would surely understand.

“That’s fine, Josie. I’m happy to meet with her. I’ll prepare a letter for her, and send one to my father and brother to advise them of her arrival,” Kai affirmed.

“Excellent. Would you like me to attend the meeting too?” she suggested.

“I think that would be helpful. Sometimes I tend to forget my previous vocation, and behave more like the Inquisitor. Such as being inflexible with a Revered Mother,” Kai sighed. “Your guidance would be most welcome.” 

Josephine tittered. “Yes, I’m certain I can keep you in line, Inquisitor. I’ll arrange accommodation for her and refreshments for the meeting.” 

“Thank you, Josie. You think of everything,” Kai nodded gratefully.

One job done, the next one involved a trip to the tavern. Kai walked in, seeing Bull in his customary spot, with a perfect view of everything going on.

Krem was back in Orlais convincing various mercenary groups to buy out to the Inquisition. Not everyone was thrilled with how things ended after Halamshiral. Some of the nobles planned to rebel and hired mercenary groups to bolster their forces. While Krem was picking up their groups for the Inquisition, Josephine was employing her diplomatic skill on the nobles concerned.

Kai bought a couple of ales and seated herself next to Bull.

“Boss, if you want a favour, you don’t need to butter me up,” he said grabbing the tankard from her.

“The drink is for you, not for a favour, Bull. What I do need is information,” she explained.

“Thought you had Red for that?” he questioned, taking a drink.

“I suspect only you and one other person are party to this, unless it got into one of your reports,” she remarked, lifting an eyebrow.

He glanced at her. “I think I can guess where you’re going with this one, but ask.”

“I need to know because it might help me and her, not because I wish to hurt anyone. And I guarantee not to use it unless absolutely necessary.” She saw Bull nod. 

Kai spoke quietly. “Alright. When you came to clear out the spiders from my sister’s winter home, so I could stay there...did you bed my sister?”

Bull shook his head, chuckling. “Don’t tell me you didn’t already know?”

“I just needed to be sure. Thank you,” she affirmed. Kai took a swig of ale. Bull could never resist a redhead. And it was precisely what she needed should she have to lean on her sister.

“No problem. Tell me, has she left him yet?” Bull asked, glancing away before looking back at her.

“She has now. And I can give her an opportunity, and she can solve a problem for me,” Kai confided. 

“I think that guy might be searching for you,” Bull was pointing ahead.

She spotted a man walking from the bar to where she and Bull were sitting. It was one of Cullen’s messengers, the poor man he bawled out earlier, looking a little uneasy.

“Inquisitor,” he nodded. “I’ve a message for you from the Commander.” 

Kai took the offered note. “Thank you,” she acknowledged, opening it up to read.

 

==

_Could we re-arrange dinner? I’m sorry, but I need some more time._

_Cullen_

===

 

The message was typical Cullen, brief and to the point. It was the reason that caused her heart to plummet. She sought to prevent the emotion showing in her face.

“Is there a reply?” he inquired.

“There is,” she answered, folding the note. “Tell him, _‘another time then’_.”

The messenger nodded and left. Kai could sense Bull’s eyes watching her.

“This solution, is it for you and Cullen?” Bull inquired.

“I hope so,” she responded softly. The message made her wonder, had her admission caused a profounder impact than she anticipated. Did he need more time, or was he avoiding her?

“Then why aren’t you happier?” he asked.

Kai stared at him; his expression was gentle as he looked back. The tears were pricking at the back of her eyes again and she swiftly glanced down, drawing a deep breath. There was no lying or avoiding with Bull, but she didn’t want to go into detail. Her fingers fiddled absentmindedly with the note as she spoke.

“Let’s just say he learnt something of my past today and I’m uncertain where it will lead us. Right now, I’m not altogether optimistic,” she admitted, glancing back at Bull.

“Cullen loves you, Boss. I don’t imagine he would give you up easily,” Bull replied, peering at her.

“I love him too. This is why I needed to find a way to stay with him, but I can’t help thinking....” Kai sighed and slipped the note into her pocket.

“Talk to him,” Bull suggested gently.

“I want to, but right now he doesn’t,” she explained. “He wants time, so time he has. I can wait,” smiling weakly as she got up.

Bull exhaled heavily, shaking his head. “You know, sometimes what we want and what we need aren’t the same thing,” he counselled her.

“I can wait,” Kai repeated, with a somewhat firmer tone. “See you later, Bull,” she waved and turned.

“Later, Boss,” he replied wearily.

Bull meant well, but she couldn’t bring herself to pressure Cullen. She had a visit to prepare for and letters to write, and headed back to her quarters.

\---------------------------------------------------------

As the door opened, Cullen looked up to see the messenger returning. He began to doubt that she would send a response, even though he left the option open.

“Sorry Commander, it took me a while to locate the Inquisitor,” he apologised hesitantly.

Not surprising, if she was doing her rounds, she could be anywhere.

“It’s fine,” Cullen answered, seeing the man relax a little. “I’m fully aware of how problematic it can be to track her down sometimes.” 

“She asked me to tell you, _‘another time then’_.”

“Thank you,” Cullen replied, realising he should really ask the man his name, if they were to be working together. “What do I call you?”

“Jim, Ser,” he said. “Will that be all?”

“For now, yes. Thank you Jim,” he acknowledged, looking back down at his papers. He heard Jim leave.

 _‘Another time then’_. He used to say that to her back in Haven, when she did her rounds, checking in with everyone, seeing if there was new information, or if they required anything, or just telling a story to cheer them up. Sometimes she would amble over to him smiling. It took a while before he recognised when she had that particular smile, it was usually when he wasn’t in the best of moods and was doubtless looking stern.

“Hello Cullen,” she would greet him breezily.

“Is there something you needed?” he would ask trying not to growl. She did irritate him in the beginning, and he preferred to make the exchange quick.

“Nope, just checking in, making certain you were alright,” she trilled.

“I’m fine,” he insisted.

“Good. That was all I wanted to know,” she grinned.

“Another time then,” he would answer dismissively.

Then one day her answer changed, “Tell me, Cullen. What can I do to help take away that grumpy face for you?” she questioned, with a radiant smile.

The sheer unexpectedness and eccentricity of her answer at first threw him, and then forced him to smile. Only later that day did he discover Varric bet her she couldn’t make him smile; she informed him as she shared the winnings with him. Only fair she claimed, he did his bit and it was such a beautiful smile, she laughed. He should have been annoyed, but Cullen got some satisfaction from getting Varric back for the frequent remarks about his stuffy demeanour and how he should ease up more. Kai was aware of the remarks, and he did wonder if she manoeuvred Varric into the bet.

That was the day he realised there was more to her than glibness and frivolity. The teasing continued, but his sense of irritation faded. The exchange was no longer was something he had to put up with, but something he looked forward to. _‘Another time then’_ became an acknowledgement, rather than a dismissal. That’s what she was saying with her reply. He was keeping her away, and even then she respected what he wanted. 

He sighed, thinking about her made him want to see her, but he’d put off their dinner now. And he still didn’t know what to say to her. Was he overthinking things again? He rubbed his eyes with his forefinger and thumb, the frustration over what to do gnawing at him now. 

Give him a battle and he could provide a strategy, tactics, whatever was needed. But this, he didn’t know what to do with this. A part of him felt like his sense of reality was overturned. The woman he thought strong was in fact more fragile. Would his need overwhelm her, or would avoiding her, as he was in effect doing now, be worse?

Cullen decided to get some air, his concentration was gone. A walk and some cold, fresh air would help clear his head. He smiled at Izzy.

“Shall we go for a walk, Izzy?” he asked.

The bounding around and barking told him she thought it was a good idea too.

As he opened the door, she raced ahead a little, then stopped and looked around waiting for him to catch up. The pair of them walked down to the bottom courtyard and out of Skyhold, into the mountains. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late in the evening when the meeting with Ryla Helmi finally drew to a close. The woman was formidable, but extremely funny and Kai took to her immediately. And she would absolutely own her father and brother; they had no chance. Ryla could encourage them to sign their lives away willingly should she wish to, Kai had no doubt.

“I appreciate this, Ryla. I have no qualms about the success of your endeavours and you have no idea how happy that makes me feel,” Kai smiled.

“My pleasure, Inquisitor. After Orlais, a trip to the Free Marches will be a refreshing change. I’ll keep Josephine informed as my progress and contact her should I require any further information. Now, if you don’t mind, some rest would be welcome before we set out tomorrow. I like to get started early; I do love mornings for travelling.” Ryla replied, smiling.

“Of course, I’ll arrange for someone to show you to your quarters,” added Josephine, indicating to the stairs. “We have arranged an early breakfast for you and your escort, as per your instructions.”

“Your Ambassador is a treasure, Inquisitor. Make sure you hang onto her,” Ryla said, nodding to Josephine appreciatively.

Kai could swear she saw a slight blush cross Josephine’s cheeks.

“We have no intention of letting her escape, believe me. I don’t know what I would do without her, in fact without any of my Advisors,” Kai beamed.

“Yes, in your case, a good Council is essential. Me, I prefer to work alone, but I understand you did similar work yourself once?” Ryla questioned, looking back to Kai.

“Indeed. That seems like an age ago now. But I fear my conciliatory skills are a little rusty, while my fighting skills a little more attuned.” Kai admitted. More than a little was closer to the truth.

“One adapts, Inquisitor. From what I hear in your case, quite well it seems,” Ryla smiled. “Let’s just say Orlais is still a quiver about your exploits at the Winter Palace.”

Kai scratched her head, a slightly embarrassed smile on her face. “Let’s just say, it’s a comfort to know that is behind us,” she remarked, seeing the knowing look on Ryla’s face. 

“I quite understand, one finds a firmer foundation to work on...elsewhere,” she laughed. “I should retire, but before I leave there is one thing, just a little snippet. I like to give my clients something fun to remember me by. I understand Varric Tethras has joined you?” A little smirk broke out on Ryla’s face.

“He has,” confirmed Kai, wondering what Varric had to do with all this.

“I’ve never met him personally, but know him from another member of my family. I suspect he’s already writing a book about the adventures of the Inquisition. Well, I leave a name for you Inquisitor, should you wish to censor unwelcome remarks. Dusana Helmi. Drop that name and I’m certain it will do the trick,” she divulged, the smirk broader now.

“Thank you, Ryla,” Kai acknowledged, slightly confused, but imprinting the name in her memory. “Good night.”

“Good night, Inquisitor,” she nodded before leaving. 

Josephine saw her down to the Great Hall, before returning.

“Well, she’s quite something,” Josephine admitted. “I’ve never quite such a combination of diplomacy and sheer power of personality before.”

“I know what you mean,” Kai agreed. “I am more than content to pay the extra she asked for. She is worth every copper of it.”

“Indeed, I suggest we keep her in mind, should we require help for the Inquisition as well. She would be a valuable asset,” Josephine suggested.

Kai snapped around to look at Josephine, slightly alarmed. “Josie, you’re not thinking of leaving...are you?”

“No, Inquisitor. But one must make provision, just in case,” she said sadly.

Kai was reassuring. “We’ll get it sorted, Josie, don’t worry. I’ve already told the others we’ll start first thing. We’ll get your papers ratified and then ride on. I know what’s at stake here, believe me. If Minister Bellise insists on me personally delivering them, that’s what she’ll get. We’ll get them sent off safely for you. I promise.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor. Hopefully we can clear this up before the House of Repose comes knocking at the door,” she sighed.

Kai was tempted to joke that they probably wouldn’t knock, but decided it was too tactless in the circumstances. They were lucky so far, but assassin’s guilds were notorious for their tenacity. Send enough assassins after someone and one would eventually get through. Or not, as Kai hoped. They heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and Leliana appeared.

“Inquisitor, Josie,” she greeted them.

“I just wished to inform you, the package has arrived,” she announced looking at Kai.

Josephine groaned. “I am not a child; please don’t treat me like one with these ridiculous codewords. I know precisely who you are talking about. You two aren’t the only ones with agents you know,” she complained, looking sternly at them in turn.

“We just wanted to protect you Josie, it’s a delicate situation for you,” Leliana insisted, staring back.

“Yes, but do not assume that means I am delicate too,” Josephine scoffed. “I wish to be there when you judge him, Inquisitor.”

Leliana’s eyebrows shot up. “I really would not...” she began before being abruptly cut off.

“It’s not your decision, Leliana. I believe the Inquisitor has the authority to decide here,” Josephine asserted, turning to Kai. 

Leliana followed suit, and they were both watching Kai, waiting for her response. Maker, she was screwed whichever option she chose. Kai turned away and paced a few steps. Be there, but not _be there_ , she thought. Yes!

“I will agree to you being there Josie, but not in the Hall. I believe your presence may affect how Black...Rainier presents his case. But...I’m sure if your door to the Hall was ajar, you would be able to see the proceedings.” It was semantics, allowing Josephine to see the judgement, but not seen to be present. 

“Very well, Inquisitor. I can accept that,” she agreed, a little reluctantly. “I will return to my office and await the judgement.” With that she left.

Leliana waited until they heard the door close, and even then, she peered over the half wall first.

“I still don’t like it,” she pointed out. “But I can live with it if it stops an argument. I know Josie when she gets something into her head. She almost as bad as you.” She looked accusingly at Kai.

“Leliana, no one is as bad as me,” she smiled.

“Yes, you could be right there. You can be somewhat dogged in your pursuit of an objective,” she admitted, smiling. “Even Cullen isn’t as stubborn as you in that regard,” she teased.

Kai’s face dropped before she could stop her reaction. Cullen. She’d been so distracted with the meeting she hadn’t had time to reflect more about how he might be, and what he must be thinking. 

“Kai? What’s happened?” she asked, peering at her.

Kai looked at Leliana. “I told him...everything...about the accident.”

“Oh.” Leliana sighed in consolation. “What did he say?”

“Not much. ‘Why would you...?’ and ‘I...need some time.’ Those were his exact words,” she said sadly. “And then he cancelled dinner, saying he needed more time, but he did say sorry.” 

Kai exhaled heavily. “I don’t even know what he thinks about me now.”

Leliana walked over and hugged her. “Give him time. Cullen loves you, he won’t let you go. But if he tries, I’ll have words with him,” she insisted.

Kai let out a little laugh. “My friend, the dark mistress of intrigue going up against the Commander of the Inquisition. I don’t rate his chances,” she quipped wearily.

“Exactly, so you know he will see sense,” Leliana smiled. “I’m far more fearsome, ask anyone.”

“Maybe if they don’t know you,” Kai smiled weakly.

“And I rely on you not to give my secret away. If word gets out, it’ll be you I’ll be going up against,” she warned, narrowing her eyes, but the smile still there.

Kai shook her head. “Trust me, I know the reprimand would be worse than any retribution,” she reminded Leliana. 

“That it would, my friend, that it would,” Leliana replied, cupping Kai’s cheek. “But right now, you have a judgement to carry out, and Josephine is waiting. So remember your training, and show me the Inquisitor,” she ordered.

Kai closed her eyes, took a deep breath straightening up and donning her Inquisitor face as directed. It was a mask of course, but Leliana had taught her years ago how to do this. As she had taught Kai many things, not all of which she employed, but the training was still there.

“There she is,” Leliana said approvingly. “Ready, Inquisitor?”

“Ready, Sister Nightingale,” she confirmed, her voice and manner steady. “Lead the way.”

The two of them made their way to the Great Hall.

++++

It was just before midnight when she finished judging Blackwall. The guards had been sent away and there was just her and Leliana in the Hall with him. Josephine was peering in from the doorway. Kai didn’t intend this judgement to be public. Word would eventually reach Celene, it was bound to, but they had made contingency plans in case it became too much of a problem. 

“Thom Rainier, once this is over, you will join the Wardens. But for now, the Inquisition still needs your help,” she announced and got up from her throne, walking over to him.

“Not everyone makes it through the joining, you do know that,” she said, as she unlocked the chains binding him and they fell to the floor.

“Then it will be no more than I deserve.” He paused and looked up at her. “I am grateful, and I promise to make it count. You really do give everyone a second chance, don’t you,” he said appreciatively.

“Not everyone,” she replied. “But anyone willing to redeem themselves, absolutely.” 

He darted a look at Leliana, before whispering. “Do you think Josephine will ever forgive me?”

“That’s between you and her. All I would say is don’t upset her more, otherwise I may not have your head, but I’m sure my Spymaster would find a use for it,” she whispered back.

He coughed nervously. “Point taken, Inquisitor,” he acknowledged. “And thank you.”

As Blackwall turned to leave, Josephine stepped out into the Great Hall. As he looked at her, Kai saw her face soften, but she couldn’t see his expression. He turned back, and continued walking out, and passed through the doors disappearing from view.

Josephine walked up to her. “Thank you, Inquisitor,” she said softly and then returned to her office.

Leliana came and stood next to Kai. “If he hurts her again, I will make his life hell,” she warned. “But taking his head? That was a little melodramatic,” she scoffed.

“You wanted fearsome, you got fearsome,” Kai shot back, with a slight smile, seeing Leliana tut in reply.

“Always an answer,” she sighed. Leliana looked at her. “Did you want me to come and stay with you awhile?” she asked softly.

“No, but thank you. I need to plough through the paperwork on my desk before we leave in the morning. Maybe I’ll see him before I leave,” she replied, linking her arm through Leliana’s. “Even if I have to wait longer, I will. He’s worth waiting for.”

“Kai?” Leliana inquired. “I understand you needed to tell him, but why did you decide to tell him now?”

“I grew up, my friend. I finally grew up,” she replied enigmatically. “Night, Leliana.” She kissed her friend on the cheek, seeing the puzzled look. 

“Night, Kai,” she answered. “You’re not going to tell me are you,” she added as Kai walked away.

“This time I can’t, please trust me on this. If I could I would,” she sighed, opening the door and heading back to her quarters.

As she rounded the stairs into her room, she dropped her head groaning. The pile looked depressingly large. Kai stripped down to her shirt and leggings, and pulled off the breastband Josie had forced her to wear, again. Lighting some fresh candles to add more light, she sat at her desk and made a start.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen woke with a start, heart racing, looking around confused, until he realised where he was. Another nightmare, the old one. Maker’s breath! He’d not had one since the Winter Palace, not since the one where Kai appeared in it. He sat up, taking deep breaths, slowing down his heartbeat and easing the tension that inevitably built up. After a few minutes, he felt calmer. If Kai were here, she’d relax him, soothe him, and he would go back to sleep feeling better...but she wasn’t because he had asked her not to come. 

He had to rely on himself this time. The last thing he wanted to do was try and sleep again. Cullen decided to get up and do what he otherwise did, go for a walk. Another walk, he thought, sighing. He slung on some clothes and headed down the ladder to his office. Izzy looked up at him from her bed.

“Come with me if you want,” he offered, indicating to the door. She got up and came to him.

As he looked down, he saw a note pushed through the bottom of the door. He threw the note on his desk and headed out onto the battlements. It was the early hours of the morning, and bracing. But so quiet, with only the night watch around. Totally different to the bustling hive of activity that was Skyhold in the daytime. The peace was welcome and he took in a deep breath, hoping to banish the last remnants of his dream.

As Cullen walked further along, he looked up knowing he would soon see Kai’s quarters. The tall glass doors always looked like windows from this distance. As he saw them come into view, he could see light in her room, unusual because she would normally be asleep or with him. Was she still working at this time of the morning? If she was travelling out later, this was not sensible. She needed to get some sleep.

Maker, he would have to go and...Cullen stopped his train of thought. What right did he have to march up there and order her to bed? His hand followed the well worn pattern of reaching for the back of his neck. But he also had a duty to her as Inquisitor, irrespective of their relationship. Keys, he needed the keys. He headed back and retrieved them, Izzy following his steps, then made his way down to the courtyard, before heading through the Great Hall, and up the stairs to her door.

Putting the key in the lock, he found the door already unlocked. Had she forgotten to lock it, or...and he wasn’t armed. He looked down, he did have Izzy though. Cullen put a finger to his lips as he looked at her, the signal to be stealthy. The two of them crept up the stairs, Cullen peering carefully over the half wall before proceeding. Kai looked asleep at her desk. He glanced around, assessing for danger before they headed into the room to check on her.

She was fast asleep, her head and arms on the desk, hair covering her face. He shook his head, smiling as he saw the report under her head. It was one of his. This time he’d bored the poor woman to sleep. He gently lifted her upper body off the desk, sitting her back in the chair. She didn’t rouse. He never got over how deeply she could sometimes sleep.

Pushing the hair off her face, he could see she’d drooled slightly. Maker, if anyone could see her now, the fearsome Inquisitor, comatose and drooling. Carefully wiping her mouth, he couldn’t help but gaze at her. He loved her so much, and he knew how much she loved him. And that was all that should really matter. He wasn’t the same man he was all those years ago, even though there were still some scars. The woman he knew now wasn’t a sheltered teenager; she had more than stood up to whatever was thrown at her.

As Kai did with him, he should accept it and not judge her. Back in the Winter Palace he promised her that they would find a way to be with each other, together, and he was determined to keep that promise. He just hoped that she would forgive him for being such an arse.

Cullen kissed Kai before picking her up and laying her on the bed, covering her with a blanket. Crouching next to the bed, gently stroking her forehead with his thumb, he whispered “I love you, Kai.”

Cullen then went back to her desk, and wrote her a note, apologising, and asking her to come see him before she left. Taking one last glance at Kai, he smiled, feeling glad he came, and headed back to his quarters with Izzy.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai wakes from a dream and finding Cullen's note, goes to see him.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW  
> .  
> .

“Arghhh!” Kai’s heart pounded as she sat bolt upright screaming, her skin crawling. Fucking spiders, why did have to be fucking spiders. She’d take dreaming about Corypheus and his sodding dragon over fucking spiders. Kai shook to try to dispel the sensation they were crawling on her. She breathed deeply, slowing her heart rate until it normalised. But her skin still tingled, feeling little paths being trodden over it. She shuddered, groaning.

Kai looked around, the candles were burning, but the fire had gone out, and it was cold...and she was in bed. How did she get here? She had no recollection of going to bed. Drunk, that would be understandable, but sober? So, not only did she have imaginary spiders crawling over her, her mind had gone too. This was not good; she had to get a grip on herself. Maker, she would be hearing voices next.

Taking another deep breath, she got out of bed, scratching her head. And she was thirsty. Kai stumbled over to her desk, pretending there was no pile of documents there awaiting her consideration as her hand reached for the bottle. She hesitated. Why was the little dragon statue resting on her desk? Oh no, she had in fact gone crazy, or she had a ghost that moved statues and put her to bed. The Inquisitor was either mad or haunted, neither of which boded well, or that she should admit to.

Sighing heavily she picked up the statue, seeing Cullen’s handwriting underneath. He had such neat penmanship, unlike her scrawl. It never used to be so poor, but months of writing reports, notes and what have you, led to speed over neatness. 

“You don’t live here, do you?” she announced to the statue and moved to place it back on her bookcase. 

Cullen’s reports. Always so basic, no flummery and...Kai stopped dead. And as far as she could recall, he didn’t use the word arse in them either. Still clutching the statue, she wandered back to her desk, and put it down to pick up the parchment.

====

_I’m sorry, I behaved like an arse. Please come and see me before you head out, even if it is just for a few minutes._

_I love you.  
Cullen_

=====

Kai read it again, just make certain she wasn’t seeing things. Or that she was still dreaming. She smiled, chewing lightly on her finger, and then started to grin. _Come and see me_ he wrote, well she didn’t need to be asked twice. And whatever time it was, he would see her. The nausea that lingered inside her since he stepped out of the Chantry room door now transformed into butterflies of excitement.

Kai grabbed her keys and shot downstairs, unlocking her door, and then raced all the way down to the Great Hall, through it and Solas’ rotunda and across the walkway, right up to the door of Cullen’s tower, where her forehead and the door connected with a thwack. His door was locked. Shit, and now her head hurt. Kai rubbed her forehead to mitigate the pain and noticed a smudge of blood on her fingers. Shit, and now she was bleeding too. 

Izzy was barking inside, doubtless from hearing some lunatic crash into Cullen’s door at Maker knows what hour of the morning.

“It’s only me, Izzy,” Kai assured her.

The barking changed pitch, a notification rather than a reaction. Kai hoped it was sufficient to wake Cullen because now she was shivering on the steps. Nights were below freezing in the mountains, and in her enthusiasm to reach him she neglected to don a tunic, and she was only wearing slippers. Kai banged on the door, adding to the noise level.

Cassandra often claimed Kai would be remembered for being hilarious. Idiotic was more likely when she was discovered frozen on the steps of the Commander’s tower. Even the blood slowly trickling from her forehead would freeze in these temperatures, she thought.

Finally the door was unlocked, and Cullen stood there, in just his breeches. Had she not been so cold, the sight before her may have prompted a quite different reaction, but all she felt was relief. He smiled, then rolled his eyes as he noticed her shivering, her teeth chattering, and dragged her inside, and into his arms.

“Why didn’t you put something on?” he asked, astonished she would turn up in such light clothing.

“I didn’t think, I just wanted to see you,” she explained, between the clicks of her teeth. “And this damn office is no warmer. Maker, how do you stay alive here.”

“Doubtless I’m a little hardier than the soft Inquisitor,” he quipped, rubbing her back in an attempt to warm her up.

“Hah!” she retorted unimaginatively. “Shut up, and just warm me up.” Kai’s arms were wrapped around his torso, head against his chest, desperate to draw any scrap of heat from him.

“In which particular order?” he challenged with mirth in his voice.

“Bloody obstreperous Fereldens,” she muttered under her breath, hearing Cullen laugh.

“Soft Marchers,” he shot back lightly.

The shivering began to abate, and she peered up at him, smiling. “Hello Cul...”

“Maker, you’re bleeding,” he exclaimed. “Not badly, but we should clean it up. Come here.”

Cullen took her to his desk, perching her on it. Kai watched him take out alcohol and a strip of bandage from the draw and then begin to clean the wound. She flinched and whined at the initial sting, receiving a somewhat stern glance from Cullen, a look that said, you’ve seen far worse, don’t be a child.

“You saw my note then,” he ventured after a few minutes.

“Yes, I...,” she replied looking down. Not easy as her head was inclined backwards to allow him access to the wound. “...I wasn’t sure whether you would want to...well, you sounded so upset yesterday.” Kai was hesitant to give voice to what she dreaded, not wishing to make it real. In her head, the notion was bad enough. 

“Look at me.” Cullen stopped, and cupped her cheeks in his palms, forcing her gaze onto his. “It was a shock, I admit. I never imagined you could think of that, but that doesn’t mean I would leave you because of it.”

He watched her keenly, his tone insistent when he spoke. “I just have one question and please answer me truthfully. Would you do it again?”

“No,” she answered firmly, seeing his face soften.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, his thumbs brushing her cheeks. “I couldn’t bear the prospect that you might,” he revealed.

She could sympathize with his apprehension. Having planned it once in a moment of despair, anyone on the outside might assume she could do it again in similar circumstances. Kai gave him a small smile, tracing her finger over his lips. “I’m not that girl anymore, Cullen. I also made a promise to a friend that I wouldn’t, but regardless of that, I wouldn’t do it again.”

Cullen smiled and then returned to cleaning her forehead. By not asking, she sensed he knew who that friend was. 

“It was Leliana,” she offered, seeing him nod.

“I thought it might be. The two of you have quite a bond,” he observed, darting a look before continuing.

Cullen was aware their friendship was long standing. Kai told him snippets about it, but never the story of how it began.

“We’ve had that bond from back then in Ostwick. Leliana arrived not long after the accident, when I was still recuperating. I hadn’t altogether dismissed the plan, part of me thought about trying again. Not only had I failed, but I was now ‘damaged goods’, not acceptable for another marriage.”

“Maker, Kai, you’re not a commodity!” he scolded, sighing heavily.

“No one says that, not in those words. But that’s what it boils down to, Cullen. Alliances, heirs and power. But I was longer ‘fit for purpose’, a loose end that needed tidying up. Papa even dropped hints about sending me to the Chantry; at least I could be useful there. This to the girl whose belief in the Maker had left her. Wonderful idea. Into that walks Leliana, with tales of their adventures and a diary from Aedan. It was literally like the sun shining after the rainstorm. I couldn’t have been lower and she couldn’t have showed up at a better moment. And even to this day I can’t explain why I told her. I didn’t actually know her, but something in me trusted her, over and above my family. I still do. “

Kai paused as Cullen finished and put the alcohol away. He sat next to her on the desk and took her hand, his thumb gently rubbing it. She leant against his shoulder, staring ahead as she spoke. 

“She made me promise never to try again, however bad it got. Not because it was wrong, but because ‘the light inside me was too bright to be extingushed’. Maker, how she saw any light was beyond me, I was the personification of despair and misery. A few days visit turned into a few months, and by the end I had a new career, new skills and a hopeful perspective. It was her that swayed my parents, she got Ama onside, and Ama persuaded Papa. I owe her my life and everything thereafter. It’s a debt that I can never truly repay.” 

She faced Cullen, seeing him deep in thought. After a few minutes he turned to her.

“This is the same Leliana? Well, that’s a view of her I haven’t seen. I’m aware she is less...unnerving...since your trip to Valance; even my messengers don’t seem so worried when I send them to see her. But the person you describe is almost...” he paused.

“Shhh, don’t tell anyone she’s a softy underneath. Both of us will suffer her displeasure if this is made public,” Kai warned, grinning.

He smiled more broadly. “Don’t worry; I have no intention of inviting her anger. But I do understand now why the two of you are so close.”

“We’ve spent more time apart than together, but it never seemed to matter. Every time we met, we picked up where we left off. In fact, these last months have seen us spend more time together than in all the preceding years, mission absences and time with you notwithstanding,” Kai told him, nudging his shoulder.

“Time with me you say. Well, she may have to give up a little more when this is over. I’d like to assume there is a lot more time with me,” he prompted, kissing her hand.

“Cullen Rutherford, you’d have to drag me off you,” she chuckled.

“Would I now?” he smiled.

“Yes, you would. And...I may have identified a solution to our problem. One that would allow me to stay. It’s not finalised, but I will press it for all it’s worth,” she vowed. “I don’t...”

“...give up,” he concluded, kissing her. “You absolutely don’t, do you? Maker, I’ve never known anyone as determined as you. So what is this solution?”

“My sister,” Kai announced jutting out her jaw emphatically, grinning.

“I thought she was married and living in Nevarra,” Cullen puzzled. “How can she help you?”

“She left her husband, and if I know her, will not be going back to him. Anton isn’t a bad man, he just can’t resist...well he’s had affairs before, but this time she caught him and is petitioning for annulment. Lyssa will be my replacement, so they won’t need me. True she needs to say yes, but I suspect she will be agreeable, in exchange for my support against Papa. I’ve written to her suggesting the position, and detailing how she could carry it out, and promised training. Before Anton, she was more like me, and providing she can rediscover herself and put aside the bitterness, I’m confident she will be good at it.” Kai smiled as she spoke, seeing the pleased look on Cullen’s face.

He reached out and caressed her cheek. “Second chance?” he questioned.

“Always, you know me. I like to give everyone a...” she started, but never got to finish as he pulled her face to his and kissed her again. Maker, there were days she could drown in his kiss, and this was one of them. In that moment she couldn’t have cared less about anything else, Inquisitor or not. 

However, that wasn’t reality and Kai was well aware of what needed to happen before they could be together, she wasn’t an impressionable young girl anymore. Neither would she rashly attempt to take her life if circumstances tore them apart. But she would fight like fury to prevent them being split up, against whoever it was, be it Corypheus or her family. 

As they broke the kiss, the imprint of his lips was still there before fading. Opening her eyes, she saw the smirk. Kai sighed and finished her sentence. “...second chance, like you gave me.” 

“I wasn’t aware this was a second chance,” he furrowed his eyebrows, with a slight puzzled smile. “Did I miss something?”

“No, my second chance, Cullen. But equal this time, and real,” she professed. “Not some adolescent flight of fancy.”

Cullen went to speak, but she pressed her finger to his lips, and shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. All that does...” she smiled cheekily, winking “...is that this ex-Templar ignites the fire inside me.”

As Cullen groaned wearily, Kai burst out laughing. The joke of the song was aimed at her, but it irritated him too.

“That damn song. I swear if that woman ever asks for...” he grumbled, frowning.

Kai coughed, clearing her throat, her hand raised to her mouth in a loose fist. She spoke as if she was reciting poetry. “My love for you blazes, hotter than the sun, brighter than the full moon on a cloudless night and...”

She saw Cullen watching her despairingly as if she had lost her mind, bemused would have been an understatement. Kai struggled not to giggle as she continued.

"...stronger than the mountains anchored to the earth beneath them,” she orated, ending with a flourish of her hand. 

“Now you’re spouting poetry at me?” he queried, eyebrow raised.

“I’ll have you know I just made that up, especially for you,” she sniffed.

Cullen laughed. “Did you really?” He leant forward and whispered in her ear. “It needs work.”

“Ingrate,” she huffed before grinning. 

He rose from the desk, pulling her off and to him. “I think you are a romantic. Why else would you be making up romantic declarations of love?” he taunted.

“I was merely showing how easy it can be to make overblown verse. That’s all,” she insisted. 

Kai saw the unconvinced look and realised this would come back to haunt her. “Cullen, it really was just...oh never mind.” 

He was grinning, shaking his head. “And you teased Cassandra for reading Swords and Shields. If I recall I caught you reading the same book.” He watched her knowingly.

“Your accusation is incorrect,” she refuted, prodding his chest with her finger. It felt rather nice as it always did. Kai was momentarily distracted until she refocused. “And _any_ further insistence will lead to a curtailing of _any_ igniting going on in your bed,” she asserted, turning her head aside. 

Kai didn’t bargain on the sneak attack, as Cullen nestled his head against the juncture of her neck and slowly, softly started to bite. Her hands gripped his arms as she moaned. He tugged her tighter to him and backed her against the desk.

“Oh I beg to differ,” he purred, his voice resounding against her chest. “I recall someone saying they were always obedient for me. And you mentioned nothing about the desk.”

“Cullen...” she breathed, her resolve crumbling fast, as the heat between her legs bloomed. 

“Yes?” he asked, a smirk in his voice. 

Her legs clenched, and she heard the low chuckle. Kai scrambled for something to say, and then it came to her. “Izzy...” she said.

Cullen stopped. “Ah.”

They both turned to see Izzy sitting there watching them. Kai could have sworn she was smiling. A normal dog may have not been aware, but Izzy was a mabari and not much slipped past her. She was definitely a thinker, and would have been a voyeur if they’d continued. Not a comfortable thought.

“Do you want to go and visit the night watch, Izzy?” he smiled.

Izzy cocked her head, barked twice before tapping her paw on the ground. Kai tried not to snigger. 

“Are you serious? You’re bargaining for a treat before you’ll go?” he demanded incredulously. 

Two short barks greeted him. She definitely knew exactly when to use what she’d learnt. Maker, Izzy was smart and sneaky. Cullen let go of Kai and retrieved some crunch from his draw, putting two pieces on the floor. Izzy looked down and then back up at him, cocking her head again.

“Maker’s breath! More?” he asked. Another two barks, and another tap.

Cullen put down two more pieces. This time she devoured the lot and then went to the door, waiting to be let out. Kai smiled as Cullen unlocked the door, muttering about having to haggle for privacy. Before Izzy left, she rubbed against Cullen’s leg and then trotted out. He closed and locked the door behind her, then looked back at Kai. 

The hiatus had allowed her composure to settle, and Kai couldn’t resist a poke. “Don’t I get a treat first?” she giggled, watching Cullen roll his eyes and groan, as he strode over to her.

“Andraste preserve me,” he exclaimed, sighing, arms folded. “What do you want?”

Kai smirked and licked her lips, seeing his eyes trail her movements. “Sweets,” she stipulated, cocking her head and rapping the desk. 

Kai watched as he got the box, and opened it, looking back at her with a smirk as he offered it to her. Dragging her eyes from his mouth, she glanced up. Cullen had that look in his eyes, the one that told her he was determined to prevail. By now, she knew it was just time before she relented, but stretching it out was fun.

“Like I do,” she requested teasingly.

“You’ll have to teach me,” he answered, placing the box on the desk and standing in front of her, one hand sliding onto her hip.

Kai took a sweet from the box. “You have to lay it onto your tongue, just shy of the tip. Then you press your mouth against mine and when I open mine, you slide your tongue in and drop it into my mouth,” she instructed slowly. “Try it.” 

Cullen raised his hand and Kai gave him the sweet. He put it in his mouth as instructed and pressed his mouth against hers. As she opened her mouth, and he slipped his tongue into hers, the sweet didn’t oblige with a smooth transfer. It remained stuck to Cullen’s tongue, and he pulled away. Kai snickered as he gave up and ate it instead.

“I can’t do the drop,” he complained as he finished chewing.

“Perhaps your mouth is too...hot. But I enjoyed the way you slid it in,” she replied coyly, taking out another sweet. He shook his head smiling. “Try again,” she said.

Cullen repeated the move, and this time the sweet dropped into her mouth. Maker, she hadn’t realised what it felt like to be on the receiving end as he did it. Her eyes were closed as she ate the sweet, humming, still feeling his tongue as he pushed it into her mouth. This time the action was firmer, the warmth in her building and she couldn’t help equating to how it felt when he...

“Judging by the moans, I suspect that one worked,” he murmured in her ear.

Kai opened her eyes. “That was...” She took a deep breath and exhaled. “...really nice.”

“Nice?” he questioned, watching her, eyebrow raised. “Just nice?” His hand gilded around, resting on her buttock.

“I need another, just to be sure,” she suggested, winking. The way he did it was different, but like most things he did well, he did really well. 

“I’m sure you do,” he smirked. “But I prefer it when you do it.”

Kai laughed. “I can understand why now,” she answered. Maker, the warmth was still there as she gazed at him. She sighed, and Cullen smiled.

“I know what you’re doing, and normally I’d let you. But we only have a short time before you have to leave, and I would like to do more than eat sweets,” he said invitingly.

Kai looked at him smiling. “Would you now,” she remarked, laying her hand on his chest.

“Very much so,” he confirmed confidently, taking hold of her hand resting on his chest. “But I will allow you to choose, desk or bed?”

Kai’s eyes opened wide, and she couldn’t help but giggle a little. “So forceful, where did the shy one go?”

“He gave up waiting. So?” Cullen insisted, almost an order.

“Bed, then. It’ll be warmer. Desk...hmm...another time?” she suggested, flicking a glance at his desk and smiling.

Cullen smirked. “Another time then,” he affirmed, and then paused, thinking. “Damn, that’ll be in my head now,” he added, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Kai laughed loudly. “There you’ll be, issuing orders, writing your reports, and in your head will be the thought of hauling me onto your desk, stripped naked and...”

“Kai, if you don’t shut up, that is going to happen right now, I swear,” he warned her, his breathing a little heavier.

She stared into his dark eyes and it seemed he wasn’t joking. Was this a new thing or had he thought about this before? The strength of his reaction made her wonder if he had harboured a fantasy about taking her on his desk. Cullen was still full of surprises, she thought. Finding out was too irresistible to forgo. Bed and warmth could wait if he was in this mood.

Kai licked her lips and smiled, moving her face close to his, “...and willing,” she toned seductively.

Cullen captured her mouth in a fierce and deep kiss, his hands moving to her sides undoing the laces on her leggings. As much as she liked him gentle, she liked this side of him too. He tugged her leggings and smalls down over her hips, allowing him to slide his hand between her legs. She moaned, the sound lost in their kiss. He broke away and whispered huskily in her ear.

“Bed or desk?”

“Desk, and now,” she breathed back. 

“So...easily,” he chuckled.

She pulled back and looked at him. Cullen was smirking smugly at her, his eyes shining. Kai narrowed her eyes at him. “You manoeuvred me...”

“Encouraged,” he corrected, sliding his fingers into her.

Her eyes closed as a shudder passed over her, forcing out another moan. Manoeuvred, encouraged, it didn’t matter now. She opened her eyes and drew her tongue along his jaw line from his chin to his ear, hearing a groan in response. “So...encourage me some more,” she urged, murmuring in his ear.

She pushed him back, and he withdrew his hand, looking momentarily confused. As she flipped off her slippers and shimmied out of her leggings and smalls, the smirk came back, making her sigh. All the time he was watching her. Taking off her shirt, she was now naked in front of him, his eyes roaming over her body. It was her turn to smirk.

“I’m all yours,” she offered.

He came to her, sweeping the reports off his desk, before turning her around and pulling her back against his chest. “Oh that way,” she snickered, hearing the groan.

“I wasn’t chattering,” she pointed out. “I was just...oh...”

One of his hands was now caressing her breast and the other between her legs, his fingers moving inside her; his mouth on her neck, his teeth nipping her skin gently. 

“Quiet at last,” he sighed, his breath flowing over her.

Her mirth was replaced by needy moans, and she leant back, her limbs weakening as the heat and arousal built within her body. The feeling of his skin on hers, her back against his chest heightened it somehow. There was only one thing she wanted now, him inside her. 

“Cullen, please," she pleaded.

“Too soon,” he breathed against her neck, and kissed his way to her ear. His fingers moved higher, circling and stroking her.

She pressed herself firmly onto his erection, drawing out a grunt as she wriggled against him, then sliding her hand between them, stroking him through his breeches. He stubbornly refused to give way, and she knew why. He wanted her to come first, evidently worried that he might and she wouldn’t. But that wasn’t a concern, it didn’t matter to her, all she wanted was for them to be part of each other. With him, it was always more than just sex, and what she needed now. 

“Fuck me,” she begged.

The message evidently hit home. He let go, and pushed her down onto the desk, parting her legs as he undid his breeches, before pushing deep inside, drawing out a loud gasp from her.

“Maker,” he groaned.

He placed his hands on the desk to steady himself before driving into her over and over again. His breath hot and heavy, rolling across her back as he panted and groaned. Hers ragged, slightly constricted as she was sprawled across his desk, her hips hanging over the side, trying to grind back against him. It wasn’t comfortable and more than a little messy. Perhaps an interesting idea, but she made a mental note to think this through if they did it again.

She refocused her mind, concentrating solely on him and what he was making her feel. Insanely aroused, but loved and protected too. He would never leave her, and when he said they would be together, he meant it. The tension began to tighten and twist inside as she came close, and thoughts of being with him, waking next to him every morning merged with the desire in her body. 

A fantasy played in her head now. He would always love her, take care of her, they could have...the pace of his strokes grew faster, and she knew he was close. Then there was the telltale feeling as he swelled inside her, this time coming first, and it wasn’t until his last push that she followed, coming hard on him, leaving him groaning and her gasping. 

Cullen was bent over her, panting. “What were you saying?”

“Was I talking? I didn’t realise. Probably just rambling,” she apologised, having no idea she was actually voicing her thoughts.

He kissed her shoulder. Kai raised herself onto her elbows and looked back, smiling at the gesture, so he kissed her cheek as well. Her smile broadened.

“Could I suggest somewhere more comfortable,” he offered, still breathless.

“Now you want the bed,” she laughed, shaking her head. 

“Yes, well. Let’s just say the concept didn’t take into account practicalities,” he admitted, pulling away.

Kai pushed herself up off the desk. “My my, Commander. Do I detect lack of planning?” she teased, facing him.

Cullen loosely tied his breeches before taking her hand, drawing her to him. “Planning can’t cover every eventuality. Sometimes, you just have to improvise,” he replied, smiling.

She raised an eyebrow. “You know that could have come out of my mouth,” she remarked. “And you used to groan at me for making it up as I went along, by the way.” She tapped his chest gently to emphasise her point.

“That I did. But I can’t deny you get results. And I would be remiss not to consider other methods, should they prove useful,” he grinned. “I’m sure you don’t keep me around just to look good.” 

The laugh burst out almost a snort. “Did you just...I can’t believe you...Maker’s breath!”

He winked at her. “So...easily,” he smirked. “No answer this time?”

Kai shook her head and waved her hand in defeat.

“So, upstairs then?” he asked, and she nodded in reply.

Kai grabbed her clothes, and both of them headed up the ladder to his loft. She dived into bed first, followed by Cullen after he undressed. As always she snuggled into his embrace, resting her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She waited for his breathing to settle into a pattern, and looked up see his eyes closed.

Only now did she allow herself to think about it again. Cullen would have made a great father, and she wanted to give him a child, and to feel their child growing inside her. For years she’d accepted her situation and had a life doing something she enjoyed. Even at the start of their relationship, she had to ensure he accepted it and wouldn’t regret being with her. 

Now she was the one with regret. But this time there was no second chances. Her face was wet and Kai realised she was crying. Quickly wiping the tears before they fell onto Cullen, she sniffed back the rest.

“Are you going to distract me again or tell me?” he asked. His voice was resolute, but soft.

Kai jerked hearing him. “Shit, don’t make me jump! I thought you were asleep,” she answered, avoiding his gaze. 

“Well?” he insisted.

“I’m being stupid, just ignore me,” she replied dismissively.

Cullen sat up, pushing her up with him, and took hold of her shoulders making her face him. “No,” he declared. 

Again with that determined look. There was no backing away from him in that mood.

She sighed heavily, wiping away the last of her tears. “I want to give you children, and of course I can’t. Not anymore. But for the first time in years I wish I could, Cullen.”

“Is it because I know what happened?” he inquired, stroking her shoulder. The feel of his hand was soothing on her skin.

“Probably, maybe...I don’t know,” she said, her shoulders slumping. She had no idea why now. 

“You know it doesn’t matter to me. I love you and want to be with you, always,” he said softly.

“I know, and it’s the same for me, and I’ll fight for that. I just wish...I could give you more,” she smiled weakly. 

“You gave me Izzy, she’s priceless.” Cullen smiled at her. “When I joined the Inquisition, it was a way to atone for my past, to do better. The two of you give me hope for the future, something to look ahead to when this is all over.” He pulled her to him, kissing her head. “We can’t change what is, but we can make the best of what we have.”

It didn’t take away the wistfulness completely, but he knew how to make her feel better. Kai looked at him and the smile was stronger this time. “You are...” she stalled, sighing, seeking the right word, but nothing seemed to describe what she felt for him right then.

“...good at making you speechless, evidently,” he offered.

That made her laugh. He was right and probably the only who was. “And making me laugh,” she responded, tracing his scar. 

“And tired,” he joked. “After I came to make sure you got some sleep, I’m the one keeping you up half the night.”

“Did you put me to bed?” she questioned.

“I did, you were comatose and drooling, I’ll have you know.” He traced her lips. “Sitting at your desk, head on my report. Anyone would think I’d bored you,” he quipped.

“Never you Cullen, but your reports are somewhat... basic,” she suggested, seeing a slight frown now.

“Maker’s breath. They’re not meant to be novels you do realise. And no, I won’t spice them up,” he stated.

“It was just a...”

“No,” he interrupted. 

“Alright,” she conceded wearily. Then she remembered. “Mind you, if you hadn’t put the dragon statue on your note, I might not have seen it.”

Cullen stared at her. “I didn’t put anything on the note. I just left it on your desk.”

Kai’s mouth opened and closed. “If it wasn’t you...then...never mind...” She scratched her head. Maybe it was better to just let this one go. She smiled at him. “We have a little longer before I have to get ready.”

“Come here,” he said, lying back down and raising his arm. 

For the second time she snuggled into his arms. Always safe, she thought.

“Why don’t you...make up some more verse for me?” he requested, a smile in his voice.

“Cullen!” she tutted. He was never going to let this one go.

“I’m serious, do it for me. Something to have while you’re away,” he proposed. “I may even commit it to memory.”

Kai thought for a few moments and then smiled. “Are you ready?” she asked hearing him agree.

She cleared her throat.

_“Commander Cullen, with his most magnificent chest,_  
_‘Tis surely a wonder to behold._  
_Many a maiden would desire her head there to rest,_  
_Ensuring his bed be never cold.”_

“What in the Maker’s name...” he spluttered. “I’m not memorising that! It’s bloody ridiculous. Why would you...?” He groaned frustratedly.

Kai was in hysterics listening to his protestations. Tears were running down her face from laughter this time. She could barely speak. “You didn’t...specify...the subject...matter,” she eventually said.

“I didn’t expect nonsense,” he huffed, groaning again.

“Oh Cullen, I’m sorry,” she laughed, looking up at him and seeing the stern face start to soften and then a grin break out. “I shouldn’t laugh, but you’re funny when you grump sometimes.”

He shook his head, now joining in the laughter. “And you have the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard. That’s my Katarina.” 

Kai narrowed her eyes. “Cullen!” She tried to sound irritated, but it came out wrong, more like a bizarre gurgle as the laughter persisted.

Eventually both of them managed to stop laughing, gulping breaths to settle themselves.

“So tell me, what prompted that...particular...” 

“Drivel?” she finished.

“Quite,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh just rumours about a certain Commander going shirtless one training session. A session in which I was not present to witness, but that became the gossip amongst the women of Haven.”

Kai watched his face, as she traced her finger over his chest.

“Oh...that,” he coughed.

“Yes, the one time you decided to do that, and I missed it. Damn, I was gutted, I was so...” Kai paused seeing the smirk appear. “What?”

“Curious?” he inquired.

“Maker, of course I was. I’m not blind,” she retorted.

“More than curious?” he questioned.

“Yes...” she sighed. “If you’re asking if I wanted to sleep with you, then yes. If you want to know if I would have, then no.”

Cullen looked puzzled at first, and then he understood. “Because you knew more than you said,” he stated and she nodded.

“And I irritated you,” she added.

“There was that,” he agreed. “Only initially though.”

Kai paused and thought. She shuffled up, now facing him and staring into his eyes. “So, if I had waltzed into your tent one night, say, after that point when I irritated you. And if I had offered to keep your bed warm,” she heard the groan and smiled. “What _would_ you have said?”

“Honestly, I suspect I might have been tempted. But I glad you didn’t. I preferred doing it the long way around,” he grinned.

“I agree,” she grinned back. “That way you couldn’t complain about not knowing what you were getting,” she teased.

“This is true. But...” he flipped her over, onto her back, reversing their positions, “...offer me again, and the answer may change,” he smirked.

“Commander, would you like me to warm your bed for you?” she mock simpered, with a hint of fluttered eyelashes.

He groaned, but then asked. “Is that a standing offer, Inquisitor?”

“For you always,” she replied, smiling.

“In that case...I accept your offer to warm my bed for me,” he said, kissing her.

Maker, there were days she could drown in his kiss, she thought, as she threaded her fingers into his hair.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Kai and her team battle to shut down Red Templar operations in Emprise de Lion, a request arrives asking to use Skyhold as a venue for peace treaty talks. Cullen receives help with the plan to keep Kai and him together.  
> .  
> .

“You can’t kill us all,” cried the Red Templar before Bull cleaved the last breath from him with his heavy axe.

“Wanna bet?” growled Bull as the man collapsed to the ground.

“Maker, how long have they been producing the stuff here?” questioned Dorian, glancing around.

Emprise de Lion was infested with red lyrium, growing there as liberally as the bushes and trees, melting the surrounding snow. The place was frozen solid, ice and snow blanketing everything, even the river was frozen fast. All except where the red lyrium grew like spikes of crystallised blood erupting from the ground, and the hum it gave off was louder with so much of it. An unnerving hum, Kai thought as they climbed on seeking to dodge it as best they could.

The Red Templars were entrenched here, and considering their discussion with Mistress Poulin, had been for some time. They should have come here earlier; she should have taken note of Mother Giselle when she mentioned rumours of people disappearing. Now they understood why. The information they recovered in the Emerald Graves and relayed back to Cullen led them here, and to the quarry, the major source of red lyrium for Samson and his forces. 

They eventually reached the Tower of Bone, encountering an even larger encampment to battle through. The directions Harding provided suggested the quarry shouldn’t be too far ahead now. But the ground was rocky and mountainous, and they left behind their horses at the original camp. This mission had to be carried out on foot, making the constant skirmishes and clambering up the mountains tiring. They needed to rest before proceeding.

Weeks they’d been away now. It was supposed to be a trip to the Emerald Graves after their detour to Val Royeaux. But what they discovered convinced Kai this matter needed to be dealt with and fast. Leliana sent Harding ahead, and the four of them met up with her in Emprise. Even though they were fatigued and should have undoubtedly gone back to Skyhold, what they found showed it was crucial to handle this issue first. 

“Maker have mercy!” Cassandra gasped.

Cassandra was not easily disturbed, so Kai wandered over to her. She was peering into a cage of red lyrium. Kai looked in, at first not realising what she was seeing, until the shape of a person within the red lyrium revealed itself. 

“Maker’s breath!” she exclaimed. Damn, she had to stop saying that, she thought. “Are they...growing it from the people here?”

Kai remembered Fiona back in future Redcliffe, red lyrium growing from her. This was manifestly what was happening here. They weren’t just mining it from the ground, but transforming people for the process. 

“Just when you assumed it couldn’t become any worse,” Dorian sighed, coming over with Bull and peering in, “they discover an even lower standard to descend to.”

Kai turned to him. “We should have guessed, we saw this before, Dorian,” she responded, watching him nod. “Damn, we have to quit playing catch up with Corypheus. However many times we knock him back, he’s one step ahead still. We can’t continue like this.” Kai angrily kicked a stone away in frustration.

“Not saying you’re not right Boss,” Bull added, settling his hand on her shoulder, “but we need to weaken his forces too. Destroying this mine will do that. Cullen’s right, deny them their supplies, and that’s a significant setback for him. The Red Templars are the mainstay of his army, weaken that and it gives us a fighting chance. The Venatori numbers are nowhere near as great.” 

“You’re right,” she conceded. And so was Cullen. She was reacting to her own disgust, they were considering overall strategy. Bull patted her shoulder before letting go.

“The Inquisitor is correct, Bull,” Cassandra answered, pensive now. “And the Lord Seeker allowed this to take place with his insane scheme to end the world. He had a hand in this atrocity. Maker forgive him because I never will.” 

Kai put aside her frustration and turned to Cassandra, her voice quieter and calmer. “And that’s why you need to make the Seekers better than they were, remember?”

There was a sliver of a smile as she replied. “No more secrets, a fresh start.”

“Absolutely. I suspect there will yet be a need for your Order, perhaps in a different role. Until this is all over, we won’t know what,” Kai said reassuringly. “And they warrant...”

“A second chance,” Dorian interjected. “Maker, it’s practically a mantra with you, isn’t it?” He rolled his eyes.

“I can think of worse ideas to live your life by,” Kai pointed out, arching an eyebrow.

“That’s true,” he acknowledged, shrugging. “Such as, let’s follow an ancient darkspawn magister and drag the world into the abyss. Morons.”

What took place with the Seekers preyed on Cassandra’s mind. Not just that Lucius had attempted to eradicate them after throwing in with the Promisers, but that the gap had allowed Corypheus to skilfully subvert the Templars, corrupting hundreds and in turn causing suffering to thousands of innocents. But Kai was just as culpable for the fate of the Templars; she had chosen the mages over them. Not all had been lost, some chose to leave and side with the Inquisition, a decision that had saved them. But the majority were horribly lost, some not even human anymore.

At least Max wasn’t one of them. Her brother didn’t reach the Conclave, dying when the Ostwick Circle fell, the only disturbance in such a sedate place. Staying behind when most of his brethren left, he was slain trying to defend the First Enchanter from a group of apprentices. Numbers and blood magic overwhelmed them both. She should have been resentful, but by the time of the Conclave, there had been so much violence and bloodshed, neither side’s hands were clean. And if there one thing Kai understood it was that resentment and bitterness did nothing but destroy oneself.

The noise of carts interrupted her reflections. Inquisition soldiers had followed on as they cleared the path ahead. These were from the Logistics Corps with their escort, come to set up camp for them. The main group of soldiers were expected to arrive shortly from Skyhold, to take over and secure the area. In the meantime, it was up to the four of them to do what they could. 

Kai marvelled at how practiced they were at their task. A testament to Cullen, and his organisation of the army. It was hardly any time before the Templar camp was cleared and the Inquisition one set up, the banner flying prominently. The smell of stew cooking wafted into their noses. Until she became more of a fighter, Kai never rightly appreciated how morale boosting a decent meal was to soldiers, regardless of keeping up their energy. 

Kai made certain both Keeps they captured had a good cook, and Cullen was satisfied because his soldiers were content. Even Leliana’s agents had commented on it when they were assigned to one of the bases, and this made Kai happy. All their people were volunteers, and why shouldn’t they expect to be treated properly, even if it was such a little thing.

Once dinner was ready, they all sat to eat, tired smiles crossing their faces. Even in this nightmare forest of red lyrium, small pleasures made a difference.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Another request from the Imperial Army, this time for aid with demons on the road between Val Foret and Montsimmard. Cullen went to locate Captain Tamsin, to organise a company to provide assistance. There were reports of Red Templars around Val Foret, and Cullen thought perhaps they could pick up some help flushing them out in return.

The Inquisitor’s directions on the initial request were simple, give them what they require at your discretion and I trust you to handle any subsequent requests. In other words, you don’t need to ask again. It was quicker than chasing her down for every appeal for support that came through while she was away. She had provided identical direction to Leliana and Josephine as well. Useful, as she had been away for some time now. Also a testament to how much faith she put in all of them. Trust and practicality, he thought smiling. He shouldn’t have been surprised at the latter; at the very beginning she had been sensible, even if she took nothing seriously.

As Cullen headed down the stairs from the battlements, he saw Blackwall heading into the kitchens. Mid morning, they were empty, so why was he going there? And this was the third time Cullen had observed him go there in the last couple of weeks. He still had scant regard for the man after what he had done, but she’d given him a second chance, allowing him to remain until they defeated Corypheus. Always with the second chances, he thought.

He shook his head and continued on.

+++++

Cullen headed back to his office, to pick up a small package that arrived that morning. Kai was working on her own solution to ensure they remained together. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t pursue alternative avenues himself. He had just the woman in mind to help with information, and the package he had would be ideal bribery, he hoped. 

Back in Denerim, he had persuaded Kai to offer up information. He chuckled to himself, all it took was the appropriate prompt, and he knew precisely what the appropriate prompt with her was. Not that he could gloat about it, he was just as responsive to her persuasion. And that was one of the features he enjoyed about their relationship, neither of them played games with each other, apart from games that were fun. There was no posturing, no pretending to be people they weren’t. Although he was dismayed at first by her revelation, recognising she would never try again, it somehow solidified things between them. Kai was likewise relieved that he finally knew, and she could put it behind her.

Making his way to the Ambassador’s office, on arrival he noticed something strange, she wasn’t there. Cullen waited for some minutes, but there was still no sign of her. He decided to return later. As he stepped through the inner door, they walked slap bang into each other, both apologising. It was only then he realised she was blushing and looked a little nervous. Josephine glanced down the stairs to the storage area before recovering her composure. Cullen heard a cough at the bottom of the stairs, and looked down, catching a head bob back hurriedly.

“Ah Commander, were you searching for me?” she smiled, taking his arm and steering him into her office.

“I was,” he acknowledged, realising he was being diverted now. “I have...a favour to request,” he began, forcing his attention back to the purpose of his visit. Cullen placed the package on her desk, seeing Josephine’s eyes become large as her hand darted out to check the little seal.

“These are...?” she demanded eagerly.

“Yes,” he smiled. Thank you Kai, he thought. 

She hesitated and scrutinised him thoughtfully. “How large is this favour?” she inquired suspiciously.

“Not large, just information and perhaps some advice,” he reassured her. 

It was at this point he realised how being with Kai had rubbed off on him. Sometimes a more subtle approach worked better, or in this situation with incentives. Plus he knew Josephine was a romantic, and that would play in his favour too. 

“I need to know about the Trevelyans, specifically her father, and any suggestion as to what might persuade him to let her continue with the Inquisition...and in effect stay with me,” he requested. 

Cullen surprised himself as to how readily that request came out. Previously, he likely would not have considered approaching Josephine, let alone bribing her with cakes from Madame Lucien’s. And now here he was. But Kai was convinced he had a sneaky side, maybe it was just a little unused before. 

Josephine beamed. “I’m positive I can aid you in some modest fashion,” she replied encouragingly. “The two of you belong together. And plainly,” she added, glancing at the box, “you are both learning from each other.” 

That was clearly evident to anyone that knew either of them well. She brushed her hand absentmindedly on the package.

“There’s ample for two, should you wish to discuss...” he suggested, observing the surprise on her face.

He was aware of the friendship between her and Leliana, and no doubt his request would reach her ears soon enough. “All I would ask, is that for the moment, this remains between us. A reserve plan, so to speak, should we need to employ it,” he continued.

“Of course, Cullen. I quite understand. And thank you,” she smiled.

Cullen nodded and left her office, glancing down the stairs as he passed. He was doubtless long gone by now. But Cullen knew who he saw at the bottom of the stairs. Were they? Maker’s breath, he was the last person he would have imagined with Josephine. But maybe saving someone’s life changes your attitude. Even though Josephine was shadowed by his soldiers, it was Blackwall who saved her life when the House of Repose attempted to assassinate her. He shook his head, that was her personal affair, whatever he thought of the man. 

Cullen knew he would give short shrift to anyone interfering between him and Kai. It was now his morning break, and he headed off to fetch Izzy for a walk. Afterwards, he would reply to Kai once he’d read her letter, yet again. And tell her that perhaps she should be more prudent about what she wrote. Much as he enjoyed reading what she imagined doing to him on her return, he was a little worried he might not be the only one who saw it. Or at least remind her to mark the letter for his eyes only, he thought, smirking to himself. 

\---------------------------------------------------------

According to the villagers they released, there should be one further group left to rescue from the quarry. The whole place was a maze of workings and they’d inadvertently backtracked on themselves once already. Bull was right; all the cuttings between the workings were perfect places for an ambush. It seemed that the Red Templars either didn’t think the same way, or were too engaged in securing their areas of the quarry. Probably the latter, considering what they’d discovered so far, two messages from Samson himself, one evidently aware they were coming. 

Part way down a tunnel, they could hear commotion on the far end. Glancing at each other, they halted.

“I’ll check out how many, wait here,” Kai instructed stealthing.

She stepped quietly to the end of the tunnel and scanned swiftly around. A quick glance wouldn’t expose her position, but if someone looked for long enough they would see the slight shimmer as the light bent around her. Kai counted seven, including a behemoth. Shit. Out in the open they could evade the spikes behemoths pushed up, but in this confined area, it could prove tricky. She moved out of sight and checked how many bee grenades there were remaining, only two. 

Kai crept back to her companions and unstealthed. It invariably made Dorian flinch slightly when she reappeared close by.

“Next time, a little warning please. I’m certain you do this deliberately,” he grumbled as she chuckled. “Don’t laugh, I’ll get you back for this,” he cautioned. Bull sniggered, and Dorian frowned at him. “And you can shut up. I know precisely how to get you back.”

Bull straightened his expression, but winked at Kai when Dorian turned aside. “My apologies, Kadan,” he whispered.

“Could we, perhaps, return to the task in hand?” inquired Cassandra, sounding sterner than she looked, a small smile playing across her face.

“Thank you, Cassandra. Maybe you can keep the children under control,” Dorian sighed.

Kai kissed Dorian on the cheek. “You know we love you really,” she grinned.

“Shut up,” Dorian replied, turning his nose up and trying not to smile. “I haven’t finished sulking yet.”

Cassandra snorted. “I should slap the lot of you.”

A chorus of ‘sorry Cassandra’ and one ‘sorry Seeker’ came in response.

“And?” Cassandra demanded.

“Two guards, three foot soldiers, one marksman and...a behemoth,” Kai reported, hearing the groan as she recounted the last one. “I have two bee grenades left. Dorian, you’ve still got those fire grenades, give them to me. I have a plan.”

Dorian fished them out of his side pack and gave them to her, there were three. 

“I’ll stealth and hurl the fire grenades at them, should take their defences down enough, and grab the marksman while I’m there. The other five will hopefully come for me, but the behemoth won’t fit in the tunnel. We draw them a safe distance and take them down. Then, I’ll use the bee grenades on the behemoth while Dorian freezes him. They do freeze so wonderfully. And we just hack away until he goes down.” Kai looked expectantly at her companions. “Well?”

“Bait again, Boss?” Bull inquired.

“Considered bait, Bull,” Kai answered. “Remember what we heard, ‘the Elder One’s blessings on he who slaughters the Herald’. Hopefully I’m too tempting a target for them. They may just forget their orders and pursue the prize.”

“Inquisitor, this is risky, but...trying to handle the behemoth and six others in a confined area would be worse. I say yes,” Cassandra agreed cautiously.

Kai stared at Dorian and Bull. 

Dorian nodded, “Agreed.”

“Agreed. Just get behind us when you draw them down,” Bull insisted.

“Oh don’t worry; I’ll hop over both of you if I have to. Actually I can’t do that anymore, I’ll scoot under your legs if need be,” she declared, seeing the frowns now. Kai coughed. “I’ll...just get on with it then.”

Kai stealthed and moved forward carefully. When she exited the tunnel she threw the three fire grenades in rapid succession, trying to disperse them as best she could. That worked beautifully as the flames enveloped them. She took out the marksman easily and unstealthed allowing herself to be identified. As anticipated, they charged, and Kai turned and rushed back up the tunnel. 

It was at that stage a hitch developed in her plan, or more precisely a hitch in her step as she tripped over while glancing backward. A foot soldier was practically on her by the time she got herself up, the tip of his blade slashing through the armour on her right shoulder when he reached forward for her. Luckily, as she moved away Dorian laid down fire glyphs behind her, slowing them, and taking out two foot soldiers out with a fire wall he followed on with. That left two guards and a foot soldier. Kai sped on, diving behind her front line. As the fires burnt away, Bull and Cassandra ran forward taking on the guards as Dorian iced the foot soldier, allowing Kai to get a shot off that passed straight through his eye.

Finally her front line took down theirs, and there was just the behemoth left. She realised she was bleeding, but they had to finish it off, her wounds could be tended later. The four of them followed the tunnel down, hearing the rumble, and suddenly feeling the ground shudder as it slammed down its red lyrium club. The spikes barely missed them. 

“Now, we have to do it now!” she yelled grabbing Dorian. 

They rushed out and Dorian iced the behemoth bringing it to standstill while Kai threw both bee grenades. Bull and Cassandra followed on running up, and began to hack away at it, while Kai and Dorian shot out arrows and ice, respectively. It took a good few minutes before it was permanently down, all of them breathless now. 

The villagers were clamouring to be freed and Kai opened the lock on the cage, releasing them. The adrenaline rush abating, her shoulder started to ache. They needed to investigate this working for information now. 

“Let’s search around,” she directed.

Kai felt a hand on her shoulder. “Boss, you’re losing blood. It’s not serious, but I suggest we make this quick and get you back to camp,” Bull warned.

Kai nodded. “OK, let’s make it quick then.” She removed her glove and placed her palm over her shoulder to check. It was wet. Evidently the blood was starting to seep through her armour. She took off her scarf and packed it down, to curb the flow a little more.

In the end they discovered two letters, one from Samson and one from Fornier. Both were disturbing. The one from Fornier indicated the villagers were seized with the knowledge of Mistress Poulin in exchange for food. But the message from Samson talked of red lyrium armour that heightened his strength and stamina a massive amount. Kai sighed. Dealing with Samson’s armour could present a complication.

“We need to inform Cullen,” Cassandra said concerned. 

“He needs to find a means of dealing with that armour before we run into this guy,” Bull added.

Having discovered all they could the four of them headed back to camp. The notes had to be sent to Cullen, so he could make a start on the problem of Samson’s armour. Then there was just one further issue to handle before they could return to Skyhold.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Cullen was training when one of Leliana’s messengers found him. Calling a halt to the session, he wiped his face and hands before picking up the note.

_We need to hold a War Council meeting re Inquisitor’s correspondence – one hour_

“Fine, inform her I’ll be there,” he confirmed, watching as the young man nodded and left.

Leliana was in charge of the Inquisitor’s incoming letters while she was away. Evidently whatever this was, it wasn’t routine and couldn’t wait for her return. That did not bode well as presently they had little clue on precisely when she was expected back. Cullen decided to cease training for now and dismissed his men. A trip to the washrooms and then a quick check on what he had waiting back in his office he thought. Then he would find out what the urgency was.

++++++

As Cullen pushed wide the door to the War Room, Leliana and Josephine were already there.

“So, what’s turned up that can’t wait for the Inquisitor’s arrival?” Cullen asked, seeing the two of them flash glances at each other.

It was Josephine who spoke. “Letters from both the Empress and King Alistair. Celene wishes to negotiate a formal peace treaty between Orlais and Ferelden, and obviously Alistair is agreeable to this. This would be quite an accomplishment if it could be worked out. However, both sides prefer to meet on neutral ground for the discussions. And as we have assisted both, they would like to hold them here, in Skyhold, under the protection of the Inquisition.”

Cullen’s eyes opened wide. “Maker’s breath! Both here, at the same time?” he inquired, his mind running through the probable complications of ensuring their security.

“Yes,” Leliana replied with an acknowledgment. “I understand you would be worried about the implications for their safety. I have my own concerns too, but...”

“We can’t really refuse,” Josephine insisted. “The degree of faith they are showing in us by seeking to hold the talks here, it’s unprecedented. We must agree. Leliana has sent a message to the Inquisitor, but they expect an answer promptly, as both sides require time to prepare. If she is away from camp, it may take too long for her to send a response to us. But I’m confident she would be willing to host the negotiations here if it meant an enduring peace treaty between the two nations.”

Cullen exhaled deeply. “I’m certain she would. But how extensive a retinue would they be bringing with them?” he quizzed. The prospect of monitoring and protecting the safety of too many individuals would place a brake on further outside operations. “If they bring too many people that could create complications.”

“I’m positive we could persuade them to bring sufficient for their personal security and hopefully a smaller number of courtiers,” Josephine offered.

“Alistair could be readily persuaded, it’s Celene you would have to negotiate with, Josie,” Leliana pointed out.

“Yes, thank you Leliana,” she sighed. “I’m quite mindful of that.” 

“Not to mention, have we adequate capacity remaining to accommodate them?” Cullen knew Skyhold was filling up more each day.

“There may need to be a few...changes in accommodation to provide the better rooms. Temporary of course.” Josephine’s optimism was holding. 

Leliana smiled lightly, hands behind her back, an impish tone as she spoke. “Josie has to inform the Inquisitor she’ll need to relinquish her room to Celene. She does have the finest accommodation in Skyhold, and the Empress would expect the finest.”

“Leliana, shush, that’s not definite. I hope to identify another solution. But it may come to that. Maker I hope she doesn’t refuse,” Josephine said anxiously. 

“Ambassador, I hardly think she would. She spends more than half her time living in tents,” Cullen replied smiling.

“Yes, and most of the rest of the time _not_ in her own quarters,” Leliana implied, lifting an eyebrow. 

Cullen coughed, his hand reaching for the back of his neck. “Yes, quite. If she wishes to, I would be happy to accommodate...” he groaned hearing the two of them giggle now. 

“We hoped you might be willing to accommodate...” Leliana began, smirking.

“Alright, let’s take that as agreed,” he interrupted, sighing. It would simply get worse if he let this continue.

“Excellent, thank you Commander,” Josephine beamed.

He looked back at Leliana. “I assume you will be investigating everyone attending?” he queried.

“Of course. Josie will let us both have details of those arriving,” Leliana confirmed, glancing at Josephine.

“As soon as I know I promise to pass the names on.” She sighed. “I suspect the Ferelden list will be with you much earlier than the one from Orlais.”

“If we are agreeing to this on her behalf, you should notify the Inquisitor quickly, so she can come back. I presume they require her to be here?” Cullen questioned.

“Indeed, her presence would be absolutely critical,” Josephine confirmed. “Leliana, would you?”

“Of course. I’m sure you’re right Josie, she will agree. But I can tell you precisely what else she’ll answer,” she smiled.

“Don’t change my castle to accommodate other tastes,” Cullen smiled back.

“Indeed,” Leliana nodded knowingly.

He could just visualise Kai personally pulling down any Orlesian fripperies as she called them. She was a proud Marcher and Skyhold was decorated in a Marcher style. 

“Perhaps she wouldn’t mind just a few...” Josephine began.

“No,” replied Cullen and Leliana together.

“Oh, very well,” Josephine relented a little unwillingly. 

“So if that’s decided now, was there anything else?” He peered at them both, seeing another set of glances between them now. “What?”

“Your talk with Josie. There’s been...a bit of a hiccup for the Inquisitor. She doesn’t know it yet obviously. But Josie and I think we have a solution to your dilemma, something to settle it for good...” Leliana watched him. “It may involve...compromise,” she indicated.

“If it helps, I can manage that,” he assured them both.

“I hoped you might.” Leliana’s smile was warmer. 

He could understand some of what Kai described now. If it meant they could be together, he was more than happy to make compromises for Kai.

\-------------------------------------------------- 

Choice spirit, my arse Kai thought as Imshael eventually succumbed. Another demon or combination of demons judging by the manner he transformed from one type to another, causing them to switch tactics to keep up with his metamorphoses. And more damn spiders, she shivered. And he would not cease talking all the way through the battle. Maker she’d take growling and hissing over the infernal chatter. 

“Can’t he shut up,” Bull had growled.

“I guess he enjoys the sound of his own voice,” Dorian had yelled back.

This prompted a knowing snort in response from Cassandra. 

Maker, she did love fighting with the three of them. They worked together so instinctively now, responses so automatic it was second nature. Anyone listening would wonder why on earth they were joking in battle; it should be a serious matter. But when you recognised each other’s skills and actions so fully, and appreciated the things you faced could readily kill you, some light relief was morale boosting if rather dark.

“Another keep then,” Cassandra pointed out.

“A bit fancier than the others too,” Dorian remarked, “if, somewhat over adorned with the red stuff.”

“Indeed, we have to discover some way of getting rid of it,” Kai agreed. “In the meantime, I propose we head back to camp.”

Her shoulder had begun to throb again and her hand trembled from employing the anchor to open small rifts to damage Imshael. He was too powerful to be sucked in, but not too powerful for it to wear him down. She hoped the stitches hadn’t been tugged open; it hurt enough when Bull sewed them. The cut was a little deeper than they first thought, and ideally Kai should have recovered before fighting again. But she could have a breather now before they returned to Skyhold. 

And with Imshael dead, she could provide Cullen with a new officer, she hoped. Kai didn’t care about Michel de Chevin’s disgrace, if he was prepared to serve the Inquisition that was good enough for her. 

“Boss, now we’ve fixed this demon problem, how about the dragons?” Bull questioned, smiling.

“Maker’s breath! Can you not see a dragon without wanting to wade in? Perhaps just walk away like a rational person,” Dorian exclaimed despairingly.

“Now, where’s the fun in that,” Bull laughed.

“We can’t get to them yet, the bridge needs repairing first. I’ll send word to Skyhold. Don’t worry, we’ll see to them Bull, but first I’d very much like to go home, please,” Kai pleaded.

“I can wait. Something to look forward to,” Bull nodded.

“Or not,” huffed Dorian.

“I don’t hear the Seeker complaining,” Bull declared, glancing at Cassandra.

“I’ve learnt which battles to fight,” she threw back, raising an eyebrow. 

“And on that note, can we go? I live in the hope something hot and comforting may await us,” Kai sighed.

“You’re not back at Skyhold yet,” Dorian quipped, grinning now. 

Kai dropped her head and groaned loudly, hearing the three of them chuckling. “You too now, Cassandra?” she asked wearily.

“I apologise, Inquisitor,” she bowed slightly. “But your evident eagerness to see him each time we return has not passed unnoticed.”

“Maker’s breath!” Kai groaned again.

“Or repeating his expressions,” Cassandra added softly.

She should really stop saying that, she thought, as she strode away. The four of them headed back to camp.

When they arrived, Kai found two messages awaiting her, both from Leliana, effectively for the same thing. In her absence, her Advisors had agreed to a request to host peace negotiations at Skyhold between Orlais and Ferelden. Good, she thought, it was about time an official peace treaty was worked out. That would give Alistair added protection from future incursions. She recognised how finicky Orlesians were about contracts and treaties. Of course, it wasn’t an infallible guarantee if a future expansionist ruler was intent on breaking it, but it was one further hurdle in the way.

Then a ghastly thought struck her. Kai searched to see if the courier was still here. Thank the Maker, she was.

“Please issue an immediate response to Sister Nightingale. “ _‘Arrangements fine and thank you. But DO NOT touch my decor.’_ The emphasis is important,” she stressed.

The courier looked baffled. “Is that all, Your Worship?” she inquired.

“Yes, thank you,” Kai confirmed.

The dreadful prospect that they may turn her magnificent castle into some hideous, clashing combination of Orlesian and Ferelden decoration was too much to bear. Some things she would give way on, but others things she held sacrosanct. Skyhold would not be made into a ridiculous chimera. 

That accomplished, she headed to find Bull; needing him to reassure her she hadn’t torn the damn stitches.

\-----------------------------------------------

Walking back to his office, Cullen considered what they’d just discussed. Leliana promised they would both explain it all to Kai when she came back. He sighed. All he and Kai wanted was to be with each other, was that too much to ask. Why must it be so complicated?


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning from Emprise de Lion, Kai catches up with her Advisors as preparations are underway for the peace talks. Leliana and Cullen tell Kai about the idea to keep her and Cullen together.  
> .  
> .

Cullen was talking with Captain Tamsin when the horn blew. The Inquisitor had returned. A flicker of excitement ran through him, and the image of her dashing up the steps distracted him momentarily from the verbal report Tamsin was giving. Cullen pulled his attention back. With Rylen away, she was his second in command in Skyhold, and he couldn’t have wished for a more talented and organised officer.

“...and Sister Nightingale will ensure the soldiers picked for both guard details are carefully investigated. Those who pass the vetting will be granted appropriate training depending on which party they are attached to. The Ambassador has requested this so they learn the manners and customs of their assigned party. She wishes to avoid any inadvertent problems arising that...”

The door opened and there she was, beaming at him, his Inquisitor. His quite grubby Inquisitor by the looks of her, dusty and grimy, and...beautiful. He couldn’t prevent a slight smile responding to the delight in her face.

“Hello Tamsin, would you mind if I have a few minutes with Commander? I promise not to keep him too long,” she requested sweetly.

“Of course, Inquisitor,” replied Tamsin, smiling as she nodded before leaving. 

“Thank you,” Kai acknowledged.

Kai went to him, folding her arms around his waist and gazing into his face. “You’re a sight for sore eyes,” she sighed.

“And you’re grubby,” he told her, smirking, as he slid his hands onto her hips. He noticed her glance at his mouth. Even after all this time, he saw how she loved that.

“Literally or metaphorically?” she laughed.

“Right now literally,” he answered, leaning closer. “What’s that expression you use, a bath with your name on it?”

“That’s the next task on my list after seeing you,” she blinked, smiling. “Am I too grubby for a kiss?”

“Never,” he declared, as his lips found hers. 

These kisses, when she returned, were always the same, and always distinct from those at any other time. The end of having to just recall her face, her smile, her laughter; the end of missing her just being there. Life didn’t stand still without her, but when Kai was around, everything seemed...easier. For their future together he agreed with Leliana and Josephine’s idea. Cullen pulled her tighter against him, hearing the hum as her hands caressed his lower back soothingly.

As they broke the kiss, she was smiling.

“Have I told you recently how much I love you,” she said, peering into his eyes.

“Not for weeks now,” he joked, grinning at her.

“So remiss of me. I don’t know why you put up with me,” she winked.

“Neither do I,” he smiled, watching her mouth open, before she narrowed her eyes. She was smiling nevertheless. He leant forwards, his lips brushing her ear, “but I still love you,” he murmured, picking up the contented sigh.

“So...I presume I’ll be stuck here with you until these negotiations are over,” she quipped. He drew back, catching her cheeky grin.

“Maybe quite literally,” he explained, now seeing confusion. “Your room is likely to be commandeered, and I offered to put you up. You may have to endure living with me during the negotiations,” he informed her. 

“Such hardship,” she sighed, with mock sadness. “If I must suffer, I shall do my utmost to be brave and...” 

Kai got no further, chuckling at him rolling his eyes at her. “Very funny,” he responded. 

“You might not think so when I move my things here,” she warned.

Cullen hadn’t considered that. Even though she was generally with him in his loft, her room was always accessible. 

As the realisation struck him, she was snickering. “I will require storage space, Cullen. I can’t just chuck everything into a trunk like you do. A chest of draws, an armour stand, some hooks...”

“Fine, I’ll organise that,” he sighed. 

“Oh and a small bedside cabinet too,” she requested.

“Sweet Maker, alright. Anything else?” he groaned.

Kai grinned. “I think that should be sufficient, thank you. I promise not to make you suffer too much, Cullen. After all, you did kindly offer to put me up,” she lilted, pecking his cheek.

“Yes, I did, didn’t I,” he replied wearily. 

Kai smirked, her palms slipping onto his backside. “I’m confident that I can reward you for your hospitality, Commander, a mutually equitable arrangement perhaps?” she offered suggestively.

That made him chuckle. His hands slid around onto her rear. “Perhaps we can agree terms, Inquisitor?” he smirked.

“I look forward to the negotiations,” she whispered.

“And now I need to work, so later?” he suggested.

“Later,” Kai nodded.

Cullen remembered. “You need to see Josephine, she has news for you,” he told her.

“Will do,” she confirmed, and they separated. 

She watched him earnestly. “These peace talks will place a strain on Skyhold and the Inquisition, won’t they?”

“Without a doubt,” he affirmed.

“In that case I’ll make certain there’s a settlement between them. Even if I have to lock them both in a room until they concede. We’re not facilitating this simply for them to leave empty handed,” she declared.

Cullen coughed. “You’ve spent too long in the field. Don’t let the Ambassador hear you suggest that.”

“I think you’re right. Maker, what have I turned into? I would have never said something like that months ago,” she conceded, smoothing her forehead.

Cullen smiled and stroked her cheek. “The Inquisitor, that’s who. You just have to remember to adjust the balance. Time here before they arrive should do it.”

Kai’s smile was softer. “What would I do without you?” she inquired.

“That is something I trust we never have to find out,” he reassured her. 

“Me too,” she replied. “And I should go, our few minutes is likely up by now.”

As she turned to leave, Cullen couldn’t resist, and smacked her smartly on the bottom, forcing out a surprised exclamation. She rubbed the spot where he caught her.

“Oh, that’s how it is, is it?” she glanced over her shoulder, snickering.

“Later, Inquisitor,” he chuckled.

“Commander,” she winked and sashayed out. 

It was then Cullen spotted her hair, and how it had grown. The plait swayed in sync with the movement of her hips. He smirked.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Kai listened as her Advisors detailed arrangements made to date for the peace talks. This was, in fact, drawing substantially on their resources, even after Josephine had negotiated smaller parties on both sides. But it wasn’t just the participants they had to worry about; it was their own people as well. Anyone who came into contact with either party had to be vetted. Even though some already had been, the number of people arriving in Skyhold meant not everyone had been investigated as yet. 

Leliana had withdrawn several agents from the Keeps for support, and was working hard to insure only those deemed safe we allowed anywhere near the participants. It wasn’t always simple to determine if identities were legitimate ones as demonstrated with Blackwall. Kai knew Leliana had taken that experience to heart. But there were some they knew from early in the Inquisition who could be trusted. They would provide the backbone of their aid for the negotiations.

“Oh and there is one other matter,” Josephine smiled encouragingly. “Although, it’s not her normal practice, Lady Helmi has agreed to help. She will join me as joint facilitator for the negotiations now that her task in Ostwick has been successfully accomplished. Although her fee request was rather...generous, a successful outcome would be worth much more in good will.”

Ryla Helmi had arbitrated a formal signed agreement between her father and brother. However often they disagreed in future, Wilhelm’s inheritance was protected and that pleased her immensely, not just for Wilhelm, but for her too.

“So, Inquisitor, as discussed, you will act as Chair for the proceedings, purely to ensure matters do not escalate, but will have no formal role other than that. Please do be more...”

“Diplomatic?” Kai offered. “Josie, I promise that by the time they arrive, my conciliatory skills will be less rusty, shall we say?”

Josephine’s tapping of her pen stilled. “Thank you Inquisitor. That is reassuring,” she acknowledged, exhaling.

“What about our regular operations? How much are they affected?” Kai questioned.

Leliana looked the most thoughtful. “Mine are curtailed considerably. I have left agents in place to track Corypheus’s forces, but a substantial number are assisting with screening. We have the local agents you recruited, although their aid is rather limited.”

Josephine spoke next. “My attention is primarily focused on the peace talks, but I have negotiated local aid in providing supplies to Sahrnia, until we can work out a permanent arrangement. I have assured them they will be recompensed for their help.”

“Don’t worry, Josie. I intend to persuade Mistress Poulin to use the payment she obtained from the sale of the quarry to benefit the residents, and that includes recompensing any aid granted,” Kai reassured her.

Kai turned to Cullen. 

“I have one major operation running, Inquisitor. After you sent those messages from Emprise de Lion, finding Samson’s base has become imperative. We may have seriously diminished his red lyrium supply, but the armour mentioned concerns me greatly. However...the material and equipment Maddox would require to maintain that armour could only come from a restricted number of sources. I have patrols on the roads checking movements of convoys along those routes. Closer to home Dagna is examining the red lyrium samples we have procured. She has promised...to take the utmost care.” Cullen reported.

Kai knew Dagna made Cullen uneasy with her enthusiasm, and her tendency to take risks in discovering a solution to any problem. ‘Cheerfully blowing up Skyhold’ was the phrase Kai remembered when she arrived. Dagna was here as their Arcanist, a position she now held because Aedan got her established at Kinloch, launching the rest of her career. It occurred to Kai that she had never asked Cullen if he had contact with her when she turned up at the Circle.

“Effectively our presence and influence outside of Skyhold is scaled back, and we’re running a little blind?” Kai asked.

All three nodded.

“Understood,” she sighed. “I just hope Corypheus doesn’t choose to make a move until these negotiations are over.”

“From what we’ve learned, his forces are still spread out tracking down Elven ruins. He has made no move to draw them together to march on a specific goal yet,” Leliana informed her.

“Good, let them grub around a little longer. We need the time,” Kai replied. “Anything else?”

A chorus of ‘No Inquisitor’ answered her.

“I appreciate your time is valuable at the moment, so perhaps we could reconvene in a couple of days for an update. If there is anything pressing, please come and see me.” Kai glanced at Josephine, smiling, before facing them all. “I still have my quarters, but will be moving out so they can be prepared for Celene,” she teased. 

Josephine sighed. “It is appreciated, Inquisitor.”

“My pleasure, Josie,” Kai nodded. “After that I will have a makeshift office here in the War Room until the negotiations. The Commander has generously agreed to provide overnight accommodation...” there were sounds of female sniggering and one male groan, “but, separate offices are needed.” 

“Thank you all,” she smiled. 

Kai was about to leave when Leliana called her back. As Josephine left, Leliana and Cullen came up to her. She glanced from one to the other. Their faces were soft but otherwise unreadable. “I’m guessing whatever this is, it’s not work?” she questioned.

“No, it’s not. We should retire to your quarters, to talk,” Leliana replied.

Cullen said nothing.

Kai furrowed her eyebrows, puzzled. “Alright.” As she left, the others following, she rolled through the possibilities in her head. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

The three of them were in her room, Leliana sitting with Kai on the sofa, while Cullen perched on her bed. By now, Kai had her suspicions that this was something to do with her family. And plainly there had been discussions between the two of them while she was away. Well, they both knew everything that had transpired, so at least Kai didn’t have to be wary about what she said anymore. But why had they joined forces now? What could have happened...?

“You should read these first, then we can talk.” Leliana handed Kai two letters. “They arrived while you were in Emprise,” she added. 

Kai had given Leliana permission to go through her correspondence while she was away, both official and personal, in case of anything urgent coming in, granting authority for it to be addressed in her absence.

The top letter was from Lyssa. An angry diatribe about Papa, and how he was still furious about Anton and the scandal Lyssa would bring on the family with her persistence for an annulment. That was expected, Kai had been away longer than she anticipated, and hadn’t been able to help by writing to him. It was the next passage that caused her heart to sink. Lyssa had suggested to Papa she pick up Kai’s duties. Kai groaned, too soon, they needed to bring him around to Lyssa remaining, and then make the approach. But at least she was agreeable to the notion of taking over, Kai thought.

It was likely said in the heat of a quarrel, and as she read on, the inevitable consequence became apparent. He’d refused to countenance it. That was Kai’s obligation to the family. Lyssa’s was to her spouse. Always the same, her father, so old school, duty to one’s husband comes first. This was the last straw for Lyssa, and she informed Kai she was coming to Skyhold. She was fed up with being beholden first to a cheating husband, and then a cantankerous father. That was less comforting as Lyssa would have work with that cantankerous father. Her lovely sweet idea was rapidly crumbling before her.

Kai looked up at Leliana, the pleasure she felt earlier crumbling along with her sweet idea.

“Read the other one.” Leliana pointed to the second letter.

“How bad?” Kai asked dejectedly.

“Read it,” Leliana repeated.

“Maker, that bad,” she muttered, and moved it to the top.

Another tirade, this time Papa complaining about Lyssa. Lyssa was being wilful, irrational, bringing unwanted attention and scandal etc etc. It was the last part that bought Kai up short. 

==============

_You need to talk to your sister, convince her not to go through with this absurd idea. But should she not be swayed from this disastrous path, inform her we still have the option of arranging another marriage. Unfortunately for the family this would be nowhere near as advantageous as her current one, but something could be salvaged from her rash behaviour. We do not have that option with you as you well know. Accordingly I expect you to return as we discussed and resume your duties. I will not countenance this preposterous notion of Lyssa taking over from you._

_I await news of your discussion with your sister._

_Papa_

==============

He couldn’t have been blunter about his two daughters. Lyssa was still a bankable commodity whereas she was not. Papa had invariably regarded them in that light, but had never so explicitly or coldly expressed it as in his letter. Kai realised something; how much influence Ama had over him, softening him and cushioning them. And now that was gone. Kai’s hand shook a little as she finished reading the letter, not because she was upset, far from it, his calculating tone irked her. 

Kai took a deep breath and settled the slight tremble. She glanced at Leliana and Cullen in turn.

“I presume you’ve both seen these letters,” she inquired, supposing they had.

“We have, Kai,” answered Leliana, glancing at Cullen. 

Cullen nodded. He didn’t speak, but she could see it caused him discomfort. Papa’s letter would have reinforced his biases about the nobility, and in this instance he wouldn’t be mistaken. It would be antithetical to his sense of fairness, and it would almost certainly rouse his protective instinct where she was concerned.

Leliana leaned forward and picked up the letters from Kai. “We have come up with a solution to this issue.” 

She paused and looked at Cullen, then back at Kai. “You love Cullen and wish to remain with him, yes?”

Kai nodded. “Yes.”

Leliana continued. “Your father expects you to go on as before, well, we show him you can’t. We announce your betrothal to Cullen. In his eyes, you will now be bound to your future spouse. We break his claim on you, force his hand. If he wishes an ambassador so badly, Lyssa will be the sole choice for him. Although, I doubt even she wishes to take up that mantle now.”

Kai’s eyes became large then a frown settled on her face as she considered Leliana’s words. The rationale was sound, but this was just pandering to her father, they shouldn’t be playing his game. And she really didn’t like the thought of her relationship with Cullen becoming a political tool, let alone both of them being compelled into a betrothal to deal with her family issues. However rational this plan was, it felt emotionally wrong. Her irritation became anger. 

Kai stood up and wandered to the balcony doors, and opened them stepping outside, leaning on the railing. She needed cold air; she had to be calmer, cool down. 

Cullen watched Kai leave, now confused, and looked to Leliana. They expected a little resistance, but thought Kai would understand that this could work. Her grim face was an altogether unexpected response. Leliana seemed frustrated by Kai’s reaction. Maybe they’d both misjudged what she wanted. From their conversations Cullen always assumed she wanted the two of them to be together. Admittedly, they never discussed marriage, but he just presumed at some stage it would take place, perhaps not so soon. Had he misinterpreted what she wanted?

“Wait here Cullen, I’m going to have a word with her,” Leliana said, frowning. She walked out onto the balcony, pushing the door to, but not closing it.

Cullen was now troubled, and his hand reached for his neck. This was supposed to fix their problem, not produce new ones. There were sufficient issues to handle such as Corypheus and these blasted peace talks, without her family pulling Kai’s focus elsewhere, and by default his. And he didn’t want her to return to a parent that regarded her just a commodity, the expression she used. The woman he respected as the Inquisitor, and who he loved, did not warrant that. She deserved better.

Raised voices broke into his reflections. He looked around, to watch the spectacle outside.

“....be sensible Kai. You need to consider this realistically, your name is advantageous. Our solution can bypass your father’s demands, keep your connections, and allow the two of you to remain together,” Leliana insisted emphatically.

“Honestly I don’t give a fuck. I’ve had enough of being treated like an object by that bastard. And now...now his influence threatens to spoil the one true relationship I’ve had. And you, why did you force Cullen to agree to this?” Kai’s tone was resentful, and he could see her chest expanding and falling as her breathing intensified. 

“Force Cullen?” Leliana bristled. “Cullen agreed when he learned what the situation was, without any pressure from me, Kai.”

Cullen forgot his own concerns watching the two women face off. Although he viewed Leliana in a different light now, he would never think of challenging her quite the way Kai was doing. 

“So now _you’re_ arranging a marriage for me?” Kai shot back petulantly.

Leliana’s eyes narrowed, a dark frown settling on her face. “Katarina!” she snarled icily, her expression menacing.

Maker, when she spoke her tone would even chill Corypheus. A shudder went right through him.

Kai stopped. Her eyes were wide open, her breath caught, she was so still. Cullen was transfixed as they stood facing each other. He almost missed the gulp, just before Kai’s head dipped to her chest. But what happened next amazed him. Leliana folded one arm around Kai, holding her, and began to stroke her hair tenderly. She was whispering to Kai, but he couldn’t pick up the words. 

An image of mother and child came to him as he stared at the two of them. Cullen now realised that the bond between Kai and Leliana went deeper than friendship. Kai told him how she could never repay her debt to Leliana. He was reminded of an ancient saying about a life saved, how you were then liable for that life. 

As she continued, he saw Kai glance at him before turning back to watch Leliana, nodding now. Leliana kissed Kai’s forehead lightly, and ushered her back in, following behind. 

“Now, I expect the two of you have matters to discuss,” Leliana said, and then walked down the stairs leaving them alone.

Kai stared at Cullen. He looked a little taken aback, presumably by the exchange between her and Leliana on the balcony. Her friend was right to reproach her; Kai was letting her anger get the better of her, acting rudely and stupidly. She perched beside Cullen on the bed, clasping her hands together, watching him.

“Cullen, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have...” she began.

“I would have asked you,” he interrupted, facing her. “Perhaps not so soon, but that doesn’t mean I’m not sincere about it now.”

“Oh,” Kai replied, even more ashamed by her behaviour now. She could feel the heat in her cheeks, and wanted to look away, but forced herself not to. She had to face up to the consequences of her tantrum.

“I thought you wanted...” he sighed. “What _do_ you want from me, Kai?” he demanded, his gaze keener now. 

“To be with you, not just now, but for, however long we live,” she replied softly. “I wanted to do it the long way round, you know. Take our time, just like normal people do, not have to arrange a marriage to deal with problems created by my family,” she conceded. Kai scratched her head anxiously, alarmed by his uncertainty as to her motivation.

“Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed. “You don’t seriously imagine we’re talking about some arranged marriage here?” he inquired impatiently, rubbing his forehead. 

“No!” she cried panicking. “I didn’t mean like that. Shit, that’s not what I was trying to say...sorry, I’m just fucking this up even more now.” 

Kai closed her eyes, breathing deeply to clear the tension. Opening them, she saw Cullen staring at her, and recognised from his expression he was thinking, so she waited for him. She didn’t dare open her mouth for fear of sticking both feet in there. Just listen to him, she told herself.

He exhaled heavily. “Leliana showed me the letters, told me about your family, and your father. She asked me how serious I was about you, had I considered marrying you. I told her I had, not necessarily now, but in the future. I understood what she was asking of me, and was prepared to agree to her idea, because I assumed that was what you would want too.” 

He stared ahead, another pause. “It meant keeping us together, allowing you to remain with the Inquisition, and placing these distractions behind us. Not to mention you wouldn’t have to return to a father who regarded his children as chattels.”

Cullen paused, his palm rubbing his forehead again. This time his eyes closed momentarily. Kai spotted the warning, he was developing a headache. 

“Kai, we are not normal people. Sometimes practicality has to win out over romantic notions.” He looked at her, and when he spoke again his voice was gentler. “I love you and I want to marry you.”

Kai went to speak, but he continued, his hand at the back of his neck now. “But I don’t know what you...” he started hesitantly. “Just...come and tell me when you’ve made a decision,” he looked away, standing up.

He glanced at her, almost nervously. “Goodnight Kai,” he said and walked away.

“Night Cullen,” she responded quietly, watching him as he went to the stairs and down them, hearing the door shut as he left.

This time, she knew, she just knew she’d hurt him. He was prepared to make a sacrifice _for her_ , not because he’d been influenced to, but because he wanted to. And all she did in response to that was whine like some petulant, immature teenager. Apparently Kai Trevelyan had left her past behind, but not grasped how to grow up yet.

Kai crawled onto the bed and shuffled up, settling her head on the pillow. She stared at the windows above her staircase, the beautiful Ferelden design reminding her of Cullen.

She loved him, and she wanted to spend her life with him. He made everything so much...easier. He gave her strength, even if she wasn’t with him. Just knowing he was there was enough.

But there was one thing she was sure of. _She didn’t deserve him._


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai comes a decision and speaks to Cullen, but his reponse is not what she expects. Lyssa, Kai's sister arrives with her children to stay in Skyhold.  
> .  
> .

It was early evening, and Kai could feel the wind picking up a chill. She shut the balcony door and retook her place behind the desk. All day she’d been in her room, supposedly working, but judging by the completed pile, not successfully. She’d get part way through a report or a document she had to sign, and her mind would drift. It wasn’t the best approach to catching up on weeks of outstanding work. Next time, they had to return between missions, so the volume she came back to was less. But that was what she told herself last time, and she still ended up in the same position.

Kai should add lamentably bad bureaucrat to her list of skills, joining less rusty ambassador and reasonable fighter, but at least she had some practice behind her. Regrettably that wasn’t the case for relationships, where she had scarcely any experience. Truth be told, until Cullen, her sum total was zero. The few occasions she met with Aedan was just a precursor to marriage, and everything since then, apart from Cullen, was just sex and even that was limited. All because she refused to become involved until she fell in love again. That meant when she hit a dilemma, she had no experience to draw on, no mistakes to have learnt from.

She’d made a decision what to do. Or more precisely a decision to delay _the_ decision about his offer. She was up most of the night thinking about Cullen, her family and his offer, and this meant tiredness plagued her throughout the day. Kai gave up struggling to work and slouched back in her chair. But sitting here was no good either. Picking up her cloak and side dagger, she hoped a walk might settle her mind before she went to see Cullen.

She made her way down into the Great Hall, it was quieter now. As she came to the steps she glanced up to Cullen’s tower. He was probably there, organising, directing. Part of her just wanted to go to him, but she pressed down the steps instead, all the way through the bottom courtyard, and across the bridge into the mountains. It would be another couple of hours before they closed the gate; plenty of time to blow away the cobwebs, and then see him when he was less busy, and her head clearer.

The track heading out of Skyhold was broader and well worn now, and for the moment Kai stuck to it, knowing that a little further on the sides levelled out, and she could move off the track onto the small plateau nearby. It was colder here, but bright and crisp, and the mountains beautiful in their sparseness. She was so busy staring around she didn’t notice the two figures walking towards her at first. One taller, one much shorter and four legged. Kai recognised them. 

Cullen and Izzy. 

Evidently she wasn’t the only one who thought of taking a walk. As they neared, her pace slowed, postponing the moment they would meet. She wasn’t quite ready to explain; she needed more time to get the words right. Kai hoped he wouldn’t ask again or expect an answer right now. What she had to say was important, and she couldn’t mess it up. A small knot of tension formed in her belly as her heart sped up slightly.

As they almost reached her, Izzy ran up and Kai bent down to fuss her. The distraction was welcome, granting her a moment to acquire her composure.

“Thank you, Izzy,” she whispered under her breath, as she stroked Izzy’s head.

Cullen’s boots stopped a calculated distance from her. Not close enough to be familiar, and not far away enough to be distant. An Inquisitor’s distance. He was falling back on their roles, something he could be sure of. She recognised then he wouldn’t ask. Part of her was relieved, but another part sad for him. Her actions had contributed to this distance. Funny how the difference between a few footsteps could convey so much, yet that was exactly him. 

The more he sought to be brave or strong, the more he leaked how he actually felt through his body language. 

Cullen watched Kai fussing Izzy and noted how she didn’t glance up when he approached. He realised she was using Izzy as a distraction. Stopping a slight distance away to allow her space, he waited for her to talk. He was pressing her into a decision she hadn’t even thought about making until it was proposed. 

Her reluctance had upset him, and he wanted to know where he stood with her. It wasn’t until he thought about it, he realised how they’d just thrown the solution at her. Both he and Leliana were convinced their plan was sound, and it was. But in their eagerness to save her, they just assumed it was what she would want.

And now he recognised how considered she was, her natural exuberance tempered. 

A couple of minutes passed, and Cullen still hadn’t spoken. Kai couldn’t keep fussing Izzy else it would appear she was avoiding him. Maybe he wished to return and was just too polite to move them on. Kai stopped and stood up, seeing Cullen’s hand on the back of his neck. Now she was making him nervous, as well as uneasy.

“I should go...I have a meeting shortly,” he declared, glancing away.

“Of course, I appreciate you have a lot to do,” she acknowledged, making her tone as even as she could. 

Not so shortly, he thought. But she plainly preferred to be alone. He called Izzy to him, nodding as he passed, making his way back to Skyhold. What he could see was how drained she looked, and he could swear she was wearing the same scarf as yesterday. It was a little quirk of hers, to change her scarf every day. Had she slept? 

Cullen heard her calling him and looked back.

“May I come and see you later...to talk,” she inquired hesitantly. 

This was the first hint of anxiety he’d seen, and it felt like she was asking permission. Part of him hoped she would give him an answer, but another part was wary about what it would be. Her distance didn’t give him confidence it was a good one, but he was the one that demanded an answer. 

“Yes, of course,” he replied.

“Thank you,” she confirmed, a slight smile passing over her face, before she spun away.

Cullen returned to his trek back to the main gate, and an expression she used months ago popped into his head, ‘asking is for strangers’. Was that what they were now?

Kai walked a few steps then turned back, but he was already striding away, Izzy trotting beside him. No wonder, she’d virtually slapped him in the face with her outburst and ambiguity. Cullen was too polite to tell her she behaved like an arse, but that was precisely how she’d acted. He was a good man and deserved better. This time she had to be clear and explain everything.

Now she had to pull herself together, and get her head straight. Kai lifted the hood over her head and wandered on.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Standing in front of the door to Cullen’s office, what she actually wanted to do was run away, what she had to do was talk to him. Her heart was galloping so rapidly she felt like it wanted to burst loose and lurch into her mouth. Until she reached that last step of the stairs, her control held. Then seeing his door, it slipped away out of her grasp. Kai leant on the battlement wall, drawing deep breaths to settle her agitation. 

Cullen was correct; all of this nonsense with her family was a distraction. The fate of the world was more important than her father’s demands. And Leliana was right about maintaining her name. She just had to hope Cullen would understand her idea. Hours she spent thinking about the matter before finally summoning the courage to decide it was the only path. She closed her eyes briefly and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” came Cullen’s voice from inside.

Kai opened the door to see Tamsin with him. “I’m sorry,” she apologised. “I can come back later if you’re busy.”

“Tamsin and I were just finishing up...if you wish to wait,” he suggested. 

This time there was no leakage, he was with his subordinate, and wouldn’t show any weakness. He was invariably more comfortable within his role as Commander than outside it. Probably more practice, she guessed. Tamsin turned to smile as Kai closed the door and Kai smiled back. She waited, leaning against the wall near the door.

“Fine, go ahead and replace the two that Sister Nightingale identified, once she provides confirmation on the replacements,” Cullen affirmed. “Was there anything else?”

“No. Thank you, Commander,” Tamsin nodded.

“Thank you, Tamsin. That’ll be all then,” he declared, dismissing her.

“Inquisitor,” she acknowledged as she left.

“Tamsin,” Kai nodded in reply.

Cullen stared at his desk, shuffling out a report from the documents there. “You wanted...to talk,” he said, darting a look at her. He didn’t pick up the report, just set it aside.

“Yes,” she replied, walking over to his desk. 

Usually, she would stand next to him, but this time she continued to the other side, the desk between them. Cullen now looked up, his gaze fixed on her, his hands resting on the pommel of his sword. 

Feeling her hands clasped a little too tightly, Kai released her grip and held them loosely before her. There was no benefit in both of them holding defensive postures. 

“I thought about what you said and your offer, long and hard. There are things I would prefer to say before I answer. You will likely have questions, but would you allow me to explain before you ask,” she requested. The time waiting gave Kai a chance to apply the training and recover her control. Her voice and manner were steady. 

“Alright,” he agreed. A flash of puzzlement passed over his face before his expression turned to impassivity.

“I’ve determined not to go back to Ostwick after our task is achieved, presuming we make it through. Duties or not, I’m not the same person I was, and am no longer prepared to accept what I did before. I appreciate I should have made this decision earlier, but sometimes it’s hard to step away and see matters clearly. For that I apologise. You were right; this whole issue with my family is a distraction, an unnecessary one because I let it get that far. For obvious reasons, I won’t be telling Papa that just yet, Leliana was also correct about needing my name and connections. We don’t know who or what we will need yet. I’ll deal with him after this is over.”

Kai paused, waiting for a response, but he offered none, only looking down at his desk. She went on.

“My behaviour yesterday was rude and selfish, and I understand you and Leliana had the best of intentions. But it likewise proves I’m not ready, I’m not the person you deserve, not yet. And I’m scared if we move too far, too fast, I will screw it up, because honestly, I’m not that mature. I spent years hanging on for something special, instead of making mistakes and learning from them. Months ago I pledged to give you everything I am, and that still stands. I love you and want to be with you, but I’m sorry, I’m not ready to give you an answer.”

Cullen’s jaw clenched as he listened to her, the frustration adding to the headache he was still wrestling, and the lack of sleep. On the surface it made perfect sense, there was nothing about her he wasn’t already aware of. The explanation was clear, well thought out...too well thought out, too pat. She sounded so assured when she talked, more confident than normal. 

And there was one feature about Kai he could be positive about, she always made a decision. She would insist on information first, but she always drove something through to its resolution. Had she answered no, he could have understood that, he would have at least known where he stood. 

But now she couldn’t decide? She wasn’t what he deserved? It sounded like excuses. And, after months of worrying how she could resolve the issue of returning to Ostwick, she simply decided overnight not to? All this _after_ what they’d thought of, to provide her a way out? _After_ he told her he wanted to marry her. 

Suspicions were forming in his mind as what she actually did want. He rubbed his forehead, his face setting into a heavy frown as the anger swelled.

“So...you’ve _now_ decided not to go back?” he asked, watching her.

“I thought about what you said, it was a distraction,” she responded calmly.

“And how long would you need, before _you_ thought you were what _I_ deserved?” he demanded bluntly.

The assured expression on her face faded as her eyes opened wide. “I hadn’t...I don’t know...” she stumbled.

“Perhaps you did think about what I said.” Cullen walked around the desk to face her. “Perhaps this Ferelden is fine to fuck, but not to marry?” he inquired, his voice colder, glaring as he threw her own words back at her. 

Kai’s jaw dropped and her face took on a stunned look. “You honestly think that I would...?” her voice faltered.

He folded his arms and pushed his face closer to hers. “If I had a title, would _that_ be more acceptable?”

For moment she seemed shocked before her eyes narrowed, at the same time filling up. Her voice was shaky as she spoke. “No, Cullen, it would not. Because if you truly believe what you are saying, I wouldn’t marry you if you were the fucking King of Ferelden. And if that isn’t definite enough, the answer is NO.”

She turned and walked to the door, her hand pausing on the handle. “Don’t worry about getting anything in for me, I’ll find alternative accommodation for the talks.” With that she left.

As Cullen watched her go, and the anger receded, doubts arose. If she genuinely wished to keep him dangling, she wouldn’t have rebuffed him. She would have sought to placate him, knowing how good she was at doing that. Yesterday, her reaction hurt him, but he thought he’d worked out why she might be reluctant. 

But today, today he assumed it wasn’t reluctance, she was playing him. Damn, this time he had got it so badly wrong. He shouldn’t have reacted so rashly, he should have...but he couldn’t take back his words, it was too late now. 

There was no getting back from this...

Kai strode along the battlements almost to the end before she realised where she was. At least it was peaceful here. She sat down leaning on the wall, tapping the back of her head against it in frustration. He apparently didn’t trust her, thought she was just stringing him along. 

She would have given up her title and family for him if need be, she threatened to. Now she had stupidly allowed her anger to get the better of her... and Maker, she’d thrown his proposal back in his face.

Shit, this time she had messed it up for good...

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai dragged herself off the bed; she’d fallen asleep in her clothes yet again. As well as sitting on the battlements until Maker knows what hour. Another night with barely any sleep, brooding, thinking about Cullen. She was tired, cold, and a little groggy. Pulling open the draws, Kai grabbed some fresh clothes and was just about to change, when she heard someone moving up the stairs. Light footsteps, but not Leliana, these were faster...Josephine. 

Kai turned to see Josephine’s head pop up. She was getting better at this. 

“Hey Josie, what can I do for you,” she inquired, still a little dazed.

“Inquisitor, your...Maker, you look dreadful, are you ill?” she asked, her eyes wide as she moved closer.

“Just tired, that’s all. A decent night’s sleep should sort me out,” Kai reassured her. “There was something you wished to tell me?”

“Oh yes, your sister has arrived,” Josephine told her, still peering at Kai. 

“Lyssa’s here? She wasn’t expected until tomorrow.” Not what she needed today, handling Lyssa in the state she was in would be challenging. 

“Well, she has arrived. They are unloading her luggage as we speak, and she does seem to have rather a lot. Was she proposing to remain long?” Josephine’s tone was diplomatically curious.

“Your guess is as good as mine, Josie. You know what’s been going on in Ostwick, and right now she has nowhere else to go. Don’t worry, I’ll ensure she stays out of the way during the talks,” Kai assured her.

“Thank you, Inquisitor. Perhaps you should go to greet her? She does seem to be waiting for you...” she was hesitant now.

“Josie?” Kai asked wearily.

“She seems a little...forceful...”

“Ugh, what did she do?”

Josephine coughed. “She ordered the Commander to unload her luggage. He just happened to be wandering past. I don’t think he was happy...”

Kai groaned, closing her eyes. Why did it have to be Cullen? “Did he know who she was?”

“Not at first, he does now,” Josephine explained. “He did stop grumbling when he found out. But maybe you should talk to him anyhow.”

That was the second thing she wanted to avoid if possible today. It would be tough enough in the War Council meeting later. But she could get through that. She needed better control of her reactions if she was to talk to Cullen, and that meant some sleep. Not likely to happen now Lyssa was here.

“Let me change my clothes, and I’ll sort Lyssa out first,” she sighed.

Josephine nodded and left. Kai got changed and made her way to the gate. She had a gut instinct this was going to be a bad day. 

As she came to the bottom courtyard, she saw the carriage and several chests being hauled away. How in the Maker’s name did that flimsy carriage not collapse under the weight? It looked like Josephine had drafted in some soldiers as well to transport them to the quarters prepared for Lyssa, her children, and their governess. 

Kai stood there scratching her head. Her sister was so used to servants at her beck and call she forgot other places were not the same. She definitely had not been raised like that. Their servants in Ostwick were treated with respect, not like serfs. Well, that was one nasty habit Kai would yank out of her. Lyssa spotted her, waving cheerfully, but it was Eri and Cassie that rushed forward when they saw her.

“Auntie Kai!” they squealed, racing to her. Kai knelt down, scooping a child into each arm, giving both a huge hug.

She loved her nieces, two surprisingly balanced children considering what they grew up with. Lyssa was shouting at them.

“Girls, it’s not ladylike to run,” she reprimanded. “How many times must I tell you?”

As Kai looked up she could see Myra, their governess, stifling a grin. She was the one who held them grounded and allowed them to be children. Maker, they were only ten and eight. Cassie huffed, and Kai couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “We can find plenty of places to run where Mama can’t see.” Both girls grinned broadly.

“So, how are my favourite nieces then?” she inquired, glancing at each one in turn.

Eri rolled her eyes. “We’re your only nieces, Auntie Kai,” she sighed.

“So?” Kai arched an eyebrow. “Favourite doesn’t rely on amounts, it relies on the fact you’re special. And my two little monsters are certainly special, aren’t you?”

“We’re not monsters,” Eri replied sceptically.

“I am,” answered Cassie. “I still like the game. Eri thinks she’s too grown up now because she has an admirer.”

Kai watched as Eri scowled at her sister. “Shut up, you’re not supposed to tell!” she hissed.

“It’s only Auntie Kai. I didn’t tell Mama,” Cassie looked crestfallen at her sister’s scolding.

Kai kissed her forehead tenderly and a little smile burst out.

“And we won’t tell Mama. But young lady, you will tell Auntie Kai all about him,” she urged, expecting a response from her reluctant niece. 

Cassie was observing them both, her finger in her mouth. Kai gently removed it. For some peculiar reason her sister didn’t like that habit, and it saved Cassie from receiving a telling off if Lyssa saw it.

Eri’s shoulders drooped as she gave in. “Alright,” she tutted.

“Thank you Eri,” she grinned at her niece, and received a smile in reply.

“Look, there’s that man again,” Cassie looked upwards. Before Kai even glanced, she guessed. Cullen was standing on the battlements watching them. “He wasn’t very happy when Mama shouted at him. But _I_ like his coat.”

“His coat?” Kai asked puzzled, looking back at her niece.

Eri giggled and mimicked her mother. _“You there with the peculiar coat. Yes, you.”_

Kai struggled not to chuckle, but without success. By now, both girls were giggling at her snickering. She knew it was wrong, but it was funny, and it was the first time she wanted to laugh in two days. Kai didn’t dare glance up again, just in case it got worse. That would be all she needed on top of everything that happened between them. She coughed, stilling her mirth.

“That is Commander Cullen, head of the Inquisition Army,” she informed them. “And one of my Advisory Council. Your Mama upset an extremely important man. Do you think...” she paused grinning cheekily, “...we should tell her?”

Both girls nodded enthusiastically. Kai was such a poor example, mocking her sister in front of her own children. But Lyssa had picked up some bad habits, social snobbery being one of them. Kai realised she did it to fit in with their circle of friends in Nevarra. But she wasn’t with Anton anymore, and it was about time she recalled who she was, not who she pretended to be.

Kai stood up, either arm around her nieces and wandered up her sister. She greeted Myra as Lyssa sent her off to organise their belongings. Lyssa reached out her arms, and Kai let go of Eri and Cassie to hug her sister. She was a good person, she’d always been a good sister, but somewhere over the years, that gentle, funny person became submerged beneath a facade of bitterness and social superficiality.

“Hello Lys,” Kai greeted her.

“Hello Kiki,” she answered. 

Kai’s eyes grew wide. She hadn’t called her Kiki in years. Not since...Kai pulled back.

“Lys?”

“Maker, Kai. You look like nugshit,” she peered at Kai. 

Kai eyes became even wider; her sister hadn’t cussed in years. It wasn’t respectable according to Anton. “I could have sworn I was told my sister was here?” she demanded suspiciously.

Lyssa whispered in her ear. “She’s trying to remember who she is, but it isn’t easy Kai. Seeing you, it helps...”

Kai hugged her hard. “Oh, I’m positive we can think of plenty more words to get that stick out of your arse,” she quipped, hearing a giggle now.

She heard Cassie whispering to Eri. “Auntie Kai said arse.”

“Mama said nugshit,” Eri whispered back astonished.

“Yes, and Mama can hear you both.” Lyssa looked at them seriously. The girls stared worriedly at her. “But as this is Auntie Kai’s home, perhaps we can see what she thinks.”

Kai smirked. “Well, as I am boss here,” she winked at the girls, “I say...what the...”

“Yes, quite,” Lyssa coughed. “Perhaps that is a step too far.”

“I was going to say heck,” Kai informed her. “And Lys, speaking of rudeness, someone maligned _my_ Commander earlier, doubtless mistaking him for some sort of lackey,” she frowned. “May I point out we do not have lackeys here. Everyone is a member of the Inquisition, and all should be treated with respect,” she added earnestly.

It was her sister’s turn to look wide eyed. “Oh Dear Maker. I must apologise, he’ll think me so crass.”

Kai could hear her nieces sniggering.

“Yes, you must,” she leaned closer. “But drop the affectation, or you’ll piss him off even more.”

As she drew back, she saw Lyssa roll her eyes; then a smile broke out. “Is he your Commander, or _your_ Commander,” she wondered.

“Both,” Kai answered, a little too swiftly and a little too strenuously. Only then did she realise, she didn’t know if that was indeed true anymore. 

“Such a shame,” Lyssa sighed, waving herself. It was the same Orlesian affectation Vivienne employed. 

Kai tugged her sister’s hand down. “Lose that too,” she groaned. “You’re not among that pretentious lot now.”

It was the girls who sighted him first and dashed off as he came down the stairs. “Bull!” they yelled excitedly.

Kai turned to see Lyssa’s eyes light up. “Lys, I’m sorry he’s taken,” she cautioned.

Lyssa’s shoulders sagged, and she exhaled. “Well, if he’s here, the girls will have their shoulder rides at least. They always loved those. Never quit talking about them after he left.”

“The Chargers are here too,” she grinned. “And Leliana. And we have another Cassandra Pentaghast, so that makes two now.” 

“I heard, you have the Right and Left Hands of the Divine,” Lyssa paused. “Do they know that you’re not..?”

“Lys, Leliana always knew, and so does Cassandra now. But outside of a select few, no one should know,” Kai warned. 

The conversation broke off as Bull strode towards them, a child on each shoulder. Kai wondered how heavy they were. Both were small for their age, but so had she and Lyssa been. Lyssa took after Ama and was still short, whereas Kai had sprung up like a weed as her father used to say, a tad taller than most of her peers.

“Boss, Lady Pentaghast,” Bull greeted both with a nod.

“Hello Bull, it’s good to see you,” Lyssa replied, smiling. 

Kai could hear her sister’s actual voice as she spoke, the falseness falling away. That was the wonderful thing Bull had done for Lyssa, he awakened a memory of who she was. It vanished again, but it seemed not for good as she glanced at Lyssa’s face. 

Kai grinned watching her two nieces perched on Bull’s shoulders, each one gently taking a horn in one hand and holding his shoulder with the other, his hands gripping their legs. “So, I see you’re recruiting the next generation now?” she laughed.

“I offered to show them how to fight with sticks, and I think a heard a yes...” he lifted his hand to his ear, as two voices shouted “Yes!” in reply.

Kai stared at Lyssa, expecting the horrified look, but Lyssa was thinking. She could detect the struggle between what she remembered, and what had been expected later. Memory won out.

“Auntie Kai and I were your ages when we learnt. As long as Bull promises to take care of you,” she requested, looking at Bull.

“You can count on me to keep them safe,” he replied reassuringly, setting off with both girls chuckling away excitedly.

“Why don’t we go sit in the upper courtyard. We can talk and you can watch their progress,” Kai offered.

“Why not?” Lyssa smiled, taking Kai’s arm. “But first, I think I have an apology to make, don’t I?”

Kai’s heart sank a little, but she sought to not let it show. They’d not talked since yesterday. “Let’s go up the stairs there, it’s more direct,” she pointed out.

As they approached the door, Kai knocked, hearing Cullen’s voice call out ‘Come in’.

She took a breath and stepped in, Lyssa following behind.

He frowned briefly seeing both of them, but then softened his face. “Inquisitor,” he acknowledged.

“Hello Cullen, I’d like to introduce my sister, Lady Lyssa Pentaghast. Lys, this is Commander Cullen Rutherford. Lys has...” Kai was cut short.

“...an apology to make to you Commander,” Lyssa stepped forward almost right to him. “I was rude and boorish. Please accept my apologies. I promise my behaviour will be better. And don’t worry, I’m sure Kai will show me the error of my ways should I stumble,” she smiled, offering her hand.

Cullen glanced down before accepting it. “Thank you,” he replied.

Kai could see Lyssa was awaiting some sort of exchange, but likewise that Cullen was not going to offer any. She elected to usher Lyssa out and let him get on with his work. Not to mention, she was getting uncomfortable herself.

“Lys, shall we go and see what Eri and Cassie are up to with Bull?” she urged.

“Of course,” she agreed. “It was nice to meet you properly, Commander,” she smiled, as Cullen nodded in acknowledgment.

Before they reached the other door, Cullen called her. “Inquisitor, could we have a word before you leave? I have an update on that investigation.”

She paused, closed her eyes briefly, before turning. “Of course, Commander. Let me just show Lys the way and I’ll come back.”

Kai pointed out the route to Lyssa and returned to Cullen’s office, pausing before the door. Another deep breath and she strode in, taking a position on the opposite side of his desk.

“I should apologise for my sister’s behaviour as well. But I’m sure time here will ensure she remembers the manners she was raised with, rather than the ones learnt more recently,” Kai said carefully, glancing at him, and then staring at his desk. The same desk they’d had sex on, she thought. Kai quickly pushed the image to one side; distractions wouldn’t help if they were to talk sensibly.

“So, how goes the search for Samson?” she asked, her more official tone in place, and her arms behind her back to prevent the tremble showing.

“My soldiers are following up a lead on a suspicious caravan. Obviously I won’t know for certain until we receive confirmation. But it’s the most promising information to date,” he reported, his voice just as official as hers.

Kai looked up and caught his eye, both of them locked onto each other’s gaze now. In that moment, all she wanted to do was go to him and hold him, just as they did when she came back from a mission. To feel his arms around her, and his breath fan over her mouth right before he kissed her. The moment shattered when he glanced away.

Kai quickly collected herself. “Thank you Cullen. Please keep me updated. But any operation will have to wait until after the talks,” she advised.

“Yes, Inquisitor,” he confirmed.

“Was there...anything else?” she inquired shyly.

He stared at her, his hand going to the back of his neck. She could see he was tired too. His sleep could be impaired enough at the best of times. She would have to make sure he...damn, how could she, when it was her fault. Kai needed to figure out what to do.

“No, Inquisitor,” came the eventual response.

A sad sigh escaped before she could hold it back. Kai swiftly spoke to mask it. “I should get back to Lys and the girls. Bull’s training them to fight with sticks,” she blurted out.

“All of them?” he asked.

“Just Eri and Cassie. Lys and I had our training when we were their age. But I don’t think Anton approved of girls being trained. Luckily for them they’re here now,” she answered. 

Cullen nodded and reached down for a report. He clearly wished to work, so Kai decided perhaps it was time to leave. She reached the door before he called her again, still using her title. 

“Yes, Cullen,” she swung around.

He strode up to her with a box in his hand, a box she recognised, and gave it to her, his glove brushing her palm as he placed it in her hand. “I don’t know if they’ll like them, but...” 

“Thank you,” she acknowledged softly. “It’s a kind thought, Cullen.” Kai stared at the box and back at him. “Well, if they don’t, I do,” she continued with a soft smile.

“I know.” His voice was gentle as he glanced at her before heading back to his desk.

Kai barely made it through the door before the tears spilled out. She leant over the battlements next to his tower and angled her head so nobody could catch her crying quietly. Back in future Redcliffe, seeing him vulnerable, a little piece of her broke, but that was before she loved him. This time the piece was bigger, much, much bigger. As Cullen handed her the sweets she noticed how strained he looked. 

They were both hurting from what was said. She didn’t know if things between them could ever be repaired, but there was too much to let it _all_ just drift away. After some minutes the tears abated, and she dried her eyes. Lyssa wasn’t the only one who owed him an apology. 

Kai drew a long deep breath and knocked again. Hearing Cullen call ‘come in’, she opened the door and went back in.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leliana and Cullen make a worrying discovery less than a week before peace negotiations are due to take place. Kai and Lyssa catch up with each other.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some brief descriptions of violence.  
> .  
> .

Cullen watched her as Kai walked back into his office, a somewhat baffled look passing over his face.

“Inquisitor?” he questioned.

She stood there for a few seconds, staring at him, the sweet box clutched tightly in her fist. 

“I,” Kai began and then cleared her throat to chase away the croak that vaguely resembled a word. “I just wanted to...needed to,” her thumb rubbed the top of the sweet box nervously, “apologise for what I said...” she drew a deep breath, “...It was...”

The door opened, and one of Leliana’s agents came in, cutting off her rambling attempt at an apology. He glanced momentarily at the two of them before relaying his message. “Apologies for the interruption Commander, but Sister Nightingale requests your presence.” 

“Right now?” Cullen asked frowning.

“Yes Ser, she insists it’s important,” he explained.

Cullen looked at Kai, slightly hesitant as he spoke, “I have to...”

“Of course”, Kai cut in nodding, thankful for the intrusion. Her attempt at an apology was failing miserably. Embarrassed by her stumbling, she felt heat suffuse her face. 

“Perhaps...we could talk again later?” he offered expectantly as she moved to leave. 

She could see he was nervous too, his hand at the back of his neck. “Yes,” she agreed, smiling weakly.

He acknowledged her answer and left, following the agent. Kai exhaled, and closed her eyes, searching for the concentration she needed to alleviate the trembling that now broke out. Her desire to apologise had overshadowed her sense. She should have waited; she shouldn’t have tried to rush. Maker, when was she going to learn not to dive in with Cullen before she was ready?

After some minutes, she was calm enough to find Lyssa. They had plenty to talk about, and she had sweets for her nieces. She caressed the top of the box. Even though she had upset him, and Lyssa had annoyed him, he nevertheless made an effort to be kind to her nieces. 

Cullen was a decent person and deserved a proper apology.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Cullen followed Leliana’s agent through the Great Hall and the door leading into Josephine’s office, before heading down the stairs into the cellars of Skyhold. He was curious as to what this could be about. They passed into a room off the central area, into what looked like an ancient disused library, judging by the cobwebs covering everything in there.

Leliana was huddled over something at the far end, and as he approached he recognised what she was examining. A man’s body sprawled in front of a desk situated at the rear of the room.

“Cullen,” she addressed him, standing up, and dismissing the agent.

“Leliana,” he acknowledged, glancing at the body clad solely in smalls, and spotted the thin cord around the neck. 

“I think we have our first murder,” she advised him. “My librarian discovered him. He came down to identify what books were stored down here, and found the body.”

“We have a librarian?” Cullen asked. 

“Yes, one of the mages. I tasked him with cataloguing the books we have amassed. Most of which we’ve bought with us, purchased or had donated. But we found this room, seemingly untouched since the last occupants. Who knows what could have been left behind...perhaps not him though, I suspect he’s more recent,” Leliana coughed, sporting a lifted eyebrow.

Cullen rolled his eyes. “That was...a little tasteless,” he groaned.

“A little dark humour. Kai would have found it amusing,” she remarked, regarding him thoughtfully.

Cullen recognised she was prodding him to scrutinise his reaction. What he didn’t know was whether she had talked with Kai. And as much as Leliana had been an ally in devising the idea they had, she was still Kai’s friend, and her personal allegiance would no doubt be with her.

He was fatigued, and in no frame of mind for games. “Shall we just concentrate on discovering out who he is, and how he ended up here,” he replied sharply. 

Cullen glanced at the body. “This could be simply a disagreement or feud that got out of hand. But, if we have a bigger problem than that, then I would like to find out sooner than later. There’s less than a week until they arrive for these talks.”

“Certainly,” she confirmed, momentarily holding her gaze before shifting her attention to the man lying on the floor. “His hands indicate some form of physical labour. That could mean he’s either a soldier or a worker. I would surmise, judging by his state of undress, that whoever killed him removed his clothes, either to hide this man’s identity, or to utilise them for some other purpose. If it’s the latter, are we searching for one individual or more?” 

“One thing at a time,” he urged. One dead body did not automatically indicate a conspiracy. But he didn’t think like a Spymaster.

Cullen crouched, taking a closer look at the dead man. His palms were calloused, but that could mean either worker or soldier. They had masons and carpenters, any of whom would have hands like that. It was the scars on his right arm, torso and left leg that signalled he was a soldier, and a couple of recent cuts and some minor bruising on his chest, perhaps from a shield bash. If a shield was driven back against the chest, the handle would leave behind a bruise mark comparable to the one he saw.

Their army had enlarged markedly since Haven. Back then he could have recognised most of the Inquisition soldiers. Now that was no longer feasible, and he required assistance in identifying the body.

“I’m reasonably sure he was a soldier, but, I need my sergeants to take a look at him before I can verify that,” Cullen reported, standing up. “One of them would recognise him.”

“This matter calls for a discreet approach.” Leliana was emphatic. “Until we know what we are dealing with, I would recommend the number of people who are aware of this be held to an absolute minimum. Could you ensure their silence?”

“Absolutely, that will not be an issue,” Cullen assured her. “Does the Ambassador know?” he inquired.

Leliana gave a slight smile. “She does, but chooses to leave the actual investigation to us. _‘As long as you identify the culprit before the negotiations, then I can breathe again’_ were the words she used. I would further suggest we discover more before we advise the Inquisitor, if only to stop her deciding to dive in and solve it herself.” 

“I agree,” he declared. “She does have an inclination to do that.” All too often, he thought. “Alright. I’ll come up with a reason to call them together, so we don’t rouse suspicion. It should be easy in light of the upcoming talks.”

Leliana nodded in acknowledgement. “Yes, if this is an infiltration, we must be wary so as not to tip off the perpetrator.”

Cullen stood up. “I’ll get on it straight away.” He rounded to go. 

“What went wrong?” she inquired, matter-of-factly.

Cullen understood what she was asking. He paused and turned back. “Do we actually need to get into this now?” he groaned testily.

Her face was emotionless, but her tone quietly demanding. “Cullen, anything that influences the Inquisition becomes more than a personal affair. You look drained and are tetchier than normal. Josephine is convinced the Inquisitor is ill, even though she maintains it’s just fatigue. As much as she is my friend and you are my colleague, yours and her wellbeing impact on the Inquisition’s performance.”

Leliana’s expression softened. “I am also personally responsible for being party to the idea.” She sighed. “What happened?”

Cullen rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. Although loath to have to revisit the events, Leliana made a legitimate point. What transpired between him and Kai did matter because of the consequences on their positions. He plumped for a concise summary.

“She came up with an alternative plan. She’s not returning to Ostwick once this is over, and not intending to inform her father until then. Also, she...” he hesitated, this part was still uncomfortable. “...said she wasn’t ready to give me an answer. Words...were exchanged. It was...not pleasant.”

“Oh, I see.” Her face had a somewhat puzzled frown, doubtless not even she was expecting this turn of events. “At least she had the sense not to give everything up now. But, I did expect she would agree to our idea. I’m sorry Cullen.”

“What do mean give _everything_ up?” he inquired.

“If she refuses to return, she will be disowned as well as forfeit her title. Her father isn’t the pleasantest of men, somewhat autocratic in fact. His emphasis in the letter is a veiled threat. He would consider a refusal poorly and likely issue an ultimatum. If she did not acquiesce to his request, let’s just say there would be no negotiation. She wanted to do it when we talked with her, but I managed to persuade her not to.” Leliana was observing him keenly. 

Cullen hadn’t appreciated that she would give up her family by not returning. She hinted at giving up her title, not mentioning it directly, but that was what he assumed. “I didn’t realise it would lead to that,” he announced quietly. 

“Kai wouldn’t have made the decision lightly, and there’ll be no changing her mind now.” Leliana sighed. “She can be remarkably practical, I just wish she’d give up these romantic notions she gets into her head occasionally.” She shook her head sadly.

Cullen exhaled; the same expression he’d used with Kai, romantic notions. What astonished him was Leliana’s frankness. Kai persistently denied she was anything of the sort. In his outrage, he presumed she was being manipulative, but foolishness seemed an apter description now. Why else would she have made that vow to herself to wait for someone? And wait she did, for a decade. The woman had commitment; that much was undeniable. Leliana was correct, once she came to a decision, she would stand by it. 

Nevertheless, he didn’t know where all this left them. Kai looked unwell when he saw her earlier, pale skin and puffy, red eyes. He couldn’t help but feel for her, because whatever else occurred, he loved her. Yesterday both of them crossed a line, wounding each other, and breaking trust. 

Before he left, Kai was obviously trying to apologise, albeit awkwardly. The least he could do was reciprocate, but he feared that it wouldn’t be sufficient. Suspicions on both sides were likely to remain.

However, right now he and Leliana had a perpetrator to identify, and his focus should be on that. “We should get moving on our investigation,” he informed her.

“Come and see me when you have a name,” she requested. 

“As soon as I do, you will be the first to know,” he asserted.

Cullen headed back to his office to arrange a meeting with his sergeants. Apart from the occasional fights, to be expected with so many individuals in Skyhold now, there had been nothing like this. They needed to get to the bottom of it before the monarchs of two previously warring nations turned up on their doorstep. The fact this happened now, so close to the peace negotiations made him apprehensive. Like Josephine, he’d breathe easier once this crime was solved.

\------------------------------------------------

“...so that’s where matters stand at the moment,” Kai sighed. It wasn’t the finest explanation of what took place between her and Cullen, but it was all she could muster in the circumstances. 

“Maker, Kiki,” Lyssa added her own deep exhale, peering at Kai sadly. “It’s a bit of a mess, isn’t it?”

“Tell me about it,” she groaned.

“You know, you actually are a silly sod sometimes. He loves you and offers to do that for you, and you want to wait to be better for him?” Lyssa shook her head, tutting.

“It does sound foolish when you put it like that,” Kai admitted, scratching her head.

“It wouldn’t have worked with Papa though,” Lyssa told her.

Kai’s eyebrows met in a perplexed frown. “Why not?”

“Kai, you’re a Trevelyan, never mind the...you know. To be honest, I don’t think he ever thought you would wed, but _if_ you did, the old fart would nevertheless expect some sort of title, however minor. He’d never approve of a commoner,” Lyssa explained. 

“But, I always assumed it didn’t matter, Ama said...” Kai always understood she had a choice, her choice.

Lyssa took Kai’s hand. “Ama’s gone, Kai. You had two great blows, and I think she wished to give you something to hope for. Maybe if she’d lived, she might have been able to...but honestly I wouldn’t have wagered on it. Papa’s worse than he ever was. I always considered he and Wilhelm were like peas in a pod, but even Wilhelm is almost reasonable in comparison now. Oh, Wilhelm wanted me say thank you for him. That woman you sent, Lady Helmi, she was wonderful he declared.” 

That was something else she wished she’d known. All these years she presumed she was free to make a choice. How many more long held certainties would be proved false? And the idea of marrying Cullen to save her wouldn’t have achieved its aim after all...

Lyssa nudged her. “Kai?”

“Sorry, was reflecting,” she responded.

Lyssa squeezed her hand. “I would have taken over for you, but I’m not sure I wish to return now. Being away from both Anton and Papa, I prefer it.” She sighed. “Question is, what happens to the girls and myself? Papa will disown me if I don’t do what he demands. You have skills, but me...I’ve only ever had one purpose.”

Kai leant against her sister’s shoulder. “After this is over, you can live with me. I have enough put aside to support the four of us for a while. And I can always go back to my former profession, but as an independent. I’ve connections of my own, and maybe I could even work in Orlais now. I did save the Empress’s life, after all,” she smiled. 

“And if that doesn’t work out, maybe I could join the Chargers, my fighting skills are much better,” she quipped.

Lyssa shook her head, grinning, “Can you imagine Papa’s face if you became a mercenary? He’d pass out from the shock. Disowned or no.”

Kai chuckled; he would positively have a fit.

Lyssa’s face became thoughtful. “You haven’t mentioned Cullen,” she observed.

That bleak mood was bleeding in again. “I truly don’t know where we go from here, Lys. I think I’ve pushed him too far...” she sighed. “...and neither of us can take back what was said. At least I can apologise so we have a reasonable work relationship.”

“Kiki, you were ever the romantic,” Lyssa ruffled Kai’s hair

“Why does everyone say that?” she grumbled. 

“Ten years, Kai, ten years,” she replied unequivocally. “Need I say more?”

Kai huffed, but didn’t answer, mainly because she knew Lyssa was right, however much she sought to persuade herself otherwise. “Anyway, what about you? How did you eventually catch him?”

Lyssa’s face became sour, as if the words she had to speak were both unpalatable and painful.

“Anton was finally careless. He fell in love with a younger woman. Only nineteen and...” Lyssa swallowed, and sniffed, before continuing, head held higher, “...she’s expecting his child. If it’s a boy, well, that’s what he invariably wanted, and what I never granted him.” She halted. “Trust me, I’m pleased to get shot of the conniving bastard, but I could have done without being humiliated in the process.”

“Oh, Lys,” Kai sympathised.

She stared aside. “Twelve years, Kai, twelve years I had to deal with that piece of shit. Quite frankly, she’s welcome to him. You know the moment I made the decision I had a sense of relief as if a mist lifted. The annulment should pass shortly; he’s not even bothering to oppose it. Evidently he can’t get rid of me fast enough either. At least I have the girls, and can be a stronger parent for them without him. They won’t have all the trappings, but that isn’t what truly matters.” 

Lyssa looked back Kai. “And Papa can go screw himself too. I’m not some bargaining chip anymore," she continued resolutely.

“Welcome home, Lyly,” Kai replied gently, spotting a familiar smirk break out. 

Both of them shifted to watch Eri and Cassie again, batting away a little awkwardly, while Bull patiently corrected their postures and movements. The beams on the girls’ faces said it all, this was fun; this was something Anton wouldn’t have tolerated, so it was doubly fun for Lyssa. And they loved being around Bull. 

Kai had a thought.

“Lys?”

“Yes?”

“When was the last time you trained?” 

“Years ago, not since...Maker’s mercy, you’re not challenging me to...?” Lyssa exclaimed.

“You always beat me before, I just thought maybe this time I might stand a chance,” Kai grinned.

“A chance? Listen to yourself. Me go up against the mighty Inquisitor?” Lyssa paused. “Then again, grant me some practice, and maybe I will give you a pasting. I’m still fit. Then again, I may fail horribly too,” she chuckled.

Both of them were laughing now. Lyssa always beat Kai in their matches; she was quicker on her feet and more adept at spotting opportunities.

“Inquisitor!” Someone was calling her

Kai glanced up to see one of Cullen’s soldiers. “Yes?”

“The Commander has requested to see you,” he notified her. 

“Oh, right,” she responded, a little unwillingly. “Lys, I need to see Cullen, I’ll catch up with you.”

“Sure, Kai. On your best,” she grinned as Kai followed the soldier.

‘On your best’ was Ama’s phrase meaning don’t do anything inappropriate; or naughty when they were children. Lyssa was telling her don’t make it worse. Kai rolled her eyes at her sister.

She wondered what he needed to see her about, surely he wouldn’t have summoned her to talk? No, that wasn’t his style. Maybe it was something to do with earlier when he was called away? Perhaps he wished to provide information on what was happening. Whatever it was she had focus on her composure before she got to him. No more fumbling, no more foolishness, she had to be sensible. 

They came to the top of the stairs and started their trek along the battlements. At the derelict tower before Cullen’s, the soldier allowed her to pass through first, indicating forward respectfully. Kai nodded in thanks and strolled in. On your best, Kai, on your best, just remember that. She recited the phrase like a mantra.

Barely halfway through the tower she was abruptly conscious of the soldier directly behind her. Something flashed before her eyes as it was flipped over her head and jerked around her throat. 

“Corypheus will prevail,” he hissed at her. “You will not stand in the way of destined power.”

In that instant, she recognised she was in trouble. She couldn’t cry out, couldn’t scream for help. 

He drew the ligature tighter around her neck, and her vision began narrowing as her airway became constricted. Kai realised she had scant time before she became unconscious. She had to try to delay him long enough for aid to arrive; Cullen always had someone shadow her. Time, she needed time...

Kai reached down for her side dagger, but there was nothing there. She had no weapon on her. In her foggy state that morning she neglected to put it on. Damn it, he was too powerful to fight off, and she would waste time struggling. But she did have the Anchor. Kai slapped her palm against his leg and activated the Anchor. 

If she could harm him sufficiently to compel him to relax the stranglehold, she might be able to gulp some air. It was risky; if she couldn’t control the intensity, she could end up opening a rift and sucking both of them in. She didn’t wish to revisit the experience of being in the Fade. But if she didn’t try she was dead anyhow.

As a shroud of red descended before her eyes, and everything seemed to slow down, she realised she was running out of time. It was now a battle between holding on or passing out. If she lost consciousness, she was dead. His hold lessened slightly, but not enough. Kai needed to power up the Anchor more, but her exhausted body was giving up the struggle. She felt herself weakening, slipping, she couldn’t hold on. 

Too late...not enough, she thought as the world went dark, and she lost consciousness.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saved for the second time by Cole, Kai rests after the attack on her life. Cullen and Leliana investigate the assassination attempt and discover something unexpected.  
> .  
> .

As Kai came to, and the fear kicked in, she went to activate the Anchor, but felt a hand on her arm and heard a calm voice. 

“Stop, you’re safe,” Cole reassured her.

She quickly powered down the Anchor.

Her vision clearing, she glanced at him and around the tower. The assailant was lying lifeless on the floor and Cole was crouched beside her. Kai had never been so overjoyed to see his face. Standing nearby was one of Cullen’s soldiers, but this one she recognised. It was Sadler, one of her shadowers. 

“Oh Inquisitor, thank the Maker you’re alive. The Commander would have my head if you had...I’m so sorry, but I got held up, one of the mages had a turn and I had to fetch help. I...” the stream of words ceased as she took a deep breath. 

She was alive, she was actually alive. And Kai could guess who that was thanks to. The panic subsiding, supplanted by briefly by relief, she began to feel the pain. Her hand moved to her neck, it was tight and tender, and she had a heavy, aching head. But mostly she wanted to get out of the tower, to be anywhere else but here. She tried to stand up, but was unsteady. Before Kai could ask, an arm reached around and supported her. Wobbling slightly, she shifted her foot to adjust her weight. She needed a healer.

“Sadler,” she said, her voice shaky and guttural. “Please bring Solas to Cullen’s office.” The tightness and discomfort made it difficult to talk, so she had to use her voice sparingly.

Sadler’s eyes widened. “Inquisitor, I shouldn’t...”

“I’ll protect her, she needs help,” Cole interrupted.

“Alright then,” Sadler replied, still sounding a little uncertain. 

Sadler headed in the direction of Cullen’s tower, and as Kai and Cole followed on, she saw her dash across the bridge. Cullen’s office was empty, but that was understandable, he was no doubt organising for the negotiations. Everything revolved around these talks now. Cole helped her onto the chair, weakness creeping in after the effort of walking that short distance. 

“You saved...”

“Yes,” Cole responded. “I always hear you.”

He’d said that to her before, after Haven when he discovered her flat on her face in the snow. Back then she didn’t understand, but now she did. ‘People have to need me’ he informed her. Well, having your life in peril was as serious a need as they came. And no one moved like Cole, or as rapidly. 

“Thank you,” she smiled wanly, receiving a slight acknowledgment.

Kai closed her eyes as they waited. This was the fourth time she cheated death, how many more chances could she conceivably have. But this was the first time she was directly attacked, and in her own home. The one place she had considered secure. Wrong, so wrong to be complacent. Being a target meant nowhere was safe, and she had to recognise that. She couldn’t rely solely on others to protect her; she had to be responsible for her own safety too. That meant being armed at all times, and not neglecting to ensure she was whatever her state of mind.

She heard the door, and Kai opened her eyes to see Solas, and behind him Cullen and Sadler. As Solas came over to her, she looked at Sadler.

“Please fetch the Spymaster and Ambassador,” she directed, her speech still ailing.

Sadler glanced at Cullen who nodded an agreement, and then she left. 

“Assassin, sought to strangle me. Cole saved me,” she declared.

“Yes, Sadler told us,” Cullen replied.

Cullen’s face was full of concern, but right now there was no time for worrying. Right now she needed them to identify how this occurred, and was there anyone else involved. With Alistair and Celene arriving, Skyhold had to be ready and secure for them. They all had to focus on that task. Kai forced aside the lingering fear and put on her mask, she had to be the Inquisitor. Personal fears and emotions could come later.

“Inquisitor, I need to remove your scarf so I can examine your injuries,” Solas told her, placid as usual.

Kai nodded her consent, and he began. As he touched her neck she flinched slightly, and felt him pause before proceeding. She stared back at Cullen, he was watching Solas, but then glanced up catching her gaze.

“Maybe Venatori, disguised as a soldier,” she notified him plainly.

“Right” he answered, frowning, his hand at the back of his neck. He didn’t sound surprised. “We discovered a body earlier, and just identified it as one of our soldiers. Now we know why he was slain.” Kai thought she picked up a slight hesitation in his tone.

“How do you feel, Inquisitor,” asked Solas, breaking in.

“Neck painful, headache, shaky and drained,” she described. 

“To be expected after attempted strangulation. The damage is not serious, but you will require rest.” He lifted his hand and she sensed the wave of magic as he wielded his healing skill. “You are extremely lucky Cole intervened when he did.”

Kai glanced up appreciatively at Cole. “I know.” 

She thought she detected the faint glimmer of a smile, but couldn’t be certain. The pain receded as Solas eased it. It would return, but for now she was thankful for the respite. 

“There, that should help,” he stated. “I’ll come back and check again subsequently. I would propose that for now you remain here and rest. I’m sure the Commander wouldn’t object,” he continued, glancing at Cullen.

“Not at all, as long as the Inquisitor needs,” Cullen agreed readily.

That suited Kai, her own room seemed too far to reach right now, and she didn’t wish people to see her struggling. This assassination attempt had to remain secret, and be handled quietly. The last thing they needed was for panic to spread. 

“Solas, I would be grateful if this remains confidential,” she requested, her voice still raw. At least it was more comfortable to talk.

“I understand, and of course,” he confirmed, acknowledging her appeal.

“Thank you,” she responded as he stood up. “And thank you for taking care of me.”

A wry smile crossed his lips. “Patching you up does seem to have become one of my duties,” he responded casually.

Normally Kai would have laughed, but she honestly didn’t feel like it at the moment. She substituted a slight smile instead and watched as he left. She heard Cullen.

“Cole, could you give...”

“Yes,” he answered. Cole stepped up to Cullen “It’s not your fault,” he added quietly, but not quietly enough so she couldn’t hear. Before leaving, he glanced at Kai. Cole said nothing, but she understood he would show up if she called for him, an implicit commitment.

When the door shut, Cullen came over and crouched before her. “I’m sorry, I should have been here. I should have stopped...”

“It’s not your fault, Cole was correct. We can’t keep an eye on everyone. Especially not with all this negotiation stuff going on. And I should have been more attentive and better armed,” Kai insisted, her face soft.

“But it’s my responsibility to...” Cullen was cut off by the door opening and promptly stood up.

Leliana and Josephine entered hurriedly, dashing up to her. Kai raised her palm to stop them. 

“I’m alright, I just require rest. What is imperative is to discover out how he got in and how he got to one of our own...” Kai saw Leliana dart a glance at Cullen. “...and if anyone else is involved. I understand we’re overstretched and there is little time before Alistair and Celene arrive. Maybe it was simply me he was after, but I need to be clear that is the situation. It’s too late to cancel the negotiations, so securing their safety is paramount. And we have to maintain this as low key as possible, only those who have to know should be informed.”

Kai’s gaze swung between the three of them, awaiting an answer. There were glances amongst them, and then affirmation of her directions. 

“Thank you,” she responded, in a manner indicating they were dismissed. 

Josephine appeared a little perplexed before she left. Leliana stayed, looking pensive. 

“Kai, are you...?”

“We can consider my health afterwards. Right now this is urgent. I’m alive, and protected. Don’t worry.” Her manner was steady as was the smile.

“Very well. Cullen and I will make the investigation a priority,” she confirmed. 

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Kai blinked and nodded gently. “Could you let Lys know I’ll catch up with her another time. I don’t want her fretting. I’ll...explain when I see her.”

“Of course I will,” Leliana nodded, before addressing Cullen, “I’ll be in Josephine’s office.” With that she disappeared too.

Kai wanted to rest, needed to be alone. The strain was starting to tell. Little sleep, exhaustion, frayed nerves and an attack on her life weren’t a healthy combination. All she wanted was to curl up someplace safe and try to sleep, if she could. She had one last favour to request, and one last task to do before that. 

“Cullen, if you don’t mind, could I make use of your loft. I’d like to try to sleep,” she asked looking up at him.

“Of course you can,” he assured her, his eyes tender. “Do you need help?”

“Please, I think I might,” she replied.

Cullen helped her up, and they started climbing the ladder. Halfway up, she stumbled, the weakness kicking in, but luckily Cullen caught her. Between the two of them they finally managed to reach his loft. She parked herself on the bed, snagging the other pillow, doubling them to support her head, and lay down. Cullen pulled the blanket over her and sat next to her on the bed. 

He held her hand in his gloved palms, peering at it. “You could have...” his voice trembled a little.

“I didn’t, and I’m alive,” she consoled him. “Let’s just focus on sorting this out.”

He lifted his head, gazing keenly at her. “I won’t let this happen again, you have my word.”

“I know,” she acknowledged, settling her other hand on his. She stared into his eyes and swallowed somewhat uneasily. 

It was time to give him that apology. “Cullen, I can’t take back what I said last night, I wish I could. You’re a good man, and I should have shown you more respect than I did. I wanted to say sorry, it was unworthy of me when all you wished to do was help.”

Cullen smiled wistfully. “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have spoken as I did either, I was...angry,” he sighed.

“We both were. I just needed you to know I regret what I said,” she disclosed.

“So do I,” he responded softly. 

“Right now there’s too much to do, our focus needs to be elsewhere. Maybe when all the commotion has died down, we can talk further?” she proposed. Kai tried to make her tone gentle, but she still rasped. It sounded more like low growling. Just when she had the words, she didn’t have the voice.

“Alright,” he agreed.

“Cullen, I need to rest now,” Kai smiled weakly.

“Of course,” he acknowledged.

Kai pulled her hands away, and he rose, clearing his throat. The Commander now spoke. “I’ll assign guards to each door, with instructions to only let the three of us in, and Solas.”

“And Cole,” she added. 

“And Cole” Cullen repeated.

“Thank you.”

She watched as he headed to the ladder then looked back. The way he studied her, she wondered what he might say, but then appeared to change his mind. 

“I’ll check on you in a while. Get some sleep.” He started his way down the ladder.

She heard him reach the bottom, and the door shut as he left. Kai tugged the blanket over her head and tucked up tight. Only now did she abandon the mask, the control, and sobbed softly, shaking with each intake of breath. She was scared that if she let go altogether, she couldn’t claw her way back. Soothing words and kindness were not what she needed; she needed distance to stay strong. But she had to let the fear out a little, at her own pace. 

Eventually the tears abated, and she sank into an uneasy sleep.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was some hours afterward when Cullen returned to his office. They talked with the deceased man’s superior and one of his comrades, as well as Sadler and Fiona. A picture emerged, as yet incomplete, but they had a theory about what happened. The Inquisitor looked to be the intended target.

They also had yet to track down the collaborator, one of the mages, Linnea, hitherto from the Circle at Ostwick. She was a vocal advocate of mage freedom, condemning Chantry control and Templars. That wasn’t remarkable in itself, others thought that way. But her actions demonstrated that her views went further, sympathising with the Venatori, perhaps she was even a mole. It raised the question of how many more hidden sympathisers might there be amongst the mages.

Bryant, the dead soldier, was a gullible, easily led man, but trustworthy. Linnea had established a relationship with him, and they presumed she was the one who lured him to the isolated room in the cellar where her accomplice was waiting. She matched the description of the mage who waylaid Sadler, purporting to be unwell and appealing for aid. What they hadn’t bargained for was Cole, who saved Kai, yet again. 

The accomplice was a mystery, most likely Venatori, and they presumed he would have arrived disguised as a refugee. But how long he’d been amongst them, they had no idea. Leliana suspected that their focus on investigating those connected with the talks allowed the conspirators an opening. A narrow window of opportunity, but apparently sufficient. 

They could have lost the Inquisitor. And he could have lost the woman he loved. 

Cullen climbed the ladder to his loft. Kai was asleep, but the blanket had been shuffled down, and she was curled up in a ball. He pulled the blanket back up to cover her, and stood watching. They’d spent more nights apart than together, but she was invariably more peaceful with him than she was now. Except when he woke her with his nightmares, but then she would soothe him.

The woman he saw earlier wasn’t capable of soothing herself, let alone anyone else. Until today, he hadn’t been entirely aware of how she held her hands when she composed herself. Today, her fear trickled through. In his office her hands twitched, in contrast to her almost emotionless expression as she addressed the three of them.

When she apologised to him, her face was collected, but she clasped his hands tightly. He could see she wasn’t conscious of doing it. Her words were designed to distance him, but her hands revealed the opposite, she was clinging onto him. 

Kai was scared and suffering, forcing herself to carry on. If he pressed her now, she would withdraw from him. Cullen recognised the signs of trauma, they were all too familiar. With Kai, her emotions were either on the surface or she was consistently calm, not painfully repressed as he saw today. He had to let go, allow her the space she needed, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be there for her. 

Even after what happened between them, she had been there for him when he needed her, he would give no less in return. Wherever things led was immaterial now, just getting through whatever lay ahead should be their focus. Cullen sat on the bed next to her. Her plait was coming unravelled, her hair partially covering her face. He removed his glove and tenderly pushed it aside, caressing her head as he did. She didn’t stir, apparently deeply asleep now, so he kissed her softly on the cheek. 

There was still plenty to do, but for now she needed sleep. Cullen stood, and then strode to the ladder, with one last glance before he headed downstairs. As he returned to his desk, the door opened and one of guards called in.

“There’s a messenger to see you, Ser.”

“Send him in,” Cullen indicated, seeing Jim at the door.

He passed over a note, and Cullen thanked him before he left. It was from Leliana. They had found Linnea, and she was now detained in one of Skyhold’s cells. Cullen went to find the Spymaster.

\------------------------------------------------------------------ 

Cullen and Leliana walked into the courtyard from the cells. Leliana glanced around before speaking, her voice low and urgent.

“We have to tell her, we cannot keep this from her. That woman will taunt the Inquisitor when she sees her,” she insisted emphatically. “Whatever she is going through now, she has to know. And yes, I’m quite aware she’s pretending. I taught her those skills, remember.”

Cullen rubbed his forehead in frustration. “I realise that, but this could do even more harm. Maker preserve us all!” he exclaimed.

Either way, there would be repercussions, there was no avoiding that. What started as an investigation into the attempted assassination of the Inquisitor was drawing in ramifications from the Mage-Templar war and the collapse of the Circles. They assumed it was mostly behind them after Haven, and their defeat of Corypheus’ intentions at Adamant and Halamshiral. It manifestly wasn’t in this instance, and this time it affected the Inquisitor personally.

Leliana looked at him. “Cullen, I know her. She’s stronger than you think, I suspect stronger than even I know. Remember how she used to be, and consider where she is now, and what she’s come back from.”

Cullen sighed. “Granted, but none of it has touched her quite as directly as this. Anyone, not just her, would find it challenging. And how can she make an impartial judgement?”

“Do you think any judgement she’s made has been impartial? How many second chances has she allowed because that is her natural inclination? One death sentence, just one. Erimond. And solely because she was concerned how it would appear if she made him Tranquil. Everybody else has been granted a second chance to redeem themselves somehow. In another person’s hands, I believe more judgements would have ended in a death sentence.” Arms folded, Leliana’s hand tapped her arm lightly in time with her remarks.

Evidently Kai wasn’t the only one who could give things away. Now he was becoming distracted staring at people’s hands. He should focus on the actual issue, the information they obtained from Linnea.

“She’s still in your quarters, yes?” Leliana inquired.

“Yes, I left her sleeping soundly,” Cullen responded.

The briefest of smiles passed over her face. “Cullen, never slow to kindness, are you?”

“I...” he felt a slight blush in his face. “...just made sure she was alright. Someone did attempt to assassinate her,” he countered, clearing his throat.

“I know,” she accepted. Her face took on a determined aspect. “We should talk to her; tell her what we’ve found out.”

“Now?” he frowned. 

“Yes, this matter needs to be cleared up as soon as possible. If we leave this too long, it’s no good for anyone, least of all her.” Leliana stared at him pointedly. 

It didn’t matter what he suggested, she had that expression; she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Cullen was uncomfortable, but part of him realised she was correct. The sooner it was out of the way, the sooner the Inquisitor could place it behind her, hopefully.

“I hope you’re right. Alright, let’s do this,” he conceded. 

“Good.”

“We should get her some tea first.” 

Cullen saw her lifted eyebrow and groaned. “She’ll need fluids,” he added to clarify his thinking. 

“Of course, Commander,” she nodded. The smile was longer this time.

The two of them made their way to the kitchens.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Kai was sitting up in Cullen’s bed, sipping tea, while Leliana and Cullen recounted the outcome of their investigation. 

She was thankful for the tea, it was soothing on her throat, now dry from hours of sleep, and doubtless the crying before. But sleep had helped recover her energy if not her mental fortitude just yet. 

Kai recognised who she owed for the tea, and the fact she eventually managed to sleep. Cullen, for the tea and his bed, for the sleep. His bed that bore his scent that reminded her of him. No matter what took place between them, he was always safety to her. And after what went on earlier, it made all the difference. 

Kai listened as they described their interview with Linnea, and how she admitted to her part in the attempted assassination, and the murder of one of their own, Bryant. Then she saw the hesitation, and the glances between them. 

Leliana’s face became impassive, her voice steady. “There is one other matter. She has admitted to...”

Cullen’s eyebrows shot up as he stared at Leliana, and she flashed a slightly reproving glance in response. 

“... she has made a claim that she was involved in... your brother’s death when the Ostwick Circle fell,” she concluded.

Kai sat there for a minute, blinking at the two of them, the revelation not fully registering at first.

“Wait, she told you that she killed Max?” she finally responded, needing to ensure that was what she understood.

“Yes,” confirmed Leliana.

Kai tapped her fingers against the side of the mug, an intense anger threatening to burst through. If she had slain her brother...no, Kai needed to be positive. 

“Tell me how she recounted it,” Kai said brusquely.

“She, with a group of apprentices tried to secure the key to the basement, to loot the artefacts and banned books, a key stored in the First Enchanter’s office. The Circle had fallen, there were only a handful of Enchanters left, a few Templar-Recruits, the First Enchanter, Lydia, and the Knight-Commander, Max,” Leliana told Kai.

“He was only Knight-Commander because the actual one walked out. Left Max to pick up the pieces,” she growled.

Kai realised and glanced at Cullen, her face easing. She hadn’t meant to remind him of Kirkwall, but he seemed more concerned about her reaction.

“Sorry, please go on,” she continued. 

“Lydia and Max sought to block them. The situation escalated, the group attacked, some with blood magic...”

Kai knew this story. Orla, one of the Templar-Recruits who escaped, came to them. Max was an honourable man, she informed them, treated them well, glad that they remained even though they had no effective means to block magic, not having taken their vows yet. 

“...overwhelmed and killed them, gaining their prize. After that no one confronted them.”

Kai nodded, it fitted the description they received. Ama was so heartbroken; she had a soft spot for Max. He was probably the most like her. Kai never knew him that well. He was shipped off for instruction when she was still very young. Growing up, she and Lyssa stuck together, both of them arriving a little later than the boys.

“And she told you this, voluntarily?” Kai questioned, glancing between them.

“In a manner of speaking,” Cullen answered, still observing her.

“In a...what does that mean? Cullen?” she demanded, frowning. 

Again Cullen and Leliana darted looks at each other. 

“For the love of...” Kai groaned.

“She was boasting... said she almost got herself a brace of Trevelyans,” he disclosed reluctantly.

“Brace...as in hunting game?!” she exclaimed sharply.

“Yes,” he replied, his hand at the back of his neck.

Kai closed her eyes, thinking. This woman admitted, no boasted, about being party to killing their soldier, murdering her brother, and almost killing her. Inhaling deeply to still herself, she opened her eyes. Kai had given the mages another chance, and in so doing, invited her brother’s killer into the fold, presenting this woman with the opportunity to kill her and take the life of one of their volunteers.

She couldn’t let any of this stand. 

“I would be grateful if you could bring me a change of clothes and the Inquisitor’s sword. I will render judgement on Linnea. She will be permitted to argue her case, although her admissions accuse her already,” she announced.

“Inquisitor...” Cullen began.

“I appreciate what you wish to say, Cullen. Yes I am angry, and yes I would want to kill her for my brother. That is why I require the two of you there, to prevent me from losing my temper with her, because that is highly possible,” she growled, her voice cracking up as the volume increased. 

Maker, she shouldn’t be trying to shout, it was making her throat worse, but the emotions were seething inside her now. Kai took a deep breath, clutching the mug tightly.

“And we can all agree that would not be prudent,” she went on, lowering her voice, and tempering her tone.

“Indeed,” Leliana affirmed strongly. 

She sat on the bed, her tone softening. “Kai, listen to me. I will fetch what you need, but please try to settle yourself. This is a judgement and you have to observe procedure. There will be a Templar present in case she seeks to harm you. He cannot see you angry like this, taking vengeance. You have been compassionate in the past, even against those that sought to kill you, don’t forget. Max’s murder cannot be part of this. We needed you to know because she will use it against you. The only things you can judge her for are the murder of Bryant and the assassination attempt on yourself.”

Kai scratched her head, it wasn’t going to be easy. “I’ll try,” she sighed. 

“Good,” Leliana patted her cheek tenderly. 

She rose and Kai watched her leave before looking to Cullen. He stood there, arms folded, a slight frown on his face.

“Are you planning to advise me to compose myself too?” she asked quietly.

“No, although Leliana is correct,” he answered.

“Oh,” she said surprised.

He sat down beside her, in the same spot Leliana vacated, removing the now empty mug from her and placing it on the floor. 

Cullen took hold of her hands, watching her as he spoke. “I understand what you’re going through, the desire to punish and seek vengeance as Leliana said. I know the fury, fear and pain you’re feeling. Kai I’ve been in that position, wanting those responsible for your suffering to suffer in return. It’s always destructive in the end, don’t let it overwhelm you. Make your judgment, but for the right reasons, and leave it behind when you do, as you always have.”

“I know. You’re right. You both are. It’s just...I invited her here because I chose the mages. Gave shelter to my brother’s killer. I should have listened to you before, I should have chosen the Templars,” she admitted, her voice revealing the regret and resentment she felt.

“Listen to me,” Cullen said adamantly. “Yes, of course I would have preferred you choose the Templars, I don’t deny that. But after what you found in Redcliffe, even I couldn’t overlook the severity of the situation. You made the best choice in the circumstances. Stop second guessing yourself.” 

Cullen was correct, what was done was done, and at the time they couldn’t ignore what was happening in Redcliffe. Kai was looking at it with hindsight. But she still felt that she’d let down her brother through her choice. Kai gave him a slight smile. Cullen smiled back. 

“Thank you,” she said. “Always so practical. What...”

The door opened, and a voice called up, “Commander, there’s a messenger here to see you.”

“I should see to that,” he declared, letting go of her hands. “I will come back,” he reassured her.

Kai nodded. “Ok.” 

What would I do without you, was what she wanted to say to him. But the moment had passed, and perhaps rightly so. In her present state of mind, seeking to solve too many things would be a bad idea. And what she had to mend with Cullen required patience and considered thought, two elements lacking in her right now. Too many times she’d rushed with him, this time it had be to done properly.

The door closed, and she heard him climbing up. He had a smile on his face when he appeared.

“Good news?” she inquired.

“Confirmation from the patrol tracking that suspicious caravan. They followed it to its destination and found Red Templars. Samson was there, and they saw Maddox reviewing the contents as they offloaded the wagon. We’ve found Samson’s headquarters. We have him,” he announced, sounding pleased as he grasped the note in his hand.

“Well done, Cullen,” she replied.

“Thank you, but we still need to go after him. The sooner the better. When the talks are over, we should head out. If you...” a note of worry now seeped in as he spoke.

“We should, you’re right. And we will, as soon as they’re finished, we’ll go after him,” she agreed. He was concerned about her, but this needed to be resolved.

“I’ll put together a squadron to accompany us. This time I’m coming with you.” From his face, she knew he would brook no argument, and she wouldn’t have protested anyway.

“Welcome aboard, Commander,” she acknowledged. Kai remembered something from back in Haven, back from when she used to tease Cullen. “You get to be my conventional companion after all.”

For a moment he was baffled, trying to figure out what she meant. Then she saw the realisation. First there was a groan, and then he grinned. “I think the roles are a little more blurred now, Inquisitor. And you made a joke.”

“I did, didn’t I,” she answered, a little shyly. “Perhaps there’s hope for me yet.”

“Was that in doubt?” he inquired.

Before she could respond, the door opened again, and Leliana called to them, before climbing up. As Cullen took the clothes from her, and passed them to Kai, he squeezed her hand.

“You can do this,” he encouraged her gently.

Kai blinked in reply, with a smile. Yes she could, it wouldn’t be pleasant or easy, but she had to do it. Cullen joined Leliana in his office. As Kai picked up the fresh clothes, she spotted a small pouch on top. Opening it, she discovered a vial of perfume. Something else to help her to get by, another layer of comfort for her frayed and battered self. As Kai undressed, another thought occurred to her, and she sniffed the clothes she was wearing. Perhaps practical considerations factored into Leliana’s decision too. A tiny giggle slipped from her lips. 

What would she do without both of them?

\-----------------------------------------------------------

“Linnea, is there anything you choose to present in your defence?” Leliana asked standing to the left of Kai as Cullen stood to her right.

Linnea laughed. “Defence? Why should I have to defend myself? Everyone knows how weak you are,” she taunted staring at Kai. “All this will be swept aside when Corypheus crushes this Inquisition into the dust where it belongs. Render your judgement. I’ll still be here when you are gone,” she derided.

Kai’s tone was dispassionate, her authority firmly in place. “Conspiracy to murder on two accounts, and conspiring with the enemy is more than sufficient, Linnea. I’ve seen the world you think will be better, and it’s not. You want mages to be free, well in that world, no one would be free. You have no desire to reform or redeem yourself. The sentence is...death by my hand.”

Linnea’s face fell, as fear momentarily bled in and a strangled gasp escaped her lips. The guards brought her forward, her hands shackled, placing her before Kai in a kneeling position. Cullen and Leliana stepped back.

Then hatred took the place of fear as she spat her final words at Kai. “Your brother...begged for his life before we killed him, Inquisitor.”

Kai stooped down, and whispered, “Trevelyans never beg,” then lifting the two-hander she removed Linnea’s head from her body, and sheathed the sword.

Kai turned to her Advisors, “Make sure she gets a pyre,” she instructed. “And thank you both,” she added respectfully. 

“Inquisitor,” they responded in unison.

Kai walked back to her quarters. It was finished. Only her second execution, because she invariably sought to give people a second chance. She had passed a judgement on the crimes set forth and carried it out. 

But she knew in her heart it was for Max too. _It was vengeance, and she regretted nothing._


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Peace Talks Day 1 Pt1
> 
> The Ferelden and Orlesian parties arrive at Skyhold, and Kai reconnects with another old friend. Cullen makes Kai an offer to help with the after effects of the attempt on her life.  
> .  
> .

As they stood waiting Kai adjusted her footing, trying to minimise the strain. Yesterday, the day before the talks commenced, she had to go and twist her right ankle. Not seriously, but sufficient to be uncomfortable, and enough to give her a minor limp. She heard a cough behind her and twisted her head to see Leliana with a slight smile and a knowing stare.

Kai sighed. “Yes I know it wasn’t altogether a sensible idea. You can say I told you so.”

“I told you so,” Leliana lilted. “You did issue the challenge as I understand. Lyssa merely took you up on it.”

“Ugh...I’m never going to live this down am I?” Kai groaned.

“Perhaps a rematch may even the score?” Josephine suggested.

Kai stared at her suspiciously. “Were the odds Varric offered the first time not profitable enough, Josie?” she accused, lifting an eyebrow.

“Inquisitor! To even insinuate that I would bet against you,” she tutted, shaking her head. The suppressed grin gave Josephine away. 

Kai looked to Cullen. He didn’t meet her gaze, his hand brushing the back of his neck as he cleared his throat.

“Sweet Maker! Not one of you backed me?” she exclaimed.

“Inquisitor, there was money involved, and we could see which way the wind was blowing,” Leliana smiled.

Kai looked away muttering under her breath. A challenge to a stick fight issued days ago to her sister, taken up yesterday. Lyssa insisted she should quit hiding in the War Room brooding, she needed to let out the fear before it turned into anger. Kai sought to resist at first, but gave in after Lyssa’s persistence showed no signs of abating. It had helped vent some of the stress she was storing up.

However, Kai’s focus was not been what it should be, and Lyssa had beaten her, dropping Kai in the process. The sprained ankle wasn’t from the contest itself; it was Kai not looking where she was going as they left the ring. She strolled into one of the posts and twisted her ankle as she landed clumsily. The Inquisitor had defeated dragons, Red Templars, Venatori, even giants, merely to be felled by a wooden post, after being felled by her own sister. 

She assumed the execution of Linnea would bring some sort of closure, but that was only partially the case. It was closure for Max’s murder, but the nightmares reliving her attack proved it wasn’t all behind her. She had moved into her sister’s suite after giving up her room, but decided it was better to sleep alone after waking them all up. It was no good for her nieces to hear her distress. 

Kai found an old abandoned room, and Josie organised some furniture for her. It proved to be a prudent move because on subsequent nights she experienced the same dream, waking up panicking until she realised where she was and that she wasn’t in danger. She managed to gather herself sufficiently to function normally during the day, but she couldn’t control the dreams at night.

Kai never went anywhere unarmed, ensuring she was fully conscious of her surroundings at all times. And now she was no longer shadowed, but guarded. The sole concession Cullen gave was that they would maintain a discreet distance and not hover beside her. Even as they stood waiting for the first party to enter through the gate, she could see her guard standing to the side, studying the area for hazards.

“Perhaps we should focus on the first of our guests,” she observed pointedly. 

Kai softened her face with a smile as Alistair and his party showed up, having been sighted on the road to Skyhold. Josephine suggested meeting their guests in the courtyard, to provide a warm welcome. It was an admirable thought. It was the distinction between greeting someone at your door, and waiting for them to be brought into your home. Josephine had set up schedule for the first day, consisting of a tour and dinner in the evening. The aim was to allow the parties to meet more informally before they got down to business tomorrow, to smooth the path ahead.

As Alistair approached, Teagan Guerrin and Fergus Cousland followed behind him. Tegan she knew, but not that well personally. However, she and Fergus had remained in contact, and Kai had visited him whenever she could if she was in Ferelden. 

“Welcome to Skyhold, Your Majesty,” she smiled with a curtsey. Kai heard the groan.

“You’re doing this on purpose,” Alistair claimed, brows furrowed.

“The Inquisitor is showing you respect, Your Majesty,” Teagan told him wearily.

“No she’s not,” Alistair replied, unconvinced, and pointing at Kai. “Look at her face, she taking the...”

Fergus coughed politely. “I think that’s just a smile, Your Majesty.”

Kai grinned at Fergus, pleased to see him again. She looked back to Alistair.

“Hello, Alistair,” she greeted him again.

“Hello Kai,” he smiled. “That’s better.”

“Now, Alistair, would I be impolite?” Kai asked innocently.

“Probably...no, yes,” he claimed. “Wait, that came out...never mind.”

Teagan groaned faintly in the background, and Fergus was doing his best not to chuckle. Alistair did have his moments. Sometimes he was kingly, and other times he was just Alistair. Today he was clearly just Alistair. Kai bit her lip, holding back a grin.

“May I present my Advisors,” Kai offered, turning and indicating to them.

“I know two of them already...” Alistair began.

“What His Majesty means to say is yes, _his Advisors_ would be grateful to make their acquaintance,” Teagan interrupted respectfully.

“Oh, right. Please _do_ introduce us,” Alistair smiled cheekily. Sometimes he took a little guilty pleasure in making Teagan groan, but only when the situation was appropriate. And with her he recognised it was safe to play up a tad.

“Sister Leliana, Seneschal of the Inquisition; Lady Josephine Montilyet, Ambassador of the Inquisition and Ser Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition Army,” Kai announced, gesturing to each, as they bowed and curtseyed in turn.

“Thank you, Inquisitor,” nodded Teagan, throwing a glance to Alistair.

“Oh, yes,” Alistair coughed. “These are Arl Tegan Guerrin and Teryn Fergus Cousland,” he introduced. “So everybody knows everybody now. Would it be possible to have something to eat?”

Josephine stepped in. “Of course, Your Majesty. Let me show you to your quarters and arrange for refreshments to be delivered to you,” she responded attentively. “We will also arrange for you to meet Lady Ryla Helmi. She will act as a facilitator, to lend assistance to you during the negotiations.”

“Yes, that would be useful...wait...Helmi? I recognise that name,” Alistair puzzled, seeking to remember.

“Yes, she’s from House Helmi, but not Orzammar,” Kai told him. She recalled from Aedan’s journal their group met some members of House Helmi during the Blight.

“That was it!” he exclaimed. “Is she good?” Alistair queried, waiting for reassurance.

“Without a doubt,” smiled Kai. With Alistair’s diplomatic skills, she had to be. Engaging as he was as a person, he was a little too candid for diplomacy. “And she’s funny,” Kai added, noticing him smile.

“Even better,” he responded, rubbing his hands. “Right then, lead on.”

As Alistair and Teagan followed Josephine and the guide assigned to them, Fergus came up to Kai. Cullen and Leliana left for their offices to wait for Celene’s arrival.

“We meet again,” he smiled, hugging her. “Fancy new home you have here, Kai,” he observed.

“It’ll do,” she answered smiling. “How are you then? It’s been a while.” 

“Can’t complain. Tell me, is this place as draughty as Highever?” he smirked.

“Not quite up that standard, but parts of it come close,” she chuckled.

“I shall feel right at home then,” he responded, peering at the battlements. 

He was already scrutinising their defences. Fergus was a born warrior unlike Aedan. If things had been different, it was likely Fergus would have allowed the title to pass to Aedan. He much preferred fighting to lordly duties. She’d lost Aedan, but he lost much more, his whole family, and wife and child. The murders of Oriana and Oren hit him profoundly. He loved his wife and son and had never remarried. Kai was glad he never reached Ostagar, so at least one of the Couslands survived. 

“So, Inquisitor Trevelyan, can I see it?” he wondered, glancing at her hand.

Kai rolled her eyes and removed her glove to show Fergus the Anchor. 

“Does it hurt?” he inquired, staring at it suspiciously.

“It itches a little, but I’ve become used to it now. If I have to close too many rifts in a short time, it hurts then,” she advised him. And the flare was fiercer, she thought, almost angry sometimes. But today it was just the regular quiet glow.

He raised his head, smiling. “Looks like you’ve lost something too?” he questioned knowingly.

He’d obviously spotted she wasn’t wearing Aedan’s ring anymore. “Yes, don’t tell me Alistair didn’t inform you,” she sighed, putting her glove back on.

“It’s about time, Kai. And another Ferelden I understand. Must be serious, a mabari too,” Fergus insinuated winking as Kai groaned.

“Is there anything he didn’t tell you?” Kai asked wearily.

“You know Alistair, ever the romantic,” he laughed. “He thought the two of you went well together, said you glowed when you were with him.”

“Are you positive he wasn’t just confusing the Anchor?” she retorted, seeing Fergus roll his eyes.

“Always an answer,” he shook his head. “Some things never change. So, now they’ve wandered off, are you going to show me where I’m expected to be?” he inquired, offering his arm.

“It would be my pleasure, Fergus,” she declared, slipping her hand around his arm.

As they walked on, Fergus noticed her limp. “Battle injury?” 

Kai let out a laugh. “Battle of the Trevelyans.” She caught the baffled expression. “Remember my sister, Lyssa? She’s here, on an extended visit. She whupped me in a stick fight,” Kai admitted, shaking her head. 

The laughter was long and loud before Fergus spoke again. “Well, she apparently managed what your enemies failed to do. Where is she? I’d like to salute the woman who took down the Inquisitor. That is a rare feat I understand.”

Kai fixed him with a glare. “Careful Fergus, else I’ll ask her to challenge you,” she warned.

“Now, Kai, you know me. I’m always up for a challenge,” he grinned.

“Actually, that’s a thought,” she smiled shrewdly. “Take on my sister, and I’ll owe you a favour.”

“Of my choosing?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Of your choosing,” she acknowledged. “But be mindful, she’s still remarkably good even after little practice.” 

“It’s a deal then,” he concurred. “Now, let’s locate the others. Wherever Alistair is, there’ll be food. He’s not the only one who’s hungry.”

Still chatting, the two of them headed off to the quarters set up for the Ferelden party. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Kai was with Josephine in their shared office, their voices low as they spoke.

“Is it possible for you to pass on what we discussed? I understand this has to be done delicately,” Kai requested.

“Leave it with me inquisitor, I know just the people whose ears this needs to reach,” Josephine assured her.

“Thank you Josie. I appreciate it,” she said gratefully.

The horn blasted again. They glanced at each other.

“Celene,” they declared simultaneously.

“Fashionably late?” Kai smiled.

“Of course, Inquisitor,” Josephine confirmed.

It was an odd notion for Kai, having been conditioned to be on time since a child. It was a symbol of civility and courtesy, her parents insisted. Showed respect for the person you were meeting or visiting. Yet in Orlais it was a sign one was overly eager. Kai shook her head, trying to weave her way through the next few days would be her challenge. 

The four of them met up again at the entrance to Skyhold. This time it was an actual official reception, none of the playful banter as when Alistair arrived. On your best Kai, she said to herself, almost hearing her mother’s voice as she did. Unlike Alistair’s party who all showed up on horseback, Celene’s came by carriage. Not surprising, they presumably needed space for the gowns. 

As arranged, Celene bought just two Advisors with her, the same as Alistair. Kai still marvelled at Josephine’s genius in pulling that one off. The one compromise was allowing Celene to bring her ladies-in-waiting. Duke Cyril de Montfort she recognised from Halamshiral, but not the other one, Comtesse Solange Montebelliard. But they spent more time investigating than partying there. The Comtesse had assisted them in securing the Ylenn Basin, seemingly sympathetic to the Inquisition.

“Your Imperial Majesty, welcome to Skyhold,” Kai greeted her, with a bow.

“Inquisitor, we are appreciative of your hospitality, and your assistance in holding these negotiations at Skyhold. We have heard much of this place and look forward to satiating our curiosity,” Celene declared, regal and composed as ever.

“If I may paraphrase a family saying, the surroundings may be cold, but we trust you will find the reception warm,” Kai proposed with a smile.

“It is likewise our hope that our stay here may be a little less eventful than our original meeting,” Celene added, now with a modest smile of her own.

“We hope the festivities arranged will be excitement enough,” Kai announced.

“May I present my Advisory Council?” Kai indicated to her Advisors as before, repeating the introductions. Even though they had all been formally presented at Halamshiral, she went through the motions anyhow.

“And may I present Duke Cyril de Montfort and Comtesse Solange Montebelliard, who graciously agreed to accompany me,” Celene replied, with her presentations.

Kai bowed her head in acknowledgement.

Again Josephine stepped forward. “Your Imperial Majesty, allow me show you to your quarters, and arrange for refreshments to be sent to you,” she offered respectfully. 

Josephine would be their facilitator; with her understanding of Orlesian politics and the Game she was the ideal choice. With that Celene and her party retired with Josephine and their guide. Kai heard the audible relief from Cullen. 

She turned around and smiled. “Take some time, Cullen. We have the tour later,” she indicated, seeing a frown appear on his face.

“Yes, Inquisitor. Thank you for reminding me,” he grumbled, before setting off to his office.

Leliana was smirking. “You shouldn’t tease him. He’s not keen on having to do the tour.”

“I appreciate that, and I promise to be nice when we do,” Kai assured her.

Leliana became thoughtful. “If you truly want him back, it’ll take more than nice, Kai,” she emphasised. 

Kai fidgeted a little. Leliana was right, Lyssa was right. “I know,” she exhaled, closing her eyes and then opening them. “Andraste’s arse, I’m on a learning curve here, trying not to exacerbate the mistake. And right now I’m not at my best, I...”

“I know. He knows. Cullen is straightforward; he’s not accustomed to the in-between as you and I are. You know that. Be clear with him,” she replied, her face softer as she spoke.

“Yes, and I should have remembered. That was the reason I didn’t...you know...back in Haven,” Kai scratched her head. 

The reason she didn’t wish to seduce him, he deserved better than a dalliance. Somewhere along the line she’d forgotten that he needed transparency and to know where he stood. Her answer to his proposal had been at the best ambivalent and at the worst evasive. Understandably he’d reacted. 

“Well, being mindful is a start, just...build on that,” Leliana replied.

“You would make a perfect oracle, your statements are just vague enough to qualify,” Kai grinned.

“Always with answer,” she tutted. “I have work to do and so do you,” she said turning Kai around and moving her toward the steps.

Kai headed back to the rotunda, her makeshift office along with Josephine. Poor Solas had been ejected for the period of the talks, but had fortunately been understanding about it. Josephine relinquished her office to the Ferelden contingent, and the lobby to leading Kai’s quarters had been cleared and a temporary meeting area constructed for the Orlesian one. The latter also offered easy access to the Inquisitor’s quarters.

The negotiations would take place in the War Room, more than spacious enough. The irony wasn’t lost on any of them.

\----------------------------------------------------

Kai knocked on Cullen’s door, and hearing the ‘come in’ stepped in to find a confused expression on his face.

“Maker is it time already?” he demanded. “I’m not...”

Kai dived in to check his agitation. “I’m early, you have time. I just thought I’d come and just hang around if that’s alright. If not, I can always go and...”

“No, that’s fine,” he exhaled, doubtless relieved. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” she apologised. She glanced around his office. His desk had a larger than normal pile of documents on it, and there were books resting on the armchair. “Could I use your chair?”

Cullen peered at her, report in hand. “I don’t mind what you do, as long as I can finish what I’m doing,” he responded with a hint of impatience, before going back to the report.

“Oh, ok,” she said, lifting the books and setting them on the floor next to the armchair. 

Kai sat down stretching out her right leg. However much she sought to focus on the bookcases and essentially anything else in his office, her attention was invariably drawn back to Cullen, standing at his desk with his back to her. More precisely his rear as her gaze fixed itself there. 

She couldn’t help but think that the tan leather breeches he wore with his armour weren’t as complimentary to his underlying form as the other ones he had. Her thoughts set off a whole daydream sequence, not noticing when he turned to face her. She was now staring at an altogether different part of his anatomy. 

“Inquisitor!” he called loudly.

Kai then became aware of where her gaze was concentrated, and snapped her eyes upward to catch a somewhat amused grin. Oh crap, how long had she been staring, and how long had he seen her doing that?

“Ohh, sorry, I was just...I mean I wasn’t really staring at...” Kai coughed. 

Stop digging she thought. Maker, she could feel the heat in her face. Why, for love of all that was holy, was she blushing? She was intimately acquainted with that particular part of him, and they were hardly strangers. Now he was grinning widely at her, or more likely her evident embarrassment.

“You wanted me?” she inquired, trying her best to smile normally, willing the colour to drain from her face.

“I just wanted to inquire about your ankle,” he responded, still grinning. 

“Oh it’s just a tad uncomfortable, it’ll wear off,” she explained blithely. Kai saw the raised eyebrow. “Alright, say it, it was a daft thing to do. You’re the only one who hasn’t,” she sighed.

The smile faded, replaced by a concerned expression and a deliberate tone when Cullen spoke. “Actually it wasn’t a bad idea from what I saw; you needed an outlet. What I would point out it is that some of your moves were reckless, unconsidered. Not how I’ve seen you approach a fight before. That is what bothers me. It’s one thing for you to engage your sister in that manner, but when we reach Samson, you have to be focused. You must be ready.”

“I will be, I just...right now...” she glanced down. “I’m...doing my best, Cullen,” she faltered. 

His face softened as he crouched beside her. Cullen said nothing, just watched her, waiting. He wasn’t pushing or forcing her, just allowing her an opportunity. Over the last days since the attack, she’d kept everyone at a distance. The contest with Lyssa drained some of the stress, and Cullen’s patience was breaking down her reluctance to talk. If anyone would understand it was Cullen, he’d experienced what it felt like.

She exhaled heavily. “Every night...I dream about it, I relive the attack. Each time, when I’m passing out in the dream, I...wake up...shaking.” Kai closed her eyes, drawing a breath before opening them and continuing. “Maker, it’s not the first time someone’s tried to kill me, but...I’m struggling with the feeling of helplessness, the panic when I wake. Cullen...I," 

Kai’s hand reached for his mane, fingering it anxiously. It was a connection with him and she needed that. She needed the solace he could give her; she needed him to help her feel safe. _More than that she needed him._ But what right had she to appeal to him for support? She sat there vacillating for a moment or two, and then decided to just be honest.

“I need help...I need you,” she confessed, seeing a smile of understanding.

“I’m here, you only had to ask,” he soothed, kneeling down and tenderly drawing her tight against him. A whimper escaped as he did.

Kai wrapped her arms around him and held on, a heavy exhale signalling the relief now rushing through her. The need for him was so fundamental, and the reassurance she felt so encompassing. 

“Thank you,” she breathed, although it felt too meagre for what he offered her.

“Kai?”

“Yes?”

“If you want to,” he started hesitantly, “you can stay with me tonight, that is...if you don’t wish to be alone.” 

Kai couldn’t see Cullen’s expression, but could read the uncertainty in his voice. He was apprehensive of her reaction. What he didn’t realise was how much she appreciated it, and that his offer was a lifeline for her. 

“I would really like that, Cullen. Thank you,” she said gratefully. “If you’re sure you...”

“I am.” His response was more confident. 

Cullen drew back facing her. His smile prompted one from her in return. 

“You’re a good man, you know that,” she declared, cocking her head.

“Really? Does that mean I can be excused tour duty?” he requested, a smirk replacing the smile.

Kai couldn’t hold back the laughter, the quip was so unexpected. She cleared her throat to still the mirth. 

“I’m sorry Cullen, but you’re stuck with me on tour duty,” she announced in a resigned tone. “Josie’s unavailable, and Leliana would just make them worry she was scrutinising their every action.” 

“I understand. I just wanted to hear you laugh,” he revealed, grinning. 

Kai shook her head. “Having you there is important,” she stressed.

“To them or to you?” Cullen questioned, searching her eyes.

“Both...but mainly me,” Kai professed looking at him.

“In that case, I will do my best to bear the burden,” he conceded, letting go of her. She moved her arms allowing him to stand up. 

Cullen offered Kai his hand, helping her to her feet. She smiled and squeezed his hand in gratitude. 

“You did it again,” she said, seeing a questioning look. “Helped me off my arse, if not literally this time,” she explained still smiling.

Cullen smiled back. “Better?” he inquired.

Kai thought before responding. “Easier.” She glanced down, and looked back at him. “Thank you,” she said, biting her lip as they stood there together, still holding hands.

“I’m aware we have to go shortly, but I need to finish off here,” he explained darting a look at his desk.

“Of course,” she nodded. He squeezed her hand before letting go. 

Kai limped over to the bookcase, wondering if he had anything other than military manuals to read. She heard Cullen. 

“What _were_ you thinking about earlier?” he asked with a curious smile.

Her hand flew to her mouth partially hiding the snicker as she looked at him. “Breeches,” she revealed.

Cullen rolled his eyes. “I should have learnt by now, not to ask,” he sighed. He went back to his work. 

As Kai’s fingers travelled across the row of books, there was a smile on her face. She felt lighter knowing he would be with her, and that she didn’t have to face the night alone.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Peace Talks Day 1 Pt 2
> 
> During the tour of Skyhold, Kai receives an unexpected request from the Empress and the King, and makes arrangments for after the official welcome dinner. Her visitors see for themselves the extent of the Inquistion forces. Following a long day of official business, Kai takes up Cullen's offer of shelter for the night.  
> .  
> .

**The Tour & After**

The Inquisitor showed Alistair, Celene and their Advisors into the Undercroft. Both Harritt and Dagna were waiting, Harritt with his usual dour expression and Dagna as bubblingly cheerful as ever. Cullen could see Dagna’s eyes drawn instantly to Alistair. Of course she would notice him; those associated with the Hero invariably got her attention. Dagna would regale everyone with the account of how he helped her, and that she owed her subsequent success to his efforts. 

Everything she made for the Inquisitor got extra special consideration because of her relationship with the Hero, over and above her position. Aedan Cousland had been dead over ten years, but his presence still lingered. He had saved Cullen, and for that he would be ever thankful, but sometimes he wished there weren’t so many constant reminders of the Hero, notably where Kai was concerned. And now his brother was here too. Another reminder of her past.

Cullen realised it probably bothered him more as his relationship with Kai was on tentative ground right now. They weren’t together in the same manner, but not apart either. The way she paused before asking him for help, wary he would reject her, revealed things between them had changed. He would never refuse to aid her, not after all the support she gave him. The relief in her voice was palpable when he offered her shelter. How could he not; he recognised fully the fear that beset her dreams. He recalled how having her there made it manageable for him.

Another glance now; every so often she would look at him, confirming he was alright. He gave a slight smile, and she smiled back before turning away. She was aware this wasn’t something he relished, being stuck making small talk. Luckily she managed to wrangle all the people in the party ensuring their attention was on her. Cullen was constantly impressed how she did that, talked so comfortably with everyone. 

Before they started she told him to give a sign if it became too much, and she’d rescue him. Rescue him, he thought. It was mere days ago when someone sought to assassinate her; he should have been the one who rescued her. Realistically he couldn’t be everywhere with her, that was why she was shadowed, but he nevertheless felt he should have been there to protect her. Cullen knew how often she faced death outside on missions and came to terms with that fact. This attack was in their home, the one place she should be safe, the one place he assumed they had control over. 

The assassination attempt demonstrated that was wrong. She was in danger even in Skyhold. But to look at her smiling and chatting, no one could imagine the vulnerability underneath. And that was what he saw when she stared at him earlier. She was right that this attack was different; it occurred in a place she thought she was secure. The one place she could shut out all the danger that she continually faced outside. Now nowhere was safe, she had no sanctuary. Until this was over, she would be on her guard all the time, even though he had people watching her. What must that be like for her?

As Cullen watched Alistair talking with Harritt and Dagna, he could hear the questions he would ask in Alistair’s position. Perhaps Alistair had a point about the thinking patterns of ex-Templars. Maker knows there was enough military instruction stuffed into their heads during training, something that served him well now. Celene stood politely quiet this time, whereas in the garden, she had been the one asking questions. She made a better job of not looking bored than Alistair had there. 

Cullen saw the Inquisitor turn to him. 

“Harritt and Dagna provide arms and armour for my inner circle and myself. Our forge provides the same for our troops, but that comes under the Commander’s jurisdiction.” She indicated in his direction.

Cullen cleared his throat. “Yes, they ensure all our troops are outfitted and armed accordingly, and they do an outstanding job of that. It’s chiefly a question of maintaining the equipment we currently have, but some outfitting of new volunteers as they arrive too. With due respect to Harritt, we are fortunate to have some extremely talented smiths.”

Celene looked to him. “We understand from the Imperial Army they were impressed with the Inquisition’s forces during the joint operation in Val Foret, Commander,” she declared.

“Thank you, Your Imperial Majesty. Our forces were likewise impressed with the Imperial Army. Together we were able to rout both demons and Red Templars from the area,” he explained.

“For which you have our gratitude. The Elder One will undoubtedly feel the effect of our combined forces when the time comes,” Celene nodded.

“We will be honoured to stand alongside them again, Your Imperial Majesty,” Cullen confirmed with a modest bow.

“Yes, your soldiers are well disciplined, Commander,” Alistair broke in. “Wherever you have camps, the locals have nothing but praise for them.”

“And we’re sure once the threat of Corypheus is over, there will no longer be a need for them,” added Teagan pointedly.

Cullen glanced at the Inquisitor, they had a suspicion this would come up. The Orlesian occupation was not that distant a memory and the Inquisition maintained bases in a sovereign territory. He gave way to her now.

“Of course, My Lord. All our camps are there purely to extend support and assistance when requested. I can assure you the Inquisition is quite mindful of our obligations. Once Corypheus and his forces are defeated, as you say, there would no longer be a need for them,” she smiled comfortingly. 

“That is good to hear,” replied Alistair, glancing at Teagan who was acknowledging his assent.

Cullen had learnt enough from his dealings with the Inquisitor and the Ambassador to realise her answer was a loose yes. None of them knew how long it would take to finish off all his forces, even if they defeated Corypheus himself. But first they had to locate him, and as yet there was no specific intelligence, no gathering of his forces to pinpoint where he proposed to strike next.

“But I’m confident I speak for the Commander also, when I say we are pleased you feel our soldiers have acquitted themselves properly,” she added nodding her appreciation. 

“We too can confirm that that your soldiers have conducted themselves with propriety. Indeed, it speaks well of the Inquisition,” Celene confirmed. 

“Thank you, Your Imperial Majesty,” the Inquisitor responded. “Perhaps we could continue the tour,” she added, indicating to the door.

As the party moved forwards through the exit, he felt her hand slip into his and quickly squeeze it before withdrawing. None of the party would see, but Cullen heard a lilting giggle from behind, along with an amused grunt. He just smiled.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai led the way to the Herald’s Rest, taking her royal and noble party into the tavern. She wasn’t certain about the Orlesians, but she knew the Fereldens would not be unacquainted with taverns. It was rather quiet, with just a few individuals inside. Bull was in his customary position, this time joined by Varric, Sera and Dorian, all sitting at a table drinking, with cards and money adding to the mugs strewn over it. It wasn’t hard to surmise what they were playing. A loud guffaw reverberated through the place as Bull had obviously won, echoed by groans from the other players.

Everyone turned to find out where the noise was coming from. Kai pressed her lips together to hold the snicker before speaking.

“As with any tavern, we do have the occasional card games and evident delight at winning,” she notified them.

“What are they playing?” Duke Cyril inquired, peering over.

“Probably Wicked Grace,” Cullen replied automatically without thinking. 

He glanced hurriedly at her as if to say, should I have revealed that? She winked discreetly to indicate that’s fine.

“Really?” Celene asked with a hint of curiosity. “How often do they play?”

“I believe there is generally a game to be found most days when we are resting between missions at Skyhold,” Kai informed them. Not a lie really, there typically was, along with the times they weren’t out on missions and she was.

“What are the stakes?” Celene continued.

“A silver to start with ordinarily,” Kai replied, now understanding where this line of questioning was heading. 

Alistair stepped in. “Do they play in the evenings too?”

Both monarchs were now observing her. “I would imagine so,” she affirmed. “Perhaps we could visit again after dinner?”

Kai saw Celene and Alistair glance at each other, and then look back to her.

“Yes, Inquisitor, we would welcome another visit after dinner,” Celene smiled.

“As would we,” Alistair agreed also smiling.

Kai acknowledged their request. Maker’s breath! The Empress of Orlais and the King of Ferelden playing Wicked Grace together in the tavern. They would require more bodies for the game. The challenge was, who could she round up and who could she trust to behave. Not to mention she would possibly give Josephine a heart attack for agreeing to this. But they were guests in her home, and she’d always been taught one respected guests’ requests. That was her excuse if anyone asked.

As they left and made their way up to the battlements, heading for the Mage Tower, Kai knew they would soon see the extent of the Inquisition forces. It now numbered many hundreds rather than the tens it began with. This would be the delicate part, the part they couldn’t gloss over, because the evidence was right there on the plateau outside Skyhold. In effect a town now located there, without permanent constructions, but with all other facilities. However expansive Skyhold was it could not accommodate so many, thus provision had to be made for the soldiers, mages, Templars and some workers outside.

Her guests wouldn’t have noticed it on their approach, but now they would. And all the Inquisition forces came under Cullen’s command, and her leadership. The woman, who only months ago travelled mostly alone brokering alliances, and who had never ordered anyone other than her nieces and nephews. To hide it would make her motives suspicious, to point it out would sound like posturing. Kai simply walked on and waited for the remarks.

It wasn’t long.

“Inquisitor,” she heard. It was Fergus.

“Yes, Your Lordship?” she swung around, a reassuring smile set on her face.

“This is the Inquisition Army?” he inquired, eyes wide, pointing below.

“The majority are soldiers, but not all,” she explained. “We have Templars, the mages from Redcliffe and workers too. Most are volunteers, people who have lost families, homes, or refugees searching for a safe place. We offer what assistance we can and pride ourselves on not turning away anyone who requests help. Many in turn have volunteered to sign as soldiers, or workers to help with the running of Skyhold. All wish to support the fight against Corypheus and his forces, and we welcome that.”

She caught the glances passing between the members of each party. Well, now they were fully cognisant that Skyhold was a bastion of power as well as a stronghold of what had been regarded a heretical movement. Some still considered them in that light. And Kai was under no illusion that her influence survived only as long as the Inquisitor and Anchor were required. But if she could solve what was feasible during that time, she would. Blackwall had once mentioned that he thought she could shake the world to its foundations if she wanted to. All she wanted, was try to leave behind a better world.

There were no further queries, but she was sure there would be further quiet investigation. One does not tip off one’s potential rivals that they’re being studied. But rival or no, until Corypheus was defeated, the Inquisition was needed. Both Celene and Alistair knew that. In addition, much to her distaste, she was considered a holy woman, Andraste’s Herald and the Maker’s Chosen. Again, you wait until the job is completed before dismantling that edifice. And as much as she and Alistair were friends, his loyalty lay with his country and hers with the Inquisition.

They continued on their path to the Mage Tower.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen stood with the Inquisitor on the battlements watching the two parties retire to their quarters. He heard the Inquisitor exhale loudly, and saw her staring after them, arms folded.

“Do you think we startled them a little?” she asked, looking at him.

“Perhaps we gave them something to reflect on, Inquisitor,” he responded, hearing the chuckle.

“You know Commander, for a military man, occasionally you can be quite diplomatic,” she grinned.

“And for a diplomat, you can wield quite the weapon, Inquisitor,” he smiled back.

There was a lull as they both stood there for a moment.

“Cullen, I don’t suppose you have some bottles of Ferelden ale left in your office?” she inquired, smirking.

“I may have,” he acknowledged, quite conscious of what she was asking. It wasn’t only Ferelden sweets she was partial to.

“Well then, aren’t you going to offer the lady a drink?” she urged, her hands resting on her hips now and eyebrow arched.

The words tumbled out before he thought about them. “With pleasure, if you wish to bring her along,” he retorted. 

She narrowed her eyes, but laughed loudly. “Nice comeback, Commander. I shall rephrase my request. Cullen, would you treat me to a bottle of Ferelden ale? I think I may need a drink before telling Josie I’m arranging Wicked Grace for their Majesties.”

“It would be my pleasure, Inquisitor,” he nodded, smiling. 

They wandered along the battlements back to his office, just chatting. It felt good to hear her laugh and to banter with her. Suddenly she halted, the smile gone and her breathing a little fast. He followed her stare. The tower where she was assaulted was ahead of them, the last tower before his.

“Have you been in there since...?” 

“No,” she interrupted uneasily. “I couldn’t summon sufficient courage to get back on the horse.” She rounded to him, swallowing hard. “But it’s the long way around if I don’t try.”

“Do you want help?” he asked holding out his hand.

“Thank you, but I have to do this on my own. I won’t say no to that offer on the other side though,” she acknowledged glancing at his hand. “You go first.”

Cullen walked through, glancing down as he did. Except for the brown stain on the floor, the tower looked much the same as ever. He swung around to see her still standing at the other side of the tower, her eyes closed and taking deep breaths. He wondered if she was having second thoughts. Then she opened her eyes and walked right through, the only detectable trace of tension being her clenched jaw. As she strode out onto the battlements, he presented his hand again, and she accepted, clutching it tightly. She stared into his eyes.

“About that drink...” Kai said quietly, her voice trembling a little.

He indicated to his door and escorted her into his office before letting go of her hand. As he went to pick up a bottle, she perched on his desk, heaving a sigh. 

“Thank you Cullen,” he heard her say, the relief obvious.

“You only have to ask,” he reassured her. 

Cullen opened the bottle, but couldn’t turn up a clean mug. Before he could apologise, she evidently worked out what was going on.

“Don’t worry, I’m perfectly willing to drink from the bottle,” she smiled, holding out her hand. 

He passed the bottle to her. “Really? I didn’t think a lady did that,” he teased.

The smile widened into a grin. “Screw etiquette, I’m the Inquisitor.”

“Yes, you most assuredly are,” he acknowledged, chuckling. 

The woman resting on his desk, legs swinging, sipping from a bottle of Ferelden ale was unquestionably the Inquisitor. She struggled at times, had doubts and fears, but never walked away from a challenge of whatever description. Even if he didn’t feel for her as he did, he would have been proud to serve with her. He wasn’t conscious of how keenly he was staring at her as she sat there.

“Cullen?” she asked looking puzzled.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about how you never give up. All the things you’ve been confronted with, and yet you keep going,” he indicated, noticing her look aside.

“Oh that,” she sighed. “Maybe so, but I don’t always get it right. I just do the best I can at the time.” She flashed a glance at him before turning her head away again.

They both recognised what she meant, but this wasn’t the moment to discuss it. They needed the luxury of more time than was available to them now. But they absolutely had to talk, to work out where they could go from here. What he was thankful for was that the awkwardness between them had abated and they could joke again.

“It never prevents you trying though,” he declared softly.

She faced him, cocking her head with a smile of gratitude and lifted her bottle. “Never give up, never surrender,” she toasted before taking another swig. “Except in certain circ...” slipped out before she corrected herself and cleared her throat.

Like his words previously, the smirk came of its own accord. He caught her glance at his mouth. Some things hadn’t changed, he thought. She scratched her head and hopped off the desk.

“Perhaps I should talk to Josie before the ale catches up with me,” she confessed handing him the bottle. “Thank you again, I appreciate it, Cullen,” she continued, smiling and settling her hand on his breastplate. 

“Anytime,” he replied smiling back.

He watched as she went to the door, paused momentarily, and peeked over her shoulder. “You know how to play Wicked Grace, don’t you Cullen?” she inquired.

“Yes, I...wait a min...” was all he got out before she interrupted him.

“Thank you, Cullen,” she trilled and shot out the door.

Two words came to him as he glanced at the bottle and the door closing as she made her way across the walkway bridge. ‘So easily’. Well, two could play that game, he thought shaking his head as he smiled.

\-------------------------------------------------------

**The Dinner**

Kai glanced around the dinner table. So far it appeared dinner was going well, no hiccups or arguments. Josephine’s seating plan looked to be paying off. Kai was at one end with Celene and Alistair, relating tales of their exploits to them. The mood was amiable even after they saw the strength of the Inquisition. But Kai understood that was part of the way state matters worked. There could be a split between personal and official relationships as long as you never overlooked the impact of either.

Alistair leant over. “So, I trust arrangements are in hand for after dinner?” he inquired.

Kai paused over her dessert, her lovely sweet dessert which she could have happily wolfed down, but was eating more delicately. That was one thing she could occasionally do without, official dinners where manners took precedent over enjoyment.

“Arrangements are in place,” she assured him, darting a look at Celene listening in. “Will the visit involve Your Majesty’s advisors too?”

She addressed her remarks at Alistair, but was conscious the appeal was a joint one. She already knew the answer, but asked for the sake of appearance.

“If I may,” answered Celene, for the first time not employing the imperial ‘we’. Kai saw Alistair’s nod. “It will be just His Majesty and I visiting.”

Kai acknowledged her words. “Very well, then I hope the visit will be an entertaining one,” she smiled.

Leliana had reported on the notes being passed between the parties after they came back from the tour. Here they were for peace talks, and the two monarchs were conferring about a card game. Well, if it helped smooth the way as Josephine often stated, she was all for that.

After the initial exclamation, Josephine realised this could be a valuable move, getting just Celene and Alistair together. However, she likewise was absolutely correct in maintaining both she and Ryla should be present. Celene was wily and Alistair wasn’t always the most diplomatic. 

The terms proposed by both sides were fairly much in agreement. It was evident neither side wished to have a resurgence of hostilities either now or in the future. Ferelden had suffered enormously during the Blight and was still recovering, and Orlais had suffered both in the War of the Lions and under Corypheus. Both had a powerful appetite for an enduring peace and the chance to reconstruct.

This was looking to be the shortest peace talks known. Kai couldn’t help but reflect that the rise of the Inquisition, in addition to the threat of Corypheus, had also played a part in the necessity for a peace treaty. And the choice of venue provided an opportunity to for them to personally see what their spies had informed them of the Inquisition.

Kai went back to her dessert, looking around the dinner table. She noticed Lyssa and Fergus deep in conversation. Josephine had agreed to invite Lyssa as they had a vacant place at the dinner table once the monarchs, their advisors, her advisors and Ryla had been placed. Kai had assured her Lyssa would be fine, she knew how to behave in formal affairs, and was entertaining in her conversation. What was clear to Kai were the soft glances Lyssa gave to Fergus, but Kai couldn’t see Fergus’ responses as he was angled away from her. 

But she could also see Cullen at the other end of the dinner table caught in discussion with Solange and Leliana. This was one occasion she couldn’t rescue him; her official duties meant she was tied up here. Out of all of them he would be the most relieved when their guests were gone. But he did look awesome in civilian dress, out of his armour. Out of his armour and breeches, she thought as she smiled inside. She’d never forgotten that first night in his tent. That recollection led to her complete distraction earlier in his office.

At that time everything seemed so convoluted with two coins, and present and future Cullen. Now looking back, it felt much simpler than their present position. Beginnings were ever more hopeful, and the endings were decisive; it was just the messy bit in the middle that was problematic. She just didn’t know where their ending lay. What she did recognise was that they had to stop making decisions without talking to each other.

Kai finished her dessert and waited for her guests. Then they had a game of Wicked Grace to play. She’d corralled a few of her companions for the game, only those sanctioned by her Ambassador. Needless to say Sera wasn’t one of them. Kai had to use charm and bribery to appease her. Fortunately she knew precisely the right degree of both to insure the game wasn’t disrupted by one of Sera’s pranks. 

She just hadn’t had a chance to tell Cullen yet that Sera would be coming along to the Shrine of Dumat. The prize Kai offered would be on a detour on their way back. That was another matter she had to inform him of. Josie had word from Baron Desjardin that one of the dragons in Emprise was nesting. And now the bridge was reconstructed, they could reach them, along with Red Templars sighted in the area. Kai asked Josephine to relay word that the residents, and soldiers from Suledin Keep should stay away until they arrive.

Well, at least the threat they had to deal with wasn’t going to sneak up and try to strangle her, fry her maybe though. 

Kai looked around again, this time catching Cullen’s eye. He smirked at her, in the middle of an official dinner he smirked at her. From his smug look she could see this was deliberate, he was entirely conscious of what that did to her. Only by coughing did she conceal the sigh. He lifted an eyebrow and then looked away, and Kai knew, just knew, what he was thinking. ‘So easily.’ Luckily no one around would recognise the significance.

She’d fired the opening shot earlier; he was returning a salvo. OK Cullen Rutherford, she thought, let’s do this.

\-------------------------------------------------------

**Wicked Grace**

“Dealer starts, one silver I believe is the opening bet?” Josephine queried, glancing at the Inquisitor.

“It is,” she acknowledged.

Cullen looked around the table. One empress, one king, one princess, three members of the human nobility, two dwarven deshyrs, one knight and one Qunari, if you were considering it in terms of social status. It was undoubtedly one of the most illustrious games of Wicked Grace to take place, certainly in Skyhold at least.

What he also noted was that Varric was seeking to sit as far away from Ryla Helmi as he could after finding out who she was. Cullen didn’t appreciate why, but from the Inquisitor’s smile, she knew something. Cullen was more than curious to discover what it was about Lady Helmi that made Varric uncomfortable and knew just the woman to ask about this. 

All of the players around the table added a silver into the pot, except the Inquisitor.

“Boss?” Bull inquired quizzically.

She smiled. “I’ll see that bet and just to make it a little interesting I’ll raise another silver,” she declared.

Cullen stared at her; her cards were still sitting on the table, unviewed. “You haven’t even looked at your cards yet,” he pointed out.

She turned to him. “I know,” she replied, before looking around the table.

Everyone checked their cards again. More money went into the pot on the next round of bets. Only now did she pick up her cards, the smile still on her face as she studied them. The game continued, cards drawn and cards discarded, and more bets. Except the Inquisitor who stayed with her hand. Each time she raised the stake by one silver.

Varric was recounting the tale of Hawke’s mabari and how Varric taught him to play Diamondback. The dog would wag his tail when dealt a good hand. “Hawke took one look and shook his head. He says I don’t know if its brilliant or horrible that you play Diamondback with my dog. I replied, hey I’m just saying, if he learned to watch his tells, he’d be up more than three sovereigns.”

Loud laughter greeted the story, Bull slamming his hand on the table, the silver rattling and mugs jumping as he did.

Celene stared at Varric. “You taught a dog to play cards? I have heard about mabari, but is that possible?” she challenged.

Alistair laughed. “I never heard of that, but it wouldn’t surprise me. Your Imperial Majesty, mabari are bred to be smart. I recall someone saying once they were smarter than your average tax collector and knew better when to be silent.”

“Your Majesty, then perhaps I should consider replacing my tax collectors with mabari,” Celene joked.

“Have to say, I wish I’d thought of that idea,” Alistair sighed.

This prompted yet more laughter, and an observation.

“Cullen, your mabari, she’s a sharp one, maybe we should include her in a game sometime?” Bull smiled.

“You want me to teach her to play Wicked Grace?” Cullen exclaimed.

“Nah, I was thinking maybe Varric could, he seems to have the experience,” Bull explained, glancing at Varric.

“Could be interesting,” Varric said, pondering the notion.

Cullen felt a faint touch against his thigh and a soft whispered ‘say yes’ from the Inquisitor.

“Alright,” he conceded, noticing the smile as he glanced at her.

The pot was increasing with each round of bets and consequently players were folding as the stakes escalated. No one had drawn the Angel of Death as yet, so the game continued. He had folded, the stakes getting too rich for him. Now even Celene folded having hung on, leaving just the Inquisitor and Josephine, facing off. Finally Cullen watched as the Ambassador drew the Angel of Death. They looked at each other.

“Inquisitor.”

“Ambassador.”

Both of them laid their cards on the table. There were exclamations and laughter. Josephine had easily won with a full house of three knights and two swords, but the Inquisitor had been wagering on a pair of songs, an angel, a serpent and a sword.

“Maker’s breath!” laughed Alistair. “You were bluffing,” he said to the Inquisitor.

“Of course, Your Majesty,” she grinned. 

“You play well, Inquisitor,” Celene said smiling. “But we were already aware of that,” she acknowledged.

“Thank you, Your Imperial Majesty,” she responded.

“And our pockets are too now,” added Dorian, arching an eyebrow and groaning.

“Perhaps we’ll all do better on the next round,” smiled Ryla. “Now we recognise the Inquisitor’s method.”

“Ah Ryla, perhaps it could be a double bluff next time,” the Inquisitor joked. “Deal again Josie.”

“Inquisitor, perhaps some more refreshments too,” Josephine advised.

“Good point, I’ll order some,” she responded, getting up. “Commander, could I trouble you for some assistance?”

“Of course, Inquisitor,” he replied, accompanying her to the bar.

As they stood there waiting for Cabot to fill the jugs, he had to ask.

“How long would you have bluffed?” he questioned, observing a wry smile burst out.

“Down to my last coin, Cullen. If you bluff you don’t back out, otherwise it doesn’t work,” she answered, nudging him. “You should appreciate that, I adopted it from a military tactic. You construct a feint to entice your adversary, to divert them from your actual intention.” He could see her watching him.

Cullen thought for a moment. His forte was chess, not card games, but he understood the concept. It was feasible to push a less skilled opponent down a direction beneficial to your game if you were good enough. But why did she...? He suddenly realised.

“You were testing,” he declared.

She grinned broadly, chewing her lip “I knew there was a reason why you were such an excellent Commander,” she confided.

“Really?” he smirked, noticing her glance at his lips.

“Absolutely, you’re smart as a whip,” she replied, grabbing hold of one of the trays. 

Cullen took hold of the other tray. “Thank you, Inquisitor,” he acknowledged. 

“Oh and by the way, Commander, I will get you back, you do realise that,” she promised winking.

“I’d expect nothing less, Inquisitor,” he responded. Of that he had no doubt.

As she walked ahead, the limp was still there, but lessened slightly. What he paid more attention to was the way her green dress clung to her the curves of her body. The first time he saw her in that dress back in Denerim, she looked stunning, but now with her hair longer and tumbling over her shoulders, she looked even more so. And Maker, she was smart, if foolish too on occasion. Then again, so could he be. 

They sat back down at the table and the next game began.

\---------------------------------------------------------

**Shelter**

Kai knocked on Cullen’s door and heard a faint ‘come in’. Walking in she could see the office was empty, so obviously he’d retired to the loft. She snuffed out the candles before making her way up the ladder. 

When she reached the top Kai saw him standing with his back to her clad solely in pyjama bottoms. Maker he was magnificent, and Kai felt the flare of heat inside as she gawked at him. You’re here so you don’t have to be alone remember, not for anything else, she told herself. She scratched her head restlessly and settled on unpacking her backpack as a diversion. 

“Hello, Cullen,” she addressed him as she put it down and crouched to hunt for her nightshirt.

“Hello Kai,” he responded, turning and smiling at her.

She faced up and beamed at him, tugging out a nightshirt from her backpack as she did. 

“I just need to change,” she said standing up and shifting to face away. 

He could hear the hooks on her dress being unclipped, but it wasn’t until she began to slip out of it he realised perhaps he shouldn’t be staring at her. But Maker she was beautiful, and he felt himself harden as he watched her. Cullen turned away, his hand finding the back of his neck. He had to concentrate on the fact he’d offered her sanctuary and support, not...

“Done,” she indicated, swinging back around.

Cullen had his back to her. Of course he would, she thought. They were in an odd situation at the moment, neither fully together, nor apart. What impressed her was how well he was dealing with it, or maybe that was just what she thought. But he wouldn’t have offered her shelter if he didn’t want to. She should stop overthinking this and just accept his help. Cullen shifted to face her, smiling now, and Kai grinned back. 

He stooped down to pick up a chessboard and chess set from the floor. “I thought you might need to wind down after today,” he suggested.

Cullen saw her eyes grow large in surprise, settling her palms on her hips. “Cullen Rutherford, what are you proposing? Have you invited me here under false pretences?” she accused.

“What?!” He then realised what she was thinking. “No! Maker, I didn’t intend to infer...ugh...I just thought...” he fumbled until he spotted her hand cover her mouth struggling to disguise the smirk.

“Very funny,” he grumbled.

Kai was laughing now. “So...easily,” she drawled. “I did give you fair warning.”

“Shall we,” he sighed wearily, indicating to the bed.

Cullen saw Kai nod, and she climbed under the blankets. He joined her, watching her wriggle and plump the pillow until she settled. 

“Comfortable now?” he asked laughing.

“Yes, thank you,” she responded, smiling. “Your bed is softer than the one Josie sourced for me. But it was at short notice I suppose.”

Cullen set up the chessboard between them, allowing her to pick the colour. They began to play.

“This is an excellent plan,” she professed. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied, glancing at her before studying the board. “I expect I need this too,” he admitted.

“It was a bit of a long day, but seemed to go well enough. We kept them entertained at least,” she mentioned, moving another piece. 

Tomorrow was the important business, the actual reason they were here. From the after game discussions between Alistair and Celene, conceivably it could be a smooth process. Ryla and Josephine remained with them as support. Alistair’s caution and Celene’s boldness in the games gave them an understanding of their individual mindsets, at least presently, and the two facilitators could use that. Of course, both monarchs would report back to their own advisors and have further consultations, but it sounded encouraging.

“Cullen, when will your squadron be ready to leave for the Shrine of Dumat?” she asked thinking ahead.

“They’re ready now, whenever you wish to set out,” he advised her, moving a piece.

“Well, Josie and Ryla seem optimistic we can wrap it all up in a couple of days. So shall we estimate three days time?” she proposed.

“Agreed,” he accepted. 

“There are a couple of other matters...” she began.

Cullen looked up to discover a resolute smile on her face, the type of smile when she prepared him for something he may not be thrilled about.

“Alright, tell me,” he sighed. 

“We’ve had word from the Baron about that sector in Emprise. The one on the far end of the bridge we couldn’t reach before. They’ve identified Red Templars there and one of the dragons is nesting. Both will need to be taken care of. I hoped we could handle it on the way back from the Shrine. It’s not a lengthy detour,” she explained reassuringly. 

He wasn’t happy, but was conscious they had to be dealt with. Both were a potential menace to their forces and the civilians. “I understand,” he cautiously agreed.

“And Sera’s coming along too,” she informed him, still smiling.

“Any particular reason?” he inquired with a puzzled frown.

“I bribed her with three dragons to prevent her disrupting the game tonight,” she revealed, biting her lip while waiting for his reaction.

The peculiarity of it made him chuckle. “You offered her three dragons to keep her quiet?”

“Yes...” she confirmed, sounding confused, “...why is that funny?”

“Most people would run if you presented them with that as an incentive.” Cullen shook his head and sighed. “Is there anyone among your companions who isn’t a little odd?”

“Well...” she lay there reflecting for a minute and then moved to speak.

“Don’t say Cassandra, because she was a founding member of the Inquisition,” he pointed out.

“Then...not really,” she supposed, smiling. “We’re all a bit...different.”

“Yes, you certainly are that,” he laughed.

“Yet it works, doesn’t it? I told you it would,” she asserted defiantly.

“I cannot disagree there. It does work,” he conceded.

They carried on playing for a few minutes, comfortably silent. Cullen was right; this was a good way to wind down. They appreciated each other’s playing styles now. It wasn’t a battle of wills, more a slow dance where the steps were so familiar you could just enjoy the...

“What was that?” Kai exclaimed, staring up at him bewildered. “You’ve never adopted that move before.”

Cullen was grinning now. “Something the matter?” he inquired innocently.

Kai scanned the board, having to consciously think ahead rather than just feeling the flow as she ordinarily did. This wasn’t going to be as simple as it normally was. He’d changed tactics, and she had to readjust. Kai narrowed her eyes at him, seeing the laugh now.

“Relaxing huh?” she scoffed.

“So...easily,” he proclaimed confidently.

“This isn’t over, Cullen Rutherford,” she huffed.

“I would imagine not, but you have some catching up to do, Katarina,” he taunted.

“You’re so dead,” she growled.

“So you keep saying.” Cullen shook his head, grinning. “But not before I thrash you at this.”

Cullen was right, this game was probably his. Kai let out a resigned sigh.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Peace Talks: The First Night
> 
> Having made the offer of shelter to Kai, Cullen wakes to discover Kai having her recurring nightmare.  
> .  
> .

The initial warning that something was amiss came when Cullen felt a prickling sensation on his thigh, waking him from his sleep. Only then did he hear the moaning and feel the mattress shuddering. But it was the green glow he saw out of the corner of his eye that suggested things were little more problematic than just a bad dream. Cullen looked across at Kai seeing the brilliant cascade of the Anchor enveloping her hand; hearing the sucking, crackling noise of the magic. 

Maker, she must have activated it in her sleep. Likely a reaction to the dream she was experiencing. There was scant chance of her opening a rift as it was, but if he woke her abruptly and she was confused, she might panic and lose control. The information from Sadler indicated that was her immediate reaction when she awoke following the attack, until Cole calmed her. But then it wasn’t already activated. 

Cullen needed to move away from her. His heartbeat now picking up in pace, he gingerly and gradually shifted away, watching for any sign that she was waking up. Reaching the edge of the bed, he was just about to step off it when she sat up with a yelp. He reacted automatically, leaping off the bed and backing away from it. His movement drew her attention, creating precisely the situation he sought to avoid. She panicked. 

Kai swung around; eyes filled with fear and raised her hand in his direction. From her expression, she didn’t appear to recognise him. She was instinctively defending herself and priming for a strike. The Anchor was crackling louder, gaining in intensity. He had to stop her before she opened a rift. 

“Kai, it’s Cullen. Power down the Anchor NOW!” he yelled at her.

She hesitated, and he could see that she finally recognised him. To his relief, the glow and crackling abated as she recovered control. Kai tucked her Anchor hand against the side of her body, pressing her other arm onto it, almost as if she was hiding it. Cullen exhaled loudly, his heart rate starting to slow as the danger passed.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Cullen, I could have...” her voice was shaking, she was shaking. 

As Kai looked at him, he could see the fear and guilt in her eyes. She was terrified; the realisation of what could have happened hitting her. Cullen climbed back onto the bed intending to hold her, to reassure her, but she scurried away from him.

“No! I’m not safe...I can’t...if I hurt you...I’d never...” her words spilled out, rushed, choppy, and punctuated by sharp intakes of breath. 

Even with her back to him he recognised she was struggling not to cry. She was off the bed, heading for her backpack, doubtless proposing to run off. Cullen knew if she left now her guilt would distance her from him, and he didn’t want to lose what they had begun to rebuild. Yesterday was the first time since their quarrel he’d started to feel close to her again. He had to stop her. 

“Kai, wait!” he called out, dashing off the bed and over to her.

She hesitated, and he used the opportunity to catch hold of her, his hands gently clasping her upper arms. He didn’t want to be overly forceful if he could avoid it, but wasn’t going to let her rush away either. As she began to try to wriggle away from him, he tightened his grip.

“Listen to me!” he ordered; his tone firm, but not loud. He didn’t wish to unnerve her even further.

The squirming stopped, but her body remained taut and trembling, and her gaze was locked onto the floor. Maker, she couldn’t even look at him now. He had to try to mitigate her guilt. Her reaction was an instinctive one, understandable considering what happened to her. And no different from his reaction on waking confused from his dream. He just had to persuade her of that fact. Cullen relaxed his grip a little, and rubbed his thumbs soothingly on Kai’s arms as he spoke.

“Remember that time I woke up confused from my dream and you had to dodge. The first time you saw how I could panic realising someone was there because I was so accustomed to sleeping alone. How in that moment I couldn’t tell if I was still dreaming. Kai, this is no different.”

“I could dodge, you can’t. _I’m a weapon, Cullen._ A weapon that can reach out however far you try to run,” she asserted bitterly. He understood the bitterness was not directed at him.

“You are _not_ a weapon. You carry a weapon that’s true. But it doesn’t make _you_ one, Kai,” he insisted emphatically.

“It’s still attached to me, and my reactions. And don’t tell me it didn’t shock you, I saw your face,” she countered, a little anger in her voice now.

“And you weren’t shocked when it happened to you?” he shot back. “Who convinced me that I was safe to be around?”

“But this is...”

“This is no different,” he interrupted, his voice increasing in volume. “Maker’s breath woman! What does it take to convince you?” he demanded testily. He shook his head in frustration. Maker, he shouldn’t have shouted at her, she felt bad enough. But sometimes she could be so...exasperating. 

“Kai, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have...”

She peered up at him apologetically. “Cullen, I’m sorry. I appreciate you’re just trying to reassure me, but I...,” she faltered. “...I...don’t want to hurt you again.”

And there it was, her real fear right there. It wasn’t just her reaction on waking up that was the issue. The ghost of this damn argument hovered over both of them. If that wasn’t bad enough, his regret at not being there for her when her life was endangered haunted him too. 

This was no good; they couldn’t continue evading the subject, putting it off until later. Even if they couldn’t discuss it in depth, something had to be said, _and now._ Cullen sought to draw Kai closer to him, to hold her. At first she stayed rigid, struggling against him. He continued trying, and his persistence paid off as she eventually gave in to him. Cullen wrapped his arms around her, with one hand gently cradling her head against him.

“Kai, don’t you think I feel bad for not being there for you, for not saving you when you were in danger,” he confessed quietly. “Your safety is my responsibility. Not just because I’m your Commander, but because I love you.”

“You can’t always be there with me,” she reasoned, staring up at him consolingly, and folding her right arm around him. He noted how her left one hung at her side. “It’s not your fault, Cullen.”

“My point is that fault or not, I nevertheless feel I should have been there for you,” he pointed out, stroking her hair. “And you still blame yourself for the argument,” he continued, catching her glance down before she faced him again.

Her voice was clear if a little unsteady. “It was my fault. I made a poor decision, although I didn’t understand that at the time. I just wanted...well...it doesn’t matter now.” She rubbed his back. “It made you think I didn’t care for you, that I viewed us as transitory. I don’t, I never have. Cullen, I love you, I will always love you. Even back in Haven, I understood that you deserved better than just a fling, a dalliance. Yes, I joked about warming beds and such, but I recognised you needed someone who cared about you.”

Cullen sighed heavily, seeing her perplexed expression.

“What? What did I say now?” she inquired anxiously.

“I should have remembered. You sort of said that to me before, but not in those exact words,” he acknowledged. At the time he hadn’t appreciated what she was really telling him.

“I’ve always respected you, Cullen. Even if I said things I shouldn’t have.”

“We both said things we shouldn’t have, Kai.”

“If I could take it back, I would...in a heartbeat.” Her voice was earnest now, her eyes glinting as she spoke. “Can you forgive me,” she pleaded.

“I do,” he responded tenderly. “Can you forgive me?”

He saw the smile. “Do you even have to ask? Of course I do,” she assured him.

Cullen gazed at her; wanting to kiss her, to reconnect with her. But before he could, she laid her head against his chest and the moment passed. 

“Will you stay?” he proposed instead, caressing her head. 

There was concern in her voice. “I want to, but if I hurt you...” 

“Have you had the dream more than once in a night?” The question was a pragmatic one. If she answered yes, they would need to reconsider. He hoped it was no. 

“No, it happens just the once.” She went silent for minute, and he presumed she was thinking it through. Kai stared up at him, her face calmer. “Ok then, I’ll stay,” she smiled.

Cullen let go of her, stepping back and indicated to the bed. “Come on. I think we both need to try to get some sleep. We have a few hours left before we have to be up.” 

He grinned. “Let’s make sure the Inquisitor is capable enough to manage her visitors and keep them in hand. We don’t want another war to break out, do we?” 

Kai let out a laugh. “Sweet Maker, no! One is enough thank you very much.”

As he shifted to move back to the bed, Cullen felt her hand on his arm and swung back to face her. Kai cupped his cheek in her palm, peering into his eyes.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

As she took her hand away, and before she could turn, he pulled her to him and kissed her. It was no more than a soft graze on the lips, but he didn’t intend to waste a second chance. Breaking the kiss he felt her breath on his mouth as she sighed.

“Again,” she breathed.

Cullen drew her close, his hands gripping her hips and Kai folded her arms around his neck. 

He leant in, watching her eyes close and her lips part as he kissed her. Slowly and softly at first, until he felt her melt against him, a moan falling from her open mouth into his. He tugged her body hard against him and she coiled her fingers into his hair, forcing his head down as she tilted hers back, deepening the kiss. 

It was a kiss of reconciliation, but more than that it was a promise, bonding and binding the two of them together. In those moments, he knew neither of them wanted to be without the other again. They finally broke away, and she rubbed her lips together before she looked at him, smiling. He grinned back at her. 

“Have I told you I love you?” she declared, her hands sliding onto his shoulders, her eyes searching his.

“You may have mentioned it,” he recalled, leaning his forehead onto hers. “I love you too.”

Kai smiled at him, a smile so radiant that made him happy to see her like that. Cullen took her by the hand and escorted them back to his bed, clambering in and settling down before she joined him. He lifted his arm, allowing her to snuggle up to him, her head resting on his chest, and her arm draped over it. Cullen folded his arm around Kai, idly rubbing his thumb across her forehead, picking up the contented sigh.

“I missed this, I missed you,” she said, her voice sounding relaxed for the first time.

“Me too,” he told her.

Cullen could sense her fingers running across his chest and just knew she was tracing a scar there. Kai and her fascination with his scars; some things never change, he thought. She altered her position slightly, and cold metal brushed against him. 

“Do you ever take off your coin?” he inquired, glancing down. 

“Only if I have a bath.” She glanced up at him. “Apart from that, never. It’s my reminder of you. It means you’re always there with me, wherever I am.” 

“You know, it’s just occurred to me, I don’t have anything to remind me of you,” Cullen informed her. He hadn’t actually thought about it before. Apart from his own coin, he wasn’t used to having trinkets or tokens. The Order discouraged such things.

“Do you want something then?” Kai asked, her finger reaching up for his chin, raking his stubble. 

“Perhaps I do,” he responded. A small reminder of her when she was away, he thought. Maybe a lock of her hair or...

“You’re such a practical man, I suppose it would have to be a practical item,” she mused. Cullen saw her eyes grow large, and a wide grin form. “I have it. Oh Maker, yes that’s it!” she exclaimed excitedly.

“What is?” he puzzled, a little wary. “Kai...what are you thinking of?”

“Now, that would be telling, and I’m not going to spoil the surprise,” she chuckled.

Cullen became suspicious. “Kai..?”

“Trust me, you’ll love it, I promise,” she replied confidently, pushing herself up to kiss him.

“Are you sure?” he inquired doubtfully, caressing her cheek. 

She winked at him and he groaned. Why did he open his mouth? Maker knows what she had planned now. 

“I’m going to regret this aren’t I?” he sighed, his face frowning slightly.

“Not...necessarily,” she snickered, and then coughed. “Sorry. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed,” Kai assured him.

Cullen groaned again. “Why did I even...?”

She was laughing loudly now. Maker, he loved listening to her laugh, and couldn’t stop his own laughter bursting out, echoing her mirth. If he could bottle the feeling he had when she laughed, that would be enough of a token for him. Her laughter made all his doubts fade away. It was the same contentment and peace that he encountered as a child when he escaped to the lake outside Honnleath. Except this time he wasn’t alone. 

Kai was staring expectantly at him. 

“Alright,” he conceded.

“Good,” she nodded. “And now, sleep,” she urged, shuffling down and settling her head back onto his chest. 

Cullen folded his arms around her, his fingers playing with her hair. Kai was still impossible, but he knew precisely what he had. He would never let her go, ever again.

“Goodnight Kai,” he said.

“Night, Cullen,” she replied.

It wasn’t long before he was asleep, a lock of her hair wrapped around his finger.

\-------------------------------------------------

Kai woke later that morning, her head still on Cullen’s chest. As usual, it took her some minutes to wake fully, and for her brain to develop coherent thought. She carefully withdrew his arm so as not to wake him, sensing a tug on her hair. Reaching back, she discovered a lock of her hair draped around his finger and gently undid it before laying his arm down and shuffling away, and off the bed. She stood there staring at him, watching him sleep. 

He was magnificent, she thought, sighing. Not to mention stubborn and kind and funny and...she loved him, she loved everything about him, even his grumpiness. It took a rare person to forgive the decision she made, and Cullen was nothing if not rare and extraordinary. And Maker, she was mooning over him. Well partly at least, now spotting the slight rise in the blanket as her eyes tracked his body. The flash of heat inside her was signalling an altogether different response to him.

Too much to do she reminded herself, exhaling heavily and scratching her head. Kai grabbed her backpack and went back the bed, sitting down and rifling through it to recover her clothes. Tugging out the breastband she glared at it. Josephine was adamant though, and Kai had promised her she would wear one for the period of the negotiations. She groaned to herself. 

Kai had always abhorred the damn things; they felt constricting, and she avoided them, conscious that her breasts were sufficiently firm to be able to get away without one. Plus all the exercise she received from her using her bow, and battle in general, had strengthened her muscles even more. Kai stood up, lifting her nightshirt over head. She heard movement and Cullen’s voice.

“Maker, you’re beau...where did you get that?”

‘That?’ she wondered and then realised. Ohh crap, the scar, he hadn’t seen it yet. Kai turned, holding the nightshirt against her. Cullen was lying on his side, propped up on his arm, frowning at her. She smiled weakly.

“Sit down,” he instructed, and she perched on the edge of the bed, feeling it dip as he moved behind her. 

“I...tripped in Emprise...and got snagged by a Red Templar chasing me. Bull stitched it up, but it is a little...messy,” she conceded.

Cullen pulled her hair out of the way with one hand while his fingers felt along her scar. He let out an exasperated sigh, his breath flowing across her shoulder. The touch of his fingers and his breath on her wasn’t helping her to concentrate. But Kai recognised she had to explain.

“It’s not Bull’s fault it’s like that. I tugged the stitches open when we fought Imshael. He had to patch me up again,” she informed him.

“A Red Templar was chasing you?” Cullen inquired pointedly.

She was going to have to describe it all...carefully. “We discovered a group of Red Templars, plus a Behemoth, in a confined area within the quarry. Obviously, we couldn’t take on all of them in there with that thing slamming away at us at the same time. So, I came up with an idea...” Kai paused. 

“And?” he urged. His tone was somewhat less clipped.

“We agreed to draw the Red Templars into a tunnel to deal with them, a tunnel where the Behemoth couldn’t fit. Once they were out of the way, we could handle the Behemoth more easily. I went in stealthed, used grenades and arrows to take out one of them, and then presented myself to drag the rest of them away,” she reported.

Kai swung around slightly to watch Cullen. He was frowning, likely a tad annoyed, but curious too. 

“Go on,” he acknowledged.

“Well, it worked...but I stumbled in the tunnel and one of them caught me with his sword. However, we did take them out and then dealt with the Behemoth. It was much simpler to take him down that way,” she maintained. Kai fixed him with a stare. “It was a logical plan, Cullen,” she reiterated.

“You were bait,” he stated bluntly.

“Well...yes,” she conceded reluctantly. 

“It was a sensible strategy, but why did it have to be you,” he grumbled.

“Because I was a tempting target. We overheard others saying ‘the Elder One’s blessings on he who slaughters the Herald’. It meant they ignored their orders to guard the mine, to pursue the reward instead. The reward being me. I picked up a minor injury rather than all of us getting worse ones, Cullen,” she explained in justification.

Cullen shook his head and exhaled, kneading his face.

Kai turned around and faced him. “Look, we’re often outnumbered, so we can’t rely on just strength, we have to utilise whatever opportunities are available to us. If that includes me being bait occasionally, then that’s what we do. Cassandra, Dorian, Bull and I work together as a unit now, and we all recognise what we can and cannot handle. We understand that occasionally we have to take risks, but they are _not_ unnecessary ones.”

Kai held on to her shirt with one hand as she cupped Cullen’s cheek. “So what if I can’t wear backless dresses anymore? It was a trivial price to pay for obtaining the information on Samson.” She was joking, but making a serious point too.

Cullen took hold of her hand and kissed her palm gently. “I realise that,” he sighed, “but you can’t blame me for preferring it to be otherwise.”

“I appreciate that, and if there was an alternative, I’d have chosen that. Believe me; I don’t relish being a target all the time. But sometimes I have no option, Cullen. The Anchor put me here and I have to make the best of it whether I like it or not. I made a commitment when you all made me Inquisitor. To do what was right and to fight for everyone, and I absolutely intend to fulfil that pledge.” Kai folded her fingers into his hand, his rugged hand which always felt so reassuring and safe, just like Cullen himself. 

“But being with you makes it all bearable,” she announced, smiling. “I’m glad we...”

“So am I,” he interrupted, smiling back at her. 

“Besides,” she winked. “Some men find scars attractive on a woman.”

“Really?” he lifted an eyebrow. 

Kai nodded and let go of his hand, twisting her shoulder to show him. “And you can’t tell me that’s not one hell of a scar,” she chuckled. “Beats most of yours, hands down.”

“I wasn’t aware this was a competition,” he grinned.

Kai chewed her lip, pondering his words. “Hmm, it wasn’t, but now you mention it...” she teased.

“Kai...” he replied accusingly, knitting his brows. 

She couldn’t help but snicker. Cullen sighed with a weary expression.

“Anyway Commander, I can’t sit here bantering with you all day, I have Fereldens and Orlesians to wrangle,” she joked turning aside, planning to get dressed.

She didn’t get very far. His hand held onto her shoulder. 

“Surely you have a few minutes, Inquisitor?” he suggested invitingly.

She grinned. “I guess I can manage a few minutes, Commander,” she conceded. “And then we get breakfast. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” he affirmed, smiling.

Cullen pulled her gently onto her back and leaned over her. Kai sighed and threaded her fingers into his hair.

He kissed her again. This kiss went on longer, and was significantly more passionate than their earlier one. It had been weeks since they’d slept together. Her insides started to burn as he devoured her mouth and his hand fondled her back, pressing them together. His erection pressing into her hip told her he had the same reaction.

It made her want more; she wanted him. His mouth, his hands...Maker, just all of him. She wanted to feel that initial clench when he pushed inside her, opening her up, then slowly building up an unyielding pace until he drove her into the mattress as he took her over the edge... 

Sweet Maker! She had to stop thinking about it and focus before she lost control. What sense she had left in her brain was telling her they couldn’t, not now. There was insufficient time and too much to do. Before even that tiny amount of sense deserted her, she broke away.

“Cullen...” she breathed.

“I know...” he exhaled. 

Cullen brushed his lips against her ear and stroked her hip, whispering in detail precisely what she could expect tonight. The pitch of his voice was lower as he spoke, fuelling the need inside her. Her eyes closed, listening to his words. 

He then said it...

Kai’s eyes opened wide. “Cullen, you said...” she exclaimed, chuckling.

“Yes I did,” he insisted, cutting in. Seeing her face he grinned and ran his finger over her lips. “So...easily,” he drawled.

She bit her lip and gazed at him. “I trust you are a man of your word, Commander?” she challenged.

“For you, Inquisitor, always,” Cullen smirked. 

Kai just sighed, rolling a curl of his hair around her finger. Tonight, she hummed to herself. 

_All she had to do was get through the day._


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Peace Talks: Day 2 Pt 1
> 
> The pre-negotiation work means that there is just one major issue outstanding as the talks begin. Kai organises a solution, but it's the response of the two parties that leads her to contemplate who and what she has become. Cullen receives a visit from Varric.  
> .  
> .

Kai, Ryla and Josephine were in the War Room making last minute preparations before the Ferelden and Orlesian parties arrived for the morning session of the peace talks. The War Table had been moved to one side, cleared of the mission markers and covered with an enormous cloth. It wouldn’t be prudent to reveal their operations in such a sensitive situation. 

They had sourced a smaller round table for the negotiations, for when the two parties met face to face. Josephine considered it less adversarial than having them face each other across an ordinary rectangular table. Another small detail, but the Inquisition’s diplomatic reputation would be significantly enhanced by a successful peace treaty. Conversely if the whole thing collapsed, so could their reputation. 

Kai agreed with her. Military successes were one thing, but helping to produce diplomatic solutions could provide an enduring legacy, no matter how long the Inquisition itself remained. The three of them got together early, so Josephine and Ryla could update Kai on the informal conversation last night between Alistair and Celene, before the morning session commenced.

Both parties had already been given the terms suggested by each side, and a schedule for the talks. Most of the requests were in agreement, easily dealt with. But it was the border issue that would prove to be a problem, or more accurately the soldiers stationed either side, adjacent to the border.

“King Alistair is concerned about Orlesian troops sitting on the other side of his border,” Ryla reported. 

“Empress Celene insists they are there to prevent incursions by Red Templars and Venatori. And points out there are Ferelden troops positioned close to the other side of her border as well,” Josephine responded.

“He maintains his troops serve the same purpose, and won’t be swayed to move them,” Ryla explained.

“Neither will she. She cites security as the issue, not an intent to invade,” Josephine confirmed.

“So that’s our major sticking point?” Kai saw the two of them nod in agreement. “Is it solely that, or do you think they might be grandstanding just a little?” she asked.

Josephine glanced at Ryla before speaking. Kai guessed they previously discussed this between themselves. Of course they would have, both were skilled mediators, used to dealing with egos as well as disputes.

“Security is the primary concern, but we suspect neither side appreciates the concept of being instructed by the other where their armies should or shouldn’t be,” she informed Kai.

Kai could understand that, they were protecting their territory as sovereigns. She scratched her head, pondering if there was any feasible solution to this issue. The accessible part of the border was short; most of the territory between the two states consisted of the Frostbacks, the Mountains and the Basin. If it was just that short section they were bothered about, perhaps the Inquisition could offer a way around the problem.

She had an idea, but recognised it could be a contentious one. Plus she had to talk to Cullen before they even submitted it to the two parties. There was no point making the proposition if they were unable to provide the manpower. But first she had to learn what her facilitators thought. She watched Josephine and Ryla carefully as she spoke.

“I have a notion,” Kai began. “Please advise me if this sounds ludicrous or if I’ll introduce another set of complications by suggesting this, but...” she smiled, and paused then catching a somewhat apprehensive expression on Josephine’s face.

“Inquisitor, this is not the moment for joking,” she reproached her.

“Trust me Josie; I’m serious about the idea. My apologies if you thought it was meant in jest,” Kai replied reassuringly. Josephine appeared relieved at her reply.

Kai continued. “We could offer to safeguard the border for them. Our soldiers have more experience with Red Templars and Venatori than both armies. We could establish an intermediary zone, allowing them to pull back their soldiers. With Inquisition forces in the zone, it would ensure there are no inadvertent clashes with one side pursuing the enemy into the other’s territory. I realise it’s possible a small group of Corypheus’ forces might slip through. However their soldiers could handle any enemy that penetrates that far. Our role would be to monitor the border, solely until we defeat Corypheus. Afterwards we can leave and there would be no requirement for their troops to be stationed adjacent to the border.”

She stared expectantly at both of them, waiting for their views.

There was silence, and Kai started to wonder if this time her strategic mind had subverted her diplomatic one. Maybe she should quit seeking to do everything herself. She was just about to throw the whole concept out when Ryla spoke.

“It could work...it could be a solution that favours both sides if we present it in the appropriate fashion. What I can say is that Arl Teagan will raise concerns; he is uneasy about Inquisition influence. I found him the most resistant.”

“Yes, I’ve seen that,” Kai agreed. “He’s already inquired about how long our camps will remain in Ferelden. I think I managed to satisfy him on that score. For the time being at least.” Kai looked at Josephine. “What do you think, Josie? Would Celene be agreeable?”

“Providing it was a limited intervention, and only until we defeat Corypheus, I judge she would agree. I suspect she would be less anxious about our soldiers than the Chevaliers who supported Gaspard,” Josephine affirmed, sounding more optimistic.

“Indeed, Maker knows what he pledged to them for their support. All it would take would be one overzealous commander to trigger a confrontation, and the whole matter could escalate out of control," Kai told them.

“You’ve hit the nail on the head there, Inquisitor,” Ryla replied. “But...perhaps we could be a little canny. Offering the idea to each side individually, tailored specifically for each party’s concerns?” she recommended.

Kai saw Josephine smile. “I concur with Ryla, it would be best to submit it after the primary session, in the individual meetings after lunch, perhaps? Both sides need a peace treaty, all we have to do is provide them a means to withdraw from this issue without losing face.”

Now Ryla was smiling too. There was one just more detail to check...

“Perfect, that’s settled then. I will leave the persuasion in your capable hands,” Kai smiled widely at them both. “But...I will need to speak to the Commander first. We have Corypheus to deal with, and I don’t wish to draw off too much strength from Cullen’s forces before we have to take him on. Let me talk with the Commander, and we’ll take it from there.”

“Agreed,” they both acknowledged.

“So, one last matter,” Kai grinned. “Anyone care to wager on the Ferelden reaction as we wait for the Orlesian contingent? One silver says they will complain twice,” she stated.

“Three times,” Ryla insisted.

“I say four,” Josephine continued.

The door opened, and Alistair, Teagan and Fergus entered, a little sooner than the appointed time. Kai whispered an aside to her colleagues.

“We’re on, ladies.”

Ryla stepped forward to join her party, taking her place next to them at the table. As Josephine sat in her designated seat, Kai went to the door. The messenger they had on hand was standing by, and she sent a note to Cullen informing him she needed to speak with him during the lunch interval. Kai then took her seat, her facilitators either side of her.

As they made light conversation waiting for Celene and her advisors to appear, Kai knew all of them were ready to commence counting.

The Orlesians eventually turned up and took their assigned places. Kai began the welcome, first with formal greetings, and then reiterating the format of the negotiations.They would then follow on detailing the terms from each side, noting areas where each side agreed. Those areas under dispute would be taken to the individual sessions in the afternoon. So far it appeared there was only the one major point to be thrashed out. 

Ryla was turning out to be an admirable choice as facilitator. Kai and Josephine would be poorer by a silver each. 

\---------------------------------------------------------

When Cullen received the message from the Inquisitor in the morning, he issued a note of his own to Cook, a special request, to be included to his lunch tray. Kai’s standing order was still in place for food to be delivered to him, although periodically he would use the dining hall facilities instead. 

At the moment, it was simpler to eat at his desk and continue working. If Kai spotted him, nothing would be mentioned, but she would give him a reproving stare. He placed his reports on the opposite end of his desk from the meal tray.

There was a knock at the door. “Come in,” Cullen shouted.

When he realised it was Varric, a slight frown crossed his face. “Varric,” he said wearily.

“Is that any kind of greeting, Curly? Anyone would assume you weren’t pleased to see me,” he smirked.

“Perish the thought,” Cullen replied cynically. “What do you want?” he sighed. Whatever Varric wanted, he doubtless wouldn’t like it, Cullen thought to himself. 

“I was wondering when I could borrow Izzy, you know, for her lessons...” Varric asked peering at the empty dog basket sitting by the bookcase. “Is she out and about again?”

“Yes, she is,” Cullen confirmed. “Are you actually planning to teach her to play Wicked Grace?” he queried. He’d agreed because Kai prompted him to, but nevertheless thought it was a mad scheme.

“Well, I have to now. Bull’s bet me I can’t get her to withhold her tells.” He flapped his hand dismissively on seeing Cullen’s eyes grow wide. “Too much ale after the game last night, he nabbed me whilst I wasn’t in the clearest of heads.”

A smile burst out on Cullen’s face. “How much?” he inquired.

“You know Curly, you take far too much satisfaction from my discomfort,” Varric accused, an affronted frown appearing

“How much?” Cullen repeated, folding his arms. This was fun, watching Varric wriggle. Especially after Cullen had repeatedly suffered Varric’s remarks.

Varric coughed, clearing his throat. “Thirty sovereigns,” he declared quietly.

“You’re not serious!” Cullen exclaimed. Even drunk how could he have agreed to that. Cullen grinned. “So, it all depends on me allowing you to borrow Izzy, does it?”

Varric gave him a sly look. “Now, you wouldn’t want Dopey to learn you’re welching on your word, would you?”

Damn, Varric had him there. Kai would insist he honoured his agreement. However much he sought to mock him, he would have to relinquish Izzy.

“Very well,” he groaned. “You can have her in a couple of days. The Inquisitor and I will be away for a few weeks. But,” he pointed a finger at Varric, “no overdoing it. Look after her.”

“Trust me Curly, I guarantee to take good care of her,” he agreed, holding up his palm to emphasise that. 

“Good,” Cullen responded. “Make certain you do.”

“Look, I know I’d have Dopey to answer to, as well as you if I didn’t, and I don’t want to piss off an assassin, good natured as she is.” Varric insisted. 

Cullen had to ask. “I recognise you give people nicknames, but couldn’t you have chosen something a little less...derogatory for the Inquisitor?”

Varric cut in. “Hey, I didn’t pick it, she offered it, well...sort of,” he argued.

Cullen could see he was telling the truth. “How?” he demanded. This he had to hear.

“Well, you know how dozy she is first thing...of course _you_ do,” Varric smirked as Cullen rolled his eyes. 

“Get on with it,” Cullen grumbled. He could see from Varric’s posture, he was about to be regaled with one of his tales. 

Varric smiled. “Back at the beginning, first morning in the Hinterlands, Cassandra is getting us all up, loudly may I mention. No regard for subtlety, our Seeker. Dopey waltzes out of her tent, half asleep, no pants or boots on, just a shirt and smalls. The Seeker is a little astonished shall we say, as we all were to be honest, and so points it out to her. She just gives us a glazed look and says ‘Oh, I’m dopey,’ and ambles back into her tent. Well, it just sounded so apt, how could I resist?”

It did sound like her. Anyone who caught her in those minutes when she awoke would appreciate what Kai was like. But wandering out of her tent into camp, scarcely dressed. Maker’s breath!

“Besides,” Varric continued, “she’s never objected to it.” He arched an eyebrow. “Curly, there is no disrespect intended. Of course we tease her, but we all realise how far she’ll go to help people. Believe me, she’s more than demonstrated that.” 

“I know,” Cullen said quietly, his hand reaching for the back of his neck. 

There was a brief silence before Varric spoke again. “Right, now we’ve actually found something to agree on, I may need to go and sit down just to recover from the shock,” he announced.

The seriousness obviously didn’t last long, Cullen thought. He saw Varric’s eyes dart a look at his dinner tray, and smile.

“Hmm, expecting her I see,” he observed.

“Goodbye Varric,” Cullen frowned.

“Curly,” he nodded. Varric turned and strode to the door, and as he opened it, Kai was standing there, about to knock.

“Hello Varric,” she addressed him, smiling.

“He’s got blueberry pastries for you,” Varric laughed as he left, an irritated shout from Cullen following him out of the door.

Cullen saw Kai beaming. She dashed over, flinging her arms around him. “Thank you!” she said excitedly.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” he grumbled. One of these days, he thought...

“It still is,” Kai assured him, stroking his back. “Can I have one now?” she implored, eyes bright.

Cullen smiled at her excitement, and couldn’t resist the opportunity to snag a kiss. “Perhaps after a proper thank you,” he smirked, leaning down to kiss her. He could feel her humming as he did.

As he broke away, she asked again. “Now?”

“Yes,” he chuckled. “Help yourself.”

“I need this,” she told him, greedily biting into the pastry, the juices running down her chin. She wiped her face and snickered.

Cullen just shook his head and grabbed the other one, placing the pastry into his mouth whole, before chewing on it. He noticed her face register surprise. 

“Wow,” she said, pausing. “That’s...surprisingly erotic,” she exhaled, peering at his mouth. 

“What?!” he exclaimed. Eating a pastry was...erotic? 

“I mean, the way you...” she cleared her throat, catching the incredulous expression on his face. “Concentration, Kai,” she berated herself. 

“Yes, indeed,” he concurred, making a mental note to find out more later on. He waited as she finished eating the rest of hers, still staring as she did.

“You wanted to see me?”

Cullen saw Kai become the Inquisitor as her face focused, and she perched on his desk. “I did. We have a sticking point in the negotiations. Both Ferelden and Orlais have troops stationed either side of the border to safeguard against incursions by Corypheus’ forces. Neither side want to move them for said reason. However...” she paused, “...we would like to propose an intermediary zone, safeguarded by Inquisition troops, there to serve with that purpose, and only until we defeat Corypheus. They could move their forces back negating any suspicion about inadvertent incursions. Any enemy in that sector could be dealt with by Inquisition troops.”

“It’s a way out, but I needed to talk to you first, to determine if you think we can provide the manpower to handle it. How much of a strain on our resources would it be, and how would it affect our preparation for a battle with Corypheus’s army?” She was regarding him attentively for his reply.

“You’re talking about peacekeeping, in effect,” he stated bluntly.

“Yes, but we’re not calling it that, Cullen. That would not fly,” she replied unequivocally. 

Cullen sat on the desk next to her, considering her suggestion. There was no question about a drain on their resources, furnishing troops for this purpose would do that. But there were other issues too. He folded his arms before turning to her.

“Yes, it would unquestionably have an impact. If we did this, I would have to ensure we used experienced soldiers, veterans. Those that could handle any issues that cropped up. The less experienced ones would have to remain with the main force which means upping the instruction for them. Because when we do encounter Corypheus, we have to be ready.” 

Cullen saw her face wrinkle evidently fearing her plan wasn’t going to work.

“But,” he continued. “We will have the support of the Orlesian army, and the various assorted rag tag groups you’ve built alliances with. Yes, that includes the Blades of Hessarian, loath as I am to admit your decision to recruit them was the right one,” he conceded.

Cullen saw the satisfied smile and rolled his eyes. He’d disagreed about her choice of allies early on, but her decisions had borne fruit.

“And we have the mages, the Chargers, and we still have Templars joining us. Not all were corrupted, not all responded the order to join the Lord Seeker.” He smiled at her. “Your Commander agrees with your plan, Inquisitor. The question is, will they accept it?”

She nudged him. “That is the next hurdle, Commander. But I thank you for your appraisal and your endorsement.”

“It would be sensible to talk to Leliana too. She may be able to spare some scouts. Intelligence will be just as necessary as manpower,” Cullen informed her. 

They would be immensely effective, being able to move swiftly and support his troops in identifying problems more effectively. He could guess what was coming next and smiled again when he heard her.

“I knew there was a reason I loved you,” she told him, with a wry smile.

“Another one?” he inquired, adopting the familiar routine.

“You keep giving them, Cullen, I’ll keep taking them,” she came back, as he mouthed her reply to her.

She was chuckling now. “Yes, I am predictable, I know. But I mean it. Without all of you I couldn’t do justice to the role of being Inquisitor,” she admitted. “But you, Cullen, you allow me to be more than just the Inquisitor.”

Cullen took Kai’s hand. “That is good to know,” he acknowledged. 

“And you give me something else...”

“What’s that?”

“Hope.”

Cullen cupped her face and kissed her. As she broke away she smiled, and pressed her lips to his ear. “And you have the cutest arse I’ve ever seen on a man,” she whispered cheekily. 

“You are unquestionably, undeniably, the most impossible woman I’ve ever met,” he announced, with a teasing frown.

She winked. “But you knew what you were getting,” she laughed. “And I have to go and see Leliana before I return to my colleagues. Thank you, Cullen,” she added, squeezing his hand before letting go of it, and hopping off the desk.

He nodded, then had a thought. “How many naked bottoms have you seen?” he questioned cautiously, lifting an eyebrow. 

“A few more now than before,” she snickered. “Dorian’s is rather nice, so is Bull’s too; although a little large for my tastes.”

Cullen’s eyes became wide, and his mouth sagged.

“Cullen,” she tutted. “One cannot be picky about nudity when all you have is a small lake to wash in.”

“R...Right,” he stammered, his hand finding the back of his neck.

“And you wouldn’t believe how large Bull’s...” she began, in a conspiratorial tone.

“Sweet Maker! I really don’t need to know any more,” he urged, interrupting abruptly. “You had somewhere else to be, I believe?”

“I did,” she grinned. He caught her peek at his meal tray. “Enjoy your lunch,” she snickered and sauntered away.

Cullen looked back down at the tray and rolled his eyes. Ram sausages. Maker’s breath! After the image she planted in his head, he couldn’t actually face them now.

“Katarina!” he growled as she opened the door. 

This time there was no scowl, no narrowing of the eyes, no threat; just a rich, melodious laugh as she halted and looked back at him. She cocked her head. “So...easily,” she drawled and walked out the door, still laughing.

Cullen gave up and conceded defeat...for now.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Kai puffed out a breath, agitatedly tapping the envelope in her hand on the table. Ryla and Josephine were in with their parties now, presenting the solution they had settled on. But it was her idea and if it went wrong, she was the one who would assume liability for that failure. Had she been a woman of faith, she’d be praying now, but she wasn’t. Kai had only her conscience to rely on.

If that wasn’t sufficient to raise her anxiety levels, the envelope she held in her hand was from her father. She discovered it on her desk after dealing with arrangements for the border plan. It was unopened. His initial letter had arrived whilst she was in Emprise, weeks ago now. Lyssa had been here about a week, and both had no intention of returning, or complying with their father’s demands. Kai hadn’t written to him because both she and Lyssa were fully conscious of his reaction if they rejected his orders. 

This was no good. She had to leave the letter to one side, at least for now. The fate of nations was more important than her father’s fury. Kai threw the envelope onto her desk and rested her palms against her forehead, breathing deeply to settle her nerves. 

She heard soft footsteps moving down the stairs from the Library, and reflexively felt for the knife concealed in her tunic before she recognised them.

She looked up and smiled. “Hello Leliana,” Kai announced before she rounded into the rotunda.

Leliana chuckled softly.”I’m impressed. We may make a bard out of you yet.”

“No thanks, Orlais is fine in small doses, but not for the long term,” Kai replied, stretching out her arms, seeking to disperse the tension.

“Yes, I think you were always more inclined to Ferelden, judging by your predilections,” she teased, perching on the desk. “Not to mention your taste in men.”

“What can I say, I prefer my men to grunt and drag me off by the hair,” Kai joked.

Leliana arched an eyebrow. “Such things you admit to. I shall see Cullen in quite a different light now. I always pegged him as being on the cautious side where women were concerned.” She fidgeted with her glove. “So...tell me,” she insisted fixing Kai with her stare.

“Well, I would imagine you already know where I spent last night. Yes, we are back together or more accurately in the process of putting things back together. There’s not been time for a proper discussion on where we go from here. That’s still to take place.”

Kai frowned. “But I nearly did more than just hurt him. I woke from the nightmare, spotted movement and panicked. I tried to open a rift, Leliana. It wasn’t until Cullen shouted at me that I realised it was him. Maker, I could have killed him. I’m to be back with him tonight, but what happens if I do it again?”

“You make provision, safeguards, something to protect him. You both come up with a solution,” Leliana replied matter-of-factly. 

“As easy as that?” Kai queried.

Leliana sighed heavily, tutting. “Of course. Concentrate on solving it rather than anguishing about what might have been.” 

Kai smiled gently. “Thank you.”

“Really Kai, the amount of advice I give you, perhaps I should start charging,” she quipped, smirking.

“Put it on the tab, I already owe you more than I can ever repay,” Kai acknowledged.

“As you are so obligated to me...why don’t you tell me what you and Josie are up to?” Leliana’s face was impassive now. Kai sensed she was fishing, she didn’t actually know for once.

“We’re not up to anything. Josie was merely carrying out an assignment at my request,” she told her, her face equally placid.

Leliana observed her, doubtless waiting for Kai to crack. She didn’t, but she equally didn’t wish to Leliana to assume it was something questionable. “You will find out, is all I can say for now. And I give you my word, it’s nothing dreadful.” Kai smiled reassuringly.

“Oh I will, because you’ve actually offered me a challenge. I love a challenge,” Leliana smiled. She indicated behind her towards the Great Hall. “They’re both in with them now?” she inquired.

“Yes,” Kai exhaled. “I hope this works.”

“Well, if not, I’m sure three skilled negotiators such as yourselves can come up with something else,” Leliana replied.

“Make that two and half and you’ll be closer to the truth,” Kai sighed. “Sadly I’m not what I once was.”

“No you’re not, you’re the Inquisitor now. You’ve adapted. We all make compromises, Kai. You have had to make more than most.” Leliana leant down and kissed Kai gently on the forehead. “And you will get us through this, I know,” she smiled softly.

“Only with all of you supporting me,” Kai stressed.

“That is what we are here for,” Leliana reminded her.

They heard the door to the Great Hall open and shifted to see who it was. Ryla came through. She wasn’t smiling, but she wasn’t frowning either. Kai glanced back at Leliana.

“We’ll talk more later,” Leliana said, before acknowledging Ryla and going back up the stairs to the Rookery.

Kai stared at Ryla. Please don’t let it be a no, she thought to herself.

“Well, what news Ryla?” she asked.

“King Alistair would like to speak with you. They require more reassurance about what would occur...should something happen to you,” she revealed, observing Kai’s reaction.

“Ohh, I see.” Kai wasn’t entirely sure herself what the actual arrangement was. No doubt there would be a replacement, but she wasn’t familiar with the procedure for managing that. She then had another thought.

“Are they concerned about the process or another person?” she investigated.

Ryla was definite in her response. “Another person. Inquisitor, they trust you would keep your pledge. What they are sceptical about is someone unknown taking over in your stead.”

“Right, then we may be able to provide a provision or article to alleviate that worry. Thank you Ryla,” she nodded.

Kai got up and wandered over to the door with Ryla. Before they could leave, the door opened and Josephine entered.

“Josie?” Kai asked. 

“Empress Celene would like to speak with you. She wishes to know what would happen should you...”

“Die?” replied Kai bluntly. This scenario was somehow familiar.

“Indeed, they are troubled about someone else stepping into the role, someone they do not know,” she revealed.

Kai glanced at Ryla, and they both looked at Josephine.

“King Alistair had the same question,” Ryla informed Josephine. “We were just about to go and talk with him.”

“Yes, I was considering a provision or article. Something that would safeguard them in the event I die. Because that’s what it appears to boil down to,” Kai concluded.

“Oh, I see. Yes that would work,” Josephine responded. “A simple matter, wouldn’t you say," she continued glancing at Ryla.

“Absolutely,” Ryla agreed. “Providing they are content with the wording, I expect we may have a result. But let’s not call this until both sides concur,” she cautioned.

Small smiles crossed Josephine’s and Ryla’s faces. Kai recognised if they pulled this off, it would be an incredible result for everyone. It would cement the Inquisition’s reputation, and those of both Ryla and Josephine.

And hers, as Inquisitor. She smiled back.

But their requests unnerved her. The wording would say Inquisitor on the treaty, but it was her, Kai Trevelyan they were actually referring to. Until this point, she’d never fully appreciated how she and the role were intertwined.

For the first time, she felt the burden of what the Inquisition had become. _What she had become._ Possessing that measure of power and influence should _not_ be concentrated in one individual’s hands, however benign and well meaning their intent. Not to mention an individual who bore the ability to break open the Fade.

An idiom she heard as a child came back to her now; _the road to hell is paved with good intentions._


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Peace Talks: Day 2 Pt 2
> 
> The peace talks successfully concluded, new issues arise for Kai, this time with her family.  
> .  
> .

Kai looked around the Chantry room, wondering why on earth she had even come here. Perched on the one bench left there, she had thought maybe if she just sat in the room, something might spark inside her, but nothing, there was positively nothing. No revelation, no rekindling of her faith. She let out a long deep breath, conscious there were no answers for her here. All she was left with was her own conscience, no different from when she started this journey. All she could hope for was that her conscience wouldn’t let her down. 

The door opened.

“Inquisitor,” Mother Giselle greeted her. “It is unusual to find you here,” she noted with her usual calm demeanour.

“I was just searching for some...quiet to collect my thoughts,” Kai replied, mustering a slight smile. Something was what she wanted to say, but quiet wasn’t a lie.

“Did you find what you were searching for?” she inquired, sitting next to Kai.

“The quiet...yes,” Kai affirmed, glancing at her.

Mother Giselle’s expression hardly ever varied, the same serene, sympathetic look seemed to be a perpetual feature. Except for that one occasion with Dorian, but even then she did not display anger as someone else would. It was more akin to impatience. 

“The Maker has put you on a difficult path, Inquisitor,” Mother Giselle announced, watching Kai.

“Has _he_ truly?” Kai responded a little sharply before apologising. “I’m sorry, that was impolite of me. It’s just...” She pondered for a moment seeking to find the words. “You know my position, yet you never questioned it. Mother Giselle, if the Maker exists why would he choose an apostate to lead the Inquisition? There were surely better choices than me.”

Mother Giselle took her hand and spoke quietly. “Child, I do not presume to know the will of the Maker. And nor are you the only one who has questioned why they have been given a difficult task. But never forget, you have the support of everyone here.”

Kai closed her eyes and sighed, holding back the inclination to groan. The comparison to Andraste yet again, and it didn’t help. Andraste believed in the Maker, Kai didn’t. And it really wasn’t an answer to her question. 

She opened her eyes and looked back at Mother Giselle. “I appreciate that support and am thankful for it. But doesn’t the irony of it trouble you? I mean, all this power consolidated in the hands of such an individual, power derived from a Writ handed down from the Divine.”

“Is it the power, or the fact it is derived from the Chantry that actually concerns you?” she challenged.

“The power. To have that in the hands of one person, its...worrying and dangerous. What if I’m making the wrong decisions even if they are for the right reasons? What if seeking to do the right thing leads me to abuse that power?” Kai scratched her head. She hadn’t intended to open up like this, but there was something about Mother Giselle that caused her to do so.

“You doubt yourself; you feel your uncertainty will cause you to falter, to make a mistake?” Mother Giselle asked rhetorically as she did not give Kai a chance to respond. “That doubt, that uncertainty is not a bad thing, Inquisitor. Absolute certainty in oneself can lead to a person to being justified that all their actions are right no matter what.” 

She squeezed Kai’s hand. “We have known many who felt justified in their choices and their power over these last years. Perhaps we needed someone who could look beyond that, someone who questioned, someone who looked at matters from a fresh perspective. I cannot say whether that is the will of the Maker, but I do agree with the Seeker, you were what we needed, when we needed it. Many people live, and are safe as a result of your efforts. Take comfort in that, even if you cannot find comfort elsewhere.”

Comfort, it had been a while since she genuinely felt comfort. These days, peace was more important, those short moments when she could leave aside who she had become. Those moments were rare...and precious. But right now, she had to return to her role, put away her introspection and put the smile back on.

“Thank you, Mother Giselle,” she nodded with a smile.

“Inquisitor,” she acknowledged. “Remember, conscience and compassion are qualities that do not rely on faith. But perhaps in your case I should include a third, laughter.”

Kai shook her head, a brief laugh bubbling out. “Cassandra still maintains _that_ is what I will be remembered for, the humour.” 

“Of that I have no doubt, but I suspect not just that.” Mother Giselle let go of her hand and stood up. 

Kai rose to her feet too. “I should get back, I just wished to take a few moments,” she declared, straightening her tunic. 

“Yes, word has already spread of the successful outcome of the peace negotiations. A fine accomplishment for all of you,” Mother Giselle replied. 

“It was a team effort,” Kai remarked. “A lot of people made this happen.”

“Is it ever anything but that, Inquisitor?” Mother Giselle smiled knowingly, bowing her head. 

Before Kai could answer, she turned and left. Mother Giselle was correct; it was invariably a collective effort. As much as the responsibility rested with her, the work was carried out by many individuals. And now Josephine and Ryla would be liaising with the scribes to ensure two copies of the treaty were drawn up ready for signing tomorrow. Kai would be the neutral witness on behalf of the Inquisition.

But tonight, there would be music, food and dancing to celebrate, Skyhold style. Kai grinned, it would nice to celebrate something, and she would enjoy dancing for fun rather than for politics as she had at Halamshiral. It was a pity Cullen eschewed dancing; she would have loved to dance with him. 

Kai left the Chantry room and headed out through the garden, back to the rotunda. As she opened the door to leave, she ran straight into Fergus.

“Inquisitor...Kai...dammit, what do I call you?” he groaned frustratedly.

“Fergus, between the two of us, I’m always Kai,” she advised him. “We’ve known each other too long to be messing about with titles.”

“Teagan always deals with all of this better than I do. I just sit there and nod most of the time.” He rolled his eyes and Kai couldn’t help but grin. He gave her a wry smile. “Yes I’m fully aware all this formality came more naturally to Aedan. He would have made a good Teryn with you at his side.”

Kai had no wish to go down this road anymore, and diplomatically sidestepped his observation. She stepped forward and laced her arm around his.

“Fergus, you are an admirable Teryn, you’re fair and honourable. Stuff the formality; I’m confident the people on your estate would rather have you than someone who can charm dignitaries. You just need someone to do that bit for you,” she smiled.

Fergus coughed. “Well actually,” be began, a little embarrassed. “I was just coming to find you. Can we talk somewhere?” he asked glancing around.

“How private is this? More than over a game of chess?” she indicated to the chess table in the gazebo. The garden was reasonably quiet, that section especially. 

He peered over. “That’ll be fine,” he agreed. 

The two of them strolled over to the chess table, and Kai set it up, seeing Fergus a little restless. Which was surprising because she invariably thought him quite confident, official business aside.

“So, what did you want to discuss?” she inquired calmly.

“Lyssa,” he replied.

“What about Lyssa?” she queried, starting to wonder if this was to do with dinner last night. She noticed the way Lyssa looked at Fergus, but hadn’t seen his responses.

He sat up straight in his chair as if he was sitting to attention. “I’d like your permission to court her,” he declared adamantly.

Kai’s hand stopped dead, her fingers holding one of the pieces. “Fergus, she’s my _older_ sister. Why in the Maker’s name are you asking me?” she questioned.

“We talked at length last night. I understand there are issues with your father, and that she is presently under your jurisdiction, so I thought...” he stalled as Kai stared at him. 

She coughed, this was just too odd. “Look, Lys is here with me, and yes she is my responsibility while she is. But you’re both adults. Fergus, it’s gentlemanly of you to ask, but you really don’t need to. I’m not my sister’s keeper.” Kai paused and withdrew her fingers from the chess piece. “The only thing I would caution you about is that she’s coming out of a...difficult situation, and well, I don’t wish to see either of you get hurt.”

“Kai, I’m well aware of what she’s been through. We spoke frankly with each other. She’s the first woman I’ve felt comfortable with for years, and maybe it’s time for me to put the past behind me too,” he admitted. 

The slight agitation was now gone. Kai was mindful of how lonely it could be holding onto a memory, however precious it was. Fergus was a good man and deserved some happiness. As did Lyssa. They had the potential to be good for each other, and Kai had no doubts Fergus would treat her well, and she in turn would thrive in such a relationship.

“Then I wish both of you the best,” Kai smiled softly. She winked at him. “Well, another Trevelyan and Cousland. How about that?”

“Even though she’s a Pentaghast?” he grinned.

“Truth be told, in her heart she never was, and won’t be for much longer,” Kai remarked. “So now that’s out of the way, are you ready to pick up a pasting?”

“If you don’t mind, I’ll forgo that indignity. You always win anyhow,” he chuckled. “I’d like to see Lyssa, spend some time with her now all the discussions are over.”

“Of course,” she smiled. “I should see what’s appeared on my desk while I’ve been elsewhere. The paperwork seems to increase exponentially in my absence,” she complained, shaking her head.

Fergus smiled. “Alistair often says the same thing. The tribulations of leadership he insists. I think he misses just wandering around, fighting foes, righting wrongs etc. He’s up with Leliana at the moment, reminiscing. You can bet she’ll recall more adventures and he’ll be regaling us with them on the way home. Oh, and Teagan asked me to thank you for setting up the meeting with Connor. He has a letter from Eamon, but I expect he wishes to talk with him too.”

Kai nodded. “Anytime. At least they both know Connor is safe with us,” she told him, getting the wry expression. “Well safer than he would have been left with the Venatori. Fergus, none of us are truly safe until this war is over.”

“We all understand that,” he stressed. “But Kai, you all did well making sure this treaty happened at least. We’re indebted to you for that.”

“Even Tegan?” she urged. “He did question me some about the offer of assistance we made on the border issue.” Ryla had been right about his resistance. 

Fergus became serious, his words measured. “Kai, that is his job, to ask the tough questions, to push Alistair. But he understands that you are a woman of your word. We all knew your reputation even before you became Inquisitor and are pleased to see that hasn’t diminished. Had someone else proposed it, I suspect we may not have been sitting here congratulating ourselves on a job done.”

“Thank you, Fergus,” she replied gratefully. To be seen in the light of who she was before all this was somehow...comforting. 

“And now, if you’ll forgive me,” he announced, rising up, smiling. “I plan to take Lady Penterghast on a walk around Skyhold.”

Kai couldn’t resist. “Why don’t you offer her a game of chess? You might even win,” she taunted.

Fergus groaned, fixing her with a frown. “Goodbye, Kai.”

“Goodbye, Fergus,” she snickered, watching him walk back to the Great Hall.

Kai sat there for a minute, just smiling to herself. Second chances, she thought. Maker, she loved second chances. Knowing you had another opportunity to do something made it more likely you would treasure that and not waste it. Then realising she had to go back to her desk, her smile reversed as she recalled her father’s letter was still there, waiting to be read. If anything was likely to ruin today that would be it, but she had to confront it. 

Kai got up and headed back to the rotunda for a second time. Sadler followed on at a discreet distance as usual, remaining outside in the Great Hall as Kai entered the rotunda. Josephine and Ryla were busy with the scribes, so Kai went her desk and hesitantly opened the letter.

The news wasn’t what she anticipated. It was hilarious, and troubling. As Kai read through her father’s demand, she had an urge to chuckle, but also realised that her father had apparently lost his authority as head of House Trevelyan. He was petitioning for aid to prevent an all out feud developing between two branches of the House. The issue looked to be insults traded during the harvest ball in Ostwick over the quality of milch cows, and had escalated to a pitched battle between two hundred soldiers. 

‘Modest in temper’ could not be said to apply to all members of House Trevelyan, notably her cousins mentioned in the letter. As comical as it might be, it was still an issue that needed to be addressed. Kai had just the person in mind, if she could spare the time to fix this problem for her family. But she had to inform Josephine as well.

Kai politely pulled both Ryla and Josephine aside from their work and showed them the letter. Both had the same reaction on initially reading it.

“Really, it would do us good to step in if only to preserve the name of the Trevelyans as a whole,” Josephine insisted, the small smile replaced by some concern.

“Indeed, Josie,” Kai agreed. She turned to Ryla. “As you know something of my family already, I don’t suppose you would be able to mediate on this matter too? I don’t know what your plans are after these talks,” she requested hopefully.

Ryla smiled. “How could I resist a dispute like this? I do have some leeway before my next assignment as I allowed extra time for these negotiations. And luckily, that next assignment is in Starkhaven.” 

“Thank you Ryla, you truly are a treasure,” Kai effused. “I will, of course, cover your fee.” 

Kai could have requested her father pay for Ryla’s aid, but it wouldn’t hurt for him to be a little beholden to her. A little obligation she could use should it be required. 

Ryla nodded in acknowledgement. “Working with you Inquisitor certainly has its amusing aspects. I’ll set out when we’ve wrapped up everything here.”

As the two of them returned to their work, Kai sat at her desk. Lyssa will love this, she thought, smiling again. She now had two letters to write; one to her father confirming she was sending Ryla to mediate between the two sides; the other one to Wilhelm, to give him the same news and to identify out what was really going on with her father. The last thing any of them needed in the present climate was House Trevelyan falling apart. 

After that she had a visit to Harrit and Dagna planned, partially to learn how her new armour was coming along, but also to arrange a commission for them to undertake while she and Cullen were away dealing with Samson.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen sat with Cassandra, Bull and Dorian at one of the rear tables, seeking to stay clear of the social chit chat. The festivities were in full swing, and it appeared everyone was enjoying themselves. Unlike the formal dinner last night, this was a more relaxed affair. He presumed this was Kai’s doing, it had her mark of warmth and friendliness all over it. All of her companions were here, even Sera, and he saw Josephine’s occasional anxious glances until she clearly understood Sera wasn’t going to disrupt anything. 

The Great Hall was bustling with people, but it was to Kai that his attention was frequently drawn to. She was effortlessly mingling, moving from table to table, group to group, sometimes accepting an invitation to dance. 

A voice whispered in his ear, “Instead of boring a hole into her dress by staring at her, why don’t you ask her to dance?” teased Dorian, smirking when he saw Cullen look aghast at the notion.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Cullen scoffed. “I’ve no intention making of an idiot of myself, never mind possibly crushing her feet.”

“Cullen, would it hurt to at least try?” Bull smiled.

“It very possibly would,” he retorted gruffly, unconvinced. 

He had no desire to embarrass himself or Kai. There was enough gossip about both of them, without him providing even more entertainment to the assembled crowd.

“I agree with Cullen,” added Cassandra firmly. “We don’t need the Inquisitor injured before such a critical mission.”

Cullen stared at her and noticed the smile appear. “Very funny,” he grumbled, then heard the three of them laughing. 

“She wants you to ask her,” a voice said behind him. Cullen turned to see Cole standing there, observing him.

Cole still made him a little uneasy, but he had no doubts about him where Kai was concerned. He swung back to catch the others watching him.

“You see, even Cole knows,” Dorian winked. “So...go and ask her.”

Cullen glanced at each of them in turn and then gave a resigned sigh. “There’s a book on this, isn’t there?”

Bull cleared his throat. “Now Cullen, couldn’t it just be three, sorry Cole,” he nodded, “four friends offering you some friendly encouragement,” Bull proposed, leaning across the table, smiling.

“Now I know there’s unquestionably a book on this,” Cullen repeated wearily. He turned around to face Cole. “And I’m surprised to see you in on it, Cole,” he remarked.

Cole stared at Kai. “She does want you to, but she knows you won’t,” he replied glancing back at Cullen.

“Well, plainly she knows me better than all of you,” he stated, folding his arms in defiance. “I’ve no intention of providing amusement for the sake of a bet.”

Cullen looked back towards where Kai was sitting now and caught her eye. She smiled and he couldn’t help but grin back. If he did ask her to dance, it certainly wouldn’t be in public, but maybe later, when they were alone. A slight smirk crossed his face as he recalled his words to her that morning. 

“Oh!” he heard Cole’s startled voice. And then, “she had the same idea,” he added before strolling away.

A light blush crept into Cullen’s cheeks. Maker, he had to remember to keep his thoughts restrained in Cole’s presence. Dorian was smirking at him.

“Well whatever you were thinking about, it’s clearly more fun than dancing,” he laughed.

Cullen groaned again, pushing the thoughts out of his head. As he glanced back at Kai, he could see Leliana going up to her.

Kai was sitting with Lyssa and Fergus, chatting and watching how they glanced at each other. They weren’t wholly strangers, having met when Kai visited Highever years ago. But both were married to other people then. She was pleased, but likewise a little uneasy at the pace their affection for each other was developing. Fergus had invited Lyssa and the children to stay with him at Highever, and Lyssa was enthusiastic about going. Kai couldn’t blame her. Highever didn’t have that feeling of a fortress however strongly it was fortified.

“Inquisitor,” she heard and looked up to see Leliana. 

“Yes, Leliana?” she responded. 

Leliana’s face was relaxed, but Kai caught a flick of the eyes. She knew then this was important.

“May I borrow you for a moment?” she inquired calmly.

Kai smiled, “Of course,” she answered and shifted to Lyssa and Fergus. “Will you excuse me?” 

They nodded and went back to their conversation. She followed Leliana into the joint temporary office in the rotunda.

“Well, what’s happened?” Kai inquired. “Please tell me it’s nothing to do with this peace treaty.”

“No, it’s Cassie. I needed to tell to you first because you have to be prepared to calm Lyssa down should it be necessary.” She laid her hand on Kai’s arm seeing her eyes become large. “She’s not hurt, just very scared. The agent I had keeping an eye on them reported it after calming their governess.” 

Leliana softened her gaze. “Kai, your niece is a mage. She’s just come into her magic. Fiona is with her, and it was fortunate she was retiring to her room when it happened. She instantly stepped in to try to help, but Cassie is struggling to manage her reactions. She is asking for Lyssa, and you. I can make excuses for your absence from the celebrations.”

Kai’s jaw dropped. “Cassie...is a mage?” she exclaimed, her hand covering her mouth. “Maker, she’s only eight.” 

“I know, and frightened,” Leliana informed her, holding her arm comfortingly. 

Kai’s thoughts were racing, a wave of panic passing over her. She had no experience with something like this, and didn’t wish to make a mistake. Cassie was family, blood kin, Lyssa’s child and her niece. Kai understood she would have to settle her own shock before she handled Lyssa. But right now _she_ needed reassurance. She recognised there was one person who could help, someone Kai trusted implicitly. And she knew Cassie liked Cullen, his coat and his sweets. Whatever familiarity she could offer her niece right now to console her, she would.

“Leliana, please can you fetch Cullen? If she is struggling, I want someone I know, and someone who will be kind to her if he has to negate her magic. Maker, I don’t even know if it hurts when Templars do that. After I’ve spoken with Cullen, I’ll talk with Lyssa. I honestly don’t know how she’ll take this.”

“Understood,” Leliana affirmed. “And Kai, don’t forget it couldn’t have happened in a better place for her. All the support she needs is here.”

Kai nodded. Leliana was right. With the mages allied to the Inquisition, their surroundings couldn’t have been a better start for Cassie. And she wouldn’t be confined in a Circle, controlled and watched. But she would also be liable to possession. What transpired with Connor came back to her. He was ample proof of what could occur when children weren’t advised or trained properly. Cassie would require education and instruction to manage her abilities and learn to defend herself. 

It meant she needed to remain in Skyhold; there was no way she could leave on a trip to Highever, at least not now. 

As Cullen and Leliana came in, she could hear Leliana explaining the situation to him. 

Kai went to him, her words tumbling out. “I have no idea what to do here, Cullen. All I do know is she likes you, your coat and your sweets and...” Kai stopped and drew a deep breath. “I trust you. I know you will be kind to her if you have to negate her magic.” She smiled at him with an uneasy hope.

Cullen rested his palms on her shoulders, his face gentle. “Shhh,” he said tenderly. Kai could feel his thumbs brushing her shoulders, soothing her. The small knot of nerves began to unbundle as he spoke. “Listen to me. Without the lyrium, my abilities are weakened, and I may not be able to counter Cassie if her magic is strong. Cassandra would be more effective, and I recommend we seek her help. But...I will be there to reassure her and describe what is involved.” 

He watched her. “Kai, trust me on this?” he urged, soliciting her agreement.

Of course she would, she’d trust Cullen with her life. Kai nodded. “I do.” 

“Good.” He gestured to Leliana. “Could you fetch Cassandra and explain the situation? I have some items to collect from my office.”

Leliana nodded and set off again. Kai was so thankful for the aid. Normally it was her directing, organising, but this time she understood there were people better qualified than her to handle the situation. 

“Now, while Leliana fetches Cassandra, I’ll pick up my coat and some sweets.” he offered, with a smile. “Who knows, a distraction may be all she requires.”

“Thank you,” Kai replied gratefully with a relieved smile. He kissed her on the forehead and set off across the walkway to his tower. Maker, what would she do without him? 

As Leliana returned with Cassandra, she walked her though what had taken place. All Kai could do was thank her. Cassandra rarely used Kai’s name, it was practically always her title. But this situation was personal, and one of the rare occasions Cassandra addressed Kai by her name.

“Kai, I give you my word we will do our best for your niece,” Cassandra told her.

“Does it hurt when you negate the magic?” Kai queried, a little worried. She realised it was a question Lyssa would ask.

“It won’t hurt, I promise,” Cassandra assured her.

“I should fetch Lyssa, to let her know,” she announced, exhaling.

Leliana clasped her arm. “Kai, remember your training,” she insisted, stopping her. “You can do this.”

Kai gave a slow blink to confirm, paused, took a deep breath, and continued on to fetch Lyssa. She was still with Fergus, and Kai asked to borrow her sister, keeping her tone casual so as not to panic her. As they returned to the rotunda, she noticed Cullen was back, carrying his coat and a box. Lyssa looked around, mystified to see Leliana, Cullen and Cassandra there.

“Kai, what’s going on?” she challenged.

Kai took Lyssa’s hands into her own, speaking softly to her sister. If the report had been a shock to Kai, it would be much worse for Lyssa. At first Lyssa was overcome, not entirely certain what she was told was real. Her mouth fell open.

“How can she be a mage? She’s only a child! Maker, she must be so scared, we have to go to her.” Lyssa was virtually in tears now, afraid and panicking. She sought to pull away from Kai, desperate to reach her child.

“Lys, we will. But you need to listen to me,” Kai insisted, her voice resolute. She gripped Lyssa’s hands securely. “She’s not alone. Fiona, I mean Grand Enchanter Fiona, is with her.” 

Lyssa hesitated and stared at Kai, the fear still in her eyes. She had to be calm otherwise her fear would make Cassie’s worse. Adding a touch of authority to her tone, Kai continued.

“We have to settle her, and that means you have to be settled. A frightened child crying is a world away from a frightened child crying and firing out magic,” she pointed out. “Lys, this is not something I’m familiar with. That is why Cullen and Cassandra are coming with us. Cullen will talk with her, and Cassandra will...control her magic if need be.”

“Will it hurt?” Lyssa questioned, her voice unsteady.

Kai gave her a bolstering smile. “No, it won’t.”

Kai hugged her sister, tenderly brushing her back. _“We have to follow their lead. We have to do what they advise us to.”_ She waited for a reply. Getting none, she pressed Lyssa, whispering.

“Lyly, promise me?”

There was a swallow and sniffles, then, “I promise, Kiki,” she whispered back. 

Lyly and Kiki were their childhood nicknames for each other, and when they made a promise using those names it was a binding one. Even after all these years both accepted that. 

Kai drew back, and spoke gently, “Alright, if you’re ready, let’s go.” 

She saw Lyssa wipe her eyes, take in a deep breath and nod. “Could we let Fergus know I won’t be back?” she urged, her tone steadier.

“Leliana will take care of that,” Kai promised, glancing at Leliana, who acknowledged her request.

The four of them left.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

The four of them stopped at the door. Cullen had detailed how they would approach this. Lyssa and Cassandra would go in first, so if Cassie lost control, Cassandra could step in. Then he and Kai would follow. Even though Cassie knew who he and Cassandra were, a little comfort and explanation from her mother would help. 

Cullen had dealt with a couple of children in the Circle at Kinloch, young ones who were still anxious being in such a strange place, and who hadn’t attained complete control of their magic yet. Controlling emotions was just as essential and sometimes reassuring words could make all the difference. 

As Lyssa and Cassandra entered the room, he could feel the sensation of magic before it abruptly ceased. He recognised that Cassandra had blocked Cassie. What he picked up as he and Kai followed them in was the shocked exclamation from Lyssa. He noticed her, eyes wide and standing fixed to the spot. Kai pushed forward and gave her sister a nudge.

“Go to her!” she whispered.

Cullen saw Cassie sitting on the bed with her arms outstretched reaching for Lyssa. Fiona was sitting beside her. The other bed was empty, no doubt Eri was elsewhere with the governess. The poor child was terrified having accidently launched a blast at her mother. Surrounding her, the bed sparkled with fragments of ice.

“Mama!” Cassie wailed. “I’m so sorry.”

“My baby!” Lyssa cried, flying towards her, and bundling Cassie into her arms as Fiona stepped back. “Shhh darling. Mama’s here,” she cooed, tenderly rocking Cassie.

“I’m scared. Mama, make it go away!” she begged, little gasps of breath breaking through the heart wrenching sobs.

Cassie’s head now resting against her chest, Lyssa’s face crumpled in pain as she closed her eyes. “Shhh, shhh,” she repeated, cradling her daughter's head and brushing her hand over her hair. 

Cullen felt Kai’s hand slip into his and squeeze it. He glanced at her, catching her eyes moisten. She glanced at him briefly flashing a thank you as he squeezed back, then he felt her let go. Cullen looked back toward the bed and saw as the sobs became less intense. 

After a minute or two, Lyssa drew back, opening her eyes and lifted Cassie’s chin to face her. 

“Listen to Mama, darling?” she caressed her face, her voice taking on a soothing tone. The little girl nodded in response, her face wet from the tears still falling. “Look who else is here, Auntie Kai.” Lyssa indicted to her and Kai sat on the bed next to them.

Cullen then observed a duet play out between the two sisters, Cassie being the beneficiary. As Lyssa slowly released her hold, Kai took Cassie’s hand, smiling at her. Lyssa continued stroking Cassie’s head as Kai spoke.

“Well then, you,” Kai began, rubbing noses with Cassie. “Mama and I have brought some very important people to see you, as you are such an important person yourself now. You remember how I taught you and Eri the rules of the monster game?” she urged, nodding.

The tears were dwindling as Cassie’s attention was steadfastly locked on Kai.

“Uncle Cullen and Cassandra have come to help because you’ve discovered a different game all by yourself, but you need help with how to play. Fiona knows this game already, that’s why she came and sat with you. You know what magic is, Cassie?” she asked.

Cullen felt surprise as Kai called him that. He was ‘Uncle Cullen’ now?

“Yes, Mama used to read us stories with magic in them.” Cassie answered, her voice slightly croaky.

“Yes, darling. You loved those books didn’t you?” Lyssa smiled now.

Cassie was glancing between them. “Yes, Mama,” she concurred, her face showing curiosity. “They were about mages who travelled around throwing fireballs and saving people,” she recalled.

Children’s storybooks had seemingly changed since he was a child, Cullen thought, or maybe it was different in Nevarra. He forced his attention back.

“Yes they did, my little monster,” Kai grinned. 

Cullen wondered at her choice of words until he caught the smile tugging at Cassie’s mouth. This term obviously didn’t have derogatory connotations for them. But she did allude to a game before.

“And my little one, you’re a mage too. And when you grow up, you can save people with magic,” Lyssa nodded at Cassie, still smiling.

A tiny frown appeared on Cassie’s face. “But...mine comes out cold.”

Fiona stepped forward. “May I?” she inquired. Cullen saw Kai nod.

“It’s different for every mage. Everyone gets their own special...talents. Everyone is unique,” Fiona told Cassie, her voice gentle. “But you can learn other talents too.”

“Oh.” Cassie seemed to be considering this new piece of information. 

Curiosity had won out over distress, at least for now. But Cullen was well aware her mana was building up again, potentially leading to another problem with restraint. He needed to speak with Cassie before that cropped up. She needed to understand that Cassandra’s actions merely provided a brief respite. He cleared his throat lightly, and saw Kai glance at him, before swinging back to Cassie.

“Now, Uncle Cullen has brought you something and wishes to talk with you. Promise Mama and Auntie Kai you will listen?” Kai requested. 

“I promise,” Cassie assured them.

“Good girl. And you can ask him anything you want, alright?” Kai added. Cassie smiled and nodded.

Kai moved to release her spot, shifting to sit behind Cassie. Cullen now had an inquisitive child rather than a terrified one on his hands. The work done by the two of them would assist him immensely. He parked next to Cassie and put his coat and the box onto the bed. Cassie’s eyes were instantly drawn to both.

All the child mages he had dealt with in the past were strangers. Cullen tried to imagine how he would act if this was Rosalie. He adopted a gentler approach, taking his cue from Kai and Lyssa.

“Now, someone told me you liked these,” he said indicating to his coat and the box. Cassie glanced up and smiled. “Well, what would you say if I offered you my coat, just for tonight? You can look after it for me, and it can look after you in return.” 

Cassie laid her hand onto the mane on his coat, stroking it like she would a pet animal. “Really?” she asked, eyes large.

“Really,” Cullen replied. “But I have one request, just one. Cassandra will remain with you, but you need to listen to her and do what she tells you.”

“I promise,” Cassie agreed. 

Cullen draped the coat over her shoulders and watched as she placed her arms through the armholes, hugging it against her and rubbing her cheek against the mane. She then peered up at Cassandra “Are you really a princess? Mama says you’re Princess Cassandra.”

“Yes, I am,” Cassandra replied. “Would you like to learn my full name, it’s rather funny,” she responded, smiling as Cassie nodded.

“Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Pentaghast,” she confessed. “I’ll let you in on a secret. I don’t like all the names.”

For the first time the little girl giggled. “I don’t like all of mine too,” she admitted glancing at her mother. “But I like Cassandra,” she added, smiling.

“So do I,” she smiled back.”But I think you can call me Cass. I don’t allow just anyone to do that, you know. It’ll be just between us.”

Cullen couldn’t recall Cassandra being as gentle as she was with her namesake. He called to Cassie to bring her attention back to him.

“Cassandra has her own talents too. She can block magic. Do you understand what that means?” he inquired.

Cassie thought for a moment before guessing, “She stops it?” And then smiled seeing Cullen nod. This child was only eight, but caught on to things quickly. 

“That was what she did to help you before, when she came in with your Mama,” he explained to her.

“Did she take my magic away?” she inquired. 

“Yes, but it will come back. It only lasts for a specific period of time. Cassandra will stay with you for tonight and if the magic is too much, she can take it away again.” Cullen glanced at Cassandra to see her nodding at Cassie and then turned back. “That way, you don’t have to worry, or feel scared.”

Cassie peered at Cassandra and then back at him. “Will you teach me how to not let it be too much?” she appealed to him, an expectant expression on her face.

Cullen now looked to Fiona before responding. She nodded. He focused back on Cassie. “Cassandra and I can’t do that, you need a mage to teach you. They can help you learn how to do that,” he pointed out.

Fiona stepped in again. “If Lady Pentaghast and the Inquisitor would allow it, I would be happy to take on Cassie as my pupil,” she suggested. “If Cassie wishes to of course,” she added, smiling at Cassie.

“Mama, please say yes!” Cassie clapped excitedly, small ice crystals crunching between her palms as she did. 

Her mana was back. As she felt them, a pained look passed over her face. “The cold is coming back,” Cassie announced, her lip trembling, as the ice built up and her palms were obscured by the blue haze.

They heard Fiona. “Cassie, can you imagine pulling it back into you, away from your hands?” Her approach was firm, but calming, the tone of a seasoned Enchanter used to handling nervous apprentices. Not surprising, Cullen thought.

“I’ll try,” she replied anxiously. As they waited, it reversed a little, but not enough. She was too scared to regulate it effectively. Cassie looked to Cassandra. “Cass,” she appealed.

The ice started to recede away as her mana was drained again. First there was relief, and then Cassie looked crestfallen at her failure. 

Lyssa turned to Fiona. “I would be indebted to you if you could take her on. Please help my daughter,” she pleaded.

“I will help her, you have my word,” Fiona nodded. She looked at Cassie. “It takes time child, and we have time, don’t worry. And perhaps I have some tales of my own to share as you enjoy them so much. I was a Grey Warden once you know,” she said temptingly.

Cassie’s expression then became one of curiosity again, her eyes wide. Distractions and curiosity, Cullen thought. And stories. He didn’t know Lyssa that well, but he could see Cassie shared some personality traits with Kai. There was one last matter.

“I have something else here too. It’s for both you and your sister to share.” Cullen handed over the box of sweets, seeing curiosity morph into delight as she accepted them.

“Thank you, Uncle Cullen,” she responded politely.

There it was again. He saw Kai looking at him, smiling, but out of the corner of his eye he could see Lyssa’s eyes filling up. He flicked his eyes to her, and Kai followed them, seeing Lyssa. Kai immediately took over, drawing Cassie’s attention to her. 

“Now young lady, I have to borrow Mama for a few minutes. Uncle Cullen, Fiona and I have to go, but Cassandra will stay here with you tonight, and Mama will be back shortly,” she smiled comfortingly. “Alright?”

“Yes,” Cassie replied, fortunately distracted by her aunt and the box, and not noticing the distress her mother was experiencing.

“Give me a huge hug first, little monster,” Kai requested, holding out her arms. Cassie folded herself into them, wrapping her arms around Kai.

One hug later, Cullen watched as Kai led Lyssa outside. He and Fiona followed on as Cassandra moved to sit with Cassie. He could overhear them starting to chatter as he stepped out last.

Lyssa was now the one in tears. “I’ve lost her, I’ve lost my baby,” she lamented. 

“Shhh Lys,” Kai comforted her, holding hands with Lyssa. “It doesn’t work like that anymore. She will require training and instruction, and yes, that does mean time away, but she’ll be in Skyhold and so will you. You haven’t lost her. You can see her anytime you wish to. She will be part of a new generation, Lys, one of the first to take advantage of it. A trailblazer, learning to be courageous but mindful of her magic, not fearful of it. And serving people by helping them.”

Cullen listened as Kai spoke. It was the first time he heard her express thoughts about the future she envisioned. What wasn’t apparent was how she saw that taking place. Fiona smiled as Kai spoke. Had they discussed something between them? The regret she revealed about choosing the mages after Linnea was nowhere to be seen. If she had changed her mind and talked with Fiona, it must have been before tonight. Back then, she didn’t know her niece was a mage, so Cassie couldn’t have been a factor in the change. 

But he had barely seen her since the attack, except in the last couple of days. 

He watched as Lyssa calmed and finally went back in. He saw Kai talking with Fiona and thanking her for taking Cassie on. That same easy manner; taking charge and giving people what they needed, or wanted. Sometimes he wasn’t sure which it was. What he did know was that she gave more than she took back, and that wasn’t always a good thing.

He heard Fiona’s reaction.

“Inquisitor, you took us on as allies when others would have walked away or conscripted us. You gave us another chance to prove ourselves. I am more than happy to repay that personally by taking Cassie as my pupil. Like you, I hope too that this is a new dawn.” With that, she acknowledged them both and left for her room.

Kai turned to him and her smile became more intense. That smile was radiant, and he was the only one who she smiled at like that. He grinned back, and she came and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest. He held onto her in turn.

“So, what now?” Cullen inquired. 

“Now, I need to pick up some clothes, and we can go back to yours, if your offer from this morning still stands,” Kai snickered.

“That it does,” he replied chuckling.

Cullen hadn’t seen where she had been living this last week. When they eventually arrived at her room, he couldn’t believe how awful it was. 

“Maker’s breath!” he blurted out. “You’ve been living here? Kai, it’s ten times worse than my loft.”

It was practically derelict, with holes in the walls and ceiling, a smashed window and broken floorboards. The only items of furniture were a bed, chest of draws, an armour stand and a bedside table. 

She looked up and scanned around, her hands still rummaging through the chest of draws. “It is a bit of a shithole, isn’t it?” she announced blithely. “Stinks a bit too.”

The blasé way she spoke made him laugh. She was right, it did stink, a dank, mouldy smell. He may have holes in the roof and floor, but his room didn’t smell. Cullen watched as she packed her backpack and sauntered over to him.

“Cullen, take me home,” she requested, resting her hand on his chest and smiling.

“Are my quarters home then?” Cullen asked, caressing her face.

“Home is wherever you are,” Kai told him, staring into his eyes. “Whatever it is.”

“You’d even live with me in a tent?” he joked.

“Naked under the stars, if you asked me to,” she snickered.

Cullen smirked, seeing the sigh. “Naked under the stars,” he mused. “Now there’s an image.”

“And I didn’t mean under the hole in your roof,” she laughed. 

Maker he loved her laugh, he thought to himself. Almost as much as he loved her. She stepped backwards, snagging his hand and dragging him to the door. They headed out, making their way back home.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Peace Talks: The Second Night
> 
> As Cullen and Kai come back together, Cullen sees Kai in a new light. Reminders of her past return.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains brief references to planned suicide.  
> .  
> Some NSFW

As the two of them stepped into Cullen’s office, Izzy got out of her basket to greet them. First she went to Cullen rubbing against him, and then came to Kai, sitting in front of her. Kai crouched down and fussed her, feeling her short fur and the solid muscles underneath. Mabari were powerful war dogs, but the gentle expression on Izzy’s face as she panted showed the intelligence that went with it. Izzy was fully grown now, the last vestiges of her puppy form gone. 

Kai stared at her, the smile she came in with fading, as the realisation of what she almost lost hit her. Izzy cocked her head and gave a slight puzzled whine before licking her face. 

Cullen laughed behind her. “It looks like she thinks you’re a pup,” he declared.

“She might be right,” Kai murmured.

Cullen and Izzy. This is what she almost lost, her hope, her future. Things she vowed to fight for, things she nearly gave away, because she assumed her choice was the right one in the circumstances. Things that would have been unrepaired had she died. A hollow pit opened up in the seat of her stomach as the sorrow bled in. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before standing and facing him.

Kai reached out her hand to Cullen, a thin smile forming as she did. 

“Let’s go upstairs,” she suggested quietly.

A puzzled frown passed over his face before it softened. “Of course,” he responded, taking her hand and escorting her to the ladder.

As they reached the top Kai headed to the bed, perching on it and slipping off her shoes. Cullen dropped her backpack near the bed before joining her. She closed her eyes, searching for the words to explain what she felt, but they kept slipping away from her. Her hands twitched as she sat there until Cullen took hold of them, stilling their movement. Kai opened her eyes to see him watching her, his eyes searching hers now.

“Whatever it is, just talk to me,” he said, his voice concerned.

“I almost lost you,” came out, the words sounding desolate as she voiced them. 

“But you didn’t,” he consoled her, one hand reaching to caress her cheek while the other still held onto her hand.

The words she grappled to find before now came gushing out, as if his tenderness broke open the stopper on a bottle.

“But I could have, if things had gone differently.” She gave a melancholy sigh. “I am a pup, a child, immature, whatever you wish to call it. I’m really not very good at this, and I will probably make more mistakes before I learn to grow up. But I give you my word; I won’t make any further decisions about us without talking to you first. And please, never, ever doubt that I love you, and that all I want is for you, me and Izzy to be a family.”

Cullen’s face took on a soft smile as his thumbs brushed her hands. “So that’s why I’m Uncle Cullen?” he asked.

A nervous laugh popped out. “Yes. Family isn’t reliant on blood you know,” she replied shyly.

“I know. But...it’s the first time you’ve spoken of us like that.” He watched her keenly. “Is that what you truly want, Kai?” he wondered.

“More than anything, Cullen” she acknowledged, her voice firmer now.

There was no ambiguity or uncertainty in her face or words when he looked at her. Her determination shone through the vulnerability he saw. And the one thing he’d learned about Kai was that when she made a decision she stuck with it no matter what.

“Alright then,” he said, accepting her promise. 

Cullen pulled her to him, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders as she folded her arms around him, resting her head against his chest. Kai turned her head, burying her nose into his shirt and inhaling deeply. He couldn’t help smiling, recognising precisely what she was doing. She sighed faintly and the tautness in her body began to abate. They remained together for a few minutes, just holding onto each other. 

“Better now?” he inquired, kissing her head.

“Mmhm,” was accompanied by another sigh.

Her expression was hopeful and expectant when she looked up at him. Much as she could be determined and formidable, ploughing through whatever challenge she was given, the woman gazing at him was also childlike. Cullen had never actually considered her in quite those terms before. Foolish had been his summation, which was part of it, but seeing her in this light explained more. He wasn’t that practiced with relationships either, but guessed that in this one his knowledge was likely more than hers.

Both of them were on a learning curve here, but he was also hopeful about their future together.

“Shall we?” he inquired, indicating to the bed, seeing her smile and nod.

Cullen got up and removed his tunic, catching her head for the backpack. 

“I don’t think you require a nightshirt,” he proposed, curious as to why she would be searching for one. 

“Oh no, I was looking for something else,” she replied, rootling around inside it. “Ah, here it is,” she announced, tugging out a long silk scarf.

Kai saw Cullen’s perplexed expression. 

“To protect you,” she explained. “I thought you could tie my Anchor hand to the bed. Then, if I have the dream and panic again, I can’t injure you.” She paused, seeing his bemused smile. “That is...unless you have a better plan? It was the first thing that came to mind,” she added apologetically.

“It’s fine, it’s a practical suggestion. It’s just...not ordinarily the motive for tying someone to the bed,” he chuckled. “Typically, you would be the one pointing that out, not me.”

Kai rolled her eyes, hearing another laugh as he strode over to her.

“What no jokes, no comeback?” he questioned, grinning at her. “Is the Lady Trevelyan now _modest in temper?_ Or has she conceded defeat?” he mocked.

Hearing him quote her family motto, a thought popped into Kai’s head. She smiled sweetly at him.

“She is, Ser. And she has,” she trilled, curtseying.

Cullen inclined his head, regarding her suspiciously, doubtless expecting a response. She said nothing, just smiled at him as she started to unhook the bodice on her dress. His gaze trailed her movements as she shimmied out of it, letting the dress fall to the floor. Kai stood naked before him. Cullen’s hand reached for the back of his neck, as his eyes now widened.

“But she is _bold indeed,_ ” she added mischievously, the smile growing into a grin.

“That she is,” he laughed, shaking his head. “So all evening, you were...?”

“Yes,” Kai confessed. “It was my small act of rebellion against Josie’s restrictions, and well...let’s just say I didn’t expect what happened to happen. My thoughts were elsewhere when I decided on this.” She shrugged her shoulders.

Cullen pulled her naked body against his still clothed one, and whispered, “Had I realised, I might have actually asked you to dance.”

Kai’s eyes became large. “Did you think about asking me then?” she inquired excitedly.

“I may have,” he teased.

“Wait, let me put my dress back on and you can...” she began eagerly, twisting to reach her dress.

“Kai!” he interrupted, holding onto her. “ _My thoughts_ are also elsewhere right now. Dancing can wait for another time,” he told her emphatically.

Kai faced him, and seeing his resolute expression, she sighed. “Another time then,” she conceded.

“Good,” he replied, smiling. “Now turn around,” he ordered indicating with his finger.

Facing away, she could feel him unravelling her plait, and his fingers loosening her hair. His hands stroked her neck, and then rested on her shoulders. She exhaled deeply and leant back onto him.

“Now get into bed and lay down on your front,” he instructed.

“Cullen?”

He intoned each word softly. “Do as you are told.”

Cullen watched as she climbed into bed, lying down as instructed, before shifting to watch him as he continued undressing. She looked baffled, likely wondering what he had planned, but then fascinated watching him undress, her expression veering between the two emotions. Inquisitiveness and prone to distraction, both were part of her personality. Cullen now understood that the positive elements which made her endearing had negative counterparts which were irritating. It was the latter he noticed when they first met. It wasn’t until later he saw the other side. 

He finished undressing and climbed into bed with her, drawing back the blankets before sitting astride her legs. Cullen began to massage her back starting at her neck and shoulders. 

“Oh,” she exclaimed. “Where did you learn to do this?”

Cullen snorted. “How do you think we deal with stiff muscles from training?” he stated wearily.

“Oh, of course,” she replied, a little embarrassed. 

“Just tell me if it...” 

“Oww,” she squealed.

“...hurts,” he finished.

“Can you assume that did,” she huffed.

“It’s a little knotted there,” he added, smiling as he heard the ‘hmph’.

Luckily she couldn’t see his face. He kneaded the area around her scar gently until he felt the muscles loosen, and then continued working his way down her back. With each part of her back, groans greeted his actions until her muscles relaxed under his hands. Then she hummed approvingly.

“You’re going to put me to sleep like this,” she advised him, trying to turn her head.

“Shhh and face forward,” he ordered, getting an impatient sigh.

He had no intention of letting her sleep...not yet anyhow. Completing her back, he turned his attention to her legs, starting at her ankles. First focusing on her calves, and then working his way gradually up her thighs. As he reached halfway up, the groans were replaced by gasps and moans. Pushing on, he sensed the slight shudders the higher his hands moved. 

“Still feeling sleepy?” he asked smiling, knowing full well what her answer would be.

“N...no,” came the breathless response.

The massage hadn’t been part of the original plan, but he sensed how taut she was when he held her. The physical tension in her body was obvious, but what worried him was how much mental stress she had buried inside her. And as much as he missed being with her, he was mindful of what she’d been through in this last week. Kai held firm in public, but with him she let down her guard, and he could see how her moods shifted. He recognised the warning signs.

As his hands reached the top of her legs, and his thumbs pressed on the inside of her thighs, she arched slightly forcing his hands higher. His erection throbbed as his thumbs slipped upwards feeling how wet she was. Maker, she was so beautiful lying there, and all he wanted to do was to slide her legs apart and drive himself into her, to feel the comfort she gave him. Recognising his own desires could overcome his control; he moved away and lay down beside her on the bed, hearing her frustration. The separation allowed him to regain some restraint. He needed to take his time with her, and that meant one of them had to patient. 

“Done, you can turn over now,” he told her.

Kai turned to face him. She wanted, needed him, and reached out to him. Cullen drew her into his arms. Part of her wanted comfort; the other part was burning for him, wanting him inside her. Feeling him hard against her she reached down, but he grabbed her hand.

“Not this time,” he murmured in her ear. “Remember what I said. Now lie back and close your eyes,” he said tenderly.

“OK,” she acknowledged and settled onto her back. She closed her eyes.

The moment he laid his mouth onto her neck nipping gently at her skin, she surrendered to him. He moved to her breasts and then down her body, his lips kissing her, his tongue gliding over her skin, his palms and fingers caressing and stroking her, every action soft and soothing. The tenderness with which he touched her intensified the sensations. Even as her reaction to him overwhelmed any form of sense, she somehow understood he was giving her what she needed. Only she wasn’t conscious of badly she needed it.

Not until his mouth pressed hot against her, and his tongue began circling her now aching nub. She flinched with a yelp, the intensity being almost painful, and he paused, evidently wary of hurting her. She begged him not to stop, and only then did he carry on. Her need for him, for this, was so...raw. She whimpered and moaned as the heat and tension built inside her, a roaring in her ears as her pulse raced. But there was more, as if he was teasing out something else from deeper inside, raging emotions swelling alongside the rapturous pleasure she felt.

The Anchor crackled into life as her control waned.

She desperately needed release, to let it all out before she broke. Her hand reached down, fingers curling into his hair as her body pushed against him, and then finally, she plunged over into the abyss, shudders wracking her body. He pulled away and caught her as the strangled sobs came.

Cullen held onto Kai tightly as she broke down in his arms. He understood there would be some reaction, but never imagined she was suppressing the level of pain and anguish now flooding out of her. Her tears were falling freely, running down her face, onto his chest as he held her. He spotted the Anchor, now easing back to normal. Maker, that was the scariest part, hearing her activate it. But he wasn’t going to let go of her until she settled. 

“Shhh, I’m here,” he repeated softly over and over again, rubbing her back to soothe her.

Eventually the sobs diminished, and her breathing started to normalise.

“I know you always will be, you’ll never deceive me,” she murmured faintly.

Deceive her? Why would she...? There was something else here, beyond what happened to her. Right now wasn’t the moment to press her, but at some point he would find out. 

“I’ll always be here,” he reassured her, kissing her head. 

After a few more minutes, the weeping ceased. Her hand began stroking his back, and she glanced up, a faint smile on her face. Her eyes were puffy, reddened from all the tears. 

“I’m so sorry, I ruined your plan,” she apologised.

“Hardly,” he replied. “Put it on hold maybe,” he teased, smiling, seeing her smile grow a little.

Kai gazed up at Cullen, lifting her hand to trace his lips and his scar. He was safety, her saviour, and she loved him so much. She didn’t wish to spoil what he’d promised, but she was so drained from the explosion of emotion, and so tired. Sleep was what she needed most of all, but first she had to make sure he was safe from her, if she had the dream again.

“Cullen, would you mind if I wanted to...” she began hesitantly.

“Sleep?” he suggested, and she nodded.

“Of course not,” he smiled.

“But you have to tie me to the bed,” she told him. “Where’s the...?”

His laughter interrupted her words. She stared at him wearily.

“I’m sorry, but to hear you suggest that, in all seriousness with no jokes, is actually funny,” he admitted.

Kai just sighed. 

Cullen kissed her and got up. Retrieving the scarf, he secured one end to the bed and the other to her wrist. “I’ve allowed some leeway, so your arm doesn’t cramp,” he advised her. “Let’s check, lift your arm for me.”

Kai raised her arm. There was enough play for comfort, but not sufficient to be a threat. She smiled gratefully. “Thank you,” she said, reaching out with her right hand to caress his face. 

He leant into her hand and then kissed it tenderly. Cocking his head he stared at her for a moment. “You know, this serious you, no jokes, is a little peculiar. I keep waiting for you to catch me out,” he confessed.

“Maybe when I wake up,” she yawned, settling back, and closing her eyes as exhaustion caught up with her.

Cullen watched Kai until he heard her breathing regulate, indicating she was asleep. He kissed her cheek, whispering “I love you, Kai,” before moving to the opposite side of the bed, and settling down to sleep.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_She takes one last look at the book of pictures and then looks at herself in the mirror. It is the closest she can do. The woman in the picture looks serene and beautiful lying in the lake. The decision is made, and she feels a sense of relief. Now she can put all the sorrow and agony behind her. There is a way out, a way to be free from the pain. Death will be her blessing._

_She prayed so hard and so long, but unheard, unheeded. She walked out of the Chantry, never to return. Her fate is in her own hands as is her life. The choice, the decision, is hers alone. Her grief was beyond measure, but now her joy bubbles up. Her body will die, but her spirit will be free to join her love. They will finally be together again._

_As she walks to the stables, the world around is bright, the colours more vibrant than she has ever seen them before. One last look around before she enters the stables. She smiles. Even though she faces death, she feels so alive._

_She walks to the stall and opens the latch. Starlight looks at her, and begins to trot forward, then pauses, agitated, whinnying and stomping. She suddenly feels, senses a presence. But no one has entered the stables._

_Fear clutches at her heart. The presence is right behind her now. Then a touch on her shoulder. She screams...._

 

“NOOOO,” Kai screamed, waking up. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her breath rapid, and her body coated in a film of sweat. She heard a voice and screamed again before she realised where she was.

“Kai,” repeated the voice hesitantly.

Cullen. She tried to sit up, but her hand was secured to the bed. Kai checked her left hand, the intensity of the Anchor was a little brighter, but didn’t look active.

“I’m here,” she told him. “Please can you release my hand, I need to move,” she insisted, her voice still a little breathy.

“Of course,” he acknowledged. His voice was calmer now.

He untied her, and then perched on the bed. As Kai sat up and rubbed her wrist she had to ask. “Did I activate it?”

Cullen shook his head, peering keenly at her. “No, you just screamed. It was...different from before. Was it the dream again?”

She glanced at him. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “It was a memory...I think. I’m not certain because I’ve never dreamt of it before, not like this. I don’t understand.” It was frustrating to say the least. After she stepped into the stables it was all a blank until she woke up in pain. 

“A memory of what?” he inquired, a quizzical expression crossing his face.

“The day I planned to kill myself,” she stated plainly, seeing his eyes widen.

“I’m not entirely sure, and it could just be my imagination,” she added, rubbing her eyes. She furrowed her brow, seeking to hang on to the last remnants of the dream. As with all dreams it was fading, yet the feeling was still with her. “Cullen, there was something else there.”

“Someone?” he asked.

“No, _something,_ ” she replied adamantly. “I felt a presence...it touched me.”

“Maker!” he exclaimed.

“Indeed,” she sighed. “Either I’m remembering, hallucinating, or I’ve lost my damn mind.”

Cullen let out a laugh. “I don’t think you’ve lost your mind. A little confused maybe,” he conceded.

Kai looked at him and smiled. “Maker, I hope not. Is a peace treaty valid if the neutral witness is a little touched?” she quipped, tapping her temple.

He arched an eyebrow, smiling back. “If you’re joking, you’re fine,” he declared, running the back of his hand down her cheek. “It probably was just a dream. You _were_ quite distressed earlier.”

Cullen watched carefully for her reaction. 

“I was, wasn’t I?” she responded, her shoulders slumping. “I guess everything just caught up with me. It felt overwhelming at the time.” 

She scratched her head, and then looked into his eyes before moving forward to kiss him. He knew what she was doing, and placed his hands on her shoulders to hold her back. 

“Kai... stop. I recognise what you’re doing. Distractions don’t always work with me,” he told her firmly, staring into her eyes. “I’m well aware there was something more going on with you. Talk to me.”

“Maker, Cullen,” she sighed. “I nearly lose you, someone tries to kill me, and then I discover my brother’s murderer is also involved in that. Add to that these wretched peace talks, and finding out my niece is a mage. Wouldn’t that be sufficient for anyone in the space of one week?” Her voice was hushed as she spoke.

Kai wasn’t wrong, that would be ample for any person to have to handle. But either she didn’t recall what else she said, or was evading it. He pressed her.

“Do you remember what you said to me?” he questioned, seeing her look puzzled.

“You said to me that _I would never deceive you,_ ” he informed her. 

It was the expression of dismay he didn’t expect as Kai backed away from him. She sat down, knees hunched up against her.

“What did you mean?” he challenged. 

“It’s...it’s nothing, I shouldn’t...have said that,” she stumbled, looking away.

“Kai?” he insisted, frowning. Now he knew she was being evasive. 

“I gave my word...that I wouldn’t...” she faltered.

She didn’t realise she’d said that out loud. Kai could see Cullen didn’t believe her. Maker, not now, not after all they’d come through. She couldn’t lose him again. But she couldn’t tell him everything. He was waiting, scowling darkly at her. She exhaled.

“It’s Aedan isn’t it? Maker’s breath! I assumed we’d got past all this. But he continues to hover over us, and everything else, like a damn spectre!” he shouted angrily, his jaw clenching.

Cullen rubbed his forehead, and Kai could see he was developing a headache. He needed his potions, but if she offered to get him one, he would view that as evasion. She had to explain what she could. Moving over to him, she rested her hand on his shoulder, but he yanked out of her grasp and turned away.

“Cullen,” she called to him, her voice steady.

“What?” he snapped, still facing aside.

Her voice was reassuring when she spoke. “You’re right, it was about Aedan. He lied to me. He made a solemn vow, an important one, and then broke his word. I only found out recently, and I can’t tell you how. I gave my word that I wouldn’t divulge that, not to anyone,” she explained.

He shifted to face her, still seemingly annoyed, but at least he was looking at her.

“Initially, I was angry with him when I found out. I threw the ring into the mountains around Skyhold. But now I’m angrier at myself for being a complete tool and pining after him for such an absurd amount of time. Ten years I squandered, time that I could have...” she sighed, her head dropping. Could haves and maybes were a waste of time, what was done was done. 

“Do you still love him?” he demanded. 

“I did love him, and doubtless for a while after he died. But looking back now, I suspect after that I was more in love with a romantic ideal than a real person. A shadow, an image.” Kai looked back up at Cullen. 

“Images don’t hold you when you have a nightmare; they don’t make you laugh; they don’t look at you as if you are the most important thing to them; and they don’t make the world around you fade away when they make love to you. You can’t feel warm and safe in their arms; you can’t tease them when they’re grumpy and you can’t love them more than anything else in this whole world.” 

She shook her head. “No, I don’t love him, not anymore.”

Kai took Cullen’s face into her hands, and this time he didn’t push her away. “I love you. I choose to spend my life with you. I want you, me and Izzy to be a family. I told you months ago that I would give you everything I am, and that still remains.”

His face softened as she spoke. Now she could offer him help.

“I recognise you have a headache brewing, shall I fetch you a potion?” she suggested.

“Thank you,” he responded. 

Kai slipped back into her dress, and made her way downstairs, picking up a potion from his bottom draw. Izzy was watching her. She then realised she had no pockets in the dress. Damn, she hadn’t thought this through. Kai scratched her head, wondering how she could...and then it occurred to her. She shoved the potion into her cleavage. Between her dress and her breasts it stayed stable. Climbing back up the ladder, she rounded into the loft and walked up to the bed. Cullen was peering at the front of her dress where the potion top was poking out. He looked calmer now.

“That’s how you carried it up?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I don’t have pockets,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “Where else could I put it?”

He shook his head. “You’re resourceful, I’ll grant you that,” he smiled.

She tugged it out, amazed how securely it was fixed there, and gave it to Cullen.

“It’s warm,” he observed.

Kai was about to retort when a thought struck her. “Is that alright? I mean should it be kept cool, I’m sorry if...”

“Don’t worry, it's fine,” he chuckled, pulling out the stopper and drinking the potion.

As Kai slipped out of her dress, she could see Cullen watching her. A slight shiver ran through her as his eyes followed the path of her dress falling to the floor. His gaze tracked back up her body to her face.

“There is one other thing you can do...if you wish to help,” he told her.

“Of course,” she willingly agreed, smiling.

He set the empty potion bottle on the night table and shifted to sit against the headboard, placing a pillow behind him. He gestured for her to come to him, and Kai crawled over the bed, sitting astride his legs. Taking hold of her hands, he placed her fingers against his temples.

“If you rub there with light circular motions, it helps alleviate some of the pressure,” he instructed, showing her how.

Using her forefinger and middle finger on each side of his head, she gently massaged his temples, watching his eyes shut . He moaned appreciatively and she couldn’t help but grin. His face started to relax and his mouth curved upward slightly. Not an actual smile, more a sign of contentment. The lines across his forehead, that became more prominent when he frowned or scowled, were less apparent now. She stared at that little cleft in his chin and the scar above his lips that wrinkled when he smiled. 

And his lips. Attractive without being too pretty, and so soft for a man. As Kai gawked at them, an overpowering compulsion to kiss him came over her. His lips were just...she was leaning forward, and had practically reached his mouth when his eyes snapped open. 

“I wondered why you stopped,” he remarked.

“Sorry, I got a little...distracted.” She coughed and drew back, then carried on rubbing his temples.

He rested his hands on her hips. “Shouldn’t you finish what you started?” he inquired, smiling.

Cullen watched as an almost bashful smile spread across Kai’s face.

“I thought you wished me to help with your headache?” she inquired.

“Help can take many forms. Distractions can be useful too,” he smirked, seeing her gaze fall onto his mouth. 

Her hands caressed a path over his face until they were resting at the back of his neck, gently rubbing it. He closed his eyes and stretched his neck. Her touch was gentle, but it felt good. Before he could open them, her lips were on his, her tongue running lightly across the seam of his mouth and down to his chin, then along his jaw line. As he moaned at her touch, he heard a muffled chuckle and opened his eyes.

“What?” he asked, seeing her look up.

She stared into his eyes, chewing her lip. “How extensive a distraction were you considering? I mean, there’s still your plan,” she said suggestively.

“That there is,” he confirmed, his hands moving up to grip her waist. 

He watched her lips part and her breath hitch. As he leant forward, her eyes closed, waiting for him. He kissed her, thrusting his tongue deeply into her mouth, sliding it along hers. She moaned, dragging her body against his as her hands reached into his hair, raking her fingers through it. 

He never truly understood her fascination with pulling it into disarray. It took him enough time to adjust it afterward. She swore she loved it in its natural curly state, rather than swept back. He disagreed. But right now, the touch of her fingers on his scalp forestalled any objections from him. They mitigated the last vestiges of his headache.

As he broke the kiss, and drew back, her eyes stayed shut, but she licked her lips, then rubbed them together. A smile crossed her face.

“Ale and sweets,” she murmured. “Did you snaffle some when I went to your office?”

“I may have,” he conceded, smiling as she opened her eyes.

“So? Where’s mine?” she urged, brushing her nose over his.

She let go, allowing him to retrieve the box. He sat back on the bed and she knelt before him, waiting. Picking out a sweet from the box, he went to put it in her mouth, but she stayed his hand.

“Like I do,” she requested, her pupils darkened and her breathing shallow and hastened.

“Do you actually need _more_ stimulation?” he challenged, smiling.

“Not _need,_ no,” she winked.

He popped the sweet into his mouth, then laying his mouth on hers he passed it on with his tongue. This time he was successful on the initial drop. Cullen watched Kai close her eyes and devour it, humming. He picked up another sweet as he waited for her to finish. She opened her eyes, and saw the sweet in his hand.

“Your turn,” he declared, placing the sweet into her mouth.

She leant forward and repeated the action, slipping the sweet into his mouth. Her technique was better, he thought. 

He wanted to do more than eat sweets now. Taking hold of her, he rolled her onto her back, swallowed the rest of the sweet and kissed her again, hard. A low moan rumbled into his mouth as she clutched at his back, tugging him firmly against her body. All he wanted in that moment was to be inside her, part of her again. He pushed between her legs as she shifted to allow him access. He broke the kiss, watching her face as he guided his cock slowly into her. He could feel her so slick and hot, but tight too. She grimaced and yelped.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked tenderly.

“A little, but don’t stop,” she breathed, her eyes opening. 

He cautiously pushed further until he was entirely sheathed inside her, scrunched eyes and whimpers following his movement. He paused, seeing her lips parted as she sighed. 

“I missed you,” she smiled, her palm resting on his cheek.

“I missed you too,” he responded, twisting his head to graze her hand with his lips. 

“I love you,” he declared, smiling back.

“I love you too,” she answered softly. “Always.”

As he pulled out and thrust back in again, it wrenched another gasp from her. At first his pace was languid and gentle, but as she opened up more, it became quicker and stronger. What was overpowering last night was no longer that. More a gradual build of pleasure, the tension in her belly sweetly coiling as the sensations become richer. Her moans became louder as the ecstasy intensified, only dimly conscious of his grunts becoming louder too. Her hands clutched his back, fingers and nails digging into his flesh. 

“Faster,” she begged, sensing his cock hardening inside her, both of them close now. 

Normally he would resist her demands, but she recognised he was as lost in this as she was. His thrusts became deeper and rougher, pushing her down into the mattress, and over the edge, as her muscles clenched repeatedly onto him. She cried out, practically a scream, and he followed with a heavy grunt of his own as he spilled inside her, pushing even harder into her as he came.

She held onto him, whispering “Don’t go,” as he panted hard. 

“I won’t,” he promised, leaning on his arms, his face against her neck, hot breath flowing over her body. 

Kai smiled knowing she was home, with him. His breathing eased, and he kissed her. The kiss told her he was home too. She smiled against his mouth sensing his smile in response. After a few minutes, Cullen glanced at Kai and she silently acknowledged his request. He pulled away and lay down with a heavy, satisfied sigh.

“Someone sounds happy,” she grinned.

“Someone is,” he admitted. “And tired.”

Kai giggled. “Someone still needs to tie me to the bed before he goes to sleep,” she announced, her fingers brushing his chest.

“Sweet Maker!” he groaned. “Give me a minute at least.”

“As long as you need, my love,” she chuckled, and settled her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat slowing down.

Cullen tucked his arm around her, drawing his thumb across her forehead, and hearing her contented sigh as he did. Their talk of family led to thoughts of his siblings, and Mia’s question about when they would meet Kai. He could imagine their surprise on meeting her, she wasn’t the type of woman they would have expected him to end up with. But if anyone could charm them, it was her. 

When this was all over, Cullen would definitely take Kai to South Reach.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Peace Talks: Day 3 The Final Day
> 
> Cullen's offer to take Kai to South Reach leads to an unexpected discussion. The peace treaty between Ferelden and Orlais is officially signed, and Leliana plans her own celebration.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With a nod at the end to some War Table dialogue.  
> .  
> .

Cullen woke up, rubbing his eyes as the sun streamed in through the hole in his roof. By the amount of chill in the air, he guessed it was still early. Looking across at Kai, he saw she was fast asleep. Fortunately she hadn’t had another dream. Although her hand was secured to the bed, and he was safe, he had no desire for her to go through any more distress, let alone have the Anchor flare up again. Whether the dream of her past merely withheld the other nightmare, or she simply stopped having it for one night, he couldn’t be sure. But either way he was thankful for both their sakes.

He stared at the scar on her shoulder, it had healed messily. ‘A trivial price to pay’ she’d told him. What bothered him was the price she was prepared to pay to defeat Corypheus. How far would she go to fulfil her vow to fight for everyone? Cullen was familiar with her other promise, the one made to Leliana in future Redcliffe, ‘to do whatever it takes’. If he was honest with himself, he knew the answer to his question, and it was an answer he preferred not to think about. 

Making mistakes and losing him was what troubled Kai. He recognised the likelihood of him losing her was a more realistic prospect, and not from harsh words said while they were both angry. Cullen prayed that her luck for surviving would continue to hold. She was right; all they could do was make the most of what they had.

But now they had other matters to deal with, such as breakfast and the signing of a peace treaty. Setting his concerns aside, he went about waking her up. Cullen knew the routine, and slapped her on the bottom, hearing the groans as Kai stirred. As she sought to sit up, she was yanked her backward, her hand still secured to the bed.

“What’s...why am...?” she muttered, her hair hanging over her face.

So much for planning, Rutherford, he thought to himself. He hopped out of bed, and untied the scarf, allowing her to move freely.

“Sorry, love. My fault,” he apologised, as she peered at him blankly.

Cullen watched as Kai sat up staring around. It would be a few more minutes before she could form any sort of coherent thought, so he got back into bed, and lay down waiting for her. If Corypheus ever decided to attack Skyhold, he hoped it wouldn’t be in the middle of the night, because Kai certainly couldn’t leap out of bed straight into the fray. Eventually, she swept back her hair and smiled at him, a huge radiant smile. Finally, contact.

“Good morning,” he greeted her, smiling back.

“Morning,” she answered, moving over to him.

Was it wrong he loved this routine, almost as much as when she returned from a mission? Somehow the certainty of it was comforting. He knew what came next and raised his arm, allowing her to snuggle up to him, her arm draped over him. Her fingers brushed across his chest with a contented sigh, causing him to smile. Likely she was tracing the line of another scar. 

Kai then giggled. “Do you think they’d notice if we ran away together?”

“I think they might somehow,” he chuckled. “We wouldn’t get far. Between Leliana’s spies and Josephine’s contacts, we’d be lucky if we made half a day’s ride. That is assuming we even made it out of Skyhold.”

“Disguises, maybe? We could dye our hair and get plain clothes,” she mused, puckering her lip.

Cullen stared at her incredulously. “Dye our...? What goes on your head? Hats would be my first choice.” He shook his head. “Besides, there is the question of a brightly lit left hand that might give us away.”

Kai waved her hand and tutted. “Ach, gloves can deal with that one.”

She shifted, resting on her elbows and gazed at him. He lifted his hand to play with her hair, reflecting as he did. What he could offer, would be to take her away for a visit to South Reach and maybe to...he smiled as the thought occurred. It would have to be after this was all over. Maker, let there be an afterward he hoped.

“You’re up to something, I can see it in your face,” she laughed, prodding his side. “You have that planning look.”

“Perhaps I am.” He drew a strand of hair over her top lip, creating a little blonde moustache, and saw her roll her eyes.

“I don’t think that disguise would work somehow,” Kai smiled. “Stop distracting and tell me.”

“I thought maybe we could go to South Reach when this is all over, visit Mia. More than likely she’d gather up Branson and Rosalie too if we did. She keeps asking when they can all meet you.” Cullen watched for her reaction.

Kai’s smile became broader, and she kissed his chest. “I’d love to meet them, thank you.” 

Suddenly the smile faded. Cullen could see she was thinking.

“Apart from Lys, I’m not sure I’d be able to return the favour. It’s more than possible it will be just me and Lys when this is over.” She exhaled heavily and leant her forehead on the side of his chest. “I’m uncertain how long Papa will await an answer about Lys. He’ll be displeased with me when I reveal my failure, but she will receive the brunt of it.”

“Will he really disown her?” Cullen asked. This kind of behaviour was foreign to him. He didn’t appreciate the way this man treated his daughters as things to be controlled or bartered.

Kai looked up and gave a wry chuckle. “He will try, but I have a plan too. Lys needs her title and associations more than I do. I’m hoping a little obligation may just swing it. It’s not a guarantee, but we’ll see.”

Kai spotted the mystified expression on his face.

“I haven’t briefed you or Leliana yet. Though, she likely knows already.” Kai paused. “House Trevelyan is experiencing a minor meltdown, and I am sending Ryla to resolve it, at my expense. A fact I shall point out to him, as well as how this could reflect upon ‘my holy mission’ as he terms it. But the real concern is how did it get so far, how much influence has he lost? I’ve written to Wilhelm asking for information. He owes me a favour after sorting out the title business.”

The mention of loss of her title and family reminded Cullen of his offer of marriage, the plan that led to her idea, and consequently their quarrel. He was uneasy about proposing it again. Although her stubborn refusal was made in the heat of anger, the subject was nevertheless a little too sensitive. He wasn’t conscious of the frown that had settled on his face.

She called out to him, her voice gentle. “Cullen? Talk to me?”

As was his way, he couldn’t express it directly. “What about you? Won’t you miss your brothers?” he asked instead.

“To be honest we’re not that close, it was mainly Lys and me growing up. Besides, my hunch is that Alex will do what he feels is right, so I doubt I’ll lose him. I mean, how many of his offspring could Papa disown without looking foolish? I hope one may be adequate to proclaim his authority.” She watched for his reaction. 

“As long as I have you, Cullen, that’s all that matters.” She smiled, stroking his chin with her finger. “Ama would have loved you, you know. She would have said you were exactly the sort of person to keep me in hand.” Her smile was cheekier now and he couldn’t help smiling back at her.

“She would have approved of me?” he inquired, seeing her nod.

His earlier reticence softened, the next question was virtually inevitable. “What about your father?” 

When he asked it, and caught her expression, he understood both of them were talking around the subject, neither of them discussing it directly. She glanced away, her fingers caressing him absentmindedly. Kai sighed quietly and shifted to face him. 

“We’re not really talking about my brothers or my title, are we?” she asked lightly.

“No,” he confessed, swallowing to lessen the anxiety that crept back.

Kai sat up and laid her palm on his chest. “How about I answer _both_ of your questions first?”

“All right,” he agreed, settling his hand on hers. 

She nodded slightly. He could see she was a little apprehensive too, but her voice was clear.

“My father would approve of you personally. You were a Templar, and are an honourable man. But...not for marriage. Simply put, because you have no title...no noble title. I appreciate you and Leliana thought a betrothal would be sufficient. But that was because she considered it would work...because she based it on my assumption, an assumption made on what Ama told me. However, as I discovered from Lys when she arrived, Ama likely misled me. I don’t assume for one minute it was malicious, she just wished to offer me hope after losing Aedan and later being left unable to have children.” Kai paused. “Your plan wouldn’t have preserved my title or prevented loss of my family.”

Cullen stared at her, absorbing her words. The plan they carefully constructed was all for nothing. All the subsequent events, her ideas, their disagreement, all that anguish was for no purpose at all. He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath to steady himself. What was wrong with these people? Why did they think lying would help her? Was she truly that weak all those years ago? He doubted that knowing what she had accomplished. Or did they regard her as so childlike that she had to be protected? That seemed more plausible, but it was nevertheless wrong.

He sat up, taking hold of her hand in both of his. “Doesn’t it bother you? That two of the most significant people in your life back then...lied to you?” he asked angrily. Cullen was furious, but not at her.

She smiled at him, a knowing weary smile. “What would you have me do Cullen? I can’t rail at them, both are dead now. Where would being constantly angry leave me? Frustrated and bitter, and that’s a path I don’t wish to walk, remember? And I don’t want to see you walk it either. You’ve had enough troubles of your own without taking mine on board.”

Cullen shook his head, scowling. “How can you be so...forgiving?” he challenged.

Kai looked at him with the same smile. “How can you?”

“What do you mean?” Now he was confused. 

“Blood mages tortured you, killed your friends in Kinloch. Then in Kirkwall you saw more of the same. For years you distrusted all mages, viewed them all as dangerous. But you stood with Hawke when you realised Meredith was a bigger threat. You stood for what was right, Cullen. Remember what Cole said, ‘the centre never changed, kept safe like a coin in your pocket’. ” 

She placed her other hand on his. “And last night you sat with a frightened eight year old child and encouraged her to feel safe. Not just because she was my niece, but because she needed help. She is a mage and yes, being a mage gives her abilities that can threaten others. But because she recognised she was safe, her fear didn’t become anger. As a result, she chose to learn how to control her abilities, with no one threatening or forcing her to make that decision.”

Kai inclined her head. “You forgot _what_ she was; you only saw _who_ she was. Tell me that’s not forgiveness.”

Cullen hadn’t looked at it in quite those terms, but she was right that his natural reaction was to extend aid. And he saw a child wanting to do the right thing without being coerced. Was that forgiveness, or acceptance? He honestly wasn’t sure if they weren’t the same thing.

Kai was observing him with an almost wise smile as if she possessed some secret he didn’t know yet. He stared at her, his expression more one of perplexity now, the anger seeping away. In that moment he saw someone as far from childlike as he could imagine. 

Cullen leant forward, his face closer to hers and searched her eyes. “Who are you and what have you done with Kai Trevelyan?” he smiled.

The smile grew into a laugh, and she winked at him. “She saw something shiny, and well, you know what she’s like for distractions.”

“ _That_ sounds like her,” he agreed, chuckling. 

Cullen gazed at Kai, wondering how much of her he hadn’t discovered yet. Whatever there was, it would be fun finding out. 

“You are...” he began, “...truly full of surprises.”

It was a phrase often traded between them, back to when he surprised her that first time. He recalled seeing her glance back as she left with the sharpening stone, her expression curious. At the time it was just a bit of light flirtatious teasing, no more than she had repeatedly done to him. Now he realised that was the day when everything changed. 

Kai was laughing and Cullen grinned, just listening to her for a moment. That laugh burrowed its way down into his soul. As he leant closer, her laughter hitched when she realised his intention. Kai closed her eyes as her lips parted. He knew what was happening. She’d confessed how she loved that moment just before he kissed her, when she could feel his breath on her mouth. He’d laughed and asked why. Putting her hand on his chest, she’d informed him ‘because it comes from that core inside you’. Maker, she had her romantic notions. 

He kissed her lightly and broke away. Seeing the look on her face as he drew back, he smiled.

“Again?” he suggested.

“Again...please,” she sighed.

This time he let go of her hands and tugged her against him. “We’ll miss breakfast,” he said knowingly.

She threaded her fingers into his hair. “I’m not hungry,” she grinned.

“Neither am I.” Cullen smirked, sensing the sigh as he kissed her again.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai sat the signing table with Celene and Alistair, a table decorated in all three banners, Orlais, Ferelden and the Inquisition. Each signatory seated with their banner, another one of Josephine’s touches. Josephine and Ryla were standing on one side, Cullen and Leliana on the other, awaiting the decisive stage, the signatures and seals. It was just a matter of protocol now, but she knew Josephine wouldn’t relax until this stage was complete. Only then would it be a done deal as Ryla pointed out.

They were assembled in front of the dais, the rest of the Great Hall packed with people. As arranged with her Advisors, those members of the Inquisition, the agents, workers and soldiers who had helped make this happen, were accorded pride of place, over and above the hangers on that more often littered the Great Hall. Without them, this whole visit would have not been as smooth. This was their way of demonstrating to them how indebted she and her Advisory Council were, not to mention the myriad of gifts Josephine had sourced as a thank you to each person. Kai guessed those would be more welcome than the chance to see three people signing a document.

As Celene and Alistair completed each copy of the treaty, they were passed to Kai for her validation as neutral witness along with her seal. Then the three of them rose and shook hands, and cheers went up from the assembled crowd. It was finished; the peace treaty between Orlais and Ferelden was now official and binding. Kai, on behalf of the Inquisition, was presented with gifts from the two nations; from Ferelden, a sword belonging to Calenhad; from Orlais a Glass Halla made from Serault glass intricately adorned with gold filigree. But it was the influence that came with this achievement which would the most valuable to the Inquisition.

The ceremony now concluded, the throng was ushered from the Hall and a celebratory lunch bought in, a last meal before their guests were to depart that afternoon. Much as Kai was thrilled about the success they had bought about, she would be relieved to see Skyhold get back to its normal bustling state rather than the rather manic atmosphere of the last few days. 

As the two parties, her Advisors and some members of her Inner Circle milled and chatted, Celene came up to her.

Kai smiled and bowed. “Your Imperial Majesty.”

“Inquisitor,” she smiled in acknowledgment. “If I may inquire about the coin you wear?” Celene glanced down at Kai’s necklace, the one with Cullen’s coin. Again she had discarded the imperial ‘we’.

“Of course, Your Imperial Majesty. It is a token, a gift,” Kai replied, brushing the coin as she discreetly glanced in Cullen’s direction.

Celene followed suit. “Yes, I surmised as much the other night.” 

Celene reached into a pocket in her billowing dress. Kai was surprised they even had pockets and didn’t want to imagine what they carried in there. Poison and dancing was what she was informed previously about Orlais, and the image of vials of poison popped into her head as she watched Celene. When she pulled out her hand, Celene was holding what looked like an old bent coin.

Celene glanced at the coin before presenting it to Kai. “A touch piece, passed down by my forebears. It brings luck to the owner and to any recipient they pass it on to. A small personal token of both my gratitude and that of the Marquise for your aid. May it see you safely through the trials to come and bring you back to your Commander.”

“Thank you. This is...a most generous gift,” Kai replied, hesitant. 

She appreciated what touch pieces were. Although it was a superstitious practice, they were highly prized by their owners, and passed down through families. It was extraordinarily rare that one would ever be given away. 

Celene smiled. “Do not concern yourself, my forebears were also resourceful people, making certain we had a few in reserve. With our family history perhaps they were wise to do so.”

“A wisdom that has likewise been passed down, Your Imperial Majesty,” she commended.

Celene leant forward slightly and whispered. “Alistair mentioned you were a smooth one.”

It was only with the utmost control Kai didn’t burst out laughing. Celene smiled and nodded her departure. “Inquisitor.”

“Your Imperial Majesty,” Kai responded similarly, smiling back.

Unluckily she was wearing a dress without pockets. But she knew a man who had pockets, who could keep it secure for her in the meantime. Kai approached Cullen who was chatting to Alistair. Cullen had his back to her, so it was Alistair who sighted her initially and nudged Cullen. As she joined them, they both smiled at her. A little too eagerly she thought. Kai had the feeling something had been discussed, something she was not meant to be privy to. 

“Ah, Lady Katarina,” Alistair announced in an official manner. “I was just telling your Commander this has been the most successful peace talks I’ve ever been to. Very efficiently organised.”

Kai smiled lightly. “Thank you. It is most kind of you to say so. We have been honoured by your visit.” 

She saw Cullen hold out his palm and Alistair deposit a silver coin into it. “Damn, he was right,” Alistair groaned. “He claimed I wouldn’t get a rise out of you by using your name. I was convinced I’d at least make you use my title.”

She chuckled and suddenly remembered something. “I thought you did rather well too, Alistair. Nobody got lost, nobody died, and as far as I can see you’re still here with your pants on.”

Cullen stared at her, eyes wide, and coughed. Alistair puzzled for a few minutes then rolled his eyes. “You have far too much information, I think. Where did you get that one from?”

“If you choose to take that up with my Spymaster, be my guest.” she winked. Kai could see Leliana listening in, as she stood with Josephine, and watched as she quietly stepped forward. 

“Trust me, I will. She doesn’t scare me. I’ve faced an archdemon, you know,” Alistair huffed.

“Is that so?” came Leliana’s voice from behind him.

“Maker!” he exclaimed, with a jump. “That’s still creepy, you know.” 

Leliana’s light laugh greeted his protests. As they chatted, Kai turned to Cullen.

“Can you pop this in your pocket for me? I’ll pick it up later,” she requested handing him the coin from Celene.

He took it from her slipping it into his pocket. “How much longer do we have to mingle?” he whispered.

Kai smiled at him. “Bored already, Commander?” 

Cullen sighed. “Yes. We’ve still plenty more to do after this is over. To be honest I’d be glad to get away right now and back into my armour.” 

Kai always assumed all that leather and metal must be more uncomfortable, not to mention warm, but she’d leant it was another layer of defence for him. It was familiar, and she recognised that although Cullen accepted new things, he preferred familiar things and habits he could hook onto.

“Aren’t you hot in that all that armour?” she asked.

Cullen smirked at her. “Why, thank you.”

Kai sighed, realising she’d walked right into that one. Cullen stood watching her, arms folded and sporting a smug grin. Before she could answer, Fergus politely pulled Alistair away and Leliana turned to them.

It was now Leliana who sighed as she glanced over at Josephine chatting and smiling. “You do realise Josie will float on a cloud of smugness for days after this. Just at the moment you two choose to chase down Samson. I may need to devise a countermeasure,” she mused. 

Kai couldn’t resist and wagged her finger, mimicking Josephine as she spoke. “Leliana, you agreed to behave, remember. No...more...pranks.”

“Who said I would do it?” Leliana laughed. “I would be merely facilitating the process.”

“Out of curiosity,” Kai wondered, with a small smile. “If such an event _were_ to take place, would it be before we left?” 

Leliana cocked an eyebrow. “Perhaps. If such an event _were_ to take place.”

Cullen groaned, shaking his head. “Maker, I just hope neither of you ever decides I require a countermeasure. The two of you are not safe together.”

Kai and Leliana looked at each and grinned before Leliana looked back at Cullen.

“I trust you will be discreet, Cullen. We wouldn’t want...”

“Indeed, we wouldn’t. Just...keep me out of this,” he acquiesced, his hand reaching for the back of his neck.

“Excellent,” Leliana smiled. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” and with that she ambled off. Kai watched her make her way over to Solange. Plots were afoot there, Kai thought.

“Kai,” she heard Fergus call her.

“Hello Fergus. So?” she queried.

He smiled. “Alistair was quite understanding. I’m staying for a few more days before returning to Ferelden. I’ll speak to Lyssa and let her know once these shenanigans are over.”

“I’m pleased, Fergus. But I expected he would be, anyway. And I trust you to take care of her,” she announced firmly.

“I promise,” he replied, giving her a slow blink to confirm. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to Teagan too.”

“Of course,” she agreed, seeing Fergus wander over to Teagan.

Kai was pleased for Lyssa and Fergus. When she visited Lyssa that morning, Kai had remained with the girls allowing Lyssa to see Fergus and explain what transpired. And his first response was to support her. Even a few days would help, especially as Kai couldn’t be there for her. Going after Samson was more critical, because if Corypheus won, none of them had a future. 

Cassandra left after reporting that the remainder of the night had been reasonably peaceful. She was now in her room catching up on sleep. What surprised Kai more was Eri’s acceptance, once she got over the initial shock. But the girls had been raised in Nevarra where the position of mages was a more prominent one and magic was not suspect as it was in other nations. Only in Tevinter did mages have more power and influence. Hence their reading material as children. Cassie was also calmer after her fear the previous evening, aided by Fiona visiting to discuss her study programme. 

That would be the sad part; both girls would now be educated separately. But in the evening, they would be back together and had already agreed that they would recount the events of their day to each other. It might indeed avoid the little squabbles they had as any siblings naturally would. 

They were worth battling for, saving the world for those who would establish the future.

Cullen was calling her. “Inquisitor?”

“Sorry, I was thinking,” she apologised, smiling at him. “Did you need something?”

“I was just saying, perhaps we should meet later to review strategy for the Shrine of Dumat. Namely how to handle the chain of command. I do understand you outrank me, but this is still a military operation. We will have to work out how we approach this.” Cullen’s tone was that of the Commander as he spoke.

Kai’s emphasis was equally official. “I agree. We can discuss it in your office after the War Council meeting.” She watched him acknowledge his consent.

Lowering her voice, she smirked. “I trust the chess board will be ready for later?”

Cullen glanced around before replying in a hushed tone. “Do I really have to wear the coat if I lose?” 

Kai pondered, puckering her lip. “You can tie me up again if you do,” she whispered.

He stared at her for a minute. “Alright,” he smirked. “You have a deal.”

She just sighed softly.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Kai was on her way to the War Room after talking with Sera and Bull in the tavern. She’d already spoken with Cassandra and Dorian about their mission to the Shrine. Her new armour was ready and work on her commission would be under way soon. Dagna had guaranteed her finest work once Harrit had finished his.

Strolling across the courtyard to the Great Hall entrance, she could practically feel Skyhold itself breathe a sigh of relief now their guests had left. As she climbed the staircase, she glanced up and sighted them. A pair of silken, frilly, yellow undergarments attached to a banner pole by the doors of the entrance, fluttering boldly in the breeze. Kai stopped at the half turn and gawked.

She stuck her hand over her mouth to disguise the snicker that wanted to break free. “Josie will kill you, Leliana,” she muttered under her breath.

Kai took several deep breaths and cleared her throat to restore some restraint before continuing. As she passed Varric, he smirked. Undoubtedly he’d spotted them too. He gestured her over.

“Are they the Ambassador’s?” he whispered.

“Yes. How did you know?” Kai coughed back the impulse to laugh pushing at her again.

“The colour sort of gave it away,” he replied. “Has she seen them yet?”

Kai couldn’t hold back the laugh anymore. “I’m just about to find out. Maker, I hope I can keep a straight face in there.”

“Good luck with that,” he chortled. She waved in reply and moved on.

As Kai entered Josephine’s office, she was with her messenger. Kai hoped her pained control would pass unnoticed. It was then she heard it.

“What?!” Josephine shouted, rising up from her chair so forcefully it fell backward onto the floor. Kai watched, mouth agape, as Josephine stormed past, her face like thunder. Evidently she knew now.

Josephine’s messenger looked at Kai and sighed. “I’ll go after her.”

Kai made a beeline to the War Room. Cullen was already there, but there was no sign of Leliana.

Kai snickered. “Have you seen...?”

Cullen rolled his eyes. “Yes,” he responded wearily. “Did you have a...?”

Kai raised her palms and shook her head. “Nope, my hands are clean. But Josie’s just rushed out there. She’s fuming.”

Just then Leliana walked in, smiling. 

“Have you seen Josie yet?” Kai asked.

“I watched her racing out, but she missed me,” Leliana laughed. “I thought they looked rather beautiful as the light caught them, especially as the sun is setting now. I never realised silk could look...”

The great door of the War Room crashed open and Josephine stood there glaring at Leliana. She seemed less angry now, but far from happy.

“You!!” Josephine accused, pointing her finger at Leliana who was the very essence of calm and guiltlessness.

“Me?” she claimed.

Kai then saw Josephine turn to her, rolling her shoulders before straightening herself. “Inquisitor. You should know your Spymaster is an incorrigible prankster,” she huffed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Leliana said with the manner of a child falsely implicated.

Kai could see Cullen. His gaze was shifting between the two of them, not sure where this would end up.

Josephine narrowed her eyes as she stared back at Leliana. “No?” she challenged. “My...” she paused realising Cullen was standing there observing the scene unfold. “My things...on the p...in the courtyard.” Josephine was now more embarrassed than annoyed.

Leliana looked at her and smirked. Her tone was so matter of fact she could have been discussing a new banner, rather than Josephine’s undergarments. 

“The ruffles are particularly festive, perfect for a celebration.”

It was at that point Kai lost it utterly. Her hand flew swiftly to her mouth, desperate to stifle the snicker. She saw Cullen glance away, a grin tugging at his mouth.

“Leliana!” Josephine scolded.

Then she looked at Kai. “Really, Inquisitor? You were involved too?”

But it was poor Cullen who received the most disappointment when he glanced back. “Commander, you as well?”

“I wasn’t...” was all Cullen could say, seeking to protest his innocence.

Josephine sighed heavily. “These two I can believe, but you? I would have never imagined...” 

Kai coughed. “I’m confident that the aforementioned item will be removed, Josie. In the meantime, perhaps we could make a start. There are a lot of items to get through. I understand you requested to begin, Ambassador?”

They waited as Josephine retrieved her noteboard from her office and took her place.

When Josephine began her report, Kai darted a look at Leliana, who smiled and winked before her expression became impassive again. Glancing at Cullen, Kai saw him frowning at her, probably annoyed for being blamed as well. Damn, there was no chance of the coat now, she thought.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen, Kai and her companions investigate the Shrine of Dumat. Events there lead both Cullen and Kai to decisions of their own.  
> .  
> .

The approach to the Shrine of Dumat was eerily quiet. No Red Templars, just smoke and black clouds heading into the sky. This was not a good sign. Two things were possible, either a trap, or their quarry had fled, and neither boded well. Pausing before continuing, Kai gestured to Cullen, who joined her.

“I don’t like the look of this, it’s awfully quiet,” she advised him. 

Cullen nodded, an uneasy frown firmly set on his face. “Agreed, there should be at least some resistance.”

“We need to find out what the situation is inside before moving any further. I could stealth and determine what awaits us.” Kai waited for his assent. 

Before coming they’d agreed that Cullen would have overall charge of the mission, and Kai would lead her team. But should the situation call for a change in command for whatever reason, she would take over. 

“Do it,” he directed. 

Kai acknowledged his order and stealthed, heading through the gate as silently as she could. All those exercises with Leliana now came into their own as she carefully advanced into the courtyard. Stealthing had no purpose if you couldn’t limit the noise you made. 

Immediately she noticed two blind spots either side, ideal for an ambush. Ahead were two Horrors and a Guard behind a barricade of crates, and another two Guards and a Horror at the top of the stairs to the rear of the courtyard. Carefully stepping further in she discovered what lay in the blind spots. Two more Horrors, one either side on platforms, and access to them barred by more crates.

Kai was fully conscious of how bad Horrors could be; the red lyrium shards and the liquid red lyrium they spat out could present a complication. They had to be taken out first, so the Guards could be more readily eliminated. 

‘Lines of defence’ was her initial thought, slim and stretched ones at that, more akin to guarding than defending. Small fires were scattered over the courtyard, but their positions suggesting piles of rubbish being burnt rather than a means to cut off access. Unless a whole horde of Red Templars were inside the Shrine, it sounded suspiciously like most had previously left. 

Whatever lay inside the building, they would have to clear the courtyard first. Kai carefully withdrew and reported to Cullen.

“That’s all there is?” he exclaimed frustratedly. “Maker, don’t tell me Samson’s already gone!” 

Her tone was resolute. “I couldn’t see or hear him, but we won’t know until we get inside.”

This had been Cullen’s concern; that their delayed arrival owing to the peace talks may provide him time to escape. It was clear the Inquisition was pursuing him, and sooner or later would uncover his hideout after the Red Templars left Therinfal. According to Cullen’s scouts, the force here was a light one. The main body of Red Templars was scattered across Orlais mostly, with some in Ferelden. 

If Samson had escaped, it could have remained undiscovered. Cullen had drawn away his people, not wishing to forewarn the forces inside. He was definitely not going to be thrilled if that was the situation.

Kai knew Cullen could be brusque, and blunt, that was his way when he wanted to get things done. This time, he was that, but tetchy too. Whether it was the prospect of facing Samson, or so much red lyrium, or both, Kai wasn’t certain. Even though he had left the Order, Cullen deeply loathed how Samson and Corypheus had subverted it. The mere mention of Samson’s name bought a glower to his face. Any sympathy he may have had for Samson in the past was long gone now.

In addition, Cassandra was observing him intently. The Shrine was littered with huge crystals of red lyrium, humming disconcertingly. It would impossible for anyone not to be affected around this volume of red lyrium, let alone someone still in withdrawal. And that was another reason the Horrors needed to be taken out of the picture. Kai didn’t want Cullen hit by the crystals or liquid they belched out. 

She had a plan, but in submitting it she had to be conciliatory. Cullen had already snapped at her a few times, unaware he was doing it. The last thing she needed was to imply she was challenging his authority. Time for that smoothness, she thought.

“Commander,” she began, using his title, rather than his name. “Could I offer a suggestion?”

He was frowning, but curious. “Let’s hear it.”

“The Horrors are our biggest obstacle, agreed?” she declared, seeing him nod. 

Kai outlined her idea. “Sera and I could stealth, throw a couple of flasks of Antivan fire to weaken the ones on the platforms, a couple of flasks of bees to the two further ahead behind the crates to panic them, and take out the first two with arrows. Then concentrate on the remaining two. The one at the top of the stairs wouldn’t have sufficient range until we advanced further in. But a knockout bomb could keep the three there unconscious long enough for us stick some shots into that Horror. The Guards would easy for you to handle after that. What do you think?”

The Guards had shields that prevented archers or mages getting much purchase on them. Frontline fighters were required to take them out. She recognised that and so did Cullen. 

“It’s risky,” he responded, contemplating her idea. He would run the scenario through his head before deciding. “You could be struck by the second two before you got the flasks away.”

“It’s a prospect, I agree. But...they have to build up a charge, valuable seconds for us to reach them first.” Kai looked at him and waited.

“All right. Let’s try it. But we’re moving in as soon as the second two are down, and the two of you leave the Guards to us,” he informed her resolutely. His manner showed he would countenance no discussion, and Kai had no intention of objecting.

“Agreed,” she confirmed.

Kai gestured to the others to join her and outlined the tactics to be used.

“Bees, awesome. How’s your throwing arm, your ladybits?” Sera snickered.

“Hard, and fast enough to match yours,” Kai smiled, seeing the lifted eyebrows.

Sera glanced at Cullen. “Been practicing then, I see.” 

Kai caught the irritated cough from Cullen and pushed Sera forward. Much as she appreciated the banter, he was in no mood. 

“Once we reach the first two, count to three and throw. Then straight away to the next. You take right, I’ll take left. Ready?” she checked, and Sera nodded.

Flasks in hand, they stealthed and headed in. It worked without a hitch, all four Horrors were down. Cullen, Cassandra and Bull followed on with Dorian behind. Kai stealthed and climbed over the crates, slipping past the single Guard launching a knockout bomb against the three Red Templars at the top of the stairs while Sera fired, taking out the Horror there. 

With one slam of his two-hander, Bull demolished the barricade, allowing Cassandra and Cullen to race up the stairs for the still sleeping Guards, while Bull focused on the one in the courtyard. Dorian inflicted a horror spell on the two still comatose and chilled the one Bull was hitting. Kai and Sera just shot what they could, but it wasn’t straightforward as they had to avoid their own people as they fired. 

Bull practically cleaved his frozen Guard in half with two more swings of his axe and Cullen and Cassandra made short work of theirs, the two Red Templars cowering in fear from Dorian’s spell. Before long all the Red Templars in the courtyard and on the stairs were dealt with. 

Kai caught her breath, gratified with how smoothly it worked. Bull and Dorian made their way up the stairs, reaching Kai and Sera’s position when the door to the Shrine opened. A great hulking mass of red lyrium lumbered out to face Cassandra and Cullen, still at the top of the stairs. Maker, a Behemoth. She had to get them out of there. From practice, she knew ice and bees would slow it and later the warriors could move back in.

“MOVE BACK! Get out of its way!” Kai screamed, but it was too late.

The Behemoth slammed its club into the stone, sending jagged red lyrium crystals into an arc around her people. Cullen and Cassandra were captured inside it, dropping out of sight as they were knocked down. Bull raced past her and Sera, hewing away at the crystals as the Behemoth raised the club a second time. 

“Dorian, ice the damn thing!” Kai yelled, feeling the cold stream of magic shoot past her, but it bounced off the crystals and only glanced the Behemoth.

Sera, swift as ever, was already loosing off arrow after arrow at it, Kai right behind her with the same. Arrows weren’t adequate with the armouring of red crystals on these things, no better than throwing pointed sticks. Down fell the club just as Bull broke his way through, and he staggered momentarily before finding his feet.

“Pull them out of there!” Kai barked.

She could hear Bull yelling and suddenly saw Cassandra grab Cullen and yank him out of there. When they were clear, Kai shouted.

“Dorian, ice! Sera, bees!”

“How about some fire instead, get it toasty?” Sera yelled.

She heard Dorian behind her. “I’m with her, Iet’s just roast it!”

“Finish it then!” Kai shouted.

Antivan fire flasks and a Wall of Fire rained down on the Behemoth. The noise of the screaming was deeply unpleasant as it was consumed by flames. They looked so inhuman it was easy to overlook it was a person once. Kai could swear she picked up a human voice screech somewhere in amongst the gurgling as it keeled over and shuddered its last gasp. It didn’t help. 

Then she spotted Cullen, leaning against the metal fence edging the stairs, head bleeding. It was just a few strides up, and Kai was there in an instant. 

“What happened?” she inquired, noticing his unsteady stare. She couldn’t restrain a hint of anxiety leaking out.

Cassandra was a little dazed, but her voice sure. “He lost his helm in the initial strike. We couldn’t reach the Behemoth before the second impact and Cullen got knocked back into the crystals.” 

Kai’s stomach turned over, but she managed to prevent it showing in her face. Had any got into the wound? Please, Maker, no. She had to know.

“Cullen, we have to check your wound,” she stated calmly.

“It’s fine, I’ve had worse. I need a minute or two,” he protested, his voice grumpy as he stared at her.

Bad moods and chains of command be damned, this wound needed looking at. If he had any red lyrium embedded in the wound, it was coming out now. She had no intention of losing her Commander to the effects of the bloody stuff. No one would be singing inside Cullen’s head if she could help it. 

Kai lowered her voice and included an official tone. “Commander, if you have red lyrium stuck in there, I’d prefer to remove it now,” she urged, staring back.

His answer was a reluctant one, but she knew he understood. “All right.”

“Sit please,” she directed in a collected, calm manner, waiting as he sat on the step. “If you haven’t taken a potion, I recommend you do it now.” Kai watched as he swigged one down.

“Dorian, could you pass me the bandages please?” As he handed them to her, she opened another potion, knelt down and worked on cleaning the wound. It was close to his hairline, but luckily hadn’t intersected it, making examination easier.

Keeping her attention on his forehead, she issued orders. “Sera, can you recce inside and see what awaits us, please? I’m guessing their orders are to remain and guard as they haven’t already come to greet us.”

“Gotcha,” answered Sera, slipping into stealth. A slight shimmer moved from the group and through the door, into the Shrine.

“How are you, Cassandra?” Kai asked, needing to determine how many were fit for the next round.

“Better now, Inquisitor,” Cassandra replied. “Ready to finish this.” Kai glanced up to check. She looked fine and Kai nodded in acknowledgement.

Turning her attention to Cullen, she examined the wound thoroughly. It was a nasty gash, but a clear nasty gash. She wrapped bandages around to cover the wound and contain the blood flow, now easing as his blood clotted.

“You’re clear, Cullen. No red lyrium. How are you doing otherwise?” she inquired, in the same even tone as she had sustained since they stopped.

His gaze appeared sharper now. “Fine. Let’s get this done,” he grunted. 

Evidently his disposition hadn’t improved. As he rose, Bull waved Cullen’s helm, the side caved in, likely caught by the Behemoth’s club in the second hit.

“I guess we have another casualty,” Bull observed, straight faced. 

Kai pressed her lips together to hold the smile threatening to burst out, but she picked up a snigger from Dorian. It was Sera returning who made the remark. 

“Ooo, good job your head wasn’t in there, Cullen. Would have messed up your coiffure no end.” 

“Coiffure?” Cassandra repeated, staring at her.

“Don’t they teach you anything in the Seekers?” Sera tutted, rolling her eyes. “It’s posh arses’ speak for hairdo.”

Cassandra snorted. “I know what it...”

“If we could return to the job in hand?” Cullen complained, cutting in brusquely. “I believe the Inquisitor requested you investigate inside.”

“ _She_ did,” Sera sniffed, swinging to Kai. “Left side, two guys with shields below; one squishy, spurty thing on platform. Right side, two squishy, spurty things. Looks like they’ve torched the place too.”

“Thanks, Sera,” she smiled gratefully. Just Horrors and Guards, thankfully no more Behemoths at least.

“I reckon your bloke’s done a runner, and broke his toys before he left,” Sera added, casually sauntering down the steps.

“Dammit!” Cullen said sharply, his jaw clenching. “He must have ordered his Templars to sack it before we could recover anything.”

“There might be something he missed. We won’t know until we have a look around. To do that we have to deal with the Templars he left behind first.” Kai watched Cullen carefully as she spoke knowing Cassandra was still noting his reactions.

He gave a vexed sigh. “Yes, I am aware what we need to do. Let’s continue.” His tone was still curt.

“Right. Sera and I could take care of the Horrors on the right, we can maintain our distance, and Dorian could torch the one on the platform, leaving the Guards for the three of you?” Cullen scowled at her as she made the recommendation. 

He gestured to Cassandra. “Seeker, could you give us a minute, please?”

Cullen waited until she had left, standing below with the others now. “I sense you assume I’m not fit to be in charge of this mission?” he alleged, not bothering to mask his displeasure “As you feel the need to organise tactics, perhaps you would prefer I stand down.”

Kai kept her expression and voice steady. “No, I’m simply offering you my opinion. If you consider it’s not appropriate, say so. Cullen, my observations and suggestions are based on how my people operate best. Nothing more.”

“Really?” he sneered. “You’ll excuse me for doubting that. I get the impression you and Cassandra are sceptical whether I’m up to this. I realise both of you are scrutinising me.”

Kai’s eyes widened before she could avert the disbelief showing. Cassandra always kept an eye on him at his request, to insure he could fulfil his role. Why was this suddenly an issue, and when did Cullen become paranoid? Of course they were keeping an eye on him; it was what they agreed before coming here. Kai was up front this time, no more soft diplomacy. The mood he was in, Cullen would think she was being evasive.

“We are watching you, but not in the way you propose. We’re concerned, not about your capabilities, but the effect all this red lyrium may have on you. Cullen, you’ve not been yourself ever since we arrived here, but I don’t think you understand that. I prefer not to take over from you, but I will if circumstances require I do. _We both agreed_ you being affected could be a prospect before we came, and _we both agreed_ I would take over should it become unavoidable.”

His glare as she spoke said it all. “Well at least you’re honest, I’ll give you that,” he snarled. “Fine, we’ll do it your way...this time.”

She bit back a retort, now was not the time. “Thank you,” was all she said.

Kai called back the others, giving them the details before they advanced into the Shrine. The infestation of red lyrium was even worse inside, along with crates of empty lyrium bottles. It was essential they get this mission completed as fast as possible, recover what they could and get out. Cullen, Cassandra, Bull and Dorian went to the left wing, while she and Sera went to the right. Flasks of bees and piles of arrows made short work of the Horrors. They had little defence against either and were quickly dispatched.

Sera smiled. “I saw, you got wasps in here too. Nice touch.” She was shaking a flask, the hum louder as she did.

“Nothing like a little extra buzz,” Kai grinned, seeing Sera chuckle.

Kai checked how the other team was working, catching the last Guard fall after a boot from Bull. They headed to the far end, so she and Sera joined them there. There looked to be another chamber ahead. Mindful of Cullen’s state of mind, she awaited his views first. 

His expression was uncompromising as he spoke. “Inquisitor, if you wouldn’t mind taking a look ahead,” he demanded, his tone stern and formal.

“Of course,” she responded and stealthed, surveying the room before reporting back. “Two Guards stationed at the top of a small staircase either side of a broad column in the middle. It’s blocking the view so there could be others hidden behind.”

Cullen issued his orders. “Right. Cassandra and I will take one, Bull the other. Sera can cover us, and the Inquisitor, Bull. Dorian, just do as you see fit.” 

Sera was faster than she was, and would be better covering Bull on his own. The fact Cullen had assigned her to cover Bull didn’t pass unnoticed by either Bull or Cassandra. It wasn’t just her who understood he wasn’t thinking straight, and his irritation with her clouded his judgement. 

“Cullen, no offence to the Boss, but I’d rather take Sera,” Bull insisted.

“I agree,” added Cassandra determinedly. “The Inquisitor would be better with us.”

Cullen glanced at the three of them. They were being practical, he wasn’t. Kai decided, if he didn’t accept their requests, she would take command and handle the fallout afterward.

Cullen relented unwillingly. “Fine,” he snapped, and strode up the stairs.

Cassandra moved closer to Kai and confided. “If there are any more Templars after these next two, you have to take over. He doesn’t recognise what’s happening to him.”

“Agreed,” she conceded, as they walked after him.

The six of them headed in, actioning his orders. As Cullen and Cassandra took on the left Guard and Kai covered them, she became conscious of a sound moving towards her. There was only one Red Templar that produced that noise, a Shadow, and it was clearly after her. Kai quickly stealthed, but the Shadow had targeted her. It struck from behind, slashing at her armour, and shoved her forward tumbling down the stairs. She dropped her bow in the fall, only just managing to grab one of her daggers before it was on her, the spikes looming over as she sprawled on the floor. 

Kai raised her legs seeking to kick it back, but a shield bash knocked it away before the spikes reached her. Cullen floored it in one blow, and pushing past her, hacked at it again and again until it stopped moving. His attack was heavy and relentless. Kai was still lying where she fell, watching Cullen’s movements closely. Certain it was dead he shouldered his shield and reached out to her. As she grabbed his hand, he tugged her up.

“Never again.” Cullen was grimacing, but his voice gentler. 

“Thank you,” she replied with a grateful smile, seeing him nod and stroll away.

Kai stared after him. That was his promise to her after the assassination attempt. Whatever else he was going through his desire to defend her was undiminished. The emotion welled up inside her, and Kai swallowed composing herself. She couldn’t allow her feelings for him influence her decisions if she had to remove him from command on this mission. 

The battle over, she retrieved her bow and continued after the others, noticing what looked like a workbench as she passed. She discovered them waiting by a large heavy door. Was this what the Red Templars were defending? There seemed little point stealthing now, just opening the door would alert anyone inside to their presence.

Cullen opened the door, scanning the room. Over his shoulder Kai could detect a figure resting on the floor, his back against the wall.

“It’s Maddox, Samson’s Tranquil,” he declared, surprised, and strode towards him.

Kai turned to her companions. “Dorian, Sera, can you take a look around and see if there’s anything back there that might be of benefit?” 

“I think I may have spotted something,” Dorian said. 

“Good, check it out, and see what else there is.” Dorian nodded, and they returned to the previous chamber.

Kai looked to Cassandra and Bull. “Could you both keep watch, please? Just in case. We need no more surprises.”

“Will do, Boss,” Bull confirmed. “Are you all right with...?”

“Yes. Thank you, Bull,” she assured him, patting his arm reassuringly. “But the sooner we get out of here the better.”

“Indeed, the humming is grating on my nerves,” Cassandra grumbled.

Kai stared at her and Cassandra waved her hand dismissively. “It’s just irritating. My concern is Cullen at this point.”

Nodding in acknowledgement, Kai moved deeper into the room, joining Cullen and Maddox. Cullen was crouched beside him. Maddox was ashen, scarcely stirring. She caught something about ‘blightcap essence and that it wouldn’t be long now’ as she drew nearer. 

“Hello Inquisitor.” Maddox greeted her in the same monotone all Tranquil used.

Making mages Tranquil always seemed such a barbaric measure. Besides cutting off their magic, it severed mages from their emotions and dreams, their tie to the Fade and left them incapable of caring for themselves. They became intensely focused and dependent. 

“You know me?” Kai queried.

“Samson spoke of you. He has been troubled by your pursuit,” Maddox answered. “After he left, I destroyed the camp with fire. We all agreed it was best. Our deaths ensured Samson had time to escape.”

Cullen’s furious voice answered him. “You threw your lives away for Samson? Why?”

Maddox looked at Cullen. “Samson saved me even before he needed me. He gave me purpose again. I wanted...to help.” Maddox’s head dropped forward as the life left his body. 

Cullen rose, scowling as he rounded to her. “We should look around, see if they missed anything.”

“The others are investigating the previous chamber. We can search in here.” Kai stepped closer to him and settled her hand on his arm. “And quickly, Cullen. We pick up what we can and sift through it _after_ we get out of here,” she advised him, her tone measured.

Cullen’s face took on a strained expression, blending with the irritation. Kai could hear him struggling as he spoke. “You were right. The infernal humming...the smell of the lyrium. I can taste it in the air. It’s not the same as normal lyrium, it’s...different, darker, like blood in your mouth, metallic, bitter...wrong. And the craving for it...stronger.”

She had to keep him focused so squeezed his arm to return his attention to her. “Cullen, let’s just concentrate on grabbing what we can and then leave.” She glanced at Maddox. “And arrange for Maddox to be properly laid to rest.”

“I’ll have someone take care of it,” Cullen nodded. His voice sounded a little less stressed but not normal. 

“Good. Now let’s see what there is here,” Kai instructed. 

She peered around; the room was littered with empty lyrium bottles, documents strewn over a table one side of the room and more scattered on the floor. The two of them gathered what they could, hoping something might yield intelligence for the Inquisition. It was then she noticed one document was addressed to Cullen, signed by Samson. Kai said nothing, tucking in with the parchments she scooped up.

Glancing at Cullen, she saw him with an empty lyrium bottle in his hand. Maker, no, her mind screamed. Her heart leapt into her mouth before she remembered the bottles near where he stood were empty. Even so, she wanted to snatch it out of his grasp.

Cullen looked around to her. “How much red lyrium is Samson taking? His resistance must be...extraordinary,” he exclaimed, flinging the empty bottle back onto the floor.

As Cullen turned away from her, her sigh of relief was hushed as the tension dissipated. It was plainly time to leave behind this Maker forsaken place.

“Cullen, we should go,” she stressed. “There’s nothing more here.” 

He acknowledged her words, heading for the door. Cassandra watched as he passed, glancing at Kai, who signalled silently he would be all right, and indicating they should go. She followed Bull and Cassandra out, and Dorian approached her. He was smiling.

As they made their way out, he showed her what he’d unearthed. “Lyrium-forging implements of remarkable design. Well, what’s left of them anyhow. I would surmise these belonged to Maddox. Think your Arcanist could do something with these?”

“Dagna? There’s very little Dagna couldn’t do,” Kai grinned. “I may indeed owe you a drink for these.”

“I have a better suggestion,” he smirked. “Get Josephine to cease hounding me to replace the bottles from the wine cellar, and we’ll call it quits. Remind her how immensely valuable my contribution to the Inquisition is.”

“How many?” Kai asked wearily.

“Fourteen...” he submitted. “...that she knows of.”

“Call it seven and we have a deal,” Kai insisted, with her strict tone. “She’ll never accept all.”

Dorian groaned. “Very well. Just don’t do that nanny voice again. You make me feel about five years old.”

“Wait one bit, I helped too,” objected Sera. “Where’s my reward?”

Kai rolled her eyes. “And what would you like?”

“Locks taken off the jam cupboard,” she requested.

Kai couldn’t keep back the snigger. “You want jam?” She then had a thought. “Wait, I’ve never known a lock to defeat you.”

“It’s a matter of principle,” Sera huffed. 

“You?” Dorian sniggered.

“Shut it you.” Sera glared at Dorian. “If I break in, it’s stealing. If it’s open, I’m just helping myself.” Sera looked at Kai. “You’ve treated me like family, and stealing would be disrespectful.”

Kai grinned. “If Lady Sera wants jam, Lady Sera gets jam,” she reassured her.

Sera blew a raspberry at Dorian, who shook his head. Kai just smiled as she took the tools from him. 

As the six of them arrived at the gate, Kai swung round and stared back. Pity they didn’t have trebuchets, she thought, she would willingly take this place apart, brick by brick.

The word abomination was ordinarily used for possessed mages, but in Kai’s mind this entire place was an abomination for the suffering it had wrought to their world. Corypheus, in his insane attempt for ‘destined glory’, wouldn’t hesitate to destroy everything to fulfil that objective, again.

Kai had made a promise to Leliana months ago, to do whatever it takes. Back then, she was wary of where that path could lead her, anxious it could prompt Kai to abuse her power, something she still agonised over. Looking at the Shrine of Dumat, she now viewed that promise in a different light. To do whatever it took may mean the cost of her own life. Kai didn’t wish to die, more than anything she wanted to spend her life with Cullen.

But if it meant defeating Corypheus and saving Thedas from the future she saw, she swore she would pay that price to save everyone she loved.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai had ensured their party put plenty of distance between themselves and the Shrine before they set up camp for the night. It was a lengthy journey back to Skyhold, but she hoped that with Maddox’s tools they had something to show for the trip, even though Samson had eluded them. Cullen’s mood had likewise improved being away from the lure of red lyrium. He was not yet his customary self, but the anger had abated, as had her anxiety for him. Even Cassandra no longer watched him so attentively, convinced he was returning to normal.

After they’d eaten, Cullen had withdrawn to his tent. There was the familiar banter around the campfire, even livelier now Sera had accompanied them, but he added very little, with just an intermittent small smile. The experiences at the Shrine had placed a strain on him and he appeared drained. Kai would check on him and then retire as well. 

Sera had the privilege of sharing with Cassandra, and her snores, on this trip, something Kai normally did. This time, Kai had her own tent mainly owing to the fact she was still suffering the dream, although not every night now. There was enough external threat without her adding to it. That night with Cullen was warning enough she wasn’t safe.

She poked her head through the flap, with a smile. “May I?” she inquired, watching him agree and summon her in.

His armour lay next to the bedroll, leaving him in a shirt and breeches as he sat there, pensive. Sitting next to him, she rested her hand on his arm.

“Haven’t we been here before?” she wondered, her voice easy. 

Cullen arched an eyebrow, baffled. 

“You, me, a tent?” she smiled.

He offered a slight smile as he recalled. “Planning to get me out of my breeches again, are we?”

“Did you need me to?” she chuckled. “You don’t look stuck on your arse to me.”

He shook his head, laughing a little, and then became thoughtful again. “If I’m not, it’s only because you stepped up and pulled me through.”

“Oh I reckon I was simply the bothersome little bee that wouldn’t give up poking at you,” she trilled. 

“You and Sera with your flasks of bees. Maker! Is there anything you wouldn’t use them on?” The slight smile was back now.

Kai grinned and brushed his arm tenderly. “I don’t imagine they’d do well in water, but apart from that, nope. Best investment the Inquisition made.”

“I disagree,” he responded, his smile broader. “In my opinion, _you_ are the best investment we made, at least for me.”

“Such flattery, Cullen,” she exhaled, fluttering her eyelashes with her hand on her heart. “You’ll turn a girl’s head.”

Cullen rolled his eyes, but the grin gave him away. Making him laugh was a distraction, she recognised that. He would ruminate on this mission. All she could do was lighten his load a little and make the time he spent worrying a little shorter. 

He slipped from her hand, and drew her closer, his arm wrapped around her. She hummed appreciatively and studied his face.

Cullen looked down at her, smirking. “I thought I’d already achieved that.”

Kai laughed. “Maybe you have.” She stared at his mouth, a wry smile playing on her lips. “So advise me, Commander. What does a girl have to do to win a kiss from you?”

“Make me a promise,” he sought, the smirk fading.

“What promise?” she inquired, bewildered now. How had this suddenly become serious?

“After this is all over, give me an answer.” He was scanning her eyes.

She furrowed her eyebrows trying to work out what he...ohh...her eyes grew as the realisation struck her. Kai glanced down, but Cullen lifted her chin, bringing her gaze back to him.

“Is it so hard to make that promise?” he inquired patiently.

She heaved a sigh. “Not the promise to give you an answer, of course I will do that.” She stared at him wistfully, fondling his cheek. “Cullen, we both realise there’s the prospect I may not return.” They had to be honest with each other about this; the likelihood was there.

“There’s a corresponding possibility you will come back. You’ve made it through so much already,” he implored, softly drawing his thumb over her lips, encouraging her to give more.

Kai stared into Cullen’s eyes, torn by indecision. Her heart wanted to tell him she would always come back to him, and nothing would keep her from him. Her head telling her this was folly, a romantic notion, unrealistic and foolish. She closed her eyes.

Kai felt Cullen’s cheek touch hers, and his lips brush her ear.

“You will come back to me,” he murmured. His voice was heavy with emotion.

“Always,” she whispered unthinking, her heart answering his appeal. 

As Cullen’s breath fanned over her mouth just before he kissed Kai, she forced away the little voice in her head. The little voice that told her she should never make too many promises in one day.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai returns from Emprise de Lion after taking care of the dragons and Red Templars, but word reaches Cullen of one adventure before her arrival. She also has a surprise for him.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW  
> .  
> .

Kai was soaking in her tub, clearing her head after much needed sleep. 

Glancing at the bed, she saw her finished commission and beamed. Hopefully that might be sufficient to placate Cullen, or at least calm him down. What she couldn’t work out was how on earth word got back from Emprise before her arrival. Dipping her head under the water, she let out a stream of air bubbles before surfacing. 

Maker, he had been so annoyed with her...

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai headed up the stairs to Cullen’s tower, observing the same routine each time she came back to Skyhold. She beamed, looking forward to her welcome kiss. Cullen would be busy preparing for the march to the Arbor Wilds, but she was sure she could grab at least a few minutes with him. 

After the Shrine of Dumat, he had returned to Skyhold. Both of them agreed the red lyrium in Emprise was not safe for him after his response to it at the Shrine. There was too much still there, even after the Inquisition had tried to eradicate it. He would take the tools back to Dagna and she could start work on a countermeasure for Samson’s armour.

Kai, Cassandra, Bull, Dorian and Sera took a detour to Emprise to deal with the three dragons and yet more Red Templars. It was there they received word Corypheus had assembled his forces and was heading to the Arbor Wilds, doubtless for the Eluvian Morrigan had informed them about.

Knocking on his door, she heard him shout ‘come in’, but in her excitement, she didn’t pay attention to the tone of his voice. However, the irate expression and clenched jaw as she stepped up to him told her there was a problem. He was glaring at her, arms folded.

“Hello?” she said warily, carefully eyeing him.

“Inquisitor,” came back the clipped response.

What was going on? Why was he angry? A thought occurred to her. He couldn’t have found out, could he? Surely not, how did word reach him before she returned? She smiled hesitantly.

“I...”

“Don’t even start. _I know._ Would you like to know how I know? Hmm?” he growled at her.

Kai nodded gingerly. 

“Walking through the barracks, that’s how. It’s a major topic of conversation, and I suspect probably everyone else in Skyhold knew before I did. Oh yes, _and_ you have a new nickname, would you like to hear it?” It wasn’t a question, he would clearly tell her, whether she wished to know or not.

Kai stared at him wanly. Let him vent his anger, and then she could describe what actually happened, she thought. 

“Dragonrider Trevelyan. Has a ring to it don’t you think? _Very romantic._ ”

Kai pulled her head back, eyes wider. Maker, now he was being sarcastic. She preferred plain anger. 

“Cullen...”

He lifted his hand signalling for her to hold. “I haven’t even started yet.”

Undoubtedly he proposed to give her an extensive lecture. A short scolding she could stand, but she was virtually falling down tired after the frantic dash back. Her attention wouldn’t last the duration, and if he considered she was discounting his words, it would merely exacerbate the situation. 

There was no other way, she would have to risk more immediate wrath and delay this until later. Cullen opened his mouth to continue, but she dived in.

Kai raised her palm in a halt gesture. “Commander!” she stated emphatically.

Cullen stared at her before closing his mouth with an audible snap of his jaw.

“Thank you. I do understand your concerns on this matter, _believe_ me, and will be more than happy to listen to them before describing the _actual_ events, but later. Right now I’m tired, _extremely_ tired and I’m sorry but I couldn’t give justice to what you wish to say. So if you would excuse me, I‘d like to retire to my quarters, with a promise I will return later, _after_ I’ve rested.” 

Kai bowed respectfully, catching the astonished expression on his face as she spun on her heel and wandered out of his office. She had one stop to make before going to her room. 

Reaching the Undercroft, she saw Dagna’s excited grin, and Harrit actually smiling.

“Looking at your faces, I would guess it’s...ready?” she inquired, seeing Dagna nodding eagerly.

“Close your eyes,” Dagna told her.

Kai closed her eyes, waiting for the evident reveal they had prepared. Tired though she was, a quiver of excitement ran through her.

Harrit spoke. “Open them.”

Opening her eyes, she saw it. Maker, it was incredible, so exquisitely crafted. Her eyes welled up, it was more, much more than she could have expected. She faced them.

“It’s stunning, I’m sorry I don’t know how to thank you both adequately,” she croaked, wiping away a tear.

“Now, don’t you cry, Inquisitor. Miss Sunshine and I were happy to do this for you. You do right by everyone here, we know that. It was our chance to give you something special.” Harrit’s tone was milder than his normal gruff manner.

Dagna spoke rapidly and passionately. “I always wanted to make something for the Hero, but now I have the chance to do it for you instead. Oh, and him too, as this is for...him. Harrit and I used only the finest. Dragonbone, and great bear fur for the mane and hide for the straps, and extra enchantments for protection. We matched everything to his armour.”

She presented the helm to Kai, who accepted it gratefully. A magnificent lion helm for her Lion of Ferelden. 

Kai cleared her throat to drive down the lump there. “It’s truly a work of art, and you are both incredible. Thank you so much,” she effused. 

They both smiled and Dagna nudged Harrit. “Told you she’d like it.” 

“Well, lucky she got it, the amount of time you spent fussing over it.” Harrit shook his head. 

“It had to be _just right_ ,” Dagna sighed contentedly.

“Well, it’s much more than that,” Kai smiled. “And I would like to offer something in return, something you would appreciate or need. Your decision. Think about it and let me know?”

She watched them glance at each other. “We will, Inquisitor,” Dagna beamed. “Now shoo, we have work to do here. Can’t have you cluttering the place up.”

Kai grinned, gave a deep bow and left, heading to her quarters, clutching her prize...or his prize. Maker, she hoped he would like it. She loved it.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Well, this was a thing, she thought, feeling fear and excitement in equal measure. One minute she was on the ground attacking the Hivernal with her companions, in the next she was swept up into the air by a single flap of its wing, landing onto its back. That would teach her to attack a dragon too close from the side. Her bow was on the ground somewhere; her daggers plunged into the dragon’s back, clinging on for dear life as it took off with her astride it. She could see her companions on the ground staring up at her as the dragon circled back over them. 

The four of them were watching the dragon flying above them, the Inquisitor hanging on. 

“Well, that’s something you don’t see every day,” Dorian observed casually. 

Bull shook his head in amazement. “How did she even get onto it?”

“So jealous, and there’s none left for me to have a go on,” Sera grumbled. The others swung to peer at her incredulously. 

This was their last dragon in Emprise. The other two went down without a hitch.

“Perhaps we should focus on how to get her down?” Cassandra suggested wearily. “Unless one of you would prefer to explain how we lost the Inquisitor?”

Dorian, Bull and Sera looked at Cassandra and then each other.

Cassandra snorted in disapproval. “Perhaps I should be more explicit? Which one of you want to inform her sister, or Cullen, or...” she paused for effect. “... _Leliana_?”

Bull cleared his throat. “Crap. She’d stab us, kill us, then stab us some more for the hell of it, _then_ she’d give our bodies to Cullen.”

“You assume we would get off _that_ lightly?” Cassandra scoffed. “The Inquisitor is a dear friend, remember.”

“He’d probably chop our heads off,” Dorian sighed.

“And cut off your danglies,” Sera snickered.

“Blessed Andraste! Sera, what goes on in your head? I’m sure Cullen wouldn’t cut off...those,” Cassandra groaned.

Dorian rolled his eyes. “I’m rather attached to my danglies, thank you, and have no wish to have them removed from my corpse. Or my head from my corpse for that matter. It would devastate the outline of my funeral outfit,” he sniffed.

Bull coughed noisily. “Guys! Task in hand?” He waited until the others were watching him. “Sera, can you try to weaken the wing, force it to land. Dorian, perhaps some focused power too? But please try not to perforate or fry the Boss. The Seeker and I are a little limited with range, so it’s up to you two to get this done.”

The dragon passed overhead, and they caught the yell, the Inquisitor’s voice a tad desperate. “A little help here, please?”

As Sera and Dorian began their careful co-ordinated attack, the group heard another voice, from the stairs leading to the top of the ring.

“Hello, I've got an important message for the Inquisitor from Sister Nightingale,” the woman called out, peering around.

“What now?” Cassandra complained. This was turning into a preposterous joke. She rushed over to the messenger. “What are you even doing here?” Cassandra inquired sharply.

“They ordered me to come, said it was imperative the Inquisitor gets the message,” she answered, taken aback. “Where is she?”

Cassandra looked up to the dragon, and the messenger’s eyes followed her. 

“Oh, Sweet Maker!” she proclaimed. “She’s riding a dragon? Wow...”

Cassandra tutted and seized the message from her hand. “Now go! It’s much too dangerous for you to be here.”

The messenger was mesmerized watching the circling dragon, with the Inquisitor hanging on.

“Go!” Cassandra screamed at her, seeing the woman finally dash down the steps. What was wrong with these people, she thought.

The flapping became louder, and she peered back up. It was almost down now.

“Seeker, get back over here, it’s landing. We’re on,” Bull yelled.

Cassandra drew her sword and hoisted her shield, running forward in the fray.

As the dragon finally touched down, Kai pulled out her daggers, slithering down the dragon’s back, feet back on the ground. Maker, she could have kissed it if it wasn’t frozen solid. After suffering some minutes of dragon flight, she had no wish to have her lips stuck to the ice and risk being trampled by the damn thing. 

Checking around, she saw Bull and Cassandra hacking away at it, Sera firing frantically, and Dorian flinging fire at it. While seeking to hang on, she’d twisted her embedded daggers repeatedly, hoping to make it land, to no avail. But she had damaged its back, opening up two large wounds. Kai pulled out a flask of Antivan fire and aimed for the spot. 

Bulls eye! It hit hard and flames spread over the dragon’s scales, provoking it to screech madly, the sound driving through her skull like a spike, overpowering her momentarily. Not only her, her companions too. This screech was more intense and more penetrating than they had encountered before. 

They were defenceless when it overwhelmed them. This dragon had to be dealt with immediately. 

“Bull, Cassandra, move aside! Dorian, Sera, keep going!” she hollered, hoping they could all understand her. They could and followed her orders.

Kai activated the Anchor, opening up a Mark of the Rift on it. She’d never tested it on a dragon before but it worked, holding it fast and injuring it. The dragon’s legs sagged, and it hit the floor, rolling onto its side. The Rift faded.

“Move back in,” she yelled, and dashed after Cassandra and Bull to the dragon, her daggers ready. 

The three of them hacked, slashed and stabbed, accompanied by Sera and Dorian firing off arrows and fire, until the last exhale of icy breath slipped from the dragon. All of them were panting hard. 

Kai had a thought.

“Bull, could you cleave one of its claws off for me?” she appealed, grinning.

“I could do that for you, Boss,” he replied nodding, and with one stroke of his axe, separated a claw cleanly from the foot. Kai removed her scarf and wrapped up the claw in it. She’d scrape off the flesh later. Her companions were observing her.

“A memento,” she answered laughing and holding up the scarf, to be greeted by groans. 

As she searched for her bow, Cassandra approached her. 

“We received an important message while you were up there,” Cassandra pointed to the sky. “Here.” She thrust the note into her hand.

As Kai read the message her brows furrowed. Corypheus was definitely on the move, and they had to return to Skyhold fast. Preparations were already in hand, and of course they were she thought. She had the best Advisory Council. They didn’t require her for every single thing, but they needed her for Corypheus. A shiver of trepidation went through her. Was this going to be _the_ encounter? She shook the feeling off.

Kai waved the parchment and called out. “We’re needed back home, folks. We have a date with a darkspawn magister.”

Cassandra placed her hand on Kai’s arm. “You finally get to face him again.”

Kai nodded.

“And I’ll be there with you,” Cassandra smiled.

Kai placed her hand on Cassandra’s. “As always, my friend, as always.” She smirked. “Someone needs to keep us children in line.”

Cassandra’s laughter was lengthy and loud.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Footsteps were tramping up the stairs, a little harsher than normal. Likely the frustration had abated little. She knew Cullen’s footsteps so well. _Oh crap, the helm!_ She had to hide it before he saw it. Kai stood up, water dripping off her as she snagged the towel and reached out to throw it over the helm. Her aim was precise, but her reach was a tad too far, and she slipped, tumbling forward out of the tub and onto the floor with a thud, ending up on her hands and knees, just as Cullen reached the top of the stairs.

She peered up as he rounded into the room. He looked displeased, his jaw set, until he saw her naked, on all fours, dripping onto the floor, hair dangling in a sodden mess. The irritation became confusion, then curiosity, then amusement.

Cullen stared at her and sighed. “Should I even ask?”

“I fell out of the bath,” she said lamely.

“How does someone fall out of a bath?” he questioned. “No, never mind. The explanation is likely stranger than the outcome with you.” He waved his hand dismissively.

Kai smiled and sat back on her haunches. “Funny you should mention that.” She cocked her head, watching him. “Are you still mad at me?” she ventured, peering at him from under her lashes.

Cullen looked up and then down at her, exhaling noisily. “I was, _but_ I’m prepared to hear your account first, before I say anything further on the matter.” 

He perched on the bed, luckily on the opposite side from the covered helm. Kai breathed a light sigh of relief.

“Perhaps I should put something on?” she suggested. “I’ll get...”

Cullen swung around. “There’s a towel here,” he offered, his hand just about to remove it from the helm.

“No!” she panicked. 

He halted, a baffled expression on his face. 

“I mean, a dressing gown would be better,” she smiled. 

Kai moved to her chair, grabbing the dressing gown lying over it. Now dressed, she sat next to Cullen on the bed. He darted a look at the towel.

“So, dragons,” she declared, her fingers on his chin, forcing his gaze onto her.

“Right,” he acknowledged, still a little curious. 

Cullen wasn’t slow and likely wondering what was underneath the towel, what it was she was hiding. She had to distract him, even if it resulted in a telling off.

“I didn’t decide to hop on its back and go off on a jolly, Cullen. It was being careful that got me into trouble,” she explained.

Cullen rolled his eyes. “Yes, of course it was,” he responded, unconvinced.

Her account had to be clear. “Honestly, I was actually trying to stay away from its rear leg, but admittedly I was perhaps a little too close to the wing. With one flap it swept me up into the air and I landed on its back. Before I could move, it had taken off. I couldn’t make the bloody thing land however much I gouged its back. It was Sera and Dorian that eventually forced it down, and I was off as soon as its feet touched the floor.” 

Kai watched him intently, smiling and hoping that sufficed to waive the scolding. 

“It wasn’t planned?” he asked, scrutinising her.

“Maker, no!” she asserted. “I don’t like heights.”

That caused him to chuckle. “I believe you. But...I’d better not hear of you pulling this sort of stunt again. Intentionally or _accidently_ ,” he emphasised.

Kai laid her hand over her heart. “You have my solemn word,” she declared adamantly.

“All right then. This time, no lecture,” he smiled.

Kai snickered. “No punishment either?” 

Cullen raised an eyebrow. “What you are thinking of does not qualify as punishment. Punishment should not be enjoyed,” he stressed, tapping her nose.

“Now it’s in my head,” she sighed, pouting in mock frustration.

“Why am I not surprised?” he groaned, grinning. 

Kai couldn’t resist snickering at his weariness with her, feigned though it was. Teasing Cullen was still fun, perhaps even more so now, she knew him so well it was easier to hit the right spots to prompt a reaction. Seeing him laugh or groan somehow made all the stresses go away. It was fun, simple, uncomplicated fun. 

Resting her palm on his cheek, she exhaled and grinned contentedly. “I do love you, you know that.”

“I surmised that,” he laughed, taking her hand and kissing it. “I love you too.” He tilted his head toward the raised towel on the bed. “So, what is it you’re hiding under there? I will find out, so you might as well tell me now.”

Narrowing her eyes, she groaned at him. “It was supposed to be a surprise, Cullen Rutherford,” she huffed. 

She caught the smirk, plainly he knew her well enough too. A smirk and ‘I love you’ was all it took to win her over.

“So?” he urged.

“Oh, all right,” she relented, seeing the smug look now. Here it comes, she thought.

“So...easily,” he drawled, watching her roll her eyes.

She still wanted to do a reveal, even if it wasn’t quite the one she had prepared. Kai intoned each word. “Close, your, eyes.” 

“Do I really have to?”

“If you wish to see it, absolutely.”

“Maker’s breath!”

Cullen shut his eyes, and Kai reached over tugging away the towel and grabbed the helm. “Hands out,” she directed, waiting as he brought them out in front of him. 

She gently drew them side by side and placed the helm onto them, the front facing him He couldn’t feel the textures with his gloves on, simply that something was there. Maker, she hoped he liked it. What if he didn’t? She hadn’t factored in that in to her scheme. It was too late to change it. Nervous now, she took a deep breath.

“Open them.”

Kai watched his face intently, waiting for his reaction. He stared at the helm, eyes large, then at her, then back to the helm, and finally to her.

“This is...?”

Her words spilled out, a tad frantic as she couldn’t tell if he liked it. “For you, my gift to remember me by. I promised you one, and it seemed the most practical. Especially now, as you lost yours. It’s a little ornate I realise, but it seemed so appropriate...” Kai hesitated, receiving a quizzical look. “...and it’s made from dragonbone and great bear fur and enchanted for protection and matched to your armour and...for the love of the Maker say something, Cullen!” Kai inhaled deeply to fill her depleted lungs.

“Maker’s breath, woman! I would _if_ I could get a word in,” he protested. “Have you quite finished?”

Kai nodded. “Yes.”

Cullen smiled that slight soft smile that caused the corners of his eyes to wrinkle slightly. “I like it.”

She let out a relieved sigh. “I think I would have been so embarrassed if you hated it.” 

He furrowed his brows. “Why would you imagine that?”

“Well, you know. Lion helm. Lion of Ferelden,” she glanced at him. “It seemed such a wonderful idea when I thought of it, and...” Kai saw the reproving look. “...and I’ll shut up now.”

“Come here,” he said tenderly.

He laid the helm onto the bed and gestured for her to sit on his lap. Taking off his gloves, he tucked his arm around her waist, and placed his palm on her cheek, bringing her face to his. Kai smiled as he brushed his nose over hers before kissing her.

“You worry too much,” he whispered. “I can see it’s a good helm. Perhaps more decorative than I would...”

Kai groaned. “I shouldn’t have...”

“...but I genuinely like it, so hush fretting,” he interrupted. “I promise to wear it when we go to the Arbor Wilds.” He smiled at her. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, smiling, seeing Cullen shake his head at her overreaction. 

He tucked wet strands of hair behind her ears. “You’re such a mix of contradictions. I’ve known you leading, directing people as if you’d been doing it all your life, including me I may add. Yet you sit there nervously looking to me for reassurance that I like your gift.”

“This is different. Out there I’m always the Inquisitor; in here with you I’m just me.” Kai ran her fingers over his lips. “I have to shed the mantle, otherwise...” She hesitated and took a breath. “...I’m scared that it will become who I am. It’s already caused me to change, some of it positive, some not so much. You chose your role, Cullen. I didn’t have that option, and all I can do is make the best of it, do the best I can with it.”

“I would suggest you have already done more than was called for. We all appreciate you never walk away, never give up. Point the Inquisitor at an obstacle and she’ll whittle it away to a solution.” Cullen pulled her to him, her head resting against his shoulder.

“I try,” she said, shuffling to get comfortable. 

“That you do,” he smiled.

Kai closed her eyes, at peace in his arms, ever safe in his arms. Here, the hundreds of individuals she was responsible for, the battles she had fought and was yet to fight, all the hopes and expectations of her, they melted away. At least for a brief time. She hoped that when their mission was complete and if she survived, they would have many more moments like these.

She opened her eyes and gazed at him. “Cullen, what do _you_ want to do when this is all over?” 

“Besides be with you?”

“Besides that.”

He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I had considered little beyond the Inquisition, not until recently. If we survive, I thought perhaps working to support some of the Templars left behind. Now the Order has collapsed, there’s no-one to care for those who can’t be weaned off lyrium. I not sure what precisely, maybe a sanctuary of sorts where they can live out their days. I’d also like better opportunities for those who can and do choose to stop taking it.”

“Is that what you want?” Kai asked.

“It would require land and resources, neither of which I have,” he pointed out. 

“But if you did?” she inquired. If her idea succeeded, Kai figured she could obtain both. 

Cullen looked down at her, a glimmer of understanding crossing his face. “You not asking hypothetically, are you?”

“That’s my Commander,” she grinned. “Constantly thinking.”

“You’ve been preparing plans of your own, I see,” he proposed, arching an eyebrow.

“The last, best hope of Thedas has to earn her keep somehow,” she joked. 

That was what Harding called her back at the beginning. She scoffed then, and she still scoffed at the notion. But what good was all this influence if she didn’t use to bring about change, to make things better. 

Kai continued. “Someone has to speak up for the Templars in all this, those that walked away recognising what happened with the Order was wrong. Those who remembered their obligation to protect people came first. And who better than you to do that.”

Cullen gave her a knowing smile. “It’s not just the Templars is it? I had the impression you’d been speaking with Fiona, when we found out about Cassie. But I expect it extends even further. Am I correct?”

“Perhaps you are,” she replied enigmatically. She appreciated how extensive her intentions were, but right now, secrecy was essential. “They all hinge on one outcome. If that doesn’t materialise, well, some rethinking may be required. But your idea, that is more than possible, even if everything else isn’t directly.”

“So what would you do, if my idea came to fruition?” he wondered, listening for her reply.

“Oh I’d be at your side Cullen, at home...”

Cullen’s laughter cut off her words. It was a good few minutes before he brought his mirth under control. “I’m sorry, you will never be the type to sit at home, I’m fully conscious of that.”

Kai prodded his breastplate. “I’ll have you know I can be domestic. I can cook...and stuff,” she sniffed.

“I thought noblewomen didn’t do that sort of thing?” he mocked. 

“My mother ensured we could all look after ourselves. She was an extremely practical woman,” she advised him. “Fighting and feeding, she called it. All of us, girls and boys. ‘You never know when it could save your life’, she would tell us.”

“So, why haven’t I been made aware of this before?” Cullen asked pointedly. “All these months and never once have you offered to cook for me.” 

“You never asked,” Kai snickered, hearing the weary groan.

“Always with an answer,” he grumbled.

Kai sat up and traced her finger upwards from his chin to his lips. “Maybe I will, given the correct incentive,” she smirked.

“You expect me to bribe you?” he asked, laughing. “I don’t know how good you are. Is it worth my while?”

Kai narrowed her eyes and grinned. “Who says your bribe would be good enough?” she taunted.

Cullen furrowed his brows. “Are you challenging me?” he demanded, pressing his face closer to hers.

Kai mimicked his action. “Maybe I am,” she replied teasingly, shifting to match him. 

He fixed her with a stare. “What do I get?”

She wasn’t expecting this. “Erm...” 

He watched her. “Well?”

“An apple and cinnamon pie?” she offered hopefully.

He mulled this over. “Agreed,” he accepted. “When?”

“What?!” she exclaimed.

“Well, if I’m challenged to offer payment in kind, I would prefer to know when the goods will be forthcoming,” he insisted.

Kai thought it over. They had a few days yet before setting out for the Arbor Wilds. She smiled. “Tomorrow?”

Cullen offered her his hand, and she shook it to clinch the deal. 

As he moved to kiss her, she heard, “It’d better be a good pie.”

Her giggle slipped into his mouth as he kissed her. Then the whimper, as he loosened the belt on her dressing gown and slipped his hand in, brushing his palm over her breast before teasing her nipple between his finger and thumb. She moaned and leant into the kiss. Suddenly he withdrew his hand and pulled away. She opened her eyes, planning to protest, but felt his finger on her lips before helping her onto her feet. 

“I need to take all this off,” he explained, smiling. “And you...” he gestured to the bed, “...on there,” he ordered.

She grinned and winked, abandoning her dressing gown onto the floor as she climbed naked onto the bed, stretching out to watch him undress. It would take him some minutes to divest all his armour and clothes, and that produced an idea. She rested her hand on the inside of her thigh and coughed gently to grab his attention. He glanced at her, and as she deliberately ran her palm upwards his gaze shifted downward.

Doing this in front of him felt a little odd, a tiny bit embarrassing, but also illicit. Her hand lingered between her legs, awaiting his reaction. He flashed a look at her, smirking, before his eyes trailed back to her hand. They generally spent weeks apart, so it was no wonder both of them would pleasure themselves, missing the other. But he was constantly there in her thoughts, along with her fantasies about him when she had precious time alone. She had jokingly dubbed it ‘self calibrations’ before Adamant, a remark that stuck, one of those silly little things shared between the two of them. 

Dipping them inside, she glided her now wet fingers upwards, stroking herself with soft circling motions, watching Cullen’s face as he watched her movements. His armour, normally carefully put aside, was dumped onto the floor and left where it fell as his clothes followed, his gaze hardly moving away from her. The desperation to discard his clothes and the need to join in turned her on even more. 

She could no longer keep her eyes open, the ache inside her demanding to be freed. Now, only two things mattered, the pleasure she felt and knowing this time, he was with her. The bed sagged, and she felt him beside her, his mouth hot on her breast as his tongue circled her nipple, eliciting a sharp gasp from her. She stepped up her pace as his hand cupped her other breast. 

She needed, wanted resolution, to surrender to the wave of heat and release of tension as she came. Almost there, almost there...her head arched backward and a heavy groan slipped from her mouth as the orgasm overtook her, a pulse now beating inside. His lips were on hers, kissing her as she shuddered. He would hold her until her body settled. 

When it was over she opened her eyes to catch him grinning at her. 

“Perhaps I should add impetuous to the list,” Cullen joked. “And don’t imagine this lets you off anything. A contract is a contract.”

“I wouldn’t conceive of it,” Kai laughed. “However, I do recall there was talk of...bribery. Don’t assume it lets you off either.”

She followed him as he moved her legs allowing him to kneel between them. He leant over her resting on his elbows, his face above hers and smirked. She sighed, feeling his erection pressing against her.

He chuckled at her reaction. “I have one question.”

“Which is?” she smiled.

“Will you expect bribery if I suggested you cook for me again?”

“I hadn’t considered that, but now you mention it...”

“Well, let’s see how good your initial offering is first,” Cullen grinned.

Kai arched an eyebrow. “Let’s see how good your bribe is then.”

“Impossible woman,” he remarked, shaking his head.

“You knew what...” his kiss cut off her words.

The kiss was deep and passionate, but unhurried, and when he moved tracing the shape of her face and neck with his tongue, she knew she was home. The soft bites on the crook of her neck were met by soft moans as her fingers weaved their way into his hair.

This dance was so comfortable and familiar, even though the steps varied. His body had hardly changed in the time they had been together, as muscular, scarred and beautiful as she recalled from the first time. But hers had. What were soft curves in the beginning were now honed limbs, toughened from all the battles she’d fought. And the scars depicting her journey, each one a memory, and he didn’t mind them.

He drew back studying her, running his hands down the curves of her body, assessing the changes since they were last together. His hands gripped her hips, and she crooked her legs upward, tilting her lower body to allow him access. He smiled as he guided himself into her, watching as she smiled back in reply. The initial push sparked brief pain and caused her muscles to clench, eliciting an exclamation, before it passed and he slipped deep into her. Longer periods away meant more discomfort as she had to adapt to his size. But this time it was easier.

Slow measured thrusts stretched her more, drawing out a whimper each time he pulled out and pushed in again, stoking the heat inside her. As he rocked against her harder and a little faster, whimpers became moans, heat became fire, and the tangle of pressure in her core grew bigger and heavier. She loved it when he fucked her, she loved it when he made love to her, but more than anything she loved him. And he was hers.

Trying to hold her eyes open was hard, but she wanted to watch him. His face losing concentration as he let go abandoning himself to his desire, it turned her on even more. His eyes narrowed, his mouth open as his breath came in grunts and pants the faster he took her. He spotted her staring at him, and pushed hard into her, smirking as he did. It was so unexpected, it sent a tingle up her spine and she jerked, almost forcing him out.

“Maker, what was that?” he panted.

“Unintended consequences,” she breathed, hearing the ‘Oh’.

Her eyes rolled shut as she now let go to her passion and the ecstasy within as he pressed her closer to the edge. Blood pounding a pulse in her head, breath choppy and ragged, her insides tight and burning, her body pleading for release, she drove her hips against him, her hands clawing his buttocks forcing him as far as he could penetrate on every stroke. Finally, she smashed through, her muscles gripping him fiercely as she did, enough to drag a ‘Maker’ from him as he followed on, his hips stuttering against her and a rough grunt falling from his lips.

He lowered his body, resting on his elbows as he kissed her. They both smiled, and she caressed his face as he remained inside her for a few minutes more. She then nodded, and he rolled off, flopping back onto the bed next to her. She took her familiar position, head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, and he curled his arm around her. 

“Well,” Cullen said, still a little breathless. “Is that bribery enough?”

Kai pushed herself up a little and shifted to face him. His hand stroked her shoulder.

She cleared her throat, lilting as she spoke. “Cullen, I give you my word, the pie will be fucking outstanding.”

As he roared with laughter, her laugh married with his.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The allied forces of the Inquisition, Orlesian Army and Blades of Hessarian take on Corypheus' army in the Arbor Wilds. Kai and her team finally face Samson and Corypheus again. Cullen and Leliana join forces.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *possible trigger warning for the end of the chapter*  
> .  
> .

Cullen could hear shouts coming closer as he and his squad were battling three Red Templar Guards and a Horror. They needed to hold the path to the Temple clear for the Inquisitor. Ice and arrows whizzed past his head, and he heard a gurgling noise as the Horror fell. A great horned blur slammed another Guard to the floor, Bull taking its head off as it was lying there. 

Cassandra arrived beside him, and the two of them promptly took down another Guard as his squad finished off the last one. This battle was not like Adamant, with forces pitted against forces, it was a series of skirmishes one after another. One group dealt with and then another appeared. He assumed Corypheus was running out of Red Templars to hurl at them, and was using them sparingly, keeping them back for some other purpose.

Their scouts had seen Corypheus and Samson enter the Temple. All the combined forces had to do was provide the Inquisitor a chance to reach it. After that, it was up to her and her team. He acknowledged Cassandra, nodding gratefully as they both sheathed their swords and shouldered their shields. A familiar figure strolled up to him, shouldering her bow as she approached. The skirmisher helm hid most of her face, but not her green eyes, which twinkled as she gazed at him.

“Nice helm, Commander,” the Inquisitor grinned as she removed her helm.

“Thank you, Inquisitor,” he acknowledged, removing his lion helm, allowing a smirk to pass over his face.

She sought to conceal the sigh by clearing her throat. “Anything new, Cullen?” she inquired.

“No one has gone in or come out since we’ve been here, although we heard fighting inside,” he reported. “I suspect their progress has been impeded.”

“Yes, we ran into some elves. Best stealth I’ve encountered, and very dangerous. Strange thing was, as soon they caught sight of the Anchor, they disappeared. Haven’t bothered us since.” The Inquisitor lifted her hand and Cullen could see the Anchor showing through her glove, more lively than usual.

He remembered what Morrigan had mentioned about old Elven magic lingering in the woods. Maybe it was influencing the Anchor. 

“Does it trouble you?” he asked, concerned.

“Surprisingly no, considering,” she replied, staring at the green glow flowing over her palm. 

The last time he’d known the Anchor so busy was the night she woke after her nightmare. It was plainly more active, or perhaps reactive was a better description. She faced him with a calm expression and ready smile. If he didn’t know her better, she looked confident, ready to undertake anything, a leader to inspire and encourage. But Cullen knew it was only partially accurate. The doubt and anxiety would be concealed under a mask as she termed it. 

As he watched her, he saw her hand rest momentarily on the top of her chest, just below her throat. It was her way of letting him see she was wearing the coin. His hand touched his pocket briefly to tell her his was there. She smiled lightly, and he blinked slowly.

“Well, I suppose we’d better get to work. Corypheus won’t get defeated on his own, will he?” she bantered, louder now.

He caught the laughter from the men in his squad. She made it look so effortless.

“Indeed not, Inquisitor,” he smiled.

As she shifted to leave, he called to her. “Inquisitor!”

She swung back. “Yes, Cullen?”

“Good luck,” he grinned.

Her face was radiant as for a moment she ignored everyone around them and smiled only for him. “I don’t need luck, I have arrows,” she trilled, and donned her helm, walking forward with her team behind her.

He put his helm back on, standing by for the next encounter, and thought of her visit last night...

\-------------------------------------------

Cullen was leaning on the small table in his tent, pouring over the rough and incomplete map they had of the Arbor Wilds put together by his scouts. He didn’t like having sketchy information before committing to such a substantial push forward. But he had to be grateful for what they had. The combined Inquisition, Blades of Hessarian and Orlesian forces had pushed back the Red Templars, setting up a forward camp. But he had not allowed the Inquisitor to join them until it was secure. 

She didn’t like it, demanding to help out in clearing the area. He forbade it, refusing to bend, and she eventually relented. They needed her safe and rested, ready to take on Corypheus. Finally he let her accompany them.

“Commander, shouldn’t you be asleep?” a voice declared with slight hint of reproval.

He hadn’t heard her enter; she was now as good as Leliana. Cullen smiled, but didn’t turn to face her. “I could say the same to you.”

He only just heard her light footsteps as she joined him, slipping her arms around his waist. A face peered around at the map he was studying, and he looked at her. She smiled as she stared back at him.

“I thought I’d...”

“Come and distract me instead?” he finished as he turned and took her into his arms.

“Perhaps a little,” she winked. “I thought you might want to wish me luck.”

“Did you now?” he smirked, catching her gaze fall to his lips.

He kissed her, feeling her sigh slip into his mouth as she relaxed in his arms, letting her head settle back onto his hand as he pressed her deeper into the kiss. He understood what she needed why she was here. This kiss was to provide her comfort and strength. It was some minutes before she pulled away slightly, rubbing her lips together, eyes still shut. He drew back.

“Better?” he suggested tenderly.

Kai exhaled. “Much better,” she murmured, opening her eyes. 

“You’re worried,” he stated, observing her.

She settled her palm on his breastplate and gave a short sigh. “Yes. It’s the first time I will have confronted him since Haven.”

He caressed her face. “I’d be more concerned if you weren’t worried. Some caution is desirable.”

“I don’t know what else we’re walking into here. Samson and his armour are enough to contend with, but Corypheus too...” She patted his breastplate. “Still, it has to be done.”

“You have the rune, don’t forget that. Break his armour, and Samson’s just another Red Templar,” he informed her, seeing her nodding.

“We have to find this Eluvian and prevent them using it,” she answered thoughtfully. “That future cannot happen. We have to stop him.”

The future she saw in Redcliffe still haunted her. Only two people had seen it, Kai and Dorian, and they both had the same expression when they spoke of it, as if words could not do justice to the horror they witnessed. It was the smell, she said, that was the worst, the smell of despair and hopelessness. You could close your eyes to what was around you, she told him, but you couldn’t avoid breathing the air.

He kissed her forehead. “You will,” he urged, catching a modest smile burst out.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“For what?” he asked, running the back of his hand over her cheek.

She kissed him softly on the lips. “For everything.” 

He pushed aside the small voice inside that heard this as a goodbye, and pulled her to him, holding on.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Since their last skirmish, and after the Inquisitor had entered the passageway, there was no further contact with Red Templars. Cullen saw another visitor arrive instead, Leliana.

“Did she make it in?” she inquired, peering at the narrow passage.

“As far as I know, it’s been...” 

A huge explosion rocked the ground, interrupting his words. Leliana looked back at him.

“ _That_ did not sound good,” she declared, frowning. “We have to investigate.”

“Agreed,” he acknowledged. 

As they listened, they could hear the fighting had ceased, it was eerily silent. Should the worst have happened, they had to know. The Commander in him was already thinking of contingency plans; the part that loved her prayed that it wouldn’t come to that. 

They made their way to the passage, carefully working their way along, when a short distance from the end they picked up a deafening screech and the harsh thump of wings. Cullen recognised the sound, Corypheus’s dragon. _Maker no,_ he thought as Leliana halted.

“Wait here,” she advised quietly. “I’ll check ahead first. We don’t need to run into trouble.”

Cullen nodded and watched as she stealthed, a dim shape moving silently forward. He now understood where Kai had learned her technique, the similarities were strikingly visible. Looking down the passage, he saw the dragon swooping, burning as it did. Other than that he couldn’t see what else was transpiring. However worried he was for the Inquisitor, needlessly rushing ahead would assist no one. Leliana would let them know quickly enough if aid was required. 

After another few minutes, the misty shape returned and Leliana unstealthed.

“They made it across the bridge,” she reported. “I watched them pass through the doors of the Temple before the dragon reached them. It’s gone now, along with its master. Come on.” 

An audible gasp of relief slipped out before he could check it, and Leliana raised an eyebrow as she stepped away. He beckoned to the soldiers, and they followed her to the end of the passage. What greeted them was a scene of carnage, dead elves and Red Templars scattered below them. Who were these elves, and more importantly were they an additional obstacle to overcome? Cullen could detect no sign of Samson amongst the bodies, so doubtless he’d made it inside too.

Tracing the direction of the Inquisitor’s team across the bridge they reached at the gigantic doors to find them magically sealed, blocking access. Although they could not get in, it meant Corypheus couldn’t either. That left Samson and however many Red Templars were with him. 

Cullen turned to Leliana. “Unless we can identify another way in or these doors unlock, it’s up to the Inquisitor now,” he reasoned, seeing her expression pensive. 

“Andraste watch over her,” she declared faintly. 

It was rare to see Leliana like this, but in that moment he felt some affinity with her. Kai was Leliana’s friend, and they had history that extended further than his relationship with her. If they lost Kai, she would feel the cost as much as he.

 _Maker, bring her back safely to both of us,_ he thought, as they wandered back over the bridge. Leaving one of his soldiers on watch at the passageway to report any developments, he and Leliana returned to support their forces.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

 _Morrigan, bloody Morrigan,_ Kai thought fuming a little still as they were taken through the Temple by one elf. Why did she allow herself to be manoeuvred by the wretched woman? She of all people knew of Morrigan’s history with Aedan, and should have known better. Kai had argued against Cassandra’s disquiet and Bull’s irritation to complete the Rites of Petition Morrigan suggested they perform. After running into the Elves in the forest Kai erred on the side of caution, believing if they showed obeisance it may remove another potential adversary. Fortunately for them it worked. 

What she hadn’t bargained for was Morrigan’s desperation to claim the Well of Sorrows, chasing after Abelas. It was just the four of them supporting the Elves against the Red Templars, slowing their progress through the Temple, and leaving their forces outside having to handle the bulk of the enemy. She could hear the grumbling behind her.

“Morrigan evidently wanted the Well for herself,” Cassandra complained. 

“Yes, and we’ve as good as granted her the chance to take it,” Bull growled. “We should have jumped in the hole.”

Only Dorian stayed silent, he had agreed with Kai’s opinion. 

It wasn’t a pleasant outcome. 

Whatever this Well was and whatever it contained, it couldn’t be allowed to fall to Corypheus. What they should do with it, she hadn’t determined yet. This whole mission had taken an unexpected turn and Kai needed better information before she could come up with another strategy. 

Her days of winging it had become less as caution and careful thought became more. The events she witnessed and experienced convinced her she couldn’t simply guess at the best outcome anymore, her instinct couldn’t carry her through. Difficult decisions were becoming more and more commonplace.

And when they returned to Skyhold, no doubt there would be the fallout from another decision, this time from her family.

\------------------------------------------------------

The immediate feud within House Trevelyan had been successfully resolved. Kai expected no less from Ryla Helmi, a simple task for someone of her capabilities. She notified her Advisors that specific matter was now dealt with. Josephine had been especially relieved.

As Kai sat re-reading the letter from Wilhelm, she realised the principal problem was yet to be settled. This one she needed to handle herself, privately. It was a family matter, and she had no wish to have her Advisory Council embroiled in it. She too elected to keep Lyssa in the dark, so she wouldn’t be entangled in Kai’s plan.

The underlying issue was her father. The letter from Wilhelm confined her worries, Bann Trevelyan’s behaviour was increasingly eccentric, his decisions questionable and there were murmurings against him even amongst the more distant members of the house. He had lost respect and lost authority. If this continued, House Trevelyan was in danger of splitting wide open, so order had to be restored. 

It was Wilhelm who proposed the solution. Word of the Ferelden-Orlais peace treaty had reached Ostwick, her reputation and standing boosted by the successful conclusion, establishing her authority in the eyes of her family. This allowed her a degree of influence, influence she was now about to exploit...to overthrow Papa Trevelyan.

The intention was for her to demand he stand down and allow Wilhelm to take over for the sake of House Trevelyan. Her father would view it as betrayal, and it was. Her reasons were vague and spurious to say the least, but compelling enough for a man of his religious devotion. His inability to concentrate the efforts of House Trevelyan was affecting her holy mission, and the strength required to thwart the forces of evil arraigned against her. 

But first she had to write to Wilhelm, insuring his letter arrived before her father’s, giving him time to prepare. In return she would demand her brother honour Lyssa’s annulment, allow her to retain her title, family connections and that any future marriage arrangements were given up to her. Wilhelm owed Kai, and she bargained on his agreement to her conditions. He had the most to gain from this arrangement.

Kai was fully aware her own title would be surrendered, but perhaps some connections could endure. She presumed her father would insist on her expulsion as a condition, but she had previously come to terms with that. Compared to what was at stake it didn’t matter. The Inquisition and their allies were due to march on the Arbor Wilds. They would either make through the impending battle, or they wouldn’t.

The alliances they created, the forces they now possessed relied on the authority and influence of the Inquisition, not whether she was Lady Trevelyan anymore. She was the Inquisitor, a title sufficient in itself. 

Kai wrote the letters, drawing upon all her knowledge and skill with words. Not to be diplomatic this time, but to be determined, uncompromising and ruthless.

\---------------------------------------------------------

 _The man was utterly deranged,_ Kai thought, listening to Samson rattling on about Corypheus. _Did he actually believe the words he’d been fed or was it purely a means of sustaining his lyrium habit?_ Either way Samson was crazy and dangerous. She slipped her hand into her pocket, awaiting an opportunity to use the rune. 

Helping Corypheus reshape the world, he claimed. She’d seen the world Corypheus would bring about and it wasn’t some new happy dawn. It was truly the end of the world. _Not on her watch they wouldn’t,_ she thought. Kai assessed their opponents as Samson spoke; two Horrors, a Templar and a Knight and Samson himself. Evidently that was all he had after leaving most of the others behind to confront the Elven Guardians and them. The Horrors were a complication, but the Knight could transform any Red Templar to a Horror, he had to be handled first. They certainly could have done with another mage right now. _Bloody Morrigan._

Kai caught the end of Samson’s latest tirade, his red lyrium armour pulsating as he gestured menacingly at her. 

“...So Inquisitor, how will this go?” Samson sneered, doubtless waiting for her to recoil at his words.

Kai drew out the rune and rendered his armour with a resounding crack. “Power’s well and good, until it’s taken away,” she smiled coldly.

His face exploded into shock and fury, and she heard the familiar words “Kill them all!” She recognised this tune.

A flask in each hand, she flung them both, Antivan Fire at the Knight and Bees at the Horror on the left. From behind her came more fire from Dorian, targeted at the Knight. Cassandra and Bull ran forward heading for Samson. 

Before she could grab her bow, she picked up a whizzing noise, and sensed several small hard strikes on the right side of her helm, smacking her head backward. The second Horror had unleashed red crystals at her, but it looked like her helm had deflected them. She grabbed more Bees and threw it in its direction before firing arrow after arrow at the Knight. Finally he was down, with more magic from Dorian, who set a Wall of Fire on the Knight and Horrors. Magic, more flasks and arrows ensured they were finally gone. 

The Templar was heading straight for her and Dorian, but before he reached them, one elf wielding a large maul stepped in, pummelling him to a pulp. Now there was just Samson. When she glanced over, the man she saw was redder, possibly due to his armour. Even though it was cracked, it apparently had some power remaining. As she shifted to face Dorian, gesturing him forward, he likewise looked redder. 

Something was terribly wrong with this picture. Kai closed her right eye, and the world looked normal. She opened it and then closed her left. The world was a hazy red as if someone had a draped a sheer red cloth over that eye. A judder hit the pit of her belly; her right eye was bleeding inside. She knew, _she knew._

Evidently, not all the red lyrium was deflected; some had punctured her eye. This was not good, really not good, but right now they had to defeat Samson. Then she could fret about singing in her head. Maker, all the care she’d taken at the Shrine to protect Cullen, and she ends up the one contaminated. At least she could still see and still fight.

Kai began loosing off shot after shot as Dorian hit him with repeatedly with fire, and Cassandra, Bull and the Elf were hacking away at Samson. He wasn’t giving up easily, whirlwinding madly forcing the warriors to pull back as he did, but bit by bit they were wearing him down.

Her eye started to hurt, and recalling the regeneration potions numbed as well as regenerated, she threw one back as they continued attacking Samson. It worked, drawing away the pain. She had to focus and drive back the voice of warning inside her. Later, she had to worry about this later.

Finally Samson went down, badly injured, but not dead.

Cassandra glared at his prostrate form. “Sweet Maker, he’s still breathing?” she exclaimed, glancing up at Kai in amazement.

When Kai removed her helm, surprise changed to dismay as Cassandra spotted her eye. “Inquisitor, your...”

“I know,” Kai interrupted. “I need to...”

Abelas racing towards the Well, the bird form of Morrigan tracking him, cut off her words. Kai threw back another draught and sprinted after them, up a rapidly forming set of stairs, her companions in hot pursuit.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

They had only one skirmish since the Inquisitor entered the Temple. Cullen had dispatched one of his squad to investigate out how their forces were doing. From his report, it appeared the same situation was mirrored elsewhere in the forest. Either there were so few Red Templars left, or they had fallen back. Both eventualities spelt good news for the allied armies.

“Commander!” came a yell from the entrance to the passageway. It was the soldier he left to monitor the bridge and Temple doors. “The doors are opening,” he notified him.

“Fetch Sister Nightingale,” he shouted back, seeing the man head up the hill.

She had insisted on coming with them when they had access to the Temple, informing him he required a stealthy scout, now there was no Inquisitor to aid him. She grinned as he snorted at her suggestion, knowing she was right.

When Leliana arrived, the two of them along with his squad, headed cautiously into the Temple. They passed through courtyards eventually ending up in a chamber where they found a group of Elves heading in the opposite direction, likely heading to where they came in. For a moment both parties eyed each other warily.

It was Leliana who stepped forward.

Her tone was inquiring, but polite and soft. “Could you help us? We seek the Inquisitor, she has a mark on her hand.” She lifted her left palm. “Have you seen her?”

Again he noticed the resemblances between Leliana and the Inquisitor, the same gracious manner the Inquisitor would have used manifested in Leliana’s voice as she spoke. It was noticeable how the student had mastered most of her skills from her teacher, their Spymaster. But the humour was exclusively the Inquisitor.

An elf came forward, “We have met her, your Inquisitor. She is with the others at the Well. She is…respectful for a human.”

 _Of course she was,_ Cullen thought. _Drop her into any situation, and she would rapidly work out what was required, and how it should be addressed._ He felt a tinge of pride. 

“Could you guide us to her, to this Well?” Leliana requested, applying a calm tone of persuasion.

The Elf thought for a moment. “We will escort you part of the way.” He exchanged words with another Elf who went to a doorway, ostensibly waiting for them. 

He faced Cullen and Leliana. “But you are not the only ones here. Your enemy, the tainted one, searches for the Well as we speak.” 

With that the second Elf tapped her cane, signalling for them to follow.

“Thank you,” Leliana nodded respectfully.

Cullen and Leliana looked at each other.

“We have to reach her before he does,” Leliana said emphatically.

Cullen nodded. 

He toyed with the thought of sending one of his men back to fetch more soldiers. But if she required support, the more of them that were there the better, however few they were in number. Plus there was no guarantee the others could locate them in time. He would have favoured more men if they had to take on Corypheus, but right now reaching the Inquisitor’s team, and recovering her if need be, took priority. Then they could work out what to do about Corypheus if they all survived.

 _Maker, watch over us all,_ he prayed silently.

The six of them followed the Elf as she showed the way.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Kai scratched her head seeking to concentrate. It wasn’t easy; she was endeavouring to quieten the rising panic inside her as the sight in her right eye worsened slightly. They had to determine what to do with the Well of Sorrows before the red lyrium sitting inside her commenced communication. Morrigan was worryingly eager to drink from it, and Kai was uneasy with her evident readiness to do so. 

She asked Dorian, but he declined. It left either her or Morrigan. Kai was reluctant to let Morrigan do it, but she didn’t know what effect it would have on her if she drank instead. The Anchor on her hand, red lyrium in her eye, and indeed more Elven magic in the Well, with the prospect she would be bound to some dead Elven god. Maker only knew what that combination could produce.

Morrigan continued to press her. “I have the best chance of using the Well...for everyone. Let me drink,” she urged. “I will be your sword and fight at your side.”

Kai stared back at the Well. Maybe _she_ should risk it, who knew what they may ultimately require. She moved forward and felt a hand grasp her arm. She twisted to look at Cassandra standing there.

“We do not have time to debate this further,” she declared quietly. “I have always supported your decisions, even if I disagreed with your choices. But...I cannot let you do this. The Inquisitor must not be controlled...by anybody or anything. Let her drink if she chooses to take the risk.”

Kai looked at her, then to Dorian.

“Listen to Cassandra, don’t do this,” he urged, his face registering concern.

She turned to Bull. “I would rather you had this information than her, but...it’s your decision, Boss.” His tone was reluctant, and she saw him exchange glances with Dorian.

Kai exhaled heavily. Cassandra had supported her through so much, at times objecting, even grumbling about her choices. But every decision Kai made, she endorsed, no matter what. Perhaps it was her own judgment that was clouded this time. Maker help Morrigan if she double crossed them.

Kai swung back to face Morrigan. “Fine, it’s yours. But if you don’t honour your pledge, Morrigan, I will personally hunt you down to the ends of Thedas if I have to, Eluvian or no.”

Morrigan huffed indignantly. “Of that I have no doubt. Your reputation for persistence is rightly earned. I see no reason to recite assurances as you evidently choose to disbelieve my words.”

Kai folded her arms. “I wonder why?” she derided.

“Fine. Let us...”

Cassandra groaned loudly. “We’re wasting time. For the love of the Maker, just get on with it!”

Morrigan shot a withering glance at Cassandra and walked forward into the pool. As she submerged bodily, the water rose upwards into a wave and crested, crashing onto the ground by the pool. Morrigan was left behind sprawling on the floor of the Well, seemingly unconscious. Kai ran forward.

“Morrigan!” she called out. 

Morrigan sat up, babbling in Elvehn, staring around her distractedly, before she appeared to gather her wits. As she stood up, a smoky blue mist surrounded them both.

“Erm...I hate to be a party pooper, but we have an unwelcome guest,” Dorian said anxiously, pointing back at the entrance.

They turned to see Corypheus standing at the entrance to garden and judging by the violent way he took flight he clearly saw them too.

“Through the Eluvian,” Kai shouted as the mirror burst into activity.

She saw her party through before catching a woman’s shape take form where the Well had been. Kai jumped in after them.

\------------------------------------------

The elf came to a standstill at the foot of another set of stairs, indicating upwards, then turned and shuffled away. 

“I presume our destination lies up there,” Cullen remarked.

“Seemingly so,” Leliana replied, glancing up.

A loud angry growl echoed down the stairs.

“Is that...?” Leliana began.

“Corypheus!” Cullen finished, hurrying up the stairs, the others following on.

They came to the top, arriving in a chamber with door at one end. He nodded to Leliana, who stealthed and moved to the doorway. She unstealthed and motioned them to her. Coming out onto a terrace, they could see a platform at the far side end of the garden, and Corypheus flailing around frantically. 

“Get down!” Cullen hissed, and they all crouched, looking hesitantly over the railing.

“I can’t see the Inquisitor,” Leliana whispered. 

Cullen peered into the garden. Bodies of Red Templars were scattered around the lower level, including Samson’s. He suddenly heard a deafening shriek and the thrashing of huge leathery wings and ducked behind the balustrade out of sight as the dragon arrived for its master. They remained hidden until it took off and the sound of its flight faded away. Slowly checking the coast was clear, Cullen stood up scanning the area further. There was no sign of the Inquisitor or her team.

Nothing looked alive down there. Cautiously they made their way to the garden. Reaching Samson, Cullen could see him breathing, he was still alive. 

He saw Leliana run lightly up stone steps to the platform above. 

“Keep an eye on him,” Cullen ordered his men. “If he comes round...just...knock him out again.” 

He needed him alive. Samson could have crucial intelligence, information they could use in their struggle against Corypheus. This battle was over, but not the war and they required every edge they could muster on this creature. Cullen ran up the steps after Leliana, discovering her standing in front of a cracked Eluvian, shattered shards strewn before it.

“If they went through this, they could get back to Skyhold. We need to return as soon as possible, and I need to identify what transpired here,” she explained. “I think this is a task for my Baron,” she revealed.

“At least they made it out,” he responded, a relieved tone visible in his voice.

“You know, Cullen, at times it feels as if someone watches over her. Don’t you think?” Leliana eyed him quizzically.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” he replied arching an eyebrow.

“You know, for once I’m not sure,” she puzzled, frowning.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Kai was the last to jump through the Eluvian back into Skyhold. She had to reach the infirmary and speedily, but she didn’t wish to do this alone. They all saw the damage to her eye, but no one realised what was lurking inside.

“I need to have this eye examined, but I feel a little shaky. Cassandra, would you come with me?” she appealed.

“Of course, Inquisitor,” she acknowledged.

On their way there, Kai stopped off to collect Solas. This would probably hurt, and she required his magic. As she picked up her pace walking down the stairs into the courtyard, it was Solas who voiced the question.

“Inquisitor, I could have attended to you in the rotunda. Why are we heading for the infirmary?”

“Because I need the Surgeon, _and_ your healing and pain relieving magic,” she responded, the words coming between breaths.

She couldn’t see their faces, but could discern the puzzlement. Kai barged into the Infirmary, glancing around. It was unoccupied except for the Surgeon. 

“Please shut the door behind you, Solas,” she requested politely, hearing it click shut.

The Surgeon stood, bowing slightly, her gaze settling on Kai’s eye. “Inquisitor.”

“I’m sorry to be brusque, but unfortunately I don’t have time for pleasantries. There are red lyrium crystals inside my right eye and they require removal,” she instructed firmly.

The Surgeon’s mouth dropped open, her eyes large. Solas and Cassandra also stood there eyes wider.

“Can you remove them?” Kai requested.

The Surgeon’s reaction was tentative. “I...I can try, but...”

Kai sighed heavily. “Just say it, please.”

“It would be challenging...and I would need to...cut to examine...you could lose the sight in that eye,” she warned her anxiously.

Kai looked to Solas, who had recovered his customary composure. “Could you...?”

Solas shook his head. “No, Inquisitor. Such healing would be beyond even my skills. I’m sorry,” he reported regretfully.

She had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but if it was the only way to be positive all the crystals were removed, and if she would lose her sight anyway.

“Remove the eye,” Kai ordered.

“W...What?!” The Surgeon stuttered.

“ _Please do it,_ ” she responded, her manner smoother and reassuring. “The longer these things linger in there, the greater the chance they will begin to chat to me.”

The Surgeon nodded, seemingly calmer, and looked to Solas. “If we could confer on the procedure?” she asked.

“Of course,” he confirmed.

“Inquisitor, please lie on that cot over at the far end,” she suggested.

Kai nodded. As she settled onto the cot, Cassandra joined her, perching on a stool next to her.

“Wouldn’t you rather have Lyssa with you?” Cassandra asked.

“Lyssa would run screaming if I even hinted at it. You, my friend, are as tough as old boots. I wish _you_ to be here with me.” Kai reached out her hand, and Cassandra took it into hers, holding on. “This child may need keeping in line,” she joked, receiving a shake of the head and a slight smile.

Cassandra squeezed Kai’s hand. “Well, I’ve had plenty of practice with you, my friend,” she retorted.

Kai let out a chuckle. “That you have.”

As Solas and the Surgeon returned, Kai realised something. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know your given name,” she declared.

The woman smiled. “Elena, Your Worship,” she responded.

“Thank you, Elena,” she smiled, catching the acknowledgment.

“Solas will hold your eyelid open, and help to lessen the discomfort while I perform the procedure.” Elena paused. “Are you ready, Inquisitor?”

Kai spoke only one word. “Ready,” she accepted, drawing a deep breath and steeling herself.

As she lay there with Solas holding open her eye, his magic flowing into her face, and Elena preparing to begin, Kai could feel Cassandra’s thumb brushing her hand lightly and comfortingly.

 _That was precisely what Cullen would have done if he was here,_ she thought to herself.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai faces the consequences of her injury as they plan to return to the Arbor Wilds, to the Shrine of Mythal. Cullen returns to Skyhold with his fellow Advisors to discover the consequences of Kai's actions.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Some PTSD and reaction to/result of loss of eye***
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> 
> With much gratitude to Eravalefantasy for providing the emotional frame of mind for this chapter.
> 
> 'I Sing the Sun in Flight' is deeply moving, emotionally powerful, and beautifully written. Once you start, this story will not let go of you, but it is so worth reading. The author tags chapters where required.  
> .  
> .

**Skyhold**

Five days. Five days until she was allowed out of Skyhold. Five days to rest and heal further. Five days until they could head back to the Arbor Wilds. 

Kai didn’t mourn the loss of her eye. The choice was stark; live, or be consumed by the red lyrium. It was the repercussions she didn’t think about. How for the initial day after having her eye removed the nausea kept her confined to her room because she couldn’t stop heaving. The pain that would cleave a path through her skull when the potions wore off, breath caught in her throat and whimpering like a small child. How it caused her to cry, the salty tears making her eye socket sting and burn. Her eye was gone, but the tears still fell. Kai strove not to cry.

Then there was the clumsiness, having sight in only one eye wasn’t the same as closing it and pretending.

Her depth perception was lacking to put it mildly; the bruises and cuts where she knocked into objects or tumbled down stairs when neglecting to step cautiously, the hot tea that had scalded her because she didn’t grip the mug gradually. All indicators she had a ways to go before being entirely capable of walking or drinking or feeding herself until acclimatised to the different way she perceived the world around her. Bull had warned her, take the last few inches slowly until your mind works out where your hand or foot is moving to. Sometimes she reached out as she usually did and regretted it after.

But when the pain was mitigated and her concentration better, she risked leaving her room to stroll around Skyhold. It was quiet, eerily quiet with their army away, purely a skeleton force left behind to guard Skyhold. Word had circulated about her injury, so she had to show herself. She had to joke and smile and laugh, chat and listen. She had to be the same, show continuity and consistency. Katarina Alana Isabella Trevelyan had to show that she was still the Inquisitor.

Some people stared, some people tried so hard not to stare, to avoid even glancing at the bandage sitting on the vacant socket of what was previously her eye. Others asked, and she was gratified that ‘the issue’ could be dealt with and they could then discuss everyday matters. She missed Cullen, she missed Leliana, two people who would comfort her, cause her to laugh and bolster her. She missed Josephine, who would seek to be polite, and then give up as Kai teased her.

Lyssa was kind and more than once Kai was dragged out to visit them, but she knew Eri found the notion of Auntie Kai with one eye scary. Not Cassie though, she had requested to see what it looked like, horrifying Lyssa when she asked. The child’s confidence had flourished in the weeks Kai had been elsewhere. She had much to learn, but her control had vastly improved, Fiona delighted with her progress. Cassie had always been a bright and curious child, but sometimes overshadowed by her older and more extrovert sister. Now she had a focus and enthusiastically absorbed every scrap of instruction, reading avidly. During lessons, Fiona would tire before she did. It made Lyssa proud as it did Kai.

Her two nieces personalised what she sought to protect, to keep secure, they were the future she held dear. So tomorrow, on day five, she, her team and Morrigan would ride out to the Shrine of Mythal, no matter what. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

**The Road to Skyhold**

It was the fourth day of travelling back to Skyhold. Cullen, with Josephine and Leliana, had gone on ahead with a detachment of Inquisition veterans and a wagon carrying Samson. Cullen needed to go on ahead, leaving Rylen in charge of the army; it would take them much longer to return. They’d broken the Red Templars, but Corypheus was nevertheless out there, and until Cullen was back in Skyhold ensuring that it was fortified and ready in the event of attack, he couldn’t settle. 

Kai was there with solely a skeleton force and Captain Tamsin left in charge. Tamsin was an exceptional officer, but she had few resources and insufficient experience if the worst occurred. The Arbor Wilds was assumed to be the deciding battle against Corypheus, but yet again he eluded them. Cullen’s greatest fear was that Corypheus would attack Skyhold before he returned. So far, they’d made good time, but not as fast as they could have without the wagon. 

Cullen spotted a bird flying towards them, past him, and as he swung around, he noticed it alight onto Leliana’s shoulder. She glanced at him, and Cullen called a halt. Leliana had sent Baron Plucky to Skyhold requesting a report from Charter who she left behind, requiring someone she could depend on to assemble information while they were away. Apparently once he grasped a route, he could follow it, and as long as they maintained the same path, he would find his way to them.

Cullen waited as she removed the note and dismounted, settling the Baron back into his cage before she studied it. It was the manner in which she stayed her expression that indicated there might be a problem. When she signalled him and Josephine away from the main group, then he recognised something was definitely wrong.

Leliana passed the message to Cullen.

_==============_

_Sister Nightingale_

_The Inquisitor and her team made it back to Skyhold and will be shortly setting out, back to the Arbor Wilds. Based on information obtained from Morrigan, there is a way to defeat Corypheus. I can supply further details when you return._

_Also to report, the Inquisitor was injured during the battle with Samson and her right eye has been removed as a consequence. She is recovering and has been seen around Skyhold. I have spoken to her, and she appears to be in good spirits. Again, I can furnish more details on your arrival._

_Charter_

_==============_

He re-read the second paragraph several times, before the realisation hit like icy fingers down his spine. What must she be going through right now? _Maker he should be there, with her._

“Cullen, may I?” suggested Josephine, sounding anxious as he stood there, his hand clutching the note tightly.

Cullen brought his attention back. “Of course, sorry Ambassador,” he apologised.

He studied Leliana; the impassivity lessened now, her face betraying some apprehension. Then it was Josephine’s turn.

“Blessed Andraste!” she uttered softly, glancing up at both of them. “How can she be...how could anyone be..?” she gave an uneasy sigh.

Leliana spoke in a low tone. “Josie, the hint is in the words, ‘appears to be’, ‘has been seen around Skyhold’. She’s ensuring people see her, know there’s no change even with the injury. She’s offering them reassurance. We all know her, this is precisely what she would do, carry on regardless.”

Cullen spoke faintly, almost to himself. “It’ll catch up with her though,” he added.

All he could think about were the ordeals she’d already come through. How much more could she endure before it became too much? She was resilient, but everyone had a breaking point, even her. Leliana was right, she would show everyone left in Skyhold that nothing had changed, she was unchanged. 

He understood the distinction between realising something was wrong and forcing yourself to continue and driving yourself to continue because you assumed you were all right. Not being there, not seeing her... _not knowing which it was,_ it disturbed him. 

Kai’s comment after Adamant came back to him again. _‘All we can do is make the most of what we have now. Who knows what Fate will throw at us?’_

Quite honestly, he was sick to death of what was thrown at Kai. He would happily wring Fate’s damn neck if he ever got his hands on it.

\---------------------------------------------------------

**The Road to the Shrine of Mythal**

Kai threw some more wood on the fire, putting off going to sleep. She hoped if she was so exhausted the dreams wouldn’t come, and she wouldn’t wake up Cassandra...again. There were only so many excuses she could make as to what haunted her sleep. According to Cassandra she moaned and wrestled around as she slept, but luckily hadn’t screamed or set off the Anchor. That would be harder to explain, or more accurately to lie about.

Had it been a single thing that reoccurred, she may have been able to come to terms with it. But it wasn’t. It would be the assassination attempt, or memories of the Fade, or Haven, or back in the stable in Ostwick, or fighting with Cullen, or her mother’s death, or realising she was infected with red lyrium. Her mind was rehashing all the troublesome situations she experienced.

She wanted to forget, to set it behind her. Had Cole come with them, she would have been sorely tempted to request he make her forget. It was a solution, but not an answer. These issues couldn’t be buried, they had to be confronted, but presently she lacked the mental strength to do that. She needed time to heal physically and mentally, time she didn’t have. So for now they were set aside, but not silent, tormenting her dreams.

Kai glanced around the encampment, everyone bar her and Morrigan had retired for the night. Morrigan stayed well away from Kai unless she had to speak with her, and then it was as succinct as possible. With the others Kai took pains to act normally, but with Morrigan it was less easy. Kai knew it was wrong, Morrigan was simply Morrigan. To expect anything else only contributed to frustration on her part. It was the self-concern and conniving Kai found tough to tolerate, no thought of helping unless it favoured her.

Again Morrigan was reading a book on Elven lore in her little lean to, aside from the rest of the group, satisfied little gasps as she discovered some new piece of information. She squirreled knowledge like it was some precious winter storage, purely to be held and exploited by her. Whatever was awaiting them at this Shrine would add to Morrigan’s greedy little hoard. Kai sighed. But...they needed her and anything that could help defeat Coryphyshite as Sera called him.

Kai recalled Sera’s offer. Sera had promised her a tattoo if she defeated Corypheus, it would add to her eye patch so if Kai ever wished to be a pirate she had a head start. Kai had explained being a pirate might not sit easily with her Advisors, but she’d accept the tattoo. Question was, what would it be and where could it go?

A voice broke into her thoughts.

“Hey Boss,” Bull greeted her sitting down beside Kai, on her left. 

She smiled; it was invariably her left, his right, so they could look at each other. _Like a pair of bookends,_ Kai thought.

“Thought you’d gone to bed,” she responded, shifting slightly.

“Yeah, couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d make some cocoa. Want some?” he suggested, smiling.

“Is Corypheus a darkspawn magister?” she quipped. She loved cocoa, especially the way Bull made it.

Bull shook his head. “Yes please would have been fine,” he said peering at her.

“Yes please, Bull,” she acknowledged in a sing song voice, picking up the weary grunt.

Kai watched as he collected everything together and made them cocoa, with those peculiar, tasty, squishy sweets that melted into a gooey mess. As he passed her the mug, she recalled how he got both her and Cullen hooked on this combination. The sweets were practically impossible to get before, but now, they could source most anything. Suppliers and traders lined up to do business with the Inquisition. Quite different from their early days where obtaining sufficient food was a challenge.

“So, what’s keeping you up?” he inquired casually. 

However casual his tone, the question was a serious one. Kai was surprised he’d waited this long to talk to her. 

“Bad dreams,” she informed him honestly, blowing on her cocoa to cool it down.

“Anything else?” he asked, darting a glance out of the corner of his eye, and then taking a sip.

This was the part where she was expected to confess everything, but she couldn’t because he wasn’t conscious of all the background. She’d kept the assassination attempt secret, and what transpired in Ostwick eleven years ago didn’t even factor into what was happening now.

“If you’re asking about me losing the eye, I don’t regret that, no. It’s struggling not to be an infant afterwards that was harder...is harder,” she sighed. 

Movement and grasping items had improved; reacting to her surroundings had become more natural, less a need to constantly concentrate. The headaches had eased back too although she still had them. Reading was difficult, periodic breaks required not to strain her remaining eye. So many little things she’d taken for granted, now had to be reassessed. But she had to be thankful it wasn’t her arm. That could impede her fighting abilities. 

“You didn’t need to try to do it all alone, you could have asked for help,” he told her knowingly. 

“That’s all well and good, but I have to be prepared to do it myself. Otherwise what happens if there’s no one there? I’d sit on my arse whistling until aid appeared, or be dead before it did,” she countered, minor irritation bleeding in.

“Dead is hardly an issue...well unless you fell down the stairs and broke your neck, I suppose,” he responded, shrugging.

Kai rolled her eyes. “All right. Let’s just say where my person is concerned, self-reliance isn’t a bad thing.”

“Allowing others to help isn’t a bad thing either,” he noted, observing her now.

Kai sighed. “I’m hardly pushing anyone away, Bull.”

“No, you’re not,” he conceded.

She turned aside and Bull faced forward. _Only because you’re holding everyone at arm’s length, rather cleverly too,_ he thought.

With others he had the tricks to force people think or reconsider, but with the Boss, she knew all the tricks he used. His tactics wouldn’t work with her. It wouldn’t impede her mission, the work she had to do. She was still rational and sought help when required there. What he didn’t want to see was this warm, friendly woman who had committed so much of herself becoming inwardly insular, refusing to reach out and seek help when she needed it. 

But the mask was good, remarkably good. _Leliana had coached her well. Too well,_ he thought. It was the tiniest slips that gave her away and only if you recognised what to watch for.

Bull understood that the only person who could break through this self-imposed independence and obstinacy was Cullen, and they had a while before she saw him again. This behaviour would likely take root by then.

\----------------------------------------------------------

**Skyhold**

Cullen stood on the battlements looking out over the Frostback Mountains. After his return, he and Tamsin had organised Skyhold’s defences with the manpower they had. There had been a flurry of activity, soldiers and workmen all pulling together to consolidate and build on what they had in case of an attack before their forces returned. Now that was completed, all he could do was drill and maintain the soldiers and volunteers in readiness.

With his duties less, it was simpler to adhere to the schedule Kai laid out for him all those months ago. The twice daily delivery of meals restarted as he arrived. Everything designed to support him with his recovery. The dreams had all but passed, and his headaches less persistent. Unless he brooded about how Kai was, and what was taking place with her. Wondering what aid she had preyed on his mind. 

Leliana’s analysis had been correct. The information they gleaned from Charter confirmed Kai was carrying on as she ordinarily would, establishing a sense of continuity. What Charter added was more disturbing. Apart from the predicted treatment from Solas and the Surgeon, and requesting tailored potions from Elan, she sought no further help. 

Cullen received a nudge against his legs. Izzy was peering up at him, head cocked. He crouched down to fuss her, smiling as she rolled onto her back, wriggling as he patted her belly. Another person to offer him stability and certainty, not to mention comfort. Someone to be there for him. Kai’s care ran through so many aspects of his life, so even when she was away it endured.

“Commander,” a voice called, interrupting his reflections.

Cullen looked up, seeing one of Leliana’s messengers. “What is it?” he inquired.

“Sister Nightingale requests your presence in the War Room,” the young elf reported. 

“When?” Cullen inquired, looking back at Izzy.

“Now Ser,” he insisted.

“Now?” Cullen repeated, a mystified frown settling on his face as he looked up.

“Yes Ser. She stressed it was important,” the boy confirmed, studying Cullen expectantly. “She’s summoned the Ambassador as well.”

“Fine,” Cullen sighed. “Advise her I’ll be there shortly.”

The young boy acknowledged Cullen before leaving. Cullen stared at Izzy, now sitting watching him. She was so attuned to his every shift in mood. He brought his face closer to hers. 

“Walk later?” he suggested. 

A sloppy lick gave him his answer. Cullen smiled and stood up. Izzy ambled off, but he called her back.

Cullen waved his finger at her. “ _Don’t_ let Cook catch you in the kitchen again. One more time, and you’ll ruin any chance of blueberry pastries for me.” 

Izzy whined apologetically.

“You may well be sorry, but I’m the one that will have to explain to Kai,” he maintained. “Now you can go.”

He waited as she scampered off and then started for the Great Hall. Walking into Josephine’s office on the way he was surprised to observe her still at her desk. As she saw him, she got up.

“Cullen, it’s good you’re here. I was waiting for you,” she smiled.

“Waiting for me?” he wondered.

“Yes, I think she knows, and the Inquisitor isn’t here,” she declared, her fingers fiddling a little restlessly.

Cullen went from puzzled to perplexed. His hand moved to his neck. “I’m sorry Ambassador, but what are you talking about?”

Josephine stared at him and her hand shot up to cover her mouth. “Commander, I apologise. I just expected she, I mean the Inquisitor, had told you considering your...relationship.” She faced down, brows knitted. “But yes, I can see why she wouldn’t have. Perhaps it was best.”

Cullen shook his head despairingly. “Ambassador...?”

“No, please don’t ask. She was wise not to speak of it. We’d best go in.” Josephine stepped past him, heading for the passage to the War Room.

Cullen stared for a moment before walking after her. He was certainly no slouch, but the equivocal manner of communicating these three used sometimes baffled him. Josephine and the Inquisitor had presumably done _something_ and Josephine thought Leliana had found out. That much he interpreted. 

As Josephine pushed wide the massive door to the War Room, and he followed her in, Leliana stood by the table. She looked up as they stepped in, clutching a letter in her hand.

“Ah, there you both are,” she announced, her face emotionless.

Josephine went up to her, her composure in place. “So, Leliana, I infer from your message something has cropped up demanding a meeting.”

“It has. Our Inquisitor has been somewhat busy.” Leliana turned to Cullen, brandishing the letter. “Did you know about this?”

He exhaled wearily. Why did people assume he had knowledge of every scheme the Inquisitor was engaged in? “Did I know what?” 

“That the Inquisitor plotted a coup with her brother to overthrow her father?”

The surprised stare confirmed for Leliana that he didn’t know. 

“No, seemingly not,” Leliana mused.

Josephine inhaled sharply. “She did what?”

“There is a new Bann Trevelyan in place, a bloodless takeover of the title by her brother. Who, by the way, offers a full alliance with the Inquisition, after informing her she has been stripped of her title. Or, as it’s being presented, she has ‘agreed’ to surrender it. A condition of her father’s departure, he confirms, although she may retain the name.” Leliana glanced at the letter before turning back to the two of them. “All conditions requested for her sister agreed.”

“Maker’s breath!” Cullen exclaimed. “Wait. No expulsion?” he queried. 

Leliana shook her head. “No, likely that was a step too far considering her achievements. It would reflect poorly on them.” 

Cullen felt relief; to be estranged from your family was not pleasant whether it was done deliberately or not.

Josephine was thoughtful. “It’s not a disaster, Leliana. Her influence is such I believe we can easily weather this. Had it occurred earlier, the situation would have been altogether different.”

“Josie, I understand that, but she should have notified us,” she replied. Leliana gave a resigned sigh. “If she had waited, I could have prevented this, appealed to her father and brother, but it’s been publicly declared now...”

Cullen rubbed his forehead, perturbed. “Am I missing something here? How could you have stopped them?”

Leliana stared at Josephine. “Would you like to tell Cullen or should I?” she inquired, her tone gently insistent.

Josephine glanced down, her cheeks reddened somewhat, before facing Leliana again. “I wasn’t certain you knew.” 

“It took some extremely careful digging, trust me. A Spymaster outwitted by the Inquisitor and her Ambassador. That information should absolutely not be common knowledge,” she stated steadfastly. 

Leliana turned to Cullen. “Commander, you are looking at the next Divine,” she announced lifting up another letter. “My notification has now come through; the official declaration will be made shortly.”

This time Cullen’s eyebrows shot up in astonishment. “Maker’s breath!” he proclaimed again.

“Yes quite. I doubt the Maker had a hand in this, unless he was guiding the Inquisitor’s hand,” Leliana remarked. “It was her support that swayed the outcome.”

As Cullen stood there, his mind processing this revelation, Kai’s words came back to him. This was the outcome she was banking on, the crux for everything she wished to bring about. This served as her foundation for the other plans she wanted to bring to fruition, including his idea for the Templars, and whatever she had in mind for the mages. He was aware Leliana would be more sympathetic than Cassandra to not reinstating the Circles. 

He hadn’t guessed she was actively organising it, but he should have known better with Kai. She told him as much without actually voicing it. More vague talk, saying it without _saying it._ He had listened to the words rather than hearing the actual meaning behind them. It was the same when she spoke of her feelings about him back in Haven. The nuance was there, but he hadn’t caught it. How much more had he missed with Kai? 

Cullen wondered if Leliana did indeed wish this. “Are...congratulations in order?” he inquired hesitantly.

A slight smile broke on Leliana’s face. “Cullen, if someone had informed me months ago this would happen, I would have disputed their sanity. But now I see it as...” she chuckled easily, “...a second chance. Both for myself, and an opportunity to establish the Chantry as the force for good it should be. So, yes, they are in order.”

The meaning of her words wasn’t lost on either Josephine or him as they smiled. ‘Second chance’ was the Inquisitor’s mantra. 

Josephine nodded her head respectfully. “So, what should we call you now?”

Leliana arched an eyebrow. “Josie, I’m still Leliana,” she pointed out. “Although after my inauguration I will be publicly identified as Divine Victoria.” 

Another thought occurred to him. “Someone will need to inform Cassandra,” he suggested.

Leliana nodded. “Yes, I’ll speak with her when they come back. I have matters to discuss with her in addition to this news. But for now, our focus is defeating Corypheus...and making certain the Inquisitor has all she needs to achieve that. Whatever it takes,” she urged.

The three of them fell silent. None of them appreciated what she needed because none of them knew her present state of mind, or what it would be when she returned. _Whatever it takes,_ he thought. That could have come straight from _her_ mouth. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

**The Shrine of Mythal**

Kai stood there impatiently as Morrigan finished her summoning of Mythal, or what was left of the slain god. _What little surprise was she working to throw at them this time,_ Kai thought. Her trust of Morrigan was non-existent. She could see Cassandra, Bull, and Dorian waiting restlessly at the entrance where she had reluctantly sent them, and where Cassandra had equally reluctantly gone. With Cassandra it was being uneasy with old Elven magic rather than Morrigan personally.

As they stood by, a wisp of smoke formed, swelling larger until finally a woman stepped out, silvery hair formed into horns, garbed in mage battledress. A wry smile on her face, she strode confidently towards them. Kai’s hands held ready to seize her daggers if need be.

“Mother,” Kai heard Morrigan sneer. 

Mother!? Maker! This was Flemeth. She clearly didn’t look like the wizened old woman from Aedan’s diary. Old yes, but extremely vital. 

As Flemeth approached, Morrigan threw out a charge. “You are a deceiving witch!” she shrieked.

 _Well the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree then,_ Kai thought cynically. 

The strike was readily repelled, the magic flowing back into Morrigan. Listening to their exchange, Kai was still processing the ramifications of Flemeth carrying a fragment of Mythal, when she heard Flemeth address her.

“A Herald is it?” She eyed Kai keenly. 

“What would you know of me?” Kai demanded, fixing Flemeth with a stare.

“Such spirit,” she chuckled. “Your shadow falls further than indeed you realise,” she taunted.

Kai frowned. She was mindful of this woman’s word games and didn’t wish to extend her an opportunity. As they confronted each other, Flemeth inclined her head slightly, and an inquisitive expression crossed over her face.

“I may give history a nudge, even a shove occasionally, but you...you drag it along behind you. Ironic don’t you think?” she declared, her knowing gaze boring into Kai.

Kai was fully conscious of the irony of her position, and this discussion wasn’t helping them acquire assistance with defeating Corypheus. She was in no mood to dance to Flemeth’s tune.

“You called us here I take it?” she challenged, changing the topic.

Flemeth smiled. “Clever girl,” she responded dryly. Her gaze lingered momentarily on Kai before it shifted to Morrigan.

“The voices of the Well spoke the truth. I can aid you against Corypheus.” Flemeth lifted her palm and a stream of magic flowed from her into Morrigan. “Do you understand, child?” she asked lightly.

“Yes...yes, I think I do,” Morrigan replied, her voice quieter and slower now.

“No boon of Mythal is ever given without cost,” Kai remarked pointedly, parroting Abelas’ words. What was the price of Flemeth’s aid?

A wry smile greeted her stare. “My daughter did not view drinking from the Well as too high a price.”

Kai saw Morrigan’s head bob down, the knowledge of being bound into her mother’s service after all these years of escape weighing on her.

“You however...” Flemeth mused as she observed Kai. “...no one could ask as much as the price you would pay to save what you love.” 

With that she turned, intending to leave. Morrigan called desperately after her.

“Wait!”

Flemeth swung back. “A soul is not forced upon the unwilling Morrigan. You were never in danger from me.” 

A cloud of smoke shrouded her and Flemeth was gone. A long heavy sigh of regret came from Morrigan.

“All things considered, Inquisitor, I now wish you had drunk from the Well.” she lamented.

For the first time, Kai found herself feeling some pity for Morrigan. Her greed proved to be her undoing, but not knowing what this binding would lead to couldn’t be pleasant, even for someone as ruthless as Morrigan. 

An expression came to mind, _be careful what you wish for._ Kai was clear what she wished for, and the price she would pay to see that. Flemeth wasn’t wrong there.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai returns to Skyhold from the Shrine of Mythal. She and Cullen see each other for the first time since the loss of her eye.  
> .  
> .

“Show me...please,” Cullen repeated, his voice soft. “If we are to be married, we should have no secrets from each other, nothing withheld,” he added, lightly caressing her face, his fingers touching her eye patch.

Kai swallowed hard and reluctantly nodded her agreement. He removed the eye patch. There was little to see, only a closed eyelid. Without her eye to hold it up, it remained shut. This was the part she was dreading, he would lift it up and see, see what was no longer there, a cluster of pink flesh in its place. Cullen carefully drew up her eyelid. Anxious of his response, she glanced to one side with her remaining eye. 

She heard the shocked exclamation. “Sweet Maker!” He lowered her eyelid and stepped backward.

“Forgive me, I can’t. I’m sorry...” he baulked. Stunned, she peered at him. “I don’t think I can...we shouldn’t...” He could scarcely look at her. 

“Cullen...?” her voice cracked with panic, he couldn’t be suggesting...could he? She reached out for him, but he moved away from her.

“I think it’s for the best...better now than regret it after,” he confessed, his voice dripping with pity.

She felt the prick of tears, her mouth open in disbelief as he swung away and headed for the stairs. 

_He was leaving her?_

She sought to call out, but the sounds snagged in her throat, her lips forming the silent shapes. “Cullen, please don’t leave me. I love you.”

She heard his footsteps tread each stair downward, the sound diminishing with each step. She heard the door close behind him. He was gone. She slithered down the wall, huddled up on the floor, her arms wrapped around her calves, rocking as tears streamed down her face.

He left her. He said he would always love her, he would never leave her.

_He lied to her. He promised, but he lied to her, just like Aedan lied to her._

Anger now fused with the agony, the stifling weight bearing down on her chest. Reaching into her tunic, she tugged out the necklace tearing it off, the metal clasp scoring her neck. Blood trickled down her back.

She stared at it through watery eyes. A token of his love given to her in his worst of times. But he couldn’t bear to stay with her in her worst of times.

She dragged herself to her feet and stumbled out onto the balcony clutching the railing, her vision blurred by the tears still falling. This belonged with Aedan’s ring, but she faltered. It was her tie to him. Maker help her, she loved him, loved him so damn much. 

_But he lied to her._

Her rage swelled, driving aside the voice of uncertainty. She drew back her arm and flung the necklace outward. But in her fury she threw too hard and overbalanced, the force toppling her over the railing. 

Kai was falling...

 

Kai sat bolt upright shaking, her breath coming in gasps, her cheeks wet, her heart thumping, galloping in her chest. _It was a nightmare, it wasn’t real._ Wiping her face, she glanced over at Cassandra. The snores showed she was asleep. _Thank the Maker,_ Kai thought. This would not be as straightforward to explain. Quietly Kai shuffled from her bedroll, tugged on her boots, and sneaked out of the tent.

The chilly air on her face was invigorating, but not soothing. The ache in her chest remained, intense and ponderous, her eyes still dripping tears. She needed to put some distance between her and the camp and walked until she located a spot far enough away not to be heard. Kai sat down, folded up her knees and clung on, letting go of the emotions seething inside. She wept, with racking sobs and sharp intakes of breath, desperate to purge herself of the fear and anguish.

Kai knew Cullen wouldn’t leave her, he loved her and wasn’t a man to spurn her on the basis of how she looked. The fear was hers, she understood that. A fear he would pity her, recoil from her. It had been a niggling thought in the back of her mind, festering until it manifested in her dreams. 

She sobbed and sobbed until both she and the tears were drained. Exhausted, she slowly shuffled back to camp and slunk silently into her bedroll. The heavy pain was gone, but not the fear. Today they would be back in Skyhold, she would see him again. 

Kai pushed back the fear and lay there forcing herself to remain awake. Sleep meant dreams and pain.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

The horn sounded. The Inquisitor’s party was sighted. A tremor of excitement and apprehension went through him. Cullen dropped the report he was reading onto the desk, called for Izzy to follow him and hastily made his way down to the stables. This time he would greet her as she returned, just as he did after her mother died. To show he loved her and would invariably be there for her, to offer her the reassurance she gave him. His heart beat faster as he heard their horses approach. How would she feel? How would she be?

Izzy bumped him, and Cullen came to a standstill, not even conscious he was pacing as they waited. She scrutinised him, head cocked and panting.

“Yes, I know,” he exhaled, receiving a bark before she parked next to him. 

Kai and her team rode in, heading straight for the stables. She saw him and smiled, a warm, ‘you’re here’, smile. His gaze was instantly drawn to the black leather patch over her right eye. It was stark against her lightly tanned skin and her white blonde hair, practically shouting out. He pulled his attention back to her, seeing her glance down before she moved to dismount. 

Cullen walked up to her.

“Need a hand?” he proposed extending his hand to her. He expected the familiar reply, the joke that ran between them about having one to spare. 

“I’m fine,” came back the response with a hint of curtness, the smile weakened.

“Oh, all right.” A puzzled frown momentarily crossed his face as he stepped back to allow her space to get off.

The stable emptied as her companions left and Dennet and his stablehand walked out after them, leaving Cullen and Izzy with Kai. It was no surprise, everyone knew about them. Cullen welcomed the relative privacy; outside of their own quarters they had scant chance to be alone.

As she rounded to face him, the warm smile was back. Izzy ran up to her, and Kai knelt down stroking Izzy’s head, and tickling her ears. Cullen watched as Kai spoke and Izzy barked her replies, especially attentive to Kai. She chuckled as Izzy licked her face. Normally he would have stepped in, but seeing the relaxed interaction between the two of them, he waited.

Eventually Kai stood up and came to him, her palm settling on his breastplate as he rested his hands onto her hips.

“Hello you,” she greeted him. 

Seeing her grimy face he couldn’t resist the remark. “You’re grubby,” he grinned at her. 

The smile became a laugh as her hand brushed his breastplate. “Am I too grubby for a kiss?” she challenged, her eyebrow lifted questioningly.

“Never,” he smirked, catching her gaze drop to his lips.

Normally they avoided kissing publicly, but right now all Cullen cared about was showing her how much he loved her, how nothing had changed. 

He leaned down, seeing her eye close and her lips part. As she felt his breath, her head slipped back a little, and he captured the sigh as he kissed her. This sigh sounded different, practically a breath of relief rather than expectation. He pulled her tighter into the kiss, one hand on the small of her back, the other supporting her head; she wrapped her arms around him, holding on tightly, more tightly than she normally did, as if she didn’t want to let go.

That was his first sign there was something else underneath the comfortable smile she gave him. Kai only clung on like that when she was hurting. As she drew away, her eye still shut, rubbing her lips together smiling, his left hand cupped her face, his thumb brushing her right cheek. He needed to show he wasn’t uncomfortable, he wanted to touch her to prove to her it didn’t matter she’d lost her eye.

Her left eye snapped open, and he saw the flick of fear as she flinched. Immediately the smile was back in place, and she drew smoothly away, her hand caressing his face as she did.

“Maybe we should continue this after I’ve had a bath,” she quipped, a flirtatious tone to her voice as she winked at him.

The kiss was intense, but not as passionate as they would have in private; it was needful, reconnecting after they’d been apart. Initially puzzled, it dawned on him she was nudging him away, _after_ he tried to touch her. 

Cullen realised she was hiding behind a mask... _with him._

For a moment he was bewildered, not knowing what to say or do. He wanted her to see nothing had changed for him but he didn’t wish to unnerve her again. In that moment, she grabbed hold of both of his hands as she playfully kissed him on the lips, and winked again.

“I shall see you later,” she grinned, before letting go and wandering away.

Cullen stood there, staring as she strolled off, his hand reaching for the back of his neck. He was endeavouring to grasp her reasons for...dismissing him. Did she actually imagine he thought less of her because of the loss of her eye? Or was she disturbed by it? Possible reasons formed in his mind. 

He heard someone step up and pause beside him. Cullen turned to see Bull there.

“Sorry Cullen didn’t mean to snoop...”

Cullen gave him a challenging stare.

“Yeah, well, maybe I did. I needed to know how she was with you. I expected maybe...” Bull sighed. 

He wasn’t accustomed to discussing his private life, but right now Cullen was thankful for Bull’s concern. “Bull, what’s been going on with her?” he inquired anxiously. “Maker, she was startled when I touched her face.”

“I saw. That’s a new one,” Bull told him. “Mostly she insists on doing everything herself, like getting off the horse for example. She won’t seek help and talks about the loss sufficiently enough to deter questions. Just now with you that’s the first time I’ve known her slip so noticeably.” He folded his arms, peering after Kai.

“Did you try to...?” Cullen knew Bull could make most anyone to reveal their thoughts to him.

“This is the Boss we’re talking about. Anything I attempted she’d spot straight away. Too damn smart and stubborn for her own good,” Bull grunted. “She’s shrewd enough with her position to recognise if she keeps that stable, she can veer away any personal stuff.” He shook his head despairingly. “You and I both appreciate what this is, and it will only become worse if we don’t do something about it.” 

Cullen knew of Bull’s breakdown back in Seheron, Kai spoke of it. Bull was right; both of them understood the repercussions of not addressing trauma. Bull eventually sought aid, Cullen just fumbled his way through best he could. It was Kai and her ideas that helped to place it behind him. 

Bull fixed Cullen with a resolute expression. “You’re the key. She struggles to maintain her defences with you. We need to use that to find an in,” he explained.

“An in!?” Cullen exclaimed. “This is Kai we’re talking about, not some...mark.”

“And if you want _her_ back, you need to be objective about this,” Bull argued, matching Cullen’s tone. He rested his hand on Cullen’s shoulder, speaking more kindly. “Don’t forget I knew her before she was the Boss. Kai was one of the funniest, smartest, most inquisitive people I’ve met. The woman had a light inside her.” He paused seemingly recalling a memory. “And she could be exasperating, damn persistent,” he laughed. “Remind me to tell you about the spiders.”

Cullen smiled. “Sounds familiar,” he concurred. 

Leliana had spoken of a light inside Kai too. They were both right. When Kai was at her finest, she shone. _Like a light in the darkness,_ he reflected. She made him feel more alive than he had in years.

“Anyway, that light has lessened since she became Inquisitor, but you do the most to bring it back. I for one don’t intend to have that light extinguished completely and I’m betting neither do you,” Bull demanded. 

“No, I don’t,” he frowned. 

Cullen wouldn’t let _her_ fall to the darkness of despair. Not if he could do something about it, not after she encouraged him to conquer it.

Kai had progressively grown more serious since Haven. She teased him about it being his fault, his seriousness rubbing off on her, and her humour influencing him. But it was more than that; the role of Inquisitor had taken its toll, alongside the difficulties she’d survived. 

He recalled how at the very beginning it took enough to make her focus sometimes, her carefree style and capacity to become distracted used to irritate him so... _Maker, that was it,_ he realised. 

Cullen stared at Bull. “Distractions,” he proclaimed. 

Bull chuckled and nodded casually. “She never could resist something shiny.”

Cullen glanced at Bull quizzically. Kai had claimed that earlier with him, the time he saw someone else, a much older, wiser person, rather than the childlike one he chiefly observed. Almost as if it wasn’t her.

“That’s what she used to call it when her attention was drawn elsewhere. Seeing something shiny,” he told Cullen.

The challenge was; _what would be effective enough?_ Cullen and Bull stood there in silence, brows knitted deep in thought and arms folded.

Footsteps walked towards them.

“What’s this? Silent and broody day?” Varric remarked. “Count me out, the competition looks too fierce for me.”

Bull stared down at him, head tilted. “Var-ric,” he intoned. “What can we do you for?” 

Varric tugged out a small pouch of coin from his pocket, gazing mournfully at it before scowling at Bull. “You have no idea how much this grieves me, Tiny. The time I’ve wasted with that damn mutt... when I can actually find her...”

Izzy growled at him warningly.

“Don’t you get shirty with me!” Varric remonstrated. “If I could depend on you controlling yourself, I wouldn’t be in this mess. One hand she’s still as a statue, next she rushes around as if someone’s fried her ass.” He glowered at Izzy. “No damn consistency,” he accused.

Izzy sat next to Cullen, snorting as she twisted her head aside. 

Bull grinned at Varric’s outburst, and Cullen rubbed his nose, hand over his mouth, concealing the smirk breaking out.

“Couldn’t get her to hide her tells then,” Bull taunted, with a chuckle.

“Oh she’ll do it, but only when she feels like it,” he grumbled. “Thirty sovereigns,” he declared, holding out his palm with the coin bag. “If I carry on with this, one of us will have a horrible ending.”

Bull reached for the bag, but his hand halted in mid air and he withdrew it. He flashed a look at Izzy before gesturing to Cullen. “I think I have a plan,” he advised, winking.

“Varric, if I halved the wager, would you try her out tonight, in the tavern?”

Varric eyed him sceptically. “You’re letting me off half the money? No, no, it can’t be that simple with you. What’s the catch?”

“No catch. Just a distraction,” he grinned, catching Cullen’s eye.

Bull’s grin spread to Cullen. Kai had been more than curious to see if this would work. Maybe, just maybe this could help break through. If it only gave him a shot, he’d accept that. Cullen knew more incentive was required for Izzy.

“Did you try treats with her?” he asked Varric.

“Yeah, those crunch things. No damn difference,” he grunted.

“The ordinary ones?” Cullen inquired, supposing it was probably those. 

“Pardon me, but I’m not exactly an authority on the qualities of smelly dog treats,” he derided, with a flap of his hand.

“She prefers the double baked ones with cheese,” Cullen informed him. “If you give her some of those, I’m sure she’ll be more...accommodating?” He looked at Izzy, and she barked enthusiastically. “You see.”

Varric narrowed his eyes as his gaze travelled from Cullen to Bull to Izzy and back to Cullen. “Now you tell me? I’m guessing this was a stitch up.”

“Varric, trust me...” Varric’s cynical laugh drowned out Bull’s words.

“The Inquisitor was curious to see it,” Cullen proposed. He bargained on Varric’s affection for her. If he could be coaxed to do for someone, it would be her.

He saw Varric ponder this. “Andraste’s arse, all right. I’ll do it for Dopey,” he eventually relented. “But I want some of that double baked whatsit.” He shook his head and exhaled irritatedly, pointing at Izzy. “And her.” 

“Done,” Cullen confirmed. “I’ll pick some up and bring them and Izzy to you. But...I may need to borrow her for a few minutes, no more I promise.”

“Fine,” Varric muttered as he trudged away toward the Great Hall.

As Cullen bent to down to Izzy, he heard Bull. “Can you get this to work?” he wondered.

Cullen whispered into Izzy’s ear and received the enthusiastic barks. As he rose, he smiled at Bull. “Oh, it’ll work now. But haven’t you lost fifteen sovereigns?”

“I could have lost thirty,” Bull chortled. “Still, what’s money when we’re saving the Boss.”

Cullen nodded in agreement. If this worked, _he’d_ be more than happy to cover Bull’s wager for him.

\------------------------------------------

Kai trudged up the stairs to her room, berating herself. Cullen’s disturbed and sad expression was still on her mind. His hand on her face triggered images from her dream and she reacted instinctively in fear. He was seeking to be kind, and she acted like a moron. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she muttered under her breath, anger bubbling up as she reached the landing.

Kai growled loudly and unsheathed a throwing knife, hurling it hard into the floor. She yanked out another, only to hear...

“Josie will have a fit when she sees that. That carpet was brand new for the peace talks,” Leliana tutted.

Startled, Kai dropped the knife and barely leapt out of the way before it tumbled onto her foot. “Fuck!” she hissed. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Leliana’s eyes grew wide. “You would have heard me if you hadn’t been making more noise than a herd of druffalo,” she scolded, rising and striding over to Kai. “I intended to discuss these with you...” she waved letters at Kai, “...but you doubtless have more knives on your person, and I’m somewhat concerned where they’ll end up, the mood you’re in.”

Kai dropped her head, pressing her palm against her forehead. Another headache was brewing. “Leliana, I’m sorry, I’m....” Kai took a deep breath, attempting to steady herself as she peered up, “...perhaps a little tired and irritable.”

_Maker, she was doing an outstanding job of upsetting people today._

Leliana studied her closely, eyes searching her face. Kai waited for the reprimand, but none came. Instead, Leliana smiled and hugged her. “I know what you’ve been up to, but we can discuss it in more detail later. Suffice to say I’m aware your influence made me Divine. And I understand why you kept it secret.”

“Ah, you...found out,” Kai conceded. She would have been more astonished if Leliana hadn’t unearthed it. “To be honest, I was asked for my views, shall we say? If the Mothers believed we’d arranged it between us, you would never have been elected. The deception was necessary.”

“I instructed you well, didn’t I?” Leliana brushed stray hair off Kai’s face, her expression soft as she grazed her forehead. “But...there are occasions, my friend, when pretending isn’t good for you.”

Kai sought to object, her mouth opening, but saw Leliana shake her head. 

“Not with me, Kai,” she hinted.

“It’s...difficult,” Kai admitted plaintively. “I...”

The sorrow welled up, and silent tears rolled down her cheeks. Leliana folded her arms protectively around Kai, stroking her head reassuringly as they remained there. 

“I know, I know," Leliana soothed. “One more hurdle, and you can have time. Hold it together until Corypheus is dealt with, and I will be here to support you as long as I can afterward. We’re all here for you, there’s no need to struggle on your own.” She lifted Kai’s head. “You have many friends, people who would go that extra mile for you. _Let them do that._ ”

Wiping away the tears, Leliana watched Kai as she spoke. “Listen,” she directed, “a victory against Corypheus is no victory if you are not alive to embrace it. I’ve long been aware what you would do. Your soul would not be consumed as Aedan’s was, but I would sooner spend more years with my friend than wait to meet her again at the Maker’s side. Besides, I’ll need your support when I become Divine. The two of us share a similar vision for the future and together we have a greater chance of making that a reality.” 

Kai was prepared to sacrifice herself if it was called for to save Thedas. What was one small life? But Leliana was correct, securing the future was equally fundamental. The reason she backed Leliana was that similar perspective and wanting Cassandra to rebuild the Seekers. With the Templar Order effectively broken, she sensed there would be a need for the Seekers, but an Order based on Cassandra’s vision, not the arrogant, sceptical and corrupt body it had grown into. With Cassandra’s motivation, its focus would be protection rather than power.

Kai nodded in acknowledgement, a weak smile breaking through. “You’re so sensible,” she croaked, sniffling.

“You’re too serious,” Leliana teased, “and don’t blame Cullen. This is all on you. You need to rediscover your sense of fun.”

“Easier said than done,” Kai bemoaned. 

“Well, I happen to know...” Leliana began with an impish grin on her face. She paused and reflected for a moment. “No, I won’t tell you. You’ll find out soon enough.”

A bewildered frown sat on Kai’s face. “Leliana?” she questioned.

Leliana laughed gleefully. “But I will show you this,” she indicated, handing Kai a letter. “It’s from Wilhelm. Another of your schemes has borne fruit. Your title is gone, but you’ve not been excluded.”

Kai’s smile widened. She was ready to accept expulsion and disinheritance, but this was the best of both worlds. She hurriedly skimmed the letter. Lyssa was free too, all conditions granted. Wilhelm was a man of his word offering a full alliance with the Inquisition. The whole of House Trevelyan was behind the Inquisitor, more than she had with her father’s pledge of support.

Leliana continued as Kai looked back at her. “I considered your secrecy rash until I thought on it further. You were prepared to take the loss to achieve something for the Inquisition and for Lyssa. And you’re free to marry Cullen now. No more obligations.”

Kai exhaled heavily, loath to voice it. She had to though if only to say it aloud and maybe then she could rid herself of the thought. “If he wants me,” she offered cautiously, tilting the right side of her face towards Leliana.

Leliana rolled her eyes. “Pfft. I won’t even deign to acknowledge that. You were correct, so stupid,” she derided.

“Ugh...you...heard that,” Kai replied, embarrassed now.

“I hear _everything,_ ” Leliana pronounced, arching an eyebrow.

Kai snickered. “Not everything.”

Leliana narrowed her eyes then cocked her head and grinned.”I’ll allow you your triumphs...this time. It’s my fault for teaching you.” She settled her palm on Kai’s right cheek, her tone quietly praising as she talked. “You know everything you need now, use it well.” 

Kai laid her hand on Leliana’s. “I owe it all to you.”

Leliana took Kai’s hand, clutching it. “Whatever debt you thought you owed no longer exists. What you’ve done for me is beyond price. Let’s start our future as friends on equal ground.”

“All right,” Kai nodded. “To friends, _and allies,_ ” she suggested.

“Friends and allies,” Leliana agreed. “But as your friend and Advisor, may I recommend a bath. You’re filthy,” she chuckled.

“Ugh, fine,” Kai snorted. 

Leliana squeezed Kai’s hand, released it and headed to the stairs. Whatever Kai felt, whatever her doubts, she nevertheless had a job to fulfil, a task yet to complete.

She called after Leliana. “We got what we were looking for by the way. I’ll prepare a report and we can consider it at a War Council meeting tomorrow.”

Leliana turned and acknowledged Kai’s instruction. “Of course, Inquisitor,” she accepted, and left, smoothly stepping down the stairs.

Kai sat at her desk, ignoring the paperwork accumulated there, staring out over the roofs of Skyhold. Opening her draw, she took a potion and drank it. She shut her eye, closing out the world, thinking, planning.

She would have her bath, and afterwards she had a visit to make. One dream gnawed at her, and she desired an answer, if that was feasible. It may not be, but she had put this to rest if she could. Why it kept cropping up now troubled her. What happened was years ago.

Then she would find Cullen. He deserved an explanation, and to understand bouncing back was harder this time. Her focus had to be concentrated on defeating Corypheus; once he was dealt with, and if she survived, they could arrange their future together.

The door creaked open, and barely audible footsteps walked up the stairs. She should have been suspicious, but she guessed their owner. _Of course he would come,_ she thought, there was an implicit pact. As he rounded into the room, he spoke.

“I’m here.”

“I wondered if you might...”

“I always hear you.” Cole responded, his ice-blue eyes gently soothing.

“You know what memories I need to recover,” she disclosed. “Can you help me?” 

Cole gave a lengthy exhale and acknowledged her. “Yes.”

“Thank you, Cole,” she accepted gratefully.

It was only later Kai would grasp the significance of that sigh.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole helps Kai recover the memories from the accident in Ostwick. Although reluctant to admit her fear to Cullen, she ends up telling him.  
> .  
> .

Kai took off her armour and sat on the edge of the bed, Cole beside her. “How does this work?” she inquired tentatively.

“It’s...harder than forgetting, it will hurt...a little,” he warned her.

_Thank the Maker she took a potion,_ Kai thought. She wondered if it would be like recovering her memories in the Fade.

“Sort of,” he answered. “It comes fast, but you mustn’t fight it. Fighting makes it harder. Let it flow, don’t think. Thinking makes it harder,” he explained patiently.

A resigned ‘huh’ slipped from her lips. “Is there anything that makes it easier?” she asked, half joking.

“No,” Cole replied, scrutinizing her.

Kai sighed heavily. She was conscious he didn’t need to see her face; he heard what ran through her mind. Looking at people provided a connection _they_ required. It made his humanity more, and them comfortable when he helped.

“They know a person is helping them.” He voiced her thoughts. “You showed me that.”

“I merely suggested you let them see you,” she asserted. “The rest you learnt yourself.”

“Always a path, a foundation for people to build on. A chance, a second chance, hope, redemption.” He leant forward, eyes bright. “You want to help.”

“I don’t always help. Not everyone wants help, or to try again,” she conceded, thinking of Erimond and Linnea. 

“They were arseholes,” Cole remarked blithely.

The snigger burst out, Kai’s hand reflexively covering her mouth. Cole could be unexpectedly funny, catching her unawares when he was.

“Shiny,” Cole smiled.

She laughed out loud. “Yes, Cole. That was shiny.” 

“Laughter rich with light, unfettered. Memories of peace, the centre awakened. You make him...him. He wants to help, make you...you again.”

“Cullen...” Kai murmured, catching the nod.

Cole inclined his head. “You _should_ tell him what you fear.”

“I know,” she sighed. “But he’d be upset I would even think that.” _Maker, he’d be mortified, she thought._

Cole’s voice broke in to her thoughts. “He worries for you...”

Not surprising, considering her reaction to him. The look on his face proved her diversion hadn’t worked. “I guessed,” she answered, “and I will try, but for now I need to recover the missing memories. One thing at time, Cole. Please?” She smiled expectantly at him.

“Right. Are you ready?” He held her hand.

Kai took a deep breath. “Ready,” she confirmed.

It was immediate. Waves of blurred images like waves crashed over her. But not just images, there were sounds, emotions, smells, tastes even. All her senses were inundated. The force of it punched the air out of her and she felt as if she couldn’t breathe as if she was drowning. Kai panicked and pushed back to slow the pace at which the images came at her.

“Don’t fight it,” Cole whispered inside her head.

Even his whisper was deafening. Then she sensed his presence, soothing her. The panic ebbed away. Fast crashing waves settled into smaller gently breaking ones, finally quiet rippling eddies, and then...they stopped. It was different to the Fade; that was exhausting too but over swiftly. Perhaps because those memories came in segments, this was all at once. Kai noticed Cole watching her worriedly.

“Now what?” she questioned, hearing her voice a little breathless.

“Now your mind brings it together. I’ll wait.” He stood and moved to the balcony, leaving her sitting alone on the bed.

Before long the images unfolded in her mind. She saw herself in the stable in Ostwick. 

Sensations of her praying, weeping in despair, crying out for an end to the torment. The intensity of her emotions caused her to gasp in shock. Even in the dream it never felt this powerful. She forgot how oppressive it was and how desperate she had become. Time had smoothed the rawness of her emotions.

Yet the woman unlatching the stall door exuded peace and acceptance, but it was wrong...it was worse. _Maker, she was so young and so foolish. She should have never read the damn poem, drowning yourself was not romantic._

A sense of urgency came over her. _Have to stop her, she mustn’t die. Have to help, have to reach her._

The impression of pushing though a slender film, feeling it expand and envelop her as she moved forward, a sudden pop as she burst through, and then it snapped back into place. It was reminiscent of...stepping through the Eluvian, but the resistance was stiffer. 

Suddenly the world was crammed with sounds and smells and emotions, vivid, **real.** The noise of the horse whinnying and stomping agitatedly and the sensation of her body taut with anxiety as she noticed a presence were tangible even against the background clamour. 

_She knows I’m here, frightened. Need to soothe her, reassure her, stop her._

A misty shape hovered over her shoulder, and she saw herself jump forward with a shriek, dread coursing through her body. She saw Starlight, confusion and terror causing him to react to the movement. He kicked out, his back legs catching her, and she flew, flew to the other side of the stable, hurtling into a stall door. The force of the impact stunned her, her eyes shut and head lolling.

Panic rolled over her. _Wrong, wrong, wrong. Alive, still alive. Injured, needs help, mustn’t die._

The misty shape hovered near her head. The thoughts were louder. 

_Forget.... call out for help._

Her head jerked up, eyes flickered open, her expression and thoughts disoriented. She couldn’t see properly, and she was in so much pain. She yelled for help.

_Someone is coming. Have to leave now, can’t be seen, can’t be changed._

The feeling of moving back through the film, and watching, waiting. A boy came and spotted her, racing off to bring help.

_Safe, will be safe now._

Regret and sorrow washed over her, and a feeling of responsibility. _Couldn’t console her, couldn’t take the suffering away. Have to stay, in case..._

These were _not_ her memories. She was seeing herself through Cole’s eyes, not Cole as he was now, but when he was a Spirit of Compassion. Kai looked over to where he was standing.

“It was you...” she uttered, catching him nod and face her.

“Yes,” came sheepishly. His head was bowed, a distraught expression on his face as he peered at her from under his hat. “I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to hurt you. I only wanted to help,” he told her sadly.

Kai took a deep breath to still the thoughts and emotions the memories had dragged back. There was her misery and her mistaken acceptance of death, and his regret at not being able to help her, all mingled together. She had to shove it aside; she had questions.

“How did you notice me? Out of all...?” she began.

“You were always bright, even before the Anchor, like...counting birds against the sun,” he described. “Some people just are, some people are...shiny?” 

That made Kai smile. “You realise where that came from.” Of course he would.

“The magpie,” he nodded, smiling a little. “ _Child, you are like that magpie, distracted by shiny things. Can never hold your attention, mind always elsewhere, pulled away from what you should be doing, where you should be going._ ”

“Ama...” She could hear her mother speaking the words as Cole said them, her finger wagging gently and the soft lilt of amusement in her tone as Kai hung onto her skirts giggling at the remonstration. She was watching the magpie in the garden trying to drag off the silver wind chime when she should have been getting ready for tea with the family. Everyone was waiting for her and Ama had arrived to find her sitting by the window. It was so easy to make Ama laugh, she recalled with a smile. 

Cole stepped forward, hand raised, the words rushing out then slowing. “She wanted to help, she thought she could persuade him...when the time came,” he stressed. “But...”

“...she died. I couldn’t imagine Ama would lie to me, but she was ever the optimist,” Kai sighed. 

Her mother was a wonderful woman and would have done her best to persuade her father. But that was years ago and many things had changed since then, yet Kai had mistakenly clung onto the notion she had a choice. 

Now she was becoming distracted...again. She needed to concentrate.

“Cole, I recognise why you didn’t wish to say anything yourself, but did you prompt the dream, maybe as a means of...?” she queried.

He shook his head, coming to perch next to her. “No, you shouldn’t have remembered. I don’t understand how you did, but...I know why you did,” he declared, scanning her face. 

_Why she did? Maker, why would she intentionally remind herself of one of the lowest points of her life?_ He expected her to recognise why, she had to figure it out. She sought to focus and recall when the dream first occurred. It was during the peace talks. The first, no, the second night...after the massage and Cullen had...

“Oh!” Cole exclaimed.

“Sorry Cole,” she coughed, suppressing _that_ memory. 

It mattered because of her reaction, but he didn’t need to see the details of Cullen’s ‘attentions’. It was following the assassination attempt, but the dream didn’t reoccur until after she surrendered her eye; both times when her life had been threatened. But her life had been in danger before, the Fade, Haven and many other occasions. There was something else, she was missing something here.

“Possibility became expectation,” he offered enigmatically.

She stared at him blankly, what on earth did that...oh...the realisation struck her. Kai nodded, staring ahead. 

“Expectation became duty,” she continued, pursuing the line of reasoning.

“Yes,” he agreed fervently.

Somewhere along her path, the possibility she may not survive became an expectation that she would die. Her commitment to Leliana to do whatever it took, and her oath to fight for everyone was a duty she had to fulfil. They had become the same, and she readily accepted the need to sacrifice herself to save everyone from the death and destruction that Corypheus would create if he prevailed. The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the one, her. She was prepared to surrender body and soul to stop him.

“The dream was a warning,” Cole stated bluntly. “You consider your death is the only way, but it isn’t. It may happen, _but it doesn’t have to._ ”

Kai hung her head in her hands. She would have rushed pell mell into battle with Corypheus and willingly offered her existence to defeat him. She would have gladly granted her soul to the Fade. Flemeth’s remark came back to her, “no one could ask as much as the price you would pay to save what you love.”

No one demanded her death, and it wasn’t an unavoidable cost of freedom from Corypheus. That belief, that perception, was hers alone. Her determination, her persistence which had served her well before, was now a shortcoming. Cullen and Leliana wanted her to survive and...

“I do too,” Cole assured her, resting his hand on her shoulder. 

Kai patted his hand and smiled.

“Have to undertake it alone. Then it won’t be harder when I...have to die,” he confessed for her.

“Yes,” she admitted softly, the smile fading. 

Only now was she aware of how she was preparing for death, accepting the inevitability. Regret at the loss of her eye didn’t cause her to withdraw, it was her incapacity, she wasn’t in control, wasn’t self reliant. _She was...an infant, and she couldn’t be._ She was the Inquisitor and had to be resilient, focused, able...and ready. Relying on others made her vulnerable, and could inhibit her resolve. 

Even her own mind sought to warn her, reawakening the last time she was ready to give up her life. But her belief was so entrenched she couldn’t see, didn’t understand.

Kai heaved a sigh and kneaded her forehead; this would be tough to unlearn, but she had to. Years of conditioning had led to this error in reasoning. Sacrifice and duty were drummed into Trevelyans from birth, societal and family obligations outstripped personal wishes. Her relative freedom before the Inquisition was only obtained because she could no longer produce offspring.

Realising Cole had fallen silent, she glanced at him. He looked pensive. “Cole?”

He wiped his nose absentmindedly, regret and sorrow in his voice as he spoke. “I wish it could have been different, that I could have helped. It was my fault you were hurt, my fault you lost...”

He shouldn’t regret what took place, shouldn’t feel sorry. Without Cole’s intervention, she would be dead. He shouldn’t carry this burden of guilt, he didn’t fail her, he saved her.

“Cole, you gave me a second chance. If you hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be alive.” She blinked in acknowledgement. “Your _gift_ opened up opportunities I would have never had, people I would never have met, things I would have never done.” What he’d done for her had transformed her life. 

“Gift,” Cole repeated eyes larger. 

“Yes, _gift,_ ” she responded smiling. “You didn’t fail, Cole. You gave me a new life.” Kai reached for his hand. “Leliana once said to me, _‘you can’t carry remorse forever lest it break or poison you’_. Now I’m telling you. It’s time for you to let it go.” 

“I...thank you,” he whispered, a grateful smile breaking slowly on his face.

She squeezed his hand gently. “It’s also a chance for me to thank you. Thank you, Cole.” 

Trying to straddle two worlds couldn’t be easy, fulfilling his purpose as a spirit of compassion whilst trying to deal with human emotions. _One less burden, one less obligation,_ she thought.

He worked so hard and was rarely acknowledged. His aid to the Inquisition was as fundamental as any of her other companions. There were many individuals in Skyhold with happier days because of Cole; all those small actions had a cumulative effect.

He stared at her. “You’ve never seen me as other,” he remarked. “Varric and Solas are my friends, but they see me in their own ways. You always accepted me, for me.”

“You are you,” Kai declared. “What you do means more than what you are.”

“I’m glad you let me stay, so many people to help,” Cole reflected. He glanced down before looking back up at her. “Let me give you one more thing?” he appealed. “Soothe the pain?”

“Yes, please,” she agreed, relieved. 

Kai was glad for the memories, but could happily do without the feelings from her past or his. The effort of it all had drained her. This time the sensation was soft and comforting, feelings of being wrapped in her favourite blanket with her favourite toy as a child popped into her mind. Kai felt herself floating away.

Cole caught her as her body gave way to slumber. _Fast asleep and so swiftly,_ he thought. He settled her onto the bed and covered her with a blanket, watching over her.

_Gift,_ he thought smiling. _She called it a gift. She forgave...no, she released...no, she allowed me to see I should let go._

Helping her was never a burden. But his failure of purpose with her had left a mark. When he found the real Cole and held his hand as he died the feeling he could have done more resurfaced and drove him to become Cole. Maybe he could help more if he was real. That encounter with her years ago had changed him too. They had followed separate paths, but at Therinfall when he learnt of the planned attack on Haven, he knew he had to warn her. It was another chance to save her and the people at Haven.

If he could have taken all her pain away he would have, but she needed to learn as he had. She now understood her life mattered, it shouldn’t be readily sacrificed. It was a beginning.

One thing still puzzled Cole. He didn’t understand how she remembered some of the details in her dream. It shouldn’t have been possible, he made her forget. But individuals like her were unusual, perhaps it was that. To spirits they were like bright lights moving amongst shadows. They constantly attracted attention from the other side of the Veil because they invariably signalled change. He didn’t know what they were, or why they were, but people like her always heralded change.

Cole smiled knowingly. _Her title was truer than she realised than any of them realised._

Cole heard the door creak open and sensed Cullen and Izzy. Moving silently onto the balcony, he faded into stealth, waiting and watching.

Izzy came up first, bearing the invitation in her mouth, Cullen following behind. Seeing Kai asleep, his hand grasped the back of his neck. 

“Damn,” Cullen groaned.

Izzy stared at her, then at Cullen, whining disappointedly. 

Cole sensed Cullen’s frustration and concern, but rest was essential for her physically and mentally right now. Cullen’s turn would come.

“No, we can’t wake her,” Cullen told Izzy gently. “If she’s that exhausted, let her rest. But we’ll make certain she comes tonight, all right?”

Izzy gave a grunt in response and sat, lifting her muzzle to present the invitation to Cullen. He took it from Izzy’s mouth, wiped off the drool and arranged it on the pillow next to Kai. Cullen knelt beside the bed and brushed stray hair from her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb. 

Cole smiled as he overheard the words, heavy with fondness.

“It’s _my_ turn to get _you_ off your arse.” Cullen whispered, shaking his head. “That’ll teach me to pick up impossible women off icy lakes.”

He rose and took one last look at Kai before heading back down the stairs, signalling to Izzy as he passed. She glanced over to the balcony and pricked her ears, sniffing, before following on. Everyone knew Izzy wandered around Skyhold, it was her domain. What nobody but she and he knew, was how often she visited him. He sensed Cullen still felt uncertain around him although he trusted his friendship with Kai. Everyone viewed him with their own biases; it was only Kai who had no prejudice.

Cole waited until they were gone before coming back inside. There was one last thing she had to do and then she could begin to heal, be herself again. Kai needed to let go of her fear with Cullen, needed to tell him to put it to rest. It would hurt, but if she didn’t it would fester and be much worse, for both of them. Cole sighed. He sensed her reluctance when he sought to encourage her, he could only hope she would.

It was time for him to leave too.

\-------------------------------------------------

It was half an hour before the game was expected to begin and there was still no sign of her. Cullen was elected to fetch her and anxiously walked up the stairs to Kai’s room. After their encounter in the stables, a knot of tension had established itself in his guts and stubbornly refused to leave him. For the second time he braced himself to see her, strengthening his resolve. Just make sure she comes, nothing more. She needed to be in a better frame of mind before they could talk.

Rounding into her room, he noticed her resting on the bed. _Was she still asleep?_ If she was, by the time he got her fully awake it would be less than half an hour. _Maker, he hoped she would agree to come._ He bargained on her reluctance to disappoint Izzy and her curiosity to witness the result. To decline would be out of character, and if she was determined to play her role, she would have to come along.

_She will agree,_ he told himself.

The invitation was on the pillow next to her. He groaned. Only one thing for it. Cullen got on the bed behind Kai and smacked her smartly on the bottom. There was a moan, a twitch, then nothing. _Strange, that should have worked, it always worked._ He smacked again, more firmly this time. The same response, only the moan was a little louder, and the twitch a little bigger. Then...nothing.

Short of tipping her out of bed or splashing water on her, there wasn’t a lot else he could do. He knew Cassandra used both approaches. He glanced at her. Time was ticking. 

“Oh, for Andraste’s sake!” he grumbled to himself. 

There was an involuntary snort, swiftly suppressed. He smirked as realisation dawned, and administered a third smack, heavier this time. Kai let out a sharp exclamation as he evidently surprised her. Cullen leant over, examining her face. She was feigning sleep, keeping her face immobile, but the slightly puckered lips gave her away.

“No more until you wake up,” he rumbled softly in her ear, his breath fanning over her skin.

His words were greeted by a sigh. “I am awake,” she giggled.

“Doesn’t look like it to me,” he scoffed, the smile clear in his voice. “Your eyes are still clo...” Mid sentence he realised... _Maker, no._

His heart plummeted, his eyes scrunched up in dismay at his stupidity. Cullen could have bitten his tongue as the words slipped from his lips. He didn’t think, but he should have. She was mischievous, playful, and he not only ruined her mood, but dumped her onto her arse after promising he would help her. 

“Kai, I didn’t mean to...forgive me.” His voice wavered as did the apology, his last words a plea.

Her only response was to turn her head away. A minute passed as he waited. Then two. Cullen reached out for her hesitantly, but she moved, perching on the edge of the bed, her back to him. He heard a heavy intake of breath, and watched her unclip the eye patch, taking it off. She straightened her shoulders and shifted to meet his gaze. 

He could see the closed eyelid masking what he recognised was underneath. It wasn’t a shock. He’d known enough battle injuries both as a Templar and in his time as Commander of the Inquisition. What else he saw was Kai trying to disguise her emotions and failing. The nervousness in her face contradicted the firmness as she spoke.

“What you said doesn’t upset me, you might forget and do it again, and _it doesn’t matter._ What counts is how you _feel_ about this,” she maintained, tilting the right side of her face toward him, jaw jutting out. 

Out the corner of his eye he detected her hands tremble slightly, but he couldn’t divert his gaze from her face. He realised if there was any equivocation on his part, she would withdraw altogether. 

She spoke again. “If you want to look at it, look at it. I’d rather you see it now than keep waiting, wondering, thinking that you might...” 

He reached out for her hand. “Kai, stop!” he protested.

She tugged away from him. “No! This is me now, and _you should see me as I am,_ ” her cry louder, frustration bleeding in.

He couldn’t stand to watch her like this; he couldn’t bear to hear what she was implying. She knew him better than this. To think she imagined he would reject her...it wounded him. Tension and hurt flared into anger.

“Do you actually believe this makes a difference to what I feel for you?” came out sharply, his irritation showing.

Her head jerked back in shock at his reaction. “I...”

“No, you listen to me,” he interrupted brusquely, seeing her mouth clamp shut. “I love you, I will stay with you, stand by you, no matter what. I don’t walk away when the situation becomes tough, and you know that. You knew who I was before we even came together.” 

This whole business was so like her, making assumptions, mistaken ones at times; trying to take on everything, determined to be strong. Too long he’d held back, seeking to persuade her rather than confront it head on.

His words now flowed, dragging out what he bottled up for so long. “You are far too eager to be a martyr, to sacrifice yourself, to compel yourself to be brave and heroic; a tragic, romantic figure standing alone in the face of an oncoming storm. For someone with no faith, you seem to be unreasonably anxious to follow Andraste’s example.” 

Cullen pressed forward, his face closer to hers.

“ _This...stops...now,_ ” he intoned roughly at her. Her mouth was agape as she blinked at him wide eyed. 

“You _will_ face Corypheus with all the support you possess. You _will_ defeat him. You _will survive_ and come back to me. You _will_ then give me an answer. _Do you understand?_ ” These were orders, his manner the same as he used with the troops, but his voice quieter. She appeared bewildered and nodded nervously in reply.

He shifted forward, holding her cheek gently in his palm. He wondered if she would pull away but she didn’t, remaining still and not even flinching. He carefully lifted her right eyelid, deliberately stared into her empty eye socket, and lowered her eyelid. Cullen then tenderly kissed her closed eye, letting his lips linger there before drawing back. Kai swallowed hard, glancing down.

“Tonight you will come to the tavern to watch Izzy. She wishes you to be there and you wouldn’t want to disappoint her, would you?”His voice was gentle, but showed he expected agreement. She shook her head.

“Good.” Cullen let go of Kai and moved off the bed. He twisted around to face her. She was gawking at him, perplexed, blinking. “You probably have a quarter of an hour to get ready. Might be an idea to make a start.”

Cullen watched as she scurried off the bed, heading to the chest of draws. He headed for the stairs.

He strode down the steps, and out of the door shutting it behind him. Cullen paused, closed his eyes, and puffed out a deep breath. The emotional effort left him drained.

“You learn well, Cullen,” Leliana declared, emerging beside him.

Cullen stepped back in surprise, rattling the door as he fell against it. “Maker’s breath! How long have you been there?” 

“Long enough,” she twinkled. “I’m pleased to discover my advice was not overlooked. That was some nudge.”

He wasn’t conscious he’d been acting on her suggestion, he’d simply reacted. He assumed at the time Leliana’s advice was another one of her ambiguous proclamations, it made little sense then. But he hadn’t forgotten what she told him, _‘You just have to nudge her occasionally, show her there is no alternative.’_

“It wasn’t in the forefront of my mind, events...took their own course,” he declared with a groan, his hand at the back of his neck. 

“Back of the mind is good, better if it resurfaces at the proper moment. And I would suggest this was unquestionably the proper moment.” She offered him a warm smile. “It is a comfort to know I can leave my dear friend in such capable hands.”

As she stepped casually to the stairs, Cullen followed on. This couldn’t strictly be described as a nudge, more an almighty shove. It wasn’t just Leliana’s advice he realised he was pursuing, it was her example too. He appreciated why she had been so stern with Kai; occasionally it was the only way to make her take notice.

All he could do was wait and see if it worked. 

“Cullen!” Leliana was calling him.

“Hmm? Sorry, I was thinking,” he apologised. 

She smiled. “There is one other thing you should know about Kai, something close to her heart, should you need it...”


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai joins her companions in the tavern to play Wicked Grace and see if Izzy can win Varric his wager with Bull. Events make her finally come to a decision.  
> .  
> .

Kai walked deliberately down the steps into the courtyard although late she had to be cautious. She’d already stumbled down the stairs out of her quarters hurrying to reach the tavern, and could feel the bruise forming on her hip. Falling down stone steps could be riskier than wooden ones. 

Washing and dressing took longer than a tad expected, precisely because of the rushing. In her haste she dropped her soap, and it went skittering across the floor, plucking up fluff from the carpet, forcing her to clean it before she could continue. The laces on one pair of leggings were ripped away as she wrenched them out of the draw, somehow they’d become trapped at the back of it. Cursing, she poked around for another pair, clothes flying onto the floor as she hunted. 

The bottom hook on her tunic snapped as she dressed, and it hung open, her belly slightly showing. No make-up, her hair scraped up into a ponytail after haphazardly tugging a brush through it, and on top of it all she had no clean underwear. Following Cassandra’s example, she went without. 

Kai was decidedly _not_ at her finest.

By that point she didn’t care if she turned up naked, she dare not be any later, dashing down the stairs. It was a recipe for disaster as she miscalculated the last steps and tumbled down ending up on her backside. She sat on the floor groaning, before drawing a deep breath and proceeding at a slower, safer pace.

It didn’t help that Cullen’s tough words preyed on her mind. She wanted to explain, to tell him properly. His nervousness forced her hand, and she finished up reacting instead, her fear bleeding in. He was furious with her, and she couldn’t blame him. But he stared at her eye and wasn’t repelled, he kissed it. _He kissed it._ That one action made her heart practically sing.

Kai stood at the door to the tavern, a smile on her face as she took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Everyone else seemed to be there already. It was Varric who spotted her first.

“There you are!” he grinned waving her over. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Sorry I’m late,” she apologised breathlessly, a little nervous. “I fell asleep,” she told them.

A chorus of knowing ‘ah’s greeted her. Everyone knew of her propensity to sleep heavily and how long it took for her to wake, even though it wasn’t the case in this instance. Likely Cullen wouldn’t have mentioned what actually transpired.

An unoccupied chair was left for her next to Josephine, facing Cullen. As she sat Kai glanced around, all her companions were here, bar Solas and Vivienne, even Blackwall who had kept a low profile since the disclosure of his true identity. Kai was somewhat surprised to see Cassandra in the same room as him, aware of her views about Blackwall. Someone had apparently been busy convincing both of them to be there. 

Izzy was perched on a chair between Cullen and Varric, panting away, with what looked suspiciously like a grin, a hand of cards between her and Varric. A mug of ale sat on the table in front of Kai and she snagged it, eagerly downing large gulps. The others had already been drinking judging by the jugs stashed behind them, and the hue of rosy cheeks around the table. A hand of cards was deposited before her. 

“We played a few hands while waiting,” Josephine whispered in an aside. “But from what I was informed, Izzy’s performance was postponed for your arrival.”

Kai smiled, and glanced over to Izzy, catching Cullen’s eye as she did. He gave her a calm smile, and she reciprocated before having another mouthful of ale. At least he wasn’t mad at her anymore. 

“Are we playing cards or what?” Bull demanded. 

Kai guessed for every mug the others had, Bull would have downed two. She could hold her drink, but wouldn’t go one for one against Bull, not again anyhow. Being discovered by Cullen face down on a tavern table twice was sufficient.

“Patience Tiny, patience,” Varric replied coolly, with a hint of rebuke. “You don’t disrupt an artist before their debut.”

Bull grunted impatiently in response. Varric ignored him and picked up the hand showing it to Izzy and mumbling into her ear. Two taps of her front paw on the chair was clearly a signal as Varric looked up.

“Her Mabariness is ready,” he affirmed.

Cullen groaned. “She has a name, Varric. Maker, enough with these...”

“Curly, please,” Varric interrupted, his hand raised, “else I might suspect you and Tiny are obstructing the proceedings. Could count as a forfeit.”

Cullen rolled his eyes, saying nothing further. As Kai peered around the table, all eyes were on Izzy. She had a sly peek at her cards as everyone’s attention was elsewhere. _Well, blow me down,_ she thought. Fortune was shining on her tonight.

Varric threw a silver onto the centre of the table, grinning before glancing around. More silvers joined the pot from the other participants as they followed suit. 

Kai threw in a silver. “And I’ll see that bet,” she announced throwing in a second.

“This again?” queried Josephine.

Kai laughed. “No, Josie...only for fun tonight.” 

“We’ve heard that one before,” Dorian remarked, throwing her a knowing stare. “Right before she fleeces us.”

Varric cleared his throat noisily, scowling at them. “A little less chatter, some of us need to concentrate.” 

“Sorry,” came contritely from the three of them.

Silence settled on the table, with only the noises of bets being made, ale being slurped, the occasional sigh to ease the tension, and the tapping of Izzy’s paw for each round of bets as Varric whispered to her. Everyone’s attention was focused on Izzy now, especially Bull’s, waiting to see if she barked, grunted or even twitched as bet after bet was made. But she was still, quiet, the only movements being panting as she invariably did and the tapping of her paw. Nobody withdrew or held and the pot grew fatter bit by bit.

 _Maker she will do it,_ Kai thought. The clever little pup who plonked herself next to Cullen claiming him back in Denerim would pull this off. Chief said she was sharp, but Kai thought not even he recognised how clever Izzy was. The only person who guessed was Cullen judging by the glances he darted at her, with only his eyes revealing the pride he felt. Most of the others weren’t looking, but she was. 

As she watched, Kai smiled. Cullen looked over, and seeing her face, smirked at her. She sighed inwardly. Maker, she loved his smirk, almost as much as she loved him.

“Inquisitor!” Josephine was calling her...loudly. 

“Hmm?” Kai asked absentmindedly.

“The Angel of Death has been drawn. Your cards?” she advised, showing her hand.

“Oh sorry, I was a little distracted,” Kai coughed, spreading her cards out before her.

There were gasps, and for a moment Kai was baffled, until she realised where everyone’s attention was concentrated, they were staring at Izzy’s cards. A cursory scan of the other hands revealed why, it was the winning one. Even stronger than hers, which she considered a good one. She mouthed a ‘wow’ in awe.

“Seriously?!” Bull exclaimed incredulously. “Seriously?!” he repeated louder.

Varric raised a fist to his mouth, clearing his throat pointedly and loudly. “I believe that concludes our wager, Tiny,” he announced smugly, reaching out his open hand, fingers waggling in a beckoning gesture. “Cough up.”

Bull grumbled and dragged out a coin pouch from his pocket, flinging it over to Varric who seized it. Had Kai held her attention on Bull a few seconds longer she would have detected the grin that passed over his face when he saw her smiling. She was busy watching Cullen beaming at Izzy and fussing her, his hands either side of her head tickling her. He looked so proud of his partner.

“That’s my girl,” he whispered, offering up some of her favourite treats. Izzy answered with a couple of cheerful little barks, and leant against Cullen, nudging him.

“Well, that’s the first time, and I hope the only time, I’m beaten by a dog at Wicked Grace,” Dorian sighed, shaking his head. 

“She’s a mabari,” Cole insisted. “And she’s very happy.”

“Bully for her, she can buy the next round then,” Dorian shot back jadedly.

Cullen looked up, still smiling. “I believe we can run to that.” He looked to Kai. “I may require some help, if you wouldn’t mind, Inquisitor?”

“I’d be delighted to, Commander,” she grinned at him and stood, following Cullen to the bar. 

Cullen slapped a sovereign down onto the bar and gestured to Cabot. “That should cover the rest of the evening. Just keep the jugs coming, and whatever you wish too,” he directed. 

Cabot stared at it, then picked it up. “You got yourself a waiter too, Commander,” he acknowledged, rolling the coin in his hand. “Unless you prefer to fetch the drinks yourselves?”

Cullen swung to face Kai. “Lady’s choice,” he offered, smirking.

Kai cocked her head, sporting a cheeky smile. “Perhaps the Commander and I could do with some exercise, from time to time.” Cullen’s eyebrows lifted slightly. 

She turned to Cabot. “But we’d appreciate fill-ups too. Thank you.”

Kai waited until Cabot had turned away, then glanced around and moved closer, kissing Cullen softly on the lips before stepping backward. Months ago he would have blushed, but now, nothing except another grin.

“Thank you,” she smiled back. 

“For what?” he inquired, head dipped.

“For inviting me tonight...and...for picking me up when I was _being_ an arse,” she told him, gazing into his eyes.

He chuckled. “Did you enjoy tonight then?”

She nodded. “I did.” She had a thought and had to ask. “It’s not over yet, is it?”

“I doubt it. I expect they fancy winning back some of that money.” He indicated over to the table. “Josephine’s dealing the cards again.” Cullen laughed. “But...those winnings belong to Izzy, so I suspect they may be disappointed,” he confessed. 

Kai bit her lip, smiling. Cabot came back with the jugs, placing four on the bar, before retiring to his stool. As they turned to pick them up, Cullen leant forward and murmured huskily in her ear.

“By the way, you have rather a cute arse yourself, Inquisitor. _Especially when you’re lying across my desk._ ” 

Kai choked on the involuntary giggle, coughing until she caught her breath. She felt her cheeks burning. 

“As I mentioned before, you don’t have a monopoly on being suggestive,” he whispered. “And you blush so prettily.”

Cullen grabbed two jugs of ale and headed back to the table, leaving her standing there wide eyed. 

In that moment, her remarks to Leliana in Haven came back to her. She had insisted Cullen wouldn’t know what to do with her, that he needed someone steady and sensible. Kai had been so wrong; he knew precisely what to do with her. At times she could be a child and an idiot, but she was no fool, she would never let this man get away from her. 

Whatever the future held, her future was with him. Until now, she’d not dared decide, chiefly because she expected she wouldn’t be around to give him an answer. But right there and then, she felt for the first time she would survive, she wanted to survive more than anything, she wanted to come back to him and she wanted...

“Boss, are you planning on standing there all day, or is there any chance we’ll get some more drinks here?” Bull shouted, beckoning her over.

Kai dragged her attention back. “Coming!” she yelled, seizing hold of the other two jugs and heading to the table, plonking them down. 

The ale was promptly passed around, all four jugs drained now. They played the next hand, the betting just as eager and the conversation resumed now Izzy had accomplished her piece. She was still sitting on the chair watching everyone playing, panting and grinning. 

Varric recounted a tale from his time with Hawke in Kirkwall about how they defeated Duke Prosper de Montfort, standing triumphantly at the finale as he repeated Hawke’s observation. 

“And then Hawke looks up and says ‘Looks like the Duke...has fallen from grace’.” Gales of laughter grew as he sat back down. 

Josephine stared at him. “That’s how Duke Prosper died? You know...that’s almost perfect for him,” she acknowledged.

Kai could hear Hawke’s voice as Varric spoke and visualised the smug grin as Hawke dropped another nugget of verbal gold. _Maker, what would he have said if he saw her now?_ They had regularly traded insults, each seeking to outstrip the other as the barbs escalated, dragging out the most archaic invectives while trying unsuccessfully not to laugh as neither could hold a straight face. There were times she missed being able to share the feelings of pressure with some who understood what it felt like. She needed to ask Varric if there had been any word of Hawke.

Kai became conscious of Cullen speaking and realised he was telling a story now, a story where she obviously missed the significant part. Trust her to become distracted when Cullen was actually sharing something of his past in public.

“...and the poor recruit ran into the dining hall in nothing but his knickers, and this...profound silence fell as seventy mages and thirty Templars all turned to stare at once. Then a slow round of applause began and spread until every soul was on their feet. A standing ovation.”

Josephine giggled. “What did he do?”

“Saluted. Turned on his heel and marched out like he was in full armour.” He was beaming as the laughter started again in response to his story.

Cassandra grinned. “He did not!” she exclaimed.

Bull glanced at Cullen. “That reminds me of a story about the Boss,” he smirked. “Back in the day, before most of you knew her. We were working on a job for her sister in Nevarra...”

“I don’t like this card,” Cole interjected balefully, as he showed the card he drew from the deck.

It was the Angel of Death. Everyone laid their cards onto the table. 

“Is it me again?” Josephine sighed, as they all realised she had won.

“Yes, manifestly it is,” Dorian commented suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. He looked at Kai. “You know she won all the hands before you showed up. What is about Antivans, I wonder? Rather lucky in cards.” Dorian turned to Cullen. “Bring your dog back into the game; she appears to be the only one who can beat her.”

Kai was glad of the diversion, she had a sinking feeling she knew what story Bull was about to repeat. It wasn’t the tale itself that bothered her; it was what took place after. _Surely he wouldn’t...not in front of Cullen?_ He was grinning at her, calmly waiting for the chatter to die down. She frowned at him and heard a chortle escape. 

Bull cleared his throat. “As I was saying,” he began loudly, compelling everyone to face him. “We were engaged to clear Lady Pentaghast’s winter home of spiders so Boss here could use it, and we all appreciate how much Boss hates spiders. Well, it took a while, but eventually we sorted it, cleared the place. Or thought we had. Not a huge house but this place was fancy, it had a bathroom...”

“Civilised people do you know,” Dorian declared wistfully. “Though after so long here I’ve forgotten what they look like. Maker, I’m turning into a barbarian...”

“Dorian,” Bull coughed noisily. “If I may?” 

Dorian waved his hand indifferently, implying agreement. Another hand of cards appeared before Kai as Josephine dealt again. She picked them up, her gaze wavering between the cards in her hand and Bull as he proceeded. 

“Boss decides to take a bath, and everything all prepared, off she goes. A few of us are relaxing in the kitchen and we hear this almighty screech from the bathroom, accompanied by loud cursing, ‘fucking spiders, why are there still fucking spiders!’ Off we shoot, and as Grim opens the door, there she is standing on a stool dressed in only shirt and smalls, dagger in hand, spiders scuttling across the floor. We’re expecting a scolding or complaint, or even embarrassment, but no.”

There were a few titters of recognition; it wouldn’t be the first time Kai was caught in just shirt and smalls. A tight smile was locked on Kai’s face as Bull spoke. She spotted Cullen looking at her, seemingly concerned and broadened her smile. It appeared to work as he grinned and then shifted his attention back to Bull. 

Bull was now in his stride. “‘Oh hello,’ Boss smiles, seeing us. ‘Perhaps a little help?’ she suggests, expecting rescue. Grim strides forward, bows and declares, ‘Allow me, my Lady,’ before scooping her up. Now that was more words than I’d heard Grim say in the time I’d known him, and we all stare at each other, gobsmacked. As he’s carrying her out we hear her say brightly. ‘If you could get rid of the little shits that would be awesome, thank you so much!’ 

Everyone was laughing now, and Bull let the laughter ride a while before continuing. “Krem scratches his head, stares at me, then the spiders running across the floor, and says ‘Sorry Chief, I don’t know where they came from. We were extra careful as Lady T insisted on scrutinizing every room after we finished.’ ‘Well, check again,’ I told him.” Bull paused and took a long swig from his mug. 

“Well?” Josephine asked impatiently. “Where _did_ they come from?”

Kai’s foot twitched under the table as she watched him intently. She contemplated spilling her ale as a diversion, but this far into the story it could look suspicious.

“No idea,” Bull shrugged his shoulders. “But once they were gone, no more showed up. Meant we had to stay a little longer. But the hospitality was first-rate, so everyone was happy.”

He flashed a look at Kai; she knew he was fully aware where they had come from. It was Lyssa’s idea. She fancied a few more days with Bull, and it would give Kai a chance with Grim. Some men just required a little extra incentive, Lyssa insisted, and what better than rescuing her from a horde of beasties. Kai was sceptical about the whole concept; she wasn’t the damsel in distress type and assumed it would never work. But it had. 

Her brow furrowed, and she sighed softly in relief at Bull not divulging all. He’d clearly been winding her up. Kai didn’t notice Cullen watching her reaction.

“Angel of Death, people. Cards down,” Varric called out.

Kai dropped her cards onto the table, her mind still elsewhere.

“And the dealer takes everything, I win again,” Josephine announced with a delighted grin, dragging another pot to her.

“Deal again. I’ve figured out your tells, Lady Ambassador," Cullen claimed confidently. 

Kai looked up to discover him peering keenly at Josephine, a dogged look on his face.

“Commander,” Josephine tutted with a reproving smile. “Everyone knows a lady has no tells.”

“Then let’s see if your good fortune lasts one more hand,” he declared, settling in to observe her.

Josephine dealt again and as the initial bets went down, Cullen took off his coat, dragging another chair behind him, placing his coat on it. 

“My bet,” he announced.

All eyes were on him, quizzical looks on everyone’s faces. 

“Curly, you can’t bet with your clothes!” Varric exclaimed incredulously.

“Where does it state that, Varric? My money’s gone, and I’m committed now,” he explained, jaw set challenging Varric to contradict his point.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Varric chuckled.

“Anyone else wish to raise an objection?” Cullen looked around to an uncertain shaking of heads.

Kai thought she had to say something; this was a shockingly awful idea. She opened her mouth to tell Cullen, but Bull dived in before she could utter a word.

“A man of his convictions,” Bull laughed, slamming his mug down. “You show them Cullen!”

“Thank you, Bull,” he nodded. “So, can we continue?”

Kai gaped at Bull as if to say how could you encourage him? He winked knowingly at her with a little nod to say don’t worry. _They’ve both lost their minds,_ she thought. Cullen would never stand down if he was in such a tenacious mood, and Kai guessed Josephine would be unlikely to give up. In fact Kai suspected Izzy’s winning hand had been ‘aided’ although she hadn’t seen the cards being dealt. 

_This would be_...she paused and reconsidered. Who was she to admonish someone else? She wasn’t averse to absurd notions. Kai sighed and let it go, concentrating on the ale in her mug instead. It turned out she wasn’t the only one as new jugs arrived and refills were completed.

There was surprisingly little conversation during this hand, more dazed fascination as piece after piece of armour and clothing came off. No-one could believe that Cullen wouldn’t fold, wouldn’t give in, that he insisted on carrying on. There was one moment of delight for Kai as he sat there in his breeches and no shirt. The soft candlelight and the glow of the fire caught his muscle definition beautifully and Kai sighed to herself as she unashamedly gawked at him, enthralled. 

_He...was...magnificent,_ she reflected.

The moment didn’t last as his breeches came off, and Cullen was left clad solely in his smalls, his cheeks tinged a light pink. Kai was embarrassed for him and hoped this was as far as he would take it. 

_Surely he’ll fold, give in, he wouldn’t....sweet baby nugs!_

Cullen, still seated, shuffled out of his smalls, and her hand shot up to try to stifle the shocked involuntary chuckle. He flashed a stern look at her, and she cleared her throat to force down on the uneasy laughter bubbling up. She closed her eye and opened it again to establish she wasn’t dreaming this. He was still there and still naked. Everyone was grinning, but it was Josephine who spoke. 

“Never bet against an Antivan, Commander,” she declared with a smug smile.

The tavern door creaked open, and everyone turned. Leliana walked in, stopping dead from the sight before her, and sighed shaking her head. Her eyes flickered over the table. 

“A little extreme don’t you think Josie? Force a man out of his armour just to make him wear a coat?” she tutted.

Gales of laughter ensued, but no-one was laughing _at him._ Josephine had long sought to encourage Cullen to ‘dress in a manner befitting a Commander’ which in her opinion meant a tailored coat. She also failed to disguise her scorn for ‘the creature that was draped over his shoulders’. 

Leliana coughed lightly. “Perhaps we could allow the Commander some dignity?” she urged, purposely glancing at everyone in turn.

As they all rose and turned away, Kai smiled hearing bare feet racing up the stairs of the tavern. She sensed Leliana walk up behind her. 

She whispered to Kai, an easy lilt to her voice. “Go to him, he’s presumably a little embarrassed by his bravado. And take back his armour and clothes before Josie makes his coat disappear.”

Kai swung around, still smiling as she acknowledged Leliana’s words.

“I’ll help,” Cole offered, standing beside her. 

The two of them gathered up Cullen’s clothes and armour and headed up the stairs of the tavern.

\----------------------------------------------------

Cullen was slipping on a pair of breeches when he heard the door open downstairs and the ring of metal being set down on the stone floor accompanied by muffled sounds. Then he heard Kai.

“Thank you, Cole,” she spoke affectionately.

Cullen couldn’t catch the reply, Cole’s voice was too quiet, but he heard Kai laugh in response, and the door close.

“Cullen?” she called out.

“Up here,” he shouted back.

He listened for her footsteps, but heard nothing until she clambered up the ladder. Cullen sat down on the bed smiling and waited for her. Of course she’d come and find him; he’d just made an arse of himself in public, but it was worth it to watch her expression. She was struggling not to laugh, and it was the most incredible thing he saw. He had to feign a stern look, it was expected. No doubt she would have something to say about his actions, yet he didn’t care. Tonight she temporarily forgot about all she’d been through and the glint in her eye was back. 

As Kai rounded into the room, Cullen suppressed the smile and peered up at her. She walked up to him standing with her arms folded, head inclined and face impassive, tapping a beat with her foot. 

“Commander Cullen Stanton Rutherford,” she pronounced, deliberately articulating each syllable. 

He groaned. “Go on, say it.” 

“What should I say to such a display? Hmm?” she challenged, arching an eyebrow. 

Cullen could detect the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, her lips pursing to disguise it. He rolled his shoulders, deliberately flexing his muscles and caught her flick a glance to his chest before she looked back at his face. Realisation came.

“You’re not sorry at all, are you?” she reasoned.

He smirked brazenly at her. “Nope,” he declared.

“Not even embarrassed?” she questioned.

“Maybe a little,” he acknowledged.

“I see,” she responded, puckering her lip. “Well, I think this would make a marvellous story when we go to visit Mia. Imagine what she’ll say when she discovers her brother exposed himself in front of the Divine to be? You know her better than me, what do you think she’ll say? Cullen?”

Cullen stared at her, his mouth hanging open. The thought hadn’t occurred to him, but she was right, he’d done precisely that. _Oh Sweet Maker, he’d never live it down._

“Cullen?” she repeated impatiently.

He closed his eyes and gave a frustrated grunt. “Perhaps I may have been a little...”

Kai’s laughter cut off his words. Cullen opened his eyes to find her bending down, her face pressed closer to his.

“So easily...” she drawled.

Cullen stretched out and caught her, hearing the ‘ooo’ as he dragged her onto the bed. Kai laughed as she bounced hitting the mattress, she continued to laugh when he sat astride her, pinning her down, his arms either side of her body as he leant over her, grinning.

“I suppose I did,” he conceded, his laughter now mingling with hers. 

“You most assuredly did.” She wiped the tears running down her face. “Now that’s a story for the ages.”

His laughter diminished as he stared at her. “But it was all worth it just to hear you laugh again. You have no idea how that makes me feel.”

She searched his eyes, her mirth fading, but her face tender. “Tell me?” she implored. 

“Happy, wanted, needed...alive. Who I am, not what I became,” he confessed. 

She sighed, lifting her hand and running the back of it over the side of his face. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“You know what you mean to me,” he insisted, holding her gaze.

“You made that very clear earlier,” she observed, glancing down before gazing at him again. “And I deserved to have it pointed out to me so forcefully.” She exhaled. “Cullen, I’m not always going to be ready to laugh and joke, there will be bad times, when I am an arse, indeed a pain in the arse...”

“You? Really?” he teased, feeling the slap on his chest as she tutted.

“I’m being serious,” she huffed.

“I know, and if we are having a serious conversation, I need to sit. Come on,” he gestured to her as he moved and rested against the headboard. 

Kai shifted, sitting between his legs, her head resting on his chest as she leaned against him. His fingers played with her hair. 

“Talk to me,” he encouraged her, his voice soft.

She was silent at first and he didn’t force her, guessing she was pondering what she needed to say, her fingers idly tracing a scar on his stomach. He felt her body swell as she drew a long deep breath, and then release it, sinking back onto him.

“Trevelyans are raised to consider duty and obligation before anything else. Our wishes, our wants always come second. That reasoning made me lose my way. I was ready to die,”

Cullen was about to interrupt her when he realised, she said _‘was’_ not _‘am’._

“ready to offer up my life to save everyone, because I presumed it was called for. Possibility became expectation.” She looked up at him. “And I made a promise to everyone to do what was right, to fight for everyone.”

“You didn’t promise to die for everyone, Kai,” he advised her.

“No I didn’t. But I stopped understanding there was a distinction. It took you and my friends to make me see what I was doing, how I was fixated on the notion I was in effect a sacrifice. Some part of me still feels that, but I’m sensible enough not to block it, burying things only causes them to fester inside of you.”

“Yes, that’s a feeling I know,” Cullen admitted, stroking her head.

“Do you still have the dreams?” she inquired. “We spend so much time apart, I don’t know...” Her brow furrowed in worried apology.

He shook his head. “Not anymore,” he told her.

“Good, I’m glad,” she nodded, smiling.

“What about you?” he asked.

The smile dimmed, a distressed expression replacing it. “All the time,” she confided. She swallowed hard, looking away. “But the one about you was the worst, it was the reason I was terrified of letting you see my eye. I recognise it wasn’t true, I realise you wouldn’t reject me, but I couldn’t shake off the fear, and I knew you’d be upset I would even imagine that.” She twisted to face him. “But I ended up hurting you rather than explain properly, didn’t I?”

“Yes, I won’t deny that.” He caressed her face. 

“I’m so sorry Cullen,” she apologised. “I do know you better than that.” She was echoing his words, earnestly hoping he would understand it was fear that prompted her. He did.

“I know,” he smiled. “But who told me ‘people often say or do the wrong thing when they’re scared’,” he suggested watching a smile burst out.

She chewed her lip as she remembered. “I believe you’re paraphrasing there, Cullen. I’m positive there was...”

“Must you be pedantic, woman?” he complained, arching an eyebrow mock sternly at her.

Her gaze widened as her head drew back. “Are you bossing me again?” she challenged, mirroring his action.

“And what if I am?” he shot back, grinning. “You were the one who mentioned you needed keeping in hand.”

She squinted at him. “Do you remember everything I say?”

“Enough,” he chuckled.

Kai huffed and tipped her head, regarding him sceptically. “Are you going to be like this when we’re married?”

Cullen froze, feeling his heart momentarily halt as he stared at her. _Had she just told him?_ “What did you say?” 

“You heard,” she smirked. “And don’t act shocked, Cullen Rutherford.” She prodded his chest with her finger.”Did you _actually_ imagine I would say no?”

 _She had,_ he realised. The woman bantering with him was his Kai again, his impossible Kai who had just agreed to be his wife. Watching her face light up as she teased him, he couldn’t resist teasing her back.

“You haven’t _actually_ said yes,” he pointed out, smirking.

“Now who’s being pedantic,” she scoffed, rolling her eye. “Besides, you never _actually_ asked me...”

“Kai...” 

“It’s rather like an unanswered reply to an unasked question, don’t you think?” she smiled cheekily.

 _Sometimes she could be so_... “Kai!” he repeated louder.

“Yes Cullen?” she snickered.

“For once, just shut up,” he ordered, seeing her mouth open in an O.

She sought to protest, but he silenced her with a kiss. This was the kiss they would have had on her return, the end of them missing each other. This time her body relaxed, this time she held on normally. When her hands reached for his head and her fingers threaded their way into his hair, he knew she was finally home with him. The smile formed of its own accord, and he sensed hers in response. It was a beginning, he recognised that she would likely have moments of doubt, but it was a good beginning.

As they drew away from each other, she looked pensive. As she spoke her words embodied his thoughts. 

“I will have bad days Cullen, and I will be a pain, and I will be a child,” she explained. 

“I know,” he concurred. “You will be irritating, but you will be enchanting too. I’ve learnt to live with both.”

That made her chuckle. “I only have one request,” she claimed, her face becoming earnest.

“Name it,” he answered.

“Don’t let my eye become something we evade, something that we tiptoe around. It’s part of me, not something other. Don’t be nervous of talking about it, joking about it...” she paused, “...touching it...even.” Her last words were quieter and tentative.

She watched him intently for his agreement. Cullen sensed words weren’t sufficient here. His hands moved to the strap of her eye patch. 

“May I?” he requested, seeing her nod and bite her lip anxiously.

Cullen took off her eye patch before leaning down and kissing her closed eye. He heard the relieved exhale. He kissed her forehead and whispered. “I promise, all right?”

“All right,” she murmured. “Thank you.”

“For you, always,” he responded affectionately.

 _Now was the perfect time,_ he realised. “I have something for you,” he declared.

“Oh?” the curiosity was apparent in her reply.

Curiosity was invariably such a perfect hook to drag her in. That and distractions. There were times he was thankful for her childlike aspects.

“I need to...” Cullen shifted Kai, so that she was sitting against him, but not leaning onto him. He folded his arms loosely around her.

“What are you...?” she queried.

“Ssshh,” he murmured, getting the puzzled sigh. But she said nothing else.

He rested the side of his face lightly against her head, so his mouth was close to her ear. She was fidgeting slightly, likely desperate to know what he was planning. He smiled and cleared his throat.

Cullen sang softly to her.

 

 _Shadows fall and hope has fled_  
_Steel your heart the dawn will come_  
_The night is long, and the path is dark_  
_Look to the sky for one day soon, the dawn will come._

 

He darted a look at her as he continued, she was beaming, that radiant smile she reserved solely for him, but then he noticed it fade in intensity as silent tears fell down her cheeks. Her hand fondling his told him it wasn’t sadness that moved her to tears. Leliana had informed him this song had great meaning for her, she loved it more than any other. 

 

_The shepard's lost and his home is far_  
_Keep to the stars, the dawn will come_  
_The night is long, and the path is dark_  
_Look to the sky for one day soon, the dawn will come._

_Bare your blade and raise it high_  
_Stand your ground, the dawn will come_  
_The night is long, and the path is dark_  
_Look to the sky for one day soon, the dawn will come._

 

As he finished, she turned to him, her smile broader, wet tracks running down her cheeks. He wiped away the tears rubbing his thumbs tenderly over her cheeks, smiling back at her. He could see it in her eyes, she shone again.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He blinked a slow acknowledgement in reply.

Kai settled back against him, her head leaning on Cullen’s chest and her hand in his. They remained there together quietly, not speaking. They didn’t need to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Dawn Will Come is taken from DA and belongs to Bioware


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The War Council meeting the following day is interrupted by Corypheus reopening the Breach. As Kai and her companions battle Corypheus, her Advisors wait for news. Leliana has a request for Cullen.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chess scene was inspired by a scene in Nothing like the Sun by Eravalefantasy and an alternative game of chess in DAI where Cullen plays chess with Leliana instead of Dorian.

**Skyhold**

Cullen stared at the heavy green glow in the sky surrounding the reopened Breach. The same colour as the Anchor which awakened as fiercely when they stood in the War Room. He saw her face as she struggled against the tremor; he recognised the expression as she glanced at him. _Just a little more time. Why couldn’t she have had just a little more time?_ He saw as she donned the determined mask of the Inquisitor. 

She knew, and they knew this was the decisive battle with Corypheus, and as the Inquisitor went off to round up all her companions, he and Leliana invoked their own plan. Scout Harding, Miller and a squad were sent on ahead to the Temple of Scared Ashes to ascertain what waited for the Inquisitor’s party. They had orders not to engage the enemy, merely to verify the strength of the forces and wait for her to arrive. 

Most of the Red Templars were gone or scattered. It was Venatori numbers that worried Cullen. The question was, would they be with Corypheus or would they be sent to attack Skyhold while their army had yet to return. Krem offered to take the Chargers out with some of Leliana’s scouts, to make it appear their forces were greater than they really were, and investigate the surrounding area at the same time. Cullen was thankful for the support. 

The Inquisitor’s party, comprising her inner circle and Morrigan, wandered one by one down to the stables and subsequently she arrived, smiling as she saw him by the gate, ostensibly discussing details with the gate guards but also waiting for her. 

Kai saw Cullen smile back her and strode over to him. 

“So, Inquisitor...this is it.” Kai could see he was still somewhat worried for her. Even though he smiled, Cullen couldn’t stop his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

Kai scratched her head, her nervous tick adding to his. “And I’d hoped to sit out the final battle, take a nap, or maybe go for a walk...” 

Cullen chuckled. “What is it they say, no rest for the wicked?” he joked.

She tilted her head with a coy look. “Commander, are you insinuating that I’m...”

“Inquisitor, I wasn’t aware I needed to insinuate,” he interrupted, smirking.

Kai grinned and peered down at her boots. They were bantering, but it was half hearted. She heard Cullen.

“Inquisitor.”

“Yes, Cullen?” She looked up.

“Good luck.”

The response was automatic. “I don’t need luck, I have...” Only she didn’t this time. Kai improvised. “...daggers.”

Cullen was staring at the base of her neck. Kai tracked the path of his stare with her hand. She nodded, catching his hand touch his pocket.

Cullen stepped closer to her, watching as she gazed at him. The man who loved her didn’t want to let her go, didn’t want her to have to face Corypheus, he wanted her safe with him. As her Commander he had to send her to face Corypheus if there was any chance of a future for them, and everyone in Thedas. Cullen wished he could say something distracting, something funny or witty to send away with her, but nothing came, he quietly gazed at her face committing all the little details to memory. 

In the Arbor Wilds they had forces to help, here they had essentially nothing in comparison, and Cullen didn’t like the odds. But he couldn’t waver again although he felt apprehension for her. Her hand on his breastplate bought him back. She smiled reassuringly.

“Remember your promise,” she winked.

He placed his hand on hers, holding it tightly. “I haven’t forgotten. I’ll think of something before you return.” 

“I look forward to it.” Kai leant towards him and whispered in his ear, her hand brushing his side. “I’ll try not to fall on my arse. Well, at least until I get back.” 

He smiled as she drew away, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go. Mounting her horse and swinging for the gate, she flashed one last smile before they rode out into the mountains. Cullen closed his eyes, took a long deep breath and focused his attention. He had a fort to secure and troops to command. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

**The Temple of Sacred Ashes**

As they arrived at the camp Kai’s hand went to her neck. She couldn’t touch the coin, but it was there, her link with Cullen. She smiled. In the War Room he’d offered her his coin as well, but she told him he might need it and anyway, she had to come back. She was under orders to do so and wasn’t she always obedient for him? 

“Maybe one of these days,” he sighed unconvinced yet smiling. Her joking proved enough to distract him.

However, it gave her an idea. She noticed how his hand would reach into his pocket on stressful occasions to touch the coin, a reflex action as if to offer him a little comfort, and bargained on that when she slipped the parchment in before she left.

Kai took a breath and focused her attention. _This was it,_ the decisive showdown with Corypheus. Cassandra had been right, his pride and ego wouldn’t let him slink away, his belief that he was destined to be a god wouldn’t allow him to give way to a mere mortal. Corypheus needed to prove he was chosen against the woman who was proclaimed to be the Maker’s Chosen. It was all nonsense, she appreciated that. Kai had nothing to prove, merely a darkspawn magister to rid the world of.

Dismounting at edge of the camp, Harding and Miller appeared to meet her, and Kai greeted them both.

“So, what’s the situation” she investigated as they strolled into the camp. 

“Corypheus is still here,” Harding reported. “Apart from his dragon, he’s on his own. Miller made a brief reconnaissance earlier, but we have approached no closer.”

Kai smiled. “Sister Nightingale’s orders?”

“She was very precise,” Miller nodded. “Said to wait until you arrived.”

Kai then noticed the squad Cullen had sent along and grinned in recognition. He’d sent soldiers _and Templars._ Of course he would, she should have realised, even though he could only send a few fighters he’d send the strongest he could.

“Thank you both,” she acknowledged. 

Kai gathered up her companions, and they joined the advance party. She scanned the diverse group of people before her, warriors, archers, assassins, Templars, mages; elves, dwarves, humans, Qunari. If the Inquisition stood for anything, it was people joining together for the same purpose, to save Thedas. To do what was right, to fight for everyone. It was a small group, but Kai felt honoured to be undertaking this task with all of them. She addressed everyone.

“Up there is an illustration of the worst that people can be and do. Let’s teach him what the best of the peoples of Thedas can do.” She paused and smiled. “We all appreciate what needs to be done and it would be impolite of us to keep Corypheus waiting any longer, don’t you think? Especially after he’s waited so patiently for us.”

Kai caught the grins. Humour was invariably a good way to lessen tension or defuse a situation. Here, however, she viewed it as a useful way to bond everyone together in this battle. They all recognised how important it was, what rested on their shoulders, she didn’t need to remind them. 

It was when they arrived at the Temple floor she realised their assessment might have been overly optimistic. The place was crawling with demons, which was bad enough, but in the heart of them was a huge Pride demon. Evidently Corypheus had been busy since Miller’s recce.

“Fasta Vas!” Dorian exclaimed. “That...is a big one.”

“More fucking demons,” Bull grumbled.

Kai scanned the area desperately seeking to locate the rift they were drawn in from but saw nothing. What she noticed was Corypheus on the other side, along with his dragon behind him, perched on the remnants of the walls. They had their own surprise for that thing, but first they had to reach him through the expanse of demons below, and promptly. If Corypheus was bringing in demons from the Fade, they had to stop him otherwise he would continue drawing in even more.

Her aim had been to use all the forces she had to battle Corypheus, but that was no longer practical. Kai would have to divide the group, leave the bulk of them here to deal with the demons and take a small team with her against him, along with Morrigan. Naturally she settled on her usual team, the people she always fought with but also recognised the balance was now skewed because Kai had to fight with daggers. 

She, Cassandra, Dorian and Bull would take on the Pride Demon as the others concentrated on the rest of the demon horde. Then, along with Morrigan, they would head for Corypheus, leaving behind the others to mop up the remaining demons. Kai outlined her plan to the group, seeing the nods of agreement. As everyone readied themselves for the assault Varric came up to her.

“I...have a favour to ask,” he requested.

Kai looked at him. “Fire away, Varric.”

He chuckled. “Quick, Dopey, quick, I’ll give you that. Point is you’ll need an archer on your team when you go up against Corypheus, what with him being able to fly, and I know you’re stuck with daggers because you can’t use your old bow.”

Of course he’d realise, she lost her dominant eye and trying to aim using her left eye and a right handed bow was problematic. Shots took too long, and she was liability with it, just as likely to hit one of her own as the enemy. With blades she was safer, for her side at least. Varric was right, but Kai guessed that wasn’t the sole reason.

“So?” she inquired.

“Take me with you,” he proposed. “I can help cover the three of you, back up Dorian.” He fidgeted with his glove. “It’s my fault we’re here, that Corypheus is here instead of locked away where he should be or dead. Let me help you finish him once and for all.”

Kai smiled and bowed her head. “It would be my honour, Varric.”

He squinted at her curiously. “Are you taking the...?”

“I’m not. You’re in Varric, you and Bianca.” Kai leant closer. “But don’t forget there’s a dragon too.” 

“Never one to do things by halves, are you, Dopey?” he observed wearily.

Kai shrugged her shoulders. “What was it you mentioned? The shit that happens to me is weird.”

Varric chuckled. “That it is, but thanks,” he acknowledged, stepping back.

Kai glanced around. “Is everyone ready?” she called out, hearing the replies of “Yes, Inquisitor.”

“Time for some payback,” she shouted smirking and dropped to the Temple floor. Then with a blade in one hand and a jar of bees in the other, she marched forward, the rest of her people following on.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

**Skyhold**

Cullen sat facing Leliana over the chess table. She found him standing on the battlements staring out over the mountains and convinced him to play. All the preparations he could make had been completed, and he couldn’t protest he was too busy. The Chargers returned having eliminated a group of Venatori, and after verifying the area around Skyhold was clear. Leliana had scouts in the pass ready to signal a warning, and he had soldiers on rotation keeping guard. The gates were sealed, and no one could enter unless they flew over the walls. That wasn’t likely if Corypheus was in the Temple, his dragon would remain close to him. 

There was nothing more anyone could do but sit and wait for news, Leliana had informed him.

Cullen glanced at the board, a bemused expression on his face, something wasn’t right. He scanned the board and peered up at Leliana with a suspicious frown. 

“That piece wasn’t there a moment ago,” he challenged, scrutinising her face.

“Such accusations, Commander,” she tutted, sighing.

He realised she was cheating, but it was done so blatantly he guessed her reasons. Obviously Leliana needed the distraction as much as him, but her approach was to test him, see what she could get away with. He had to watch the board more carefully than he had, see if he could catch her. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he laughed moving a piece. “I’ll win anyhow...again.” 

Her tone was dismissive as she made her move. “That was luck, you cannot rely on it.”

“I’m not,” he answered confidently. “I’ll win because I’m good at this.”

“Such confidence, Commander.” She smiled, shifting forward in her seat. “It doesn’t avail you with Kai though,” she taunted.

Cullen coughed. “She doesn’t...always win. And anyway, _she_ doesn’t cheat.” 

Leliana lifted an eyebrow. “That you know of.”

“Nice try,” he remarked, noting the impish expression on her face. 

She laughed easily. “Well done, Cullen. Kai wouldn’t cheat at chess; she’d consider it ‘bad form’. Use an advantage definitely, but cheat...never.”

He checked the board again in case she’d added another piece. As he made his move, he could sense her staring at him. “What is it now?” he exhaled.

“Do you have something to tell me, Cullen?” Her tone was quietly questioning.

“How did you...?” Cullen realised his mistake and groaned as she grinned triumphantly. The distraction with chess had lulled him into a false sense of security.

“I didn’t, it was a hunch. There was something different today between the two of you,” she disclosed. “So?”

“She...agreed to marry me,” he told her, a smile breaking out. Saying it out loud to someone else felt...good.

There was a satisfied sigh as she placed another piece on the side of the table. “I don’t require this now.”

Cullen shook his head still smiling, now accompanied by Leliana. “Do you concede then?”

Leliana glanced at the board. “You would have had me in three moves anyway,” she noted casually and looked at him. “I am happy for both of you, Cullen. Honestly, although I considered you’d be good together, even I didn’t imagine you would be so well matched.” 

“Neither did I, and I suspect neither did Kai.” If someone had informed him back when they first met he’d be marrying her, Cullen would have disputed their sanity let alone their judgement.

“So a wedding then?” she inquired, a gleam in her eye.

“There’s the matter of Corypheus first,” he maintained.

“Pfft, you know what she’s like.” Leliana flapped her hand dismissively. “If she’s committed herself to you, she’ll fight like fury against him and make certain she comes back, even if she has to crawl her way home.” 

Her remarks were chiefly bluster, yet based on truth, if Kai set her mind on something she wouldn’t stop until she accomplished her aim. It was her determination that had driven them on and her through all the obstacles both she and the Inquisition had encountered. It was likewise her determination that led her astray. 

Cullen recalled how she’d taken him aside in the War Room, waiting for everyone to leave. He’d been the one building her up, but in that moment he wavered, holding onto her and burying his face into her hair. And in that moment she was the one who distracted him, drew him back. Kai had obtained a promise from him, a promise to give her something shiny to come back to, surely defeating Corypheus was worth a reward she smiled. 

Cullen smiled. “I know she will.” 

He reached for the coin in his pocket as if touching it would be a link with her, to say I’m with you whatever you’re doing right now. He felt something else there and pulled out a small piece of parchment. The handwriting on it was Kai’s. He read it, puzzled; she must have slipped this into his pocket, but why did she give him this of all things? As he stared at it, realisation came. Cullen shook his head and smirked. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

**The Temple of Sacred Ashes**

Kai landed onto her arse with an ‘oof’, the pain in her side immediate.

“Inquisitor!” Cassandra shouted seeing her fly backwards from a swipe of the dragon’s back leg.

“Keep going, I’m fine!” Kai yelled back, catching the nod as Cassandra rejoined Bull hacking away at the archdemon.

Kai looked down, and could see the blood seeping through her armour. She wasn’t fine, but didn’t know how bad it was without checking, and right now there was no time to check. The talons had caught her, gouging through her armour, scoring into the skin below. She hurriedly dragged off her scarf and shoved it underneath to curb the flow, threw back a regeneration potion to allay the pain and provide healing, and then snagged her blades.

It had been working well until Morrigan fell, now lying injured and unconscious on edge of the platform. That left them with the dragon to tackle before they could focus on Corypheus again. Luckily Morrigan had damaged its wing before bringing it down with her, and it couldn’t fly. Even then their optimism held fast.

_“It’s just a dragon Boss. We’re good at killing dragons,” Bull declared confidently._

_“Had plenty of practice,” Cassandra added._

_Dorian chuckled. “Never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually glad we have now.”_

_“I haven’t,” Varric announced._

_Cassandra scoffed. “Just try not to get in the way and don’t chatter.”_

_“I have to talk else you’ll forget I’m here and tread on me,” Varric retorted._

_How easily Varric fitted in made Kai smile. He’d more than held his own against Corypheus so far and had been entirely right. When Corypheus flew only Varric and Dorian could get any purchase on him, the rest of them had to resort to chasing him down._

They had attacked the archdemon mercilessly, wearing it down, but it was tougher than the dragons they faced previously.

Kai stood, a little unsteady on her feet at first. She shook her head to dispel the remnants of dizziness. Feeling the effect of the draught kicking in she headed back into the fray, stealthing as she ran right underneath the body of the beast. Drastic steps were now called for, and she opened a focused Mark of the Rift against its underbelly. The resultant screech almost deafened them, but Kai held firm. The dragon appeared to sag.

“Boss, you better get out from under there, it’s coming down!” Bull yelled. 

Kai yanked her hand away and raced out, emerging as the dragon dropped onto its belly. 

“Dorian!” she screamed.

“I know!” he shouted, firing off blasts of ice, slowing down its head.

Kai jumped up, dashed along its spine and sank her daggers deep into its head, an exhale of breath leaving its mouth at the same moment as a shimmering red glow left its body, heading upwards to where Corypheus stood on the platform above. They had him, he couldn’t jump into anything around him now, and if they killed him, he would stay dead this time. She ran back down the spine and dropped onto the ground.

Varric was staring at her.

“What?” she queried. 

“You look like you’ve done that before,” he speculated.

“She has,” Cassandra remarked dryly.

Varric stared at Cassandra before shifting back to Kai. “Does Curly know?” 

“No, and he doesn’t need to,” Kai told him, fixing him with a deliberate stare as she wiped her blades.

Varric held up his hands defensively. “Hey, I wasn’t planning to tell him, trust me. I remember how pissed he was about the Dragonrider thing.”

Kai winked at him before facing them all. “Just one more...”

“Boss, you’re bleeding.” Bull pointed at her side.

Kai glanced down. _Fuck, it was coming through again._ Luckily the flow was steady and not gushing, but she was losing blood. They needed to deal with Corypheus before it caught up with her.

“I know,” she admitted resignedly. “The dragon caught me.” She glanced around as she dragged out the bloody scarf. “I need another...” 

Two scarves were presented before she even completed her sentence. “Thank you,” Kai smiled and grabbed them off Dorian and Varric stuffing them under her armour. She threw back another draught. 

Cassandra walked up to her, her voice calm as she spoke. “How bad?”

“Honestly, no idea. So we’d better get a move on hadn’t we?” she urged, getting the acknowledgement. “Passing out in the middle of a battle with Corypheus might put a cramp on the whole saving the world thing.”

As Kai walked forward heading up the stairs to Corypheus, she heard Varric and turned around.

“Seeker, are you sure this is the same woman you recovered from the Temple? She’s scarier than I recall.”

Cassandra snorted. “Of course she is, she’s the Inquisitor. Didn’t you know that’s part of the job description?”

Varric choked on his chuckle. “She wasn’t the only one replaced it seems. Andraste’s arse! You two are turning my reality upside down.” He pointed at Kai. “She’s supposed to be funny and is now scary, and you,” he shifted to Cassandra, “are supposed to be scary and are now funny.”

Dorian walked by and casually threw back. “Welcome to our world.”

Bull was chortling as he strolled up to Varric. “Hey Varric, didn’t you know one of these makes you an honorary badass?” He pointed to the eye patch.

Kai shrugged. “Corypheus?” she pointed up to where he was standing.

There was an almighty crack, and they stared skyward. The Breach was growing bigger. All five of them now scrambled up the stairs, the urgency apparent as they reached Corypheus. He was powering up the Breach using the Elven orb, blood red magic flowing out of it forcing the hole in the sky wider.

He snarled, seething rage in his voice. “Let the skies boil, let the world be rent asunder!” 

“Where’s your destined glory now, Corypheus?” Kai yelled goading him.

It was enough to stop him and force his attention on them. Corypheus threw out a blast of magic, knocking them over. “No! I will not allow you a victory, you wretch. You and all the heathen barbarians shall burn.” 

Kai got up onto her feet, twirling her blades as she taunted him once more. “You should never rely on Fate, Corypheus,” she shouted. “It fucked you over once before, remember?”

She signalled to her companions, and as the magic and arrows flew, Kai, Cassandra and Bull ran forward, weapons drawn in anger.

\------------------------------------------------------

**Skyhold**

Cullen was returning to his tower when he saw the messenger bird fly overhead, towards to the Rookery. _Could it be...?_ He swung back and headed for the Great Hall and through Solas’ rotunda, running up the stairs.

The Breach was sealed, so they knew she’d succeeded; a jagged scar stretching across the sky signalling where it had once been. The sense of relief in Skyhold was unmistakable, worried faces replaced by smiles of joy. What they were waiting for was news. It was almost worse, recognising the world was safe but were the people at the Temple safe? _Was she?_

Reaching the Rookery he saw Leliana, message in hand. She glanced up and seeing him, smiled. The tension in him melted away, and he grinned, striding over as she held out the note to him.

 

================================

_Sister Nightingale_

_All survived. Some injuries sustained needing treatment before departure._

_Will shortly head back to Skyhold._

_Harding_

At the bottom was a poorly scribbled note in Kai’s hand.

_C. I have a new one. K._

====================================

 

Cullen understood what she meant; he assumed she’d been joking about a competition, but with her tendency to collect them he’d wondered. She was obviously one of the injured. He heard Leliana. 

“A new one?” she questioned, eyebrow lifted.

“A scar,” he informed her, frowning as he passed the message back. “It appears she’s warning me in advance this time, so it must be substantial.”

Leliana rolled her eyes. “She made it Cullen, that’s all that matters.” She called over a messenger. “Inform the Ambassador that all is well and they’re on their way back.” The young man nodded and left. “Josie’s been quietly organising a celebration, but wanted confirmation before going the whole hog. It might be seen as a little premature if there were...losses.”

Cullen nodded. “Understandable.” However much they believed in Kai, realistically there was a possibility some of them might not survive. But they had.

Leliana gestured to the door leading to the balcony. “Do you have a few minutes, Cullen?”

“Of course,” he confirmed, wondering what she had in mind. 

Leliana followed him out, closing the door discreetly behind her. She leant on the wall looking over Skyhold, thoughtful. Cullen joined her, waiting for her to speak. He’d never been up here before and was surprised how much you could see, including his tower straight ahead. He was glad his loft windows were opaque enough not to see in. 

“We have to look ahead now,” she began. “I’ll be staying for while to hand over to Charter, but when I go Cassandra will come with me. She has agreed to retake her position as Right Hand, with the condition I allow her to rebuild the Seekers. Kai may not know yet.” She glanced at Cullen, “Cassandra is both her friend and a mentor and it will be another loss for her. Add to that, her companions will leave, not all immediately, but they have their own lives to return to. Kai will require your support even more in the days to come.”

“She always has that,” Cullen assured her. “But I will likewise continue to offer her my opinion and tell her if I consider she is wrong.” Although she would be his wife, she was still Inquisitor; he was her Commander and had to advise her as such.

“And so you should, she would expect no less.” Leliana turned to face him. “I don’t know how much of her plan you know of.” It was as much a statement as a question.

“Some of it, but I recognise a lot depended on you becoming Divine,” he explained, seeing her nod.

“Yes, we have similar ideas, _controversial ideas_ some may claim. But securing the future isn’t about being popular, it’s about establishing peace, fairness, and that we try not to repeat the mistakes of the past.” She sighed. “Change can be frightening to some, and there will be elements that will fight against it. Perhaps even seek to eliminate those pursuing it.”

“You need not remind me,” Cullen scowled. The attempt on her life had been a stark reminder of the danger she faced. Inside Skyhold, she was under constant protection, although outside she still faced danger. Where he could assure her safety, he would.

“Her determination and strength of purpose will be tested and she will have dark days, but I pray her natural exuberance won’t be lost,” Leliana added wistfully.

There was a question he meant to ask Leliana before, but never had the opportunity. He took the chance now. “What was she like back when you met her, I mean apart from all that happened with...?” 

“The accident?” she suggested, finishing his sentence. 

“Yes.” Neither of them would say out loud what it really was.

“More of a child than she is now, but otherwise, not unlike she was at the start of all this.” Leliana chuckled. “Never underestimate her though, childlike she may be, but there’s steel underneath all that humour and talk of redemption and second chances. You never see it often, but it’s there.” 

She paused, serious now, one gloved hand brushing the other. “When Aedan gave me his journal to deliver to her, I asked if he wished to send anything else, meaning a message or something like that. He smiled at me and said ‘I am. I’m sending you.’ He knew I’d take care of her, do what he couldn’t anymore. I’ve done that, watched over her all these years, sought to protect her best I could, admittedly mostly from a distance until the Inquisition.”

Leliana laid her hand on his arm and looked into his eyes. “I will always be her friend, but I’m giving that responsibility to you now, Cullen. _Look after her._ I couldn’t have had a truer friend, and you will have that and more. Nourish her and she will give of herself to you unconditionally.”

Cullen stared at her, briefly taken aback by her openness and the affection she showed. Whatever his views about Aedan, this was for Kai and for Leliana.

“I give you my word to always look after her,” he pledged. 

Patting his arm, she smiled. “Good,” she replied quietly, turning away.

Cullen sensed she was giving up something precious, more than an obligation to a friend. He wasn’t certain, but he thought he saw her eyes moisten before she swung away and glanced aside, feeling as if he was intruding. When he looked back Leliana was facing him, her normal expression in place. 

“I’m sure we both have work to do before the celebrations,” she proposed, heading for the door.

“Yes, of course,” he acknowledged, understanding he’d been dismissed.

Cullen was conscious he’d been granted a rare glimpse of the Leliana Kai spoke about, the caring, warm person she called her friend. The one concealed behind the persona of the Spymaster, even behind the prankster and joker. 

A memory awakened when she talked of handing over to him, a memory of a woman holding out a skin of water to him in Kinloch, her face full of concern for someone in pain. In his fear and anger he lashed out, spurned her offer. 

This time he gladly accepted her request.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

**Return to Skyhold**

The three Advisors waited at the half turn of the staircase. What people there were in Skyhold were gathered in both the bottom and top courtyards, and Cullen had organised a guard of honour for the Inquisitor and her party. Leliana’s scouts in the pass had sighted them, providing ample time to round up everyone before they reached Skyhold.

As they rode in and dismounted, their horses were collected from them. Cullen couldn’t see her face, but could sense the confusion in her body language. They weren’t accustomed to returning to a reception, and likely they didn’t expect one. He saw Tamsin approach the Inquisitor.

“Inquisitor!”

Kai swung around on hearing Tamsin call her. “What’s going on?” 

“A modest welcome reception to say thank you, Inquisitor. I understand there’s also a banquet organised by the Ambassador in the Great Hall.” She stepped closer and whispered. “There’s another one in the tavern, should you wish a change of scenery.”

Kai smiled and nodded. “Thanks Tamsin. I’ll keep that in mind.” She turned to her companions. “Well, it looks we have a gauntlet to run before we get to the food and drink.”

“Well, why are still standing here? I for one need a drink,” Dorian insisted. “They’re obviously waiting for you, so go on.” He waved her forward.

Kai made her way through the courtyard, accompanied by her companions, cheers and salutes greeting them as they passed. She was mindful of holding onto her cloak so the breeze didn’t flap it aside and reveal her bloody armour to the crowds lining their path. 

Cullen watched as the Inquisitor made her way up the bottom stairs and up to the top courtyard. He noticed how deliberately she walked and how her cloak didn’t move, but with the warm smile on her face as she passed the crowds, anyone casually glancing at her wouldn’t pay attention. 

“I have to admit, there were times I feared this day may not come.” Josephine’s voice was hushed as she spoke. “But right now I couldn’t be happier.”

“As we all are, Josie,” Leliana whispered.

“Indeed,” Cullen nodded, not taking his eyes off the Inquisitor as she stepped up the stairs toward them. He noticed her face, it was grubby, and this made him smile. _Some things never changed._

When she approached them, she grinned. The three of them bowed, acknowledging her victory, and as Cullen glanced up, he could swear she appeared embarrassed. But then she caught his gaze and offered him that radiant smile. In that moment seeing her smile only for him, it didn’t matter that she was the Inquisitor, and he was the Commander, she was the woman he loved and she was safe. Cullen threw protocol to the winds and strode forward to embrace Kai.

“Not too hard,” she whispered urgently as he wrapped his arms around her, stopping shy of a hug when he heard the words.

“What have you done?” he murmured, resting his head against hers.

“It was the dragon.” Her voice was muffled as she settled her head onto his shoulder, face brushing his mane.

“Maker, you and damn dragons,” he complained. 

A deliberate cough from Josephine interrupted their exchange. “Inquisitor, we must present you to the crowd,” she urged. 

Parting Kai saw the reproving look on Cullen’s face before he softened and gave her a smirk. She smiled back at him and heard Josephine again. “Inquisitor!”

As Kai turned and faced the throng, shouts went up even louder than before. The sole thought in her head was carrying out one task and then heading to change out of her armour. She remained there for a few minutes before Josephine whispered.

“I expect that will do. Thank you, Inquisitor.”

Kai swung back and exhaled. As everyone retreated into the Great Hall and off to the tavern, she was left with Cullen. She glanced around before lifting up her cloak to show him.

His eyes widened. “Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed seeing her armour, the right side covered in dried blood. “Stitches?” 

“Stitches,” she confirmed. “Bull patched me up again, instructed me to be careful. He said if I opened them up, this time he wasn’t going to fix it.” 

Cullen folded his arms and stared at her. “I want to see it, make sure he’s done a proper job.” 

“Ok,” she nodded, biting her lip. “It does mean no strenuous activity for a week,” she announced earnestly. “I hope that’s alright, you know because we can’t have...”

“Are you serious?” Cullen frowned at her pointing at her side. “Did you think I'd even ask seeing that?”

She grinned cheekily and winked. Cullen groaned, her humour was obviously back. 

“You are impossible,” he declared.

She snickered and ambled over, settling her hand on his breastplate. “I have a task to complete before getting changed. Wait for me in my quarters?”

Cullen rested his palm on her cheek. “Of course. Welcome home, Inquisitor.”

“Thank you, Commander. I had to come back,” she grinned. “I was under orders, and I realise what happens if I’m disobedient,” she teased.

Cullen leant forward and murmured. “Not for a week, remember.” 

She began to laugh and suddenly let out an ‘oww’ clutching her side, glaring at him. “Don’t make me laugh,” she grumbled.

Cullen smiled and couldn’t resist adding, “Your face is grubby too.” 

Another half laugh and another ‘oww’ answered him.

“Well, _you’re_ not getting a kiss,” she huffed and rounded, walking up the stairs to the Great Hall.

Cullen strode after her, grinning. “Let’s see, shall we?” he called out, hearing an ‘hmph’. 

As she went towards the garden, Cullen headed to the back of the Hall, past all the people busy celebrating. Injured she may be, but she needed to let off steam, and for that matter, so did he. 

+++++

Kai reached the Eluvian room off the garden and opened the door. When she saw Morrigan slip away, she presumed this was where she was heading. Hearing the door open, Morrigan turned and looked at her, a tired sigh escaping. The journey back had been a hectic one, and with both of them injured, Kai hadn’t had the opportunity to speak with Morrigan.

“Inquisitor,” she addressed her curtly. “Don’t you have a celebration to attend?”

Kai nodded. “I do, and I came to say the invitation includes you. Without your aid, we couldn’t have defeated Corypheus.”

Morrigan looked confused for a moment before gathering her composure. “I appreciate the gesture, but I am busy making preparations. As soon as I have everything arranged, I shall be leaving.”

“Well, if you change your mind, you’re welcome to come.” 

Kai stepped forward, seeing Morrigan glance at her uncertainly as she held out her hand. Her tone was mild and conciliatory as she spoke. 

“You promised me you would stay and see this out and you did. I disbelieved you and I was wrong. You kept your word and I’m sorry I doubted you. Thank you, Morrigan.” 

Morrigan stared speechless at Kai and then at her hand. Kai thought she wouldn’t take it and wouldn’t accept her apology and quite honestly she couldn’t have blamed her, she’d treated Morrigan with nothing but contempt from the start. Mistrust and annoyance had driven Kai’s actions, yet Morrigan had kept her end of the bargain as she swore to. But suddenly she reached out and took Kai’s hand.

“Thank you,” she answered her voice quiet and hesitant. As they let go Morrigan’s cynicism returned. “I doubt this makes us friends.”

“Perhaps not, but that doesn’t lessen my gratitude.” 

The conversation came to a standstill, and both stood there awkwardly. Relations between them had been less than cordial, and neither had spoken to the other unless it was unavoidable. Unsure what else to say Kai decided perhaps it was time to leave. 

“I should let you continue with your preparations,” she offered.

Morrigan took the opportunity. “Yes indeed, there is much to do.”

They nodded politely to each other. Kai left and had reached the garden when she heard,

“Inquisitor, one moment.” 

++++++

Cullen waited for Kai on the balcony enjoying the crisp mountain air as he studied the stars. In the night-time you couldn’t see the scar where the Breach had been, it was an ordinary night sky. Corypheus was gone, the Inquisition had fulfilled the purpose Cassandra laid out all those months ago, Kai was alive and so was he. Whatever the future had in store, there was a future and there was hope, cause enough for celebration.

The door creaked open and light footsteps moved gradually up the stairs. Guessing it was Kai, Cullen went back inside to greet her. Her face was pensive as she rounded into the room. 

Seeing him, she smiled, but seemed preoccupied. “Hello you.”

“Hello,” he smiled. Cullen went up to her, resting his fingers under her chin, lifting her head. “Are you all right?” 

“What? Oh, sorry,” she tipped her head, now focused on him totally. Taking his hand and resting his palm against her cheek, she grinned. “I believe I may require assistance getting changed. Could I impose on you for some help?” 

“It would be my pleasure,” he smirked. 

Her gaze fell onto his mouth as she sighed. Cullen leant forward slowly to kiss her, watching her eye close and her lips part for him when she felt his breath. As their lips met, there was a happy sigh, and he smiled against her mouth, Kai humming in reply. This kiss was different, the end of uncertainty and the start of their future. It was unhurried, comfortable and passionate all at the same time. After some minutes, Cullen drew back, seeing her rub her lips together as she habitually did. He chuckled.

“You are...” he whispered.

“....yours. Always and only yours,” she murmured, gazing at him.

“And I will always be yours.” He kissed her forehead. “But tonight, we both belong to the rest of Skyhold, so let’s get you cleaned up and dressed, shall we?”

Kai nodded. “I am in your hands, Cullen.”

Between the two of them, they removed her armour piece by piece. Reaching her underclothes, Cullen carefully took off her leggings, seeing the bandage underneath. It covered her lower torso.

“How bad is it?” he inquired lifting off her undershirt. 

“It’s a longish one, but only went deep here where it first caught me.” Her hand rested over the front of her hip.

“It might be an idea to change the bandage as we’re cleaning you up. Do you have any here?” Cullen stood up.

“In one of the draws,” she pointed. “Bottom one I think.” 

Cullen grabbed a bandage from the bottom draw. Cautiously he removed hers, looking at the wound for the first time. He was shocked. It was messy, stretching across the right front and side of her lower body, puckered in places, likely with having to draw the skin together to stitch it. He looked up to see Kai watching his reaction.

“Maker’s breath, Kai, it’s...” he hesitated

“A humdinger, isn’t it?” she concluded, smiling as if it was a badge of honour.

Cullen exhaled and shook his head. “What am I going to do with you?”

“I thought we already worked that out. Bandage, clean up, get dressed and celebrate,” she snickered.

He tapped her nose and frowned at her. “That’s _not_ what I meant.” 

“Well, how about you think on it when you’re doing those things? I mean, at this rate all the ale will be drunk by the time we turn up. Come on.” She winked at him.

Cullen rolled his eyes. “Why do I even...?”

Kai laughed, shortly followed by an ‘oww’ as she gripped her side. Cullen grinned, catching her scowl at him. He coughed, still grinning. “I’ll get water to clean you up with.”

He picked up the wash items and some water and pulled up a chair sitting opposite Kai. He cleaned her before wrapping a new bandage around her, seeing her observing him as he did. At any other time having her sitting naked on the bed could produce quite a different reaction in him, but as she rested there, and he cleaned the rest of her body, just having her with him and alive was enough. 

Kai was many things, some positive, some negative, but what she made him feel, how she made him feel, he never wanted to give that up, never wanted to give her up. 

Cullen fetched fresh water and went to clean her face. As he lifted his hand, she took hold of it in hers.

“Tell me what you’re thinking?” she urged, searching his face.

Kai saw him look down, thoughtful. Cullen seemed so serious when he was washing her she was concerned. It was as if he was staring into her or even through her, so intense was his expression. She waited for him; when Cullen was this focused, she knew never to rush him.

He faced her, and when he spoke he was measured, as if he weighed every word to make sure it conveyed what he wished to say.

“I’ve experienced a lot in my life, some of it I’d rather not have, but all of it added to who I am whether good or bad. When I was young, I wanted to help people and saw being a Templar as the means to that. My parents were reluctant. Looking back perhaps they knew better than an eager child. I never gave up trying, and it was that persistence and Mia’s encouragement that led to my dream becoming reality. By the time I took my vows, I wasn’t as idealistic naturally, but I wasn’t cynical either.” 

He paused, frowning.

“What happened at Kinloch changed all that. I couldn’t shake off the anger, the fear, or the dreams. For a while I was sent away to recuperate and later posted to Kirkwall. The way Meredith handled me just stoked that anger even more, but only up to a point. Yes, it was principally directed at mages, but also at people who couldn’t understand what I saw when I said something was wrong. And at people who told me something was wrong when I couldn’t see it was. I found it hard to trust people. There were days I wasn’t certain anything was even real. Leaving the Order, giving up lyrium, joining the Inquisition was a chance to atone, but also a hope, a way out and a way back. I hoped it would be enough...”

He stalled, staring at her, his hand clutching hers.

“You slipped into my life changing it bit by bit. You, with your plan to keep me fed, rested and off the lyrium, making me laugh, hearing you laugh, showing me the monsters in my head could be dispelled. You encouraged me throw off the fear, and the anger at myself for what I had become. I’ve found who I am; now I need to discover who I can be.”

Cullen rested his other hand on her face.

“You shine a light banishing the darkness, but when you’re not there, it doesn’t fade. When you’re away I miss you, but how good you make me feel doesn’t stop. If I could wake up every morning next to you as part of a normal life, I would in an instant, but we both recognise that won’t happen anytime soon. If the worst had occurred, and you died, I could carry on because you gave me the tools to find the strength. But while we both live, I never, ever want to be without you.”

Kai’s breath was swift and shallow, almost trapped in her chest along with her heart which pattered fitfully. She gazed at him transfixed as he laid his heart bare. Cullen smiled at her, a warm confident smile.

“Katarina Alana Isabella Trevelyan, will you marry me?”

The question took her entirely by surprise, an audible “wha..?” slipping from her open mouth before she gathered her wits and formed an intelligible answer.

Kai cleared her throat. “Cullen Stanton Rutherford...” she beamed as she rested her hand on his chestplate. “Oh, yes please,” she lilted. 

Cullen ran his finger over her lips and smirked at her. “So, can we consider this an answered reply to an asked question?”

Kai laughed and then felt the pain, another ‘oww’ coming out. Hearing him laugh, she frowned. “We can, just don’t make me laugh.” 

“No promises,” he teased, and kissed her.

_There were days she could drown in his kiss. Today was way, way better than those days._


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai wakes the morning after the celebrations with a hangover. Cullen unveils her shiny reward, but his plan doesn't stop there.  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a small nod at the end of the chapter to Replica_Jester's fabulous story 'Window Watchers', which always puts me in the perfect mood for writing humour. It's an incredible piece, a must read which will have you laughing out loud and a wonderful antidote to melancholy. 
> 
> With much thanks to Replica_Jester for permission to use the spirit of their story.  
> .  
> .

_Maker, she really shouldn’t have drunk so much._ Kai sat at her desk in her dressing gown groaning, head in hands, a blinding headache adding to the throbbing in her side. _No more alcohol,_ she swore to herself. Reaching to her draw for a potion a sharp twinge shot through her. She clutched her side, pressing on it to counteract the pain. 

“Oww, fuck it,” she cursed. 

This was a replay of when she lost her eye, having to think first before making certain movements. _Bloody dragon,_ she grumbled to herself. Standing up from the chair, she gingerly knelt down and opened the draw, grabbing a potion and drinking it. There were only two left. _How had she run through them so quickly?_

Kai didn’t feel much of a hero this morning. In most stories the hero was almost other, legendary even; crushing their foe and emerging unscathed and victorious. This was the reality; a mortal woman with one eye, a scarred body, and a hangover, on her knees glugging a draught to ease the pain. _Hardly the stuff of legend._ All those people who hailed her as the Maker’s Chosen should see her now, perhaps it might put an end to all the fate and destiny crap that clung to her. Kai contemplated asking Varric to include it in the book he was writing.

The door opened and footsteps coming up the stairs interrupted her train of thought. In her foggy state, it took a moment to recognise them.

As he rounded into the room, she called out. “Morning Dorian.” Then wished she wasn’t so loud.

So did Dorian judging by his response. “Kaffas! Keep the noise down. I’m feeling fragile enough being up so early without the aftereffects of last night.”

Kai snagged another potion. “Here, have one of these,” she offered, holding it up. 

“What is it?” he asked, wandering over to her.

“Pain relief, uncommonly good pain relief.” She peered up as he took it from her. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

Dorian swigged back the draught, grimacing and sucking his teeth when he did. “This stuff is disgusting, can’t she flavour it to make it palatable,” he complained.

“Dorian, why are you here?” Kai repeated, cautiously pushing herself up to face him.

“Fetching you, that’s why,” he advised her, sticking out his tongue in an attempt to rid himself of the taste. “You’re needed downstairs.”

Kai sat on the chair. “What for?”

“Bull asked me to fetch you. Probably something to do with the Chargers, putting their position on a more formal footing. You know, now they’ve elected to remain with the Inquisition.” He pulled up another chair and sat facing her. “How long does this stuff take to work?”

“A few minutes, it’s really quick.” Her pain was abating. “Why do they need me, surely Josie can handle it?”

Dorian rolled his eyes. “Look, darling, all I know is your presence is requested. So be a good Inquisitor, get dressed and let’s get moving.”

Kai stared at him and groaned. Had she been thinking clearly, she would have spotted this was a ruse, but he continued to press her.

“Well, hop to it,” he urged, waving her on.

Kai reluctantly got up, fished out some clothes, and dressed slowly, only asking for help with her boots. Dorian made her laugh, and suffer, when he pulled them on for her.

“I hope you realise I don’t normally get on my knees for a woman, you’re privileged,” he quipped, grinning.

He helped her up, and they made their way downstairs. Kai expected to go to Josephine’s office, but Dorian continued ahead, out of the Great Hall towards the courtyard. Her attempts to question him were met by evasion. Suspicious now, Kai came to a standstill at the half turn. 

“Unless you tell me what’s going on, I’m not moving from this spot,” she announced, her face set in a frown and arms folded. 

Dorian marched back up to her. “Now is not the time to do your determined thing, Kai. If you come with me, you’ll discover something to your advantage.” He stared at her, his hand gesturing forward. “Trust me.”

Kai squinted at him trying to read his face, unsuccessfully. She gave up and agreed. “All right.”

“Good girl,” he smiled. “You won’t regret this.”

As Kai walked past, she heard him sigh. “Neither will I.”

They went down into the courtyard and Dorian pointed to the bench near the forge. “Grab a seat there,” he directed, waiting until Kai sat before letting out a deafening whistle.

Kai shook her head, her ears ringing. Thank the Maker they drank the potions; that whistle went right through her skull. Dorian parked next to her, smirking and nudged her to face forward.

“Maker’s mercy!” she declared. Kai’s jaw initially dropped before she smiled, biting her lip. It was way, way better than she’d imagined.

Dorian laughed. “Oh, look at you, and they haven’t even started yet.”

Cullen and Bull strode towards them, both shirtless and carrying wooden training sticks. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen Cullen naked from the waist up and it wouldn’t be the last, but this was special. This was her shiny reward. The grin on her face couldn’t have been broader. As they reached them, Cullen stood before her and bowed.

“My lady.” He presented his arm to her for the favour.

Kai removed her scarf and stood, draping it around his arm. “You found the parchment then,” she deduced, beaming at him. 

“That I did,” he grinned. “But it’s still a dreadful piece of verse.”

“Dreadful it may be, but it seems to have done the trick,” she chuckled, tying a loose knot. “And you are magnificent,” she sighed.

He laughed. “Flatterer.”

“May-be,” she drawled. “So...is this an actual match then?”

Cullen leant forward. “Bull thought Dorian may appreciate it too, so we decided to do it properly.” 

“Well, husband-to-be,” she whispered, “I heartily approve of doing it properly.” Kai winked, her hand pausing on his arm as she purred, “And I’ll be more than happy to warm your bed for you, when I’m able to.”

Cullen smirked, lifting an eyebrow. “Wife-to-be, I look forward to it,” he murmured back.

“Ready, Cullen?” Bull called.

Cullen winked at her before turning to Bull. “Ready,” he affirmed.

Kai sat with Dorian as the two of them headed for the training ring. _All it took was a dreadful poem and the defeat of a darkspawn magister to see what she missed in Haven...but it was worth every moment._

It appeared she and Dorian weren’t the only ones whose attention was drawn by the exquisitely sculpted men now facing one another, sticks at the ready. Cullen would be swifter, lighter on his feet; Bull was stronger if slower. If Bull got a hit in Cullen would feel it, but she guessed he could take advantage of Bull’s blind side.

The initial strikes went to Cullen, so quick he practically danced on his feet, but he wore no armour and wasn’t carrying a sword and shield. Bull countered, and swung low and hard against Cullen’s legs, toppling him off his feet. Cullen used the drop, rolling away before Bull’s stick reconnected, and jumped back up, crouching as he hit the back of Bull’s legs. Bull wobbled but remained on his feet.

“Whoa!” Kai gasped, captivated with how fast and agile Cullen could be.

Her adrenaline was pumping watching him fight, but that wasn’t the only hormone pulsing through her. Kai shuffled on the bench and exhaled. A week she had to wait. _Bloody dragon,_ she thought again. 

As they went on, Cullen’s speed and ability to dodge Bull’s stronger attacks was beginning to tell, Bull seemed to be tiring. That was until he pre-empted one of Cullen’s moves and caught him square on the shoulders bringing him down. He landed face forward with an audible ‘oof’.

Kai winced with an empathetic ‘oww’. That would hurt. Cullen pushed himself onto his knees, shaking his head and breathing hard. The fall had evidently winded and dazed him. 

He lifted his hand. “I’m fine,” he confirmed.

Kai breathed a sigh of relief. Cullen was up now, a brief shake of the head and he readied his stance. He nodded to Bull receiving an acknowledgement, and they began. Both were taking this seriously, but she saw they weren’t using the full force they could muster. What she found incredible was they managed this after the celebrations last night. Kai would be lamentably unfit to tackle anything of the sort today, and not simply because of her wound.

There was a contented sigh from Dorian. “I could live on this sight for days. As much as I love Bull to bits, your Templar is quite spectacular.”

Kai smirked, not taking her eyes off the two men as she answered. “Careful Dorian, that ‘Templar’ you’re eyeing up is my husband-to-be.”

Dorian laughed. “Aha! Bull and I wondered. You were both more nauseatingly sweet than normal. Oh, I do love the idea of an actual wedding, one where two people choose to marry. Not the matching of a breeding pair. So when is it?”

“Oh.” They hadn’t discussed a date.

“What? You haven’t set a date?” he tutted. “I know _you_ do things on the fly, but I assumed Cullen _at least_ would have a plan. Well, this is no good at all...”

“Dorian...”

“You have to set a date, today in fact. I have to decide what outfit to wear. That’s if any of them are suitable for such an occasion. I may require a new one...damn, depending on the date you set it may not arrive in time. Are your seamstresses any good? Now that would be quicker...”

“Dorian!” she spoke louder.

“What?”

“Weddings are private, between the two people getting married,” she reminded him.

Dorian scoffed. “For ordinary folk yes, but you two are hardly that. Let’s face it, darling, Skyhold is a hothouse of gossip. Even if you wanted to do it secretly, it wouldn’t happen.”

He was right; there was scant chance of them having an ordinary wedding. A wistful sigh more akin to a whine fell from her lips as she pouted dejectedly. 

Hearing the sticks snap smartly together drew her attention back to the contest. It appeared to be a stalemate, their sticks locked together, feet dug in as each one sought to drive the other back. Bull was stronger, but Cullen was holding his own. She watched mesmerised.

What happened next was unexpected. Both sticks broke with a resounding crack from the pressure, splitting in half, fragments breaking off. Cullen turned away immediately, but a sharp splinter ricocheted off the side of his face. Kai heard him curse.

“Cullen!” she yelled. 

Leaping to her feet she dashed over to help, ignoring the twinge of pain in her side. Please Maker, not his eye, she prayed desperately. When she got there Kai could see his cheek was bloody where the splinter had caught him, but that was all. He stared at her concerned face as he wiped his hand across his cheek, smearing the blood. 

A smile broke lazily on Cullen’s face. “Have you come to my rescue?”

“I...I was worried. You could have...” Kai faltered, feeling like an idiot. Apart from a cut cheek he was fine; she was the one in a blind panic. The fear caught in her throat eased.

Bull placed his hand on her shoulder, his voice hushed. “I know what you thought. Imagine what he went through when he found out.”

Kai glanced back at Bull with a feeble smile and nodded, taking a sharp breath. When she saw the splinter strike his face all she could think of was aiding him should the worst have happened, yet when their positions were reversed, she dreaded he would reject her. It was a lesson she should have learnt earlier. 

Bull walked past her to Cullen. “Well, Cullen. As our weapons seem to have exploded under our awesome combined strength, what do you say to us calling it a tie?” He extended his hand.

“Agreed,” Cullen smiled, shaking Bull’s hand.

Bull chuckled and whispered to Cullen, but not softly enough she didn’t hear. “Did you see the look on their faces?” 

Cullen stared smirking at Kai as he murmured. “It was worth every moment.”

Feeling a rush of heat to her cheeks she glanced down, clearing her throat. “Well, if you two have finished, I suspect my Commander might need patching up.”

Bull laughed. “He’s all yours, Boss.” He winked at her, and strode away.

Cullen walked to her smiling. “I believe I may require assistance. Could I impose on you for help, Inquisitor?” He was quoting her from last night.

Kai mirrored his reply. “It would be my pleasure, Commander,” she acknowledged, returning the smile.

They made their way to his office and Cullen retrieved alcohol and bandages from his draw. He leant on his elbows across the desk allowing Kai to examine his back.

“Did I worry you?” he inquired, studying her face.

“Yes, I thought...” she hesitated scratching her head, and darted a glance at him. “I’m...just glad you’re all right.” She couldn’t bring herself to say it, not sure if her reluctance was for him or for her.

Kai focused her attention on his back. As she bent over cleaning the scrapes, Kai noticed he smelt different. Curious, she leant closer and drew in a deep breath, it was...really nice. She had to ask.

“Cullen, have you switched your soap?”

“What?!”

“I just wondered, you smell...different.”

He peered at her curiously. “No. Maybe it’s the alcohol.”

“I know what alcohol smells like,” she scoffed, completing the last scratch. “All done. Can you sit on the desk so I can check your front?”

Cullen perched on the desk and opened his legs allowing Kai better access. The temptation to sniff him came back, and she leant forward. _There it was again. What was it?_ As she inhaled, this time the scent seemed to permeate into her. Kai drew back, her baffled expression met by Cullen’s amused stare.

“Perhaps some focus here,” he requested, chuckling. “One minute you’re worrying for me, the next you’re sniffing me and inquiring about soap.”

“Sorry.” Kai smiled and cleaned the grazes on his chest. She then focused on the wound to his cheek. Once the smeared blood was cleaned away, it didn’t look too bad. She tilted her head, staring at it.

“How does it look?” he asked.

She couldn’t resist teasing him. Kai stared into his eyes with an uneasy look.”Oh, Cullen.”

Cullen frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but...it won’t scar!” she proclaimed, adopting a theatrical pose with the back of her hand resting on her forehead.

Cullen rolled his eyes. “Very funny.” 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” 

Kai rested her palms on his face and sighed contentedly, kissing him. “Thank you, Cullen. It was the best shiny reward. It was perfect.”

“You did seem rather enthralled,” he smiled, placing his hands on her thighs, steering clear of her injury. “And I do believe I caught you blushing,” he taunted. “It becomes you; we should see it more often.”

Kai peered at him from beneath her lashes, smirking. “Shut up, Commander.”

“Really Inquisitor, I recall you being more polite than this.” Cullen sounded reproachful, but a smile played on his lips. “Clearly I’ve been lax keeping you in hand.”

She crossed her arms, jutting out her jaw defiantly. “Really?” she challenged. “You issued orders, which I followed and...” she prodded his chest, his very solid chest which temporarily distracted her. “...and...then...you have the cheek tell me I need keeping in hand?”

Kai’s mock defiant expression collapsed as she spoke, while Cullen’s smile grew into a grin watching her failing under his gaze.

“You did come back, that’s true, and you did give me an answer,” he conceded. 

His hands brushed up and down her thighs. Her earlier excitement returned making her lightheaded, her breathing a little sharper. Tension began to swirl deep inside.

“You’re fond of saying how obedient you are for me.” He smirked as he leaned closer. “I’m curious to discover if you can actually make good on that claim.” 

Clarity of thought was patently lacking as Kai rashly rose to Cullen’s dare. “I...can do that.”

“I see. All right. I propose a challenge. A challenge for our wedding day,” he suggested. “You promise to be obedient for that one day.”

“One day?”

“One day,” he answered. “It shouldn’t be _that_ hard for someone with your determination.” 

_She could meet his challenge; it was only one day after all._ Kai agreed to his proposal. “Why not? All right, I promise that on our wedding day I will be the model of obedience.”

Cullen gave her a smug smile. “Now, having established that, we need to set a date. Say, a week’s time? Should coincide perfectly with your recuperation. What do you think?” It sounded more like an instruction, and timely too.

Kai sensed she’d been outmanoeuvred and sighed. “Cullen, did you plan this?” 

He drew her to him and rested his face against hers, his breath warm as it fanned over her skin. His hand caressed her back. She detected that scent again. Kai had no idea what it was, but she liked it, she liked it even more now. 

“I always have a plan, remember.” His voice was hushed, pitched low.

“Cullen.”

“Yes?”

“Kiss me,” she breathed.

Cullen kissed her, and then nuzzled her neck, lightly biting it. As a moan tumbled from her parted lips Kai felt his laugh echo through her. She thought she heard him mutter ‘so easily’, but in that moment she really didn’t care.

 

 

===================================================================================

 

 

**One week later – the day of the wedding**

 

“Kai, please!” Josephine appealed, exasperated at Kai’s reluctance to accept her advice. “You cannot get married with no undergarments. It is not _seemly._ ”

Kai stood up abruptly, forcing Leliana to wrench her arm back from Kai’s face where she was attempting to apply make-up on her left eye.

“Merde!” Leliana cursed. “Katarina, I almost put your other eye out!” 

Kai was already at her chest of draws dragging out her smallclothes. She faced the group of woman hanging around in her room, holding a pair of them. “This is _my_ wedding day,” she declared. “When my husband-to-be takes off my wedding dress on our wedding night, I do not wish him to find me wearing something like this!” Kai waved the smallclothes around as if she was taunting a druffalo.

There was positively no way she would wear them. She’d sooner be entirely naked under her wedding dress than sport something so unglamorous and had told Josephine. They were fine for everyday use, but today was not an everyday day, it was her wedding day and she had nothing else remotely suitable. 

“Well, I don’t see why she should. I never wear any,” Cassandra remarked blithely.

Josephine glared at her. “ _You_ are not helping.”

Sera cackled away, perched on Kai’s bookcase. “Cullen’s face when he takes off your dress; _that_ I’d like to see.”

“Don’t even think about it!” Josephine shook her finger sternly.

Sera tutted, and twisted to face her. “I meant when he sees the....”

“Voyeurism, why am I not surprised,” Vivienne sniffed, fanning her face affectedly. “You have no lower limit, do you?”

Kai scratched her head and sighed, desperate to recover the sense of calm she’d woken up to. This morning it was perfect and peaceful, just her and Cullen, and tea. She sighed again. But this morning she didn’t have what felt like half of Skyhold’s female population in her room. Surely preparing for one’s wedding shouldn’t be this stressful?

And now Lyssa had vanished, the half-done flower headpiece sitting on the bed. Kai was sorely tempted to walk out in her dressing gown, grab Cullen, drag him off to Mother Giselle and do the deed in whatever they were wearing. The ceremony only required the two of them.

Vivienne and Sera continued to snipe at each other, Josephine muttered in Antivan, Cassandra snorted and headed onto the balcony to escape, and Leliana just viewed the whole scene with amusement.

Kai heard footsteps coming up the stairs and glanced up see a smiling Lyssa return. Walking up to Kai, Lyssa took her hand removing the smallclothes she clutched and placed a silky embroidered...Kai stared at it, and sniggered. It was scarcely more than a piece of fabric and two strips of lace. She’d never seen smallclothes like it.

“Don’t forget to turn your back so he can see the tattoo,” Lyssa whispered grinning before perching on the bed and continuing with the headpiece.

“Thank you, Lys,” Kai smiled gratefully. She held it up. “Josie, problem solved. You’ll be pleased to know my modesty will be concealed.”

Josephine peered at it and exhaled heavily. “It is...better than nothing,” she acquiesced.

Leliana coughed. “Well, now that’s agreed, perhaps I could continue?”

Kai took her seat and Leliana winked at her. “You won’t want to do this again.”

“Most definitely, not after today. Not that I would anyhow, this is my one and only time.” She leant forward and whispered, “We should have eloped.”

“Too late now,” Leliana snickered. Dipping the brush into the palette, she readied to begin...again. “At least I don’t have to worry about matching both eyes. It’s just as well, with all these interruptions I forgot which colours I mixed.”

That prompted a snigger from Kai. Others may have found that joke tasteless, but Kai would rather that than avoid or ignore as if it was some awful thing never to be spoken of.

“Close your eye and relax, think pleasant thoughts,” Leliana cooed.

Kai closed her eye and let her mind drift. The relative peace didn’t last long.

“Inquisitor!” She heard Dagna calling her.

“Can I open my eye?” Kai waited for confirmation from Leliana.

“Now you can.”

Kai opened her eye to see Dagna standing beside her holding a small box. She wondered if it was her necklace. Cullen took it away to have it fixed; he noticed the clasp was loose. That was two days ago and there was still no sign of it. Her questions were met by a vague ‘don’t worry, it’ll be ready’.

“Hello Dagna,” she smiled. “What’s this?”

Dagna held out the box. “A gift for you from the Commander. He thought you may like to wear it today.”

_It must be the necklace,_ she thought. Kai took the box with a thank you and opened it up. It wasn’t her necklace; it was an eye patch, an exquisite eye patch, silver in colour with green flecks. She stared up at Dagna who was as excited as Kai was stunned.

Dagna’s explanation shot out faster than Sera’s arrows. “Do you like it? He hoped you’d like it. He said that silver and green were your favourites, so Harrit and I made it from silverite and veridium, the leather on the inside and the strap are dyed nugskin because that’s the softest, and I added a little protection too, you know for when you’re out doing stuff, like killing dragons and such...” 

Leliana gasped. “Nugskin?”

Dagna’s hand shot to her mouth, eyes large. “Oh ancestors, I forgot. You have...ohh...I promise they were dead already. We wouldn’t...”

“Ignore her, Widdle.” Sera climbed down off the bookcase and stood next to Dagna. She stuck her tongue out at Leliana. “She’s teasing you. Ask her what the lining is in those gloves she wears.”

Dagna’s smile returned. “Really? Phew.”

Kai gently lifted out the eye patch, it felt light and strong, and Dagna was right, the inside and strap felt soft. It was incredible. Much like her underwear, she’d stuck with the one she had, never getting round to something better. She turned away and took off her leather eye patch, replacing it with the new one. Leliana offered her a mirror.

Kai looked at it and her face in the mirror, not believing how different it made her look, how subtler it was. It didn’t shout out like her old one, it...sang.

“Well, do you like it?” Dagna’s voice was nervously enthusiastic.

“I love it, thank you...to both of you,” Kai grinned. “I will only wear this one from now on.”

“I’m so glad...we’re so glad I mean,” Dagna exhaled. She pulled out a piece of parchment from her pocket, fingering it as she faced Kai. “Remember you said we could ask for something?”

“Yes, whatever you want,” Kai confirmed.

Dagna handed her the parchment. “I wrote it down. It’ll make sense when you read it. And thank you.”

“ _Thank you,_ Dagna, and please thank Harrit for this too,” she pointed to her eye patch.

Kai watched as Dagna left and Sera followed her out. “How long?” she whispered to Leliana.

“It’s been brewing for a while now,” Leliana murmured.

Kai sighed. “All this time away, I miss so much. Maybe I’ll have more time here now.” With all the excitement over her new eye patch, she forgot to ask about the necklace. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

“I still don’t understand why you think I require a...what was it you said?” Cullen stared at Dorian and Bull. 

Dorian explained again. “A batman, a helper if you will, military officers always have one to ensure they are dressed correctly. Bull and I have decided we will be that for you today.”

“Don’t forget the moral support,” Bull added smiling.

“Of course, that too. Thank you, Amatus.” Dorian nodded appreciatively.

“My pleasure, Kadan.”

Cullen was unconvinced. “Andraste preserve me! I’m hardly an idiot unable to dress myself. If I was, I certainly wouldn’t be here running the Inquisition army.”

“Ahh but Cullen, you’ve never got married before. Unless...” Dorian tapped his chin. “...unless there’s another Mrs Rutherford out there we don’t know about.”

He glared at Dorian. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he snorted, hearing Dorian chuckle. 

Cullen turned to Varric sitting in his chair scribbling away and arched an eyebrow. “Moral support you say? Then why is Varric here?”

Varric paused and looked up. “Oh I’m just recording the events for posterity. The wedding of the Inquisitor and the Commander of the Inquisition, do you realise how big this thing is?” He rested the pen on his book, his hands now moving animatedly, setting the scene as he spoke. 

“Imagine it, in the middle of a battle to save the world, they find each other. A world weary Ferelden ex-Templar from humble origins, gruff and moody, and a smooth talking, wise cracking negotiator from a Marcher noble family. They’ve never met before, but they are connected by Fate through the Hero of Ferelden. From their first encounter the attraction is immediate... sparks fly as their eyes meet across the ruins of the Temple...”

Cullen groaned. To his recollection, the only sparks that day came from Solas’s magic, there were certainly none between him and Kai. 

“It was nothing like that. We were too busy fighting demons and closing the damn rift!” He pointed out emphatically.

“Yes, I was there, remember? We closed the rift, and then she made a joke and you growled at her. No, no, I can’t put that into the story.” Varric tutted picking up his pen. “Trust me, attraction of opposites, and the commoner-noble thing, people just lap up that stuff up. The ending is great, we need to spice up the beginning...a little.”

“Spice up the...?” Cullen exclaimed, his voice rising in volume. “We’re not some...commodity!”

“Tell that to Ruffles, she’s negotiated ten percent of the profits for the Inquisition.” Varric shook his head. “How I let that one go, I can’t even remember. All I recall was bottles of wine from her family’s estate and hey presto there’s my signature on a contract. I tried to protest, but all I got was ‘a contract is a contract’.” Varric mimicked Josephine’s accent as he recited the words and grunted in disgust.

Cullen went to complain, but thought better of it. He knew Josephine well enough to realise that whatever she arranged it would be for a good cause. Likely she caught wind of Varric’s story and worked out a means to utilise it to their benefit. 

Cullen sighed. When he woke this morning with Kai, the day was peaceful. He thought of the smile on her face when he bought her tea, it was perfect she declared. It was also the calm before the storm. The smile he left her with had long gone, and he felt as if the frown was fixed in its place.

He also seemed to have acquired two ‘batmen’ and a chronicler. Cullen’s hand found the back of his neck. Maybe they should have eloped. Looking around, he was on the verge of walking out there and then. All he needed to do was grab Kai, find Mother Giselle and get to her marry them. The ceremony only required the two of them.

Cullen closed his eyes and exhaled. A hand rested on his shoulder and he opened them to see Bull.

“Cullen, I realise this might seem a bit much, but we only want to help. A man shouldn’t be on his own on his wedding day though admittedly I don’t have much experience of them. What I do know is that’s an important day, one your friends want to share with you.”

Cullen flicked a glance at Varric.

Bull took Cullen aside and lowered his voice. “Yes, well. I realise you two are not exactly friends, but Varric wants to be a part of it too. You know how he respects the Boss, especially after she took him along against Corypheus. It allowed him the chance to fix what he let loose and put it behind him. And he can’t very well be up with the Boss can he?”

Cullen burst out laughing before he promptly checked himself.

“You know having Varric with us tipped the balance, and he’s the reason we made it through with as few injuries as we did. Boss is only human, but she has people around who point her in the right direction when needed, and Varric is one of them. He did that when it counted, so give him a bit of leeway.”

Bull was right. Although he’d still prefer to be on his own, their support was offered with thoughtfulness. It would be churlish to refuse.

Cullen nodded and smiled. He turned around. “All right, let’s get started. Bull, maybe you and Dorian can teach me something new. And Varric, just...don’t use her nickname in the book.” He saw Varric smile and salute.

Bull grinned, slapping him on the back. “Attaboy Cullen! Even though Dorian is a bit of a fop..."

“I heard that!” 

Bull continued. “...when it comes to dress sense, I suspect he has forgotten more than the two of us are likely to learn.”

“I heard that too, and if you said the three of you, it might be closer to the truth. But...it’s nice to be appreciated.” Dorian was grinning. “Now Cullen, let’s make certain we have you looking so delicious you’ll stun her out of her smallclothes. You have a wedding night too...although the two of you have been practicing for months,” he laughed.

Bull and Varric’s laughter joined Dorian’s. Cullen stared at the three of them, shaking his head. He couldn’t help but laugh along with them.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

The Great Hall was quieter than she imagined it would be. The tables stretching down both sides were laden many delicacies, drinks and... _tiny cakes._ She couldn’t resist the temptation and snaffled one as she wandered past, stuffing it into her mouth, trying to eat it before she reached Cullen.

He waited for her at the other end of the Great Hall, and judging by the buff coloured military style outfit, he likewise departed from traditional wedding wear. Cullen smiled seeing her which made him look even more handsome. He was that and so much more. She doubted she’d ever find someone as strong, smart and kind as he was. 

_Thank you Aedan for saving my husband,_ she thought. Residual resentment at her former fiancé had faded away after talking with Morrigan. What she was told likely wasn’t the whole story, but she sensed Morrigan was sincere when she revealed it was because of Kai he didn’t accept her offer. Knowing Morrigan, Kai guessed the possible outcome scared him more than the prospect of his own death. Aedan was always convinced she needed protecting.

Reaching Cullen, Kai beamed and laid her hand on his tunic. “You look...magnificent,” she purred, with a wink.

He chuckled. “ _And_ I’m actually clothed from the waist up this time.”

“You won’t be, not when I get my hands on you afterwards,” she murmured saucily, seeing the smirk and raised eyebrow.

“Really?” he questioned, catching her nod eagerly.

_He’d almost walked away from this smart and funny woman because he considered her frivolous._ The day they met in the Temple he treated her with disdain because he only saw another noble making a tasteless jibe. He didn’t understand she was seeking to ease the tension. Leliana’s assurances of Kai’s innocence did not persuade everyone. But there was more, something he didn’t learn until today and she never mentioned it. How, even though her combat skills were rusty, she didn’t hesitate to rush forward and take down a Terror that was bearing down on him from behind, solely with daggers.

Cullen couldn’t help but stare at her, clothed in a Marcher style dress of the palest green, white flowers in her hair and her new eye patch. Beautiful was a poor adjective to describe how breathtaking she looked. Watching her as she walked to him, he was reminded of a word he accidently used.

He leant forward and murmured huskily, “You look...” he paused, delaying until he heard her ask impatiently...

“I look...?”

“Ravaging,” he proclaimed.

Cullen received the response he hoped for; Kai threw her head back laughing loudly. It was rich, melodious and unfettered, and he adored that sound. He ran his finger across her cheek under the eye patch. “Do you like it?”

“I love it, it’s...me,” she grinned.

“I hoped you would.”

“I do. Thank you, Cullen.”

Pushing back her hair, he kissed her cheek. “Are you ready?”

“Yes...but there’s something missing.” Kai watched him intently. “Cullen, where’s my necklace? You said I would get it back.”

“You will,” he smiled, seeing her dubious expression.

“You’re up to something,” she frowned. “Why won’t...”

Cullen fixed her with a deliberate stare. “Do you remember what you promised?”

The resigned expression said it all. “Yes...I promised I would be obedient today.” 

She had agreed to his challenge, but giving way all the time did not come as easily to her now. Perhaps once it might have, but he realised she was as much the Inquisitor as she was previously a mediator. She adapted. 

Cullen took her hand and gestured to the garden door. “Come on.”

When they stepped into the garden, Kai realised why the Hall was quieter than normal. The covered walkway around the garden and the battlements above were heaving with people. The only clear area was where they stood by the door and the passage ahead leading into the garden. Kai assumed some would come to watch, but not _so many._ Mother Giselle waited for them by the well with Izzy sitting near her. Cullen wanted her with them; she was part of their family. 

“Oh,” she uttered, briefly taken aback before regaining her composure. Her voice was a whisper. “I didn’t imagine _quite_ so many.”

Cullen squeezed her hand. “Neither did I,” he replied quietly. The marriage ceremony was meant to be a private affair. Theirs looked to be anything but.

He felt a tug on his hand and faced Kai. She offered him that radiant smile, watching him as if he was the only person who mattered. “This is _our_ wedding; we concentrate on each other, agreed?”

When she gazed at him like that, concentrating on her wouldn’t be hard at all. “Agreed,” he grinned.

Cullen and Kai walked into the garden and took their places before Mother Giselle. Considering the amount of people watching them, there was little sound, save for the occasional cough and shuffling of feet. 

She smiled comfortingly at them both. “Inquisitor, Commander. I would ordinarily speak with the betrothed couple first, but in this instance I think there is no need. Shall we begin?”

They nodded their agreement together. As Mother Giselle recited the words of the ceremony, Cullen focused his attention entirely on her, and she on him. _Maker, she’d almost lost him with her foolish notions._ He was precious to her, what they had was precious. Never again would she make assumptions on his behalf. It worked best when they talked to each other. Kai became conscious of Mother Giselle calling Cullen.

“Commander?”

Kai realised he missed the prompt and flicked her gaze towards Mother Giselle. Cullen turned his head to face her.

“Yes?” he asked.

“This is the part when you make a vow.”

“Oh, right.” He cleared his throat. “I swear...” Cullen heard an urgent whine from Izzy. _Maker, he almost forgot._ “Sorry... one moment.”

Cullen could see Kai’s puzzled face wondering why he had stopped in the middle of his vow. He called over Izzy and removed the pouch from her collar. Opening it, he tipped out the rings into his hand.

“Sorry about that,” he apologised to Mother Giselle seeing her amused smile.

Cullen faced Kai, presenting her the rings. “The coins,” he smiled. “I had them made into wedding rings. I promised you would have it back.” 

He saw the astonishment on her face, swiftly followed by the radiant smile. The idea had come when she agreed to marry him. It seemed fitting for the two symbols of luck they shared, and which had seen them through so many trials, to become an integral part of their future. He also hoped she would appreciate it as a romantic gesture. Cullen took her ring and offered his to Kai.

“I love you,” Kai mouthed at him taking the ring from his outstretched hand. Evidently he was right.

“Commander?” Mother Giselle repeated.

“Oh, yes, of course.” He cleared his throat a second time and gazed at Kai. 

“I swear by the Maker and the Holy Andraste to love this woman for the rest of my days,” he vowed, slipping Kai’s ring onto her finger.

“Inquisitor,” Mother Giselle prompted gently.

Kai stared into his eyes and made her vow, placing Cullen’s ring on his finger as she did. “I swear by the Maker and the Holy Andraste to love this man for the rest of my days.”

She grinned at him and Cullen drew her into his arms, smirking. Her sigh was immediate, and when she felt his breath fan across her mouth as he kissed her, the world melted away. The cheers and clapping in the background were simply distant noises. This was their wedding and their day. Kai sensed Cullen pull away and opened her eye to see him grinning.

“Hello, Mrs Rutherford.”

She inclined her head and smiled. “You sound like you’ve been waiting to say that.”

“Perhaps,” he admitted, taking her hand.

Kai rested her finger on his lips. “I have to admit, Kai Rutherford sounds...pretty good to me.”

“Katarina Rutherford has a nice ring to it too,” he teased.

Kai opened her mouth to protest and remembered. She smiled obediently instead. “Perhaps it does at that.”

Cullen winked at her. “Wife, I believe I will enjoy today.”

Kai sniggered. “Make the most of it, husband. Tomorrow is another day.”

Cullen shook his head. “Always with an answer.” 

He glanced around at the crowd waiting to congratulate them; it wouldn’t be long before they were both besieged. Although it was their wedding day, part of him couldn’t stop being the Commander. So many people would be thronging them shortly, and that could leave her exposed. There were still vestiges of Corypheus’ forces out there and all it would take was another sympathiser to...

“Cullen, you’re frowning,” she tutted.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised, smiling now as he caressed her face.

“That’s better.” Kai leant forward and confided. “I am armed you know, so stop worrying.”

“Of course you are,” he conceded, sighing. “I just...”

“I know.” Kai squeezed his hand reassuringly, glancing around. “Though I suspect the challenge today may be enduring the exuberance of our well wishers.”

“You may be right,” he laughed.

Her determination came to the fore. “Right, come on. Let’s show them what Rutherfords can do.”

“Rutherfords?” he mused. “That rolled off your tongue so easily.”

Kai lowered her voice to a bare whisper. “Not the only thing that will roll off my tongue.”

Cullen stared at her, his Kai, his remarkable wife. Beautiful, funny, indomitable, vulnerable, bright eyed with a mischievous smile on her face and a body that made him want to...Cullen cleared his throat. “Wife...”

“Yes, husband?”

“War Room, one hour,” he ordered quietly.

“I am always obedient for you,” she lilted with a smirk.

_At least for today,_ he thought, smiling to himself.

The two of them walked toward the Great Hall, to the banquet awaiting there. He was right, they didn’t make it through the door before they were surrounded and gradually split apart by the crowd.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai leant on the War Table, peering at the map. They had few missions in progress at the moment, the focus had been on Corypheus and he was now gone. Cullen had finished one of his and only had one ongoing. She fished out another of his markers, placing it on top of the parchment Dagna gave her. It seemed appropriate for him to do it; she recognised he would carry it out with the minimum fuss. Anything too overt would annoy Dagna’s father. She concluded that from the description in Aedan’s journal and from how Dagna had spoken of him.

Booted footsteps strode to the door of the War Room. Kai smiled and twisted her head seeing Cullen walk in.

Her Cullen, her remarkable husband; magnificent, strong, kind, funny, sometimes grumpy, and right now, downright shockingly enticing. Her husband, who had just locked the door behind him and was smirking at her. _Maker, apparently she wasn't the only one reluctant to wait for tonight, and in the War Room no less._

Kai turned her head forward and moved from one foot to the other, wigging her rear slightly. There was a chuckle, and she felt Cullen stand behind her, his hands on her hips as he pressed himself against her. It was her turn to chuckle, his intention blatantly obvious.

“I have a mission for you, Commander,” she explained in her Inquisitor voice.

“I’m sure you do, but I believe it’s my day for instructions,” he countered with a smile in his voice.

He couldn’t see her smile as she reproached him. “Really Commander? This is Inquisition work, and would you be so improper with the Inquisitor?” 

“Are you pulling rank to get around your promise? Surely that would be bad form?” He stepped back and his right hand moved off her hip. He was teeing up for a smack. 

Maker, as if she needed any more stimulation. Kai steadied herself and shot back a reply, truth and distraction in one, a perfect combination. 

“I am not. I genuinely have something, a favour for Dagna, and I think your approach would be the most diplomatic in this instance.” She felt a rush of air, but his hand didn’t connect.

He laughed. “Perhaps I misheard you?” 

“No, you did not. I’m totally serious.” Another laugh. Kai exhaled noisily. “This mission calls for a low key approach, and you would be perfect. Here, read the note.” Kai handed it to him over her shoulder and waited, fingering his marker.

“Ahh, I see your point,” he acknowledged after a few minutes. “All right, leave it with me.”

“I knew I could count on you Commander.”

The smack caught her unawares. “Hey!” she called out, rubbing her cheek.

“That was for working on our wedding day, however noble the motive,” he rebuked. “Are you complaining?”

Cullen sensed her pause. “Only that my dress dulled the full effect...husband,” she offered contritely. “I may require...”

He had the skirt of her dress up and over her back before she got any further. This time it was Cullen who had a surprise. Above her naked buttocks was a tattoo with a strip of lace lying across it. He peered at it. 

“What in the Maker’s name?!” came out louder than intended.

Kai snickered. “It’s a heraldic symbol, Cullen.”

“I can see what it is,” he groaned.

Now he realised why she was covered up all the time, nightshirts and smallclothes in bed, she’d been hiding this. He thought it odd but hadn’t questioned it because of her injury.

She twisted her head to face him, smiling. “It’s my reminder of you, my lion rampant. Sera offered me a tattoo if I defeated Corypheus and this is what I wanted. He’s my valiant warrior, brave, steadfast and true; my protector when you’re not there.”

Cullen arched an eyebrow. “I don’t think it actually works like that.”

“Who says?” she asserted, raising herself from the table, her dress falling back down. She rested her hand on his chest, scanning his face. “But you, you’re my husband and my friend, who will pull me back from the abyss when I’m in danger of falling into darkness and despair. Everything I am is yours, now and always, Cullen.”

No-one looked at him quite like Kai. There was devotion, but also respect and acceptance of his weaknesses. She saw past the armour he created, she saw him, and Cullen knew she would love him no matter what. 

She leant closer and sighed. “And you have such a cute arse,” she winked. “What more could a woman ask for?”

He stared into her face, smirking. “You forgot one thing...”

A flash of curiosity crossed her face right before he landed a smack firmly on her left cheek, then a gasp of pleasure.

“I always have a plan.” 

He flicked a glance at the War Table. “On there,” he directed, seeing her bite her lip grinning.

“As my husband wishes,” she laughed.

As she stepped backwards, he followed her forwards. Suddenly she halted, wide eyed, her hand on his chest holding him there.

“Wait! I have to...” Kai lifted her dress and wriggled out of her smallclothes, holding them up. 

_Well if you could call them that, there was barely anything to them,_ he thought. At first he wasn’t sure she was wearing any.

“They belong to Lys and I don’t imagine she would thank me if they were damaged. I know what _you’re like,_ ” she declared accusingly.

“This again?” he grumbled. 

“Well, I’ve yet to see any replacements,” she huffed, putting them on the side before she clambered onto the table.

Cullen cleared his throat noisily. “What happened to being obedient? Hmm?”

She inclined her head with a coy expression. “I’m on the table, aren’t I? Now what?”

He always had a plan. Cullen spread her legs stepping between them, and brushed his lips against Kai’s neck, biting lightly. He heard her gasp, and murmured huskily, “Now I get to fuck my wife.”

“Ohhh,” she breathed, a heavy, wanton moan falling from her lips.

He tugged her against him and kissed her, tongues tangling as he drove her deeper into the kiss. It was at this point his plan and resolve almost crumbled when he felt her hand in his breeches, gripping him tightly, stroking him. He hadn’t even noticed her undo the ties. Much as he wanted her to continue if she did he could lose all restraint and just take her there and then. After weeks apart, the temptation was considerable, but it also would hurt her.

He gently broke the kiss and withdrew her hand. She peered at him confused and blinking. He undid his belt, and secured it around her wrists, sensing her gaze on him.

“First obedient, now bound? Where is this going” she teased. 

It appeared the hiatus had allowed her to regain some composure too. Not what he wanted. He wanted to see her undone and open as he saw her in Denerim, to see her completely let go as she did that night in his loft. He recognised sex was a good way to draw out her hurt and pain, and help reduce the nightmares she had. Intimacy loosened her control, and her determination. Out in the field they were positive qualities, but to recover she needed to let go of them from time to time, yet feel safe when she did. It was his turn to look after her, his turn to heal her and this was part of his plan for her. 

He hooked her bound wrists over his head and tilted her body backwards, distracting her with a kiss as he tugged down his breeches. 

“Where do you want it to go?” His voice was low as he gathered up the skirt of her dress, his hands sliding up the inside of her thighs. 

“I...” she gasped.

He felt how aroused she was when he guided himself into her, pushing gently further inside. She whimpered and he paused, giving her time to adjust. The pulse in her neck was racing now, her breathing shallow and rapid. He thrust deeper then stopped when she whimpered again. Her head was now arched back, lips parted and eye closed.

Seeing her, hearing her, feeling her, he worried his restraint wouldn’t last much longer. He wanted her and missed her too. This was for her, but it comforted him as well. Whether it was fast and frantic when he fucked her, or slow and measured when they made love, he loved her more than anything, and she was his, _his wife._

Another thrust, another whimper. She wasn’t so tight now; he sensed the next push wouldn’t hurt her like before.

“Cullen...”

“You didn’t answer my question,” he growled, driving deep into her.

This time she moaned loudly, her fingers threading part way into his hair. “Maker, I don’t care, just don’t stop,” she begged, draping her legs loosely around him

He didn’t stop, taking her hard and heavy on the War Table. And she didn’t want him to stop; she wanted, needed this, not aware until then how much she needed this. It was ecstasy and catharsis, love and passion, and pain and pleasure. Her low, hard moans; his deep, guttural grunts, and the slap of skin against skin filled the War Room as he urged them both closer to a climax. 

Unhooking her arms, he pressed them and her down onto the War Table. Reflexively she drew her legs into a crooked position allowing him to rest his shoulders against them as he leaned his hands on the table. His next stroke went even deeper making her cry out. She felt him hesitate and pre-empted his concern.

“Please...don’t stop...”

He didn’t; his pace ferocious now. Her body tightened and tensed; so close...need to...have to...he swelled inside her, grunting loudly and she clenched hard onto him, release flooding through her as she cried out his name. Moans and grunts gave way to hard pants as the tension melted away.

Cullen leant on his elbows and kissed her. “Are...you...all right?” he asked between breaths.

Kai smiled. “Y...yes,” she nodded equally breathless, touching his face as she watched him smile back.

Withdrawing, he adjusted his breeches then climbed onto the table, lying down beside her. She turned to face him, extending her hands, watching as he untied them. He then took her hand, and they lay there, facing each other until both caught their breath. 

Cullen tugged her hand. “Come here and lean against me.”

“Why?”

“Kai, just come.”

Kai shuffled over and curled up with him. “Now what?”

Cullen pointed. “If you look at the map and squint, Lake Calenhad looks like a bunny.”

Kai squinted but couldn’t see it, so twisted her head slightly and there it was. She burst out laughing.

“Do you mean to tell me that during our serious War Council meetings, that’s what you’ve been doing when I see you staring at the map? Working out what landmarks resemble?”

“I’ll admit, my attention wanders at times, mainly when the three of you are discussing matters in that vague speak of yours,” he confessed, laughing.

“Vague speak? You’ve actually given it a name?” she questioned, shifting to face him.

“It seemed...appropriate,” he remarked, smiling. “The three of you are speaking, but it’s only vaguely comprehensible. Although, I expect I’ve become better at determining whatever it is you’re discussing. Besides, you used to have a glazed look when I talked strategy or tactics.” He ran his hand over her cheek. “Not any more. Given sufficient time I suspect you’d make a half decent General.”

She caressed his hand with her thumb. “I have an outstanding General and enough on my hands already. No, the army is yours, Commander.”

“No, Inquisitor, the army is yours. I simply command it for you,” he advised her.

Kai snickered. “Not the only thing you command, well, at least for today.”

“Really?” Cullen lifted up leaning on his elbow. “I don’t think you’ll make it through the day. Not if your behaviour so far is anything to go by,” he rebuked. “Your insubordination is appalling. If you were one of my troops, I’d have you on a charge.” 

“Insubord...?” she exclaimed. 

“Yes, and I’m pleased you see it too. It’s always a good start to recognise one’s behaviour needs improvement.”

Kai’s mouth hung open. “I...”

Cullen let go of her hand, hopped off the desk, straightened his tunic and smoothed his hair. “Well, come on,” he instructed. “You still have guests to wrangle.”

Kai shuffled off the desk and peered at him squinting. “Commander, if I was one of your troops, this fraternisation...” she pointed at the War Table, “...would be frowned upon. It would be you up on a charge, taking advantage of your position.”

Cullen smirked and stepped behind her, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. “That’s true. But you’re not, you’re my wife. Insubordination and fraternisation are assumed. Just not today for the former.”

“An answer again, Cullen?” Kai queried, smiling.

Cullen kissed her cheek. “I had an excellent instructor,” he laughed. 

She leaned into him contentedly. “I do love you.”

“I love you too.” He took her hand, nodding to the door. ”Come on.”

Kai snagged her dagger and the two of them wandered out hand in hand to rejoin the banquet. Unfortunately they overlooked one small item on the side of the War Table.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

“Varric, the wedding is over, put the pen down and just experience the spectacle!” Dorian insisted, rolling his eyes. 

Varric tugged his hand away as he saw Dorian go for the pen. “Look, Sparkler, when the muse hits you, you have to go with it. Anyway, this for the other book.”

Bull looked over at the notebook with passages written, scribbled out, written again, amended, scribbled out, and then written again. “Well, looks like the muse is playing with you, Varric. Can I see? Fresh eyes can help sometimes.”

Varric mulled this over and shrugged his shoulders. “Knock yourself out, Tiny,” he sighed, nudging the book over to Bull.

Bull read it thoroughly, crossed out a few words and added some new ones, then passed it back. “See you what you think.”

As Varric read it a smile crept onto his face. 

**_‘Every war has its heroes, with their own reasons to fight; some for survival, some for honour, some for glory. But there are those who feel it is their duty to protect the innocent, to fight for what is right. There you’ll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon. And in the end, they’ll retain what the others don’t, their humanity.’_**

Varric nodded approvingly. “Tiny, if you ever choose to hang up your axe, I’ll take you on as my editor.”

Bull chuckled. “It appears _our hero_ has returned.”

Dorian leant forward, staring at Cullen and Kai chatting with some of the guests. “She’s looking a little flushed, wouldn’t you say?”

The three of them turned to each other as if sharing a guilty secret. “You don’t think they...?” Varric ventured. 

They glanced back at Kai and Cullen. It was Varric who noticed it.

“Watch, watch. She’s spotted the back of his hair, and now she’s glancing around...and there it is, she’s smoothing it down. See that look between them.” Varric tutted. “Oh Dopey, what have you done to Curly?”

“More like both of them,” Sera announced appearing beside them.

“I still hate it when she does that,” Dorian groaned.

She pulled up a chair and sat, checking around before slowly moving her gloved hand across the table, then raised it to reveal a small piece of cloth with two strips of lace. “They’ve only gone and done it in the War Room,” she whispered in a conspiratorial tone.

The four of them peered at the smallclothes and glanced at each other.

Bull coughed. “Are you sure, I mean...?” 

“Her sister gave them to her this morning,” Sera insisted, gesturing at the smallclothes. 

Dorian sighed cheerfully. “Even I amaze myself occasionally, and that is difficult, trust me. The man did it. He stunned her out of her smallclothes.” 

“Not the only thing he did,” Sera laughed. “You should have heard the racket they made.”

“Buttercup, you didn’t?”

“Not the whole time...” she confessed. “But I wasn’t the only one, Josephine nipped to her office, heard them and fetched Leliana. I had to hide until _they_ left.”

“Oh my word, an actual audience,” Dorian sniggered.

Bull glanced at each of them. “This stays between us, because if Cullen finds out we know, it won’t be the smiling face he has on now that greets us. Agreed?”

They all nodded, so engrossed in their little conspiracy they didn’t notice Kai walk up to them.

“Hello, I’m sorry I didn’t...” She gasped. “Maker...are those my...?” 

Too late Sera tried to hide the smallclothes. Kai grabbed her hand and prised them out. 

“Sera, you didn’t?” she groaned. 

The uncomfortable coughs, seat shuffling and sideways glances gave them away. 

“And you all...Oh Maker.”

Kai frowned disapprovingly at the four of them and sighed. She darted a look in Cullen’s direction, and swung back, leaning on the table as she confided.

“Whatever you do, _do not_ mention what you know to Cullen. If he finds out and knows that I know, he’ll come after me when he’s finished with all of you.”

A chorus of ‘absolutely’, ‘sure’, ‘of course’ and ‘no problem’ answered her. She suddenly grinned and winked.

“Told you he wasn’t that stuffy or grumpy” she trilled, spun on her heel and sauntered away.

“Wait, did she think we all had...?”

“Dorian...let it go,” Bull advised.

Varric stared ahead, pointing at Kai’s departing figure. “She...will never lose her humanity...or her sense of humour.”

“Just her knickers,” Sera chortled, hearing the groans.

She looked at the beer mugs on the table, peering in to see which had the most in it, picked one up, only to have Bull take it off her. “Sera, you never interfere with a man’s ale,” he ordered.

Sera wrinkled her nose, slouching back in her chair arms folded and huffed an exasperated breath.

Varric, who was still watching Kai, suddenly exclaimed. “Do you see this?”

They turned to look, and there, before the dais were Cullen and Kai, Cullen bowing slightly, and Kai accepting his outstretched hand. It was apparent he was asking her to dance. The four of them followed the pair as they danced, close together, smiling at each other. Kai moved gracefully as expected from a noble bought up on dancing lessons. But it was Cullen who was the revelation. From what they could observe, he was far from toe crushing and awkward as he claimed to be.

“Well, I’ll be...” Bull laughed. 

Dorian leant over to Varric. “How about a wager?” he proposed, smirking.

Varric angled to face him, shaking his head, voice firm as he spoke. “No, no, Sparkler, I’m not picking up any bets on these two today, _they’re too full of surprises._ ”

.  
.  
.  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The _'dreadful piece of verse'_ can be found in Chapter 24.
> 
> The book except is taken from dialogue in the game and from a DAI trailer and belongs to Bioware.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Eravalefantasy for being a beta on this story, and thank you to felandaris and Replica_Jester for reading chapters and giving feedback. It helped immensely.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and coming along on this journey with Kai and Cullen. 
> 
> Comments are always welcome and appreciated, would love to hear what you thought of the story.
> 
> Their journey continues in 'Fade-Touched'.


End file.
